give it to me baby, uh huh uh huh
January 7, 2012 5:55 PM   Subscribe

Sex Filter: How do you decrease the length of your refractory period?

It seems like I can only orgasm once a day and I'd love to change that. It's frustrating because mentally I'm always interested in sex, but physically I can only get aroused once or twice during the day and then I can't take advantage of that second wind because I just can't orgasm.

The weird thing is that a few months ago I bruised my cervix and for a week after I could tell that there was a lot of circulation down there (doctor said everything was "rosy and swollen", thanks dude) and that week I was always horny and able to orgasm so, so hard and a few times in a row. It was the greatest week of my life. What happened there? Can I improve circulation in ways that don't involve bruising and whatnot? Are there other ways to improve one's rebound time?

God I hope so.
posted by iLoveTheRain to Health & Fitness (16 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite

 
Anecdotally, and controlling for partners, I find I have generally better sex when hydrated, well exercised, and diligent in yoga. For me, all of those contribute to circulation, breathing, and being connected with my body; what are your other extracurricular habits like?

(YMMV, I'm male)
posted by a halcyon day at 7:17 PM on January 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


A mosquito once bit my penis (I live in the woods. I had an outhouse...) and the least stimulation set off some interesting and pleasurable phenomena, including, I think, extra blood flow to the area. Best sex ever, lasted a week (not the sex). So I think you are on the right track. One explanation I have heard for the reputed success of "Spanish Fly" (is that another one of those things we're not supposed to say?) is that it increased the blood flow to the genitals, causing horniness.
posted by Hobgoblin at 7:35 PM on January 7, 2012 [4 favorites]


Another guy here (sorry!):

I really think this is something that you're born with. Some people easily get off 5 times per day; others only every few days. Everything halcyon says will help your sex life, but it's tough to say if circulation has anything at all to do with it (anecdotally, some of the horniest people I've known -- male or female -- weren't exactly health nuts. Just the opposite, in fact.)

Also, I go through periods where I constantly want to have sex, and other times when I can go 3-4 days without thinking about it. I think this is very common. I've only noticed 2 patterns to this:

1) When I travel, I'm horny.
2) The more oral I give/get, the more I'm interesting in sex. This seems to be the key to going from 0-60 in about 30 seconds. The same might work for you.
posted by coolguymichael at 7:40 PM on January 7, 2012


are you on antidepressants? i know a woman who went from a few orgasms a day if she tried really hard to like 10 without the same effort after she went off her meds.
posted by virginia_clemm at 8:23 PM on January 7, 2012


Increase the number of days between sex/ejaculation. Hmm, maybe read up on tantric sex wrt lots of stimulation, refrain from ejaculatory orgasn.
posted by porpoise at 8:39 PM on January 7, 2012


FWIW, am a girl, don't ejaculate in the traditional sense, am not on antidepressants and am no longer in a relationship with someone I could give oral to (though that's certainly an excellent suggestion).
posted by iLoveTheRain at 8:55 PM on January 7, 2012


Some things to try:

Use a vibrator or dildo to explore and stimulate the entire inside of your vagina... sides, front, back, cul de sac. Use firm pressure which will work like a massage to increase blood flow. Don't rush through it, spend a good amount of time doing this.

Red wine (tequila also works for me.) Drink enough to feel a little tipsy but don't get sloshed.

Ginger pills. I think it slightly irritates the urethra causing a sensation of arousal. Ditto vinegar pills.

Intense G-spot stimulation.

Kegels.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 9:08 PM on January 7, 2012


This is basically what Viagra does, isn't it? Apparently some women have found it useful. There's a documentary called Orgasm, Inc. Mostly focuses on modern medicine pathologizing female sexual function, but if it helps, it helps.
posted by supercres at 9:19 PM on January 7, 2012


Ummm,
I find that there's point say, immediately after orgasm where I want to stop, and if I stop there, I wind right down. Sense of completion achieved.

Stating the obvious here, but, if you then have a vibe or something, don't stop immediately after orgasm. Have it keep going, even if it's a bit intense. Your body decides 'Rides not over...!'.
After teasing yourself for a bit, then you can stop.
Yeah, this is effectively giving yourself a slight case of blue balls (gonads, whatever). But, for me at least, I then find that I guess I don't have that sense of completion, and can go again later.

Yes, it is a bit frustrating, but I'm guessing the week of the bruised cervix, you felt a little bit horny-frustrated-swollen all the time? Yeah, so do it like that.
posted by Elysum at 1:14 AM on January 8, 2012


Okay. I'm a girl! Yay! I'm not going to talk to you about ejaculate! Yay!

So there are a few things that you need to check first.

The biggest inhibitor of desire and/or the ability to climax is hormonal contraception. Seriously, if you are on the pill or using a ring or whatever, try changing methods because that can help. This is easily the most important thing to consider and can make a massive difference. Each type of hormonal birth control will have a different effect on you, so talk through it with your doctor.

For women getting enough iron and zinc is really important. A multivitamin designed for women can help make sure you haven't missed any other nutrients.

You also don't mention how old you are. Women peak in sexual responsiveness in their thirties.

I would also suggest you try longer foreplay. Much, much longer. The advice to have a play and explore yourself is a good one. A warming lube would be handy too for getting the blood flowing,
posted by Jilder at 1:48 AM on January 8, 2012 [4 favorites]


Being well hydrated is definitely key. (I am female, too.)
posted by anaelith at 2:46 AM on January 8, 2012


SMOKE POT. it increases blood flow to "the area" (I think it just increases blood flow in general) and makes me wanna go for it. I always have the best sex whilst high. (I'm a lady, age 34.)

alternatively GET PREGNANT! Had the same effect on me.

Sorry if neither of these possibilities suit you...
posted by saturn~jupiter at 3:53 AM on January 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Just realised I might have confused things with colloquial wording, ie "blue balls (gonads, whatever)".
So to make it clear, for the advice I gave above - I, too, am female.


And Saturn~jupiter has a point. Well, the first point, can't confirm the second.

(P.S. for me it magnifies the experience a little. If I am not that into someone, or find anything mildly un-sexy, I will be even less into them if stoned, or, it makes good times, good-good-good)
posted by Elysum at 5:20 AM on January 8, 2012


I'm male, but I *think* this applies to both sexes. There are two kinds of horny: horny for sex, and horny for an orgasm. If you are horny for sex, that's the classic kind of sweaty, moist, sensitive, laughing too easily at jokes, ready for action multiple times horny. Horny for an orgasm is different, you aren't all that turned on, but you could really go for the release of an orgasm nonetheless. Because you aren't all that turned on, the orgasm is difficult to achieve.
posted by gjc at 6:03 AM on January 8, 2012


Another thing that comes to mind.... "forced orgasm" is apparently a thing in some BDSM circles, which as far as I can tell is applying very intense stimulation to someone who is not aroused (maybe someone in a refractory state? not sure about that) in order to make them orgasm in spite of themselves. In a series of videos I saw, the method for doing so involved using the super-intense Hitachi vibrator.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 6:13 AM on January 8, 2012


When you orgasm do you hold your breath? Do you clench down? If so, practice steady breathing and relaxation during your orgasm. The idea is to be able to orgasm and not be holding your breath or clamping down on any muscle so that it is not so physically taxing for your body to orgasm.

This might require different kinds of stimulation than you are used to, at least at first. It may take some time if you are only used to giving yourself orgasms in certain ways.
posted by dobie at 11:14 AM on January 9, 2012


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