Trying to Find My Way
November 23, 2011 8:24 AM Subscribe
In a dark place, emotionally. Not ready to graduate, but not ready to continue with school. Help me figure out what to do.
Background Information:
-I am close to completing my Communications degree; I have three courses left in order to obtain a four year general degree and more than five courses in order to complete an honours degree
-My average is three percent higher than what’s required for a general degree and two percent lower than what’s required for an honours degree
-I have talked to a professional on campus and she has told me that we can make an appeal so that I can get an honours degree if my average for Communications is just a few marks off
-I have been in school for eleven semesters in a row and I’m physically exhausted and emotionally in a terrible place because of a variety of factors both school and non-school related
-I also need to be enrolled as a student in order to continue getting help from the learning strategist, psychiatrist, doctors, and counselor
Recent Information:
I really need some guidance because I’m at a loss about what I should do. I am currently enrolled to take three more courses next semester and they fall on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s from 8:30am-3:30pm which seems like a great idea, but I’m emotionally in a terrible place and I’m physically exhausted.
I know that taking eight months off before the Fall term (starts in September) would be a wise idea because I am beyond miserable at this point in my life, and I don’t know how to be in a classroom setting right now. I rarely attend class, I haven’t done any reading this semester, and I haven’t learned anything from my courses. I also feel very overwhelmed and depressed about being in a classroom setting to the point where other people have noticed and told a friend of mine that I seem ‘off’ and that I’m socially awkward and that they don’t know how to deal with me.
My friend told me that I really need to take time off from school and put my mental health first. She told me that it would be a detriment to my mental health if I stayed in school right now. I agree, and I know that I would be in a terrible place to the point where nobody would recognize me and even more people would steer away from me. My friend sees through me and knows that I want to leave everything behind in order to have a fresh start, but she doesn’t think this is wise for me because I’m emotionally in a terrible place and need to do some more growing as a person. She also thinks that placing myself in a new environment would be a detriment to my health.
I agree with her, but that leaves me at a loss for what I should do next. My initial plan was to push through it and finish the three courses next semester even if it means staying in school for twelve semesters in a row. I want to leave everything behind, but I know that moving to a new environment is the last thing that I should do based on the emotional state that I’m in. I am not ready to start any career right now and I don’t want to be in school right now either. I don’t think I’ll want to pursue school later anyways, but that doesn’t leave me with a lot of things that I can do.
Help guide me in terms of my next steps because clearly I shouldn’t be in school right now even if I want to get things over with, I shouldn’t be moving to a new environment right now despite how much I want to live in a new and exciting city, and I shouldn’t’ be starting a career right now because that would backfire miserably. It’s hard for me to accept the fact that I need time off from school, but I know that I will be a complete wreck next semester if I choose to stay in school. So, I don't really know what actions I need to take in order to grow more as a person, what to do with my time off, and how beneficial it would actually be for me, considering that I would be taking a break (8 month break) near the end of my academic career.
Throwaway email address: findingmypath3@gmail.com
Background Information:
-I am close to completing my Communications degree; I have three courses left in order to obtain a four year general degree and more than five courses in order to complete an honours degree
-My average is three percent higher than what’s required for a general degree and two percent lower than what’s required for an honours degree
-I have talked to a professional on campus and she has told me that we can make an appeal so that I can get an honours degree if my average for Communications is just a few marks off
-I have been in school for eleven semesters in a row and I’m physically exhausted and emotionally in a terrible place because of a variety of factors both school and non-school related
-I also need to be enrolled as a student in order to continue getting help from the learning strategist, psychiatrist, doctors, and counselor
Recent Information:
I really need some guidance because I’m at a loss about what I should do. I am currently enrolled to take three more courses next semester and they fall on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s from 8:30am-3:30pm which seems like a great idea, but I’m emotionally in a terrible place and I’m physically exhausted.
I know that taking eight months off before the Fall term (starts in September) would be a wise idea because I am beyond miserable at this point in my life, and I don’t know how to be in a classroom setting right now. I rarely attend class, I haven’t done any reading this semester, and I haven’t learned anything from my courses. I also feel very overwhelmed and depressed about being in a classroom setting to the point where other people have noticed and told a friend of mine that I seem ‘off’ and that I’m socially awkward and that they don’t know how to deal with me.
My friend told me that I really need to take time off from school and put my mental health first. She told me that it would be a detriment to my mental health if I stayed in school right now. I agree, and I know that I would be in a terrible place to the point where nobody would recognize me and even more people would steer away from me. My friend sees through me and knows that I want to leave everything behind in order to have a fresh start, but she doesn’t think this is wise for me because I’m emotionally in a terrible place and need to do some more growing as a person. She also thinks that placing myself in a new environment would be a detriment to my health.
I agree with her, but that leaves me at a loss for what I should do next. My initial plan was to push through it and finish the three courses next semester even if it means staying in school for twelve semesters in a row. I want to leave everything behind, but I know that moving to a new environment is the last thing that I should do based on the emotional state that I’m in. I am not ready to start any career right now and I don’t want to be in school right now either. I don’t think I’ll want to pursue school later anyways, but that doesn’t leave me with a lot of things that I can do.
Help guide me in terms of my next steps because clearly I shouldn’t be in school right now even if I want to get things over with, I shouldn’t be moving to a new environment right now despite how much I want to live in a new and exciting city, and I shouldn’t’ be starting a career right now because that would backfire miserably. It’s hard for me to accept the fact that I need time off from school, but I know that I will be a complete wreck next semester if I choose to stay in school. So, I don't really know what actions I need to take in order to grow more as a person, what to do with my time off, and how beneficial it would actually be for me, considering that I would be taking a break (8 month break) near the end of my academic career.
Throwaway email address: findingmypath3@gmail.com
If you're seeing doctors and counselors associated with your school, you should ask them for help and advice. They should be able to help you come up with a plan that will help preserve and bolster your mental health, while maintaining access to services you need and the degree you eventually hope to earn. They know much more than we do about your individual situation and the resources that are available to you. Please ask them for help.
posted by decathecting at 8:30 AM on November 23, 2011
posted by decathecting at 8:30 AM on November 23, 2011
Personally, I would see through it and finish what you started. Like you said, you are already 11 semesters in, and if you quit now then what was it all for? Even if you fail to learn anything - you at least get some closure and a 4 year degree with a nice piece of paper. I tend to think that if you leave now with the degree unfinished, you may never come back, so it’s better to keep the path and see it through til the end. It is hard to start the ball rolling again once it has stopped.
The mental health can be worked on. Seek counselors, doctors, support groups, etc. Not knowing anything else of what may be causing your mental breakdown, I would maybe start exercising. Though it seems to have nothing to do with anything, it can have great effects on your other parts of life. It relieves stress, produces endorphins (happiness feelings), makes you feel more confident, and could quite possibly give you a new outlook on your situation. A good morning jog with your favorite music in the morning can change any person’s day.
This is all subjective as a random internet reader and should be taken with a grain of salt as you would obviously know best. You got what it takes. Make some goals up on what you are going to do after you finish your degree. Give yourself some direction to get excited about. Go backpacking the week after you finish to give yourself a reward for sticking it out. Good luck.
posted by amazingstill at 11:00 AM on November 23, 2011
The mental health can be worked on. Seek counselors, doctors, support groups, etc. Not knowing anything else of what may be causing your mental breakdown, I would maybe start exercising. Though it seems to have nothing to do with anything, it can have great effects on your other parts of life. It relieves stress, produces endorphins (happiness feelings), makes you feel more confident, and could quite possibly give you a new outlook on your situation. A good morning jog with your favorite music in the morning can change any person’s day.
This is all subjective as a random internet reader and should be taken with a grain of salt as you would obviously know best. You got what it takes. Make some goals up on what you are going to do after you finish your degree. Give yourself some direction to get excited about. Go backpacking the week after you finish to give yourself a reward for sticking it out. Good luck.
posted by amazingstill at 11:00 AM on November 23, 2011
Can you remain enrolled in school and just do an internship or independent study for next semester? Give yourself a virtual breather. Or take a light load, maybe music appreciation or color theory or yoga, if your school offers those. If you can take any courses pass/fail (get the credit but not have it affect your average), that can be a stress-reducer too.
posted by xo at 11:37 AM on November 23, 2011
posted by xo at 11:37 AM on November 23, 2011
p.s. Also consider whether you need the Honors part, depending on how you plan to use your degree. I have a BA in Comm also, did the Honors (a thesis, in my case), and found the Honors didn't matter a bit to my subsequent career in film/tv, which is an industry based on long hours, specialized software training, and networking.
posted by xo at 11:40 AM on November 23, 2011
posted by xo at 11:40 AM on November 23, 2011
I'm tempted to say push through it and stay very close to your therapists and other support networks. Once you leave school it can be extremely hard to finish, and that degree will make a huge difference in your life.
Don't worry about getting the Honors degree. Honestly, it will make much less of a difference in your life than not having a degree at all.
How long of a break do you get for Christmas? If it's a source of stress to you, is there any way you could just hunker down alone somewhere to recharge for a week or two? That may be enough to get you through the last semester.
You sound terribly burnt out, and I feel for you. Hang in there.
posted by elizeh at 5:14 PM on November 23, 2011
Don't worry about getting the Honors degree. Honestly, it will make much less of a difference in your life than not having a degree at all.
How long of a break do you get for Christmas? If it's a source of stress to you, is there any way you could just hunker down alone somewhere to recharge for a week or two? That may be enough to get you through the last semester.
You sound terribly burnt out, and I feel for you. Hang in there.
posted by elizeh at 5:14 PM on November 23, 2011
I really think you should take a relaxing break for Christmas and then come back determined to finish. I know it sounds hard but I think that leaving it right now, especially since you seem traumatised by class, would make you very reluctant to come back.
Maybe you feel like it is useless since you are not learning anything and are not attending class? But just because you are knee deep right now doesn't mean that you can't start afresh next semester and get it over with. A semester can go by very quickly.
I don't think it will be a good idea for you to take time off in the state that you are in since you are so close to finishing and anxious to get out and move to a new place. If you wait until the fall you will have to postpone that even longer and it will probably make you feel even more discouraged.
I agree that you should take some relaxing classes or find some way to enjoy and nurture yourself so that you can have a balance between stressing over finishing, and keeping mentally healthy.
posted by costanza at 1:14 PM on November 24, 2011
Maybe you feel like it is useless since you are not learning anything and are not attending class? But just because you are knee deep right now doesn't mean that you can't start afresh next semester and get it over with. A semester can go by very quickly.
I don't think it will be a good idea for you to take time off in the state that you are in since you are so close to finishing and anxious to get out and move to a new place. If you wait until the fall you will have to postpone that even longer and it will probably make you feel even more discouraged.
I agree that you should take some relaxing classes or find some way to enjoy and nurture yourself so that you can have a balance between stressing over finishing, and keeping mentally healthy.
posted by costanza at 1:14 PM on November 24, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by xingcat at 8:27 AM on November 23, 2011