What should we give our wedding officiant?
April 15, 2013 6:14 AM Subscribe
Help us urgently decide what to give our officiant as a thank-you.
I'm getting legally married today! Whooo! We're going to be having a big reception later with our entire families, but we need to get legally married today for practical reasons. We're doing it very simply with just us, the officiant and a couple of witnesses. The officiant is from Town Hall and has agreed to meet us anywhere in town to perform the ceremony. We're doing it outdoors near a beautiful waterfall.
So my question is, what should we give the officiant? Apparently the officiant volunteered on the phone to my fiance that while there is no fee involved for officiating the ceremony, she accepts "gifts up to a $100". My fiance is not sure whether she actually said "gifts up to a $100" or "gifts worth up to a $100". So my feeling is that we should just give her a $100 in an envelope while my fiance feels that a bottle of wine would be more appropriate. I think that the value of a bottle of wine is likely to be quite a bit less than $100 (or would seem like it was) and what if she doesn't drink? What should we do? A gift card for coffee?
This is in the Northeast US in a small college town.
I'm getting legally married today! Whooo! We're going to be having a big reception later with our entire families, but we need to get legally married today for practical reasons. We're doing it very simply with just us, the officiant and a couple of witnesses. The officiant is from Town Hall and has agreed to meet us anywhere in town to perform the ceremony. We're doing it outdoors near a beautiful waterfall.
So my question is, what should we give the officiant? Apparently the officiant volunteered on the phone to my fiance that while there is no fee involved for officiating the ceremony, she accepts "gifts up to a $100". My fiance is not sure whether she actually said "gifts up to a $100" or "gifts worth up to a $100". So my feeling is that we should just give her a $100 in an envelope while my fiance feels that a bottle of wine would be more appropriate. I think that the value of a bottle of wine is likely to be quite a bit less than $100 (or would seem like it was) and what if she doesn't drink? What should we do? A gift card for coffee?
This is in the Northeast US in a small college town.
What? No give her $100 in an envelope and a bottle of champagne. If she can't accept the cash she'll hand it back.
posted by DarlingBri at 6:16 AM on April 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by DarlingBri at 6:16 AM on April 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
Yeah, cash, or, a Visa gift card for $100.
We paid our Rabbi and Rev. Gail in cash.
Everyone likes cash, and how easy for you!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:21 AM on April 15, 2013
We paid our Rabbi and Rev. Gail in cash.
Everyone likes cash, and how easy for you!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:21 AM on April 15, 2013
If by Town Hall you mean she's an official who does weddings, you may want to confirm again what she said or speak with her office-- I know that in some jurisdictions, judges can't accept any recompense at all for officiating a wedding, for example, so there may be similar rules in play here. If cash is okay, I would go with that rather than a specific gift card. (It would take me a very long time to go through $100 in coffee.)
posted by jetlagaddict at 6:27 AM on April 15, 2013
posted by jetlagaddict at 6:27 AM on April 15, 2013
Cash money for sure.
posted by something something at 6:29 AM on April 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by something something at 6:29 AM on April 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
Best answer: In my experience (ok, not that I've ever gotten married), cash or some kind of highly-flexible gift card is expected when people say they "accept" gifts.
Honestly, a bottle of wine isn't good because you don't know what the officiant likes (or even if she drinks), and since a bottle of wine serves as the "generic" adult gift, she likely has an entire cabinet full of wine bottles she received as gifts that are not going to get consumed anytime soon.
posted by deanc at 6:32 AM on April 15, 2013
Honestly, a bottle of wine isn't good because you don't know what the officiant likes (or even if she drinks), and since a bottle of wine serves as the "generic" adult gift, she likely has an entire cabinet full of wine bottles she received as gifts that are not going to get consumed anytime soon.
posted by deanc at 6:32 AM on April 15, 2013
Response by poster: We're going to go with cash. I hadn't realized that the officiant had actually left a voicemail about this (I thought she had only talked to my fiance about it) and listening to the voicemail, it seems pretty clear that she's trying to tactfully indicate that she would like some cash. She says "gifts up to a $100, as much as you would prefer." So cash in an envelope it is!
posted by peacheater at 6:38 AM on April 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by peacheater at 6:38 AM on April 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
Oh, Mazel-Tov!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:43 AM on April 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:43 AM on April 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
xingcat: "I've only dealt with weddings with priests, but they get paid in cash, and I can't imagine officiants would be any different."
Yes - a stipend of around $100 is customary. I asked a deacon about this and he told me that they pooled these funds (they're also given for baptisms) for buying books.
posted by jquinby at 6:45 AM on April 15, 2013
Yes - a stipend of around $100 is customary. I asked a deacon about this and he told me that they pooled these funds (they're also given for baptisms) for buying books.
posted by jquinby at 6:45 AM on April 15, 2013
My father's a pastor. You can go both.
Bottle of wine. Envelope with cash.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:20 AM on April 15, 2013
Bottle of wine. Envelope with cash.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:20 AM on April 15, 2013
My father's a minister as well. Cash is always the best gift, and $100 is generally customary.
posted by carolinecrane at 10:38 AM on April 15, 2013
posted by carolinecrane at 10:38 AM on April 15, 2013
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posted by xingcat at 6:15 AM on April 15, 2013 [2 favorites]