How do I overcome depression?
July 1, 2011 5:39 AM Subscribe
How do quickly overcome deep depression before starting grad school?
I am currently working through a mini 'life crisis' that I created for myself. I quit my job near my small hometown to move across the country for an 'adventure'. In the process, I broke up with my girlfriend, realized my mistake, tried to get her back, got extremely depressed and just generally ruined my happy life. The job I moved for wasn't a good fit and I realized I didn't want to be this big shot moving around the country in this job. Meanwhile, I got an offer to a research assistant position to allow me to be fully funded for a masters in engineering.
I took that for a few reasons: it gave me more options than my current job, it's closer to home and family and more friends, and it's a great opportunity to get my masters before I settle down. The problem is, I'm still dealing with deep depression, which is not a position to be entering grad school in. I have two months to remedy it.
To be honest, I don't know if it's going to be the perfect opportunity, but it's my best option right now. I really have no way of knowing how it will turn out, and a lot of that depends on my attitude. I have to make this work for me.
I'm depressed because I gave up my happy life and a great girl that loved me, and now I'm in such a bad mental position to remedy that situation. I'm kind of directionless, but I know I have to take the grad school opportunity because I would wonder what would happen if I didn't. I could meet the love of my life and some great friends, all while getting and education to move me forward, or I could be miserable and fail. I've really lost my drive for anything but this is my only option to move forward. I'm on anti anxiety meds and went to a few weeks of therapy, but neither seem to really be helping.
I am currently working through a mini 'life crisis' that I created for myself. I quit my job near my small hometown to move across the country for an 'adventure'. In the process, I broke up with my girlfriend, realized my mistake, tried to get her back, got extremely depressed and just generally ruined my happy life. The job I moved for wasn't a good fit and I realized I didn't want to be this big shot moving around the country in this job. Meanwhile, I got an offer to a research assistant position to allow me to be fully funded for a masters in engineering.
I took that for a few reasons: it gave me more options than my current job, it's closer to home and family and more friends, and it's a great opportunity to get my masters before I settle down. The problem is, I'm still dealing with deep depression, which is not a position to be entering grad school in. I have two months to remedy it.
To be honest, I don't know if it's going to be the perfect opportunity, but it's my best option right now. I really have no way of knowing how it will turn out, and a lot of that depends on my attitude. I have to make this work for me.
I'm depressed because I gave up my happy life and a great girl that loved me, and now I'm in such a bad mental position to remedy that situation. I'm kind of directionless, but I know I have to take the grad school opportunity because I would wonder what would happen if I didn't. I could meet the love of my life and some great friends, all while getting and education to move me forward, or I could be miserable and fail. I've really lost my drive for anything but this is my only option to move forward. I'm on anti anxiety meds and went to a few weeks of therapy, but neither seem to really be helping.
It 's time to go on a physical fitness and health kick. Spend a couple of hours a day getting your body into the best shape possible. Join a gym, take dance classes. Learn how to cook new healthy dishes. And volunteer somewhere in the community. Spend some time every day in a beautiful natural environment.
I promise that if you push yourself to do at least some of the things listed above you will feel better within a few weeks. Good luck.
posted by mareli at 5:51 AM on July 1, 2011 [2 favorites]
I promise that if you push yourself to do at least some of the things listed above you will feel better within a few weeks. Good luck.
posted by mareli at 5:51 AM on July 1, 2011 [2 favorites]
I took that for a few reasons: it gave me more options than my current job, it's closer to home and family and more friends, and it's a great opportunity to get my masters before I settle down. The problem is, I'm still dealing with deep depression, which is not a position to be entering grad school in. I have two months to remedy it.
Sounds to me like you are doing exactly what you should be doing. You are moving to an area which contains a support network to get you through grad school. Touch base with those family and friends during the 2 months before school. Go to campus and get to know your way around before school starts. Have lunch with your graduate adviser and/or professor this summer to discuss your future work with them.
...and it's a great opportunity to get my masters before I settle down
I settled down with Mr. BuffaloChickenWing before I got my masters. Also, how irresponsible - I was pregnant with my son while I attended graduate school. Because of Mr. BuffaloChickenWing's support I graduated with a 3.8 and did a thesis - with a baby. I too went for Engineering. Had we waited and did the "responsible" thing and began to start a family after graduate school we would not have our beautiful 2 year old. Months after I graduated it was discovered I had a brain tumor. My point - Life is too short. You are living it just fine, don't regret your decision, and don't wait to settle down if someone comes along on your new adventure.
posted by BuffaloChickenWing at 5:56 AM on July 1, 2011 [2 favorites]
Sounds to me like you are doing exactly what you should be doing. You are moving to an area which contains a support network to get you through grad school. Touch base with those family and friends during the 2 months before school. Go to campus and get to know your way around before school starts. Have lunch with your graduate adviser and/or professor this summer to discuss your future work with them.
...and it's a great opportunity to get my masters before I settle down
I settled down with Mr. BuffaloChickenWing before I got my masters. Also, how irresponsible - I was pregnant with my son while I attended graduate school. Because of Mr. BuffaloChickenWing's support I graduated with a 3.8 and did a thesis - with a baby. I too went for Engineering. Had we waited and did the "responsible" thing and began to start a family after graduate school we would not have our beautiful 2 year old. Months after I graduated it was discovered I had a brain tumor. My point - Life is too short. You are living it just fine, don't regret your decision, and don't wait to settle down if someone comes along on your new adventure.
posted by BuffaloChickenWing at 5:56 AM on July 1, 2011 [2 favorites]
I would give therapy a second go-round, perhaps with somebody different this time. Look into your school's resources; it's quite likely they have some mental health professionals or can at least point you in the direction of some help for students. Grad school is hard, and better to have a support system already in place when a crisis hits than to wait for it to get worse before you find help.
posted by lilac girl at 8:14 AM on July 1, 2011
posted by lilac girl at 8:14 AM on July 1, 2011
Exercise. Physical movement and getting stronger is one of the best ways to fight back depression.
I personally recommend you drop 40 bucks and get the book Convict Conditioning. It's all bodyweight calisthenics, prison-style. No gym to join, you don't have to leave your own living room to do it, just about all the tools you could need can be found in the environment around you. Perfect for introverts not into working out in front of/with others. Especially because "Coach" recommends starting at the level1/baby steps. Guys hate to do wall push-ups in front of other guys, but hte baby-steps route is the path to the top of the mountain.
Getting strong while lifting your own body will do wonders for your depression. Won't solve all your problems, but do some googling on the subject of exercise and depression.
I believe that when the body is strong, the mind thinks strong thoughts.
-Henry Rollins
Best of luck.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 8:23 AM on July 1, 2011 [1 favorite]
I personally recommend you drop 40 bucks and get the book Convict Conditioning. It's all bodyweight calisthenics, prison-style. No gym to join, you don't have to leave your own living room to do it, just about all the tools you could need can be found in the environment around you. Perfect for introverts not into working out in front of/with others. Especially because "Coach" recommends starting at the level1/baby steps. Guys hate to do wall push-ups in front of other guys, but hte baby-steps route is the path to the top of the mountain.
Getting strong while lifting your own body will do wonders for your depression. Won't solve all your problems, but do some googling on the subject of exercise and depression.
I believe that when the body is strong, the mind thinks strong thoughts.
-Henry Rollins
Best of luck.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 8:23 AM on July 1, 2011 [1 favorite]
I think aside from the exercise and therapy you should spend some time living in the moment. You're so focused on the past and the future, and you've given yourself such a strange-hard deadline: Mental Health In Two Months Or Else! Why not two months to acquire some new and better habits and coping mechanisms - things that require effort every day to achieve - that you can use in the future.
I think you're stuck in this repeating series of decisions that are all about Later and that's both a symptom of your depression and a contributing factor. Find a better therapist if you're not happy with the one you had, and spend some time exploring some of the tools you can use to be here now instead of being someone else in two months or two years.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:30 AM on July 1, 2011 [1 favorite]
I think you're stuck in this repeating series of decisions that are all about Later and that's both a symptom of your depression and a contributing factor. Find a better therapist if you're not happy with the one you had, and spend some time exploring some of the tools you can use to be here now instead of being someone else in two months or two years.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:30 AM on July 1, 2011 [1 favorite]
Try changing your medication.
Also, set yourself small goals each day and reward yourself when you achieve them.
posted by SallyHitMeOntheHead at 3:01 PM on July 1, 2011
Also, set yourself small goals each day and reward yourself when you achieve them.
posted by SallyHitMeOntheHead at 3:01 PM on July 1, 2011
Exercise is a good idea. But there's also stuff like eating differently-- cut back on carbs, lots of water, lots of light meals but no heavy stuff. Besides just exercise (and this is all stuff you don't need to motivate yourself but are *forcing* yourself to do), make sure you're doing something extra that takes your mind off things in your head. In other words, take your powerwalk outside, in a park, and ideally go hiking or biking in nature. If you can, start running somewhere where your attention needs to be focused fully on the terrain, like hilly areas. Simply working out at home isn't overpowering enough, I think, though it's a good start.
Besides that, the exercise and and eating need to be on a brutal schedule-- get up at 6am, go to sleep at 8. Do not deviate once you've set your schedule. Find things you decide to do-- lots of things, no matter how pointless, as long as you can do them with relative ease-- and then do them. Get a really stupid job, say, like at LaborReady lifting boxes or in your nearest burger-flipping place, and throw all your non-existent energy into doing it, even if you have to drink tons of caffeine or what have you.
It's not enough to do basic stuff like therapy or even self-rewards for baby steps if your goal is to be *ready* in 2 months. This is going to be brutal, and you have to get yourself to a place where you're totally committed to following through even if your motivation is zero. That is to say, do things daily regardless of how much energy you have, as if there was a drill-sergeant in your head who won't leave you alone unless you get up and start moving. It won't be long before you're too exhausted, wound up and distracted by pure labor to worry about much of anything except getting those 6 hours of sleep.
Anyway, this is what I might call the 'shock to the system' approach. No matter what, resolve to do whatever it takes to take away any time to brood or think about any of this: the situation, your shortcomings and regrets-- any of it. Even if you started exercising normally, it's not going to account for a lot of time you could still spend brooding. So go out there and force yourself to go through the motions of physical labor and general work. Like, clean some toilets, pour some beer for people (if you can-- LaborReady lets you, at least in Seattle), that sort of thing. It's amazing how fast your perspective changes in that sort of situation. Or rather, it's amazing how time flies by and everything but survival recedes into the background. When you gratefully emerge into the light of day for the first class, you'd be grateful and amazed you actually get to sit there and analyze things for school and stuff.
Disclaimer: all this is just a product of my fevered imagination and a small sprinkling of experience (I did go to LaborReady, and I was in a funk). The sudden self-respect and infusion of directedness really is there. Regardless, what do you have to lose?
posted by reenka at 7:59 PM on July 1, 2011
Besides that, the exercise and and eating need to be on a brutal schedule-- get up at 6am, go to sleep at 8. Do not deviate once you've set your schedule. Find things you decide to do-- lots of things, no matter how pointless, as long as you can do them with relative ease-- and then do them. Get a really stupid job, say, like at LaborReady lifting boxes or in your nearest burger-flipping place, and throw all your non-existent energy into doing it, even if you have to drink tons of caffeine or what have you.
It's not enough to do basic stuff like therapy or even self-rewards for baby steps if your goal is to be *ready* in 2 months. This is going to be brutal, and you have to get yourself to a place where you're totally committed to following through even if your motivation is zero. That is to say, do things daily regardless of how much energy you have, as if there was a drill-sergeant in your head who won't leave you alone unless you get up and start moving. It won't be long before you're too exhausted, wound up and distracted by pure labor to worry about much of anything except getting those 6 hours of sleep.
Anyway, this is what I might call the 'shock to the system' approach. No matter what, resolve to do whatever it takes to take away any time to brood or think about any of this: the situation, your shortcomings and regrets-- any of it. Even if you started exercising normally, it's not going to account for a lot of time you could still spend brooding. So go out there and force yourself to go through the motions of physical labor and general work. Like, clean some toilets, pour some beer for people (if you can-- LaborReady lets you, at least in Seattle), that sort of thing. It's amazing how fast your perspective changes in that sort of situation. Or rather, it's amazing how time flies by and everything but survival recedes into the background. When you gratefully emerge into the light of day for the first class, you'd be grateful and amazed you actually get to sit there and analyze things for school and stuff.
Disclaimer: all this is just a product of my fevered imagination and a small sprinkling of experience (I did go to LaborReady, and I was in a funk). The sudden self-respect and infusion of directedness really is there. Regardless, what do you have to lose?
posted by reenka at 7:59 PM on July 1, 2011
I have to respectfully disagree with Reenka's suggestion that you need a "shock to the system," and I think several of the individual suggestions Reenka puts forth are ill-advised. Physical exercise and work are good ideas but the overall approach is too extreme. (In particular, going to bed at 8 and staying there till 6 is a terrible idea. That would be unpleasant for most everyone and is simply too much time in bed.) You don't want or need a brutal experience. Don't look for opportunities to clean toilets (unless you're into that sort of thing). Be gentle with yourself. Take things one day at a time. Find small pleasures where you can.
You say you have to be better in 2 months, but that's not necessarily so. Be patient. You want to focus on improvement, not demand a complete, immediate recovery. Seek out gradual progress towards overcoming your depression, and it's very likely you will be able to prosper at school, even if you are still somewhat depressed when you begin. People accomplish a lot more than you might imagine while living with mental illnesses, including depression. The suggestions to seek out therapy, effective medication, and exercise are good ones. It sounds like you still feel some optimism about your future. I feel confident that you can be ready to seize the opportunities coming your way.
posted by reren at 10:30 AM on July 3, 2011
You say you have to be better in 2 months, but that's not necessarily so. Be patient. You want to focus on improvement, not demand a complete, immediate recovery. Seek out gradual progress towards overcoming your depression, and it's very likely you will be able to prosper at school, even if you are still somewhat depressed when you begin. People accomplish a lot more than you might imagine while living with mental illnesses, including depression. The suggestions to seek out therapy, effective medication, and exercise are good ones. It sounds like you still feel some optimism about your future. I feel confident that you can be ready to seize the opportunities coming your way.
posted by reren at 10:30 AM on July 3, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
Long answer: You can't command yourself to get out of a depression on a certain time schedule. From your post, it seems like you've been desperately commanding your life to go in certain directions (move! break up! get back together! go to grad school! get undepressed! now!) You're just going to have to accept working your way through it, and seeing what happens next, instead of trying to force it there. Life is like that!
posted by yarly at 5:51 AM on July 1, 2011 [2 favorites]