Resources for single mothers in Seattle area?
January 18, 2012 8:08 AM Subscribe
What resources are available to a pregnant woman with a 1 year old and an autistic 3 year old in the Seattle (eastside) area?
I'm considering leaving my verbally and emotionally abusive husband of 5 years. I need to know what resources are available to me if I do. I have no money (my unemployment benefits run out in a couple of weeks. I have no where to live and will have no access to a vehicle if I do leave. I have an autistic 3 year old who's doing well with ABA therapy provided by her fathers insurance which I am loathe to disrupt hence my reticence about leaving. I'm also 20 weeks pregnant and on his insurance which I am sure to lose if I leave. I've been trying to stay and put up with his behavior for the sake of the children, but recently have started having suicidal thoughts. To compound matters further I have previously been in the hospital (before I met him) for a suicide attempt. I also lost my dad last year and I still haven't gotten over the loss. I'm scared of getting to the point where I lose all hope and do something rash, but I'm also aware of my responsibility as a mother. I love my girls too much to put them through that kind of pain but some days I lose the will to put up with his behavior to me. I have no friends or family that's local and I'm a naturalized citizen with no family in this country. I'm rather overwhelmed right now and need some guidance.
I'm considering leaving my verbally and emotionally abusive husband of 5 years. I need to know what resources are available to me if I do. I have no money (my unemployment benefits run out in a couple of weeks. I have no where to live and will have no access to a vehicle if I do leave. I have an autistic 3 year old who's doing well with ABA therapy provided by her fathers insurance which I am loathe to disrupt hence my reticence about leaving. I'm also 20 weeks pregnant and on his insurance which I am sure to lose if I leave. I've been trying to stay and put up with his behavior for the sake of the children, but recently have started having suicidal thoughts. To compound matters further I have previously been in the hospital (before I met him) for a suicide attempt. I also lost my dad last year and I still haven't gotten over the loss. I'm scared of getting to the point where I lose all hope and do something rash, but I'm also aware of my responsibility as a mother. I love my girls too much to put them through that kind of pain but some days I lose the will to put up with his behavior to me. I have no friends or family that's local and I'm a naturalized citizen with no family in this country. I'm rather overwhelmed right now and need some guidance.
Division of Developmental Disabilities link
Resources for survivors of domestic abuse (not Washington-specific, but includes specific resources for non-native US citizens)
Domestic Violence safety plan
Seattle Crisis Resource Directory (list of shelters)
Good luck, Anon - we're pulling for you!
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 8:31 AM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
Resources for survivors of domestic abuse (not Washington-specific, but includes specific resources for non-native US citizens)
Domestic Violence safety plan
Seattle Crisis Resource Directory (list of shelters)
Good luck, Anon - we're pulling for you!
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 8:31 AM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
I am so sorry you're fighting all this right now. It sounds like you are making good, healthy choices for you and your family even though it hurts.
In terms of resources for health coverage here is a link that provides information generally for resources available, with more specific information here about insurance to cover pregnancy visits and possibly ABA or related services for your daughter.
That will all get sorted, though. First step is to find a place where you feel safe and well. Please contact someone who can help you find a safe space. DAWN is a network for women experiencing abuse in King County. They operate a 24 hour hotline (425) 656-7867 that can help get you started.
We are pulling for you.
posted by goggie at 8:46 AM on January 18, 2012
In terms of resources for health coverage here is a link that provides information generally for resources available, with more specific information here about insurance to cover pregnancy visits and possibly ABA or related services for your daughter.
That will all get sorted, though. First step is to find a place where you feel safe and well. Please contact someone who can help you find a safe space. DAWN is a network for women experiencing abuse in King County. They operate a 24 hour hotline (425) 656-7867 that can help get you started.
We are pulling for you.
posted by goggie at 8:46 AM on January 18, 2012
re: insurance: If the father is insured through his employer, the act of you leaving is NOT a qualifying event so he can't just take you off the insurance, and you won't lose your coverage immediately. A "legal separation" is a qualifying event, however in many separations or divorces, the father can be mandated as part of the decree to keep his minor children on his insurance as part of his child support responsibilities. So please don't worry that your leaving will cause an immediate disruption in your insurance coverage. It won't, and it can't until there is a court review of your situation.
If you are having suicidal thoughts, call Hopeline any time, day or night, and you will be able to talk (in English or Spanish) with someone who cares and who can help.
You can do this. You can be strong for yourself and your children and build them a better life.
posted by anastasiav at 8:54 AM on January 18, 2012
If you are having suicidal thoughts, call Hopeline any time, day or night, and you will be able to talk (in English or Spanish) with someone who cares and who can help.
You can do this. You can be strong for yourself and your children and build them a better life.
posted by anastasiav at 8:54 AM on January 18, 2012
I don't have any resources for you, but I know there are lots of Seattle-area MeFites who will have good ideas.
I just want to send my deep, deep support to you. Any one of those things -- pregnancy, kids, grief, developmental disabilities, depression, domestic abuse -- can be tough on its own; no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed. Clearly, you're already a strong person; being a mom, let alone the mom of an autistic kid, means that you are used to putting your own needs aside and living in perpetual "cope" mode.
Remember the golden rule of taking care of your family: taking care of yourself means that you are in a better position to take care of others. I hope this can give you strength as you think of ways to move forward.
In terms of your daughter's therapy, I'll go out on a limb here and say that the benefit of having a safe, stable living situation -- even with greatly reduced resources -- probably outweighs the therapy right now. Early intervention for autism is really great... but so is early intervention with abuse. Think about being able to give BOTH of your existing children, and the one growing inside you, a safe and healthy life.
No matter what happens, I'm pulling for you, and so are lots of other people. We will be here. One day at a time. You can do this.
posted by Madamina at 8:56 AM on January 18, 2012 [2 favorites]
I just want to send my deep, deep support to you. Any one of those things -- pregnancy, kids, grief, developmental disabilities, depression, domestic abuse -- can be tough on its own; no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed. Clearly, you're already a strong person; being a mom, let alone the mom of an autistic kid, means that you are used to putting your own needs aside and living in perpetual "cope" mode.
Remember the golden rule of taking care of your family: taking care of yourself means that you are in a better position to take care of others. I hope this can give you strength as you think of ways to move forward.
In terms of your daughter's therapy, I'll go out on a limb here and say that the benefit of having a safe, stable living situation -- even with greatly reduced resources -- probably outweighs the therapy right now. Early intervention for autism is really great... but so is early intervention with abuse. Think about being able to give BOTH of your existing children, and the one growing inside you, a safe and healthy life.
No matter what happens, I'm pulling for you, and so are lots of other people. We will be here. One day at a time. You can do this.
posted by Madamina at 8:56 AM on January 18, 2012 [2 favorites]
Your children will not lose insurance until the divorce is finalised, and the court can (and often will) mandate that the children stay on the earning spouse's insurance in the divorce decree. (Source) If you exit with no income, you will be entitled to Medicaid coverage during pregnancy as well if you yourself are not on his insurance, or you may be able to get pregnancy and delivery care through the State of Washington. You would also be eligible for TANF and WIC.
I would encourage you to make covert plans in consultation with a lawyer or women's centre, to get out ASAP, to make sure you have paperwork (tax returns, birth certificates, naturalisation papers, marriage certificates) and to get out. The fact the divorce will take time has both good and bad points, and you need to know what they time buys you (and costs you, too.) Know that in the interim, the court can also mandate temporary support.
posted by DarlingBri at 8:59 AM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
I would encourage you to make covert plans in consultation with a lawyer or women's centre, to get out ASAP, to make sure you have paperwork (tax returns, birth certificates, naturalisation papers, marriage certificates) and to get out. The fact the divorce will take time has both good and bad points, and you need to know what they time buys you (and costs you, too.) Know that in the interim, the court can also mandate temporary support.
posted by DarlingBri at 8:59 AM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
It sounds like you don't have a support network. You might contact Wellspring Family Services for counseling. Their phone is 206.524.9055 or e-mail counseling@wellspringfs.org
Wellspring has been operating in the Seattle are for over 100 years. They are a private, non-profit organization helping area families achieve self-sufficiency.
You are doing a very good thing to explore your options. In your anonymous post above, your maturity, courage, and love for your children is evident. Wishing brighter days for you very soon.
posted by valannc at 9:26 AM on January 18, 2012
Wellspring has been operating in the Seattle are for over 100 years. They are a private, non-profit organization helping area families achieve self-sufficiency.
You are doing a very good thing to explore your options. In your anonymous post above, your maturity, courage, and love for your children is evident. Wishing brighter days for you very soon.
posted by valannc at 9:26 AM on January 18, 2012
I know someone who has been in a similar situation, and I have asked that person for information and resources. MeMail me and I will be in further contact ASAP.
posted by KathrynT at 1:54 PM on January 18, 2012
posted by KathrynT at 1:54 PM on January 18, 2012
I don't have specific resources, but a friend who is a domestic violence social worker in another state says WA is known for its amazing DV resources. Here is a link to the DV coalition page that she told me about and is supposed to be the best in the country.
Good luck.
posted by lunasol at 3:19 PM on January 18, 2012
Good luck.
posted by lunasol at 3:19 PM on January 18, 2012
EDVP is located on the Eastside, and have both counseling and shelter resources.
posted by Gorgik at 3:41 PM on January 18, 2012
posted by Gorgik at 3:41 PM on January 18, 2012
Anon, I work for an organization that provides support and information services to people in situations like yours. We can assist you with navigating through the different choices you have, and connect you with agencies that help with housing, counseling, etc.
Normally we only handle cases through the police or local hospitals, but memail me if you'd like our contact information and a referral (I would have suggested this in my previous answer, but needed to get it cleared first).
posted by Gorgik at 6:49 PM on January 18, 2012 [4 favorites]
Normally we only handle cases through the police or local hospitals, but memail me if you'd like our contact information and a referral (I would have suggested this in my previous answer, but needed to get it cleared first).
posted by Gorgik at 6:49 PM on January 18, 2012 [4 favorites]
AutismKing, for King County parents of children with autism. Many parents are single, many have financial difficulties.
Kindering Center, in Bellevue.
You should apply with DDD, as linked above, if you haven't already. They don't have much to offer new clients right now other than a depressingly long waiting list, but they do have short-term emergency respite care. I just went through the process and could try to help you through it, if you want.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:18 AM on January 19, 2012
Kindering Center, in Bellevue.
You should apply with DDD, as linked above, if you haven't already. They don't have much to offer new clients right now other than a depressingly long waiting list, but they do have short-term emergency respite care. I just went through the process and could try to help you through it, if you want.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:18 AM on January 19, 2012
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I'm not in Seattle, but some possible resources:
new beginnings
A list of resources (legal, shelter, counselling)
Seattle city womens commission resources
You may also want to check around online for checklists/ideas on how to prepare - what to take, how to plan, etc.
You are strong. You can do this. You and your girls deserve better.
posted by dpx.mfx at 8:25 AM on January 18, 2012