How to counter PTSD-related rage?
August 2, 2011 8:43 PM Subscribe
What are some self-soothing techniques to help deal with PTSD-related anger/rage that has quietly ruined my inner life? I am currently awaiting an (outpatient) intake call back for sliding-scale therapy.
I survived an auto accident as a passenger, a year ago. It was fatal for others and so bad that, for six weeks I walked around thinking I was dead, too. In addition, I was suffering acute panic attacks on a near-daily basis, as well as brain fog and general depression.
About two weeks after the accident I entered counseling in order for my employer to approve my return to work. I've successfully undergone therapy before, and had confidence that this time would be equally helpful, but it was awful. Over the course of several sessions, my therapist refused to talk about my accident, and insisted I spend each hour undergoing guided meditation to treat my anxiety. This was helpful in some ways, but so far from what I really needed. I was unable to articulate exactly what that was at the time and I trusted him to know better than me, as a professional. I just remember feeling helpless rage at what I thought was a waste of my time. I thought getting back to work would help more than anything, so I gritted my teeth and bore it for a few weeks so he would sign off on my return to work.
Work did help. And I thought that once things settled back into normalcy that I would look into getting therapy again. However, my last experience stymied me from ever actively seeking help. But now I've gone through wave after wave of dangerously deep depression, without telling anyone about it. Outside of that, I spend surprising amounts of time seething in quiet anger at the whole world-- at my boyfriend, at my family, at my co-workers, at strangers...
The kicker is that my life is fantastic right now--better than ever. I received multiple scholarships to go to a great grad school, I've had a successful, fulfilling year at work, and I have a wonderful partner. So, it's baffling and frustrating to me that I feel so angry all the time. Even little things release clouds of black anger inside me. I feel paranoid, victimized...and then ashamed of those feelings.
The only halfway-positive thing that I've been able to do is keep most of the anger inside. But it still leaks out. At the tip of a hat I can become aloof, prickly, bitter, and sometimes mean or passive-aggressive. All of this is extremely uncharacteristic of me, pre-accident. This inability to *let go* and be happy again makes me hate myself and want to hide away from everyone in case I hurt or offend them. I feel like it's ruined my enjoyment of life, and has put my closest relationships in peril.
So, I'm finally going back to therapy. I don't know how long it will be until my first appointment, so I want to help myself in the meantime. I'm so tired of having this shroud of negativity around me.
Which brings me to my question (s): how can I deal with a constant thrum of anger? Is it normal? I've tried meditation, which helps a little, counting, little mental time-outs, positive-thinking, occasional gratitude-journaling, and things like that. They work in the moment, but not over time. What should I say to my new therapist off the bat to avoid what happened last time? I certainly don't want to offend him/her with a list of demands. Is there a certain type of therapy that I should look into? (I know I won't have much choice, as my poor insurance requires me to seek out sliding scale services.)
p.s. I haven't talked to anyone about this because I'm very private. Even my supportive boyfriend, who is aware that I still sometimes struggle, is unaware of the extent of my inner turmoil. It's taken until just today for me to admit to myself that I might still be suffering from after-effects of the accident, because I thought I should be over it by now. I'm ashamed to tell others that I have these problems, and have just chalked them up to a family history of depression, but I can't ignore it anymore.
Thanks for all suggestions on how to deal.
I survived an auto accident as a passenger, a year ago. It was fatal for others and so bad that, for six weeks I walked around thinking I was dead, too. In addition, I was suffering acute panic attacks on a near-daily basis, as well as brain fog and general depression.
About two weeks after the accident I entered counseling in order for my employer to approve my return to work. I've successfully undergone therapy before, and had confidence that this time would be equally helpful, but it was awful. Over the course of several sessions, my therapist refused to talk about my accident, and insisted I spend each hour undergoing guided meditation to treat my anxiety. This was helpful in some ways, but so far from what I really needed. I was unable to articulate exactly what that was at the time and I trusted him to know better than me, as a professional. I just remember feeling helpless rage at what I thought was a waste of my time. I thought getting back to work would help more than anything, so I gritted my teeth and bore it for a few weeks so he would sign off on my return to work.
Work did help. And I thought that once things settled back into normalcy that I would look into getting therapy again. However, my last experience stymied me from ever actively seeking help. But now I've gone through wave after wave of dangerously deep depression, without telling anyone about it. Outside of that, I spend surprising amounts of time seething in quiet anger at the whole world-- at my boyfriend, at my family, at my co-workers, at strangers...
The kicker is that my life is fantastic right now--better than ever. I received multiple scholarships to go to a great grad school, I've had a successful, fulfilling year at work, and I have a wonderful partner. So, it's baffling and frustrating to me that I feel so angry all the time. Even little things release clouds of black anger inside me. I feel paranoid, victimized...and then ashamed of those feelings.
The only halfway-positive thing that I've been able to do is keep most of the anger inside. But it still leaks out. At the tip of a hat I can become aloof, prickly, bitter, and sometimes mean or passive-aggressive. All of this is extremely uncharacteristic of me, pre-accident. This inability to *let go* and be happy again makes me hate myself and want to hide away from everyone in case I hurt or offend them. I feel like it's ruined my enjoyment of life, and has put my closest relationships in peril.
So, I'm finally going back to therapy. I don't know how long it will be until my first appointment, so I want to help myself in the meantime. I'm so tired of having this shroud of negativity around me.
Which brings me to my question (s): how can I deal with a constant thrum of anger? Is it normal? I've tried meditation, which helps a little, counting, little mental time-outs, positive-thinking, occasional gratitude-journaling, and things like that. They work in the moment, but not over time. What should I say to my new therapist off the bat to avoid what happened last time? I certainly don't want to offend him/her with a list of demands. Is there a certain type of therapy that I should look into? (I know I won't have much choice, as my poor insurance requires me to seek out sliding scale services.)
p.s. I haven't talked to anyone about this because I'm very private. Even my supportive boyfriend, who is aware that I still sometimes struggle, is unaware of the extent of my inner turmoil. It's taken until just today for me to admit to myself that I might still be suffering from after-effects of the accident, because I thought I should be over it by now. I'm ashamed to tell others that I have these problems, and have just chalked them up to a family history of depression, but I can't ignore it anymore.
Thanks for all suggestions on how to deal.
There are a lot of questions and implied questions here. i certainly can't address all of them because... well because I don't know you, but a few thoughts and comments:
It isn't uncommon for intensely negative reactions, such as PTSD to occur during times in which everything else is going very well. For some people the internal mechanisms seem to register having the rest of your life under control as permission to NOW get down to brass tacks regarding how you are doing mentally. Think of it kind of in relation to the hierarchy of needs, if you have food and shelter you are able to concentrate on other demands, if you don't have food and shelter then it doesn't matter that you also don't have as pressing need to keep yourself safe (for example).
What to tell your therapist? Well, frankly, exactly what you said here. Therapist are like any other profession one is not the same as another. Some are bad, some may be just bad for you. You are hiring them as such you have the right to make certain demands. And, don't be afraid of walking awy from a therapist who is not right for you, and finding someone else. You wouldn't keep going to an auto mechanic who is unable to fix your car, nor a hair stylist who keeps giving you the wrong haircut.
I strongly strongly urge you to talk about it with your family and significant other. Relationships are built on trust and communication and if you are locking them out then this is just one more area of your life that will eventually be problematic for you.
Also, be aware that some of what you are writing about feeling ashamed feeds into the stigma that makes it harder to get the assistance you need. You do not have to feel ashamed, you underwent a pretty traumatic experience and went trough a cookie-cutter shrink session that was inadequate for your situation. I hope you would not be ashamed of a broken foot, or of having, say cancer, your experience is one many people have shared, which does not minimize your pain and feelings, but points to the fact that part of the healing may be accepting the damage and not hiding it.
What else...
"Is it normal" Well, the reaction is not abnormal. You may have fixated a lot of emotion and anger at a period of time where your conscious state was wide open and overly impressionistic. But, take that with a grain of salt, please. The real takeaway is you are having reactions that lie perfectly well within what can be expected.
As to what kind of therapy, I would recommend someone who has training in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. (DBT). It has a decent success rate all things considered. Good news is that it is covered by a lot of insurance carriers.
A final note of warning, this is unlikely to be a quick fix. PTSD can be frustrating and difficult to treat. There is no magic cure, you are not going to walk out of the office 3 months down the road and be all better. This is further reason to start talking to your loved ones. Therapy can also be very frustrating, it may well challenge you at times.
But! Take heart, you are on the right path. This is the correct thing to do. You can make it and it is very worthwhile.
Be well, and good luck.
(there may be other things I can help with, feel free to memail if needed)
posted by edgeways at 9:14 PM on August 2, 2011 [4 favorites]
It isn't uncommon for intensely negative reactions, such as PTSD to occur during times in which everything else is going very well. For some people the internal mechanisms seem to register having the rest of your life under control as permission to NOW get down to brass tacks regarding how you are doing mentally. Think of it kind of in relation to the hierarchy of needs, if you have food and shelter you are able to concentrate on other demands, if you don't have food and shelter then it doesn't matter that you also don't have as pressing need to keep yourself safe (for example).
What to tell your therapist? Well, frankly, exactly what you said here. Therapist are like any other profession one is not the same as another. Some are bad, some may be just bad for you. You are hiring them as such you have the right to make certain demands. And, don't be afraid of walking awy from a therapist who is not right for you, and finding someone else. You wouldn't keep going to an auto mechanic who is unable to fix your car, nor a hair stylist who keeps giving you the wrong haircut.
I strongly strongly urge you to talk about it with your family and significant other. Relationships are built on trust and communication and if you are locking them out then this is just one more area of your life that will eventually be problematic for you.
Also, be aware that some of what you are writing about feeling ashamed feeds into the stigma that makes it harder to get the assistance you need. You do not have to feel ashamed, you underwent a pretty traumatic experience and went trough a cookie-cutter shrink session that was inadequate for your situation. I hope you would not be ashamed of a broken foot, or of having, say cancer, your experience is one many people have shared, which does not minimize your pain and feelings, but points to the fact that part of the healing may be accepting the damage and not hiding it.
What else...
"Is it normal" Well, the reaction is not abnormal. You may have fixated a lot of emotion and anger at a period of time where your conscious state was wide open and overly impressionistic. But, take that with a grain of salt, please. The real takeaway is you are having reactions that lie perfectly well within what can be expected.
As to what kind of therapy, I would recommend someone who has training in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. (DBT). It has a decent success rate all things considered. Good news is that it is covered by a lot of insurance carriers.
A final note of warning, this is unlikely to be a quick fix. PTSD can be frustrating and difficult to treat. There is no magic cure, you are not going to walk out of the office 3 months down the road and be all better. This is further reason to start talking to your loved ones. Therapy can also be very frustrating, it may well challenge you at times.
But! Take heart, you are on the right path. This is the correct thing to do. You can make it and it is very worthwhile.
Be well, and good luck.
(there may be other things I can help with, feel free to memail if needed)
posted by edgeways at 9:14 PM on August 2, 2011 [4 favorites]
I don't have PTSD experience, but plenty of anxiety experience. Definitely glad you're giving therapy another chance -- sounds like for whatever reason the one you saw a year ago wasn't a good fit. But like all people, therapists vary so widely in personality, experience, and "fit" with you.
Also, I asked this question about using different tactile stimulators to self soothe -- I did make a little bracelet/cord type thing with the suggestions in the thread and used it in therapy and during other anxious times, for a while.
posted by sweetkid at 9:34 PM on August 2, 2011 [1 favorite]
Also, I asked this question about using different tactile stimulators to self soothe -- I did make a little bracelet/cord type thing with the suggestions in the thread and used it in therapy and during other anxious times, for a while.
posted by sweetkid at 9:34 PM on August 2, 2011 [1 favorite]
I was also going to suggest DBT - one of things that it deals with specifically is how to handle overwhelming emotions. If you to experiment with this approach while you are waiting to get into see someone, this workbook might be a good place to start.
posted by metahawk at 9:39 PM on August 2, 2011
posted by metahawk at 9:39 PM on August 2, 2011
First of all, I want to thank you for this Ask. It's incredibly courageous that you have achieved so much insight having been through so much. Words fail me here because I'm touched by your story.
I'm not outwardly woowoo (I don't look or act the part of some hippy dippy character) but in situations like yours (I've had my share) I found that turning to alternative healing has always helped me more that traditional work - even though I've spent equal time on both.
After a car accident in 2004 that easily could have taken my life, I ended up with physical therapy paid by the insurance which included Seitai massage (kinda like shiatsu massage) and acupuncture. I was told that we often hold on to the emotional effects of trauma in our physical bodies. You agree that anger feels more physical than emotional in a lot of ways, yes? Well, the treatment I received healed anger I had been carrying around for decades. I lost weight. My health improved. That car accident turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me. Learning to pay attention to my body and seek alternative treatments for the deeper healing from physical and emotional negative events is an effective solution I have turned to time and time again since 2004. This has changed my life for the better.
Recently, I gave birth to my first child. Just because I thought it would be a good idea, I booked an appointment with a great acupuncturist for 2 weeks after my son was born. This was a good thing, because I ended up having a c-section, and acupuncture can help with the finer points of healing that western medicine doesn't address. I ended up with complications from the c-section, which had an awful impact on my psychological health (difficult births are traumatic.) I opted to let the acupuncturist handle it and I credit that choice with my 110% recovery within 3 months. Considering the state I was in, this is pretty much a miracle. In fact, I've never been so ill for so long before. I thought I would never feel entirely well again. Eastern medicine takes a while to kick in (months or weeks - you have to consider that has part of the process) but then, suddenly, all the treatments kicked in and I was like WOW.
IRL everyone is kinda amazed at how well I'm doing now considering, but I don't tell most folks about the journey I went on. Most people don't want to hear about stuff they consider woowoo. I don't want them to know. But, hey! I'm anonymous here, so rock on!
I might mention to some people is I think they are open that I did acupuncture recently, but I definitely almost never mention this next part...
I also had a session with this guy because, at a moment when I was thinking alone in my head "hey! it would be great to add this thing on to my process!" someone (pretty much magically) mentioned they saw him after a traumatic even that included a surgery, and he was... kinda WOW.
And he was. Memail if you want details. It is kinda personal so I can't go into much detail here. A session with him is a one-off, not an ongoing thing. He covered a lot of unexpected ground with me. Actually, the whole thing was unexpected. In the end, you have to do the upkeep, but the guy is wise. Really trippy.
----
Whatever happened to you, it is your journey. There are hundreds of different avenues to take as you process it, I definitely learned that after this last experience with a difficult birth. Every situation calls for different solutions.
----
I had an abusive family growing up. After years of traditional therapy, I also did a Process Group experience back in 2007, run by my then therapist, for 2 months. I found that group experience very helpful on top of the regular therapy I was already engaged in. After the group ended, I haven't been back to regular therapy, my life has really taken off and become very successful. I met my wonderful husband, have a great family, and a job I love that pays well.
I would not have any of these blessings if I hadn't done the hard work of therapy every time I saw my abusive upbringing seeping into my life. And I would not have achieved so much success overcoming the obstacles if I hadn't been open to a little extra deeper help (the woowoo) now and then when it felt appropriate.
I'm glad I've done both routes. Just offering that up in case it helps you think outside the box a bit. Don't put all the pressure on yourself as you have been. These things are out there for us to use, so use them when you need to. Like now.
posted by jbenben at 10:56 PM on August 2, 2011 [7 favorites]
I'm not outwardly woowoo (I don't look or act the part of some hippy dippy character) but in situations like yours (I've had my share) I found that turning to alternative healing has always helped me more that traditional work - even though I've spent equal time on both.
After a car accident in 2004 that easily could have taken my life, I ended up with physical therapy paid by the insurance which included Seitai massage (kinda like shiatsu massage) and acupuncture. I was told that we often hold on to the emotional effects of trauma in our physical bodies. You agree that anger feels more physical than emotional in a lot of ways, yes? Well, the treatment I received healed anger I had been carrying around for decades. I lost weight. My health improved. That car accident turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me. Learning to pay attention to my body and seek alternative treatments for the deeper healing from physical and emotional negative events is an effective solution I have turned to time and time again since 2004. This has changed my life for the better.
Recently, I gave birth to my first child. Just because I thought it would be a good idea, I booked an appointment with a great acupuncturist for 2 weeks after my son was born. This was a good thing, because I ended up having a c-section, and acupuncture can help with the finer points of healing that western medicine doesn't address. I ended up with complications from the c-section, which had an awful impact on my psychological health (difficult births are traumatic.) I opted to let the acupuncturist handle it and I credit that choice with my 110% recovery within 3 months. Considering the state I was in, this is pretty much a miracle. In fact, I've never been so ill for so long before. I thought I would never feel entirely well again. Eastern medicine takes a while to kick in (months or weeks - you have to consider that has part of the process) but then, suddenly, all the treatments kicked in and I was like WOW.
IRL everyone is kinda amazed at how well I'm doing now considering, but I don't tell most folks about the journey I went on. Most people don't want to hear about stuff they consider woowoo. I don't want them to know. But, hey! I'm anonymous here, so rock on!
I might mention to some people is I think they are open that I did acupuncture recently, but I definitely almost never mention this next part...
I also had a session with this guy because, at a moment when I was thinking alone in my head "hey! it would be great to add this thing on to my process!" someone (pretty much magically) mentioned they saw him after a traumatic even that included a surgery, and he was... kinda WOW.
And he was. Memail if you want details. It is kinda personal so I can't go into much detail here. A session with him is a one-off, not an ongoing thing. He covered a lot of unexpected ground with me. Actually, the whole thing was unexpected. In the end, you have to do the upkeep, but the guy is wise. Really trippy.
----
Whatever happened to you, it is your journey. There are hundreds of different avenues to take as you process it, I definitely learned that after this last experience with a difficult birth. Every situation calls for different solutions.
----
I had an abusive family growing up. After years of traditional therapy, I also did a Process Group experience back in 2007, run by my then therapist, for 2 months. I found that group experience very helpful on top of the regular therapy I was already engaged in. After the group ended, I haven't been back to regular therapy, my life has really taken off and become very successful. I met my wonderful husband, have a great family, and a job I love that pays well.
I would not have any of these blessings if I hadn't done the hard work of therapy every time I saw my abusive upbringing seeping into my life. And I would not have achieved so much success overcoming the obstacles if I hadn't been open to a little extra deeper help (the woowoo) now and then when it felt appropriate.
I'm glad I've done both routes. Just offering that up in case it helps you think outside the box a bit. Don't put all the pressure on yourself as you have been. These things are out there for us to use, so use them when you need to. Like now.
posted by jbenben at 10:56 PM on August 2, 2011 [7 favorites]
Someone close to me treats people with PTSD, and while she was training in how to do biofeedback, she practiced on me. It is deeply, deeply soothing.
posted by Sara Anne at 11:18 PM on August 2, 2011
posted by Sara Anne at 11:18 PM on August 2, 2011
Oh!
I forgot to mention that suddenly, after 2 years married to my wonderful husband, I found I needed to do something. I was SO FUCKING BLOODY ANGRY at my parents. After 2 years experiencing a GREAT marriage, I knew for sure my parents had lied to me about what marriage and family meant. They tried (in vain) to convince me I should be accepting of sub-standard treatment because that was "normal." No. No it wasn't normal. After trying (like you) to shrug off this realization with my conscious mind, I considered regular therapy, but eventually choose to do a few session of hypnotherapy.
Hypnotherapy (with the right person) rocked for resolving my anger. After I was done with that, I finally got pregnant after trying for 2 years with no success.
I like to think the hypnotherapy helped. It is a much shorter process than traditional therapy, and just kinda "bumped up" everything I already knew to do as a result of years of traditional therapy.
I'm a pretty well-adjusted happy person now. I am an anomaly. Kids like me don't turn out to have loving healthy families. We just don't. I see a hundred places I could have slipped back into bad habits, a thousand times where the PTSD from growing up with an abusive parent could have overwhelmed me when combined with extraordinary traumatic events that happen to everyone at one point or another as Life happens.
Again, you are very wise and courageous to address what happened to you.
Don't be surprised if other, seemingly unrelated, issues come up.
We are the sum total of our disparate parts. Things come up. We deal.
posted by jbenben at 11:25 PM on August 2, 2011
I forgot to mention that suddenly, after 2 years married to my wonderful husband, I found I needed to do something. I was SO FUCKING BLOODY ANGRY at my parents. After 2 years experiencing a GREAT marriage, I knew for sure my parents had lied to me about what marriage and family meant. They tried (in vain) to convince me I should be accepting of sub-standard treatment because that was "normal." No. No it wasn't normal. After trying (like you) to shrug off this realization with my conscious mind, I considered regular therapy, but eventually choose to do a few session of hypnotherapy.
Hypnotherapy (with the right person) rocked for resolving my anger. After I was done with that, I finally got pregnant after trying for 2 years with no success.
I like to think the hypnotherapy helped. It is a much shorter process than traditional therapy, and just kinda "bumped up" everything I already knew to do as a result of years of traditional therapy.
I'm a pretty well-adjusted happy person now. I am an anomaly. Kids like me don't turn out to have loving healthy families. We just don't. I see a hundred places I could have slipped back into bad habits, a thousand times where the PTSD from growing up with an abusive parent could have overwhelmed me when combined with extraordinary traumatic events that happen to everyone at one point or another as Life happens.
Again, you are very wise and courageous to address what happened to you.
Don't be surprised if other, seemingly unrelated, issues come up.
We are the sum total of our disparate parts. Things come up. We deal.
posted by jbenben at 11:25 PM on August 2, 2011
A therapist I know socially uses Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) in her practice. Having always tried to be up on this sort of stuff, I hear it is very successful. I'm sure I would have sought this out way back when if I had known about it at the time.
My understanding is that this is also a shorter process than talk therapy. Much more useful if you do both, together.
----
Sorry to keep adding stuff on. I had a tough childhood. I did a lot of work. I did a lot of research. I tried a lot of stuff to insure I would become the adult I wanted to be, untainted by my negative experiences. Science-wise, PTSD is PTSD. I think my research and experiences apply to at least aspects of your situation.
You will get past this. I'm throwing out lots of options, but you will find the right way for you on your own. For some reason, that seems to be how the process works.
posted by jbenben at 11:36 PM on August 2, 2011
My understanding is that this is also a shorter process than talk therapy. Much more useful if you do both, together.
----
Sorry to keep adding stuff on. I had a tough childhood. I did a lot of work. I did a lot of research. I tried a lot of stuff to insure I would become the adult I wanted to be, untainted by my negative experiences. Science-wise, PTSD is PTSD. I think my research and experiences apply to at least aspects of your situation.
You will get past this. I'm throwing out lots of options, but you will find the right way for you on your own. For some reason, that seems to be how the process works.
posted by jbenben at 11:36 PM on August 2, 2011
Medication, high intensity aerobic exercise, martial arts, yoga. In that order.
posted by Ahab at 12:10 AM on August 3, 2011
posted by Ahab at 12:10 AM on August 3, 2011
Do you still have lingering physical pain? I got a case of whiplash this year that until i treated it with deep tissue massage and absolutely hardcore power yoga I silently wanted to choke everyone I saw. I was not much fun to be around. It is not unusual for you to feel this way after such a serious thing that you went to. You are not alone. Try again meeting with a therapist on your terms to deal with what you want to deal with. If they are unwilling then fire their ass. I wish you all the best.
posted by dobie at 1:09 AM on August 3, 2011
posted by dobie at 1:09 AM on August 3, 2011
Is there a texture or smell that you find relaxing?
Maybe velvet, cotton balls, vanilla, or lavender? Find a way to carry a soothing thing with you. Scent, texture, maybe a small stone that you can keep in your pocket and rub at difficult moments.
DBT has many other techniques. Search "DBT self soothing" and I bet you'll find some lists.
Admitting to yourself and then us that you are feeling unhealthy things that won't just go away is a huge, important step to regaining and strengthening your inner calm confident self. After you choose a new therapist, and admit this to them, that person will hopefully help you make a plan for dealing with various levels of seniority.
posted by bilabial at 2:26 AM on August 3, 2011
Maybe velvet, cotton balls, vanilla, or lavender? Find a way to carry a soothing thing with you. Scent, texture, maybe a small stone that you can keep in your pocket and rub at difficult moments.
DBT has many other techniques. Search "DBT self soothing" and I bet you'll find some lists.
Admitting to yourself and then us that you are feeling unhealthy things that won't just go away is a huge, important step to regaining and strengthening your inner calm confident self. After you choose a new therapist, and admit this to them, that person will hopefully help you make a plan for dealing with various levels of seniority.
posted by bilabial at 2:26 AM on August 3, 2011
Seconding (thirding?) EMDR for when you do start therapy again. It helped me so much with my own PTSD that I'm still amazed.
For the time being, however, I like bilabial's suggestions. Also, deep breathing exercises and mindfulness techniques might be of help. Both of these really helped me cope when things were just too intense.
I know that your previous experiences with guided meditation didn't help as much as you would have liked, so please feel free to disregard the following. This kind of guided mindfulness meditation helped me return to the moment and a calmer semblance of myself back when I was feeling that horrible anger and anxiety. I especially like where he (the man speaking in the audio) mentions compassion and patience with yourself.
Feel free to MeMail me if you like...
posted by MelanieL at 4:12 AM on August 3, 2011
For the time being, however, I like bilabial's suggestions. Also, deep breathing exercises and mindfulness techniques might be of help. Both of these really helped me cope when things were just too intense.
I know that your previous experiences with guided meditation didn't help as much as you would have liked, so please feel free to disregard the following. This kind of guided mindfulness meditation helped me return to the moment and a calmer semblance of myself back when I was feeling that horrible anger and anxiety. I especially like where he (the man speaking in the audio) mentions compassion and patience with yourself.
Feel free to MeMail me if you like...
posted by MelanieL at 4:12 AM on August 3, 2011
"Those who do not have power over the story that dominates their lives, power to retell it, to rethink it, deconstruct it, joke about it, and change it as times change, truly are powerless, because they cannot think new thoughts." ~Salman Rushdie
You need to tell your story. Tell it to your partner, your family, your friends. Let it out. That's what the anger and shame are, your story wanting to work its way out. There's no room in your life for new, positive experiences until that story gets out of the way. Keeping it in gives it too much prominence in your head.
posted by headnsouth at 5:41 AM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
You need to tell your story. Tell it to your partner, your family, your friends. Let it out. That's what the anger and shame are, your story wanting to work its way out. There's no room in your life for new, positive experiences until that story gets out of the way. Keeping it in gives it too much prominence in your head.
posted by headnsouth at 5:41 AM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
I think it's also important for you to realize that it's okay to allow yourself to feel angry and realize that this anger doesn't make you a bad/crazy/freaky person. A terrible thing happened to you that was out of your control, and that kind of helplessness tends to be coupled with a lot of anger. By holding it all inside so tightly, you're letting it control you, and consume you.
I have a lot of anger management issues myself. The best way I've found to get over the everyday random seething is to look at each moment that enrages me and imagine I'm explaining exactly why I'm so mad to an uninvolved observer. Usually that's enough to help me realize when my anger is misplaced or irrational or overblown.
Also, as others mentioned above, therapy is about being an active participant in the healing process. If your therapist refuses to address issues that are important to you, give that therapist the boot and find someone who WILL let you let it all out. And furthermore, TELL that bad therapist why they are impeding your road to recovery. Don't hold that inside either!
posted by elizardbits at 5:45 AM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
I have a lot of anger management issues myself. The best way I've found to get over the everyday random seething is to look at each moment that enrages me and imagine I'm explaining exactly why I'm so mad to an uninvolved observer. Usually that's enough to help me realize when my anger is misplaced or irrational or overblown.
Also, as others mentioned above, therapy is about being an active participant in the healing process. If your therapist refuses to address issues that are important to you, give that therapist the boot and find someone who WILL let you let it all out. And furthermore, TELL that bad therapist why they are impeding your road to recovery. Don't hold that inside either!
posted by elizardbits at 5:45 AM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
Well, no mistaking my leanings by my username and I'm out and proud about my woo-woo creds. :)
Jbenben has it right, IMO. The body definitely holds on to trauma and all kinds of things and alternative methods (often used in conjunction with other kinds of more traditional therapies) can really help in cases like this. While I'm not personally familiar with the practitioner JBenben mentioned, I AM familiar with the methods and theory of his work and it feels to me like it might be worth your time to investigate it.
I also want to acknowledge your courage in opening up about it.
MefiMail me if you want. Happy to help however I can. Good luck to you!
posted by Mysticalchick at 6:11 AM on August 3, 2011
Jbenben has it right, IMO. The body definitely holds on to trauma and all kinds of things and alternative methods (often used in conjunction with other kinds of more traditional therapies) can really help in cases like this. While I'm not personally familiar with the practitioner JBenben mentioned, I AM familiar with the methods and theory of his work and it feels to me like it might be worth your time to investigate it.
I also want to acknowledge your courage in opening up about it.
MefiMail me if you want. Happy to help however I can. Good luck to you!
posted by Mysticalchick at 6:11 AM on August 3, 2011
Seconding elizardbits. You say, about your potential therapist, I certainly don't want to offend him/her with a list of demands. A therapist's job is to hear what you have to say in the way that you need to say it. You can also say (along with your angry demands) that you don't want to offend him/her and that you're aware of how you must sound, but any therapist who can't deal with your anger without taking offense is wrong for you. Find someone else. Anger isn't something to be disposed of. It has to be understood/worked through. You're not angry because of a chemical imbalance but for real experienced reasons. (IANYT, etc.)
posted by Obscure Reference at 6:16 AM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Obscure Reference at 6:16 AM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
I have PTSD.
Part of what helped me immensely in therapy (though I don't necessarily recommend this to others) was that I HATED the idea of going into therapy and only did it as a last resort. While this made me somewhat resistant, it also made me, as a pretty logical person, realize that if I don't give this absolutely 100% I was wasting my time and money.
I believe therapy works for me because I work very hard. I also do not suffer fools. I went through about 15 therapists before I found one that was right for me. I have an AWESOME therapist. She's not perfect but she is awesome.
I would not be here today had I not been 100% focused on finding some relief.
It sounds like you are at that place. In the interim, I was very much helped by the PTSD workbook. It didn't solve anything but it was there for some insight and assistance when I needed some. Also, you may be able to get a bit of a head start on therapy with it, which isn't a bad thing.
I'm around if you want to PM me.
posted by Sophie1 at 6:48 AM on August 3, 2011
Part of what helped me immensely in therapy (though I don't necessarily recommend this to others) was that I HATED the idea of going into therapy and only did it as a last resort. While this made me somewhat resistant, it also made me, as a pretty logical person, realize that if I don't give this absolutely 100% I was wasting my time and money.
I believe therapy works for me because I work very hard. I also do not suffer fools. I went through about 15 therapists before I found one that was right for me. I have an AWESOME therapist. She's not perfect but she is awesome.
I would not be here today had I not been 100% focused on finding some relief.
It sounds like you are at that place. In the interim, I was very much helped by the PTSD workbook. It didn't solve anything but it was there for some insight and assistance when I needed some. Also, you may be able to get a bit of a head start on therapy with it, which isn't a bad thing.
I'm around if you want to PM me.
posted by Sophie1 at 6:48 AM on August 3, 2011
As I've mentioned in previous threads, I also have PTSD, which is much better than it was three years ago, but still knocks the wind out of me at the oddest times.
Some advice that really helps me is to practice self soothing when I don't need it. I know, this probably sounds pretty wacky to people who haven't had trauma, but it's easier to recall something in a time of distress if you've practiced it before. So your scent, or your texture? Take them out and feel them when things are going great! Set a few times a day when you sneak your hand into your pocket and remind yourself that it's there. This way, when you feel the rage, you're more likely to reach into your pocket. And, you're more likely to continue to associate the pleasant thing with relaxation.
You can also use images for self soothing. Is there a beach you love? A person who radiates calm and compassion (The Dalai Lama, or maybe an actress?)? A comfortable chair and a good book? Find a picture of this and again, keep it in your pocket. Maybe laminate it, so it holds up better to the abuse of everyday life.
There's also a self soothing technique called opposite action. This can be as simple as smiling. Smile big. HUGE. Laugh even if you're crying and hypervenitillating. Or go for a walk. Or sing show tunes. Basically, act the oppositie of how you are feeling.
For breathing techniques, one that's really helpful is just to focus on the breath. In DBT this is referred to as Observing. Feel the air come into your body. Feel it leave. Feel your face muscles relax with each breath. Feel your abdoment and shoulders move. Count how long an in breath and an out breath takes.
You mentioned that you find yourself being petty and picky with people. You can cut this off by practicing observing them. What are they wearing? What exactly are they saying? How is their posture? Is there any emotion in their voice? What are they sitting on? etc. It's very easy to make assumptions about people, and focusing on what's truly in front of us can help prevent some of that in stressful times.
There are so many more, but I want to leave you with a hard but very helpful one. Don't judge crying. Tears are not a sign of weakness. They are nothing to be ashamed of. They are a very effective physical response. They communicate to you. If you shut them down, you're turning off one of your body (and mind)'s ways of letting you know that something is not right. Also, don't just your emotions as positive or negative. Instead, think of them as pleasant or unpleasant. Productive or unproductive. Fear can be very productive if it keeps you out of danger. But it can be unproductive if it's keeping you in the house, or preventing you from sharing your pain with loved ones. The same goes with anger. The only halfway-positive thing that I've been able to do is keep most of the anger inside. But it still leaks out. It's leaking out because your body and soul don't want to hold onto it. It's like if you ate rat poison but didn't want to embarass yourself by vomiting. You gotta get it out. To contine that metaphor, you're on your way to getting medical help, and that is good. But, a littlepuking crying will help. Observe the crying. What happened right before it started? Were you also hungry, tired, lonely? Who was there? Where were you? What were you thinking? Is this a situation that has upset you before? Try to make notes, so that you can share this with your new therapist and maybe look for patterns.
You are on a good path toward healing yourself. Like I said earlier this morning - admitting this to yourself, and to us is huge. You deserve to give yourself so much credit for that brave action. Because without having done that, you would not be able to move forward from where you were yesterday. You are beautiful and strong. Don't forget that.
If you want to type out your story and share the emotions of it, feel free to email it to me. I promise to keep it confidential. And as a fellow PTSD haver (I could say sufferer, but I don't like that word today, for some reason), I've been in your spot.
OK, one more, I had to look this one up because I couldn't remember what all the letters stand for.
ACCEPTS – Distracting from painful emotional thoughts.
Activities – hobbies, games, etc. do you have a regularly scheduled activity?
Comparisons – comparing oneself to people coping less well celebrate that you told us!
Contributing – doing things for others offer a glass of water. compliment a shirt. etc
Opposite Emotions – experiencing music or books which elicit other emotions pick a song
Pushing Away – imagining negative thoughts in a “box” or “on a shelf” I use a conveyor belt in a factory. They just fall off the end of the belt
Thoughts – counting, car “games”
Sensations – holding ice, hot shower, hard exercise you can use your scent here
posted by bilabial at 8:58 AM on August 3, 2011 [5 favorites]
Some advice that really helps me is to practice self soothing when I don't need it. I know, this probably sounds pretty wacky to people who haven't had trauma, but it's easier to recall something in a time of distress if you've practiced it before. So your scent, or your texture? Take them out and feel them when things are going great! Set a few times a day when you sneak your hand into your pocket and remind yourself that it's there. This way, when you feel the rage, you're more likely to reach into your pocket. And, you're more likely to continue to associate the pleasant thing with relaxation.
You can also use images for self soothing. Is there a beach you love? A person who radiates calm and compassion (The Dalai Lama, or maybe an actress?)? A comfortable chair and a good book? Find a picture of this and again, keep it in your pocket. Maybe laminate it, so it holds up better to the abuse of everyday life.
There's also a self soothing technique called opposite action. This can be as simple as smiling. Smile big. HUGE. Laugh even if you're crying and hypervenitillating. Or go for a walk. Or sing show tunes. Basically, act the oppositie of how you are feeling.
For breathing techniques, one that's really helpful is just to focus on the breath. In DBT this is referred to as Observing. Feel the air come into your body. Feel it leave. Feel your face muscles relax with each breath. Feel your abdoment and shoulders move. Count how long an in breath and an out breath takes.
You mentioned that you find yourself being petty and picky with people. You can cut this off by practicing observing them. What are they wearing? What exactly are they saying? How is their posture? Is there any emotion in their voice? What are they sitting on? etc. It's very easy to make assumptions about people, and focusing on what's truly in front of us can help prevent some of that in stressful times.
There are so many more, but I want to leave you with a hard but very helpful one. Don't judge crying. Tears are not a sign of weakness. They are nothing to be ashamed of. They are a very effective physical response. They communicate to you. If you shut them down, you're turning off one of your body (and mind)'s ways of letting you know that something is not right. Also, don't just your emotions as positive or negative. Instead, think of them as pleasant or unpleasant. Productive or unproductive. Fear can be very productive if it keeps you out of danger. But it can be unproductive if it's keeping you in the house, or preventing you from sharing your pain with loved ones. The same goes with anger. The only halfway-positive thing that I've been able to do is keep most of the anger inside. But it still leaks out. It's leaking out because your body and soul don't want to hold onto it. It's like if you ate rat poison but didn't want to embarass yourself by vomiting. You gotta get it out. To contine that metaphor, you're on your way to getting medical help, and that is good. But, a little
You are on a good path toward healing yourself. Like I said earlier this morning - admitting this to yourself, and to us is huge. You deserve to give yourself so much credit for that brave action. Because without having done that, you would not be able to move forward from where you were yesterday. You are beautiful and strong. Don't forget that.
If you want to type out your story and share the emotions of it, feel free to email it to me. I promise to keep it confidential. And as a fellow PTSD haver (I could say sufferer, but I don't like that word today, for some reason), I've been in your spot.
OK, one more, I had to look this one up because I couldn't remember what all the letters stand for.
ACCEPTS – Distracting from painful emotional thoughts.
Activities – hobbies, games, etc. do you have a regularly scheduled activity?
Comparisons – comparing oneself to people coping less well celebrate that you told us!
Contributing – doing things for others offer a glass of water. compliment a shirt. etc
Opposite Emotions – experiencing music or books which elicit other emotions pick a song
Pushing Away – imagining negative thoughts in a “box” or “on a shelf” I use a conveyor belt in a factory. They just fall off the end of the belt
Thoughts – counting, car “games”
Sensations – holding ice, hot shower, hard exercise you can use your scent here
posted by bilabial at 8:58 AM on August 3, 2011 [5 favorites]
I was in a serious car accident three years ago (this month in fact) and looking back now I can see that I was a wreck for about 18 months. It's a terrifying thing to have to face your own own physical vulnerability, and I can't imagine how much harder it is when others died in the same incident. Don't feel ashamed, you're dealing with something most people haven't. I know a lot of my anger came from the resentment that other people could maintain a certain kind of innocence that I'd now lost, but it got much better and now I can look at my slightly wonky face without feeling fear or anger over what happened - just acceptance.
You will feel better, it'll take time, but you will. When you feel it rising just stop what you're doing and breath slowly, let it pass through you, cry if you need to, just remember that it's all part of the process and totally, totally normal. If you do find a therapist you can absolutely tell them up front that you want to talk about the accident. Anyone who says you shouldn't isn't someone you need to continue seeing. A few counselling sessions in which I focussed purely on the accident really helped me a great deal. All the best to you, sounds like you're made of strong stuff.
posted by freya_lamb at 9:34 AM on August 3, 2011
You will feel better, it'll take time, but you will. When you feel it rising just stop what you're doing and breath slowly, let it pass through you, cry if you need to, just remember that it's all part of the process and totally, totally normal. If you do find a therapist you can absolutely tell them up front that you want to talk about the accident. Anyone who says you shouldn't isn't someone you need to continue seeing. A few counselling sessions in which I focussed purely on the accident really helped me a great deal. All the best to you, sounds like you're made of strong stuff.
posted by freya_lamb at 9:34 AM on August 3, 2011
Sorry, that should read: someone you don't need to continue seeing.
posted by freya_lamb at 9:36 AM on August 3, 2011
posted by freya_lamb at 9:36 AM on August 3, 2011
I also have PTSD and just wanted to nth dialectical behavioral therapy.
For years I went through a lot of therapists that provoked very little change in me. Then I did DBT for a year and it was absolutely essential in getting my life on track for the better. I was able to work through so much emotional sludge and learn skills to cope with and regulate the effects of my PTSD.
Two years after I had finished the therapy, I started having a really hard time with flashbacks and panic attacks again. I realized I hadn't been doing the skills I learned and started going through the workbook again. You definitely have to make some effort to incorporate the skills into your daily life until it can become a habit. That's why doing the weekly group therapy is a great start. I recommend doing a google search for DBT therapists in your city and go from there.
I wish you the best on your path to recovery. It will get better. Feel free to message me if you have any questions or just need someone to talk to.
posted by side effect at 11:21 AM on August 3, 2011
For years I went through a lot of therapists that provoked very little change in me. Then I did DBT for a year and it was absolutely essential in getting my life on track for the better. I was able to work through so much emotional sludge and learn skills to cope with and regulate the effects of my PTSD.
Two years after I had finished the therapy, I started having a really hard time with flashbacks and panic attacks again. I realized I hadn't been doing the skills I learned and started going through the workbook again. You definitely have to make some effort to incorporate the skills into your daily life until it can become a habit. That's why doing the weekly group therapy is a great start. I recommend doing a google search for DBT therapists in your city and go from there.
I wish you the best on your path to recovery. It will get better. Feel free to message me if you have any questions or just need someone to talk to.
posted by side effect at 11:21 AM on August 3, 2011
If you haven't already done so you should consider also investigating the possibility that you are suffering from the effects of a traumatic brain injury.
Keeping everything inside is not "halfway positive". It is part of the problem. You need to start talking honestly to the people you love and who love you so that they can support you finding resolution to your troubles. Would you want your loved ones to suffer in silence because they were ashamed to tell you they were suffering the persistent effects of a traumatic accident?
posted by nanojath at 12:34 PM on August 3, 2011
Keeping everything inside is not "halfway positive". It is part of the problem. You need to start talking honestly to the people you love and who love you so that they can support you finding resolution to your troubles. Would you want your loved ones to suffer in silence because they were ashamed to tell you they were suffering the persistent effects of a traumatic accident?
posted by nanojath at 12:34 PM on August 3, 2011
Perhaps you can design some music therapy for yourself? When I was going through a year all twisted up by intense anger over work-related situations out of my control, I used to come home and purge it all by listening to particular music, in a particular way: first, about an hour's worth of music filled with anger, despair and doom, followed by something sweet and peaceful. During the "mad music," I would cry and scream and beat my fists on the floor. Once, I put on an old raggy shirt so I could rend my garment (that felt really good). I would feel and express the anger until I felt drained, then lie down and enjoy the peace-y music. Once in a while I would end up laughing, realizing that what I was doing must look quite ridiculous. (Obviously, it's best to do this alone, or if there's anyone around, let them know what you're up to so they don't freak out.)
posted by Corvid at 1:22 PM on August 3, 2011
posted by Corvid at 1:22 PM on August 3, 2011
I have PTSD, too. Anger is normal. Having everything "come up" when your life is going well is also normal.
So great that you're pursuing treatment again after a sub-optimal experience - I know how hard that can be!
I think you can see the things that help across the spectrum based on the answers given in common, which is hopefully useful; these are the specific things I've found helpful or can otherwise personally endorse:
If there's a way to ask for an action/results-oriented therapist, that's a pretty good way to shortcut to someone who will work on giving you coping skills that will improve your functionality and emotional equilibrium. As others have said above, asking specifically for therapists with expertise in DBT/CBT/EMDR can get you closer (no guarantees there, though - you may still have to sift through some Goldilocks choices).
Workbooks are ideal for focusing on yourself and gaining understanding of your internal landscape, with the added benefit of providing a resource to look back on when you need it (or are curious about how far you've come/accomplished a particular transition/are stuck). The DBT and CBT workbooks are as useful as the PTSD one must be (need to get that!).
It does seem like you're focusing on the positive to get yourself through this, but, as others referenced above, letting yourself work through the rage in some fashion might be just what you need. The classic pillow screaming/punching might work, and letting go to a cathartic soundtrack certainly has history as successful relief ... but you also might consider actual boxing/martial arts (the latter has a tradition of helping reclaim personal power), writing out your story with all the ugly parts and angry tangents intact (you don't even need to read it after), or (maybe the gentlest/most difficult of all) taking activist opportunities related to your experience so you can funnel the anger into a net positive.
Mindful breathing helps a LOT. Giving yourself compassion for not feeling yourself does, too. Making both mental and physical space where you can just "be" in a contented fashion is vital, I think.
Whatever you end up doing, I hope you feel strengthened by knowing you're not alone, that this is normal, that you are doing the best you can and no one can ask you to do more. I wish you healing and peace ... and good luck in finding the ideal therapist!
posted by batmonkey at 3:46 PM on August 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
So great that you're pursuing treatment again after a sub-optimal experience - I know how hard that can be!
I think you can see the things that help across the spectrum based on the answers given in common, which is hopefully useful; these are the specific things I've found helpful or can otherwise personally endorse:
If there's a way to ask for an action/results-oriented therapist, that's a pretty good way to shortcut to someone who will work on giving you coping skills that will improve your functionality and emotional equilibrium. As others have said above, asking specifically for therapists with expertise in DBT/CBT/EMDR can get you closer (no guarantees there, though - you may still have to sift through some Goldilocks choices).
Workbooks are ideal for focusing on yourself and gaining understanding of your internal landscape, with the added benefit of providing a resource to look back on when you need it (or are curious about how far you've come/accomplished a particular transition/are stuck). The DBT and CBT workbooks are as useful as the PTSD one must be (need to get that!).
It does seem like you're focusing on the positive to get yourself through this, but, as others referenced above, letting yourself work through the rage in some fashion might be just what you need. The classic pillow screaming/punching might work, and letting go to a cathartic soundtrack certainly has history as successful relief ... but you also might consider actual boxing/martial arts (the latter has a tradition of helping reclaim personal power), writing out your story with all the ugly parts and angry tangents intact (you don't even need to read it after), or (maybe the gentlest/most difficult of all) taking activist opportunities related to your experience so you can funnel the anger into a net positive.
Mindful breathing helps a LOT. Giving yourself compassion for not feeling yourself does, too. Making both mental and physical space where you can just "be" in a contented fashion is vital, I think.
Whatever you end up doing, I hope you feel strengthened by knowing you're not alone, that this is normal, that you are doing the best you can and no one can ask you to do more. I wish you healing and peace ... and good luck in finding the ideal therapist!
posted by batmonkey at 3:46 PM on August 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
The classic pillow screaming/punching might work,
DBT as a modality actually STRONGLY advises against this. Because it sets up a feedback spiral in the brain. It's been shown that screaming or hitting actually increases the rage and anger, while opposite action such as smiling or humming has been shown to increase feelings of calm.
posted by bilabial at 12:08 PM on August 5, 2011
DBT as a modality actually STRONGLY advises against this. Because it sets up a feedback spiral in the brain. It's been shown that screaming or hitting actually increases the rage and anger, while opposite action such as smiling or humming has been shown to increase feelings of calm.
posted by bilabial at 12:08 PM on August 5, 2011
huh! i guess i haven't reached that part yet - thanks!
posted by batmonkey at 2:15 PM on August 5, 2011
posted by batmonkey at 2:15 PM on August 5, 2011
You're welcome. I came from a very scream-y family and I never understood why they didn't feel better after a big scream fest.
Then, therapy! For me, not them.
posted by bilabial at 2:22 PM on August 5, 2011
Then, therapy! For me, not them.
posted by bilabial at 2:22 PM on August 5, 2011
The classic pillow screaming/punching is mainly useful for people who have difficulty expressing anger. In this case, the problem is one of expressing anger inappropriately.
posted by Obscure Reference at 3:29 PM on August 5, 2011
posted by Obscure Reference at 3:29 PM on August 5, 2011
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