Is it worth being acceptive of this opportunity?
December 22, 2011 1:12 PM Subscribe
She showed interest and was very upfront, but I'm self-shooting my foot concerned. Is this worth being open to nonetheless?
Recently I met a fellow employee (Ms. S) through the local lady co-workers union (office girls group). I was introduced to her through my local co-workers in that group and was told privately that she had interest in me. I have a strong reputation with my co-workers of some 3-4 years and I apparently sparked interest just by literal word of mouth. She herself is around my age apparently and has a facemark that wouldn't let her be a model for any magazine, but she was distinctly straight forward to me in our first meeting, taking my business card and stating "I'll mail you." and she did. My first and lasting impression was that straight-talk frankness more then anything.
My worry is that in all truths I'm a gentleman with 0 friends of any level since leaving school (some 7-8 years) and though I'm not depressed and seem to (in my normal self) not think a big deal of it... When it comes to people like Ms. S or relating to people on a bigger then acquaintance level it seems very embarrassing to me. I feel I can't hide it anymore and refuse to go any deeper. I know it sounds moronic when I don't have a problem with it myself, but I have read enough mefi to know it is an easy red-flag to most women.
The additional factor to this is that Ms. S is a contractual employee residing overseas and works out of our overseas office in a entirely different division... so I will not see her again till next year probably and infrequently as we have nothing in common work wise. I have no limerence per say, but I do catch myself eagerly looking at my work mail in the morning to see if she has sent a new message. My co-workers and I have casually agreed to meet for dinner with her the next time she is in town.
I didn't not think my first serious relationship could come in a strange form of work-relation long-distance mix and I can imagine the difficulties if it became formal... but... should I be open to what this could be?
Recently I met a fellow employee (Ms. S) through the local lady co-workers union (office girls group). I was introduced to her through my local co-workers in that group and was told privately that she had interest in me. I have a strong reputation with my co-workers of some 3-4 years and I apparently sparked interest just by literal word of mouth. She herself is around my age apparently and has a facemark that wouldn't let her be a model for any magazine, but she was distinctly straight forward to me in our first meeting, taking my business card and stating "I'll mail you." and she did. My first and lasting impression was that straight-talk frankness more then anything.
My worry is that in all truths I'm a gentleman with 0 friends of any level since leaving school (some 7-8 years) and though I'm not depressed and seem to (in my normal self) not think a big deal of it... When it comes to people like Ms. S or relating to people on a bigger then acquaintance level it seems very embarrassing to me. I feel I can't hide it anymore and refuse to go any deeper. I know it sounds moronic when I don't have a problem with it myself, but I have read enough mefi to know it is an easy red-flag to most women.
The additional factor to this is that Ms. S is a contractual employee residing overseas and works out of our overseas office in a entirely different division... so I will not see her again till next year probably and infrequently as we have nothing in common work wise. I have no limerence per say, but I do catch myself eagerly looking at my work mail in the morning to see if she has sent a new message. My co-workers and I have casually agreed to meet for dinner with her the next time she is in town.
I didn't not think my first serious relationship could come in a strange form of work-relation long-distance mix and I can imagine the difficulties if it became formal... but... should I be open to what this could be?
There is nothing good about this situation, plus you don't even seem to like her much. So, no.
posted by something something at 1:25 PM on December 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by something something at 1:25 PM on December 22, 2011 [1 favorite]
They don't work together, they're just employed by the same company, in different divisions and different geographies. Be open to it, but don't go into it thinking of it as a 'serious relationship', don't commit yourself to anything other than a few of dates to see if you enjoy her company.
posted by IanMorr at 1:28 PM on December 22, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by IanMorr at 1:28 PM on December 22, 2011 [6 favorites]
Wait, first serious relationship? From what you describe, I fail to see any sort of relationship beyond some clinical overanalyzing on your part (and some clinical interest on hers). Your use of written English is a little odd, to me, so that might color my understanding of the situation, but. What is going on? Have the two of you actually done anything besides email? What are you saying to each other via email?
Standard answer: therapy might help you figure out what you want. If you want to have a relationship with this woman, then you first need to figure out what makes you so embarrassed and reticent. If you want a relationship with a woman, and this woman is merely the one that expressed an interest, then that might not work out too well in the long run.
posted by lydhre at 1:33 PM on December 22, 2011 [6 favorites]
Standard answer: therapy might help you figure out what you want. If you want to have a relationship with this woman, then you first need to figure out what makes you so embarrassed and reticent. If you want a relationship with a woman, and this woman is merely the one that expressed an interest, then that might not work out too well in the long run.
posted by lydhre at 1:33 PM on December 22, 2011 [6 favorites]
I think you're feeling drawn to her because on some level you're interested in a romantic relationship, and she's (a) somewhat available, but (b) not really. She's interested enough to seem like a relationship might be possible, but distant enough that you don't have to worry about anything really happening between you.
I think you should be open to meeting some local friends! You don't have to rule this woman out or anything, you can certainly be friendly -- but I suspect it'd be much more comfortable to interact with her if you had your own social group. And on the romantic front, if she's interested in you, you probably have other potential relationship partners who are much closer to you in terms of geography and compatibility. You just need to
posted by pie ninja at 1:34 PM on December 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
I think you should be open to meeting some local friends! You don't have to rule this woman out or anything, you can certainly be friendly -- but I suspect it'd be much more comfortable to interact with her if you had your own social group. And on the romantic front, if she's interested in you, you probably have other potential relationship partners who are much closer to you in terms of geography and compatibility. You just need to
posted by pie ninja at 1:34 PM on December 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
I was introduced to her through my local co-workers in that group and was told privately that she had interest in me. I have a strong reputation with my co-workers of some 3-4 years and I apparently sparked interest just by literal word of mouth. She herself is around my age apparently and has a facemark that wouldn't let her be a model for any magazine. . .
I have to be honest, it seems very strange to me that you bring up these details regarding you and her that don't have much to do with your actual question. Normally, this isn't a huge deal, but the nature of your comments seems telling. Why do you feel the need to tell us about your reputation with your coworkers, or the fact that she wouldn't be a model for a magazine? Are these details disproportionately important in your mind? If so, I might ask whether it's a good idea to pursue a relationship with this person, or whether I would encourage the other person to reciprocate.
posted by SpacemanStix at 1:40 PM on December 22, 2011 [10 favorites]
I have to be honest, it seems very strange to me that you bring up these details regarding you and her that don't have much to do with your actual question. Normally, this isn't a huge deal, but the nature of your comments seems telling. Why do you feel the need to tell us about your reputation with your coworkers, or the fact that she wouldn't be a model for a magazine? Are these details disproportionately important in your mind? If so, I might ask whether it's a good idea to pursue a relationship with this person, or whether I would encourage the other person to reciprocate.
posted by SpacemanStix at 1:40 PM on December 22, 2011 [10 favorites]
go find them. That last sentence was supposed to end with "go find them."
posted by pie ninja at 1:40 PM on December 22, 2011
posted by pie ninja at 1:40 PM on December 22, 2011
I'm a gentleman with 0 friends of any level since leaving school [...] When it comes to people like Ms. S or relating to people on a bigger then acquaintance level it seems very embarrassing to me. I feel I can't hide it anymore and refuse to go any deeper.
That is rather self fulfilling, isn't it?
posted by ook at 1:54 PM on December 22, 2011 [3 favorites]
That is rather self fulfilling, isn't it?
posted by ook at 1:54 PM on December 22, 2011 [3 favorites]
Based on what you've said here, it sounds to me like she's trying to befriend a colleague (you). She's taken your business card, emailed you, and has agreed to meet you and your co-workers for dinner at an undefined time and place ("next time she's in town" is very indefinite, especially if she's not based in your country). This is pretty standard networking practice.
Unless her up-front frankness was literally "I would like to date you" I'd take this as a potential acquaintance / work friendship rather than a romantic relationship, and go from there.
posted by Xany at 5:20 PM on December 22, 2011 [3 favorites]
Unless her up-front frankness was literally "I would like to date you" I'd take this as a potential acquaintance / work friendship rather than a romantic relationship, and go from there.
posted by Xany at 5:20 PM on December 22, 2011 [3 favorites]
"I didn't not think my first serious relationship [...]"
You are thinking WAY too far ahead. Go out, get to know each other and see if you enjoy each other's company. If a relationship happens, then it happens. If it doesn't, no worries. Thinking "relationship" and "serious" before you've ever gone out is a recipe for disaster.
posted by gjc at 5:31 PM on December 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
You are thinking WAY too far ahead. Go out, get to know each other and see if you enjoy each other's company. If a relationship happens, then it happens. If it doesn't, no worries. Thinking "relationship" and "serious" before you've ever gone out is a recipe for disaster.
posted by gjc at 5:31 PM on December 22, 2011 [2 favorites]
You don't have to be head over heels to date someone. Go for it, take it slow.
posted by spaltavian at 5:50 PM on December 22, 2011
posted by spaltavian at 5:50 PM on December 22, 2011
You are putting the cart before the horse here, man. I mean way, way, way, before. Nothing you've said even suggests a relationship beyond acquaintanceship. You can be open to it, if you are actually interested in some sort of relationship with her, but you are not obligated to it - friendless or not.
There is something... odd... about your writing. Perhaps you are not a native English speaker, but I'm definitely left wondering what she did that was so "forward" as to make you think she was interested in you beyond work.
posted by sm1tten at 3:41 PM on December 23, 2011
There is something... odd... about your writing. Perhaps you are not a native English speaker, but I'm definitely left wondering what she did that was so "forward" as to make you think she was interested in you beyond work.
posted by sm1tten at 3:41 PM on December 23, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by oceanjesse at 1:24 PM on December 22, 2011