What do I do with myself during a break from school + beyond?

July 26, 2013 3:49 PM

Because of troubles at school, I have been forced to take some time off to re-evaluate. My question is, what would be beneficial things to do, what should I try and focus on, how can I improve myself within the context of my situation, etc.

This will definitely be long and very likely be insufferable. Apologies in advance and thank you to anyone who reads and responds to this mess. I just really don't know what to do next.

Background: I am a rising senior at a top LAC that has really tough grading/high expectations in general. My whole college experience thus far has been pretty bad--poor performance and no friends left. I had one semester sophomore year that was OK but other than that it's been a lot of procrastination, anxiety, extensions and withdrawals. My grades are pretty bad, about a 3.3-3.4 right now. I have changed majors twice. The major I'm in right now is OK. I'm as interested in the subject as I can possibly be in any academic subject, which is to say not very much but I can't think of any subject that I would like better.
Because I took in completes for all of my classes this semester, my school administration VERY STRONGLY recommended that I take a semester off, so I am. My parents want me to take some classes at my local university and live at home during my time off. I am prepared to do this but I really do not like the idea because 1) I really really hate my hometown and I have since I have lived here, from age 7 or so 2) because I took in completes in all of my courses, I have spent all summer doing schoolwork and may not even finish my finals from last semester before my local college starts 3) I don't really see the point, since it won't help me graduate any faster and many classes are incompatible with my college. I haven't lived at home full time since I was about 14 or so because I went to boarding school and then onto college and already it's stressing me out. I love my parents but because of my poor work ethic, they are constantly checking up on me and because I am immature and extremely prone to procrastination, this only makes me put things off more. That said, in some ways it could be beneficial and frankly necessary to live at home. I don't have a license, although I should be able to get it in the next 2 weeks or so, I have no real employment history (always did internships or summer courses) and have very little autonomy and real world skills. I also have mild-moderate social anxiety and just gained like 50 lbs which only makes it worse, which I think compounds my lack of experience and basically makes me pretty incompetent/unwilling to get a job in town especially because i'm scared of seeing people I grew up with etc.

My question is, what is the next step? I don't know what to do to make this time off beneficial and I don't know what the next step after that is. I'm already having a very hard time finishing off the coursework at hand and I don't feel like I have any solid post-grad plans. My majors are econ/math and I was planning on entering finance but that's just a default and I don't feel qualified to do so anyway. I just feel very demotivated and don't know what to do with myself. I am seeing a therapist and trying to exercise a lot etc. but because of trying to finish off my coursework, I feel very bogged down. Also, I don't really feel like I have any substantial future ahead but I feel like I am obligated to try and enter a high earning field because my education was so pricey. I just want to have a life beyond hiding in my room, binge eating and procrastinating on schoolwork but I don't really know how.

Any advice or insight would be appreciated, sorry that this is such a messy post.

posted by hejrat to Education (12 answers total)

The next step is to see a doctor and tell them what you've told us.

For the practical side of things, *Unfuck Your Habitat* is a cleaning Tumblr but the patterns it recommends can be applied to almost anything.

You are overwhelmed and everything is wrong and you don't know what to do about it. Don't try to solve absolutely everything, just one thing at a time. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
posted by tel3path at 3:58 PM on July 26, 2013

Response by poster: This was sort of glossed over in the original post but for reference I am seeing a therapist and she knows a lot of this. She doesn't think living at home would be helpful and suggested I look into options other than the route of live at home --> take classes at local uni. She also suggested I see a psychiatrist but my parents have brushed it off and don't seem to think it's necessary, plus the nearest one is a ways away.
posted by hejrat at 4:11 PM on July 26, 2013

She also suggested I see a psychiatrist but my parents have brushed it off and don't seem to think it's necessary,

You're an adult, so your parents' opinion regarding whether you should see a psychiatrist is immaterial. The therapist is the professional, here.

You shouldn't spent this off-time taking classes. You should get your driver's license and then get a job, any job, along with making an appointment with a psychiatrist.
posted by deanc at 4:23 PM on July 26, 2013 [1 favorite]

See a psychiatrist without your parents' permission. Don't live at home. Your therapist is giving you good advice and you should listen to her.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 4:45 PM on July 26, 2013

Your grades are 3.3-3.4 out of a 4.0 scale? Because that's not bad at all, a solid B/A range overall sounds pretty damn good. I am sorry that your last semester sucked, and that you are struggling.
I totally agree that you should not live at home and to see a psychiatrist. Good luck.
posted by florencetnoa at 5:08 PM on July 26, 2013 [2 favorites]

1) 3.3-3.4 is not bad. Seriously. Sure, 3.3 isn't a world-beating GPA, but it's more than respectable. It's totally okay to be disappointed in your grades or feel you could do better, but you've not done badly. Oh? On re-reading, you're a math major? All that goes double. (I was a math major.)

2) What's the actual backstory here? How'd you end up taking four (or however many) incompletes? In my experience, that means something in your life got upended--healthwise or otherwise. The school's telling you to take a semester off so you can recover from whatever that was. This is actually a good opportunity. If you go back to school less anxious/less procrastinatey*/more enthused/less hit by a bus/whatever, school should be easier and more enjoyable. Maybe the way to do that is to work with your therapist and see the psychiatrist. Maybe it's to work at the grocery store or wherever. Or both. But you can say to your parents "I don't think taking classes is the best thing for me and here's why. [explanation] Plus the credits won't transfer in a way that's useful for me. Instead, I'm going to do [plan]."

*Yeah, if you figure that one out, tell me.
posted by hoyland at 5:13 PM on July 26, 2013 [1 favorite]

I also have mild-moderate social anxiety and just gained like 50 lbs which only makes it worse,

In addition to seeing your psychologist, please also see your doctor for a physical. Anxiety and weight gain are both often symptoms of bigger problems, and those problems may be physiological in addition to psychological.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:49 PM on July 26, 2013

Your grades, as other posters above say, aren't bad at all. You do sound under a lot of pressure though; it is coming from your parents or are you pressuring yourself to reach some impossible level of perfection?

Asuming your health isn't the problem, here's a thought: don't try to fill the time with self-improvement projects or 'beneficial things to do'; just go out and get a job. Don't move back in with your parents; support yourself for a while, even if it means living in a group house on a near-minimum wage salary. Perhaps a good look at life in "the real world" without your degree will encourage you to cut back on the procrastination, because I can assure you: that kind of behavior may get you nothing worse than incompletes in college, but it will NOT be acceptable to any employer.
posted by easily confused at 5:50 PM on July 26, 2013

Agreeing with the advice to find a job. Staying busy with something will be a good way to keep yourself engaged. It'll help with prioritizing tasks and making sure they get done--I know that I always work better when I need to take care of it. In my own experience, keeping occupied while focusing on something other than academics is a great way to let off some pressure too.
posted by jdgreen at 8:25 PM on July 26, 2013

Best answer: i experienced quite a lot of this when i was your age: went to a good LAC, didn't have a clue what i wanted to do with myself so switched majors twice, had a bunch of incompletes due to procrastination and lack of motivation and depression, grew up in a town i abhorred, ended up dropping out finally and having to move back home. i kept trying to go back to school to finish up but it just wasn't the right thing for me at the time.

what i would suggest is taking a year off school and working full-time or close to that. if you can, don't live at home and that will solve your running into old friends dilemma. in addition to getting a job get out and socialize and have some fun. this is actually really important if you are neglecting this area of life. it will help greatly with the anxiety and if you have depression at all. go get that driver's license too as you will feel much better when you have the freedom of driving.

also, make an appointment with your school's career counselor and find out your meyers-briggs and learn what fields are recommended for your personality type. this site has good info on that. career counseling can be really helpful but getting out and exploring new things may be necessary too if you've lived a sheltered life. when i saw a career counselor the most helpful thing she said was to pick a career in something that you love and something that you are really good at. there are lots of good books on career issues like what color is your parachute? or more recent ones. good luck!
posted by wildflower at 9:35 PM on July 26, 2013 [1 favorite]

That GPA will get you into plenty of graduate schools and corporations. Try not to live with your parents who have ignorantly suggested you not seek therapeutical sanctuary.
posted by oceanjesse at 12:11 AM on July 27, 2013

The thing about university and anxiety/perfectionism/procrastination/depression is that they make each other worse. Your college excepts high standards, which they measure on a regular basis, but without giving you set times to be doing the things you need to do, and requiring you to be at least somewhat self-motivated. Your brain reacts by twisting itself into knots of worry, self-hatred and avoidance, so you get negative feedback, so you tend to avoid more. I've done it myself and I've mentored students with mental health problems that have done it.

The thing is, most jobs aren't like university. There might be high expectations, but most jobs are a lot more reactive rather than self-motivated and while of course they look at your peformance, they aren't testing you all the time.

For most people who describe the problems with college you talk about, the answer is better study skills in terms of organisation and getting to 'good enough'. If you're already taking time off though, getting a job might be a welcome relief and also take some of the worries about the future away.

I took a year out during my PhD where I worked in a bookshop, worked as a research assistant, tutored and volunteered with a speech therapy team. I was amazingly busy, but not anxious for the first time in years. Furthermore, the volunteering, teaching and research formed the basis for the career I've ended up in. You'll get something good out of this semester, even if it's not what you expect.

When I graduated the first time around, I was driving myself crazy trying to find a job I might want to do and I had no idea. It was a very freeing feeling to realise that you don't have to get the right job immediately. You could go and be a cleaner for six months while you explore ideas, or you could go into finance and then leave and do something else. There's no such thing as a perfectly constructed career and people in interesting jobs come through very varied routes.

If the thought of going to live with your parents makes your heart sink, you probably don't want to do that. Get a job and figure out a way to make it work, then fill the time around your job with things you actively want to do and figure out the rest of your life when it arrives.
posted by kadia_a at 12:56 AM on July 27, 2013