How to find out if letters are getting to my incarcerated friend?
July 18, 2011 10:59 AM Subscribe
How can I find out whether my incarcerated friend got my letter?
A few months ago I discovered that an old friend is in federal prison, and has been there for more than 20 years. When we knew each other I was aware that he was getting into the criminal "field" that led to his incarceration. I left the state we lived in about five years before he was busted. He was an interesting guy, and a real friend to my then-husband and me. He and I really liked each other and had many enjoyable conversations.
When I found out that he was in prison I wrote to him. It was a short letter where I told him how sorry I was that he was incarcerated, asked if there was anything I could send him, wished him well, and told him if he wanted to write back I’d like to hear from him.
About 10 days later I received a long (four pages), handwritten letter from him that said, among other things, that my letter was a “good gift.” He invited me to write back, which I did. I have not heard from him since. After three weeks of not hearing from him, I sent a short letter that said, “Dear ______, I wrote you more than three weeks ago, and thought by now I would have heard back. I guess there are several possibilities: you received the letter and don’t care to write back, you received the letter and haven’t had a chance to write back, or you haven’t received the letter.
I’m mostly concerned that you didn’t receive my letter. If you did and simply don’t want to continue writing, or haven’t had a chance to reply, please drop me a quick note to let me know. If I don’t hear from you in the next 10 days, I will assume you didn’t get the letter and I will make some noise about it.”
So, that’s where it stands, as I still have not heard back from him. It makes me terribly sad to think that he could be wondering why I haven’t written again, and although it’s possible, it doesn’t seem plausible that after his initial response he would decide not to respond without at least letting me know. Is there really a possibility that he has not received my letters? They were addressed correctly, and a federal inmate search shows he is still at the facility where I wrote him. If I decide to pursue it, is there a way to word a letter to some authority at the prison that voices my concerns but won’t result in trouble for my friend? Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
A few months ago I discovered that an old friend is in federal prison, and has been there for more than 20 years. When we knew each other I was aware that he was getting into the criminal "field" that led to his incarceration. I left the state we lived in about five years before he was busted. He was an interesting guy, and a real friend to my then-husband and me. He and I really liked each other and had many enjoyable conversations.
When I found out that he was in prison I wrote to him. It was a short letter where I told him how sorry I was that he was incarcerated, asked if there was anything I could send him, wished him well, and told him if he wanted to write back I’d like to hear from him.
About 10 days later I received a long (four pages), handwritten letter from him that said, among other things, that my letter was a “good gift.” He invited me to write back, which I did. I have not heard from him since. After three weeks of not hearing from him, I sent a short letter that said, “Dear ______, I wrote you more than three weeks ago, and thought by now I would have heard back. I guess there are several possibilities: you received the letter and don’t care to write back, you received the letter and haven’t had a chance to write back, or you haven’t received the letter.
I’m mostly concerned that you didn’t receive my letter. If you did and simply don’t want to continue writing, or haven’t had a chance to reply, please drop me a quick note to let me know. If I don’t hear from you in the next 10 days, I will assume you didn’t get the letter and I will make some noise about it.”
So, that’s where it stands, as I still have not heard back from him. It makes me terribly sad to think that he could be wondering why I haven’t written again, and although it’s possible, it doesn’t seem plausible that after his initial response he would decide not to respond without at least letting me know. Is there really a possibility that he has not received my letters? They were addressed correctly, and a federal inmate search shows he is still at the facility where I wrote him. If I decide to pursue it, is there a way to word a letter to some authority at the prison that voices my concerns but won’t result in trouble for my friend? Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
Possibly he doesn't have the means (stamps or stationary) to write you
posted by Monday at 11:34 AM on July 18, 2011
posted by Monday at 11:34 AM on July 18, 2011
Best answer: I asked my formerly incarcerated friend what a lack of reply might be and received pretty much the same answers that this thread has already given
1) if he moved, 3 weeks between responses is no time at all, and even if he hasn't, letters can, for unknown reasons, take a long time to reach somebody in prison
2) sending paper and stamps is something has always been recommended to me by those who have been on the receiving end of letters.
Also, sometimes, even after 20 years but especially if you are hearing from someone who you knew from before that time period, facing up to where you are at is really, really hard, and communicating with someone on the outside can bring up a lot of stuff that you don't deal with on a daily basis because you're just focused on living. So give him time, and if you can write without receiving responses, try to write again, because those letters truly are a great gift.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:43 AM on July 18, 2011
1) if he moved, 3 weeks between responses is no time at all, and even if he hasn't, letters can, for unknown reasons, take a long time to reach somebody in prison
2) sending paper and stamps is something has always been recommended to me by those who have been on the receiving end of letters.
Also, sometimes, even after 20 years but especially if you are hearing from someone who you knew from before that time period, facing up to where you are at is really, really hard, and communicating with someone on the outside can bring up a lot of stuff that you don't deal with on a daily basis because you're just focused on living. So give him time, and if you can write without receiving responses, try to write again, because those letters truly are a great gift.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:43 AM on July 18, 2011
Sometimes it takes three weeks (or more) just for letters to work their way through the internal prison mechanisms (which include scanning in the letters, if what an inmate at my local state prison told me last week is true). So you probably just have to be more patient, unfortunately. I mail parole clothing and we are told to mail a month in advance to make sure it gets to them in time. Two other possibilities: he got in some trouble and has had privileges suspended, or he doesn't have any stamps.
posted by JenMarie at 11:52 AM on July 18, 2011
posted by JenMarie at 11:52 AM on July 18, 2011
(also, what inmates mail out is scrutinized, so you are looking at delays in each direction)
posted by JenMarie at 11:54 AM on July 18, 2011
posted by JenMarie at 11:54 AM on July 18, 2011
I correspond with a friend of my husband's who is incarcerated. Our letters frequently overlap. He says he writes back as soon as he gets a letter from us, but I think there's a processing delay at the jail.
Also, I now write a special code on the envelope that helps the prison mail service sort the letter to his wing/arm/section. He gave us that code so the mail would move faster. Do you have anything like that from your friend? You might be able to find it out with a phone call or web search.
posted by vickyverky at 12:30 PM on July 18, 2011
Also, I now write a special code on the envelope that helps the prison mail service sort the letter to his wing/arm/section. He gave us that code so the mail would move faster. Do you have anything like that from your friend? You might be able to find it out with a phone call or web search.
posted by vickyverky at 12:30 PM on July 18, 2011
Maybe you could visit, and ask?
posted by oceanjesse at 2:11 PM on July 18, 2011
posted by oceanjesse at 2:11 PM on July 18, 2011
Response by poster: To visit, you have to get on an inmate's visitor's list, at the inmate's request.
posted by Dolley at 4:07 PM on July 18, 2011
posted by Dolley at 4:07 PM on July 18, 2011
Best answer: Just FYI, that Bureau of Prisons online federal inmate search is not always accurate. I had a client who was consistenly listed as being "in transit" in one state, when in fact she was at a prison in an entirely different state, then at a county jail, then released altogether. The BOP website location never changed throughout that time (in my case she was actually in the custody of the U.S. Marshals, not the BOP, so YMMV). Finally I called the duty attorney at my district's Federal Public Defender who was able to call the Marshals' office and figure out where she actually was.
Is there a way to contact his previous attorney to find out for sure where he is? The attorney may also be able to set up a phone call with him to ask if he's received your letters. If you don't know who the attorney was, you might call the FPD office in the district where he was sentenced, they very well could have represented him. They are very busy and they of course can't give you any confidential information, but they might be willing to help a former client stay in touch with outside friends.
posted by janerica at 5:46 PM on July 18, 2011
Is there a way to contact his previous attorney to find out for sure where he is? The attorney may also be able to set up a phone call with him to ask if he's received your letters. If you don't know who the attorney was, you might call the FPD office in the district where he was sentenced, they very well could have represented him. They are very busy and they of course can't give you any confidential information, but they might be willing to help a former client stay in touch with outside friends.
posted by janerica at 5:46 PM on July 18, 2011
Response by poster: Turns out he got my letter, just took a long time to get back to me. I'm happy to say we're still corresponding, although I can't get hiim to agree to let me visit. He doesn't let anyone but his mother, who's in poor health, come a few time a year with his brother.
posted by Dolley at 6:10 AM on January 24, 2012
posted by Dolley at 6:10 AM on January 24, 2012
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This actually did happen to someone I knew (in the US) when they moved facilities. It is possible that a move could disrupt the post, though it doesn't sound like that is the case this time.
Three weeks really isn't that long and there could be a lot of reasons for this. The person I knew would go for months incommunicado.
Keep trying, it's a good thing to do.
posted by plep at 11:13 AM on July 18, 2011