Working for someone you know

January 31, 2012 12:48 PM

Should I take a job offer from a close family friend?

I've recently graduated and am looking for a job. Recently I ran into an old music teacher and we chatted for a while. I was quite close with her while she was my teacher (about 5 years). She mentioned that her husband's company is in need of a receptionist and that I should call him. It's a cool company that I think I'd like to work for.
The reason I am hesitating is that I worry that if anything doesn't turn out right, things could become awkward between us. AS a person my former teacher is very kind, sensitive and generous but I remember her husband to be, while a very nice person, rather competitive and intimidating. As for me, I tend to be more like his wife; my personality type is ISFP While I got along ok with her husband in a personal setting, I am just not sure my personality would fit in a business setting, as he is the type of person that makes me feel intimidated. I'm a reliable worker but I tend to be a slower learner than some and I worry that this just might not be a good fit. I just worry that things could become awkward between me and my former teacher if for some reason I don't fit in at this job and her husband (who would be my boss) does not like the way I work. I wouldn't want to lose touch with my teacher over this. Am I overreacting?

posted by costanza to Work & Money (16 answers total)

Best answer: My opinion: You're not overreacting. Your instincts are telling you something in this case. Follow your instincts.

In a different situation, you would feel comfortable about it.
posted by caclwmr4 at 12:51 PM on January 31, 2012 [2 favorites]

Seems to me you're probably overreacting. A) you only "recently ran into" this teacher. Are you sure you're going to stay in touch with this person anyway? B) Even if the worst happens and you end up not working out in the receptionist job, there's no reason for that to spoil your relationship with the teacher. If you give it your best shot and it doesn't work out, there's no reason for any hard feelings on anyone's part.
posted by yoink at 12:53 PM on January 31, 2012

Response by poster: Sorry to threadsit. I forgot to add: If I decide not to call the husband, what should I do? Should I call the wife and explain, and if so, what should I say? RE yoink: This is someone I would stay in touch with, as I have known her for years and she is a close friend from the town where I grew up.
posted by costanza at 12:56 PM on January 31, 2012

In my opinion, yes, you are overreacting. It sounds like it's not quite a job offer, but an invitation to call and inquire about the job, and state that you are interested in applying. You'd likely still have to submit a resume and interview for the position. At that time, you can check out the company, get a feel for what it's like to work for her husband, and decide whether or not it's the right fit for you. I wouldn't pass up a job opportunity (especially in this market) just because you have a recollection that he was competitive and intimidating. This may not be true, and you also may be anxious and talking yourself out of it. Also, I wouldn't put a ton of weight on the Myers-Briggs test. In a job setting you have to learn to get along with all types of personalities that you normally wouldn't be interested in interacting with.
posted by Sal and Richard at 12:57 PM on January 31, 2012 [4 favorites]

Investigate further. Call the man, go through the interview process, get a feel for the company atmosphere and for how much interaction you'd have with this man. Once you have this information, I think you can trust your instincts as to whether to take the job if it's offered to you. Some people are not temperamentally suited to be in charge of anyone, and if you're getting a bad reading off this man when he's just your music husband's husband, it's probably better not to work for him.
posted by orange swan at 1:00 PM on January 31, 2012

When was the last time you saw her husband? For all you know he's mellowed out since then. You're doing yourself a disservice if you don't at least investigate the job offer.
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:01 PM on January 31, 2012

Best answer: Never reject yourself. Present yourself honestly and make it clear you are looking for a good fit. If you aren't what he wants in an employee, no hard feelings.

Likewise, feel free to bring up any concerns you might have. If you don't like him, politely bow out. Either now, or with appropriate notice seven months from now when you're ready to move on. If you treat him with respect, there's no reason there should be hard feelings. Costanza the musician and Costanza the employee aren't the same person.
posted by politikitty at 1:28 PM on January 31, 2012

Go meet the guy. At the very least it will give you job interview practice, which is a helpful thing for a recent college grad.
posted by BlahLaLa at 1:37 PM on January 31, 2012 [4 favorites]

The job market is horrible for recent grads, and while I don't know what your degree is in, if you're already considering a receptionist job it's probably not something super in-demand (no offense). There are grads who have been out of work for months and months. I would not pass this up because you used to not really care for her husband. Look at this as a learning experience; there will almost certainly be other "intimidating" people you'll work for, and the chances are that he's not as awful as you're imagining.
posted by desjardins at 1:39 PM on January 31, 2012

First things first. You haven't even met with him yet, but in your head you've already got the job and it's not working out. As politikitty says, don't reject yourself. Go on the interview, bring up your concerns about expectations, working styles, etc., and go from there. Be professional and polite, and if he decides not to offer you the job (or if he does and you decide to decline), there's no grounds for hard feelings on either side.
posted by scody at 1:40 PM on January 31, 2012

Be truthful about it to the teacher/friend. Tell her thanks for the offer, and that the company looks awesome, but you don't think your personality would be a great fit for the company. All you need to mention is you trust your instincts, and your instincts are telling you no.
posted by zombieApoc at 1:41 PM on January 31, 2012

Nothing wrong with investigating things a bit further. More information will let you make a better decision.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:44 PM on January 31, 2012

Never pass up a chance to interview.

If you have a bad vibe after that, and they do offer the job, you can gracefully decline it. Any friend would respect you for saying "I could use the job, but I'm concerned it might not work out and I wouldn't want anything to jeopardize our friendship, so I'm going to decline." I guarantee they won't feel obligated to give you the job just because you interview, so no need for you to feel obligated either.
posted by meinvt at 1:51 PM on January 31, 2012

I agree about going on the interview. That should give you more insight into whether or not your initial feelings are correct. You should feel ZERO obligation about taking the job if it's offered. If you don't want it, you can always say you're holding out for something better paying/with more opportunity for advancement, etc.

You didn't mention whether or not you're a high school or college graduate. If you are a college graduate, has the job market gotten so bad that you have to jump on a receptionist job for fear of not getting anything else? I guess my assumption has been that professional-level jobs are very hard to come by and receptionist jobs aren't. Based on that assumption, you can probably get another receptionist job if this isn't right.
posted by cnc at 1:54 PM on January 31, 2012

Best answer: It doesn't hurt to go for an interview, see how things go - as practice for future interviews, if nothing else.

But you've given some very valid reasons why this might not be a good fit - you're a recent graduate and therefore insecure by definition, the husband makes you feel intimidated, or you have good reason to think he will. Yeah, the economy sucks, yeah, it's good to have a job - but right now I'm thinking of the couple of different people I've known, who had the misfortune of being employed, right out of school, by companies so toxic that the experiences left scars for years afterwards. Mind you, scars represent learning experiences - but also pain; don't let fear blind you to the possibility for growth, but don't make the mistake of discounting your instincts, either.

And if by some chance you're offered a job on the spot, do not make any decision until 24 hours have elapsed. Be effusively thankful, but don't let yourself be maneuvered into any yes or no decision - give yourself time to think it over, in peace and privacy, before you decide.

Good luck!
posted by mie at 1:55 PM on January 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Looks like the consensus is that I should try it out but not ignore my initial reaction.
Thanks Mefites!
posted by costanza at 8:33 PM on January 31, 2012