Is it acceptable to ask for mugshots?
July 10, 2011 6:01 PM Subscribe
A question on social etiquette; "Hey, (insert name here), can I have a photo of your face?
I've always had real difficulty identifying faces due to prosopagnosia (as an attribute of AS). I recently purchased an iPad 2, and was thinking that it'd be an excellent idea to store people's faces using the inbuilt cameras and information in the Contacts section, so I can surreptitiously look them up from a distance to be certain.
Trouble is, I'm not sure whether it's considered appropriate to ask to take a picture of someone's face unless you're well acquainted with them; this isn't the kind of situation that autistic social-interaction training covers.
The obvious thing would be to ask a friend, (instead of pestering online forum-members like yourselves with inane questions), but I don't know many people and those that I do are the potential photographic subjects in question.
Do I ask? Try to take one candidly? Or leave the whole question alone? Any kind of help would be most welcome.
I've always had real difficulty identifying faces due to prosopagnosia (as an attribute of AS). I recently purchased an iPad 2, and was thinking that it'd be an excellent idea to store people's faces using the inbuilt cameras and information in the Contacts section, so I can surreptitiously look them up from a distance to be certain.
Trouble is, I'm not sure whether it's considered appropriate to ask to take a picture of someone's face unless you're well acquainted with them; this isn't the kind of situation that autistic social-interaction training covers.
The obvious thing would be to ask a friend, (instead of pestering online forum-members like yourselves with inane questions), but I don't know many people and those that I do are the potential photographic subjects in question.
Do I ask? Try to take one candidly? Or leave the whole question alone? Any kind of help would be most welcome.
If you asked me, and explained that you had difficulty identifying faces, I would have no problem at all letting you take a photo. I suspect most people would feel the same. For those that didn't, well you asked politely, so no offence should result.
posted by pompomtom at 6:08 PM on July 10, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by pompomtom at 6:08 PM on July 10, 2011 [2 favorites]
Oh, yeah, don't try to take one candidly.
posted by pompomtom at 6:09 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by pompomtom at 6:09 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
Oh, and I think "do you mind if I take your picture for my contacts list" would be the question you'd want to ask.
posted by phunniemee at 6:09 PM on July 10, 2011 [14 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 6:09 PM on July 10, 2011 [14 favorites]
Best answer: Assuming it's someone who you know well enough to be talking to them more than just one time, I'd just ask, and say something like "Hey I'm terrible with faces and I was hoping you'd let me take a photo of you so that I can more readily match your face to your name. I promise not to put it on the internet, but this would be helpful to me. Would you mind?" Lots of people nowadays have phones or some other contact list sorts of things where they file people's personal info that might include a photo. If you asked, I wouldn't think it was that odd at all, I just think being clear that this isn't for uploading anywhere would be the thing that most people would care about. And some people may say no in which case you can just say "Thanks anyhow" and maybe make a cartoon of them for your own use.
posted by jessamyn at 6:11 PM on July 10, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by jessamyn at 6:11 PM on July 10, 2011 [4 favorites]
Why not just be open and when you see them again say something like, "I know this sounds rude but I actually have a poor memory condition and have real difficulty with this, what was your name again?"
posted by windbox at 6:14 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by windbox at 6:14 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Much appreciated; I'm coming to realise that a funny/friendly request with a cheerful smile often works wonders where a complex structured question doesn't!
posted by malusmoriendumest at 6:14 PM on July 10, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by malusmoriendumest at 6:14 PM on July 10, 2011 [3 favorites]
Wow, what a great idea ... I, too, have AS, and prosopagnosia, and can't even recognize my own kids (and they are 30ish) without the context of the clothing they are wearing. Oh, the stories I could tell ...!
I can see most people agreeing to this, asked lightheartedly with a smile, "hey, can I take your pic with my ipad, to have on my contact list?". Explanations only needed if they ask why. And of course, respect any who prefer to decline.
And yeah, don't be the guy that takes the candid photos. Unless that is what you do (like, I am a photographer, and I ONLY take candid photos when I have my big clunky camera in my hands ... sort of obvious).
posted by batikrose at 6:20 PM on July 10, 2011
I can see most people agreeing to this, asked lightheartedly with a smile, "hey, can I take your pic with my ipad, to have on my contact list?". Explanations only needed if they ask why. And of course, respect any who prefer to decline.
And yeah, don't be the guy that takes the candid photos. Unless that is what you do (like, I am a photographer, and I ONLY take candid photos when I have my big clunky camera in my hands ... sort of obvious).
posted by batikrose at 6:20 PM on July 10, 2011
If you're part of facebook or anything like that a great many of people already have pictures where you can access them.
posted by Ys at 6:21 PM on July 10, 2011
posted by Ys at 6:21 PM on July 10, 2011
I would find it refreshing and maybe endearing if someone (even a new acquaintance) explained this honestly to me. I would have no problem allowing a photo.
posted by jessicapierce at 6:21 PM on July 10, 2011
posted by jessicapierce at 6:21 PM on July 10, 2011
If you asked me, and explained that you had difficulty identifying faces, I would have no problem at all letting you take a photo.
During the first session of a semester-long graduate-level class, one of my professors made such a request of me and my classmates, wording it just this way. It didn't bother me, and it didn't seem to bother anyone else in the class.
posted by virago at 6:21 PM on July 10, 2011
During the first session of a semester-long graduate-level class, one of my professors made such a request of me and my classmates, wording it just this way. It didn't bother me, and it didn't seem to bother anyone else in the class.
posted by virago at 6:21 PM on July 10, 2011
I'm bad at remembering names, and I've used "I'm bad with names and faces—can I take a photo of you for my phone?" before, with no freakouts.
posted by anirvan at 6:23 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by anirvan at 6:23 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
If you are on facebook, why not just grab photos of them from there? I definitely have seen pictures of me on friends' contact lists that I recognize from facebook. I think people see photos of them from facebook as "fair game" in general for their friends to use for identification purposes.
If you're not on facebook, I used to have way more trouble with faces before I started using it. I started using it almost like flash cards to memorize what people's faces looked like, and there are a lot of people with enough pictures that you can learn what they look like from lots of angles, in different light, making different faces, etc. Highly recommended.
posted by troublesome at 6:26 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
If you're not on facebook, I used to have way more trouble with faces before I started using it. I started using it almost like flash cards to memorize what people's faces looked like, and there are a lot of people with enough pictures that you can learn what they look like from lots of angles, in different light, making different faces, etc. Highly recommended.
posted by troublesome at 6:26 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
This sounds like such a great idea.
I, too, have terrible trouble recognizing people by their faces.
I might try this myself!
posted by winna at 7:46 PM on July 10, 2011
I, too, have terrible trouble recognizing people by their faces.
I might try this myself!
posted by winna at 7:46 PM on July 10, 2011
If you told me you had a poor memory for faces, and asked me if you could take a photo, I would not be offended.
I would say no, but I would ask you "What is your email address - I will email you a photo."
I don't like being photographed, but I have a couple of photos by professional photographers on my computer that I am happy to share.
posted by Year of meteors at 8:00 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
I would say no, but I would ask you "What is your email address - I will email you a photo."
I don't like being photographed, but I have a couple of photos by professional photographers on my computer that I am happy to share.
posted by Year of meteors at 8:00 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]
To add to what Year of meteors said, it's probably worth keeping in mind that you should be prepared for a wide range of responses when you ask.
It's certainly not at all rude to ask, especially with a brief explanation, but it might be inappropriate to press the issue if someone isn't comfortable with it (although I'd say that etiquette suggests that they should agree without hesitation).
posted by graphnerd at 8:19 PM on July 10, 2011
It's certainly not at all rude to ask, especially with a brief explanation, but it might be inappropriate to press the issue if someone isn't comfortable with it (although I'd say that etiquette suggests that they should agree without hesitation).
posted by graphnerd at 8:19 PM on July 10, 2011
I definitely have seen pictures of me on friends' contact lists that I recognize from facebook.
My phone (a Palm Pre) does this automatically.
posted by grouse at 8:58 PM on July 10, 2011
My phone (a Palm Pre) does this automatically.
posted by grouse at 8:58 PM on July 10, 2011
I've been meaning to do this, since I can't remember faces very well. My iPhone can sync to Facebook, but you need to put in the person's exact Facebook name.
I wouldn't be that creeped out if somebody just asked me.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 11:09 PM on July 10, 2011
I wouldn't be that creeped out if somebody just asked me.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 11:09 PM on July 10, 2011
Just don't say of your face - it sounds really creepy.
posted by devnull at 1:01 AM on July 11, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by devnull at 1:01 AM on July 11, 2011 [3 favorites]
I would be creeped out at someone taking a photo of me. If they had a medical condition like yours, I'd allow it, but I wouldn't be overly happy.
Please don't just take random photographs of people.
posted by Solomon at 2:16 AM on July 11, 2011 [1 favorite]
Please don't just take random photographs of people.
posted by Solomon at 2:16 AM on July 11, 2011 [1 favorite]
If it makes it less creepy, ask to take a picture of the two of you together for your photo album.
Your idea works in theory but as somebody who has been involved in photography for many, many years, capturing a likeness of someone is a difficult art. Varied lighting, shadows, hairstyles, facial hair, etc all change making it difficult to capture a likeness which is identifiable under all circumstances. Remember the Seinfeld episode where his date only looked beautiful in some places?
posted by JJ86 at 8:29 AM on July 11, 2011
Your idea works in theory but as somebody who has been involved in photography for many, many years, capturing a likeness of someone is a difficult art. Varied lighting, shadows, hairstyles, facial hair, etc all change making it difficult to capture a likeness which is identifiable under all circumstances. Remember the Seinfeld episode where his date only looked beautiful in some places?
posted by JJ86 at 8:29 AM on July 11, 2011
(although I'd say that etiquette suggests that they should agree without hesitation).
I disagree. It would be well within the bounds of etiquette to politely decline.
Some people are very uncomfortable with having their picture taken. If the OP asks and they say no, and the OP just smiles and says, "OK, no problem," and it's all good.
posted by BrashTech at 9:14 AM on July 11, 2011 [2 favorites]
I disagree. It would be well within the bounds of etiquette to politely decline.
Some people are very uncomfortable with having their picture taken. If the OP asks and they say no, and the OP just smiles and says, "OK, no problem," and it's all good.
posted by BrashTech at 9:14 AM on July 11, 2011 [2 favorites]
I'm an attractive woman with an attractive toddler, and once in a while a stranger will ask (or just go ahead and attempt) to take my/our picture when we're out in public, which kind of gives me the creeps. If I don't know you as more than a passing acquaintance I'll probably decline. If you persist I will draw the attention of nearby people to your creepiness.
You can mitigate the creepiness by bringing a female friend when you make this request of strange women. Letting your potential subjects see you snapping photos of other friends, so they know they're not being singled out for some nefarious purpose, would be wise. And for christ's sake be chill if your potential subject seems uncomfortable. Even if you do these things I'd probably still say no to you. You should maybe just harvest FB profile photos.
posted by milk white peacock at 11:31 AM on July 11, 2011
You can mitigate the creepiness by bringing a female friend when you make this request of strange women. Letting your potential subjects see you snapping photos of other friends, so they know they're not being singled out for some nefarious purpose, would be wise. And for christ's sake be chill if your potential subject seems uncomfortable. Even if you do these things I'd probably still say no to you. You should maybe just harvest FB profile photos.
posted by milk white peacock at 11:31 AM on July 11, 2011
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However, I think it's totally fine to ask. I wouldn't mind at all and would be happy to mug for your ipad. Most people I know would be happy to let you take their picture. My brother and uncle do this with their cell phones so that pictures show up when people call. I don't think anyone will think it's a weird request, especially if you explain that you have a really hard time remembering faces. (Don't bust out the big medical terms, your medical history doesn't have to be their business.)
posted by phunniemee at 6:08 PM on July 10, 2011 [1 favorite]