Planning a bunch of weddings!
December 24, 2011 2:32 PM Subscribe
Planning for the future: Maryland and same-sex marriages
With any luck, 2012 will be the year Maryland grows up and allows same-sex marriages. A friend and I were thinking of offering free wedding services on the day it becomes legal, with one of us as celebrant, one as photographer, and my friend's 4-year-old as flower girl. Our thoughts so far include handing out (real) flowers for boutonierres and (plastic) wedding rings. We would email the couples the photos, so no-one would have to give us any more identifying information than an email address --- yay for digital cameras!
Please critique this plan: tell us what we should add, and what we should delete; all suggestions are welcome. We want to add to the wedding couples' joy, not drown them in tacky!
(ps --- If you are against same-sex marriage, please note that while we respect your opinion, we do not share it.)
With any luck, 2012 will be the year Maryland grows up and allows same-sex marriages. A friend and I were thinking of offering free wedding services on the day it becomes legal, with one of us as celebrant, one as photographer, and my friend's 4-year-old as flower girl. Our thoughts so far include handing out (real) flowers for boutonierres and (plastic) wedding rings. We would email the couples the photos, so no-one would have to give us any more identifying information than an email address --- yay for digital cameras!
Please critique this plan: tell us what we should add, and what we should delete; all suggestions are welcome. We want to add to the wedding couples' joy, not drown them in tacky!
(ps --- If you are against same-sex marriage, please note that while we respect your opinion, we do not share it.)
Cookies/cake/chocolate of some sort, either made by you or purchased. I'm not sure how most people feel about homemade food from strangers these days (there's a guy who hands out cookies on the street in SF, people eat them), but chocolates shouldn't be too expensive to buy.
posted by needs more cowbell at 2:55 PM on December 24, 2011
posted by needs more cowbell at 2:55 PM on December 24, 2011
Aww, I love plastic rings! My very first suitor proposed to me with a Superman ring he'd won from a bubblegum machine. I still have it!
I was 4.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:58 PM on December 24, 2011 [2 favorites]
I was 4.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:58 PM on December 24, 2011 [2 favorites]
YOu might want to check out Improv Everywhere's Surprise Wedding project. They hit on pretty much all of the wedding tropes. (And made some people very, very happy.)
posted by BlahLaLa at 3:58 PM on December 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by BlahLaLa at 3:58 PM on December 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
Boutonierres can only be work with a suit, so you are excluding anyone that may choose to wear a dress.
Where I live, same sex marriage has been legal for ten years so it is not that big of a deal and maybe that has colourised my impression of it as something really normal. Everyone I know that has had a wedding has put some thought into it; will there really be that many people that are attracted by the a free celebrant (around here they are free/cheap, maybe they cost hundreds of dollars where you are) and free digital photos? Offering a flower girl, who the spouses do not know, just seems weird. It is almost like you think same-sex couples don't want real weddings (plastic rings, really?) with their own friends taking pictures and flower girls they know. But you mention not needing to know identifying information (you sign a blank marriage certificate/license I guess?) so maybe you are thinking of targeting people that want to secretly get married.
posted by saucysault at 5:34 PM on December 24, 2011 [2 favorites]
Where I live, same sex marriage has been legal for ten years so it is not that big of a deal and maybe that has colourised my impression of it as something really normal. Everyone I know that has had a wedding has put some thought into it; will there really be that many people that are attracted by the a free celebrant (around here they are free/cheap, maybe they cost hundreds of dollars where you are) and free digital photos? Offering a flower girl, who the spouses do not know, just seems weird. It is almost like you think same-sex couples don't want real weddings (plastic rings, really?) with their own friends taking pictures and flower girls they know. But you mention not needing to know identifying information (you sign a blank marriage certificate/license I guess?) so maybe you are thinking of targeting people that want to secretly get married.
posted by saucysault at 5:34 PM on December 24, 2011 [2 favorites]
To echo saucysault, why would this be appealing for anyone getting married? A non-pro photographer, celebrant, and flower girl are probably the easiest things to acquire in a wedding.
I find this prospect borderline offensive.
posted by k8t at 7:32 PM on December 24, 2011
I find this prospect borderline offensive.
posted by k8t at 7:32 PM on December 24, 2011
When same-sex marriage becomes legal in a new place, couples who have had non-legally-binding ceremonies, or otherwise consider themselves married and have for a long time, rush off to make things legal right away at a courthouse or the like so that they can gain the various legal protections that were previously unavailable to them. Some of those people might not be focused on the trappings of a wedding like flowers, or some might just be in a rush and not have time to throw that stuff together. And with queer people, there's always situations like this (which was posted on MetaFilter!), too.
posted by needs more cowbell at 7:58 PM on December 24, 2011
posted by needs more cowbell at 7:58 PM on December 24, 2011
In looking up the actual laws, anyone in Maryland can be a celebrant. So, unless the spouses want to be wed in a church they can choose any one of their friends to marry them. Why would they choose you? That is a serious question: have you been married for an extremely long time (so can be a good luck charm), are you a known queer rights activist, are you Elvis, is your appearance different in some way that is photogenic?
It also appears there is up to a month waiting period between appling for the licence and being able to marry, so marriage on the day the law passes may not be legally available. You do need to confirm they are who they say they are by seeing official identification.
posted by saucysault at 8:07 PM on December 24, 2011
It also appears there is up to a month waiting period between appling for the licence and being able to marry, so marriage on the day the law passes may not be legally available. You do need to confirm they are who they say they are by seeing official identification.
posted by saucysault at 8:07 PM on December 24, 2011
You should talk to MrMoonPie. He and his wife married 120 couples in the 9 months following the legalization of same-sex marriage in DC.
posted by schmod at 7:54 PM on December 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by schmod at 7:54 PM on December 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
It is a really sweet thought. I love your enthusiasm. But I have concerns/questions.
So, you want to stand outside city hall and assume people want you to do their whole ceremony on the spot? If I were getting married that would be not ideal. I totally understand that many people may feel differently! (Also as previously mentioned, there is probably a waiting period, but some may get same-day waivers maybe?)
What about standing outside city hall with smiles, supportive signs and fresh long-stemmed flowers? (No rings, nothing plastic or tacky--cheapens the whole thing, which should be beautiful and about love.) That would be what I would love to see from straight folks(which I assume you are) if I were getting married. I think most people want to plan their own weddings, even though I get that this city hall day may not be the "real" wedding... I think most straight people want the people most important to them--family, friends--to participate in their special day, rather than strangers on the street with a point-and-shoot, random toddler, and plastic toy rings. And guess what, most gay people feel the same way :)
Better yet--you can make the most difference by volunteering for the cause and recruiting your friends to do so too. Phone banking, canvassing, giving $, whatever Equality Maryland needs. Marriage equality doesn't just happen in a given year, it happens because of hard work. Don't focus on the party afterward, focus on how to get there.
posted by manicure12 at 9:27 PM on December 29, 2011
So, you want to stand outside city hall and assume people want you to do their whole ceremony on the spot? If I were getting married that would be not ideal. I totally understand that many people may feel differently! (Also as previously mentioned, there is probably a waiting period, but some may get same-day waivers maybe?)
What about standing outside city hall with smiles, supportive signs and fresh long-stemmed flowers? (No rings, nothing plastic or tacky--cheapens the whole thing, which should be beautiful and about love.) That would be what I would love to see from straight folks(which I assume you are) if I were getting married. I think most people want to plan their own weddings, even though I get that this city hall day may not be the "real" wedding... I think most straight people want the people most important to them--family, friends--to participate in their special day, rather than strangers on the street with a point-and-shoot, random toddler, and plastic toy rings. And guess what, most gay people feel the same way :)
Better yet--you can make the most difference by volunteering for the cause and recruiting your friends to do so too. Phone banking, canvassing, giving $, whatever Equality Maryland needs. Marriage equality doesn't just happen in a given year, it happens because of hard work. Don't focus on the party afterward, focus on how to get there.
posted by manicure12 at 9:27 PM on December 29, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 2:39 PM on December 24, 2011