Taking the black dog to work
September 19, 2011 1:02 PM Subscribe
Do I tell my boss about my mental health issues?
I am a senior white-collar professional in the UK. I'm in a somewhat high-profile job (for my industry, anyway) that I started at the beginning of the year. I think that I'm depressed, and it's starting to affect my work.
Several years ago, I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and depression. At the time, I sought out help and was in therapy and on anti-depressants for a time. I hated the anti-depressants (for the sexual side effects as much as anything else) but I really felt like they helped. After several months I stopped going to therapy and stopped taking the anti-depressants, and for the past years I was mostly fine.
For the last few months I have been sliding into a pretty dark place and I've made peace with my need to seek help again. Over the years I have kept my tendency towards depression to myself, not even discussing it much with friends or family. I've certainly never talked about it with employers.
My work performance has definitely slipped recently. I have been going through periods of powerful anxiety to the point where I am too afraid to answer the phone. It's almost impossible to focus. I suspect that I might need to take some time off to get my head in order. I could just take that as holiday without comment, but part of me feels a need to explain myself to my boss.
I have a good relationship with my boss - he is a nice chap who appreciates my intellect and thinks I bring a lot to the table here. At the same time, I appreciate that his first loyalty is going to be to the business that signs his cheques every month.
Should I discuss my mental health with my boss? Or the head of HR, with whom I have a good relationship? Or am I just setting myself for future problems by doing this?
Thanks very much in advance.
I am a senior white-collar professional in the UK. I'm in a somewhat high-profile job (for my industry, anyway) that I started at the beginning of the year. I think that I'm depressed, and it's starting to affect my work.
Several years ago, I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and depression. At the time, I sought out help and was in therapy and on anti-depressants for a time. I hated the anti-depressants (for the sexual side effects as much as anything else) but I really felt like they helped. After several months I stopped going to therapy and stopped taking the anti-depressants, and for the past years I was mostly fine.
For the last few months I have been sliding into a pretty dark place and I've made peace with my need to seek help again. Over the years I have kept my tendency towards depression to myself, not even discussing it much with friends or family. I've certainly never talked about it with employers.
My work performance has definitely slipped recently. I have been going through periods of powerful anxiety to the point where I am too afraid to answer the phone. It's almost impossible to focus. I suspect that I might need to take some time off to get my head in order. I could just take that as holiday without comment, but part of me feels a need to explain myself to my boss.
I have a good relationship with my boss - he is a nice chap who appreciates my intellect and thinks I bring a lot to the table here. At the same time, I appreciate that his first loyalty is going to be to the business that signs his cheques every month.
Should I discuss my mental health with my boss? Or the head of HR, with whom I have a good relationship? Or am I just setting myself for future problems by doing this?
Thanks very much in advance.
There's no harm in telling your boss that you are feeling a bit overwhelmed, need a breather, have been letting it get to you, need a refresher, or any of the million other euphemisms for being depressed. But what's the upside of telling him you have what you think are mental health issues? I don't see one. If you feel the need to share anything, just tell him something vague about family issues or stress. Also, there's no way in heck I would ever bring anything of a personal nature to HR. My two cents.
posted by facetious at 1:08 PM on September 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by facetious at 1:08 PM on September 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
My first reaction is to say no. Part of professionalism in my mind is that you separate your personal life from your work life. If one starts to have an impact on the other, then you get it sorted out, but it doesn't really need to be addressed any further than "I'm taking care of it" if it came up.
What would be the gain in something like this? Would you expect your employer/boss to treat you differently once he has this information? Would you even want him to?
posted by thewumpusisdead at 1:10 PM on September 19, 2011 [2 favorites]
What would be the gain in something like this? Would you expect your employer/boss to treat you differently once he has this information? Would you even want him to?
posted by thewumpusisdead at 1:10 PM on September 19, 2011 [2 favorites]
No, don't tell him.
and I've made peace with my need to seek help again.
Does this mean you've actually done it? Or are you still in the contemplative stage?
posted by small_ruminant at 1:12 PM on September 19, 2011
and I've made peace with my need to seek help again.
Does this mean you've actually done it? Or are you still in the contemplative stage?
posted by small_ruminant at 1:12 PM on September 19, 2011
My vote is for "no". How do you actually benefit by telling him? As in, what will you actually get from this? There's very little you'll get that you can't pay for out of pocket, such as therapy of some kind. You might feel less guilty about not being 100% open with them, but this is work, not a relationship. You owe these people your professionality, not your heart and soul.
It could also backfire spectacularly. You could be given less and less work to do because they think you can't cope with it. Do not raise a red flag about yourself in the workplace.
posted by Solomon at 1:13 PM on September 19, 2011
It could also backfire spectacularly. You could be given less and less work to do because they think you can't cope with it. Do not raise a red flag about yourself in the workplace.
posted by Solomon at 1:13 PM on September 19, 2011
No. Sadly, sadly, there is a stigma attached to mental health issues.
Tell him you are going through some persona stuff at home, if you must. But don't mention meds, depression, or psychiatry.
posted by SLC Mom at 1:18 PM on September 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
Tell him you are going through some persona stuff at home, if you must. But don't mention meds, depression, or psychiatry.
posted by SLC Mom at 1:18 PM on September 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
I don't know anything about the UK's labour laws, but I know a number of white-collar professionals here in Canada that had their jobs saved by virtue of the fact they discussed their mental illness with their employers, as their employers were required by law to provide reasonable accommodations (such as a temporary shift in job responsibility, paid or unpaid time off, or simply a more fault-tolerant schedule).
I would recommend asking your mental health professional about what your employer's responsibilities are, were you to disclose. There may be advantages.
posted by Jairus at 1:21 PM on September 19, 2011 [10 favorites]
I would recommend asking your mental health professional about what your employer's responsibilities are, were you to disclose. There may be advantages.
posted by Jairus at 1:21 PM on September 19, 2011 [10 favorites]
Would it be possible to simply say you're "having a little trouble?" Contrary to everyone else's advice, the last time I told my supervisor I needed time off to go to therapy, he told me he had been going for years now, and asked where my therapist was located. No blowback whatsoever.
posted by Gilbert at 1:24 PM on September 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Gilbert at 1:24 PM on September 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
I am someone with depression - and I made the mistake of telling my summer employer that I had clinical depression that I was actively working with. It did NOT go over well and, for the length of my contract with them, I was in absolute hell as I watched employees treat me differently. Had I not been indispensable to the office, they would have found a reason to dismiss me.
For the love of signed checks and happy bank accounts, please do not tell your employer.
posted by Ashen at 1:27 PM on September 19, 2011 [2 favorites]
For the love of signed checks and happy bank accounts, please do not tell your employer.
posted by Ashen at 1:27 PM on September 19, 2011 [2 favorites]
I agree with Jairus that you should research the law in the UK and go from there. Even the notoriously pro-corporation, anti-employee USA has some protections for employees who divulge health issues, so I'm guessing the UK must too.
posted by drjimmy11 at 1:27 PM on September 19, 2011
posted by drjimmy11 at 1:27 PM on September 19, 2011
small_ruminant: "and I've made peace with my need to seek help again.
Does this mean you've actually done it? Or are you still in the contemplative stage?"
The awful thing about depression is that the symptoms make you much less likely to reach out and get help. If you are indeed in the contempative stage, consider this your kick to the rear to get yourself to a trained professional who can help you. Depression is far from hopeless these days.
posted by schmod at 1:30 PM on September 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
Does this mean you've actually done it? Or are you still in the contemplative stage?"
The awful thing about depression is that the symptoms make you much less likely to reach out and get help. If you are indeed in the contempative stage, consider this your kick to the rear to get yourself to a trained professional who can help you. Depression is far from hopeless these days.
posted by schmod at 1:30 PM on September 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
Please only listen to responses from UK posters. Most of the answers you're going to get will be from folks whose experience is only with the US and the UK has a very different culture and very different (better) laws.
As a union organizer (in both countries actually) I'm still leaning towards no though. At least don't rush into it. Why not take your holiday and get the ball rolling on some treatment, and then have a sit down with your boss if you still want to and you've done some checking that it doesn't put you at risk?
posted by crabintheocean at 1:32 PM on September 19, 2011 [6 favorites]
As a union organizer (in both countries actually) I'm still leaning towards no though. At least don't rush into it. Why not take your holiday and get the ball rolling on some treatment, and then have a sit down with your boss if you still want to and you've done some checking that it doesn't put you at risk?
posted by crabintheocean at 1:32 PM on September 19, 2011 [6 favorites]
Please seek treatment, as it is not clear from your question that you have started. Your health care provider can offer you insight into how and when (in fact, as others have said, even if) to notify your employer.
I'm leaning toward don't tell, but first, please, please, get yourself seen by a competent professional who is a good fit for you. Remember, the first few that you meet with may not be a great match. Keep interviewing until you find someone who is right for you.
You're worth it!
PS if you do decide to disclose to your employer, it's probably a good idea to have an "action plan" so that you can say, "this is what happens, this is what I do about it, and this is how I will keep the problem from negatively impacting my performance in the future."
But for now, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, contact providers and make appointments with a few of them. Many may have "after hours" for treating folks like you who can't take much time off work. Once you've picked someone, you can transition to taking a longer lunch one day a week, for vague "medical appointment" if you wish.
posted by bilabial at 1:40 PM on September 19, 2011 [2 favorites]
I'm leaning toward don't tell, but first, please, please, get yourself seen by a competent professional who is a good fit for you. Remember, the first few that you meet with may not be a great match. Keep interviewing until you find someone who is right for you.
You're worth it!
PS if you do decide to disclose to your employer, it's probably a good idea to have an "action plan" so that you can say, "this is what happens, this is what I do about it, and this is how I will keep the problem from negatively impacting my performance in the future."
But for now, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, contact providers and make appointments with a few of them. Many may have "after hours" for treating folks like you who can't take much time off work. Once you've picked someone, you can transition to taking a longer lunch one day a week, for vague "medical appointment" if you wish.
posted by bilabial at 1:40 PM on September 19, 2011 [2 favorites]
Lots of people are woefully uninformed about mental illness, and your boss might just not get it. If it's affecting your work and you feel the need to bring it up, you can leave it at a vague "medical issue." It is a medical issue, after all.
I recommend going to your therapist or doctor first, especially if you think you'll need some time off. They should have advice on how to approach this without jeopardizing your good standing in the office. Good luck!
posted by Metroid Baby at 1:47 PM on September 19, 2011
I recommend going to your therapist or doctor first, especially if you think you'll need some time off. They should have advice on how to approach this without jeopardizing your good standing in the office. Good luck!
posted by Metroid Baby at 1:47 PM on September 19, 2011
You are wiser to keep the specifics to yourself, but if you have a very mature work relationship with your boss it can build good will to approach him/her and explain that you have been "a little off your game" lately and that you wanted to proactively say that you are righting the ship. Your boss may say that they never noticed any issues or may respond in a supportive way, but few would take offense at someone "owning up" to their issues. Supervisors loathe having to tell someone that their work is suffering. You could build some good will to raise the issue first and if his/her response is affirming you will by extension likely feel much better for having addressed it.
posted by dgran at 2:06 PM on September 19, 2011
posted by dgran at 2:06 PM on September 19, 2011
Yeah. Fellow depressive and PTSD sufferer. I too immediately stop answering the phone or being responsive to pretty much anyone, which causes problems in itself. I was working on Wall Street and simultaneously doing grad work when I hit a particularly terrible 3-year patch of the worst depressive episode I could possibly imagine living through. Eventually I couldn't conceal it as it was plainly obvious that something was terribly wrong. I eventually wound up telling my boss, whom I didn't particularly care for, that I was a depressive. He then disclosed that he came from a family of manic depressives, some of whom had died tragic deaths at young ages in bouts of mania, and he really was tremendously understanding and told me to take a leave of absence for as long as I needed. And I did. I had to.
I'm now trying to re-enter the workforce and continue my studies and I really, really wish I hadn't disclosed, either at work or at school. The difference in treatment I receive from people to whom I have disclosed depression/mental illness - even those who were sympathetic and understanding - as opposed to those I told that I was battling a 'serious major illness' has been absolutely breathtaking to behold. If you need to disclose, I would strongly recommend sticking to 'I'm battling a serious major illness', and NOT specify that it is a MENTAL illness. I sincerely cannot impress strongly enough what a terrible, enormous difference in attitude I got between people I disclosed severe depression to, and those I simply told I was gravely ill. This isn't the time to take on the yoke of other people's often terribly ignorant preconceptions and stigma of mental illness. If you must tell your boss something, simply tell him or her that you're very ill and you're trying to pull through it. Both US & UK have pretty solid laws against discrimination for all kinds of illness. But the legal issues don't protect you from the subtle everyday responses of coworkers and bosses.
posted by involution at 2:07 PM on September 19, 2011 [10 favorites]
I'm now trying to re-enter the workforce and continue my studies and I really, really wish I hadn't disclosed, either at work or at school. The difference in treatment I receive from people to whom I have disclosed depression/mental illness - even those who were sympathetic and understanding - as opposed to those I told that I was battling a 'serious major illness' has been absolutely breathtaking to behold. If you need to disclose, I would strongly recommend sticking to 'I'm battling a serious major illness', and NOT specify that it is a MENTAL illness. I sincerely cannot impress strongly enough what a terrible, enormous difference in attitude I got between people I disclosed severe depression to, and those I simply told I was gravely ill. This isn't the time to take on the yoke of other people's often terribly ignorant preconceptions and stigma of mental illness. If you must tell your boss something, simply tell him or her that you're very ill and you're trying to pull through it. Both US & UK have pretty solid laws against discrimination for all kinds of illness. But the legal issues don't protect you from the subtle everyday responses of coworkers and bosses.
posted by involution at 2:07 PM on September 19, 2011 [10 favorites]
Absolutely not. You have nothing to gain and absolutely everything to lose. You say you can just take a holiday without having to explain it to your boss, but you feel you owe him an explanation. You do not owe him any explanation. Take your holiday.
posted by juniperesque at 2:45 PM on September 19, 2011
posted by juniperesque at 2:45 PM on September 19, 2011
You don't, ever.
posted by four panels at 3:41 PM on September 19, 2011
posted by four panels at 3:41 PM on September 19, 2011
I would really strongly disregard responses from most posters based in the US, OP. The US basically has shit-all labour protections and it creates a pretty unhealthy and threatening work culture, imho. The UK, like my home country Australia, is much better in this regard.
No one knows your manager better than you, and no one but you knows the company you work for. What is your company culture like? Do you work for a large company or multinational? If so, they almost certainly have a) A confidential, open-door HR policy, and b) specific programs and policies for employees with health issues - mental or otherwise.
My employer, for example, will pay for four free sessions with a counselor for employees that need/want it. If you register with HR, they can record your special need and assign a case officer to make sure the work environment will cater for it. They will or won't tell your manager based on if you want that information shared or not.
In the UK - like Australia - I'm sure that people are fired from stigma associated with mental illness all the time, however there are numerous legal protections to prevent this happening and large organisations with proper HR would almost certainly never take the risk of a discrimination lawsuit. Obviously, this precludes action taken by individual managers when HR doesn't know about it.
In short, I'm not saying do it; I'm not saying don't do it. I just saying there are more options available here than might seem obvious from the majority of responses, which for better or for worse are coming from people living in a country with some of the worst labour protections in the developed world.
posted by smoke at 4:33 PM on September 19, 2011 [3 favorites]
No one knows your manager better than you, and no one but you knows the company you work for. What is your company culture like? Do you work for a large company or multinational? If so, they almost certainly have a) A confidential, open-door HR policy, and b) specific programs and policies for employees with health issues - mental or otherwise.
My employer, for example, will pay for four free sessions with a counselor for employees that need/want it. If you register with HR, they can record your special need and assign a case officer to make sure the work environment will cater for it. They will or won't tell your manager based on if you want that information shared or not.
In the UK - like Australia - I'm sure that people are fired from stigma associated with mental illness all the time, however there are numerous legal protections to prevent this happening and large organisations with proper HR would almost certainly never take the risk of a discrimination lawsuit. Obviously, this precludes action taken by individual managers when HR doesn't know about it.
In short, I'm not saying do it; I'm not saying don't do it. I just saying there are more options available here than might seem obvious from the majority of responses, which for better or for worse are coming from people living in a country with some of the worst labour protections in the developed world.
posted by smoke at 4:33 PM on September 19, 2011 [3 favorites]
The US basically has shit-all labour protections and it creates a pretty unhealthy and threatening work culture, imho.
Americans are protected against health-related discrimination under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) (but only if the employer is aware of the health condition.) There are plenty of reasons to disregard American responses (the biggest one being that the OP states they're in the UK) but "shit-all" protection isn't one of them. Educate yourself.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:05 PM on September 19, 2011 [2 favorites]
Americans are protected against health-related discrimination under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) (but only if the employer is aware of the health condition.) There are plenty of reasons to disregard American responses (the biggest one being that the OP states they're in the UK) but "shit-all" protection isn't one of them. Educate yourself.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:05 PM on September 19, 2011 [2 favorites]
I stand corrected, Civil_Disobedient. That's a great page, and OP I think it's definitely worth giving it a read whatever you decide to do.
posted by smoke at 5:08 PM on September 19, 2011
posted by smoke at 5:08 PM on September 19, 2011
FWIW, I think smoke and Civil_Disobedient are both right. It's true that the US has some laws that protect workers, and everyone here should educate themselves and use the protections they have. However, it's also true that US laws labor often have so many loopholes or work-arounds, and such weak enforcement that the overall effect for most people is pretty much "shit-all".
posted by crabintheocean at 5:16 PM on September 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by crabintheocean at 5:16 PM on September 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
The UK may not be some a work gulag state some western liberal democracies I can name, but this isn't going to help you much.
I've done consulting work all around the world, and if I could name one workplace trait that is valued virtually everywhere in the world it is the ability to face struggles without making them out to be a big deal. My workplace has an assistance program for stuff like this and its handled completely by third parties, and doesn't require any approvals. If you have a system that is completely anonymous I would feel free to use it.
Otherwise...
You're probably protected by legislation which covers your privacy on health matters, and I would use this protection to its maximum extent and not disclose this condiition to anyone. Just book the vacation, and if you're boss asks you about it say someting like you've been looking forward to recharging.
A lot of people battle depression, and once its an open and a safe subject it's not uncommon for people to share stories. Personally I wouldn't hold disclosing this against you.. but I have worked with a number of bosses who would view this as a hit against your professionalism.
posted by Intrepid at 5:16 PM on September 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
I've done consulting work all around the world, and if I could name one workplace trait that is valued virtually everywhere in the world it is the ability to face struggles without making them out to be a big deal. My workplace has an assistance program for stuff like this and its handled completely by third parties, and doesn't require any approvals. If you have a system that is completely anonymous I would feel free to use it.
Otherwise...
You're probably protected by legislation which covers your privacy on health matters, and I would use this protection to its maximum extent and not disclose this condiition to anyone. Just book the vacation, and if you're boss asks you about it say someting like you've been looking forward to recharging.
A lot of people battle depression, and once its an open and a safe subject it's not uncommon for people to share stories. Personally I wouldn't hold disclosing this against you.. but I have worked with a number of bosses who would view this as a hit against your professionalism.
posted by Intrepid at 5:16 PM on September 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
It depends on your boss. I'm a boss, and you can tell me, and I'll give you whatever you need to get through it. I can cite five cases off the top of my head of close friends who've told their bosses, and found them to be nothing but supportive; in three of those cases, their workmates were told as well, and everybody pulled together to help them through it.
This may be a cultural thing - organisations like Beyond Blue have done a great job of raising the profile of depression in Australia, and some very prominent Australians have been quite forthcoming about their experiences. Depression is something your mates get, so what sort of mate are you if you don't help them deal with it?
posted by obiwanwasabi at 5:19 PM on September 19, 2011
This may be a cultural thing - organisations like Beyond Blue have done a great job of raising the profile of depression in Australia, and some very prominent Australians have been quite forthcoming about their experiences. Depression is something your mates get, so what sort of mate are you if you don't help them deal with it?
posted by obiwanwasabi at 5:19 PM on September 19, 2011
Hmm. I don't want to get into a transcontinental labor portections pissing match here, but keep in mind the possibility that some of us providing input from here from the US do work for huge mutlinational corporations that do indeed have all the things you're describing. I did. For example, I had an HR liason whom I could report to without any disclosure to anyone else, plus a free and confidential corporate shrink and advocate to advise me on how to proceed and whether or not I was fit for the workplace, plus short and long term disability protections. I could also have attended a confidential outpatient clinic to help me along for a short time. And I could still, if I so chose, go right back to my job after two years and what basically totalled up to a pretty public nervous breakdown. Personally, I'd rather snack out my own eyeballs than go back there after being such an obvious wreck at my place of work, but I most certainly *could*, and that is a protected right. My company literally HAVE TO take me back (and they're even the ones that told me this), with no reduction of my pay grade, all thanks to the Americans with Disabilities Act. I'm definitely sure firing sometimes happens, but I'm equally sure those people have a pretty solid case with which to sue the blivving shit out of whoever fired them.
What I'm trying to get across with sledgehammer-like subtlety here is that even with all these protections and all the crap that was blessedly available to me in my own situation, I *STILL* would absolutely not recommend disclosing anything more than 'a serious, major illness'. Because I don't think it even matters if you have the gold standard of amazing worker protections. It's not the over-arching legal shit that will deliver the major kidney punches. It's the weird, ignorant ideas floating around in the heads of some of your bosses, coworkers and friends regarding mental illness, and how some of them will treat you if you make your own personal battle with mental illness publically known. I could never, ever have predicted some of the reactions I got, even from a variety of tremendously highly educated and concerned people who I thought were absolutely safe to tell. It added a whole new level of sadness and shame and confusion and isolation that I absolutely did not need when I was already in a terrible, terrible headspace.
posted by involution at 5:21 PM on September 19, 2011 [7 favorites]
What I'm trying to get across with sledgehammer-like subtlety here is that even with all these protections and all the crap that was blessedly available to me in my own situation, I *STILL* would absolutely not recommend disclosing anything more than 'a serious, major illness'. Because I don't think it even matters if you have the gold standard of amazing worker protections. It's not the over-arching legal shit that will deliver the major kidney punches. It's the weird, ignorant ideas floating around in the heads of some of your bosses, coworkers and friends regarding mental illness, and how some of them will treat you if you make your own personal battle with mental illness publically known. I could never, ever have predicted some of the reactions I got, even from a variety of tremendously highly educated and concerned people who I thought were absolutely safe to tell. It added a whole new level of sadness and shame and confusion and isolation that I absolutely did not need when I was already in a terrible, terrible headspace.
posted by involution at 5:21 PM on September 19, 2011 [7 favorites]
involution's comment is great -- it's not about labor laws, it's about the way people will treat you, the way the reputation wil follow you, and all of that. Yes, there are protections to let you keep work with disabilities like mental illnesses, but it's likely not a situation you want to be coming back to. I feel wholeheartedly that depression is a physical, "real" illness, but a lot of people don't and will think you're attention seeking, selfish, psychopathic, god knows. And you just don't need that, honestly, with all the other things you're dealing with with this illness.
And yes, if you're not in therapy, gooo.....
posted by sweetkid at 5:52 PM on September 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
And yes, if you're not in therapy, gooo.....
posted by sweetkid at 5:52 PM on September 19, 2011 [1 favorite]
I would do the following (in order) before disclosing to your boss:
- contact your employer's confidential EAP service for advice/referral
- discuss with your GP. if you need to take time off to deal with this, you should take it as sick leave (though for anything up to seven days, you can self-certify)
- if you need to take longer sick leave on the advice of your GP (and will need to get signed off), I'd request a confidential discussion with your HR advisor
- lastly, only if unavoidable, have a discussion with your boss - perhaps with HR/union support present
posted by wayward vagabond at 3:01 AM on September 20, 2011
- contact your employer's confidential EAP service for advice/referral
- discuss with your GP. if you need to take time off to deal with this, you should take it as sick leave (though for anything up to seven days, you can self-certify)
- if you need to take longer sick leave on the advice of your GP (and will need to get signed off), I'd request a confidential discussion with your HR advisor
- lastly, only if unavoidable, have a discussion with your boss - perhaps with HR/union support present
posted by wayward vagabond at 3:01 AM on September 20, 2011
This is a tricky road. The laws in both countries are pretty good, imho, but the real landmine will be culture. I've seen two recent examples of people suffering from [some kind of] depression and how it manifested in the workplace. In both cases, the sufferer was a respected member of the org. In case one, the guy shared his condition and was off for three months and came back better than ever. In the other case, the guy didn't and the employer used his poor job performance to eliminate the position and move the guy to a job he hated. He had a blowout and quit.
One thing I would caution you away from: trying to suffer through and then disclosing at the last minute to save your job. Employers might view this as some kind of "gaming the system".
One other thing: while your medical conditions aren't anyone's business if that's what you choose, you might think about sharing it with your boss on the basis of loyalty to the organization and/or respect for your coworkers. People can often tell that someone is having some kind of trouble, and generally seem to react better when they know what's going on. "Look boss, I've been trying to keep the wraps on this and handle it on my own, but it isn't working. I've suffered depression in the past, and it is coming back. I am working with a doctor for it, and anticipate that I will recover. In the meantime, however, I will need some accommodation to get through it. [list accommodations here]." A good employer will appreciate your candor and do their best to help. In addition, they will be more candid with you about what they will need from you to make it work.
Last thing: people are more tolerant and accepting than you think, but it is the "diagnosis" nature of it that sends some people off kilter. I've never known of a workplace that didn't tolerate and try to help people that were suffering from burnout, or family trouble, or medical conditions. Maybe you just have to tell them to keep quiet about it, and if anyone asks them, the answer should be "he's just dealing with some personal matters, don't worry about it and don't bother him with it."
posted by gjc at 6:25 AM on September 20, 2011 [1 favorite]
One thing I would caution you away from: trying to suffer through and then disclosing at the last minute to save your job. Employers might view this as some kind of "gaming the system".
One other thing: while your medical conditions aren't anyone's business if that's what you choose, you might think about sharing it with your boss on the basis of loyalty to the organization and/or respect for your coworkers. People can often tell that someone is having some kind of trouble, and generally seem to react better when they know what's going on. "Look boss, I've been trying to keep the wraps on this and handle it on my own, but it isn't working. I've suffered depression in the past, and it is coming back. I am working with a doctor for it, and anticipate that I will recover. In the meantime, however, I will need some accommodation to get through it. [list accommodations here]." A good employer will appreciate your candor and do their best to help. In addition, they will be more candid with you about what they will need from you to make it work.
Last thing: people are more tolerant and accepting than you think, but it is the "diagnosis" nature of it that sends some people off kilter. I've never known of a workplace that didn't tolerate and try to help people that were suffering from burnout, or family trouble, or medical conditions. Maybe you just have to tell them to keep quiet about it, and if anyone asks them, the answer should be "he's just dealing with some personal matters, don't worry about it and don't bother him with it."
posted by gjc at 6:25 AM on September 20, 2011 [1 favorite]
I worked for years as head of Human Resources in Arizona, U.S. Normally, we'd like to know some details for paperwork processing and, generally, to know how we can make it easier for you to keep working. We're trained on HIPPA (medical privacy) laws since we often have access to medical information via company provided health coverage and are libal for trouble if we fail in discretion. I've also struggled my entire life with PTSD and depression - some years are better than others.
Nthing the "do not tell" answers. "Major Medical Illness" is enough information for this situation. That you may seem off at times will be expected by those around you, as a side effect of dealing with illness. You are in the UK - IIRC, you don't get your health coverage through your employer so even HR doesn't need details beyond an idea of how to help you continue as smoothly as possible during this hard time for you.
Of course, many around you will ask for details, at least "What illness?" An "I'm not really up to going into personal details at this time" should be sufficient. It even hints that you're saving them from embarrassingly personal TMI. Most employers/co-workers are happy to avoid that. For those that get pushy, "Why do you want to know?" refocuses the spotlight off you.
posted by _paegan_ at 10:02 AM on September 20, 2011 [2 favorites]
Nthing the "do not tell" answers. "Major Medical Illness" is enough information for this situation. That you may seem off at times will be expected by those around you, as a side effect of dealing with illness. You are in the UK - IIRC, you don't get your health coverage through your employer so even HR doesn't need details beyond an idea of how to help you continue as smoothly as possible during this hard time for you.
Of course, many around you will ask for details, at least "What illness?" An "I'm not really up to going into personal details at this time" should be sufficient. It even hints that you're saving them from embarrassingly personal TMI. Most employers/co-workers are happy to avoid that. For those that get pushy, "Why do you want to know?" refocuses the spotlight off you.
posted by _paegan_ at 10:02 AM on September 20, 2011 [2 favorites]
But also, please seek treatment. I know it's one of the hardest things to do when you need it most. Oh, I know. A resource that helped me much in the past couple of years, I found here in AskMeFi - free online cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) at Mood Gym. I recommend this site as if they were paying me a salary. I'm not suggesting this is the only resource to tap - seeing your GP is important, as are other steps. But it's there in the middle of the night, it doesn't judge me & how I choose to appear, easily affordable, and it doesn't bring it's own mental issues to my therapy.
posted by _paegan_ at 10:14 AM on September 20, 2011
posted by _paegan_ at 10:14 AM on September 20, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Dragonness at 1:07 PM on September 19, 2011 [12 favorites]