I have drama with my *gym.* Yep, gym. What to do?
June 20, 2013 11:34 PM Subscribe
Five months ago I joined a local, very expensive CrossFit box. Problems have arisen involving public scolding and, of all things, scheduling. I genuinely don't know how to proceed.
Difficulty level: Dutch.
I've been looking for a sport/fitness class to replace my beloved powerlifting, as I can't find any powerlifting gyms that aren't a two hour train ride away. My criteria were a social environment, coaching and proper equipment. So when a CrossFit box opened around the corner I was excited and signed up immediately.
Even though I managed to re-injure a formerly repaired torn meniscus within the first month of training, I really love CrossFit and the trainers. But I've had problems with the owner of the gym that have me seriously considering what to do.
Problem 1: there is an open gym session on Sunday. I asked the owner if trainers were available during that time and if I could do some very basic powerlifting training - back squats, deadlifts and bench. He said yes, and that would be fine. I arrive and there are several people there doing Olympic lifts. I asked the owner for a spot for my back squat and he scolded me loudly, telling me that if I couldn't do the lift by myself I shouldn't be doing it, and he had to work, and he didn't have time to babysit. I was shocked and, well, humiliated. I'm used to lifting in gyms where you spot each other, and it's often not safe to lift without spotters. I was also concerned that the owner seemed so, well, unconcerned with people in his gym lifting unsafely.
Problem 2: the gym has an online class registration system. Classes fill up very quickly, so people subscribe to every class they want to go to at the beginning of the week. Problem is, you're only allowed to unsubscribe seven hours ahead of the class. If you're inside that seven hour window, you're screwed. The gym has an active Facebook group, and people began posting their available spots if they couldn't make it. The owner shut this down very quickly, and told members that if they couldn't make it they should text message him.
Last night it became apparent at 5 that there was no way I could leave work for my 7pm class, so I texted the owner and went to the 8pm class. He practically lunged at me when I arrived, poking a finger in my chest, telling me that he had a business to run and had no time for my fucking around. I was baffled - I'd done what he said! - and he screamed that he would never allow us to unsubscribe from a class less than 7 hours ahead of time. He then insisted I do 10 burpees in front of the class. Yes, seriously. This is his rule. Miss a class, 100 burpees, in front of a jeering class. My injured knee was burning and swollen when I was done with the burpees and the WOD.
There have been three previous times when I havent' been able to make it to a class. Once the lock to my house broke and I had to wait for a locksmith, the other two times I just couldn't leave work. Every time I called to let them know.
I again felt humiliated, and afterwards approached him and explained that I was just doing what he said. He told me if I couldn't work with his system I should leave, that I didn't understand what was involved in running a business, that I was lazy and uncommitted.
I feel stung, and a bit angry that something as straightforward as going to the gym has become so complicated. I'm debating not going any more, but (a) it is the only CrossFit box in town, and (b) I have a lot of weight to lose and CrossFit is helping me lose it. I don't want to quit because of something as stupid as scheduling, but there are going to be times when it's just not acceptable for me to leave work to go to the gym and I won't know until late in the day, and I don't want to have to deal with public humiliation every time this happens.
So, Wise Green, what would you do? Quit, knowing there's no alternative gym? Or stay, and accept the screamings and scoldings with grace?
Difficulty level: Dutch.
I've been looking for a sport/fitness class to replace my beloved powerlifting, as I can't find any powerlifting gyms that aren't a two hour train ride away. My criteria were a social environment, coaching and proper equipment. So when a CrossFit box opened around the corner I was excited and signed up immediately.
Even though I managed to re-injure a formerly repaired torn meniscus within the first month of training, I really love CrossFit and the trainers. But I've had problems with the owner of the gym that have me seriously considering what to do.
Problem 1: there is an open gym session on Sunday. I asked the owner if trainers were available during that time and if I could do some very basic powerlifting training - back squats, deadlifts and bench. He said yes, and that would be fine. I arrive and there are several people there doing Olympic lifts. I asked the owner for a spot for my back squat and he scolded me loudly, telling me that if I couldn't do the lift by myself I shouldn't be doing it, and he had to work, and he didn't have time to babysit. I was shocked and, well, humiliated. I'm used to lifting in gyms where you spot each other, and it's often not safe to lift without spotters. I was also concerned that the owner seemed so, well, unconcerned with people in his gym lifting unsafely.
Problem 2: the gym has an online class registration system. Classes fill up very quickly, so people subscribe to every class they want to go to at the beginning of the week. Problem is, you're only allowed to unsubscribe seven hours ahead of the class. If you're inside that seven hour window, you're screwed. The gym has an active Facebook group, and people began posting their available spots if they couldn't make it. The owner shut this down very quickly, and told members that if they couldn't make it they should text message him.
Last night it became apparent at 5 that there was no way I could leave work for my 7pm class, so I texted the owner and went to the 8pm class. He practically lunged at me when I arrived, poking a finger in my chest, telling me that he had a business to run and had no time for my fucking around. I was baffled - I'd done what he said! - and he screamed that he would never allow us to unsubscribe from a class less than 7 hours ahead of time. He then insisted I do 10 burpees in front of the class. Yes, seriously. This is his rule. Miss a class, 100 burpees, in front of a jeering class. My injured knee was burning and swollen when I was done with the burpees and the WOD.
There have been three previous times when I havent' been able to make it to a class. Once the lock to my house broke and I had to wait for a locksmith, the other two times I just couldn't leave work. Every time I called to let them know.
I again felt humiliated, and afterwards approached him and explained that I was just doing what he said. He told me if I couldn't work with his system I should leave, that I didn't understand what was involved in running a business, that I was lazy and uncommitted.
I feel stung, and a bit angry that something as straightforward as going to the gym has become so complicated. I'm debating not going any more, but (a) it is the only CrossFit box in town, and (b) I have a lot of weight to lose and CrossFit is helping me lose it. I don't want to quit because of something as stupid as scheduling, but there are going to be times when it's just not acceptable for me to leave work to go to the gym and I won't know until late in the day, and I don't want to have to deal with public humiliation every time this happens.
So, Wise Green, what would you do? Quit, knowing there's no alternative gym? Or stay, and accept the screamings and scoldings with grace?
Best answer: As far as I'm aware different gyms have different cultures. Some of them (my brother is involved in a couple groups like this) are similar to what you are describing - very strict, very "mean," very much not catering to anyone easily offended or sensitive to political correctness and such. It is, to those who go there, a strength, not a weakness; the type of client they want is the type who enjoys a militaristic bootcamp-style atmosphere. It seems like you don't, which makes my first impulse to say you should probably quit and find a more flexible gym. You've missed four classes, this guy has flat out told you he is not cool with clients missing classes without sufficient notice - frankly I kind of agree with him on the fact that you aren't understanding his side of the business on that point. It doesn't matter if you sometimes can't leave work on time; in that case you need to not commit to a class you might not be able to get to. It's a choice. Or find a gym where classes are open walk-in style and you don't have to register.
posted by celtalitha at 11:42 PM on June 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by celtalitha at 11:42 PM on June 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
Best answer: By the way, I'm not saying that it's unreasonable for you to object/dislike this kind of treatment and atmosphere; I would too, but therefore I wouldn't be joining a gym like that. I do understand that I can't make a commitment to a group and break the commitment every time something comes up and not have there be consequences, however.
posted by celtalitha at 11:44 PM on June 20, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by celtalitha at 11:44 PM on June 20, 2013 [3 favorites]
Personally, I am not willing to give money to someone who treats me like shit.
posted by mollymayhem at 11:47 PM on June 20, 2013 [94 favorites]
posted by mollymayhem at 11:47 PM on June 20, 2013 [94 favorites]
Quit. And next time someone demands that you do100 burpees you can just say no - you're not in prison.
posted by imalaowai at 11:49 PM on June 20, 2013 [34 favorites]
posted by imalaowai at 11:49 PM on June 20, 2013 [34 favorites]
Response by poster: I swear I won't threadsit, but my biggest problem isn't so much the policy (I can understand that), but more that the owner said that if we couldn't make it we should text him. I did what I understood we were meant to do and got chewed out. Same thing with asking for a spot during the open gym.
posted by nerdfish at 11:50 PM on June 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by nerdfish at 11:50 PM on June 20, 2013 [1 favorite]
If your goal is to lose weight, I would keep going and take refuge in my progress. I mean, getting what you really want in life sometimes involves putting up with a lot of bullshit, so I would just keep at it until they physically ejected me from the place if I felt I had no other viable option.
Was everyone really "jeering" at you? I don't know, this seems like 1984-esque, and I was wondering if maybe you're distorting that a little?
I basically would not listen to the owner, because he is a madman. So can you just avoid taking classes with him, or does he run everything? I would just expect everything coming out of his mouth to be insane. I would ignore him as much as possible.
posted by amodelcitizen at 11:56 PM on June 20, 2013
Was everyone really "jeering" at you? I don't know, this seems like 1984-esque, and I was wondering if maybe you're distorting that a little?
I basically would not listen to the owner, because he is a madman. So can you just avoid taking classes with him, or does he run everything? I would just expect everything coming out of his mouth to be insane. I would ignore him as much as possible.
posted by amodelcitizen at 11:56 PM on June 20, 2013
Quit. Can you imagine if you said "My partner and I have an agreement about X. He requested we change the agreement slightly. When I did as he asked, he responded by screaming at me and forcing me to perform physical activity that aggravated an injury." I can't find a way to read that without concluding that the guy in question is, at best, an asshole. The asshole part of it doesn't go away just because it's a business arrangement. You wouldn't put up with this sort of inconsistent, crazy behavior from a partner or a coworker, right? So don't here, either.
Cut your losses on this one--find a more stable environment or work out at home, but don't keep giving this asshole your money. Situations like this--where the culture at an establishment is dominated by a crazy-seeming person--tend to get worse, not better.
posted by MeghanC at 12:03 AM on June 21, 2013 [6 favorites]
Cut your losses on this one--find a more stable environment or work out at home, but don't keep giving this asshole your money. Situations like this--where the culture at an establishment is dominated by a crazy-seeming person--tend to get worse, not better.
posted by MeghanC at 12:03 AM on June 21, 2013 [6 favorites]
This place sounds crazypants; no way would I stick around at a box like that. I wouldn't *visit* more than once if I witnessed/experienced this kind of behavior by the owner, let alone keep an expensive membership. That's someone who doesn't deserve your money, time, and commitment.
Also, I don't know what kind of membership terms you have, but if classes constantly filling up prevented me from working out as much as I wanted, I'd be really uncool with that.
You might try the Crossfit message boards to see if there's someone near you working out in a garage, looking for workout partners, or if people have suggestions for nearby globo gyms which are CF-friendly. This plan probably won't meet your desire for coaching, but then again, it sounds like this box owner doesn't either. If you are already pretty solid on your lifting, it could go pretty well.
posted by ktkt at 12:21 AM on June 21, 2013 [5 favorites]
Also, I don't know what kind of membership terms you have, but if classes constantly filling up prevented me from working out as much as I wanted, I'd be really uncool with that.
You might try the Crossfit message boards to see if there's someone near you working out in a garage, looking for workout partners, or if people have suggestions for nearby globo gyms which are CF-friendly. This plan probably won't meet your desire for coaching, but then again, it sounds like this box owner doesn't either. If you are already pretty solid on your lifting, it could go pretty well.
posted by ktkt at 12:21 AM on June 21, 2013 [5 favorites]
In the last line of your question, you ask us to choose from two options; I would choose a third. If you really feel that you "did what [you] understood [you] were meant to do and got chewed out," then I think you should say so to the manager. I wasn't there, so of course I don't know, but it sounds like you did what you thought you should, then got scolded, and immediately capitulated.
It occurs to me that the owner of a gym is probably big and intimidating, and in a similar situation, I would probably back down pretty quickly, too, but ... if you did what he said to do and he got angry , then there's either a miscommunication/misunderstanding, or he's crazy (or you are!)
Personally, I would have been finished after the first encounter, and would have asked for my membership fee back, but if it's your only choice then it's your only choice, and (I think) you should fight to get what you want out of the membership. There's already 'bad blood' between the two of you; it seems to me you haven't got much to lose from talking to him.
Good luck!
posted by segatakai at 12:21 AM on June 21, 2013
It occurs to me that the owner of a gym is probably big and intimidating, and in a similar situation, I would probably back down pretty quickly, too, but ... if you did what he said to do and he got angry , then there's either a miscommunication/misunderstanding, or he's crazy (or you are!)
Personally, I would have been finished after the first encounter, and would have asked for my membership fee back, but if it's your only choice then it's your only choice, and (I think) you should fight to get what you want out of the membership. There's already 'bad blood' between the two of you; it seems to me you haven't got much to lose from talking to him.
Good luck!
posted by segatakai at 12:21 AM on June 21, 2013
There are two types of hyper-strict, militaristic gym communities.
Type 1 is built around instilling discipline, prowess, and community. The 100 burpees rule for an infraction would not be abnormal. The idea is you have a top-notch coach who is going to mold the athletes into a tight-knit, high-performing group by applying collective pressure, the way you turn coal into a diamond.
Type 2 is trying to be like the first type, but really the hyper-strictness is a way for the coach to whip their dick around and feel like a big man. In this case the coach is terrifically self-important and likes to playact drill instructor and pretend they're just separating the wheat from the chaff.
The difference between the two is largely based in the competence and sanity of the coaches. For instance, in the first group a 100 burpees rule would be executed sanely and predictably, after a clear breach of rules, and the punishment would fit the scale of the infraction. The coach would also impose the punishment while still accounting for the individual athlete's injuries. Or in another example, the coach would demonstrate their competence as a coach by engaging in basic safety practices, like providing spots on back squats.
Your Wannabe Badass, though, would just look for reasons to scream at their athletes because that's what they see in the action movies. Unfortunately, because Crossfit encourages this Wannabe Badass attitude and has such a low barrier for affiliation it tends to attract these types of people like roadkill brings flies.
I would attend the first type of gym. I would not attend the second type, because it is asking for injury and humiliation (and you've already acquired the former). When I was new to lifting, I was in a gym where the atmosphere was more like Type 2 than Type 1, and it really fucked with my head and my perception of myself as a lifter.
I dunno if you are still in the Netherlands, but don't they have Olympic weightlifting, powerlifting, and bodybuilding unions? What you could do is contact the heads of those to see if there are any appropriate gyms in your area. Even if you're not interested in weightlifting or bodybuilding, gyms recommended by their unions should have any equipment you need.
posted by Anonymous at 12:30 AM on June 21, 2013
Type 1 is built around instilling discipline, prowess, and community. The 100 burpees rule for an infraction would not be abnormal. The idea is you have a top-notch coach who is going to mold the athletes into a tight-knit, high-performing group by applying collective pressure, the way you turn coal into a diamond.
Type 2 is trying to be like the first type, but really the hyper-strictness is a way for the coach to whip their dick around and feel like a big man. In this case the coach is terrifically self-important and likes to playact drill instructor and pretend they're just separating the wheat from the chaff.
The difference between the two is largely based in the competence and sanity of the coaches. For instance, in the first group a 100 burpees rule would be executed sanely and predictably, after a clear breach of rules, and the punishment would fit the scale of the infraction. The coach would also impose the punishment while still accounting for the individual athlete's injuries. Or in another example, the coach would demonstrate their competence as a coach by engaging in basic safety practices, like providing spots on back squats.
Your Wannabe Badass, though, would just look for reasons to scream at their athletes because that's what they see in the action movies. Unfortunately, because Crossfit encourages this Wannabe Badass attitude and has such a low barrier for affiliation it tends to attract these types of people like roadkill brings flies.
I would attend the first type of gym. I would not attend the second type, because it is asking for injury and humiliation (and you've already acquired the former). When I was new to lifting, I was in a gym where the atmosphere was more like Type 2 than Type 1, and it really fucked with my head and my perception of myself as a lifter.
I dunno if you are still in the Netherlands, but don't they have Olympic weightlifting, powerlifting, and bodybuilding unions? What you could do is contact the heads of those to see if there are any appropriate gyms in your area. Even if you're not interested in weightlifting or bodybuilding, gyms recommended by their unions should have any equipment you need.
posted by Anonymous at 12:30 AM on June 21, 2013
I guess one question is: Are you the kind of person who will start to resent this and use it as an excuse not to train, or the kind of person who can grit their teeth and just keep going? 'Cause I'm the former. Choosing a gym/sport for me is always at least 50% finding a place I actually want to go after a hard day of work, because otherwise I'm eventually just going to find excuses. In fact, that's exactly why I didn't end up going a Crossfit gym after doing a trial there -- I didn't like the owner, I didn't like the atmosphere, I didn't like that exact scheduling system (I too sometimes have to stay late at work at short notice and I hate contracts and all that stuff), and I quickly learnt that I didn't much like squats. It sucked, because I was so sure I was going to love it, and I knew the results are really good, and I couldn't find any other gyms in the area I liked.
But, ultimately, my long-term goal was fitness, and I wasn't going to achieve that at a place I knew I wasn't going to commit to long-term. I have learned that lesson at several other places where I dreaded going each day but tried to stick it out because I wanted to get fitter/better and I didn't think there were any better options. But inevitably, I would start skipping training because I was tired, or it was cold, or I got a better offer or... any excuse, really. Problem is, when I'm still technically committed to one gym, I'm not going to train at another or seek out anything new, so I just get out of shape and lazy and feel guilty.
But that's just me. Bottom line is: If your long-term goal is to lose weight, and you don't think you will last at this place long-term, then perhaps you're better reassessing your options now and considering something not so close to powerlifting, than just slogging it out at this place and growing increasingly frustrated and resentful until you just stop turning up.
posted by retrograde at 12:31 AM on June 21, 2013
But, ultimately, my long-term goal was fitness, and I wasn't going to achieve that at a place I knew I wasn't going to commit to long-term. I have learned that lesson at several other places where I dreaded going each day but tried to stick it out because I wanted to get fitter/better and I didn't think there were any better options. But inevitably, I would start skipping training because I was tired, or it was cold, or I got a better offer or... any excuse, really. Problem is, when I'm still technically committed to one gym, I'm not going to train at another or seek out anything new, so I just get out of shape and lazy and feel guilty.
But that's just me. Bottom line is: If your long-term goal is to lose weight, and you don't think you will last at this place long-term, then perhaps you're better reassessing your options now and considering something not so close to powerlifting, than just slogging it out at this place and growing increasingly frustrated and resentful until you just stop turning up.
posted by retrograde at 12:31 AM on June 21, 2013
Response by poster: @amodelcitizen just to clarify, by 'jeering' I meant 'mocking.' The tone was very 'whoa, look who's in trouble, get it over with' etc, which I've... kind of never experienced before.
posted by nerdfish at 12:32 AM on June 21, 2013
posted by nerdfish at 12:32 AM on June 21, 2013
I swear I won't threadsit, but my biggest problem isn't so much the policy (I can understand that), but more that the owner said that if we couldn't make it we should text him. I did what I understood we were meant to do and got chewed out. Same thing with asking for a spot during the open gym.
I don't know what you fucking want, the guy is telling you in blinking neon lights that he's inconsistent. He's telling "I've got a fucking business to run" is his fucking priority, not you, or keeping his word to you. He's telling you he doesn't give a fuck about your safety. Meanwhile, you're fucking tearing your meniscus and doing burpees to the point of swelling? What do you want, a cookie? His respect? Admiration? Validation? Motivation? You want to know that the tough shit reality is? You can't rely on other people for these things.
It sounds like this guy has smacked you so hard you don't know which way is up. You're paying through the nose to be there. Upending this guy at his own establishment sounds next to impossible. I would bet dollars to donuts there's at least a handful of bootcamps or Meetup groups that exercise in your area.
If you're dying to keep going to this Crossfit, which just sounds like an all-around shit fit for you, figure out if you can go in the mornings before work and stop missing classes.
Listen, this has happened to me a handful of times. The promise of something great that involves dealing with a person who is seriously stupid. Or, a person that constantly moves the goalposts. Or underdelivers. A person is telling you who they are. You can't change them. It's just a question of what you're able to tolerate. Taking this shit personally, like he is targeting you, is probably not that accurate. Chances are, he's doing something wrong, and it's going to catch up to him.
At the very least, take a break. And explore other options.
posted by phaedon at 12:35 AM on June 21, 2013 [15 favorites]
I don't know what you fucking want, the guy is telling you in blinking neon lights that he's inconsistent. He's telling "I've got a fucking business to run" is his fucking priority, not you, or keeping his word to you. He's telling you he doesn't give a fuck about your safety. Meanwhile, you're fucking tearing your meniscus and doing burpees to the point of swelling? What do you want, a cookie? His respect? Admiration? Validation? Motivation? You want to know that the tough shit reality is? You can't rely on other people for these things.
It sounds like this guy has smacked you so hard you don't know which way is up. You're paying through the nose to be there. Upending this guy at his own establishment sounds next to impossible. I would bet dollars to donuts there's at least a handful of bootcamps or Meetup groups that exercise in your area.
If you're dying to keep going to this Crossfit, which just sounds like an all-around shit fit for you, figure out if you can go in the mornings before work and stop missing classes.
Listen, this has happened to me a handful of times. The promise of something great that involves dealing with a person who is seriously stupid. Or, a person that constantly moves the goalposts. Or underdelivers. A person is telling you who they are. You can't change them. It's just a question of what you're able to tolerate. Taking this shit personally, like he is targeting you, is probably not that accurate. Chances are, he's doing something wrong, and it's going to catch up to him.
At the very least, take a break. And explore other options.
posted by phaedon at 12:35 AM on June 21, 2013 [15 favorites]
...I joined a local, very expensive CrossFit box.
If a significant non-refundable sign-up fee is part of that expense, or if you pay for a substantial term of membership up front, I'd guess the owner is systematically driving people away to maximize his income.
In that scenario, he sees you as someone he can easily get rid of by mistreating, probably because of your injury.
posted by jamjam at 12:39 AM on June 21, 2013 [6 favorites]
If a significant non-refundable sign-up fee is part of that expense, or if you pay for a substantial term of membership up front, I'd guess the owner is systematically driving people away to maximize his income.
In that scenario, he sees you as someone he can easily get rid of by mistreating, probably because of your injury.
posted by jamjam at 12:39 AM on June 21, 2013 [6 favorites]
There are plenty of ways to get fit/lose weight without this bullshit.
I would not enjoy being around this person or giving him my money. I'd go elsewhere if I were you.
posted by Salamander at 12:42 AM on June 21, 2013 [3 favorites]
I would not enjoy being around this person or giving him my money. I'd go elsewhere if I were you.
posted by Salamander at 12:42 AM on June 21, 2013 [3 favorites]
Is he like this to everyone? You mention you have a lot of weight to lose and he called you lazy and uncommitted, I would suggest that perhaps you're not the kind of customer he wants at his gym and is trying to harrass you into leaving. The notion that overweight people are lazy, stupid and should hide themselves away in shame is sadly far too common.
If you've paid up-front, keep going until you've gotten what you paid for then leave (assuming you can't get a refund). You don't need a gym to work-out and lose weight.
Next time he yells at you or orders you to do 100 burpees, tell him to go fuck himself.... or gently remind him that you are a paying customer not his prisoner and he doesn't get to order you about. If he refuses to let you join classes, demand a refund. (if he wont give it to you, then take him to small claims court for breach of contract)
posted by missmagenta at 12:51 AM on June 21, 2013 [5 favorites]
If you've paid up-front, keep going until you've gotten what you paid for then leave (assuming you can't get a refund). You don't need a gym to work-out and lose weight.
Next time he yells at you or orders you to do 100 burpees, tell him to go fuck himself.... or gently remind him that you are a paying customer not his prisoner and he doesn't get to order you about. If he refuses to let you join classes, demand a refund. (if he wont give it to you, then take him to small claims court for breach of contract)
posted by missmagenta at 12:51 AM on June 21, 2013 [5 favorites]
I don't want to quit because of something as stupid as scheduling
Well, the thing is, it's not "something as stupid as scheduling," it's something as significant as some guy CHARGING YOU MONEY to berate you in front of other people, humiliate you, and coerce you into doing physical activities that are painful and could be detrimental to your overall fitness progress. Fitness isn't supposed to be some huge joyless endeavor.
It sounds like the owner is a jerk. I try not to give my time or money to jerks.
posted by easy, lucky, free at 1:13 AM on June 21, 2013 [5 favorites]
Well, the thing is, it's not "something as stupid as scheduling," it's something as significant as some guy CHARGING YOU MONEY to berate you in front of other people, humiliate you, and coerce you into doing physical activities that are painful and could be detrimental to your overall fitness progress. Fitness isn't supposed to be some huge joyless endeavor.
It sounds like the owner is a jerk. I try not to give my time or money to jerks.
posted by easy, lucky, free at 1:13 AM on June 21, 2013 [5 favorites]
Quit!!! I'm also a CrossFitter and a few things you've said are really alarming!
1) No coach should EVER tell you that if you can't do the lift, you shouldn't do it. As a coach it's HIS JOB to help you be able to do the lifts safely!
2) Reinjured your knee already and only a month in? Please tell me you did NOT hurt it lifting and just missed a box jump or something because if you hurt it lifting, see point 1.
3) Humiliation. Nope. The culture at my gym's completely different. You're the last to finish the WOD? Everyone else in your class will be yelling and cheering you on to keep pushing through and finish. There's NEVER any mocking if you really can't do something or are needing help. There will be some trash talk if you give up doing something though...
4) 100 burpees on an injured knee?? Clearly this guy has NO idea what he's doing because you should never do an exercise that'll aggravate an injury. You scale it or you change it to a different exercise.
You're not quitting because of scheduling. You're quitting because the owner sounds like an asshole who doesn't give a shit about how you're training and doesn't care that you're injured. Your health (physical and mental) is not worth this CrossFit gym.
posted by astapasta24 at 1:28 AM on June 21, 2013 [39 favorites]
1) No coach should EVER tell you that if you can't do the lift, you shouldn't do it. As a coach it's HIS JOB to help you be able to do the lifts safely!
2) Reinjured your knee already and only a month in? Please tell me you did NOT hurt it lifting and just missed a box jump or something because if you hurt it lifting, see point 1.
3) Humiliation. Nope. The culture at my gym's completely different. You're the last to finish the WOD? Everyone else in your class will be yelling and cheering you on to keep pushing through and finish. There's NEVER any mocking if you really can't do something or are needing help. There will be some trash talk if you give up doing something though...
4) 100 burpees on an injured knee?? Clearly this guy has NO idea what he's doing because you should never do an exercise that'll aggravate an injury. You scale it or you change it to a different exercise.
You're not quitting because of scheduling. You're quitting because the owner sounds like an asshole who doesn't give a shit about how you're training and doesn't care that you're injured. Your health (physical and mental) is not worth this CrossFit gym.
posted by astapasta24 at 1:28 AM on June 21, 2013 [39 favorites]
Sounds like a bad place. You should talk to the guy's boss and tell them that that sort of crap is not acceptable. You want him to apologize and adjust, or you want the gym to refund your money and let you find a better place. If he is the boss at that gym, talk to people higher up in the company until you get someone who listens.
And this is CrossFit at which exact location? I want to make sure my friends and family don't go there.
posted by pracowity at 1:56 AM on June 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
And this is CrossFit at which exact location? I want to make sure my friends and family don't go there.
posted by pracowity at 1:56 AM on June 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
If I wanted to be treated like that I'd join the army. If some jerk at a gym I'm paying for tried to treat me like that he'd be one very sorry jerk indeed, very quickly. How about you? Do you want to be treated like this? If not, the solution is obvious, isn't it?
But if you stick with it, do try to remember the jerk has no authority over you whatsoever. Next time he tells you to do 100 burpees as a punishment, laugh in his face.
posted by Decani at 2:09 AM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
But if you stick with it, do try to remember the jerk has no authority over you whatsoever. Next time he tells you to do 100 burpees as a punishment, laugh in his face.
posted by Decani at 2:09 AM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: I just want to say in the guy's defense that by the time of the 'punishment burpees' he probably had no idea that my knee was still injured, and I didn't say anything about it. My knee has been doing well in workouts because I scale and take my time. In the context of that exchange I didn't want to make excuses so I just did them as fast as I could, so if my knee blew up after the workout it was my own damned fault for not saying anything.
posted by nerdfish at 2:18 AM on June 21, 2013
posted by nerdfish at 2:18 AM on June 21, 2013
Problems have arisen involving public scolding
This has nothing to do with your particular gym. This is a Dutch thing. Haven't you noticed how the Dutch speak to each other? Public scolding is a way of life over there.
I've been working on and off as a consultant in the Hague for six years and I have lost count of the number of times I have been scolded for this that or the other thing. Once, before the OV chipcard system was installed, I stepped onto the tram without noticing that my strippenkaart was filled and when I didn't have correct change for the tram and the driver began lecturing me on how inconsiderate I was.
Or stay, and accept the screamings and scoldings with grace?
Stay. Even though directed personally at you, it's not personal. Let it run off your back and give as good as you get. That's the Dutch way.
posted by three blind mice at 2:26 AM on June 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
This has nothing to do with your particular gym. This is a Dutch thing. Haven't you noticed how the Dutch speak to each other? Public scolding is a way of life over there.
I've been working on and off as a consultant in the Hague for six years and I have lost count of the number of times I have been scolded for this that or the other thing. Once, before the OV chipcard system was installed, I stepped onto the tram without noticing that my strippenkaart was filled and when I didn't have correct change for the tram and the driver began lecturing me on how inconsiderate I was.
Or stay, and accept the screamings and scoldings with grace?
Stay. Even though directed personally at you, it's not personal. Let it run off your back and give as good as you get. That's the Dutch way.
posted by three blind mice at 2:26 AM on June 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
I am so sorry to hear this. I know nothing about gym culture (I don't even know what a burpee is!), but I do know about the "service" culture in the Randstad. And given that, I think you're fighting a losing battle. I would say your options are:
1) Keep a low profile, go along and do your classes, don't take it personally.
2) Quit. But know that you're going to run into this sort of problem as a paying customer over and over again while living in this part of the world.
If you want to quit but have some sort of ongoing contract, you could go to the Juridisch Loket to see what your options are (ie if you don't feel that the service is as advertised, or appropriate, or whatever, you might possibly have a legal out.
On preview, I agree wholeheartedly with three blind mice (except that I'd argue that it's mostly a Randstad problem and people in other parts of the country are a bit more, well, normal. We are just so jammed in here and people tend to take it out on each other.) I could share so many stories about bad customer service with you, some of them hilarious in hindsight as they were so outrageous. Just a few weeks ago I was at the local Albert Heijn and overheard a tearful English speaker talking about how she'd just paid for a taxi ride and when she got out the driver gave her a talking-to about how the job had been really inconvenient for him and taken him in the opposite direction to where he wanted to go (!!) Go figure. That sort of thing can be really hurtful, but unfortunately it goes with the territory.
posted by rubbish bin night at 2:34 AM on June 21, 2013
1) Keep a low profile, go along and do your classes, don't take it personally.
2) Quit. But know that you're going to run into this sort of problem as a paying customer over and over again while living in this part of the world.
If you want to quit but have some sort of ongoing contract, you could go to the Juridisch Loket to see what your options are (ie if you don't feel that the service is as advertised, or appropriate, or whatever, you might possibly have a legal out.
On preview, I agree wholeheartedly with three blind mice (except that I'd argue that it's mostly a Randstad problem and people in other parts of the country are a bit more, well, normal. We are just so jammed in here and people tend to take it out on each other.) I could share so many stories about bad customer service with you, some of them hilarious in hindsight as they were so outrageous. Just a few weeks ago I was at the local Albert Heijn and overheard a tearful English speaker talking about how she'd just paid for a taxi ride and when she got out the driver gave her a talking-to about how the job had been really inconvenient for him and taken him in the opposite direction to where he wanted to go (!!) Go figure. That sort of thing can be really hurtful, but unfortunately it goes with the territory.
posted by rubbish bin night at 2:34 AM on June 21, 2013
I agree with three blind mice that it totally is a Dutch thing to yell at people who, simply, are there. Seems to be the accepted right of everyone to vent spleens whenever necessary. [Edit: a million examples from my 12 years there]
I would quit nevertheless. My god would I quit.
posted by Namlit at 3:15 AM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
I would quit nevertheless. My god would I quit.
posted by Namlit at 3:15 AM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Quit and give them a scathingly honest Yelp review. Other people need to be warned about this place.
posted by Metroid Baby at 3:17 AM on June 21, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by Metroid Baby at 3:17 AM on June 21, 2013 [7 favorites]
(Or whatever the Dutch equivalent of Yelp is, if there is one. I'm off to do 100 burpees for not reading carefully.)
posted by Metroid Baby at 3:19 AM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Metroid Baby at 3:19 AM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
I don't care if it's the Dutch culture to yell at you, then kiss you and stuff you with cookies, or that it's Crossfit culture to humiliate you, then turn you into a god/dess among humans.
1) This guy is an inconsistent bully who does not follow through on his responsibilities to you. If the actual rule is "no missed classes ever", fine. Say that and live with that. He shut down an alternative set-up among students, and if he said to text him to alert him, then punishes you for it: fuck him. With something rusty and sharp.
2) This guy bullies you into performing burpees on an injured knee. This is not supportive of your long term or short term fitness goals. Again: Him. Sharp Thing. Rusty.
Find another gym where the rules are clear and followed through consistently. You may still have to work hard, you may still have to pay for missed classes, you may still get yelled at, but you should be working with a gym owner who is coming from a position of strength, not weakness. Find somebody consistent.
posted by maudlin at 4:26 AM on June 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
1) This guy is an inconsistent bully who does not follow through on his responsibilities to you. If the actual rule is "no missed classes ever", fine. Say that and live with that. He shut down an alternative set-up among students, and if he said to text him to alert him, then punishes you for it: fuck him. With something rusty and sharp.
2) This guy bullies you into performing burpees on an injured knee. This is not supportive of your long term or short term fitness goals. Again: Him. Sharp Thing. Rusty.
Find another gym where the rules are clear and followed through consistently. You may still have to work hard, you may still have to pay for missed classes, you may still get yelled at, but you should be working with a gym owner who is coming from a position of strength, not weakness. Find somebody consistent.
posted by maudlin at 4:26 AM on June 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
Look, I could care less about anything else in your story. But when there is a lack of safe practice, it is time to go elsewhere.
posted by driley at 4:38 AM on June 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
posted by driley at 4:38 AM on June 21, 2013 [8 favorites]
It seems like there's a multitude of mediocre crossfire fly-by-night operations springing up everywhere these days, because the goal of half the people in crossfit is to eventually open their own studio. It's getting ponzi-schemish in that regard.
I know there are good competent crossfit gyms out there, but this is likely not one of those. Spend some time studying the reputations of the gyms around in your area and move to one that's run by a normal person. This guy sounds 'roid-level unhinged.
posted by Devils Rancher at 4:46 AM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
I know there are good competent crossfit gyms out there, but this is likely not one of those. Spend some time studying the reputations of the gyms around in your area and move to one that's run by a normal person. This guy sounds 'roid-level unhinged.
posted by Devils Rancher at 4:46 AM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
One more thing--militaristic-type gym groups are fantastic at developing loyalty in their members, even when that loyalty is completely misplaced. I bet you think if you disagree with this guy you're being one of the soft, weak, un-Paleoed that Crossfit likes to disparage. Part of how they develop that fanatic loyalty is by placing a bunch of sexy fit people in front of newbies and saying the only reason the newbies aren't sexy and fit is because they aren't tough enough, and the only way to become tough enough is through Crossfit. Then as you get fitter you become part of the group, part of the sexy, fit elite that can look down on everyone else. And if you don't like Crossfit? It's proof you're weak, and will never be sexy and fit.
Please re-read what phaedron said and consider why you're OK with this abuse in your life:
I don't know what you fucking want, the guy is telling you in blinking neon lights that he's inconsistent. He's telling "I've got a fucking business to run" is his fucking priority, not you, or keeping his word to you. He's telling you he doesn't give a fuck about your safety. Meanwhile, you're fucking tearing your meniscus and doing burpees to the point of swelling? What do you want, a cookie? His respect? Admiration? Validation? Motivation? You want to know that the tough shit reality is? You can't rely on other people for these things.
posted by Anonymous at 4:57 AM on June 21, 2013
Please re-read what phaedron said and consider why you're OK with this abuse in your life:
I don't know what you fucking want, the guy is telling you in blinking neon lights that he's inconsistent. He's telling "I've got a fucking business to run" is his fucking priority, not you, or keeping his word to you. He's telling you he doesn't give a fuck about your safety. Meanwhile, you're fucking tearing your meniscus and doing burpees to the point of swelling? What do you want, a cookie? His respect? Admiration? Validation? Motivation? You want to know that the tough shit reality is? You can't rely on other people for these things.
posted by Anonymous at 4:57 AM on June 21, 2013
I would bet that if you stood up for yourself, he'd back down. On the 100 burpees: "Go fuck yourself, I've got a torn meniscus and you know it."
On the inconsistent scheduling: "Make up your fucking mind, should we call within 7 hours to rescedule, or not?"
(translated into Dutch cursing, of course)
posted by notsnot at 5:07 AM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
On the inconsistent scheduling: "Make up your fucking mind, should we call within 7 hours to rescedule, or not?"
(translated into Dutch cursing, of course)
posted by notsnot at 5:07 AM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
A) You do not need CrossFit to get fit or to lose weight, you do not need to pay whatever you're paying for CrossFit to get fit or to lose weight, and you do not need to tolerate this kind of treatment to get fit or to lose weight. There is absolutely nothing that CrossFit offers that you couldn't do somewhere else in a safer, cheaper, saner environment. You mention almost in passing that you injured yourself within a month of joining, but that's as serious an issue as anything else you mentioned, and also completely unsurprising.
B) Certainly not all CrossFit gyms have this kind of atmosphere, and many of them are run by good, conscientious people. But it's not that much of an anomaly either. This kind of ridiciulous macho obnoxious attitude is constantly on display at the top of CrossFit corporate.
You may have already looked here, and I have no idea if any are near your location, but this directory lists 20 powerlifting gyms in the Netherlands.
But if none of those work, there are plenty of sports to get involved in, and surely there are plenty of regular gyms you could join and train on your own. If you need resources for self-teaching I'd be happy to recommend some.
posted by ludwig_van at 5:13 AM on June 21, 2013
B) Certainly not all CrossFit gyms have this kind of atmosphere, and many of them are run by good, conscientious people. But it's not that much of an anomaly either. This kind of ridiciulous macho obnoxious attitude is constantly on display at the top of CrossFit corporate.
You may have already looked here, and I have no idea if any are near your location, but this directory lists 20 powerlifting gyms in the Netherlands.
But if none of those work, there are plenty of sports to get involved in, and surely there are plenty of regular gyms you could join and train on your own. If you need resources for self-teaching I'd be happy to recommend some.
posted by ludwig_van at 5:13 AM on June 21, 2013
What an arsehat.
Ego blown maniacs like this are not helping or solving anything.
Tell him that being abused was not part of the deal and that he can to fuck himself.
Really, life is too short to feed the wallets and egos of bully wankers like this.
posted by adamvasco at 5:26 AM on June 21, 2013
Ego blown maniacs like this are not helping or solving anything.
Tell him that being abused was not part of the deal and that he can to fuck himself.
Really, life is too short to feed the wallets and egos of bully wankers like this.
posted by adamvasco at 5:26 AM on June 21, 2013
My wife is a trainer and runs her own facility stateside. While she likes certain aspects of crossfit, there are certain parts which are problematic and/or antithetical to her training philosophy. She utilizes some of the techniques; however, there are a lot of reasons that she isn't totally on board with it. In the US, the biggest reason is crossfit instructors do not need to have personal training certification - these are two very separate worlds. As such, if a crossfit instructors has not gone out of their way to understand a good deal of how the body works, and while their intentions are good, they generally aren't as capable of adapting to injury or modifying a routine proactively to avoid an injury.
As others have indicated, there's a great 'we can do it, we all do it together' attitude which crossfit has going for it, but there is serious danger when the people in charge don't understand when and how to modify a workout. Moreover the whole punitive 'drop and give me 100' isn't crossfit that's the ego grab. 'Drop and give me 100' is an okay concept if the instructor believes that you can do it and is helping you through a mental hurdle - but when it is done strictly as punitive - that's a sure sign of Schrodinger's type 2 gym.
Can they yell at you? Sure. Is it effective for some? Sure. Can they question your commitment? Sure. Can they opt not to spot you when you aren't doing their prescribed workout? Sure (but as a caveat, then they also should not allow you to powerlift, because at least stateside the liability would be on them and you can damage their equipment). Would I stay at a gym if all that nonsense was going on? No.
In cooking the behavior of getting everyone to punitively punish someone would probably qualify the kitchen as a 'pirate ship' meaning sure, pirates can be effective - but they aren't as drilled, efficient, and otherwise as skilled as they would like you to believe.
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:29 AM on June 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
As others have indicated, there's a great 'we can do it, we all do it together' attitude which crossfit has going for it, but there is serious danger when the people in charge don't understand when and how to modify a workout. Moreover the whole punitive 'drop and give me 100' isn't crossfit that's the ego grab. 'Drop and give me 100' is an okay concept if the instructor believes that you can do it and is helping you through a mental hurdle - but when it is done strictly as punitive - that's a sure sign of Schrodinger's type 2 gym.
Can they yell at you? Sure. Is it effective for some? Sure. Can they question your commitment? Sure. Can they opt not to spot you when you aren't doing their prescribed workout? Sure (but as a caveat, then they also should not allow you to powerlift, because at least stateside the liability would be on them and you can damage their equipment). Would I stay at a gym if all that nonsense was going on? No.
In cooking the behavior of getting everyone to punitively punish someone would probably qualify the kitchen as a 'pirate ship' meaning sure, pirates can be effective - but they aren't as drilled, efficient, and otherwise as skilled as they would like you to believe.
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:29 AM on June 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
I'm sorry. As far as I am concerned I would quit and never look back. Everyone I know who does crossfit gets injuries and winds up having to lay out of exercise, and I know you can get fit and meet your goals without getting treated like this. This is bullcrap.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:27 AM on June 21, 2013
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:27 AM on June 21, 2013
I wouldn't stay in this gym, not if it made me feel humiliated and beat down and made me dread going to the gym to workout.
You have a tough choice. You can continue to go KNOWING that this guy is a jerk, and he's going to yell at and humiliate you as much as he likes.
Or you can find some other activity you like and do that instead.
Now, you can reframe the relationship if you like. When this yutz gets in your face again, yell back at him, "HEY! I'm a paying customer, and aside from YOU, I like this place, so if you don't want me here, you're going to have to fire me and give me back my membership fee, otherwise, I'm here to stay, Asshole!"
Bullies HATE it when you challenge them. Plus, it's fun.
Now, if the culture is 'if you're late, you do burpees' then smile and do them, that's what you signed up for. If, however, you're injured. Stand up and stop. "Oh shit, there goes my knee. Old lifting injury."
You're not really in the military and this guy isn't the boss of you. Quite the reverse actually.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:30 AM on June 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
You have a tough choice. You can continue to go KNOWING that this guy is a jerk, and he's going to yell at and humiliate you as much as he likes.
Or you can find some other activity you like and do that instead.
Now, you can reframe the relationship if you like. When this yutz gets in your face again, yell back at him, "HEY! I'm a paying customer, and aside from YOU, I like this place, so if you don't want me here, you're going to have to fire me and give me back my membership fee, otherwise, I'm here to stay, Asshole!"
Bullies HATE it when you challenge them. Plus, it's fun.
Now, if the culture is 'if you're late, you do burpees' then smile and do them, that's what you signed up for. If, however, you're injured. Stand up and stop. "Oh shit, there goes my knee. Old lifting injury."
You're not really in the military and this guy isn't the boss of you. Quite the reverse actually.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:30 AM on June 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
I am surprised to read that as a powerlifter, you considered Crossfit to be an option. Crossfit and powerlifting differ in a lot of important ways.
If I were in your situation, I would ask for a refund and then quit. If you encounter difficulty, you might want to go up the chain of command with the local Crossfit organization. I know Crossfit is not a franchising organization (at least in the US), but I would imagine that they still might care about which affiliates are allowed to use the Crossfit name.
I would have said "no" if demanded to do burpees or any other such thing. That ridiculous demand by him tells you all you need to know.
posted by Tanizaki at 6:47 AM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
If I were in your situation, I would ask for a refund and then quit. If you encounter difficulty, you might want to go up the chain of command with the local Crossfit organization. I know Crossfit is not a franchising organization (at least in the US), but I would imagine that they still might care about which affiliates are allowed to use the Crossfit name.
I would have said "no" if demanded to do burpees or any other such thing. That ridiculous demand by him tells you all you need to know.
posted by Tanizaki at 6:47 AM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Why are you defending this guy so much? He's unreasonable and unpredictable. And unprofessional. Are you seeing him as an authority figure that you desire to please? Is that why his scolding stings and yet you won't just leave?
I'm not sure what answer you were hoping for besides don't go if you don't like the way the business is run and how you are treated. You can't make other people act how you want them to act. Otherwise you can keep going but stop looking for the approval of the owner and avoid interacting with him.
As far as I can tell, Crossfit boxes are like mushrooms - more of them will crop up soon. In the meantime you can probably find a gym where you can do most of the workout yourself or with a trainer.
posted by Lyn Never at 7:07 AM on June 21, 2013 [3 favorites]
I'm not sure what answer you were hoping for besides don't go if you don't like the way the business is run and how you are treated. You can't make other people act how you want them to act. Otherwise you can keep going but stop looking for the approval of the owner and avoid interacting with him.
As far as I can tell, Crossfit boxes are like mushrooms - more of them will crop up soon. In the meantime you can probably find a gym where you can do most of the workout yourself or with a trainer.
posted by Lyn Never at 7:07 AM on June 21, 2013 [3 favorites]
I find that with small gyms, I end up really wanting the approval of the instructor/coach. If the instructor has a healthy and productive approach to teaching, this doesn't cause problems. However, I suspect that this dynamic would make it hard for me to see that I needed to leave a particular gym. I wonder if that's happening with you.
It's always ok to say, "I re-injured my knee last week, and I don't feel comfortable doing this move. Can you give me a modification?" It's not an excuse. And the type of trainer who would consider it an excuse is not someone you should be learning from.
posted by Meg_Murry at 7:12 AM on June 21, 2013
It's always ok to say, "I re-injured my knee last week, and I don't feel comfortable doing this move. Can you give me a modification?" It's not an excuse. And the type of trainer who would consider it an excuse is not someone you should be learning from.
posted by Meg_Murry at 7:12 AM on June 21, 2013
I really, really do not get this idea that in order to get fit you have to let someone behave towards you like an abusive partner.
OP, you keep making excuses for this guy, and frankly, sounding like a battered partner doing the same thing. "He didn't mean it! He just wants me to be better! It was really my fault for not telling him!" No. He's a bad person and a dangerously bad coach.
Regardless of your fitness goals, this is a shitty, unhealthy dynamic. Find a better place.
posted by emjaybee at 7:25 AM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
OP, you keep making excuses for this guy, and frankly, sounding like a battered partner doing the same thing. "He didn't mean it! He just wants me to be better! It was really my fault for not telling him!" No. He's a bad person and a dangerously bad coach.
Regardless of your fitness goals, this is a shitty, unhealthy dynamic. Find a better place.
posted by emjaybee at 7:25 AM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
This is a DTMFA kind of situation. What are getting out of this gym that you can't get out of a much cheaper "globo" gym? Well, theoretically, coaching. Except it sounds like the coaching is, to put it frankly, really lousy. Or, at least, really lousy for you, which is what matters. So you're not really getting any benefit from this expensive gym...
posted by paultopia at 7:43 AM on June 21, 2013
posted by paultopia at 7:43 AM on June 21, 2013
You, as a paying customer, have attempted to follow the rules of the way he runs his business in good faith, but he keeps moving the line, at his own whim.
This is a business arrangement, you are not in a relationship. You don't have to stay for this. I would not continue to patronize this business. I would however see if some of my friends were willing to move along with me, to have set workout times and spot one another, at another location. You could collectively hire a trainer, if you wished.
posted by vignettist at 7:43 AM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
This is a business arrangement, you are not in a relationship. You don't have to stay for this. I would not continue to patronize this business. I would however see if some of my friends were willing to move along with me, to have set workout times and spot one another, at another location. You could collectively hire a trainer, if you wished.
posted by vignettist at 7:43 AM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: I feel like I should provide some more detail about why I'm so stuck with this gym.
In previous country I basically just stumbled into a powerlifting gym. The rules were that the coach would write you a cycle and you were basically expected to compete. You trained at your own pace, and the gym culture was that everyone spotted each other and cussed like a sailor. I discovered I really, really love heavy lifting, love training with a goal in mind, and, in particular, love training in a social setting.
While there are powerlifting gyms in the Netherlands, they are very far away from me and in areas where people don't like speaking English. I did have a stint at an Olympic lifting gym, but there was no coach and no one spoke to me. I could go ahead and DIY a program, but I think I'd mentally check out pretty quickly without the social factor, plus I don't feel totally safe lifting without spotters. An added confound is that I have a pretty intense job in advertising. I really just want to be able to show up to the gym three times a week, train really hard doing the kinds of things I like, and leave the thinking and programming up to someone else.
So this CrossFit gym seemed like a real blessing. Definitely not ideal, but better than sitting on my butt. There are two other Crossfit gyms in my city, but they're both too far away for me to be able to feasibly go there regularly. Regular gyms here tend not to have basic equipment, like squat racks and platforms, that i'd need to do heavier lifts. The irony that I chose CrossFit to suit my busy work schedule, and may have to stop because the 7 hour (!!) non-cancellation window doesn't work with my irregular work schedule, doesn't elude me.
What really keeps me lingering around is that I'm a much, much better person when I get to work out regularly, mentally and emotionally. I put on 6 kilos when I moved here, going from 51kg to 57, and I'm already back down to 55. I just really value these kinds of activities in my life. I wish I could find a better option.
posted by nerdfish at 7:43 AM on June 21, 2013
In previous country I basically just stumbled into a powerlifting gym. The rules were that the coach would write you a cycle and you were basically expected to compete. You trained at your own pace, and the gym culture was that everyone spotted each other and cussed like a sailor. I discovered I really, really love heavy lifting, love training with a goal in mind, and, in particular, love training in a social setting.
While there are powerlifting gyms in the Netherlands, they are very far away from me and in areas where people don't like speaking English. I did have a stint at an Olympic lifting gym, but there was no coach and no one spoke to me. I could go ahead and DIY a program, but I think I'd mentally check out pretty quickly without the social factor, plus I don't feel totally safe lifting without spotters. An added confound is that I have a pretty intense job in advertising. I really just want to be able to show up to the gym three times a week, train really hard doing the kinds of things I like, and leave the thinking and programming up to someone else.
So this CrossFit gym seemed like a real blessing. Definitely not ideal, but better than sitting on my butt. There are two other Crossfit gyms in my city, but they're both too far away for me to be able to feasibly go there regularly. Regular gyms here tend not to have basic equipment, like squat racks and platforms, that i'd need to do heavier lifts. The irony that I chose CrossFit to suit my busy work schedule, and may have to stop because the 7 hour (!!) non-cancellation window doesn't work with my irregular work schedule, doesn't elude me.
What really keeps me lingering around is that I'm a much, much better person when I get to work out regularly, mentally and emotionally. I put on 6 kilos when I moved here, going from 51kg to 57, and I'm already back down to 55. I just really value these kinds of activities in my life. I wish I could find a better option.
posted by nerdfish at 7:43 AM on June 21, 2013
Yeah, as a fellow crossfitter, this is SO NOT how it would happen at my box. They're big on safety, consistency, and responsiveness. Every once in awhile there's a "do however many burpees as you are minutes late" rule that is laxly applied, but 100 and jeering sounds Awful.
I love crossfit very much, too, but if I were you I'd quit this box, join a gym with good weights, and then do my own modified crossfit workouts from the many posted all over the web. At least until the next crossfit box opens in your town, which with the trends and that guy's jerkishness should be Soon.
Go you for making such progress!
posted by ldthomps at 7:43 AM on June 21, 2013
I love crossfit very much, too, but if I were you I'd quit this box, join a gym with good weights, and then do my own modified crossfit workouts from the many posted all over the web. At least until the next crossfit box opens in your town, which with the trends and that guy's jerkishness should be Soon.
Go you for making such progress!
posted by ldthomps at 7:43 AM on June 21, 2013
We cross-posted, so seeing your most recent update, would it be possible to talk with the owner about how you thought you'd followed the rules and asking if there's something different you should do? It seems like he's more reasonable one-on-one, so if you could work with him to find a way to make it work for you, that seems like the route that would make you happiest.
posted by ldthomps at 7:47 AM on June 21, 2013
posted by ldthomps at 7:47 AM on June 21, 2013
I have trained in quite strenuous martial arts with an ex-Navy SEAL, in a tight-knit dojo where I was the smallest person and the only woman. I too have had to do pushups for missing a class. I think that can be a good way to encourage serious study, promptness, and unity. But never, ever, ever like that. If I missed a class and walked in (after I'd been there for more than a year and knew everyone), there'd be a round of good-natured, clearly joking teasing, like "oooooh look who's in trouble!" and I would start doing my pushups. If I were tired or started to fail out, my instructor noticed and would either say stop, good job, or let me do them on my knees. One time when everyone knew I'd just had a really big exam and not had much sleep and, therefore, was really struggling with my pushups, my classmates jumped in and started doing pushups with me for solidarity and encouragement. That is how good group fitness works-- you lift each other up when you really need it, even if there's teasing and competition along the way.
If you were in a relationship, we would call this abusive behavior on the part of your partner. Dump this gym and the owner, and let other people know that he is a crazyperson. As far as alternatives, I don't know how it works in the Netherlands but here in the States sometimes local municipal "community centers" will have a small weights/cardio facility in their building. It's usually cheaper and definitely much more pleasant. Could you join one of those? You can keep doing some of your Crossfit moves, and take a friend who'd like to get in shape along for company and so you can switch off on spotting each other.
Exercise is hard enough a habit to maintain as it is. Don't stay involved in anything that's going to make you dread it more.
posted by WidgetAlley at 7:49 AM on June 21, 2013 [3 favorites]
If you were in a relationship, we would call this abusive behavior on the part of your partner. Dump this gym and the owner, and let other people know that he is a crazyperson. As far as alternatives, I don't know how it works in the Netherlands but here in the States sometimes local municipal "community centers" will have a small weights/cardio facility in their building. It's usually cheaper and definitely much more pleasant. Could you join one of those? You can keep doing some of your Crossfit moves, and take a friend who'd like to get in shape along for company and so you can switch off on spotting each other.
Exercise is hard enough a habit to maintain as it is. Don't stay involved in anything that's going to make you dread it more.
posted by WidgetAlley at 7:49 AM on June 21, 2013 [3 favorites]
I'll repeat this, with emphasis: When there is a lack of safe practice, it is time to go elsewhere.
posted by Capri at 7:53 AM on June 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Capri at 7:53 AM on June 21, 2013 [2 favorites]
Also, a trainer's attitude like that in a gym that encourages difficult load-bearing exercise (hello Crossfit!) could very easily end up getting you injured for good. Like, back or knee injury that might take months or years to recover from, or something even worse that could mean you can never do those beloved lifts in quite the same way again.
This is also about your physical safety. Which is more important, that you do these kinds of exercises right now or that you retain the ability to do them for the rest of your life? I think you know the answer.
posted by WidgetAlley at 7:57 AM on June 21, 2013
This is also about your physical safety. Which is more important, that you do these kinds of exercises right now or that you retain the ability to do them for the rest of your life? I think you know the answer.
posted by WidgetAlley at 7:57 AM on June 21, 2013
It sounds like this CrossFit gym WOULD be a blessing, if it was what you thought it was going to be. But it so clearly isn't!
If you like training in a social setting, does it have to be lifting? I think it's time to get creative - if you stumbled on powerlifting in your previous locale, there has got to be something else where you are now that will meet your need for social accountability, goals, etc. Because CrossFit does not sound like it's going to cut it.
posted by selfmedicating at 8:00 AM on June 21, 2013
If you like training in a social setting, does it have to be lifting? I think it's time to get creative - if you stumbled on powerlifting in your previous locale, there has got to be something else where you are now that will meet your need for social accountability, goals, etc. Because CrossFit does not sound like it's going to cut it.
posted by selfmedicating at 8:00 AM on June 21, 2013
On reading your followup, I'd just like to suggest that you're really seriously yourself short if you don't think you could work out your own programming, which would probably be more effective than whatever programming than you're getting in a CrossFit gym, where everyone does the same workout regardless of their goals.
There are lots of effective, pre-made training templates available on the internet, e.g. 5/3/1, that tell you exactly what to do, and once you get into the swing of it you can make whatever personalized tweaks you need. Surely there's some gym local to you with either a rack to squat and bench in or a stranger whom you can ask for a spot, which is totally standard practice.
I understand that you have limited options, and I really sympathize, but I think you're creating a bit of a false dilemma for yourself here.
posted by ludwig_van at 8:02 AM on June 21, 2013
There are lots of effective, pre-made training templates available on the internet, e.g. 5/3/1, that tell you exactly what to do, and once you get into the swing of it you can make whatever personalized tweaks you need. Surely there's some gym local to you with either a rack to squat and bench in or a stranger whom you can ask for a spot, which is totally standard practice.
I understand that you have limited options, and I really sympathize, but I think you're creating a bit of a false dilemma for yourself here.
posted by ludwig_van at 8:02 AM on June 21, 2013
I have been a proud Crossfitter for over a year and a half, and no one has EVER talked to me the way your owner has spoken to you. The culture at my gym is very supportive--we cheer each other on. I have been the last one to finish many a WOD, and no one has ever mocked me or made me feel like crap. Instead they've told me to keep going and congratulated me when I finished.
The coaches do push us, yell at us to keep moving, watch our form, etc, but nothing ever malicious or intended to humiliate.
I love Crossfit but it's not the only way to get a decent workout. For the amount of money I pay each month, I would not tolerate your owner's terrible attitude.
posted by thank you silence at 9:00 AM on June 21, 2013
The coaches do push us, yell at us to keep moving, watch our form, etc, but nothing ever malicious or intended to humiliate.
I love Crossfit but it's not the only way to get a decent workout. For the amount of money I pay each month, I would not tolerate your owner's terrible attitude.
posted by thank you silence at 9:00 AM on June 21, 2013
Your follow-up posts kind of sound like what an abuse victim would say about their partner -- you're making excuses for the owner's inexcusable behavior and trying to find ways to justify staying in an abusive situation, without actually admitting that it's abusive.
You're in an abusive situation at your gym, and it seems like it's screwing with your head. You had lots of great reasons to join the gym and try to stick it out for a bit, but walking away at this point does not make you weak or stupid.
posted by jaguar at 9:57 AM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
You're in an abusive situation at your gym, and it seems like it's screwing with your head. You had lots of great reasons to join the gym and try to stick it out for a bit, but walking away at this point does not make you weak or stupid.
posted by jaguar at 9:57 AM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I've been in your place. I compete in strongwomen and Olympic lifting. When I first started lifting it was a total revelation. I've never loved any physical activity that much. So I know what it feels like when you've found an activity that makes you feel so much better in every aspect of your life, and how difficult it is to find a good atmosphere. It is really, really difficult to feel like you're giving something like that up.
But please think long term. This isn't just about your psychological health. You're already injured one month in. Do you want to risk giving up this type of training for the rest of your life, or having to do it half-assed because of injury? I'm sure you've heard a lot of bravado about how injuries are just a part of training hard and pushing yourself. Minor muscle strains and DOMS are. Meniscus tears and knee surgery are not. If you're not looking to be a national, international-level competitor then putting your long-term mobility at risk is not worth it. I wonder if at your powerlifter gym you met some of the older, hardcore powerlifters. The guys who've been at it for decades and didn't train smart when they were younger, and now they're basically in pain all the time and all locked up.
That's the very real side effect of long-term strength training done wrong. It can be worth it if you have medals and trophies to look back on. But when you're someone just trying to lose a couple kilos and feel better about themselves it's absolutely ridiculous to think you need to assume that kind of risk to train well. That's why when you're doing complex, high-rep weighted movements like you do in Crossfit it's vitally important to have a competent coach. And your coach does not sound competent.
posted by Anonymous at 10:31 AM on June 21, 2013
But please think long term. This isn't just about your psychological health. You're already injured one month in. Do you want to risk giving up this type of training for the rest of your life, or having to do it half-assed because of injury? I'm sure you've heard a lot of bravado about how injuries are just a part of training hard and pushing yourself. Minor muscle strains and DOMS are. Meniscus tears and knee surgery are not. If you're not looking to be a national, international-level competitor then putting your long-term mobility at risk is not worth it. I wonder if at your powerlifter gym you met some of the older, hardcore powerlifters. The guys who've been at it for decades and didn't train smart when they were younger, and now they're basically in pain all the time and all locked up.
That's the very real side effect of long-term strength training done wrong. It can be worth it if you have medals and trophies to look back on. But when you're someone just trying to lose a couple kilos and feel better about themselves it's absolutely ridiculous to think you need to assume that kind of risk to train well. That's why when you're doing complex, high-rep weighted movements like you do in Crossfit it's vitally important to have a competent coach. And your coach does not sound competent.
posted by Anonymous at 10:31 AM on June 21, 2013
Type 2 is trying to be like the first type
I signed up for a gym in Australia, where the owner cheated on the WOD so he would always pot the fastest time. He'd do two chin-ups, look around, see if anyone was looking and move on to the next exercise.
When he was finished he'd loudly call out his time and write it up at the top of the board
posted by compound eye at 3:10 PM on June 21, 2013
I signed up for a gym in Australia, where the owner cheated on the WOD so he would always pot the fastest time. He'd do two chin-ups, look around, see if anyone was looking and move on to the next exercise.
When he was finished he'd loudly call out his time and write it up at the top of the board
posted by compound eye at 3:10 PM on June 21, 2013
..post the fastest time..
posted by compound eye at 3:25 PM on June 21, 2013
posted by compound eye at 3:25 PM on June 21, 2013
What about finding a personal trainer that has lifting equipment instead?
posted by dottiechang at 7:27 PM on June 21, 2013
posted by dottiechang at 7:27 PM on June 21, 2013
I have a friend who had a STROKE under these kinds of conditions. He was young and healthy. He had to do rehab for a year.
posted by 3491again at 7:37 PM on June 21, 2013
posted by 3491again at 7:37 PM on June 21, 2013
I would quit, because I would accept the incidents that occurred as evidence that the things that I need from a gym are not the things that I'm going to get from this gym.
posted by sm1tten at 9:03 AM on June 22, 2013
posted by sm1tten at 9:03 AM on June 22, 2013
I understand the owner is being pissed off, but shit happens to adults.
The humiliation/disciplining routine in front of the class in totally inappropriate in my opinion.
I wouldn't want to give my money to a person who thinks this is a reasonable way to treat adults who are supporting his business.
Also, you're injured and you're forced to do burpees?
Time to tell this guy to f*** off and leave this gym.
posted by sockpuppetdirect at 3:26 PM on June 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
The humiliation/disciplining routine in front of the class in totally inappropriate in my opinion.
I wouldn't want to give my money to a person who thinks this is a reasonable way to treat adults who are supporting his business.
Also, you're injured and you're forced to do burpees?
Time to tell this guy to f*** off and leave this gym.
posted by sockpuppetdirect at 3:26 PM on June 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
Head over to the forums on startingstrength.com and repost this, and ask for a pointer to a good gym in your area.
posted by disconnect at 8:17 PM on June 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by disconnect at 8:17 PM on June 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
Some people are just assholes. You're looking for a rational explanation for this guy's behavior, but he's inconsistent and prefers to yell at people.
I asked the owner if trainers were available during that time He made a commitment to a new member and didn't keep it. That's BS.
He practically lunged at me when I arrived, poking a finger in my chest, telling me that he had a business to run and had no time for my fucking around. I was baffled - I'd done what he said! - and he screamed that he would never allow us to unsubscribe from a class less than 7 hours ahead of time. He then insisted I do 100 burpees in front of the class. He's a jerk. But, he's a jerk who has the only service you want in your area.
You're going to meet a lot more assholes in life. Learn to be calm and respond to them as if they were being normal people. When he gives your hell about the trainer, you can say You told me a trainer would be available, so that was my expectation. Since that's not accurate, explain to me what level of training is available on Saturday.
When he yells at you about scheduling, say You stated that members should text you, so I did. I can't do 100 burpees due to a torn meniscus. And explain to me how the scheduling works.
This may be the 1st business he's run, and he may be in over his head, and have no idea how to deal with scheduling, dealing with trainers, etc. He certainly doesn't know how to behave with customers. Use him as practice for dealing with an asshole and staying calm and reasonable. He needs your business. You need his gym. If you get a chance to talk to him when he's not riled up, try to be friendly, ask him how the gym is doing, etc.
posted by theora55 at 4:44 PM on June 25, 2013
I asked the owner if trainers were available during that time He made a commitment to a new member and didn't keep it. That's BS.
He practically lunged at me when I arrived, poking a finger in my chest, telling me that he had a business to run and had no time for my fucking around. I was baffled - I'd done what he said! - and he screamed that he would never allow us to unsubscribe from a class less than 7 hours ahead of time. He then insisted I do 100 burpees in front of the class. He's a jerk. But, he's a jerk who has the only service you want in your area.
You're going to meet a lot more assholes in life. Learn to be calm and respond to them as if they were being normal people. When he gives your hell about the trainer, you can say You told me a trainer would be available, so that was my expectation. Since that's not accurate, explain to me what level of training is available on Saturday.
When he yells at you about scheduling, say You stated that members should text you, so I did. I can't do 100 burpees due to a torn meniscus. And explain to me how the scheduling works.
This may be the 1st business he's run, and he may be in over his head, and have no idea how to deal with scheduling, dealing with trainers, etc. He certainly doesn't know how to behave with customers. Use him as practice for dealing with an asshole and staying calm and reasonable. He needs your business. You need his gym. If you get a chance to talk to him when he's not riled up, try to be friendly, ask him how the gym is doing, etc.
posted by theora55 at 4:44 PM on June 25, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by nerdfish at 11:35 PM on June 20, 2013