How to kick ass when you're depressed
November 18, 2013 3:15 PM Subscribe
My depression seems to have come roaring back all at once this weekend. I know how to take care of myself in the long-term scale, but I have an important and difficult life event in two days, and a lot of work to do in the interim.
I am a graduate student. I have to present and defend my proposal for candidacy on Wednesday. I woke up yesterday with that awful, creeping "everything is terrible" feeling. I figured I was just stressed out from work and maybe a little down from a sudden onset of winter weather last week, and I just needed a day to relax. So I spent a low-key day doing minor revisions to my presentation and catching up on Hulu, and I figured I'd be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed today.
Nope. Could barely get to sleep, woke up feeling even worse. Same creeping hopeless feeling, now with a side of a thought-racing monologue about all of the things I have to do before Wednesday and how I won't be able to do them (I can barely even get out of bed, how am I supposed to finish talking over revisions with my chair and arrange a practice talk with my lab and get breakfast for the day of and...)
So, this is not...preferred. I know how to deal with this in the long-term, and I have some practice with the base-level, drag-yourself-through-the-day coping strategies, but I need to be able to function on several levels higher than "maintain basic hygiene, show up to work, and eat something now and then." What do you do when you have to Get Shit Done on a hard deadline, but have real trouble thinking in a straight line or talking to people or...you know, moving?
Miscellanea:
--It is not going to be possible to postpone.
--I've been in therapy in the past, but am not currently. I will probably start again, but I doubt I'll be able to get in before Wednesday morning. Not on meds.
--I had a pretty bad bout of this over the summer (lasted for weeks, couldn't get anything done, mostly slept and stared at my bedroom wall and drank.) I've been doing very well all through the fall.
--I do drink, and as the upper point implies, my drinking hasn't always been the healthiest, but I've kept it moderate over the past few months and I'm going to stop entirely for the time being.
Thanks for reading.
I am a graduate student. I have to present and defend my proposal for candidacy on Wednesday. I woke up yesterday with that awful, creeping "everything is terrible" feeling. I figured I was just stressed out from work and maybe a little down from a sudden onset of winter weather last week, and I just needed a day to relax. So I spent a low-key day doing minor revisions to my presentation and catching up on Hulu, and I figured I'd be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed today.
Nope. Could barely get to sleep, woke up feeling even worse. Same creeping hopeless feeling, now with a side of a thought-racing monologue about all of the things I have to do before Wednesday and how I won't be able to do them (I can barely even get out of bed, how am I supposed to finish talking over revisions with my chair and arrange a practice talk with my lab and get breakfast for the day of and...)
So, this is not...preferred. I know how to deal with this in the long-term, and I have some practice with the base-level, drag-yourself-through-the-day coping strategies, but I need to be able to function on several levels higher than "maintain basic hygiene, show up to work, and eat something now and then." What do you do when you have to Get Shit Done on a hard deadline, but have real trouble thinking in a straight line or talking to people or...you know, moving?
Miscellanea:
--It is not going to be possible to postpone.
--I've been in therapy in the past, but am not currently. I will probably start again, but I doubt I'll be able to get in before Wednesday morning. Not on meds.
--I had a pretty bad bout of this over the summer (lasted for weeks, couldn't get anything done, mostly slept and stared at my bedroom wall and drank.) I've been doing very well all through the fall.
--I do drink, and as the upper point implies, my drinking hasn't always been the healthiest, but I've kept it moderate over the past few months and I'm going to stop entirely for the time being.
Thanks for reading.
This happens to me too. Until you can get better treatment I recommend keeping as busy as you can. Too much relaxation can lead to lethargy.
I do a thing that helps me; maybe it could help you. When I wake up in the morning, I use the drowsy state to talk to myself. I say stuff like, "everything you do today will feel like a real accomplishment. You'll be in a good mood, smile and greet everyone. Make everyone glad to see you. Don't moan, get to work and get a lot done and feel good about it. You will be calm and competent." I do this for about 5 minutes then jump up and ACT happy. Greet the cats. Whistle.
If I can just get started, it isn't as hard to keep going. Also, get 7-8 hours of sleep but not more.
Your instinct to not drink is sound. Keep up the good work!
posted by a humble nudibranch at 3:50 PM on November 18, 2013
I do a thing that helps me; maybe it could help you. When I wake up in the morning, I use the drowsy state to talk to myself. I say stuff like, "everything you do today will feel like a real accomplishment. You'll be in a good mood, smile and greet everyone. Make everyone glad to see you. Don't moan, get to work and get a lot done and feel good about it. You will be calm and competent." I do this for about 5 minutes then jump up and ACT happy. Greet the cats. Whistle.
If I can just get started, it isn't as hard to keep going. Also, get 7-8 hours of sleep but not more.
Your instinct to not drink is sound. Keep up the good work!
posted by a humble nudibranch at 3:50 PM on November 18, 2013
I don't often do yoga, but once when I was going through an acute period of crappy anxiety and depression, I discovered that a half hour in front of YouTube doing a yoga routine removed the physical symptoms for a little while in a way that nothing else did. I think it was this routine I did - simple and reasonably easy, and the woman has a soothing, no nonsense voice. I know it sounds impossible when you have the serious lack of motivation that depression brings, but I was literally tipping myself off the sofa to do this and climbing back to it after, but with some blessed relief from the gnawing stomach. The breathing really, really helps.
Aside from that, jettison every single thing from your routine that doesn't need doing, and don't give yourself a hard time for that. You can eat ready meals out of the carton for a few days. I know you're supposed to eat healthily at times like this but for a few days, I would take the short-term benefit of getting some food inside you as unstressfully as possible.
Ask for help from your friends/family. If anyone can feed you/do a load of laundry/drive you to your dissertation defence/get breakfast for the day, it all reduces the amount of mental energy you have to use up.
While you're on YouTube, look up self-compassion too, and watch a short vid or two on that. If the world around you feels like it's going to rat shit, you can at least think sympathetic, comforting thoughts to yourself.
Good luck, take care.
posted by penguin pie at 4:03 PM on November 18, 2013 [3 favorites]
Aside from that, jettison every single thing from your routine that doesn't need doing, and don't give yourself a hard time for that. You can eat ready meals out of the carton for a few days. I know you're supposed to eat healthily at times like this but for a few days, I would take the short-term benefit of getting some food inside you as unstressfully as possible.
Ask for help from your friends/family. If anyone can feed you/do a load of laundry/drive you to your dissertation defence/get breakfast for the day, it all reduces the amount of mental energy you have to use up.
While you're on YouTube, look up self-compassion too, and watch a short vid or two on that. If the world around you feels like it's going to rat shit, you can at least think sympathetic, comforting thoughts to yourself.
Good luck, take care.
posted by penguin pie at 4:03 PM on November 18, 2013 [3 favorites]
Run. Cheapest, simplest cardio ever. Flush out those ruminative thoughts, oxygen is a hella drug! Just do the first level of the Couch to 5K program: run one minute, jog one minute and a half, repeat 6 times. No matter if it's the most half-assed shuffling jog ever, it will clear your mind.
posted by Tom-B at 5:06 PM on November 18, 2013
posted by Tom-B at 5:06 PM on November 18, 2013
On days like this I do the Seven Minute Workout. It's designed to get your heart rate up quickly without over-straining any particular part of the body. I don't always enjoy it while I'm doing it but I always feel better mentally afterward. It works for me when I feel low because it doesn't require planning anything or leaving the house: you just need the willpower to open the site, press "start" and do as you're told for seven minutes. If you feel able, do it twice.
Also, schedule fun things - least one per week (preferably several) for the next month. It could be coffee with a friend, a night of standup comedy, a walk in the countryside - schedule something that you would ordinarily enjoy. Then do it, even if you feel like you're too busy or stressed to appreciate it. Do it anyway. The point is not just to have fun but to give yourself something, anything to look forward to when things seem grim.
Take care. Many have been where you are and made it through to the other side.
posted by embrangled at 5:06 PM on November 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
Also, schedule fun things - least one per week (preferably several) for the next month. It could be coffee with a friend, a night of standup comedy, a walk in the countryside - schedule something that you would ordinarily enjoy. Then do it, even if you feel like you're too busy or stressed to appreciate it. Do it anyway. The point is not just to have fun but to give yourself something, anything to look forward to when things seem grim.
Take care. Many have been where you are and made it through to the other side.
posted by embrangled at 5:06 PM on November 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
I've found the meditations from Meditation Oasis really useful for getting enough of a grip to get work done in the face of anxiety and panic. It sounds to me like what you're experiencing is just as much anxiety as depression. I usually use their apps, but if you use the podcast I think I would try Emotional Ease, Grounding Meditation, Trust Guided Meditation, and especially Relief from Stress and Pressure. I also like their iSleep Easy app on my iPad for getting to sleep at night.
On preview, yes yes yes to running!
In your shoes I would make a big list, on paper, of every single thing I think I have to do before the defense -- that list of items that are keeping you awake at night. Then get rid of as many of the items as you can, first by crossing out everything that you don't *really absolutely* need to do, where *really absolutely* is defined as "will probably fail the defense if I don't do this". Then outsource anything else that needs to be done but doesn't need to be done *by you*. If you need help sorting out the difference between really needs to be done by you, really needs to be done but not by you, and doesn't really need to be done, I am a friendly Ph.D. student who successfully defended my proposal under not-at-all-ideal circumstances, and you can MeMail me and I will help you.
posted by ootandaboot at 5:13 PM on November 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
On preview, yes yes yes to running!
In your shoes I would make a big list, on paper, of every single thing I think I have to do before the defense -- that list of items that are keeping you awake at night. Then get rid of as many of the items as you can, first by crossing out everything that you don't *really absolutely* need to do, where *really absolutely* is defined as "will probably fail the defense if I don't do this". Then outsource anything else that needs to be done but doesn't need to be done *by you*. If you need help sorting out the difference between really needs to be done by you, really needs to be done but not by you, and doesn't really need to be done, I am a friendly Ph.D. student who successfully defended my proposal under not-at-all-ideal circumstances, and you can MeMail me and I will help you.
posted by ootandaboot at 5:13 PM on November 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
When I've been in situations like this two things have helped me - meditation and/or a really hard workout.
When I say meditation I mean simple meditation - sitting quietly and focusing on breathing for as long as I can (usually only 10 or so minutes). This has really helped when I've been very stressed, scared and depressed and couldn't get my mind to stop running. It is a godsend to help me relax and focus.
A really hard workout (the hardest I can manage within my fitness level) is incredible for managing my mood and I like to do this when I really need to be upbeat and pleasant to be around but I really just feel moody and cranky. I use this more as kind of a stimulant to pick me up whereas meditation is to help me be calm. A combo of both, if possible (workout at day, meditation at night), is the best. The good thing about both of these is they give me near-instant relief.
Good luck to you - you'll get through this.
posted by triggerfinger at 6:43 PM on November 18, 2013
When I say meditation I mean simple meditation - sitting quietly and focusing on breathing for as long as I can (usually only 10 or so minutes). This has really helped when I've been very stressed, scared and depressed and couldn't get my mind to stop running. It is a godsend to help me relax and focus.
A really hard workout (the hardest I can manage within my fitness level) is incredible for managing my mood and I like to do this when I really need to be upbeat and pleasant to be around but I really just feel moody and cranky. I use this more as kind of a stimulant to pick me up whereas meditation is to help me be calm. A combo of both, if possible (workout at day, meditation at night), is the best. The good thing about both of these is they give me near-instant relief.
Good luck to you - you'll get through this.
posted by triggerfinger at 6:43 PM on November 18, 2013
Seconding running, yoga, and sitting. Doesn't take much of each.
posted by kcm at 7:27 PM on November 18, 2013
posted by kcm at 7:27 PM on November 18, 2013
My methods aren't the healthiest but they're what work for me during tough crunch times:
I set my alarm to wake up pretty early in the morning. To keep me from just pressing the snooze I put a post-it over the clock-face that says something like, "GET UP OR FAIL!" Other post-its saying similar fear-monger-y things are placed as needed.
Once I'm up I eat breakfast first thing and drink coffee, because otherwise I'll just leisurely not do anything "because I haven't had breakfast yet" and suddenly it's late.
I put on rap *really loud.* 50 Cent works best for me because his songs have a really heavy, pretty fast beat and his lyrics are all about how everyone hates him and screw them. I find that energizing. I usually shut off the music when I'm getting pretty into my work, but whenever there's a "transition" moment I put it back on to keep the energy flowing.
I force myself to sit in a semi-uncomfortable spot (not my usual chair! at the desk/table!), and usually the combination of caffeine, rap, and fear-mongering post-its gets me working for a couple hours. At that stopping point, I shower, and get out of the house to do the rest of my work.
When I get out of the house, I have to go someplace where people are being legitimately productive, not where people are relaxing or hanging out (like a coffee shop). I do best in my school's computer lab, but if that's not an option the library works OK (an isolation desk is best). The above posters are right that it's good to have a friend sitting and working nearby if possible, too.
Breaking for a run is OK, but breaking for real meals just kills momentum. I mean, a person's got to eat, but a full-fledged meal break turns into "wait, what else is on Hulu?" really easily.
During crunch times, I don't drink at night, because even if it's just one drink I'll sleep worse and won't wake up as fresh in the morning.
posted by rue72 at 7:27 PM on November 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
I set my alarm to wake up pretty early in the morning. To keep me from just pressing the snooze I put a post-it over the clock-face that says something like, "GET UP OR FAIL!" Other post-its saying similar fear-monger-y things are placed as needed.
Once I'm up I eat breakfast first thing and drink coffee, because otherwise I'll just leisurely not do anything "because I haven't had breakfast yet" and suddenly it's late.
I put on rap *really loud.* 50 Cent works best for me because his songs have a really heavy, pretty fast beat and his lyrics are all about how everyone hates him and screw them. I find that energizing. I usually shut off the music when I'm getting pretty into my work, but whenever there's a "transition" moment I put it back on to keep the energy flowing.
I force myself to sit in a semi-uncomfortable spot (not my usual chair! at the desk/table!), and usually the combination of caffeine, rap, and fear-mongering post-its gets me working for a couple hours. At that stopping point, I shower, and get out of the house to do the rest of my work.
When I get out of the house, I have to go someplace where people are being legitimately productive, not where people are relaxing or hanging out (like a coffee shop). I do best in my school's computer lab, but if that's not an option the library works OK (an isolation desk is best). The above posters are right that it's good to have a friend sitting and working nearby if possible, too.
Breaking for a run is OK, but breaking for real meals just kills momentum. I mean, a person's got to eat, but a full-fledged meal break turns into "wait, what else is on Hulu?" really easily.
During crunch times, I don't drink at night, because even if it's just one drink I'll sleep worse and won't wake up as fresh in the morning.
posted by rue72 at 7:27 PM on November 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
This is going to sound weird. Bear with me.
I have this theory that everyone has a connected place, a place where they feel more connected to the world around them and their place in it. For one of my friends, it's gardening. For me, it's out in the bush surrounded by trees and/or next to a stream. For someone else, it might be running through the local park. Swimming. The local cafe where everyone seems friendly and relaxed.
Find that place and go there. If you can, spend a little bit of time each day there. If you can't (for me, going out to the country isn't something I can drop everything and do in the middle of the week) then find someplace that reminds you of it and imagine you are there. If your place is just sitting and being, do that. If it's an activity associated with a particular place, do that. I find it nourishes my soul and gives me a bit of perspective on everything else that is going on in my life, even if I am really bloody depressed.
Also, make a list. Include going to the place on it. Make the other things on the list as discrete and specific as practicable; ie "have shower" but you don't have to break it down into "soap armpits", "wash hair", "rinse off", etc. Cross things off. Be religious about crossing things off. This isn't a reward exercise, this is mapping out what you need to do. Make sure you include some down time to sit and do nothing for 5 minutes. Try to avoid moping, though.
If you catch yourself going through unhelpful ruminations/anxiety-laden worrying about all the stuff you have to do, take a leaf out of meditation/mindfulness and just recognise the thoughts for what they are, name them and gently push them aside. The first few times they will probably come back but after a while they will actually give up. Don't judge yourself for any of this, it's just your monkey mind chattering away.
And yes, make good use of your support networks. Get people to help you, but with specific things - even if it's just giving you a break from it for a 15-minute coffee or something.
Good luck!
posted by Athanassiel at 8:08 PM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
I have this theory that everyone has a connected place, a place where they feel more connected to the world around them and their place in it. For one of my friends, it's gardening. For me, it's out in the bush surrounded by trees and/or next to a stream. For someone else, it might be running through the local park. Swimming. The local cafe where everyone seems friendly and relaxed.
Find that place and go there. If you can, spend a little bit of time each day there. If you can't (for me, going out to the country isn't something I can drop everything and do in the middle of the week) then find someplace that reminds you of it and imagine you are there. If your place is just sitting and being, do that. If it's an activity associated with a particular place, do that. I find it nourishes my soul and gives me a bit of perspective on everything else that is going on in my life, even if I am really bloody depressed.
Also, make a list. Include going to the place on it. Make the other things on the list as discrete and specific as practicable; ie "have shower" but you don't have to break it down into "soap armpits", "wash hair", "rinse off", etc. Cross things off. Be religious about crossing things off. This isn't a reward exercise, this is mapping out what you need to do. Make sure you include some down time to sit and do nothing for 5 minutes. Try to avoid moping, though.
If you catch yourself going through unhelpful ruminations/anxiety-laden worrying about all the stuff you have to do, take a leaf out of meditation/mindfulness and just recognise the thoughts for what they are, name them and gently push them aside. The first few times they will probably come back but after a while they will actually give up. Don't judge yourself for any of this, it's just your monkey mind chattering away.
And yes, make good use of your support networks. Get people to help you, but with specific things - even if it's just giving you a break from it for a 15-minute coffee or something.
Good luck!
posted by Athanassiel at 8:08 PM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
I have to present and defend my proposal for candidacy on Wednesday. I woke up yesterday with that awful, creeping "everything is terrible" feeling. I figured I was just stressed out from work and maybe a little down from a sudden onset of winter weather last week, and I just needed a day to relax.
In case it isn't obvious to you, this depression and anxiety you are feeling is because of the deadline, not a bad coincidence. Please also recognize that even if you worked for the next 48 hours straight, you would be only marginally more prepared for your presentation than you are right now. You've been studying and working for this for somewhere between 2 and 20 years of your life, depending on how you want to look at it. Of course you're nervous! You're also ready. Your advisor would have given you a heads up long before this if you weren't. You could go tomorrow morning if you had to, and you'd pass just fine. Remember that you're doing this because you love to do it, and try to have fun from now through the end of the presentation.
posted by one_bean at 9:09 PM on November 18, 2013 [6 favorites]
In case it isn't obvious to you, this depression and anxiety you are feeling is because of the deadline, not a bad coincidence. Please also recognize that even if you worked for the next 48 hours straight, you would be only marginally more prepared for your presentation than you are right now. You've been studying and working for this for somewhere between 2 and 20 years of your life, depending on how you want to look at it. Of course you're nervous! You're also ready. Your advisor would have given you a heads up long before this if you weren't. You could go tomorrow morning if you had to, and you'd pass just fine. Remember that you're doing this because you love to do it, and try to have fun from now through the end of the presentation.
posted by one_bean at 9:09 PM on November 18, 2013 [6 favorites]
I like the exercise and other suggestions, meditation and of course therapy, but a small unexpected thing that helped me In a downslump: laying out my clothes for the next day, neatly folded, with an inspirational quote laid on top on paper or small sharpie board. Like " I am vast, I contain multitudes" or something from Beyonce or just "hi,"
When I woke up half asleep it felt like a loving quirky elf had snuck in to care for me...ymmv but there might be something similar to help you.
Also try short meditations on a site like calm.com. Great resource, great apps.
posted by sweetkid at 10:08 PM on November 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
When I woke up half asleep it felt like a loving quirky elf had snuck in to care for me...ymmv but there might be something similar to help you.
Also try short meditations on a site like calm.com. Great resource, great apps.
posted by sweetkid at 10:08 PM on November 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
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Drink lots of water.
Take walks.
Alert your advisor about what is going on, to the extent possible, and seek guidance in mitigating this.
Do not let perfect be the enemy of completion.
posted by bilabial at 3:43 PM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]