Friend kicked out of home in Florida - what resources can I recommend?
August 26, 2013 1:13 PM Subscribe
An friend just got booted out of her home in Florida with an hour's notice by her boyfriend. She has no money, important possessions from small to large in the house, and pets.
I advised her to call the police but beyond that I had no idea. Later I found the Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and sent her the hotline number.
But there must exist checklists or articles for this sort of situation, seeing as it happens so often in abusive relationships!
Note: this relationship was showing strongly abusive controlling behavior but no physical violence (yet). The booting out was prompted by a predicted trigger as she was taking steps to secure a measure of independence.
Basically: if this ever happens again, what's the best advice to give? Are there easy-to-find resource/advice lists to send to friends in this bind? I hate feeling helpless from thousands of miles away.
Note: this relationship was showing strongly abusive controlling behavior but no physical violence (yet). The booting out was prompted by a predicted trigger as she was taking steps to secure a measure of independence.
Basically: if this ever happens again, what's the best advice to give? Are there easy-to-find resource/advice lists to send to friends in this bind? I hate feeling helpless from thousands of miles away.
You did the right thing telling her to call the police. Not that they will necessarily involve themselves too much in what is fundamentally a civil dispute (provided no crime was committed), but there are clear laws in almost every state where "residency" is established after a period of time living somewhere. In Florida specifically, once residency is established, you cannot be unexpectedly forced to leave based on someone having a problem with you, unless you have committed a crime yourself.
But, in an abusive relationship, forcing via law an aggressor to let someone stay may not be in the best interest of the victimized person. Even if she elects to leave of her own volition, the call will also be documented in case he damages or discards any important personal effects or hurts the animals.
The most important thing is for her to get away with her personal life and physical safety, and readdress the situation in the company of police officers and/or burly friends at a later date.
My wife is a 911 Dispatcher in South Florida who also deals with the non-emergency line, and they have clear information to give callers for emergency shelter in cases of domestic violence or other urgent temporary relocation issues (house fires and damage to houses).
Often times, depending on the county the neighborhood this is occurring in and available beds at local women's shelters, it won't be pleasant (i.e. homeless shelters). But resources are available to help.
posted by Debaser626 at 1:39 PM on August 26, 2013 [2 favorites]
But, in an abusive relationship, forcing via law an aggressor to let someone stay may not be in the best interest of the victimized person. Even if she elects to leave of her own volition, the call will also be documented in case he damages or discards any important personal effects or hurts the animals.
The most important thing is for her to get away with her personal life and physical safety, and readdress the situation in the company of police officers and/or burly friends at a later date.
My wife is a 911 Dispatcher in South Florida who also deals with the non-emergency line, and they have clear information to give callers for emergency shelter in cases of domestic violence or other urgent temporary relocation issues (house fires and damage to houses).
Often times, depending on the county the neighborhood this is occurring in and available beds at local women's shelters, it won't be pleasant (i.e. homeless shelters). But resources are available to help.
posted by Debaser626 at 1:39 PM on August 26, 2013 [2 favorites]
I almost forgot to add, she should call the non-emergency line to have a officer present when she picks up her stuff.
This is actually (and unfortunately) a fairly common occurrence in the PD my wife works at, and while not all cops are thrilled about these types of calls, most officers would much rather be on scene before tempers have the potential to flare and get out of hand, instead of getting a full-blown domestic violence call where guns may or may not be involved.
posted by Debaser626 at 1:44 PM on August 26, 2013 [1 favorite]
This is actually (and unfortunately) a fairly common occurrence in the PD my wife works at, and while not all cops are thrilled about these types of calls, most officers would much rather be on scene before tempers have the potential to flare and get out of hand, instead of getting a full-blown domestic violence call where guns may or may not be involved.
posted by Debaser626 at 1:44 PM on August 26, 2013 [1 favorite]
there are clear laws in almost every state where "residency" is established after a period of time living somewhere. In Florida specifically, once residency is established, you cannot be unexpectedly forced to leave based on someone having a problem with you
Yeah, your friend should check with someone familiar with Florida tenant/roommate laws; the state Division of Consumer Services has a hotline that might be useful in addition to the links above: 1-800-HELP-FLA. Even if she hasn't been paying rent and isn't on the lease, she almost certainly has rights in this situation with regards to how many days' notice her boyfriend would legally need to give her (as long as she's been living there for Florida's legal minimum of time).
Good luck to your friend in getting her stuff and herself out of an abusive situation as quickly as possible.
posted by mediareport at 1:53 PM on August 26, 2013 [1 favorite]
Yeah, your friend should check with someone familiar with Florida tenant/roommate laws; the state Division of Consumer Services has a hotline that might be useful in addition to the links above: 1-800-HELP-FLA. Even if she hasn't been paying rent and isn't on the lease, she almost certainly has rights in this situation with regards to how many days' notice her boyfriend would legally need to give her (as long as she's been living there for Florida's legal minimum of time).
Good luck to your friend in getting her stuff and herself out of an abusive situation as quickly as possible.
posted by mediareport at 1:53 PM on August 26, 2013 [1 favorite]
Since nobody's said it specifically, I hope that your friend has gotten all of her pets out. It is a common pattern for abusers to go after pets in revenge, and that has always struck me as a particularly awful thing to have happen on top of everything else. The hotlines may be able to help her find somewhere for her pets to be, but if you are looking for a way to help, offering to house her pets might be a good one.
posted by hydropsyche at 2:14 PM on August 26, 2013
posted by hydropsyche at 2:14 PM on August 26, 2013
If the library is still open, it is a safe public place to go for free where she can get info. If she has been kicked out, she is now homeless. A lot of women on the street end up that way from similar scenarios. Libraries sometimes have lists of local homeless resources that they can readily give out plus free internet access where she can look stuff up.
Second, if she has a cell phone, you can go online and look for info on emergency services local to her and have her call you back.
posted by Michele in California at 4:46 PM on August 26, 2013
Second, if she has a cell phone, you can go online and look for info on emergency services local to her and have her call you back.
posted by Michele in California at 4:46 PM on August 26, 2013
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posted by goggie at 1:26 PM on August 26, 2013