Jokes that only work as a series of jokes?
October 8, 2013 8:33 AM   Subscribe

I'm looking for jokes, usually bad jokes, that work as a series of short jokes where the punchline is in the final joke of the series. Example inside.

Q) What's the difference between an elephant and a grape?
A) Grapes are purple.

Not funny.

Q) What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill?
A) "Here come the elephants over the hill."

Stupid.

Q) What did Jane say when she saw the grapes coming over the hill?
A) "Here come the elephants over the hill."

Jane was color blind.


Fucking hilarious. (though maybe not so much in this context.)

So, you see how this works? I've often seen similar jokes that are a continuation of the chicken crossing the road joke (often involving things being stapled to the chicken) or animals falling out of trees or whatever.

Again, the pattern should be Dumb, Dumb, FUNNY. I'm not looking for a series of jokes that are all equally funny.

This came up during a long car ride the other day and it would be great to have more of them for future car rides. Clean jokes are preferred, and nothing involving dead babies or other tasteless things.
posted by bondcliff to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation (34 answers total) 48 users marked this as a favorite
 
Knock knock
Who's there?
Banana

Knock knock
Who's there?
Banana

Knock knock
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
posted by xingcat at 8:37 AM on October 8, 2013 [13 favorites]


Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: Unique up on it.

Q2: How do you catch a tame unique rabbit?
A2: Tame way, Unique up on it.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 8:40 AM on October 8, 2013 [9 favorites]


You might want to take a look here, as it contains wit and wisdom that 6-year-old hanov3r would have found UPROARIOUS.
posted by hanov3r at 8:44 AM on October 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


Q: How do you fit an elephant in a closet in 3 steps?
A: 1. You open the door. 2. Put the elephant in the closet. 3. Close the door.

Q: How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
A: Footprints in the butter.

Q: How do you fit a giraffe in a closet in 4 steps?
A: 1. You open the door. 2. Take the elephant out of the closet. 3. Put the giraffe in the closet. 4. Close the door.

Q: How many elephants can you fit in a volkswagen bug?
A: Six, two in the front, two in the back, and two in the trunk if you squeeze them in real tight.

Q: How do you know two elephants have been in your refrigerator?
A: Two sets of footprints in the butter.

Q: Why are elephants big, gray, and wrinkly?
A: Because if they were small, white, and smooth, they'd be aspirin.

Q: An elephant and a giraffe are having a race. Who wins?
A: The elephant. The giraffe is still in the closet.

Q: How do you know six elephants have been in your refrigerator?
A: VW tire tracks in the butter.
posted by phunniemee at 8:44 AM on October 8, 2013 [24 favorites]


Q: What is a pirate’s favorite pasttime?
A: Aaaaarrrrrgue

Q: Have you heard about the new pirate movie?
A: It’s rated Aaaarrrggggghhh!

[Continuing progression of bad jokes]

Q: What is a pirate’s favorite form of transportation?
A: A ship.
posted by thebestsophist at 8:45 AM on October 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


What do you call a blind deer?
No eye deer.

What do you call a blind deer with no legs?
Still no eye deer.

What do you call a blind deer with no legs and no genitals?
Still no fucking eye deer.
posted by phunniemee at 8:46 AM on October 8, 2013 [12 favorites]


My favorite ending to a series of elephant jokes:

Q. How do you get an elephant out of the theater?
A. You can't, it's in the blood.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 8:47 AM on October 8, 2013 [11 favorites]


What do you call a man with no arms and legs who floats about in the pool?
Bob

What do you call a man with no arms and legs who swims about in the pool?
Clever Dick

and

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
Doug

What do you call a man without a space in his head?
Douglas
posted by essexjan at 8:48 AM on October 8, 2013


The Brick Joke.

Followed - ideally 2 or three unrelated jokes later - by the Airplane Joke.

I thought this was the funniest thing EVER when I was around 12. Never could convince anyone else of it, though.
posted by Mchelly at 8:50 AM on October 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


By the way, there's another joke in your Tarzan and Jane / Elephant series...

What did Tarzan say when HE saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses?

Nothing, he didn't recognize them.
posted by Mchelly at 8:53 AM on October 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


A couple of pronunciation "jokes":

Q: Pronounce the word M-O-S-T.
A: Most

Q:Pronounce the word G-H-O-S-T.
A: Ghost

Q: Pronounce the word B-O-A-S-T.
A: Boast

Q: What do you put in a toaster?
A: Toast
Q:No, you put bread in a toaster and get toast out.

* * *

Q: Pronounce the word M-A-C-D-O-N-A-L-D
A: MacDonald

Q: Pronounce the word M-A-C-G-R-E-G-O-R
A: MacGregor

Q: Pronounce the word M-A-C-H-I-N-E
A: MacHighn?
Q: No, ma-sheen.
posted by Rock Steady at 8:55 AM on October 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: To stamp out forest fires.


Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To stamp out burning ducks.
posted by cakebatter at 9:13 AM on October 8, 2013 [8 favorites]


What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
---

There once was a man from Peru,
whose limericks ended at line two.

There once was a man from Cancun.
posted by Comrade_robot at 9:14 AM on October 8, 2013 [7 favorites]


I know a variation from the above that never fails to have people rolling their eyes and groaning at me:

Q: How do you get an elephant in a refrigerator?
A: Open the door, put him in there, close the door.

Q: How do you get another elephant in the refrigerator?
A: Open the door, take the first elephant out, put the second elephant in there, close the door.

Q: The lion king is throwing a party and has invited all the animals - who doesn't go?
A: The elephant who is still in the refrigerator.

Q: You have to cross a river where lots of crocodiles live. How do you get across?
A: Just swim - all the crocodiles are at the lion king's party!
posted by bookdragoness at 9:20 AM on October 8, 2013


A duck walks into a pharmacy and orders a bottle of aspirin.
"How are you going to pay for it?" asks the pharmacist.
"Put it on my bill," says the duck.

The next day the same duck walks into the same pharmacy and orders a box of condoms.
"I suppose you want me to put it on your bill?" asks the pharmacist.
"I'm not that kind of duck," says the duck.
posted by greasy_skillet at 9:23 AM on October 8, 2013 [9 favorites]


Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: It was dead.

Q: Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
A: It was stapled to the first monkey.

Q: Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
A: It thought it was a game.

Q: Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Peer pressure.

Q: Why did the fifth monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Monkey see, monkey do.
posted by The Michael The at 9:33 AM on October 8, 2013


How do you annoy Lady Gaga?
Poke 'er face.

How do you annoy Beyonce?
Poke 'er face.
posted by dudekiller at 9:35 AM on October 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


Q: What's pink and fluffy?
A: Pink fluff.

Q: What's blue and fluffy?
A: Cold pink fluff.
posted by Morydd at 9:45 AM on October 8, 2013 [9 favorites]


I got this one from an old AskMe thread that has a few more of these.

What do you a three legged donkey?
A wonky donkey

what do you call a three legged donkey that plays guitar?
a wonky plonky donkey

what do you call a three legged donkey that plays guitar and does an elvis impression?
a wonky plonky honky tonky donkey

what do you call a three legged donkey that plays guitar, does an elvis impression and can read?
a smart ass
posted by jessamyn at 9:50 AM on October 8, 2013 [13 favorites]


My preferred variant on The Michael The's monkey joke; to be delivered with increasing manic intensity:
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? It thought it was a game.
Why did the tree fall down? It thought it was a monkey.
posted by jeffjon at 10:04 AM on October 8, 2013


Q: What's purple and conquered the world?
A: Alexander the Grape.

Q: Who's buried in Alexander the Grape's tomb?
A: Alexander the Raisin.
posted by ubiquity at 10:15 AM on October 8, 2013 [6 favorites]


Elephant joke has its own wikipedia page.
posted by jozxyqk at 10:25 AM on October 8, 2013


Traditionally the following joke goes like:

Q. Why is there no aspirin in the jungle?

A. Because the parrots-eat-'em-all (paracetemol).

However, you can ask the same joke again with following answer:

A. Because there isn't a sufficiently dense patient population nor the manufacturing and dispensing infrastructure to make distribution of painkillers commercially sustainable.
posted by MuffinMan at 10:36 AM on October 8, 2013 [9 favorites]


Q:
How do you fit fifty clowns into a VW Beetle?

A:
A blender.

Q:
How do you get them out?

A:
A straw.
posted by not_on_display at 10:43 AM on October 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


Many "in" jokes are tweaked with variations that make no sense to anyone who has not heard the original. MetaFilter has some of these, like "This will Wendell".
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 10:50 AM on October 8, 2013


Q: What's red and white striped and hangs from the ceiling?

A: I don't know, what?

Q: A red-and-white-striped ceiling-hanger.

What's green and white striped and hangs from the ceiling?

A: A green-and-white-striped ceiling-hanger.

Q: Right. What's blue and white striped and hangs from the ceiling?

A: A blue-and-white-striped ceiling-hanger.

Q: No, ceiling-hangers only come in red and green.
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:12 AM on October 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


This is sort of in the vein you're looking for, only it's a single joke. It is about pirates however, which is always funny, no matter what.

A pirate walks into a bar* and sits down on a stool. This pirate has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye patch. The guy at the bar next to him notices all this, and after taking some time to build up the nerve, turns to the pirate and says, "Hey, I hate to be nosey but I just have to ask - what's the story with the leg?"

The pirate fixes the man with a cold, hollow stare and says back, "ARGH! We was fightin' ship to ship! I was preparin' to swing upon a rope to the deck of the other ship when a CANON ON THE OTHER SHIP FIRED, AND THE CANNONBALL TOOK ME LEG CLEAN OFF!"

"Wow! That's terrible," the man said. Encouraged by the pirate's readiness to talk, the man asked, "Well, I hate to bother you, but what about the hand? What happened there?"

The pirate stared into the man's face, a smoldering look upon his own. "ARGH! It was a sword fight. I was just about to win the duel when my cunning opponent kicked me overboard and A SHARK CAME AND BIT ME HAND OFF!"

"Holy cow," the man replied, shocked. "That is utterly horrible." Alarmed but still curious, the man sheepishly said, "Listen, I just have to know - a cannonball, a shark: What's next? What happened to your eye that you have to wear an eyepatch?"

The pirate laughed to himself - a cold, joyless sound. "Argh...I was standing on the bow, looking out over the rolling blue waves of the Atlantic, when I looked up to the cloudless sky above me and A SEAGULL POOPED IN ME EYE!"

"Wait, what?" the man said. "that's it? A seagull pooped on you? That's not very exciting."

The pirate looked down into his grog and sneered at it. "It was me first day with the hook."


*You can change this location as circumstance permits - maybe he walks into a sandwich shop. Whatever.
posted by Pecinpah at 11:31 AM on October 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


This joke was told to me by a 12 year old:

Why did Sara fall off the swing?
-Because she didn't have any arms.

Knock Knock
-Who's there?
Not Sara.
posted by inertia at 12:08 PM on October 8, 2013 [33 favorites]


I have a joke that has multiple punchlines:


Q: What's the difference between a baritone sax and a chainsaw?

A: You can tune a chainsaw.
A: People get upset when you borrow a chainsaw and don't return it.
A: Vibrato. But if you hold the chainsaw very steadily...
A: You can make a living with a chainsaw.
posted by randomkeystrike at 2:47 PM on October 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


You: What's the difference between tuna, glue, and a piano?

T: I dunno. What?

Y: You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

Them (a few minutes later): wait, what about the glue?

Y: I knew you'd get stuck on that part.

(This joke is half test because you will be surprised how many people forget the glue afterwards.)
posted by history is a weapon at 5:54 PM on October 8, 2013 [6 favorites]


I always follow up The Michael The's joke with, "Why did the kangaroo die? Because 5 monkeys fell on its head!"
posted by circumspice at 9:44 PM on October 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


What's big and red and eats rocks?
A big red rock eater!

What's big and red and eats sand?
A big red rock eater on a diet.

(wait until a few jokes later)
If you drilled a hole through the Earth from the South Pole to the North Pole, and dropped a rock in from one end, would the rock go all the way through or stop when it reached the center?
Neither, because the big red rock eater would eat it.
posted by Pallas Athena at 2:44 AM on October 9, 2013


For those under 60, this one needs some setup.

Dean Martin was a singer and comedian who had a great drunk act (and also drank prodigious amounts).

Mark Spitz won 7 gold medals in swimming and set 7 world records in the 1972 Olympics.

Wilbur Mills was a powerful member of Congress who descended into alcoholism and jumped into the Tidal Basin in Washington, DC.

Johnny Carson was the longtime star of the Tonight Show. His opening monologues were famous for skewering erring celebrities.

There will be a Hollywood celebrity auction next week, and they have some very interesting items up for bid:

For $1000, Dean Martin will come over and give you DRINKING lessons.

For $2000, Mark Spitz will come over and give you SWIMMING lessons.

And for $3000, Wilbur Mills will come over and give you drinking AND swimming lessons.
posted by KRS at 7:37 PM on October 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Just a small modification to the elephant/grape joke:

Q: How are a grape and an elephant alike?

A: They're both large grey mammals with long trunks. Except for the grape.
posted by not_on_display at 7:20 AM on October 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


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