When is it Time?
February 2, 2013 3:05 PM Subscribe
Our Golden has been the subject of several past MeFi questions and now we're facing down the final question of when he is ready to go. I need help asking the right questions about whether it is really time.
By all accounts he's at least 12-13 years old - he was picked up as a stray and had no tags so all ages are a guestimate. He's now regularly pooping in the house, despite being let out multiple times a day. He's got arthritis which makes it hard to get up. His back muscles are degenerating and his hearing is going. He still enjoys a good roll in the backyard and sniffing but can't do more than a block on the walk.
It's weird to say, but he doesn't seem to smile anymore. I was looking at two pictures of him the other day, one taken about two years ago and one taken a year ago and the difference is fairly striking. He looked really happy in the first one and not so much in the second.
Our lives are getting more hectic, not less. We have an active almost 3 year old and a 2.5 month old who will be crawling soon. We're also looking to move soon to a house with no fence.
Doggie parents of MeFi - When did you know it was time to let go? Can we really factor in the issues with pooping in the house and the kid starting to crawl soon in our decision? Should we focus solely on his quality of life and not take into account ours?
By all accounts he's at least 12-13 years old - he was picked up as a stray and had no tags so all ages are a guestimate. He's now regularly pooping in the house, despite being let out multiple times a day. He's got arthritis which makes it hard to get up. His back muscles are degenerating and his hearing is going. He still enjoys a good roll in the backyard and sniffing but can't do more than a block on the walk.
It's weird to say, but he doesn't seem to smile anymore. I was looking at two pictures of him the other day, one taken about two years ago and one taken a year ago and the difference is fairly striking. He looked really happy in the first one and not so much in the second.
Our lives are getting more hectic, not less. We have an active almost 3 year old and a 2.5 month old who will be crawling soon. We're also looking to move soon to a house with no fence.
Doggie parents of MeFi - When did you know it was time to let go? Can we really factor in the issues with pooping in the house and the kid starting to crawl soon in our decision? Should we focus solely on his quality of life and not take into account ours?
I'm genuinely confused; are you talking about putting him down now? (Clarification, not judgement.) He sounds elderly, not acutely sick. Obviously if there was something actively wrong with him, and you had to make decisions about treatment, that would be one thing. And he is very old for a large dog, and deciding his quality of life isn't worth it for a huge intervention is a call that lots of dog owners make. Or if he's suffering; only you and a vet can make that call. But if he's just not as happy as he was when he was younger... I dunno.
Can you sequester him away from the areas where the baby will be crawling?
posted by supercres at 3:18 PM on February 2, 2013
Can you sequester him away from the areas where the baby will be crawling?
posted by supercres at 3:18 PM on February 2, 2013
"Should we focus solely on his quality of life and not take into account ours?"... this is the tough question, you'll get various opinions on this depending on where people are at philosophically. You, however, are the ones that need to be comfortable with your decision.
My opinion is (and, this is just MY opinion), the decision is based on his quality of life.
posted by HuronBob at 3:29 PM on February 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
My opinion is (and, this is just MY opinion), the decision is based on his quality of life.
posted by HuronBob at 3:29 PM on February 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I think that if you feel like your dog isn't enjoying his life, it's time for him to go. Check out this Quality of Life Scale.
Our lives are getting more hectic, not less. We have an active almost 3 year old and a 2.5 month old who will be crawling soon. We're also looking to move soon to a house with no fence.
This is not a good reason to put your dog down. I don't want to guilt trip you, but if your dog is inconveniently old, well, tough shit. An animal is a commitment. Regarding the lack of a fence, there are cheap, easy ways to build enclosed dog runs, and if your dog is old and doesn't need a ton of exercise, he can just chill in the house. And I'm not sure why an old dog and babies are incompatible - what are your concerns, exactly?
As someone with an eight-year-old dog with cancer who only has a few months left, I say enjoy the time you have with your old dog. Talk to your vet about your concerns. A dog that dies of old age at home is very, very lucky.
posted by ablazingsaddle at 3:45 PM on February 2, 2013 [3 favorites]
Our lives are getting more hectic, not less. We have an active almost 3 year old and a 2.5 month old who will be crawling soon. We're also looking to move soon to a house with no fence.
This is not a good reason to put your dog down. I don't want to guilt trip you, but if your dog is inconveniently old, well, tough shit. An animal is a commitment. Regarding the lack of a fence, there are cheap, easy ways to build enclosed dog runs, and if your dog is old and doesn't need a ton of exercise, he can just chill in the house. And I'm not sure why an old dog and babies are incompatible - what are your concerns, exactly?
As someone with an eight-year-old dog with cancer who only has a few months left, I say enjoy the time you have with your old dog. Talk to your vet about your concerns. A dog that dies of old age at home is very, very lucky.
posted by ablazingsaddle at 3:45 PM on February 2, 2013 [3 favorites]
The photo thing sounds like a red herring. You don't want to be comparing his facial expressions at a moment in time that was caught in a photo and judging whether his quality of life is good based on that.
It sounds like the main issue for him in terms of quality of life and suffering is arthritis. I've had a large older dog who suffered from arthritis and so I have been there.
Are we talking arthritis like he's taking maximal pain medications every day and he still spends a portion of every day crying in pain, and every couple of days does something particularly painful (like slip while getting up), and not infrequently needs someone to actually help pick him up and cries until someone can help him get up? If that's what we're talking about then I think you'd have a strong argument that he is suffering a lot and that putting him down may be the right thing to do. This is my opinion which others may not share, but I do not think dogs should have to suffer like that for hours every day, even if they still get excited to go out for a walk or a roll in the backyard, or if you give them a treat. They don't understand why they are suffering and in pain, and to me it is cruel.
Based on my experience we let the dog go on for too long because we hated the idea of putting him to sleep, and by the time we realized and were thinking about it, we had taken things too far. It is hard to find the right time for a thing like this. You may have regrets either way. You just do the best you can.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 3:47 PM on February 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
It sounds like the main issue for him in terms of quality of life and suffering is arthritis. I've had a large older dog who suffered from arthritis and so I have been there.
Are we talking arthritis like he's taking maximal pain medications every day and he still spends a portion of every day crying in pain, and every couple of days does something particularly painful (like slip while getting up), and not infrequently needs someone to actually help pick him up and cries until someone can help him get up? If that's what we're talking about then I think you'd have a strong argument that he is suffering a lot and that putting him down may be the right thing to do. This is my opinion which others may not share, but I do not think dogs should have to suffer like that for hours every day, even if they still get excited to go out for a walk or a roll in the backyard, or if you give them a treat. They don't understand why they are suffering and in pain, and to me it is cruel.
Based on my experience we let the dog go on for too long because we hated the idea of putting him to sleep, and by the time we realized and were thinking about it, we had taken things too far. It is hard to find the right time for a thing like this. You may have regrets either way. You just do the best you can.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 3:47 PM on February 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I would factor in his quality of life and not your own. He doesn't sound as if he's suffering--any dog who enjoys a good roll in the yard is still enjoying life, I would think. Could you crate him or put him in a smallish area with a gate up? You could just sort of treat it as if you have two babies, at least for a while, if you were leaning toward wanting to factor in your own convenience. It would be a stop-gap measure for you, anyway, while you kept tabs on the quality of his life. Also, could I suggest trying some glucosamine for his joints? It might be helpful to him. (I won't give my own anecdata, as everyone's experience varies.) Also, what about changing his food? It could be that he's not breaking down his food in the same manner, and the need to go just hits him fast and furious, and there's nothing he can do but go wherever he is? It might be something to talk about with your vet, anyway.
Good luck to you in whatever you decide.
posted by wolfgirl at 3:48 PM on February 2, 2013
Good luck to you in whatever you decide.
posted by wolfgirl at 3:48 PM on February 2, 2013
It could be that he's not breaking down his food in the same manner, and the need to go just hits him fast and furious, and there's nothing he can do but go wherever he is?
In addition to changing his food, you might want to try probiotic powder. It's really helped with my dog's considerable digestive problems.
posted by ablazingsaddle at 3:56 PM on February 2, 2013
In addition to changing his food, you might want to try probiotic powder. It's really helped with my dog's considerable digestive problems.
posted by ablazingsaddle at 3:56 PM on February 2, 2013
Almost always, the day our animal refuses food is the right day. That's an enormously clear signal.
Right now, your dog sounds old and much harder to manage, not a candidate yet for the needle. Talk to your vet about the incontinence issues and managing the arthritis.
posted by bearwife at 4:03 PM on February 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
Right now, your dog sounds old and much harder to manage, not a candidate yet for the needle. Talk to your vet about the incontinence issues and managing the arthritis.
posted by bearwife at 4:03 PM on February 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I posted this nearly 2 years ago about our dog. It was INCREDIBLY helpful in helping me think this through.
I didn't realize how much time I was spending on the dog and that was taking away from my time with my kid. (And tons of money.)
And, days that we were judging a 6/10 on the quality of life scale were probably more like a 4.
And, someone in that thread said that don't don't see a future - they just see today. And they know that today is not good. And you, as a person, know that tomorrow isn't going to be good either.
If I could go back, I would have euthanized our dog months before we did because he was not enjoying life. We we keeping him alive for us.
Good luck.
posted by k8t at 4:10 PM on February 2, 2013 [3 favorites]
I didn't realize how much time I was spending on the dog and that was taking away from my time with my kid. (And tons of money.)
And, days that we were judging a 6/10 on the quality of life scale were probably more like a 4.
And, someone in that thread said that don't don't see a future - they just see today. And they know that today is not good. And you, as a person, know that tomorrow isn't going to be good either.
If I could go back, I would have euthanized our dog months before we did because he was not enjoying life. We we keeping him alive for us.
Good luck.
posted by k8t at 4:10 PM on February 2, 2013 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Have you had a detailed talk with your vet and any other professionals who deal with your dog? I probably kept my dog around a bit too long, and part of that was that the vet had me mentally classified as the type of owner who wants to go on as long as possible. I think the professionals disagree about these things but they will support a range of philosophies. I agree that the level of pain + loss of mobility is important, and really you need people who have seen your dog in order to assess that.
I was working mostly from home during the last two years of my dog's life, and I didn't travel that whole time because she couldn't be left in a kennel. If circumstances had been different-- and if I hadn't had large amounts of money available to pay the vet bills-- I would simply have become unable to care for her and would have had to euthanize her that much earlier, and I would have felt extremely sad but in the end, I wouldn't have felt too guilty about it. I kept her around because she was pretty clearly enjoying life more so than not, and because luckily, I could do it. But I think I did lose perspective at the end and I wish the vets had been a little quicker to tell me that.
posted by BibiRose at 4:10 PM on February 2, 2013
I was working mostly from home during the last two years of my dog's life, and I didn't travel that whole time because she couldn't be left in a kennel. If circumstances had been different-- and if I hadn't had large amounts of money available to pay the vet bills-- I would simply have become unable to care for her and would have had to euthanize her that much earlier, and I would have felt extremely sad but in the end, I wouldn't have felt too guilty about it. I kept her around because she was pretty clearly enjoying life more so than not, and because luckily, I could do it. But I think I did lose perspective at the end and I wish the vets had been a little quicker to tell me that.
posted by BibiRose at 4:10 PM on February 2, 2013
Your dog was your companion before you had children, and he deserves more than to be discarded because of inconvenience. I also don't think he needs a back yard right now (tie-out perhaps?) or that his facial expression is a good indication of his happiness.
However, you also have to be realistic about your time and energy and what he needs. Unfortunately, his quality of life depends at least in part on your quality of life. If despite your best efforts, you're so stressed out and busy that you don't have time for him, or you're constantly frustrated with him or otherwise adding to his stress instead of making him happy or comfortable when he needs it most, that is a problem. Not everyone has the luxury of infinite time and resources to care for an ill animal. Nor, as BibiRose points out, is it always best for the animal.
My experience has been that most people wait too long rather than the other way around. To me, degenerating back muscles and incontinence are not good signs and it sounds like the time may be soon if not now. Given the strength, I would rather my dog leave life while she's still enjoying it a little than wait until it's torture. I have done the latter and I regret it.
But I would think seriously about the guilt you may have later from putting your mere convenience (only you know whether it is truly that) above his needs. Not just in terms of putting him down, but in giving him the time and affection he deserves now.
posted by walla at 4:30 PM on February 2, 2013
However, you also have to be realistic about your time and energy and what he needs. Unfortunately, his quality of life depends at least in part on your quality of life. If despite your best efforts, you're so stressed out and busy that you don't have time for him, or you're constantly frustrated with him or otherwise adding to his stress instead of making him happy or comfortable when he needs it most, that is a problem. Not everyone has the luxury of infinite time and resources to care for an ill animal. Nor, as BibiRose points out, is it always best for the animal.
My experience has been that most people wait too long rather than the other way around. To me, degenerating back muscles and incontinence are not good signs and it sounds like the time may be soon if not now. Given the strength, I would rather my dog leave life while she's still enjoying it a little than wait until it's torture. I have done the latter and I regret it.
But I would think seriously about the guilt you may have later from putting your mere convenience (only you know whether it is truly that) above his needs. Not just in terms of putting him down, but in giving him the time and affection he deserves now.
posted by walla at 4:30 PM on February 2, 2013
Response by poster: To answer some questions, he doesn't have any diseases-just old age and the degeneration that comes with it.
The concern with the baby is her crawling in poop before we can clean it up.
We are not currently planning on having him put down. I'm just trying to get a feel for what we should consider in terms of when is the time.
posted by Leezie at 4:38 PM on February 2, 2013
The concern with the baby is her crawling in poop before we can clean it up.
We are not currently planning on having him put down. I'm just trying to get a feel for what we should consider in terms of when is the time.
posted by Leezie at 4:38 PM on February 2, 2013
Best answer: Wow. I guess I'm an outlier here, but, yes, I think that you can consider euthanasia at this point, and it doesn't make you a bad person. Fecal incontinence? Can only manage one block? I have have had my lovely, adored dog for 12 years. When she is exhibiting those signs of aging (I know they are coming for her too) I will certainly be having a conversation with my vet, and if those problems can't be resolved, we will say our sad goodbye. The point of pet ownership isn't necessarily longevity at the expense of happiness, the dog's or the people's.
posted by purpleclover at 5:32 PM on February 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by purpleclover at 5:32 PM on February 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
Best answer: With labs, you usually don't need to worry about knowing "when" because their rear chassis starts to break down. They'll lose the ability to run without tripping, they'll limp a bit despite no obvious injuries, they'll fall down the stairs, something like that. You describe pretty much exactly that, which probably makes it only a matter of weeks or months before he stops getting up at all or falls down the stairs.
I have to agree with others here not to factor in the toddler (if you can't manage a dog, god help you as parents of a human), so no, you shouldn't in a perfect world, consider your convenience. That said, it sounds like his quality of life has deteriorated greatly. If he has a regular vet appointment coming up soon, you might want to have this discussion with the vet - They don't like to put down animals for no good reason, so you can trust them to give you an honest opinion of whether or not your fuzzy little buddy likely has one (or more!) good years left. If so - Deal with it, he gave you his best years, you can put up with his less than perfect ones; If not... Don't feel bad about sending him over the rainbow bridge.
posted by pla at 5:46 PM on February 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
I have to agree with others here not to factor in the toddler (if you can't manage a dog, god help you as parents of a human), so no, you shouldn't in a perfect world, consider your convenience. That said, it sounds like his quality of life has deteriorated greatly. If he has a regular vet appointment coming up soon, you might want to have this discussion with the vet - They don't like to put down animals for no good reason, so you can trust them to give you an honest opinion of whether or not your fuzzy little buddy likely has one (or more!) good years left. If so - Deal with it, he gave you his best years, you can put up with his less than perfect ones; If not... Don't feel bad about sending him over the rainbow bridge.
posted by pla at 5:46 PM on February 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I've seen this posted here on ask before, and I'll probably ask myself this when the time comes for pets: What are the three things your dog enjoys the most in the world? Can he still enjoy them? Will he be able to enjoy them again?
When the answers turn to no, the time is near. I'm so sorry -- this part of pet ownership sucks so much.
posted by cgg at 5:53 PM on February 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
When the answers turn to no, the time is near. I'm so sorry -- this part of pet ownership sucks so much.
posted by cgg at 5:53 PM on February 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
The concern with the baby is her crawling in poop before we can clean it up.
I ate catpoop - out of the litterbox - when I was a toddler. But I digress . . .
Since your dog is super old, I assume he can't jump a baby gate. Is your house laid out in such a way that you can keep the toddler and dog apart when you're not able to supervise? And I would definitely try to work with his digestive system if you haven't already. Old dogs have issues.
posted by ablazingsaddle at 6:18 PM on February 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
I ate catpoop - out of the litterbox - when I was a toddler. But I digress . . .
Since your dog is super old, I assume he can't jump a baby gate. Is your house laid out in such a way that you can keep the toddler and dog apart when you're not able to supervise? And I would definitely try to work with his digestive system if you haven't already. Old dogs have issues.
posted by ablazingsaddle at 6:18 PM on February 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
I treat animals as I treat people. I wouldn't euthanize my mother or grandmother because of incontinence, arthritis, or inconvenience (having to clean it up before baby crawled through it), so I also wouldn't a dog/animal. I'm an emotional sucker, and I've come to accept that my life may be harder than it needs to be because of that. I would treat any of them for chronic pain. I feel 100% okay with my decisions, so I don't lose sleep at night.
posted by fruitopia at 6:53 PM on February 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by fruitopia at 6:53 PM on February 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
Best answer: He's now regularly pooping in the house, despite being let out multiple times a day. He's got arthritis which makes it hard to get up. His back muscles are degenerating and his hearing is going. He still enjoys a good roll in the backyard and sniffing but can't do more than a block on the walk.
This is a really good time to start thinking about euthanasia imho, although only you can tell if his quality of life is no longer acceptable. A lot of people wait until their animal is fully incontinent or won't eat or won't drink or can't get up or is crying in pain for days. What is the point of euthanasia if you're going to do that? It's supposed to be an improvement on a slow painful death.
After doing this many, many times I firmly believe "better a month too early than an hour too late".
posted by fshgrl at 7:59 PM on February 2, 2013 [4 favorites]
This is a really good time to start thinking about euthanasia imho, although only you can tell if his quality of life is no longer acceptable. A lot of people wait until their animal is fully incontinent or won't eat or won't drink or can't get up or is crying in pain for days. What is the point of euthanasia if you're going to do that? It's supposed to be an improvement on a slow painful death.
After doing this many, many times I firmly believe "better a month too early than an hour too late".
posted by fshgrl at 7:59 PM on February 2, 2013 [4 favorites]
Best answer: I threw this question to Kinetic 2, a vet surgical assistant who's in veterinary school and her words:
"Tell them to take the dog to a vet for a complete physical. We do this ALL the time and vets completely understand the quality of life concern even though a dog may just be getting old and they don't have any serious diseases. The first place to start is to get the dog completely checked. The vet may have cheap ways to increase the dog's quality of life, like vitamin supplements or something. But we deal with geriatric dogs all the time and that's what we're here for. We tell owners of older dogs what to watch for, what they can expect to happen down the line and when to start thinking about critical care."
She says she also totally gets your perspective that the dog seems less happy and to her, a good vet will take that as a HUGE sign that the dog may actually be more ill than you think. She said most dogs will appear happy and enjoy their rolls in the yard right up until they get close to death (NOT that this is your case). They don't generally show their pain.
And as to your question of considering your quality of life and how the geriatric dog is affecting it, she said that if you feel you really can't care for this dog properly, you had better tell that to the vet. You've given the dog a wonderful life and have no reason to feel guilt (this is assuming the dog is pretty ill...if the dog is healthy but old, y'know...you've made a commitment that you should stick to).
So go to a vet and get a checkup. Good luck.
posted by kinetic at 4:35 AM on February 3, 2013 [4 favorites]
"Tell them to take the dog to a vet for a complete physical. We do this ALL the time and vets completely understand the quality of life concern even though a dog may just be getting old and they don't have any serious diseases. The first place to start is to get the dog completely checked. The vet may have cheap ways to increase the dog's quality of life, like vitamin supplements or something. But we deal with geriatric dogs all the time and that's what we're here for. We tell owners of older dogs what to watch for, what they can expect to happen down the line and when to start thinking about critical care."
She says she also totally gets your perspective that the dog seems less happy and to her, a good vet will take that as a HUGE sign that the dog may actually be more ill than you think. She said most dogs will appear happy and enjoy their rolls in the yard right up until they get close to death (NOT that this is your case). They don't generally show their pain.
And as to your question of considering your quality of life and how the geriatric dog is affecting it, she said that if you feel you really can't care for this dog properly, you had better tell that to the vet. You've given the dog a wonderful life and have no reason to feel guilt (this is assuming the dog is pretty ill...if the dog is healthy but old, y'know...you've made a commitment that you should stick to).
So go to a vet and get a checkup. Good luck.
posted by kinetic at 4:35 AM on February 3, 2013 [4 favorites]
Just stopping back because I thought you might find this article from the NYT today interesting: Weighing the End of Life (there is much wisdom in this story for humans as well).
posted by treehorn+bunny at 6:06 AM on February 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by treehorn+bunny at 6:06 AM on February 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
I was at the vet with my dog and in the next room I could hear one of the vets having an end of life conversation with an elderly lady (and her son) and her elderly dog. It was definitely a sad conversation to hear but it really got me thinking.
The dog was sick, like actually ill and basically just being maintained on medication. The vet asked the lady, "What are his three FAVORITE things to do in the world?" I couldn't hear the old lady's answer but the vet then proceeded to have a discussion about whether or not the dog could still do those three favorite things. Still do all three? Great! Lets keep going. Can't do any of them anymore? Let's talk about options.
So now I have my list of my dog's (and my cat's) favorite things in the world to do so that when it comes time I know what I'm thinking about when weighing their personal quality of life.
posted by magnetsphere at 8:26 AM on February 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
The dog was sick, like actually ill and basically just being maintained on medication. The vet asked the lady, "What are his three FAVORITE things to do in the world?" I couldn't hear the old lady's answer but the vet then proceeded to have a discussion about whether or not the dog could still do those three favorite things. Still do all three? Great! Lets keep going. Can't do any of them anymore? Let's talk about options.
So now I have my list of my dog's (and my cat's) favorite things in the world to do so that when it comes time I know what I'm thinking about when weighing their personal quality of life.
posted by magnetsphere at 8:26 AM on February 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
Best answer: My beloved greyhound spent the last six months of her life in a fog. She became completely incontinent, was having trouble walking more than a block, and didn't seem happy. She also was extremely senile, because she would forget what she got up to do and I had to remind her. Her appetite was non-existent. Her three favorite things were to play with her stuffed monkey, eat little pieces of cheese, and lie in the sun. She could do only the last.
I spent every waking moment I was not at work in her line of sight, because if I were not in view she would panic and begin destroying things. This from a dog who had never destroyed anything, who I trusted out of her crate every day for ten years.
I took her to the vet to be euthanized because if I were her, I wouldn't want to live like that. It was absolute agony, but after I grew more accustomed I knew I'd done the right thing.
Make sure you know what your criteria are for putting the dog to sleep and make sure you communicate those to the vet before you take him in for evaluation. I will warn you that my vet's attitude was similar to some of the answers seen in these types of threads: the idea that if you can medicate the dog to somewhat alleviate the symptoms then no amount of extra work you have to do is too much. I think that's unreasonable and puts an enormous strain on everyone involved, including the animal. Being a martyr won't change the facts about your dog's health.
Do what you think is right, and be prepared for possible poor treatment if you disagree. My vet and his staff went out of their way to make me feel like a murderer, which made the fact that I was actually ending my companion of ten years' life so much harder. It still hurts to think of it, but I did the right thing. If I had it to do over, I'd have taken her to a vet that didn't know her, so that I wouldn't have had people I had known for ten years being cruel to me at one of the worst times of my life.
posted by winna at 8:57 AM on February 3, 2013 [4 favorites]
I spent every waking moment I was not at work in her line of sight, because if I were not in view she would panic and begin destroying things. This from a dog who had never destroyed anything, who I trusted out of her crate every day for ten years.
I took her to the vet to be euthanized because if I were her, I wouldn't want to live like that. It was absolute agony, but after I grew more accustomed I knew I'd done the right thing.
Make sure you know what your criteria are for putting the dog to sleep and make sure you communicate those to the vet before you take him in for evaluation. I will warn you that my vet's attitude was similar to some of the answers seen in these types of threads: the idea that if you can medicate the dog to somewhat alleviate the symptoms then no amount of extra work you have to do is too much. I think that's unreasonable and puts an enormous strain on everyone involved, including the animal. Being a martyr won't change the facts about your dog's health.
Do what you think is right, and be prepared for possible poor treatment if you disagree. My vet and his staff went out of their way to make me feel like a murderer, which made the fact that I was actually ending my companion of ten years' life so much harder. It still hurts to think of it, but I did the right thing. If I had it to do over, I'd have taken her to a vet that didn't know her, so that I wouldn't have had people I had known for ten years being cruel to me at one of the worst times of my life.
posted by winna at 8:57 AM on February 3, 2013 [4 favorites]
Best answer: From the article linked by treehorn+bunny:
Since then, I have often wondered whether we waited too long. We counted the time he spent sleeping as contentment, tipping the scale above the 50 percent mark. But I know that in elderly humans, sleep is more often a sign of chronic exhaustion, depression and avoidance of pain. In dealing with the guilt brought on by our mixed feelings — we love him; he’s ruining our lives — I realize we may have overcompensated to his detriment.
This, from a doctor who specializes in the end of life! This is really a very complex question.
I think it's important to consider overall the life you've given your dog. If things don't go perfectly at the end-- well, often they don't, with death. My vet said to me right after we put my dog down, "It's not a bad way to go. After a long life, in the arms of your favorite person." It seems like an extreme thing to do and it feels extreme at the time. But I think it's a misconception that if your dog dies at home of natural causes, it's necessarily easier and more peaceful for them. I've had several animals, and it's been the other way around in my experience.
posted by BibiRose at 9:47 AM on February 3, 2013
Since then, I have often wondered whether we waited too long. We counted the time he spent sleeping as contentment, tipping the scale above the 50 percent mark. But I know that in elderly humans, sleep is more often a sign of chronic exhaustion, depression and avoidance of pain. In dealing with the guilt brought on by our mixed feelings — we love him; he’s ruining our lives — I realize we may have overcompensated to his detriment.
This, from a doctor who specializes in the end of life! This is really a very complex question.
I think it's important to consider overall the life you've given your dog. If things don't go perfectly at the end-- well, often they don't, with death. My vet said to me right after we put my dog down, "It's not a bad way to go. After a long life, in the arms of your favorite person." It seems like an extreme thing to do and it feels extreme at the time. But I think it's a misconception that if your dog dies at home of natural causes, it's necessarily easier and more peaceful for them. I've had several animals, and it's been the other way around in my experience.
posted by BibiRose at 9:47 AM on February 3, 2013
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posted by cecic at 3:11 PM on February 2, 2013