I know how to X! Can I help you with that?
December 12, 2011 8:06 PM   Subscribe

What should I learn to become a better and more-helpful person?

I'd like to build a set of random, but useful skills. For example, learning CPR and first aid, knowing how to properly jump start a car, or knowing how to start a fire in any condition/materials on the first try.

What are some skills which are very useful to have in every-day life, but which are not always well-known (or are misunderstood; there's many people who "know" CPR just from seeing it on movies and TV)? I'm mostly looking for more technical skills like those above, but soft skills (like picking up on subtle cues in conversation) and general skills (like writing a quick, concise email) are also very welcome.
posted by Kippersoft to Society & Culture (36 answers total) 93 users marked this as a favorite
 
Knowing my way around Excel has been a real boon for me, both at work and at home.
posted by kitarra at 8:11 PM on December 12, 2011 [4 favorites]


Best answer: Knots! They are super useful to know how to tie and can come in handy in just about any situation.
This is a useful website that shows animated knot tying instructions!
So Many Knots!
posted by beloveddoll at 8:15 PM on December 12, 2011 [4 favorites]


Hiow to talk with anyone is a very handy skill.
posted by jcworth at 8:18 PM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]


Best answer: I always liked Heinlein's advice:

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."
posted by gauche at 8:22 PM on December 12, 2011 [15 favorites]


Can you change a tire? Read the oil dipstick? Tie a slip knot?
posted by Ideefixe at 8:25 PM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]


Best answer: Speaking a second language.
posted by tomboko at 8:27 PM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]


Best answer: Construction and repair: fix a leaky faucet, patch a drywall hole, cut a straight line of paint, see plumb and level by eye, replace a light fixture, change a tire, change engine oil, cover-up a minor scratch in a car door, fix the brakes on a kid's bike.
posted by bonehead at 8:40 PM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]


Jumpstarting a car is a lot more likely to be helpful than CPR. Same goes for changing a tire. How to do lots of basic computer stuff.
posted by J. Wilson at 8:42 PM on December 12, 2011


Best answer: Honestly, in this day and age, I'd say:

The bag of rice trick for cellphones that have fallen in water.

Basic computer repair for your platform of choice. Software and hardware. You don't have to be a programmer, but know how to do advanced-basic things like format a hard drive, reinstall an operating system, clean up a spyware infestation.

Basic car things like being able to check the oil, change a tire, jumpstart a car (the time I jumpstarted a guy's $100,000 SUV with my little Honda and he looked at me like I was a wizard was quite satisfying), and do emergency-type repairs. Learning how to change your own oil would be a nice step up and might save you some money if you're so inclined.

Learn how to use the basic hand tools you'd get in a good-sized tool box. Some basic power tools would be a step up, if you're inclined to expand your repertoire. Basic DIY/Home repair stuff would also be handy (I'm thinking less "How to build a deck" and more "How to get a broken lightbulb out of the socket").

Basic first aid. I covered this in Cub Scouts and it amazes me the number of people who don't know it.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 8:45 PM on December 12, 2011


The whole fixing-stuff category (most computery stuff here; Ghostride said it nicely, but also a little plumbing, bicycles, whatever). We rely on machines, they can be kind of interesting, and ideally we'd have a basic understanding of how those that we use work. Not everyone can have a ready solution to all simple problems, given the extent of our reliance, but, in the same spirit of helpfulness that I think you're talking about, it's good to distribute this knowledge in such a way that, for any simple "mechanical" problem one has, one knows at least one person who is likely to be able to solve it. Find a type of machine that you use a lot anyway, and learn how to maintain it really well. This will at minimum make your life easier and cheaper, and it's likely that someone else will need your skills at some point.

It's even better if you learn this type of skill and pass it along to someone at the same time you help them. A friend of mine lowered the action on my first guitar for me; I've now done it on other cars, having watched him, so his help had extra lasting value, for example.

This reminds me of the fact that, when I fly internationally, on the way home I almost always end up helping a non-English speaker navigate a Canadian customs form. Maybe, if you are into that sort of thing, it might be worth knowing some more advanced bureaucracy-handling techniques. For example, the people I know who take a lot of tax deductions end up having Tax Form Ninja Skills and helping others. This type of skill is probably more likely to be helpful, and way less awesome than, my aforementioned friend's Ninja Luthiery.

Come to think of it, actual Ninja Skills, maybe, so that, in the event of the apocalypse, you can be one of the people with a horde of followers subject to your protection.
posted by kengraham at 8:58 PM on December 12, 2011


Fixing a toilet will never lose you friends.
posted by raccoon409 at 9:01 PM on December 12, 2011 [3 favorites]


You should have one deceptively simple food item (preferably a dessert) that you're able to execute perfectly and quickly for those times when you have emergency guests or have to go to a party and bring something.

You'd be surprised how often this situation has come up in my life.
posted by phunniemee at 9:01 PM on December 12, 2011 [4 favorites]


Notary public!
(is that a even skill? there is a test involved...)

I want to get certified, just for the off-chance that I am a party and a friend suddenly says, "oh no! I forgot to get X notarized! I needed it before Monday!" Then I can swoop in and save the day.
posted by vivid postcard at 9:04 PM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]


Best answer: Totally agree for the emergency party food/guests thing. Super helpful. Having tools that you know how to use, likewise (use a potato for the stuck lightbulb). I am a lifeguard, but the most important thing about that isn't so much knowing CPR (though that is useful) but First Aid and knowing how to stay cool when someone has been hurt or is sick. Know how to turn the water and the power to your house on and off. Know how to find and flip circuit breakers. Know your way around all remote controls.

On the manners side, know how to write, address and send a sincere thank you note or condolence note. I had a death in my family recently and was touched how many people wrote me sincere notes of condolence. Email is great, paper mail makes an impression. Know how to go to a party where you don't know people and not only have a good time but make people say "Gee we're happy we invited Kippersoft, he put our guests at ease and told funny stories and helped with the dishes" [or whatever].

Know how to tie a few kinds of tie, cook a few kinds of meat, drive a few kinds of vehicle [motorcycle, snowmobile, car, truck, bus] and play a few kinds of games. Know how to pitch a tent and sleep outside in the winter or in the summer. Know how to hang a hammock. Know how to get a car out of a few bad situations [stuck in mud, slipping on ice, gone off the road into a ditch] and know how to drive defensively. I'm sure there are a ton more. I'd start with the ones you can practice. Write those thank you notes!
posted by jessamyn at 9:24 PM on December 12, 2011 [13 favorites]


Best answer: Donate blood without fainting, drive a tractor of some sort, nthing knots and ties - with bonus points for a bow tie. Be the designated driver and really live up to what that means. You're not just saving the lives of your friends, but other folks on the road, too. This means being able to drive stick shift.

Brownies are my super impressive to most folks but only takes 45 minutes tops to throw together. Have some nice chocolate around all the time for that. Stretching a meal from 2 to 4 servings, or from 4 to 6. In case someone stops by unexpectedly, or there is some kind of neighborhood thing and someone needs help. You can do this by adding rice or pasta or an extra vegetable or thinning a soup with cream or extra stock, or baking a few potatoes with a super quick microwave method, or other foodstuff additions to a meal.

Reading to children and otherwise entertaining them. I cannot tell you how grateful frazzled mothers sometimes are when I spontaneously play peek-a-boo with their antsy toddlers in line at stores. Have a few word games you like to play for the older crowd, I like the Ambassador's Cat myself, but there are others. Do this in a way that is respectful of the parents. They really are just tired after a long day and the kids aren't monsters. Remind the mom that it's just been a long day, and it will improve with a nap. Being kind to children is also good at large grown up type events where it's not about the kid, but the kid doesn't get that. (stuffy weddings, I'm looking at YOU!)

Be able to give directions in your neighborhood to a bank, a gas station, and whatever big landmarks there that might be of interest (I apologize if you're in NYC), if strangers don't stop you on the street to ask, you'll be glad you know when you have out of town guests and you don't just have to dig around in the autopilot of your brain.

The biggest thing, I think, is learning when not helping is actually the most helpful thing you can do. By that, I mean...does someone just want you to listen for a minute? Or do they want help making a plan? Or do they have a plan and want help implementing it? You can ask these three questions, rather than relying on your judgment, but be prepared to ask gently and kindly and not in a "like, really, what are you whining at me for?" type of tone. Practice the gently and kindly.

Tutor. Whether it's reading or math or life skills or, well, anything, there is an organization near you that needs more people who can commit to an hour or two a week for a great cause.

Keep track of the addresses of your friends. You can send that condolence card, welcome baby gift or whatever in at least three fewer steps if you don't have to track down the address. Trying to remember if Suzie lives in Denver now is not what you want to be doing when you hear something through the grapevine.

Public speaking. You never know when you might get called on to give a few words. (granted, this is one of my passions, so I'm always secretly hoping to get called on to give a few words.)
posted by bilabial at 10:31 PM on December 12, 2011 [3 favorites]


This is pretty basic, but knowing how to do some simple sewing tasks has proved repeatedly helpful. Nothing difficult, simple things like sewing on a button, or fixing a small hole in a shirt or something. It doesn't have to be perfect or even look all that good; most people are impressed if you can take needle and thread and make a finicky button stay on.
posted by FakePalindrome at 10:55 PM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]


What should I learn to become a better and more-helpful person?"

I am a man of many skills... but the ones that matter most are obviously what you should prioritize. So, which of my skills are considered most useful, as far as the others in my life are concerned?

- cooking
- housework
- making excellent coffee / tea / mixed drinks
- being a good listener
- being a skilled speaker
- being strong and tall. (If you're not tall, get a good ladder, a quality portable hand truck, carry a flashlight/leatherman, and consider the merits of exercise.)
- owning basic tools... and knowing how to use them.
- being calm and methodical, when everything goes apesh*t.
- being able to schmooze/negotiate/create win-win situations, without being loud, unreasonable, or flashy.
- being able to troubleshoot problems. (No matter what it is, most of the important steps tend to be similar. Learn and apply them!)
- calculating tips in my head (Move the decimal point over one place... then half again.)
- cultivating diverse interests in music, art, literature, etc.

And, in all seriousness, make sure you know about how to give oral sex and how to masturbate a partner to orgasm... ideally in a way that doesn't rub them raw. So many guys don't do this, thinking that their penis will do all the work. Um... don't bet on it. When it comes to orgasms: women first!

Oh, and learn knots. The basics, sure... but you might want to learn Texas handcuffs, just in case.
posted by markkraft at 12:00 AM on December 13, 2011


How to use a sewing machine. How to fix a toilet lever and valve. How to trim a man's hair. How to molly into drywall and anchor into brick. How to tie a trucker's hitch. How to frame a picture. How to make a Manhattan.
posted by nicwolff at 3:45 AM on December 13, 2011


From the green, on keeping cool in an emergency:

Here I come to save the day
Grace under fire
Being Winston Wolf For Dummies
posted by MonkeyToes at 4:15 AM on December 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Read Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior.
posted by tel3path at 4:52 AM on December 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Helpful a few times a year, depending on your customs: carving a turkey.
posted by knile at 5:07 AM on December 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


I came back to second tel3path: Miss Manners will give you a framework for how to be polite and generous with others in social situations. That is the very book.
posted by gauche at 5:51 AM on December 13, 2011


This isn't exactly a skill set, but if you have an office job, stocking a good emergency-plus supply kit in a desk drawer is truly helpful and will win you all kinds of gratitude. I keep all of the following around, and I've been asked for every one of them: band-aids and antibiotic ointment, tampons, vending machine change, replacement eyeglass screws, OTC pain relievers and digestive aids, safety pins, postage stamps, a set of silverware, a can opener, a mini sewing kit, a bottle opener, a good flashlight, a measuring tape, batteries, a small basic tool kit, packing tape, and chocolate.

If you can also explain the difference between e.g. and i.e. and give a really good neck and shoulder massage, you will achieve a reputation out of all proportion to your abilities.
posted by timeo danaos at 6:11 AM on December 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Understand that other people are not you and their idea of "help" may not be your idea of help.

Good luck. This is a great project.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 6:48 AM on December 13, 2011


Best answer: 1st aid & health - know Heimlich maneuver, cpr, how to stop bleeding, deal with shock, when to move someone or not, clear an airway. Take the Red Cross 1st aid course. Keep a variety of bandaids and 1st aid supplies on hand, know signs of heart attack and stroke. Know when to call the doctor and/or go to ER.

Cooking - Make bread, soup from leftovers, de-bone chicken, make stock from the turkey carcass, peel vegetables of all sorts, make salad dressing. Have a couple of go-to meals for dinner, including something for potluck.

Cars - change tire, read dipstick, understand car components and maintenance schedules, know what's urgent, and what can wait, i.e. squeaky belt can wait, sketchy headgasket can't. Change windshield wipers, clean battery terminals unfreeze a lock(Can you tell I live in Maine). Know how to assess a used car - understand that a car can have a timing belt that needs maintenance, or not. know how to connect a trailer to the trailer hitch. Bonus: be able to back up a trailer.

Knots - know square knot vs. granny, bowline (really useful) slipknot, half-hitch. Know how to tie stuff to a car roof. (I have amazed people with what I will put on my roof, and I'm nowhere near the antique-dealer uncle who taught me. The only thing that came off was a roof-rack, once. heh.) Know how to move stuff without hurting yourself, including using straps, and 2 wheeler. Know enough not to be macho, and keep a healthy back.

All the Miss Manners books are worth reading. She's very funny and wise.

Home - fix a toilet, find water shutoffs, keep pipes from freezing/deal with a frozen pipe,

Outdoors - start a fire, stack wood, pitch a tent, grow herbs and/or vegetables, mow a lawn, basic lawnmower maintenance.

Math - calculate tips, buy the better cost-per-ounce, be bale to estimate well enough to know if somebody else's math is correct.

Kindness, Friendship, Citizenship - know how to listen to candidates, read the ballot initiatives, and vote intelligently. Know how and when to listen, and how to be kind in a cynical, snarky world. Know how to be a good friend, including staying in touch and forgiving and apologizing, as needed.

Know how to be a person who is always learning, your whole life.

So much great stuff in this thread. It's a really good question.
posted by theora55 at 7:10 AM on December 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


Know how to drive a manual/stick-shift car.
posted by Leezie at 7:20 AM on December 13, 2011 [4 favorites]


Sometimes it's also a matter of what you have as well as what you know.

My ultimate "good-samaritan" moment came when I was on my way home from work and a woman walking up the stairs just ahead of me stumbled really badly, did a face-plant on the cement stairs and knocked one of her own teeth out. I was one of three people who stopped to offer help.

But my secret weapon was that I was on my way home after a rehearsal, and had my stage manager's kit -- a.k.a., "The TARDIS" -- with me. So I was able to do this:

"Ooh, goodness, let's help you out -- okay, first let me get the first aid kit out: okay, here's some gauze for the bleeding, and a couple of antibacterial wipes to clean up some -- wait, lemme give you a couple of plain Wet-Wipes out of this pocket...oh, you have a tear in your skirt too? Okay, I've got a couple safety pins here...Oh, we found the tooth, great! Well, I don't have any ice, but maybe this insta-cold pack out of the first aid kit will help...And hey, here's a Hershey's Kiss from my first aid kit -- one of the actors in my show is diabetic -- lemme give you this for later, it'll cheer you up. So now you need an ER -- wait, I've got a copy of the Not For Tourists guide in my other pocket here, let's look up -- oh, good, you're about two blocks from St. Vincent's ER, they'll be able to help you out, I'm sure. Do you need someone to walk you there?...Oh, YOU guys will? Great -- oh, okay, here's where it is on the map, so you'd just go up the stairs there and hang a left, you can't miss it. Oh, here's something to put the tooth and the Insta-Cold pack in. Don't forget the Hershey's kiss. And here, some extra Kleenex. No, don't worry about returning the safety pins, I've got plenty. Good luck."

If you always carry around a camping first-aid kit, a small sewing kit, and a couple of pocket reference books (I have the Not For Tourists guide and something that's a table of weights and measures and conversions), they can come in VERY handy.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:15 AM on December 13, 2011 [6 favorites]


markkraft's advice is good - except this:

- calculating tips in my head (Move the decimal point over one place... then half again.)

I think you mean double them, not half, right? (Doubling would create a 20% tip, halving would create a 5% tip.)
posted by nosila at 8:59 AM on December 13, 2011


- calculating tips in my head (Move the decimal point over one place... then half again.)

I think you mean double them, not half, right? (Doubling would create a 20% tip, halving would create a 5% tip.)


I think markkraft meant to take 10% and add 5% ("then half again") for a 15% tip.
posted by dywypi at 9:08 AM on December 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


I see jumpstart a car many places here, but (in addition to Leezie's 'learn to drive a manual transmission') learn to pushstart one. It's rare that it comes in handy, but when it does you might as well be freaking Batman. Jumpstarting a car you at least have another car to work with. Pushstarting a car you have nothing, and you still get it done.
posted by dirtdirt at 11:46 AM on December 13, 2011


Know how to tell a good story. Useful in all kinds of situations- passing time, easing anxiety, distracting people, also very important in its own right in many cultures.

Know at least a couple of funny, clean jokes.
posted by kamikazegopher at 3:01 PM on December 13, 2011 [1 favorite]


How to sew on a button and re-stitch a seam that's coming apart. These skills are Sewing 101 and come in handy all the time.
posted by epj at 3:38 PM on December 13, 2011


Have a bottle opener on your keyring. Or learn how to open a beer bottle on whatever convenient hard edge is around.

I personally, have a small multitool on my keyring - it is super useful, and allows me to be really helpful. I also carry a notepad and a pen in my bag. My phone has a torch, but before it did, I had a small LED torch. It's allowed me to be very helpful on a number of occasions.

Know how to change a car tire.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 3:45 PM on December 13, 2011


Take a first aid class and a lifesaving class. Always carry a flashlight.

And weightlifting will make you stronger for all of the stuff mentioned above.
posted by jgirl at 6:43 PM on December 13, 2011


Learn to give accurate instructions or information concisely. In an emergency your heart will be pounding, adrenaline will be flowing and it will take even more brain power to figure out how to instruct others in a way that they understand.

Practice this ALL the time. When giving directions to a party, when confirming what everyone wants from the beer run, or even explaining how to help set the table. When the time comes, the skill will be ingrained so that you can use all of your new helpful skills in a productive way.

For example, my girlfriend shut my hand in the car door a few weeks ago. Instead of yelling I calmly told her that she needed to unlock the door and open the door. Now.

By being calm and concise, I put the processing burden on me and she only had to respond to my request. If I had yowled in pain and yelled at her she would have had to figure out what was happening and then figure out what to do about it THEN react.
posted by JimmyJames at 10:24 AM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


Patience.
posted by n o i s e s at 2:41 PM on December 15, 2011


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