My ladyparts are the wrong shape and size, help please.
May 24, 2012 8:23 AM Subscribe
NSFW question about my (female) sexual anatomy.
I apparently have a wide, shallow vaginal canal (please form an orderly queue, fellas!). Tampons come out when I sneeze. I can touch my cervix with my tiny little fingers without any effort, and at some points in my cycle it's practically sitting in the opening to my vagina. The only sexual positions that allow my (above-averagely-endowed and completely understanding and helpful) partner to get much stimulation and doesn't leave him slipping out every two seconds also involve hammering my cervix, so my sex life includes a lot of whole lot of everything other than intercourse. I've managed to make it work, but I would like to have a child soon, and currently my partner is simply unable to come inside me. Even getting *really* close and sticking it in at the last second is problematic - it just doesn't usually work. It certainly doesn't work enough to give a woman in her mid 30's a good chance of getting pregnant.
My Dr agrees that I am a bit wide and shallow, but well within the scope of "normal" and has tried to give me advice about sexual positions and techniques. I'm seriously considering some kind of surgery to get "fixed", though, because this is just not working at all. Looking for information and advice on surgery, sexual techniques that I may not have considered, or anything else you can think of.
I apparently have a wide, shallow vaginal canal (please form an orderly queue, fellas!). Tampons come out when I sneeze. I can touch my cervix with my tiny little fingers without any effort, and at some points in my cycle it's practically sitting in the opening to my vagina. The only sexual positions that allow my (above-averagely-endowed and completely understanding and helpful) partner to get much stimulation and doesn't leave him slipping out every two seconds also involve hammering my cervix, so my sex life includes a lot of whole lot of everything other than intercourse. I've managed to make it work, but I would like to have a child soon, and currently my partner is simply unable to come inside me. Even getting *really* close and sticking it in at the last second is problematic - it just doesn't usually work. It certainly doesn't work enough to give a woman in her mid 30's a good chance of getting pregnant.
My Dr agrees that I am a bit wide and shallow, but well within the scope of "normal" and has tried to give me advice about sexual positions and techniques. I'm seriously considering some kind of surgery to get "fixed", though, because this is just not working at all. Looking for information and advice on surgery, sexual techniques that I may not have considered, or anything else you can think of.
Building upon what stormygrey said, find angles that only allow shallow penetration but maximize the contact with your butt and thighs.
- You on your stomach, him behind kneeling or lying on top
- Spooning
- You laying on your side, legs curled up, and him on top/behind.
- Missionary technically is shallow and has a lot of thigh contact, but it might be east to slip out, downward, I imagine.
If he slips out a lot he might have to change technique, and instead of wildly hammering away, thrust slowly with precision. If he needs more stimulation along his shaft, reach behind you and use your hand or splayed fingers for him to thrust through into you.
Googling gave me a random sex advice column that says this: "When a woman is fully aroused, her vagina elongates and her cervix lifts. Make sure you take the necessary time to get her in the mood before you engage in intercourse." Could be true or not, but hey, sounds like it's worth quoting to him and experimenting with! Good luck!
posted by Sayuri. at 9:13 AM on May 24, 2012
- You on your stomach, him behind kneeling or lying on top
- Spooning
- You laying on your side, legs curled up, and him on top/behind.
- Missionary technically is shallow and has a lot of thigh contact, but it might be east to slip out, downward, I imagine.
If he slips out a lot he might have to change technique, and instead of wildly hammering away, thrust slowly with precision. If he needs more stimulation along his shaft, reach behind you and use your hand or splayed fingers for him to thrust through into you.
Googling gave me a random sex advice column that says this: "When a woman is fully aroused, her vagina elongates and her cervix lifts. Make sure you take the necessary time to get her in the mood before you engage in intercourse." Could be true or not, but hey, sounds like it's worth quoting to him and experimenting with! Good luck!
posted by Sayuri. at 9:13 AM on May 24, 2012
Could your partner wrap his hand around his penis so only the last inch or 2 is going inside you? This could work with him on his back and you on top so you can control the depth so it's comfortable. It is also a great thigh work out.
If you are too wide there are some toys you can get that are designed to sit inside you and stimulate both you and him that might make things a little tighter and offer more stimulation. You can also get sleeves that slip over penises that add girth to a penis might make it feel tighter in there, though that might also decrease his stimulation, though I just noticed that some come with vibrators attached so it might feel good for everyone concerned. The website linked to has a range to choose from. Not sure how they would effect the whole depth issue but it might be fun to try if nothing else.
Also it's not super sexy but if you are serious about getting pregnant there is always the old "turkey baster" method? Time that with the whole basal temperature thing to get the right stage in your cycle. It's not sexy but it can work.
posted by wwax at 9:27 AM on May 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
If you are too wide there are some toys you can get that are designed to sit inside you and stimulate both you and him that might make things a little tighter and offer more stimulation. You can also get sleeves that slip over penises that add girth to a penis might make it feel tighter in there, though that might also decrease his stimulation, though I just noticed that some come with vibrators attached so it might feel good for everyone concerned. The website linked to has a range to choose from. Not sure how they would effect the whole depth issue but it might be fun to try if nothing else.
Also it's not super sexy but if you are serious about getting pregnant there is always the old "turkey baster" method? Time that with the whole basal temperature thing to get the right stage in your cycle. It's not sexy but it can work.
posted by wwax at 9:27 AM on May 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
You say that at some points in your cycle that your cervix is practically poking out of your vagina, but your doctor says it's "within the scope of 'normal'"?
If you haven't shown your doctor what things look like when you're "hanging out," maybe go back to show her and say "are you sure about that now?" If she still thinks it's normal, maybe get a second opinion.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:28 AM on May 24, 2012 [12 favorites]
If you haven't shown your doctor what things look like when you're "hanging out," maybe go back to show her and say "are you sure about that now?" If she still thinks it's normal, maybe get a second opinion.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:28 AM on May 24, 2012 [12 favorites]
Cervix position changes based on arousal- more foreplay or whatever will pull it further back into your body
posted by MangyCarface at 9:53 AM on May 24, 2012
posted by MangyCarface at 9:53 AM on May 24, 2012
Google "prolapsed uterus" and "tilted uterus". There are guides to having more comfortable intercourse with both conditions. Look up coital aliment technique (CAT) position for starters. It is absolutely true that the vaginal cavity lengthens, and uterus rises, with arousal.
I have the same anatomical configuration (and associated issues) as you, and doctors likewise regard it as unimportant.
A tilted uterus is incredibly commonplace. No doctor ever acknowledged I had a tilt until I brought it up by name. Then the response was oh yeah you've totally got that but it doesn't matter. They're talking only from the health and safety perspective. A pelvic pain specialist would be a lot more helpful (and expensive). Sex therapist is another possibility.
Prolapse can be serious, if it causes pain or causes the cervix to hang outside the vaginal opening. Again, no doctor mentioned that I had the prolapse because it's not severe enough to be medically interesting and thus why scare the patient unnecessarily with info about her body amirite? Argh. It wasn't until a family member had to have hysterectomy for a much more severe prolapse that we discovered that pretty much every woman in my family has had prolapse as long add she can remember. No one ever told us there's a word for it. The doctors may not have known to mention one, though. A doctor is less likely to detect mild our moderate prolapse on an exam table, because they put you in a position that raises the cervix higher than it is when you are standing or sitting. Discuss by name.
Kegel exercises have been known to help with prolapse. Don't expect miracles, but it can make things a bit better. Kegels also make for better orgasms, so there's nothing but win there. Surgical intervention is not usually recommended and not tremendously successful. A pessary can help but most women aren't crazy about it.
posted by nakedcodemonkey at 10:34 AM on May 24, 2012 [5 favorites]
I have the same anatomical configuration (and associated issues) as you, and doctors likewise regard it as unimportant.
A tilted uterus is incredibly commonplace. No doctor ever acknowledged I had a tilt until I brought it up by name. Then the response was oh yeah you've totally got that but it doesn't matter. They're talking only from the health and safety perspective. A pelvic pain specialist would be a lot more helpful (and expensive). Sex therapist is another possibility.
Prolapse can be serious, if it causes pain or causes the cervix to hang outside the vaginal opening. Again, no doctor mentioned that I had the prolapse because it's not severe enough to be medically interesting and thus why scare the patient unnecessarily with info about her body amirite? Argh. It wasn't until a family member had to have hysterectomy for a much more severe prolapse that we discovered that pretty much every woman in my family has had prolapse as long add she can remember. No one ever told us there's a word for it. The doctors may not have known to mention one, though. A doctor is less likely to detect mild our moderate prolapse on an exam table, because they put you in a position that raises the cervix higher than it is when you are standing or sitting. Discuss by name.
Kegel exercises have been known to help with prolapse. Don't expect miracles, but it can make things a bit better. Kegels also make for better orgasms, so there's nothing but win there. Surgical intervention is not usually recommended and not tremendously successful. A pessary can help but most women aren't crazy about it.
posted by nakedcodemonkey at 10:34 AM on May 24, 2012 [5 favorites]
Hmm You can try the missionary but have your partner put your legs on his shoulders. My wife is short and has similiar problems. The legs together will help him and allow him to control better.
posted by majortom1981 at 12:23 PM on May 24, 2012
posted by majortom1981 at 12:23 PM on May 24, 2012
I think others have addressed your main issues here - possible tilted uterus or prolapse; sexual positioning; etc. Regarding your concerns about conception, talk to your doctor about artificial insemination using your partner's semen. The procedure is incredibly simple - we're talking about the medical equivalent of a turkey baster used to inject semen into the vagina.
posted by pecanpies at 12:43 PM on May 24, 2012
posted by pecanpies at 12:43 PM on May 24, 2012
For insemination puposes, I nth the advice about using your hand to give your vagina "extra length." It'll allow your partner to move freely without whacking your cervix.
It's also true that when you get aroused your cervix will go up. That's because when a woman is aroused, the round ligaments (badly named muscles) yank the uterus closer to the pelvic bone, which pulls the cervix up and extends the length of the vagina.
Also, if you do have a prolapse, try checking out physiotherapy and pelvic floor exercises. There's a book you might find useful called, I believe, "hold it sister". I am on a phone but you can google it.
posted by feets at 3:37 PM on May 24, 2012
It's also true that when you get aroused your cervix will go up. That's because when a woman is aroused, the round ligaments (badly named muscles) yank the uterus closer to the pelvic bone, which pulls the cervix up and extends the length of the vagina.
Also, if you do have a prolapse, try checking out physiotherapy and pelvic floor exercises. There's a book you might find useful called, I believe, "hold it sister". I am on a phone but you can google it.
posted by feets at 3:37 PM on May 24, 2012
I'm not wide, but I am shallow, and I do have a tilted uterus, and yeah, the partner of above-average size thing really sucks when you're not aroused enough for your cervix to lift. I find that the missionary position is usually all I can handle, and even that sometimes hurts a fair bit. Anything from behind, even lying on my stomach for me, shortens my vaginal canal even further. Have not tried the squeezing-thighs-together thing, and I think I will. I have kept my legs together in missionary, but even we had the problem of him slipping out repeatedly in that position, and I still pretty much have to wear the smallest available tampons even on my heaviest days. But that may be ineptitude on our part.
A good trick for me is as mentioned above-- lift one leg, in missionary. Reach around behind it and wrap the number of fingers appropriate to your specific internal configuration around the shaft of your partner's penis. This probably works better if your partner enjoys having his testicles or prostate stimulated (to do that externally, just massage the perineum with a fingertip. Some people love this, it freaks others out). Also, something very simple that I think a lot of us probably do instinctively, but may bear mentioning anyway, is clamping down as hard as one can on the vaginal muscles. Kegels, suchlike. I do that because it's more fun for me, and it has the added effect of yanking my cervix sufficiently out of the way that it hurts less when it's repeatedly battered.
I hope some of these tips help you. A short vagina kinda sucks when you draw the impressively-endowed-partner card.
posted by Because at 4:42 AM on May 25, 2012
A good trick for me is as mentioned above-- lift one leg, in missionary. Reach around behind it and wrap the number of fingers appropriate to your specific internal configuration around the shaft of your partner's penis. This probably works better if your partner enjoys having his testicles or prostate stimulated (to do that externally, just massage the perineum with a fingertip. Some people love this, it freaks others out). Also, something very simple that I think a lot of us probably do instinctively, but may bear mentioning anyway, is clamping down as hard as one can on the vaginal muscles. Kegels, suchlike. I do that because it's more fun for me, and it has the added effect of yanking my cervix sufficiently out of the way that it hurts less when it's repeatedly battered.
I hope some of these tips help you. A short vagina kinda sucks when you draw the impressively-endowed-partner card.
posted by Because at 4:42 AM on May 25, 2012
Mine isn't shallow but I have a tilt. Another position that gives you more "canal" bang is you on your back, thighs together (you could, once your partner is inside, cross your feet at the ankles). He lies on top, missionary-like except his legs are open, positioned outside of yours. Once in (tilt your hips up to allow access), the action is more of him lying fully on top of you rocking, up and down, thigh to thigh, hip to hip, against you. Squeeze together your thigh muscles, play around with various hip tilts, and enjoy the sensation of everything being rubbed the right way!
posted by Jezebella at 10:08 AM on May 25, 2012
posted by Jezebella at 10:08 AM on May 25, 2012
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posted by stormygrey at 8:36 AM on May 24, 2012 [6 favorites]