Should I have listened better in sex ed?

July 29, 2013 6:25 AM

This is a snowflakey question about grey-area unprotected sex, spotting, and plan B.

I've been having sex with a certain someone once if not more per day for the last eleven days. Before that, I had not had sexual contact with anyone in several months. I had my period probably about ten days before I started sleeping with him, not sure exactly (I don't count, usually) and generally have a long and unpredictable cycle. I think it was probably 6-7 weeks between my last two periods. I'm not using any form of hormonal birth control, and I went off the pill about five months ago.

Two nights ago (about nine days into sexual contact) I started spotting a little, and saw just a smidge more blood last night. No cramping or anything. It certainly wouldn't be the first time, but that's not super abnormal for me either. It's probably happened to me about once or twice a year since I started my period.

We've always used condoms for P in V sex, and I have no reason to think that any of them would have broken. We have, however, probably done a little more unprotected rubbing of the genitals than is safe. I've gotten plenty of semen on my mons, and wiped it off but not carefully washed it off immediately. The unprotected tip of his penis also spent time near the entrance of my vagina, but not far in at all or anytime close to orgasm. He generally seems to have very little precum, but I realize that there's always a little bit of risk.

I don't know if I'm crazy to be on alert because of the spotting (it could have something to do with TONS of sex and probably insane hormones from being around him so much) or being rational. I have an unused pack of ortho tri cyclen lo from when I was on BC, which I read could be okay possibly but not great as makeshift plan B. Not sure if it would do anything now, although my highest risk activity probably occurred last night. I could also purchase plan B, but out of significant cost concerns (yes, I could ask him to pay/pay half and would do so if necessary but I don't want him to have to pay for my paranoia) I would really not like to unless it was a clear-cut MUST TAKE THIS situation.

We've already discussed what would happen in case of pregnancy (abortion). I will be more careful in the future, I promise. Do I take multiple birth control pills? Do I get plan B? Is it too late and I cross my fingers? Is this all unnecessary? How high is my risk, anyways? What would you do in my shoes?

Thanks, mefi, for listening to my crazy. Additionally, I realize that you may be concerned about my STI risk, but rest assured that I have been careful about that.

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (15 answers total)

I think you need to hit up your neighborhood friendly pharmacy and purchase some pregnancy tests.

While the spotting could be related to sex, it could also very well have been implantation bleeding. You're right on the border for that being possible.

I wouldn't take any hormonal birth controls right now, and I'd stop having sex for a few days. If two nights ago you had the bleeding (and it was implantation bleeding), then you should be able to get a positive pregnancy test even today (or a day or two from now). You might want to test today as soon as you can and then you may want to test tomorrow morning first thing with your first urine --- first morning urine is the most concentrated, so it's the best to use for a test.
posted by zizzle at 6:34 AM on July 29, 2013 [4 favorites]

I don't think Plan B will accomplish anything now -- it's really something you need to use directly after risky sex, not several days after you noticed you were spotting, maybe related to risky sex within the last couple weeks or maybe not.

But if you had risky sex last night, and you're now realizing that, yeah, you could get pregnant from things you've been doing, by all means, take EC.

If you're going to do this, please just buy Plan B. I don't think there's anything wrong with the emergency makeshift dose of the regular pill, but seriously, this is all so handwavey at this point that, for you to have any certainty at all that what you are doing is worthwhile, just get real Plan B.

And, in the future, yeah, please be less wibbly wobbly about sex if you don't want to get pregnant. Use condoms. If you don't use condoms, take actual EC and not just a bunch of something hormone-ish you had around the house. If you can't afford EC, just please use condoms reliably.
posted by Sara C. at 6:37 AM on July 29, 2013

You're too late for Plan B, it has to be taken within 72 hours of unprotected sex. If you're already suspecting pregnancy, Plan B won't do jack.

Get a pregnancy test. If you can, get a blood pregnancy test rather than a pee-stick, as a blood test will show sooner.

You are probably not pregnant, but you might be, so hurry up and get tested before your abortion window closes.
posted by windykites at 7:31 AM on July 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

Oh, and don't mess around with weird amounts of standard birth control pills. You'll just make yourself sick. Even if that would work, which it wouldn't, it's too late- it would be a similar effect as taking Plan B, that is, useless at this stage.

Edit: didn't see that your riskiest behaviour was last night. Go, get the Plan B immediately AND the pregnancy test! Now! Go!
posted by windykites at 7:34 AM on July 29, 2013

You should take Plan B for your risky behavior last night, however it will not do ANYTHING if you are already pregnant. Having sex ten days after your period, for ten days, puts you well within a potentially fertile window.

The spotting you had could be implantation bleeding, in which case you need Planned Parenthood (a pregnancy , or could be OVULATION bleeding, in which case taking the Plan B will help.

So take the Plan B ASAP and then called Planned Parenthood.
posted by lydhre at 7:57 AM on July 29, 2013

Just get Plan B, no one can tell you exactly what your odds are of pregnancy (except that they are definitely not zero), so isn't it worth $40 for the peace of mind? It's a fraction of the cost - and the stress - of an abortion. That's definitely what I would do.

Then you've got your Ortho-Tri-Cyclen ready to go so you can start it up and then have all the uncovered genital rubbing you want to - SAFELY!
posted by treehorn+bunny at 8:24 AM on July 29, 2013

Don't ever use a pack of pills as EC. It will make you puke.
posted by hellameangirl at 10:11 AM on July 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

It might be too late for Plan B, but I think you should take it anyhow, if last night's activity is what concerns you the most. Here's a $10 coupon for Plan B One Step. You can buy the generic formulation, which is cheaper, if you have ID and are 17 or older.

A better option, if you can get to a doctor or clinic, is a prescription for Ella, which is effective for a longer window of time.

If you are in fact already pregnant, no emergency contraception will change that fact and studies indicate that it is not harmful to the zygote.
posted by cowboy_sally at 10:27 AM on July 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

It won't hurt to get EC. Might be able to get a discount at Planned Parenthood? Probably worth it for peace of mind at least.

And as far as the slight bleeding, I have two ideas, based on things that had happened to me: going off birth control made my periods and spotting weird for a couple months. Not sure it would still affect you 5 months later but maybe. Also, were you possibly having rougher sex without lubrication and got some small tears in your vagina? Or he has not cared for his fingernails, if those were inside you? I had that happen with a previous partner and I had slight spotting for around 24 hours.
posted by manicure12 at 11:03 AM on July 29, 2013

We've already discussed what would happen in case of pregnancy (abortion). I will be more careful in the future, I promise. Do I take multiple birth control pills? Do I get plan B? Is it too late and I cross my fingers? Is this all unnecessary? How high is my risk, anyways? What would you do in my shoes?

If I were in your shoes, I would head to the nearest Planned Parenthood and tell them exactly what is written here and ask for some advice on moving forward. I would also ask them for some further information because quite frankly, your lack of knowledge is alarming for someone who is sexually active. Don't worry though, I was that person too until I got informed! It's all a learning process and PP can walk you through it with no shame or judgement. Play safe and have fun!
posted by futureisunwritten at 11:08 AM on July 29, 2013

Some sources suggest that emergency contraception (besides Ella) can be taken up to 120 hours (or 5 days) after a pregnancy risk.

Obviously it's going to be more effective the sooner you take it, but just wanted to throw that out there. Good luck!
posted by sarahgrace at 11:19 AM on July 29, 2013

Mod note: This is a response from an anonymous answerer.

Hi. Everyone here is correct in that we can't really make a call on this ... if you had been tracking your temperature for "rhythm method," or had in the past, it could give some helpful data in that you'd have a general idea where in the cycle your ovulation falls. But note it's not a predictor, just helpful data.

I've recently been in a similar situation. This is what I learned and I hope it helps you:

Plan B works by giving your system a big jolt of progesterone. This was incredibly counter-intuitive to me, since your progesterone naturally increases after ovulation during the cycle, and definitely after conception. Best I could glean, the artificial flooding with progesterone causes a counter crash, which is like the body's natural signal to menstruate. It is recommended within 48 hours but the actual window is 5 days.

If the spotting is from implantation, it will not be effective. If the spotting is from ovulation, it will. If your birth control is not a progesterone-only formula, do NOT try to jerry-rig it at home.

In my case, it made me a little nauseous, but not enough to not function, and some of that could have been anxiety anyway. It delayed the period, which didn't help the anxiety; I think I was on the verge of starting, but I went with the better-to-do-something option, since I was going to be stuck in wait-and-see anyway. I also think it contributed to some unusually psychotic pms symptoms in the last couple of months, but I had also, unfortunately, been in a position where I took two sequential rounds a month apart.

To take the title of your post seriously for a second, no, I think you listened great! You have an awareness that there's a realm of reproductive responsibility you can be proactive in and that ambient semen is still a risk. Look, I have been the owner of the body of a grown-ass woman for over a quarter-of-century, and some of the stuff I learned in trying to make an informed Plan B decision -- such as the "corpus luteum" magical-temporary organ! -- shocked me in that I hadn't learned it earlier, and that it seemed to take so much effort to unearth it. Best.

posted by cortex (staff) at 11:36 AM on July 29, 2013

I could ask him to pay/pay half and would do so if necessary...We've already discussed what would happen in case of pregnancy (abortion).

Abortions are much more expensive than Plan B. Don't put yourself in a situation where you will have to come up with a lot of money quickly instead of a little money quickly.

If you don't want to ask for help paying for it, find something to sell on craigslist or take to a pawnshop, or go sell some plasma. Don't be shy about asking him to help pay though, he could have put a condom on sooner and you wouldn't be having to deal with this.
posted by yohko at 2:45 PM on July 29, 2013

I would suggest making a trip to your local Planned Parenthood if at all possible.
The PP in my neck of the woods:
- Only makes appointments for today and tomorrow at any given time, so if you call right when they open you have a great chance of being seen quickly rather than waiting weeks at a time.
- Offer low to no cost pregnancy tests (and STD tests, while you're at it) on a sliding fee scale based on your income. I got lab work for a UTI done the other day and it was $10 for the doctor's visit, lab work, and prescription TOTAL.
- Sells $35 emergency contraception, but I understand it can be stressful to pull together even that much in a very limited time span. I have no experience with ELLA, it requires a prescription and I assume the physicians there could do that.

Planned Parenthood chat is a great resource for specific and discreet information that you KNOW is reputable.
http://www.plannedparenthoodchat.org/

After this is all done, consider going on hormonal birth control. Same deal with the sliding fee scale, mine was free for a number of years. It is so worth not having the insane stress of a possible unplanned pregnancy.
posted by rubster at 6:02 PM on July 29, 2013

Also, SOME birth control prescriptions CAN be used as emergency contraception but not ALL.

HERE is a website that will give you more information on all forms of emergency contraception, but specifically offers a chart with brands that would be effective for this method.

If you take too many pills or the wrong pills, you are wasting them, will end up with an icky stomach ache, and might throw off your cycle even more.
posted by rubster at 6:06 PM on July 29, 2013