Three countries, two brides, one wedding
February 15, 2013 2:26 AM Subscribe
We've each left our home countries to be able to be together in a third country. It's working out wonderfully, and we want to get married eventually. But how - or rather, where
posted by harujion to human relations (22 answers total)
My partner and I are both female. We're currently living in England, where the house of commons very recently approved same-sex marriage (as opposed to civil partnership). I'm from Sweden, she's from the US.
We don't have any kind of social network in the UK yet - a few friends, but pretty much everyone we want to have at our wedding, is either in the US or Sweden. There are people we love in both places who could not afford to fly internationally. My parents especially would find it very difficult to even take more than a day or two off, due to financial constraints. Sadly, we're not well enough off that we could fly people anywhere - it'll be a while before we can afford to pay for the wedding itself.
Talking about it, we discussed the idea of having one small, intimate ceremony in Sweden (where we could actually get married-married, no caveats) and then a bigger celebration of the marriage in the US - or possibly the other way around. Because it's something we want to share with the people who are important to us, and having two ceremonies, one in each of our countries, seems like it could be the best way to do that without forcing anyone to give up all their savings just to attend.
Except neither one of us know anyone who's ever done anything like that, so we don't know what kind of arrangement a post-ceremony, other-country party would look like. Is it tacky to dress up and have a second ceremony where the couple affirms vows of an already officiated marriage in front of completely new people?
Our opinions on how accepted this sort of thing is differ a bit, so I'm very keen to get feedback from as many sources as possible. Would you feel insulted to be invited to post-marriage celebration, rather than a "real" wedding? Is it weird to have technically-married people reaffirm their bond as part of such a celebration? Would it be better to just throw a big "We're married, yay!" party and not have any wedding dresses or vows or anything the second time around? I'd really love to hear what other experiences people have of international couples and their weddings! Other people have done this before us - it would be silly to reinvent the (trans-Atlantic lesbian wedding) wheel.