Freeeeeee Fallin'
February 23, 2013 9:11 PM Subscribe
How do I fall off the face of the planet for a few days?
I've had friends/crushes who would all but disappear for a few days at a time, and seemed to think nothing of it. I tend to be prompt with my replies, and also stress myself out when someone isn't getting back to me. (Not just a crush -- I had a female acquaintance who just seemingly disappeared one day after hanging out a couple times, and I still wonder wtf -- did she think I was creepy or flirting with her or did she randomly move away or what.) I'm also feeling a bit strung out right now. I think it would be good for me to take a few days and maybe have an "unplugged" week or something, but I worry this would stress me out more. I'm one of those people who checks to make sure she didn't lose her phone like every 10 minutes. So how do I do this without ending up feeling stressed the whole time?
I've had friends/crushes who would all but disappear for a few days at a time, and seemed to think nothing of it. I tend to be prompt with my replies, and also stress myself out when someone isn't getting back to me. (Not just a crush -- I had a female acquaintance who just seemingly disappeared one day after hanging out a couple times, and I still wonder wtf -- did she think I was creepy or flirting with her or did she randomly move away or what.) I'm also feeling a bit strung out right now. I think it would be good for me to take a few days and maybe have an "unplugged" week or something, but I worry this would stress me out more. I'm one of those people who checks to make sure she didn't lose her phone like every 10 minutes. So how do I do this without ending up feeling stressed the whole time?
A lot of retreat centers (Buddhist, Christian, Hindu, and non-sectarian) have affordable food and lodging and explicit no-media policies.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:21 PM on February 23, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:21 PM on February 23, 2013 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I guess you're asking less about the mechanics of unplugging and more about how to feel psychologically comfortable with it? My advice would be to let everyone know what you're doing ahead of time. Maybe a mass text saying "I'm taking a vacation from the cell phone and internet this weekend, so if there's anything important lets talk about it now" or something like that.
posted by MrOlenCanter at 9:44 PM on February 23, 2013
posted by MrOlenCanter at 9:44 PM on February 23, 2013
Yes, a mass email is a good way to warn people preemptively. That should help ease your stress while you're gone. danah boyd has a nice primer on taking an email sabbatical that could be extended to phone, twitter, facebook etc.
posted by k8lin at 9:47 PM on February 23, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by k8lin at 9:47 PM on February 23, 2013 [2 favorites]
Google "Bill Gates retreat" and you'll find a lot of interesting articles on this topic.
posted by Dansaman at 10:01 PM on February 23, 2013
posted by Dansaman at 10:01 PM on February 23, 2013
Best answer: Maybe ramp up to it? Like try a few hours at first, then a full day, then a long weekend?
posted by radioamy at 10:10 PM on February 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by radioamy at 10:10 PM on February 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
Not responding in a timely manner to casual texts is only worrisome when it's out of character for that person to respond slowly. I wouldn't attach any personal blame to yourself for other people's texting habits unless you have some other reason to think this girl disliked you.
(I'm totally that person who will take a quick glance at her phone and then go write back to whatever I was in the middle of unless the text is work-related or requires an answer to a question. I'll get to it when I get to it and if it doesn't seem to require a response, or where I can't think of anything interesting to say in response, I'll just leave it and start a fresh conversation in the future when I have something to say.)
If it would be out of character for you to behave like this, then I agree that warning people in advance will alleviate stress on both sides.
"Just to let you know, I'm going away this weekend and won't have any internet or cell reception. If you need to reach me in an emergency, Bob has the number for the campsite's office."
posted by the latin mouse at 12:36 AM on February 24, 2013
(I'm totally that person who will take a quick glance at her phone and then go write back to whatever I was in the middle of unless the text is work-related or requires an answer to a question. I'll get to it when I get to it and if it doesn't seem to require a response, or where I can't think of anything interesting to say in response, I'll just leave it and start a fresh conversation in the future when I have something to say.)
If it would be out of character for you to behave like this, then I agree that warning people in advance will alleviate stress on both sides.
"Just to let you know, I'm going away this weekend and won't have any internet or cell reception. If you need to reach me in an emergency, Bob has the number for the campsite's office."
posted by the latin mouse at 12:36 AM on February 24, 2013
Be a little bit careful about announcing you'll be going on vacation too widely if you don't want your house getting robbed. A mass email to the relevant people rather than a Facebook or twitter post.
posted by empath at 4:22 AM on February 24, 2013
posted by empath at 4:22 AM on February 24, 2013
Response by poster: I don't have the luxury of taking an actual vacation, but this was good for figuring out how to feel comfortable with it. I'm going to start by leaving my phone and laptop at home and see how that goes.
posted by Chaussette Fantoche at 9:11 AM on February 24, 2013
posted by Chaussette Fantoche at 9:11 AM on February 24, 2013
Yes, a mass email is a good way to warn people preemptively.
To your closets circle only, maybe. Not to everyone in your address book! The best way to deal with this is to set a vacation responder in your gmail, change your voicemail, and update your Facebook. Anyone who is genuinely worried about you will either email you, ring you or start scanning your FB for your last update and will know what's up.
posted by DarlingBri at 9:44 AM on February 24, 2013
To your closets circle only, maybe. Not to everyone in your address book! The best way to deal with this is to set a vacation responder in your gmail, change your voicemail, and update your Facebook. Anyone who is genuinely worried about you will either email you, ring you or start scanning your FB for your last update and will know what's up.
posted by DarlingBri at 9:44 AM on February 24, 2013
My former roommate has a friend who did this a few years ago -- he created a separate bank account to save money privately, then just didn't show up for work one day.
When he didn't respond to texts or phone calls and there was no credit card or primary bank account activity, people (understandably) freaked out. The local news got involved, there were Facebook pages and websites set up, and he was registered as a missing person. His mother was interviewed in tears on the news.
Turns out he decided to just go off the grid and explore America for a few weeks, sleeping in his car at night. He zig-zagged up and down from New Jersey to New Orleans to Chicago to Mount Rushmore, only turning on his phone to check GPS (getting a huge backlog of text messages/missed calls every time) and then turning it back off.
He got pulled over in Idaho and when the officer ran his license, he said, "do you realize you're a missing person?"
He wound up in San Francisco and crashed with us for a few days before turning around and driving straight home, in a huge amount of trouble with his job (which he obviously lost) and with his friends and family back home.
So I said this to him when he arrived, and say this whenever I talk about going off the grid: "there are really only two people I'd tell if I'm going off the grid: HR and my mom."
posted by littlemisslaika at 1:45 PM on February 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
When he didn't respond to texts or phone calls and there was no credit card or primary bank account activity, people (understandably) freaked out. The local news got involved, there were Facebook pages and websites set up, and he was registered as a missing person. His mother was interviewed in tears on the news.
Turns out he decided to just go off the grid and explore America for a few weeks, sleeping in his car at night. He zig-zagged up and down from New Jersey to New Orleans to Chicago to Mount Rushmore, only turning on his phone to check GPS (getting a huge backlog of text messages/missed calls every time) and then turning it back off.
He got pulled over in Idaho and when the officer ran his license, he said, "do you realize you're a missing person?"
He wound up in San Francisco and crashed with us for a few days before turning around and driving straight home, in a huge amount of trouble with his job (which he obviously lost) and with his friends and family back home.
So I said this to him when he arrived, and say this whenever I talk about going off the grid: "there are really only two people I'd tell if I'm going off the grid: HR and my mom."
posted by littlemisslaika at 1:45 PM on February 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
I just returned from a 3 day backpacking trip. Might be a little more extreme than you are looking for but it sure does disconnect you from your phone - also modern plumbing, heating, shelter, etc. You get so busy surviving and climbing mountains and findig water you definitely don't have time to worry about your phone.
posted by Cygnet at 5:43 AM on February 25, 2013
posted by Cygnet at 5:43 AM on February 25, 2013
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Alternatively, turn your internet off at home for a weekend and give your cellphone to a friend for that time, too.
posted by lunasol at 9:15 PM on February 23, 2013 [2 favorites]