Was he turned off me?
July 12, 2011 3:52 AM Subscribe
He seemed to really like me, then I got my period when we were having sex, did this turn him off me?
So I was dating this guy and he definitely was into me (he wanted to spend non-sex time with as well as have sex with me) and we were having a good time and he was contacting me a lot and locking in dates.
Then the last time we slept together I got my period whilst we were having sex (complete shock to me) and it was horrible. There was blood on the sheets and i'm assuming him and he seemed to be freaking out like I was. He changed the sheets straight away and I said I was sorry and he said that's okay but that is pretty much all we said. After that I felt like he was turned off me, although he did msg me the next day but the msgs started to drop off.
Anyway I wanted to know especially from a guys perspective, if this would turn you off a girl if you were into her before (keeping in mind this was only the 3rd time we had slept together so it was pretty early into the dating game and I wasn't his "girlfriend"). And should I bring it up or just leave it and see how he is next time I see him.
So I was dating this guy and he definitely was into me (he wanted to spend non-sex time with as well as have sex with me) and we were having a good time and he was contacting me a lot and locking in dates.
Then the last time we slept together I got my period whilst we were having sex (complete shock to me) and it was horrible. There was blood on the sheets and i'm assuming him and he seemed to be freaking out like I was. He changed the sheets straight away and I said I was sorry and he said that's okay but that is pretty much all we said. After that I felt like he was turned off me, although he did msg me the next day but the msgs started to drop off.
Anyway I wanted to know especially from a guys perspective, if this would turn you off a girl if you were into her before (keeping in mind this was only the 3rd time we had slept together so it was pretty early into the dating game and I wasn't his "girlfriend"). And should I bring it up or just leave it and see how he is next time I see him.
Put it this way: if he's immature enough to hold this against you, then he's too immature for you to be sleeping with him.
posted by ook at 4:01 AM on July 12, 2011 [63 favorites]
posted by ook at 4:01 AM on July 12, 2011 [63 favorites]
These things happen, and it's not your fault. If it bothers him enough to stop seeing you, then he's probably not worth having sex with in the first place. Do not bring it up, just accept it as a Thing That Happened, and move on. With him or without him.
Don't worry about it. It's really not a big deal.
posted by phunniemee at 4:02 AM on July 12, 2011 [4 favorites]
Don't worry about it. It's really not a big deal.
posted by phunniemee at 4:02 AM on July 12, 2011 [4 favorites]
I can see how it would be a bit surprising/shocking in the moment, but why on earth would it "turn him off you"? Menstruation isn't exactly a secret. Anyone with whom it's worth continuing a relationship with would totally shake this off.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 4:05 AM on July 12, 2011 [8 favorites]
posted by Salvor Hardin at 4:05 AM on July 12, 2011 [8 favorites]
I'm going to echo all of the comments above me. These things happen to everyone, and if this turns out to have turned him off, he's not worth your time.
posted by jeffmshaw at 4:16 AM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by jeffmshaw at 4:16 AM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
You have a concern, bring it up. Maybe he is freaked out about it and being immature, but a talk might help.
If he continues to be immatureand weird about it, he's not worth your time.
As a guy, this happened and it's a little odd at the moment, not a big deal overall. I suspect it's just an association with blood=hurt at first thought and guys not having experience with periods. Hence we may freak a little, but again, this should not be a big deal.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:23 AM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
If he continues to be immatureand weird about it, he's not worth your time.
As a guy, this happened and it's a little odd at the moment, not a big deal overall. I suspect it's just an association with blood=hurt at first thought and guys not having experience with periods. Hence we may freak a little, but again, this should not be a big deal.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:23 AM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
would it freak me out at the time? yes
would it stop me from going with a girl I was into? No.
Maybe the guy hates the sight of blood. Maybe the thought of menstruation grosses him out I dunno.
It's all very well to say it's natural and it can happen to anyone and all this, but different people have different things that gross them out.
posted by MarvinJ at 4:28 AM on July 12, 2011
would it stop me from going with a girl I was into? No.
Maybe the guy hates the sight of blood. Maybe the thought of menstruation grosses him out I dunno.
It's all very well to say it's natural and it can happen to anyone and all this, but different people have different things that gross them out.
posted by MarvinJ at 4:28 AM on July 12, 2011
Stop with the messaging and start with the talking. If you really like this guy, talk about it with him. Maybe this is a whole new experience for him, maybe he's got some blood phobia issue, maybe he doesn't know a whole lot about the female reproductive system and how periods work - educate him - everybody has to start somewhere.
posted by NoraCharles at 4:30 AM on July 12, 2011 [9 favorites]
posted by NoraCharles at 4:30 AM on July 12, 2011 [9 favorites]
It's possible, especially if it happened over the weekend, it just knocked him for a loop and he needs a little time to process that you're a real person. Especially with the element of surprise and the during-sexness of it. Even guys who are unfazed by menstruation and guys who are fine with period sex might be a little "uh-oh whoa blood" at an onset so sudden.
I can kind-of-sort-of see someone lose interest in a person over this. Make no mistake, it's stupid to do so, but in the early dating stages it's easy and tempting to dock points over utterly lame and inconsequential things like spinach in the teeth and saying "pop" instead of "soda." Instead of trying to avoid all these things during the first few dates, it's easier and better for you to roll with them and find guys who will do likewise, because you will get your period and you will get spinach in your teeth eventually.
Also, from the way you describe things ("complete shock to me" "it was horrible" and "he seemed to be freaking out like I was"), it sounds like you didn't really take the moment in stride yourself. Could it be that he was fine with the blood, but weirded out by the way you handled it?
posted by Metroid Baby at 4:47 AM on July 12, 2011 [6 favorites]
I can kind-of-sort-of see someone lose interest in a person over this. Make no mistake, it's stupid to do so, but in the early dating stages it's easy and tempting to dock points over utterly lame and inconsequential things like spinach in the teeth and saying "pop" instead of "soda." Instead of trying to avoid all these things during the first few dates, it's easier and better for you to roll with them and find guys who will do likewise, because you will get your period and you will get spinach in your teeth eventually.
Also, from the way you describe things ("complete shock to me" "it was horrible" and "he seemed to be freaking out like I was"), it sounds like you didn't really take the moment in stride yourself. Could it be that he was fine with the blood, but weirded out by the way you handled it?
posted by Metroid Baby at 4:47 AM on July 12, 2011 [6 favorites]
I think this may have happened to me in the past. I wrote the guy off as a jerk (if it was true, of course). Anyone who is "turned off forever" because of a period is not for you.
posted by Sara C. at 4:50 AM on July 12, 2011
posted by Sara C. at 4:50 AM on July 12, 2011
Is he a teenager? I can see this disturbing a teenager.
posted by pompomtom at 4:51 AM on July 12, 2011 [8 favorites]
posted by pompomtom at 4:51 AM on July 12, 2011 [8 favorites]
Ha, my ex used to hate the sight of blood ... /afterwards/. During, he cared more about the fact he felt good. Afterwards he made faces and was rather grossed out about it all, but I just laughed at him, because I'm evil that way. I always got way more interested in sex while having my period, so he was probably torn between sex-now (ANDNOTTHINKABOUTIT!) and maybe-sex-later.
Possibly this chap was grossed out--a lot of guys don't connect women with menstruation in their heads; they know that it occurs, in a theoretical way, but don't like to be confronted with reality. It's his problem.
One presumes he was wearing a condom, right, considering that you guys don't know each other well enough to have swapped tests. So it was the condom that copped any reddish fluids, anyway, not his wick, so any squeamishness on his behalf is just being a princess.
He sounds really young to have been freaked out by this if he was, and not as Metroid Baby mentioned, put off by your own reaction. If he's not young, well ... it happens. You're probably better off without this chap, because menstrual blood isn't something to get freaked out over: it happens, to (almost) all of us, and sex during menstruation is not uncommon. Some women (like me, and I googled this years ago) are a lot more interested at that time, so it's good to find partners who aren't too squeamish about this.
Hopefully, if this guy doesn't come around and get off his high horse about it all, you find a guy who's way better about it.
posted by owlrigh at 5:04 AM on July 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
Possibly this chap was grossed out--a lot of guys don't connect women with menstruation in their heads; they know that it occurs, in a theoretical way, but don't like to be confronted with reality. It's his problem.
One presumes he was wearing a condom, right, considering that you guys don't know each other well enough to have swapped tests. So it was the condom that copped any reddish fluids, anyway, not his wick, so any squeamishness on his behalf is just being a princess.
He sounds really young to have been freaked out by this if he was, and not as Metroid Baby mentioned, put off by your own reaction. If he's not young, well ... it happens. You're probably better off without this chap, because menstrual blood isn't something to get freaked out over: it happens, to (almost) all of us, and sex during menstruation is not uncommon. Some women (like me, and I googled this years ago) are a lot more interested at that time, so it's good to find partners who aren't too squeamish about this.
Hopefully, if this guy doesn't come around and get off his high horse about it all, you find a guy who's way better about it.
posted by owlrigh at 5:04 AM on July 12, 2011 [2 favorites]
I'm not 100 clear on what was his upset and whats your upset. Ask him out to dinner and see what happens :D
posted by Jacen at 6:01 AM on July 12, 2011
posted by Jacen at 6:01 AM on July 12, 2011
Its one thing to be a little bit surprised if he wasn't expectng it (well, neither were you) but it shouldn't be some huge shocker thing.
These things do happen, if it really bothered him then he sounds a bit immature.
posted by handbanana at 6:10 AM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
These things do happen, if it really bothered him then he sounds a bit immature.
posted by handbanana at 6:10 AM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
If this guy likes vaginas then this is something he is going to have to get used to.
Yeah, ask him out for barbecue, or maybe Italian.
posted by Rat Spatula at 6:31 AM on July 12, 2011 [6 favorites]
Yeah, ask him out for barbecue, or maybe Italian.
posted by Rat Spatula at 6:31 AM on July 12, 2011 [6 favorites]
You both sound quite young, he sounds not worth your time, you sound insecure.
posted by epo at 6:48 AM on July 12, 2011
posted by epo at 6:48 AM on July 12, 2011
I looked at one of your other AskMeFi responses, you're not that young and so, I guess, neither is he. Perhaps I should substitute 'inexperienced' for 'young' in my previous response.
You've slept with him 3 times, if this is how he behaves towards you because of a normal bodily function then I'd suggest forgetting about him and finding someone a bit more mature, considerate and, dammit, gentlemanly.
posted by epo at 6:58 AM on July 12, 2011 [4 favorites]
You've slept with him 3 times, if this is how he behaves towards you because of a normal bodily function then I'd suggest forgetting about him and finding someone a bit more mature, considerate and, dammit, gentlemanly.
posted by epo at 6:58 AM on July 12, 2011 [4 favorites]
Is he a bit socially awkward? Were you feeling awkward and behaving differently afterwards? Could it be that he's not so much freaking out about the blood per se, but not sure how to handle the aftermath of what was (at the time) an embarrassing surprise situation? If so, he should hopefully respond well if you make contact, suggest some kind of date-type activity and generally put the event in the past.
Otherwise I would agree with everyone who has says that if he freaks out over this he's not worth worrying about.
posted by *becca* at 7:14 AM on July 12, 2011
Otherwise I would agree with everyone who has says that if he freaks out over this he's not worth worrying about.
posted by *becca* at 7:14 AM on July 12, 2011
Anyway I wanted to know especially from a guys perspective, if this would turn you off a girl if you were into her before
No, I have not been turned off when this has happened to me in the past (including when I was a teenager, pompomtom).
And should I bring it up
Yes, of course you should communicate with him about an issue that's serious enough for you to be asking AskMetafilter about.
posted by jejune at 7:31 AM on July 12, 2011
No, I have not been turned off when this has happened to me in the past (including when I was a teenager, pompomtom).
And should I bring it up
Yes, of course you should communicate with him about an issue that's serious enough for you to be asking AskMetafilter about.
posted by jejune at 7:31 AM on July 12, 2011
Anyway I wanted to know especially from a guys perspective, if this would turn you off a girl if you were into her before
This really wouldn't bother me at all. Honestly, kind of a cute vulnerability thing, but that's just me. And if the girl thought it was funny, I would think it was funny too. (Actually I would think it was funny either way, but I wouldn't want to embarrass anyone, and it wouldn't turn me off or make me not like someone.)
posted by zeek321 at 7:37 AM on July 12, 2011
This really wouldn't bother me at all. Honestly, kind of a cute vulnerability thing, but that's just me. And if the girl thought it was funny, I would think it was funny too. (Actually I would think it was funny either way, but I wouldn't want to embarrass anyone, and it wouldn't turn me off or make me not like someone.)
posted by zeek321 at 7:37 AM on July 12, 2011
(Also what hundreds of people aren't posting is that they have un-accidental period sex all the time. Some people don't like it, some people don't care, and some people love it--weirdos. Ha.)
posted by zeek321 at 7:39 AM on July 12, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by zeek321 at 7:39 AM on July 12, 2011 [4 favorites]
Maybe he thinks you should have offered to launder or outright replace his sheets?
(Hydrogen peroxide while the stain is still new, btw)
Nthing everyone above, whether this is pettiness or immaturity, you are better off without. So sorry. It's not your fault!
posted by jbenben at 7:40 AM on July 12, 2011
(Hydrogen peroxide while the stain is still new, btw)
Nthing everyone above, whether this is pettiness or immaturity, you are better off without. So sorry. It's not your fault!
posted by jbenben at 7:40 AM on July 12, 2011
although he did msg me the next day but the msgs started to drop off
Wait, were you responding to his messages and then they started to drop off? Or were you embarrassed and didn't answer? (zero judgment, just wondering.)
Either way, really, any guy who wants to stick his dick in any orifice anywhere should be prepared for the totally normal substances which exit those orifices and should not act like a diaper baby over the situation if it occurs.
posted by elizardbits at 8:03 AM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Wait, were you responding to his messages and then they started to drop off? Or were you embarrassed and didn't answer? (zero judgment, just wondering.)
Either way, really, any guy who wants to stick his dick in any orifice anywhere should be prepared for the totally normal substances which exit those orifices and should not act like a diaper baby over the situation if it occurs.
posted by elizardbits at 8:03 AM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
I could see it turning him off of you if he had you on a pedestal, but if that was the case then something else would have eventually done it.
posted by gregoryg at 8:25 AM on July 12, 2011
posted by gregoryg at 8:25 AM on July 12, 2011
Umm, blood is a part of dating people who are female and not over, say, 60. It comes with the territory of generally being interested in vaginas. They come as a package deal. If the guy can't deal, that's a big issue... and it's all his. I suspect you are assuming this is a deal breaker for him; it should not be and geeze, it isn't like you did anything wrong. So I'd mentally move on, and if he doesn't, drop him like a weird loser.
posted by DarlingBri at 9:19 AM on July 12, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by DarlingBri at 9:19 AM on July 12, 2011 [5 favorites]
Yeah, what DarlingBri said. If menstruation is a dealkiller for him, then he needs to be dating men or postmenopausal women. I understand that the context was somewhat unexpected and possibly even a bit squicky, but menstruating is something that we ladies spend an average of 25% of our time doing, so it does kind of come with the territory.
posted by KathrynT at 9:22 AM on July 12, 2011
posted by KathrynT at 9:22 AM on July 12, 2011
Maybe he is reacting to your reaction. Maybe you are projecting your insecurity/self consciousness about what happened and he is getting weird signals. You are the one who said it was horrible. If you had just had a hysterical laughing fit or moved the action to the shower, etc., he probably wouldn't have made such a big deal about it either. You may be subconsciously acting like he is turned off by you, and yes, that will affect him.
If it's just the blood, then yes, move on.
posted by Vaike at 9:54 AM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
If it's just the blood, then yes, move on.
posted by Vaike at 9:54 AM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
What Vaike (and Metroid Baby) said. Your not being able to shrug that off is the kind of thing that can make a new partner very uneasy.
posted by thisjax at 10:02 AM on July 12, 2011
posted by thisjax at 10:02 AM on July 12, 2011
Maybe he thinks you should have offered to launder or outright replace his sheets?
(Hydrogen peroxide while the stain is still new, btw)
OxiClean!
posted by leahwrenn at 10:56 AM on July 12, 2011
(Hydrogen peroxide while the stain is still new, btw)
OxiClean!
posted by leahwrenn at 10:56 AM on July 12, 2011
If menstruation is a dealkiller for him, then he needs to be dating men or postmenopausal women.
It is ridiculous to say that a man who does not want to have sex with women who are menstruating should be dating men or postmenopausal women. I've dated more than a few women who didn't want to have sex with me while they were menstruating. Does this mean they should just suck it up and become celibate because there is a time when they don't want to have sex? Jeez.
Anyway I wanted to know especially from a guys perspective, if this would turn you off a girl if you were into her before
No. This kind of thing would not bother me, but it sounds like you freaked out a bit too much. That could be what freaked him out also.
posted by King Bee at 10:58 AM on July 12, 2011
It is ridiculous to say that a man who does not want to have sex with women who are menstruating should be dating men or postmenopausal women. I've dated more than a few women who didn't want to have sex with me while they were menstruating. Does this mean they should just suck it up and become celibate because there is a time when they don't want to have sex? Jeez.
Anyway I wanted to know especially from a guys perspective, if this would turn you off a girl if you were into her before
No. This kind of thing would not bother me, but it sounds like you freaked out a bit too much. That could be what freaked him out also.
posted by King Bee at 10:58 AM on July 12, 2011
Having sex can start a period, Like WAY early. A week even. There is no way to avoid it completely without limiting him to "dating men or postmenopausal women."
you do sound a little freaked though. It's super early in this little dating spree- maybe his drop off isn't about anything in particular and you are looking there for an explination. It seems like the answer could be one of two things- either he's kind of a douche for flipping over something that is a direct result from him getting to pound away at you, OR he's just not feeling it all that much for whatever other reason.
Either way- do you want any part of that?
posted by Blisterlips at 11:38 AM on July 12, 2011
you do sound a little freaked though. It's super early in this little dating spree- maybe his drop off isn't about anything in particular and you are looking there for an explination. It seems like the answer could be one of two things- either he's kind of a douche for flipping over something that is a direct result from him getting to pound away at you, OR he's just not feeling it all that much for whatever other reason.
Either way- do you want any part of that?
posted by Blisterlips at 11:38 AM on July 12, 2011
This happened to me with my now-fiance right when we first started dating. It looked like a crime scene. I was super embarrassed, but if he was freaked out he kept it to himself, and now it's something we laugh about. Oxiclean saved the day.
Which is all to say-- the right guy will understand and not make a big deal out of it. People recover even if they're a little grossed out in the moment. It's not a big deal and it's not your fault.
posted by np312 at 12:58 PM on July 12, 2011
Which is all to say-- the right guy will understand and not make a big deal out of it. People recover even if they're a little grossed out in the moment. It's not a big deal and it's not your fault.
posted by np312 at 12:58 PM on July 12, 2011
It is ridiculous to say that a man who does not want to have sex with women who are menstruating should be dating men or postmenopausal women.
My apologies if that's how my comment came across. I personally don't like period sex, so I'm certainly not saying that everyone has to be on board with it! What be a problem for me is if my partner was extremely bothered by the fact that I menstruate, full stop, and that sometimes it can start unexpectedly.
IOW, the guy doesn't have to be on board with the idea of sex during menstruation, but if he's going to date premenopausal women, he should definitely be on board with the fact that they menstruate.
posted by KathrynT at 1:37 PM on July 12, 2011
My apologies if that's how my comment came across. I personally don't like period sex, so I'm certainly not saying that everyone has to be on board with it! What be a problem for me is if my partner was extremely bothered by the fact that I menstruate, full stop, and that sometimes it can start unexpectedly.
IOW, the guy doesn't have to be on board with the idea of sex during menstruation, but if he's going to date premenopausal women, he should definitely be on board with the fact that they menstruate.
posted by KathrynT at 1:37 PM on July 12, 2011
It is ridiculous to say that a man who does not want to have sex with women who are menstruating should be dating men or postmenopausal women.
No one said that.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 3:35 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
No one said that.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 3:35 PM on July 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
Did it turn him off? Maybe, but generally I'd think he could get past it after the initial surprise.
I do wonder about the way you say it was a complete shock to you and you were freaking out as well.
A surprise, I could see. Maybe it was a day or two early.
A complete shock, though? Why? Did you freak out at the blood, or did you freak out because your period was totally unexpected? Do you track your cycle or take birth control pills, is what I'm getting at, so that you know when your period is due?
It's possible that your reaction made him think there was something seriously wrong. Also, maybe he thought you were on the pill and just realized you weren't. Some guys would like the option to get rid of the condoms down the line if things work out.
Anyway, if you're worried, I'd just call him up, ask him when he wants to get together again, and see what happens.
You might want to keep better track of your cycle, if this is a big deal to you, too. It's a good idea for every woman to know her body really well, anyway.
posted by misha at 4:13 PM on July 12, 2011
I do wonder about the way you say it was a complete shock to you and you were freaking out as well.
A surprise, I could see. Maybe it was a day or two early.
A complete shock, though? Why? Did you freak out at the blood, or did you freak out because your period was totally unexpected? Do you track your cycle or take birth control pills, is what I'm getting at, so that you know when your period is due?
It's possible that your reaction made him think there was something seriously wrong. Also, maybe he thought you were on the pill and just realized you weren't. Some guys would like the option to get rid of the condoms down the line if things work out.
Anyway, if you're worried, I'd just call him up, ask him when he wants to get together again, and see what happens.
You might want to keep better track of your cycle, if this is a big deal to you, too. It's a good idea for every woman to know her body really well, anyway.
posted by misha at 4:13 PM on July 12, 2011
Response by poster: Thanks for the responses. I did freak out about it because it has never happened to me before (i'm 27 by the way and he is 24) and I was really embarrassed and at first I didn't realise it was my period until after. We basically just ignored the whole thing after the initial changing of the sheets. I think it's true that I didn't handle it the best way, I should have been more upfront about it and talked it over and made it into a joke but I was too embarrassed. I do feel like he had me up on pedal stool slightly also and this ruined it for him. This happened over a month ago and we have had some contact but I feel like i'm getting mixed messages and probably sending them also. Anyway I'm seeing him for the first time since it happened tomorrow so we will see!
posted by emmy83 at 11:54 PM on July 12, 2011
posted by emmy83 at 11:54 PM on July 12, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by creasy boy at 4:00 AM on July 12, 2011 [16 favorites]