I failed at internet dating.
October 14, 2011 3:30 PM Subscribe
internet dating etiquette filter: reinstating abandoned communications, and dating multiple people at once
Okay, so in the beginning of September I moved to a new city. I'm 23, female, not a lot of dating experience. In an effort to meet people, I set up an online dating profile about a month before I moved listing my location as my new city. Got lots of responses, but was really only interested enough in four of the guys to have an ongoing correspondence with them. Exchanged probably around 50 messages with guy A, and then maybe a dozen (but longer) with two other guys, and then a couple with a fourth.
Moved here, met Guy A within the first week I moved, liked him and have been on maybe 7-8 dates with him over the past month. We've never talked about being exclusive. I've had sex with him a few times.
Because I liked guy A, I couldn't get too excited about having a lot of stressful first dates with lots of other people. I basically stopped logging into the site, and because of that dropped communication with the other three guys I'd been emailing... not necessarily intentionally, more like I was saying "well, lets see where things go with guy A now that I've been on a few dates with him" and then all of a sudden it had been three weeks and I wasn't sure what to say if I emailed guys B, C and D.
Now, about six weeks later, I still really like and enjoy being around guy A, but he works full time (and does some side jobs) and goes to school full time, and is in the process of studying for mcats and applying to med school, and I dunno if he genuinely doesn't have time or just doesn't have time for me, but either way I'm only seeing him maybe once a week lately and he's been pretty flaky in the past few weeks, although he still tells me he wants to see me. This past week he's been sick so I'm trying to cut him some slack, but it seems likely that this won't last too much longer and I'm kind of wishing I'd followed through with these other guys.
So... first question is: is reinstating my conversation with these other guys still a feasible option? Would an apologetic message and an invitation to hang out like six weeks after the last message be okay or just kind of an added 'fuck you'? If I did send the messages, what would I say... should I be totally honest about the situation, or just say I was busy? One guy has visited my profile a couple times in the last few weeks, another sent me a followup email. First question part B: if I should just forget about dating these other guys, should I still send a courtesy "sorry for disappearing, this was why, good luck" type email or just leave well enough alone?
Second question: Is it (ethically) okay to start dating another person if you've been dating another guy for five weeks? To either of them? I've never really concurrently dated people before and the whole idea makes me feel a little guilty. If I liked any of these other guys enough to start having sex with them, I'd break things off with Guy A, but for now I'd still like to see where things are going with him.
Third question (and this maybe deserves it's own askme, but I'd still like thoughts): Is it worth trying to pursue a relationship with a guy who is as busy as Guy A? Because I do like him. I just can't really picture how it will ever be anything more than me getting wedged into his schedule somewhere and never really seeing him enough to actually get to know him in any meaningful way. But maybe I'm wrong. He'll be graduating undergrad in December, so things might get better, but I don't know... What are people's experiences with this kind of situation?
Okay, so in the beginning of September I moved to a new city. I'm 23, female, not a lot of dating experience. In an effort to meet people, I set up an online dating profile about a month before I moved listing my location as my new city. Got lots of responses, but was really only interested enough in four of the guys to have an ongoing correspondence with them. Exchanged probably around 50 messages with guy A, and then maybe a dozen (but longer) with two other guys, and then a couple with a fourth.
Moved here, met Guy A within the first week I moved, liked him and have been on maybe 7-8 dates with him over the past month. We've never talked about being exclusive. I've had sex with him a few times.
Because I liked guy A, I couldn't get too excited about having a lot of stressful first dates with lots of other people. I basically stopped logging into the site, and because of that dropped communication with the other three guys I'd been emailing... not necessarily intentionally, more like I was saying "well, lets see where things go with guy A now that I've been on a few dates with him" and then all of a sudden it had been three weeks and I wasn't sure what to say if I emailed guys B, C and D.
Now, about six weeks later, I still really like and enjoy being around guy A, but he works full time (and does some side jobs) and goes to school full time, and is in the process of studying for mcats and applying to med school, and I dunno if he genuinely doesn't have time or just doesn't have time for me, but either way I'm only seeing him maybe once a week lately and he's been pretty flaky in the past few weeks, although he still tells me he wants to see me. This past week he's been sick so I'm trying to cut him some slack, but it seems likely that this won't last too much longer and I'm kind of wishing I'd followed through with these other guys.
So... first question is: is reinstating my conversation with these other guys still a feasible option? Would an apologetic message and an invitation to hang out like six weeks after the last message be okay or just kind of an added 'fuck you'? If I did send the messages, what would I say... should I be totally honest about the situation, or just say I was busy? One guy has visited my profile a couple times in the last few weeks, another sent me a followup email. First question part B: if I should just forget about dating these other guys, should I still send a courtesy "sorry for disappearing, this was why, good luck" type email or just leave well enough alone?
Second question: Is it (ethically) okay to start dating another person if you've been dating another guy for five weeks? To either of them? I've never really concurrently dated people before and the whole idea makes me feel a little guilty. If I liked any of these other guys enough to start having sex with them, I'd break things off with Guy A, but for now I'd still like to see where things are going with him.
Third question (and this maybe deserves it's own askme, but I'd still like thoughts): Is it worth trying to pursue a relationship with a guy who is as busy as Guy A? Because I do like him. I just can't really picture how it will ever be anything more than me getting wedged into his schedule somewhere and never really seeing him enough to actually get to know him in any meaningful way. But maybe I'm wrong. He'll be graduating undergrad in December, so things might get better, but I don't know... What are people's experiences with this kind of situation?
Would an apologetic message and an invitation to hang out like six weeks after the last message be okay or just kind of an added 'fuck you'?
I would be fine with this. I've done it to people and had it done to me. Just say you've been away from the site for a while, no need to really explain. Actually, I'd probably even be a little flattered that you came back to me.
Is it (ethically) okay to start dating another person if you've been dating another guy for five weeks?
I would say yes, it's fine, but I might be in the minority there. I think if he wants exclusivity it's his prerogative to bring up the topic.
Is it worth trying to pursue a relationship with a guy who is as busy as Guy A?
Who knows. Give it another month. If he's not willing to make the time for you, you should look after yourself.
posted by auto-correct at 3:45 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
I would be fine with this. I've done it to people and had it done to me. Just say you've been away from the site for a while, no need to really explain. Actually, I'd probably even be a little flattered that you came back to me.
Is it (ethically) okay to start dating another person if you've been dating another guy for five weeks?
I would say yes, it's fine, but I might be in the minority there. I think if he wants exclusivity it's his prerogative to bring up the topic.
Is it worth trying to pursue a relationship with a guy who is as busy as Guy A?
Who knows. Give it another month. If he's not willing to make the time for you, you should look after yourself.
posted by auto-correct at 3:45 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
Put yourself in their shoes! I would apologize and say you were seeing another guy, but didn't work out (keep it really brief). Honesty is the best policy, and mature people will understand.
I don't think you should spread yourself too thin. Nobody likes sending & receiving lots of messages and thinking they will go on a date, only be dropped. Go on dates much sooner. That is, after ~3-4 exchanges since dating takes place in real life and not over the internet. By keeping the number of dating prospects manageable you will be able to make them a priority and get to know them better.
It's fine to date multiple people, but full disclosure before having sex with someone is a good idea.
posted by Mr. Papagiorgio at 3:47 PM on October 14, 2011
I don't think you should spread yourself too thin. Nobody likes sending & receiving lots of messages and thinking they will go on a date, only be dropped. Go on dates much sooner. That is, after ~3-4 exchanges since dating takes place in real life and not over the internet. By keeping the number of dating prospects manageable you will be able to make them a priority and get to know them better.
It's fine to date multiple people, but full disclosure before having sex with someone is a good idea.
posted by Mr. Papagiorgio at 3:47 PM on October 14, 2011
1) Go for it. If you do any kind of apology, stick to "I haven't logged on since moving, but I really would like to keep talking to you/meet you/etc." If they don't message you back, so what?
2) You haven't had an exclusivity talk, so yes. I find that people who date online expect you to not be exclusive. If you're really concerned about it, you could talk to guy A about it, but really you don't owe it to him unless you're planning on sleeping with multiple people at once. Then you're putting them at risk for STDs and you should make sure they know.
3) Eh... really hard to say. It may be that he's too busy for dating at all right now. It may be that he's still got time to party with friends, but not enough time for you. I'd say follow your instincts. I've gotten into trouble in the dating world only when I ignored my instincts about how into me a guy was/wasn't.
posted by DoubleLune at 3:50 PM on October 14, 2011
2) You haven't had an exclusivity talk, so yes. I find that people who date online expect you to not be exclusive. If you're really concerned about it, you could talk to guy A about it, but really you don't owe it to him unless you're planning on sleeping with multiple people at once. Then you're putting them at risk for STDs and you should make sure they know.
3) Eh... really hard to say. It may be that he's too busy for dating at all right now. It may be that he's still got time to party with friends, but not enough time for you. I'd say follow your instincts. I've gotten into trouble in the dating world only when I ignored my instincts about how into me a guy was/wasn't.
posted by DoubleLune at 3:50 PM on October 14, 2011
You can date who and whatever you want as long as you don't lie or mislead anyone.
There is nothing wrong with getting back in touch.
Have fun and best of luck.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 3:51 PM on October 14, 2011
There is nothing wrong with getting back in touch.
Have fun and best of luck.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 3:51 PM on October 14, 2011
Don't make this harder than it needs to be. Message the other guys and just say "Hey, I've been busy for the past month but finally caught up -- I was wondering if you have time to go get a drink this week?" (or whatever)
Whatever you do, don't tell them that you blew them off for someone else. They don't need to know every detail about your life, especially before they were even really a part of it.
As for your other questions, I would recommend dating multiple people at once if you can fit it into your schedule. That way you can sample a few and go with whichever floats your boat the best. There's nothing wrong with it -- THAT'S WHAT DATING IS. You're dating, not relationshiping.
Also, by dating multiple people, it's MUCH easier to find someone to hang out with when you want, instead of at the whim of one person's busy schedule. I find that dating 2-4 people at a time to be about right, at least until I want to get more serious about it. Seems to me that it's pretty well understood that if you're "dating" then you're probably also seeing other people. Just practice safe sex and have fun!
posted by buckaroo_benzai at 3:54 PM on October 14, 2011 [3 favorites]
Whatever you do, don't tell them that you blew them off for someone else. They don't need to know every detail about your life, especially before they were even really a part of it.
As for your other questions, I would recommend dating multiple people at once if you can fit it into your schedule. That way you can sample a few and go with whichever floats your boat the best. There's nothing wrong with it -- THAT'S WHAT DATING IS. You're dating, not relationshiping.
Also, by dating multiple people, it's MUCH easier to find someone to hang out with when you want, instead of at the whim of one person's busy schedule. I find that dating 2-4 people at a time to be about right, at least until I want to get more serious about it. Seems to me that it's pretty well understood that if you're "dating" then you're probably also seeing other people. Just practice safe sex and have fun!
posted by buckaroo_benzai at 3:54 PM on October 14, 2011 [3 favorites]
you don't owe it to him unless you're planning on sleeping with multiple people at once. Then you're putting them at risk for STDs
I think it's naive to think that it's ok to date multiple people without saying anything, but not ok to sleep with multiple people without telling them.
If dude A thinks it's not ok for the two of you to be sleeping with multiple people, that's something for him to bring up. I think it would be a little odd, after 6 weeks without having a dating/sex exclusivity talk, to say "oh btw I'm banging other guys now, not that you asked".
Use protection, answer direct questions honestly, and you're morally in the clear.
posted by auto-correct at 4:06 PM on October 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
I think it's naive to think that it's ok to date multiple people without saying anything, but not ok to sleep with multiple people without telling them.
If dude A thinks it's not ok for the two of you to be sleeping with multiple people, that's something for him to bring up. I think it would be a little odd, after 6 weeks without having a dating/sex exclusivity talk, to say "oh btw I'm banging other guys now, not that you asked".
Use protection, answer direct questions honestly, and you're morally in the clear.
posted by auto-correct at 4:06 PM on October 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
This happens ALL the time! Go ahead and message those guys. Don't bother saying anything about this other guy you are dating. Just say - "Whew! Sorry I lost contact with you, I kind of stopped logging into this site for a while, but I am bummed that I never got the chance to follow up with you - I enjoyed talking to you about [insert mutual interest or funny inside joke]. Still interested?" and see where it goes. Don't be hurt if they don't respond or are a little frosty, they may be dating someone now or just touchy about these things - but there's nothing wrong with putting yourself back out there. Don't say "I was seeing someone but it didn't work out," because that's not exactly true, you still intend to see this guy if he gets it together, right?
posted by pazazygeek at 4:19 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by pazazygeek at 4:19 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
We've never talked about being exclusive. I've had sex with him a few times.
If your relationship with someone is at such an advanced stage that condoms are repeatedly making an appearance, there is no reason not to talk about exclusivity, and there's every reason to talk about it. I don't understand how anyone can feel comfortable doing such an intimate act with someone but not feel comfortable having a frank conversation about dating/relationships with the same person.
is reinstating my conversation with these other guys still a feasible option? Would an apologetic message and an invitation to hang out like six weeks after the last message be okay or just kind of an added 'fuck you'?
It might be fine with him or might not. Might as well try it. On the other hand, if you've even partially burned your bridges (as in, he may still have some interest, but his interest might be dampered by the fact that he's already put you in that "not especially interested" category), it might be more worthwhile to focus on someone else so you start with a clean slate.
If I did send the messages, what would I say... should I be totally honest about the situation,
Absolutely not, unless he insists on knowing (which would be weird anyway).
or just say I was busy?
Yes.
if I should just forget about dating these other guys, should I still send a courtesy "sorry for disappearing, this was why, good luck" type email or just leave well enough alone?
There's no need to do that. I've used dating sites a lot, and I can't remember ever getting a message like that. I would never expect a message like that. If I got a message like that, it would probably have about the same effect on me as receiving no message. It would just allow me to mentally underline the fact that you're not interested. So, if you feel like spending your time writing and sending such messages, I can't see any harm, but I can't see a clear reason to do it either.
posted by John Cohen at 4:19 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
If your relationship with someone is at such an advanced stage that condoms are repeatedly making an appearance, there is no reason not to talk about exclusivity, and there's every reason to talk about it. I don't understand how anyone can feel comfortable doing such an intimate act with someone but not feel comfortable having a frank conversation about dating/relationships with the same person.
is reinstating my conversation with these other guys still a feasible option? Would an apologetic message and an invitation to hang out like six weeks after the last message be okay or just kind of an added 'fuck you'?
It might be fine with him or might not. Might as well try it. On the other hand, if you've even partially burned your bridges (as in, he may still have some interest, but his interest might be dampered by the fact that he's already put you in that "not especially interested" category), it might be more worthwhile to focus on someone else so you start with a clean slate.
If I did send the messages, what would I say... should I be totally honest about the situation,
Absolutely not, unless he insists on knowing (which would be weird anyway).
or just say I was busy?
Yes.
if I should just forget about dating these other guys, should I still send a courtesy "sorry for disappearing, this was why, good luck" type email or just leave well enough alone?
There's no need to do that. I've used dating sites a lot, and I can't remember ever getting a message like that. I would never expect a message like that. If I got a message like that, it would probably have about the same effect on me as receiving no message. It would just allow me to mentally underline the fact that you're not interested. So, if you feel like spending your time writing and sending such messages, I can't see any harm, but I can't see a clear reason to do it either.
posted by John Cohen at 4:19 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
Just message them and say you've been busy. If they push it, be honest. It's not necessarily a 2nd choice thing, it can just be luck of when you started communicating or were free to meet someone.
Maybe they don't feel that way and are irked you weren't blown away by their wordsmithery. Then you don't see em. From my perspective life is too short to demand that level of precision and shit happens.
As far as the other guy, if you're not feeling a certainty that you want it to be exclusive then don't be exclusive. No harm in it so long as you're honest in your promises and intentions. If you're looking for a right or wrong answer in this I think you're out of luck - some people feel okay with dating around, sleeping with multiple partners, getting everyone's name tattooed on your ass, whatever. Since these opinions differ the right thing to do is be honest about what things are.
Finding love and, even more difficult, long-term compatibility, is a numbers game. Don't feel bad about that.
posted by phearlez at 4:36 PM on October 14, 2011
Maybe they don't feel that way and are irked you weren't blown away by their wordsmithery. Then you don't see em. From my perspective life is too short to demand that level of precision and shit happens.
As far as the other guy, if you're not feeling a certainty that you want it to be exclusive then don't be exclusive. No harm in it so long as you're honest in your promises and intentions. If you're looking for a right or wrong answer in this I think you're out of luck - some people feel okay with dating around, sleeping with multiple partners, getting everyone's name tattooed on your ass, whatever. Since these opinions differ the right thing to do is be honest about what things are.
Finding love and, even more difficult, long-term compatibility, is a numbers game. Don't feel bad about that.
posted by phearlez at 4:36 PM on October 14, 2011
(1) Already answered well enough
(2) Every guy is different. EVERY GUY IS DIFFERENT. Even though this guy is in college and its the 2011 and he's presumably smart enough to go to med school, some guys still assume exclusivity as soon as body fluids are exchanged. Even though it's this dude's responsibility to communicate those expectations if he has them, communication is not everyone's strong suit. So, while ethically I don't think it makes you a bad person, you could be setting yourself up to hurt someone's feelings. Not the end of the world, just so you know, you have to do what feels right for you, honesty and communication is best policy, some shrinkage will occur, etc.
(3) This is one thing I can speak of with some authority. This guy is working full time, going to school full time, and studying for MCATs? When I was applying to medical school I only did two of those three things at a time, I lived with my girlfriend at the time, and probably only got out with her two or three times a month. If he's honestly doing all that, he's not blowing you off, and is likely really making an effort to make time for you.
When he graduates in December he will likely have a TON more time. He will probably not be this busy again until the end of the second year of med school, if he gets in. That doesn't mean the relationship will get better. Maybe when he has more time to spend with you you'll realize you can't stand him. Maybe he's a jerk who's only being exclusive now because he's so busy and will want to date around when he has more time. I'm just saying, this dude is legitimately busy.
BUT seeing as how you've only spent a couple months in this new city, maybe being in a slowly progressing relationship isn't the worst thing for you. Maybe you should take this chance to meet new people, get exploring your new community on your own, etc. Some of my biggest dating mistakes I've made where when I moved to a new place and got into a new relationship really quickly without making my own friends and own place in that town.
Ugh, does this post make any sense? I'm currently working full time and studying for boards and applying to residency and my brain is a little fried and... oh jeez... it never stops does it... geegollygosh, get out why you can! Run! Run away from this poor sleep deprived dude!
posted by midmarch snowman at 4:46 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
(2) Every guy is different. EVERY GUY IS DIFFERENT. Even though this guy is in college and its the 2011 and he's presumably smart enough to go to med school, some guys still assume exclusivity as soon as body fluids are exchanged. Even though it's this dude's responsibility to communicate those expectations if he has them, communication is not everyone's strong suit. So, while ethically I don't think it makes you a bad person, you could be setting yourself up to hurt someone's feelings. Not the end of the world, just so you know, you have to do what feels right for you, honesty and communication is best policy, some shrinkage will occur, etc.
(3) This is one thing I can speak of with some authority. This guy is working full time, going to school full time, and studying for MCATs? When I was applying to medical school I only did two of those three things at a time, I lived with my girlfriend at the time, and probably only got out with her two or three times a month. If he's honestly doing all that, he's not blowing you off, and is likely really making an effort to make time for you.
When he graduates in December he will likely have a TON more time. He will probably not be this busy again until the end of the second year of med school, if he gets in. That doesn't mean the relationship will get better. Maybe when he has more time to spend with you you'll realize you can't stand him. Maybe he's a jerk who's only being exclusive now because he's so busy and will want to date around when he has more time. I'm just saying, this dude is legitimately busy.
BUT seeing as how you've only spent a couple months in this new city, maybe being in a slowly progressing relationship isn't the worst thing for you. Maybe you should take this chance to meet new people, get exploring your new community on your own, etc. Some of my biggest dating mistakes I've made where when I moved to a new place and got into a new relationship really quickly without making my own friends and own place in that town.
Ugh, does this post make any sense? I'm currently working full time and studying for boards and applying to residency and my brain is a little fried and... oh jeez... it never stops does it... geegollygosh, get out why you can! Run! Run away from this poor sleep deprived dude!
posted by midmarch snowman at 4:46 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
Haha . . . midmarch snowman isn't even really exaggerating that much. i was living with my (now ex) boyfriend while studying for the MCAT, and I actually went home to my parents' for like a month so I could focus. it's a tough time- well, i don't know about everyone but i was always pretty desperate for distractions and had little willpower to resist them. so i had to be really harsh about just cutting out all distractions however i could. don't take it too personally if this seems to be happening to you. although i would ask him when his test date is, on the premise of doing something celebratory afterwards. if it's in the next month or two, i'd just cut him some slack til it's over. if it's a vague thing though, as in he hasn't even scheduled it yet . . . i'd definitely start dating some other people!
upon rereading your question, i'd definitely talk to him pretty soon about what it is he's looking for. he clearly has a Life Plan, and it's not unlikely that he already has some idea of how dating is going to fit into it. med school admission is a crap shoot. most people get into very few schools (even then, that's if they are lucky) so they pretty much have to go wherever they can. it might be thousands of miles away, and i'm sure he knows this. as such, he might only be interested in dating casually, indefinitely, so he doesn't have to have a girlfriend complicating his decision about schools when the time comes. (maybe not. maybe he wants a serious relationship, but then you'd have to think about coming with him, or LDR, if he had to move away, etc. this is why you should probably bring it up sooner rather than later.) i'd have this conversation before proceeding with the other guys.
that said, regarding the other guys i don't think there's anything wrong with a late follow-up. i agree with above posts that it is probably flattering. i did a little online dating a couple months ago, and i let communication sort of drop with this one guy. i was sick for a couple weeks and kept postponing meeting him because i wasn't feeling up to it. then after a while i figured i'd let too much time go by and it was too late, but he sent me another message to see how i was and if we were still gonna hang out. i was so surprised to hear from him that i was like, yes, of course!! and we met a few days later. and we get along great, of all the guys i met on OKC he's the only one i hung out with more than once. and we still hang out. in any case, it wouldn't have happened if he hadn't done the late follow-up on me. and it did make me think (as it turned out, correctly) that he actually wanted to meet me because we had stuff in common, not just because he was trying to get laid as quickly as possible. so, i think it's a good thing. just don't feel the need to go into too much detail about why you let it drop ('i was busy, got overwhelmed and took a little break from OKC, but now i'm back- let's hang out!') and if they don't go for it, oh well- it didn't hurt to try, right? so might as well go for it- good luck!
(and good luck on boards and your match, snowman!! :-)
posted by GastrocNemesis at 6:04 PM on October 14, 2011
upon rereading your question, i'd definitely talk to him pretty soon about what it is he's looking for. he clearly has a Life Plan, and it's not unlikely that he already has some idea of how dating is going to fit into it. med school admission is a crap shoot. most people get into very few schools (even then, that's if they are lucky) so they pretty much have to go wherever they can. it might be thousands of miles away, and i'm sure he knows this. as such, he might only be interested in dating casually, indefinitely, so he doesn't have to have a girlfriend complicating his decision about schools when the time comes. (maybe not. maybe he wants a serious relationship, but then you'd have to think about coming with him, or LDR, if he had to move away, etc. this is why you should probably bring it up sooner rather than later.) i'd have this conversation before proceeding with the other guys.
that said, regarding the other guys i don't think there's anything wrong with a late follow-up. i agree with above posts that it is probably flattering. i did a little online dating a couple months ago, and i let communication sort of drop with this one guy. i was sick for a couple weeks and kept postponing meeting him because i wasn't feeling up to it. then after a while i figured i'd let too much time go by and it was too late, but he sent me another message to see how i was and if we were still gonna hang out. i was so surprised to hear from him that i was like, yes, of course!! and we met a few days later. and we get along great, of all the guys i met on OKC he's the only one i hung out with more than once. and we still hang out. in any case, it wouldn't have happened if he hadn't done the late follow-up on me. and it did make me think (as it turned out, correctly) that he actually wanted to meet me because we had stuff in common, not just because he was trying to get laid as quickly as possible. so, i think it's a good thing. just don't feel the need to go into too much detail about why you let it drop ('i was busy, got overwhelmed and took a little break from OKC, but now i'm back- let's hang out!') and if they don't go for it, oh well- it didn't hurt to try, right? so might as well go for it- good luck!
(and good luck on boards and your match, snowman!! :-)
posted by GastrocNemesis at 6:04 PM on October 14, 2011
You don't have to make apologies or excuses. Just message them again like nothing happened. You don't owe anyone an explanation.
posted by slumber at 3:31 AM on October 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by slumber at 3:31 AM on October 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
I think that if you've been intimate then you should politely bring up the exclusivity talk with medical school guy. If he doesn't assume you are exclusive (some people do when sex is involved) then great, message away. If he does then have a frank conversation about how you want to slow things down and meet other people since you are so new to the area, then message away. This way, you can attempt (attempt) to avoid any hurt feelings through lack of communication.
posted by MyMind at 7:34 PM on January 19, 2012
posted by MyMind at 7:34 PM on January 19, 2012
Just realized how old this post is... whoops! New here, sorry. :)
posted by MyMind at 7:35 PM on January 19, 2012
posted by MyMind at 7:35 PM on January 19, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
2) It is only unethical to date other guys if you both agreed to be exclusive. Since you did not, message away.
3) You have needs. Are they being met? At such an early stage of the relationship it doesn't seem like he has the time to adress that. You can continue to casually date him while he does his MCATs and then goes away to some distant land for med school. So, message away.
posted by munchingzombie at 3:38 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]