The Once and Future(?) Friend
October 7, 2013 7:17 AM Subscribe
What are some good resources on interpersonal communication that I can direct people to that they can read on their own time?
Much of what I know about communication I picked up a bit more informally, through experience or through talking to others, so I find myself a bit lacking in giving recommendations that others can read on their own time. Particular topics of interest: recognizing and articulating one's own emotions, "I"-statements, avoiding ultimatums, active listening, feminist and social justice based perspectives.
On a related note, there was a link somewhere on the blue or the green (I think it was on a MeSite at least?) this past summer about affection styles (not attachment styles), but my search skills are failing me. There was a link to a pop psychology quiz, but also a link to some more explanatory information. Does anyone else remember this, and could help me find the links again? Thanks!
Much of what I know about communication I picked up a bit more informally, through experience or through talking to others, so I find myself a bit lacking in giving recommendations that others can read on their own time. Particular topics of interest: recognizing and articulating one's own emotions, "I"-statements, avoiding ultimatums, active listening, feminist and social justice based perspectives.
On a related note, there was a link somewhere on the blue or the green (I think it was on a MeSite at least?) this past summer about affection styles (not attachment styles), but my search skills are failing me. There was a link to a pop psychology quiz, but also a link to some more explanatory information. Does anyone else remember this, and could help me find the links again? Thanks!
recognizing and articulating one's own emotions, "I"-statements, avoiding ultimatums, active listening
Feeling Good
The Feeling Good Handbook
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
These three book recommendations may seem odd, but they have helped me communicate more effectively than most other books I have encountered.
Despite the labels as a parenting book and guides for curing depression, these books have a few important things in common. For one thing, communication becomes more clear when one or more people are not emotionally disregulated. Second, a lot of mis-communication is partly due to automatic reactions and emotions that appear after a lifetime of habitual responses we already have. Being able to identify our own weaknesses when communicating make it easier to ampathize and help someone else communicate with us.
All the above books are thorough, to-the-point, and give many suggestions on how to use effective communication skills.
posted by mild deer at 7:38 AM on October 7, 2013 [3 favorites]
Feeling Good
The Feeling Good Handbook
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
These three book recommendations may seem odd, but they have helped me communicate more effectively than most other books I have encountered.
Despite the labels as a parenting book and guides for curing depression, these books have a few important things in common. For one thing, communication becomes more clear when one or more people are not emotionally disregulated. Second, a lot of mis-communication is partly due to automatic reactions and emotions that appear after a lifetime of habitual responses we already have. Being able to identify our own weaknesses when communicating make it easier to ampathize and help someone else communicate with us.
All the above books are thorough, to-the-point, and give many suggestions on how to use effective communication skills.
posted by mild deer at 7:38 AM on October 7, 2013 [3 favorites]
Affection styles - are you thinking of the 5 languages of love?
http://www.5lovelanguages.com
posted by seawallrunner at 8:45 AM on October 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
http://www.5lovelanguages.com
posted by seawallrunner at 8:45 AM on October 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
Don't laugh, but the old chestnut How to Win Friends and Influence People can still apply quite well. My husband had to read it for a class, and he was talking about it for days.
Bonus: it looks especially good on your shelf if you situate it next to Toby Young's How to Lose Friends and Alienate People.
posted by Madamina at 9:22 AM on October 7, 2013
Bonus: it looks especially good on your shelf if you situate it next to Toby Young's How to Lose Friends and Alienate People.
posted by Madamina at 9:22 AM on October 7, 2013
I've heard good things about Difficult Conversations.
posted by entropone at 9:27 AM on October 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by entropone at 9:27 AM on October 7, 2013 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen..." is one of the few books I have read, and I apply so much of it to my adult relationships too!
posted by eviemath at 9:51 AM on October 7, 2013
posted by eviemath at 9:51 AM on October 7, 2013
Response by poster: I've heard good things about "Difficult Conversations" too; I'll have to check it out. There seems to be some overlap in institutional affiliation between that book's authors and the authors of Breaking Robert's Rules, which I found to be a decent book on consensus-building decision making processes.
posted by eviemath at 10:00 AM on October 7, 2013
posted by eviemath at 10:00 AM on October 7, 2013
"Nonviolent Communication" is a book that hits most or all of your points of interest.
posted by aniola at 3:29 PM on October 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by aniola at 3:29 PM on October 7, 2013 [1 favorite]
Look into "interpersonal effectiveness" skills as taught in Dialectical Behavior Therapy. They are excellent.
posted by Stewriffic at 5:40 PM on October 7, 2013
posted by Stewriffic at 5:40 PM on October 7, 2013
Response by poster: Stewriffic, do you have any specific resource you can recommend on that topic? Thanks!
posted by eviemath at 6:31 PM on October 7, 2013
posted by eviemath at 6:31 PM on October 7, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 7:37 AM on October 7, 2013