Are there good reasons for not contacting this former student?
August 18, 2013 9:46 PM Subscribe
warning: outside US (cultural caveats apply)
I (30) am tempted to facebook message a girl (18) who I taught last year in a nighttime high school for dropouts. She gave birth early this year and dropped out once again before her baby arrived (she was no longer in my class then). I am also working as a tutor in a very flexible and comprehensive special program for socially vulnerable youth, at a different school, which is particularly suitable for teenage single mothers as her. I would like to contact her to let her know about this educational option, offer my help, and maybe suggest a meeting to discuss this alternative.
So far, not so bad, yet...
posted by Basque13 to human relations (55 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
...I would also like to assess the possibility of getting to know her a bit more personally, on condition, obviously, that she seems interested in going that way in a hypothetical meeting. We got on well when she was in my class, although clearly that does not mean much now.
I must say that, to the best of my knowledge, there are no legal barriers to tutor-(adult) student dating around here.
In the context where I work, teenage pregnancy is endemic, and so is (teenage) father-fleeing. Teenage boys (usually from poor homes and unemployed) often panic when they learn their girlfriends are pregnant and vanish. From what I read from this girl's fb latest posts, this seems to be yet another of those cases.
I know it isn´t easy to think outside one's cultural programming (after all, our culture´s a big part of who we are), but I´ve read many articulate and thought-provoking contributions here, so I pose these questions in hope you can give me some guidance:
Is the gap in educational level, positions (and to a lesser extent age) usually a deal-breaker when it comes to dating?
What possible complications (if any) do you see possibly arising if I do contact this girl?
I see myself teaming up with a younger single mom from a different background to form a family. Is the idea itself outlandish?
Actually I was in a somewhat similar situation last year with a 18 y.o. student single mother of a 4 y.o., (child´s allegedly violent father in prison). She successfully completed the program and soon before the end of classes, I once told her we could meet outside English class hours to discuss her future options (she had said she wanted to go to college but had no clue what that was like and could use some advice). Weeks later, on her request we did meet and discussed more than college options, she said she would like to see me again. In the course of the following week, she texted me a few semi-romantic messages (I was no longer her tutor then) and I invited her out to dinner. She said she would love to, but she cancelled at the last minute, stopped texting, and I assumed lack of interest on her part.