Short trip may feel very long. Help for travel in the face of agoraphobia.
June 2, 2011 2:36 PM Subscribe
What are your (non-pharmaceutical) tips or ideas to make travel easier for agoraphobic/anxious me?
I live in Northern VA and will be traveling to Baltimore with boyfriend and my family to see the aquarium, etc. We'll be staying one night in a hotel so that I don't have to face two drives in one day, but I'm getting nervous at the very thought of the trip.
I live in Northern VA and will be traveling to Baltimore with boyfriend and my family to see the aquarium, etc. We'll be staying one night in a hotel so that I don't have to face two drives in one day, but I'm getting nervous at the very thought of the trip.
Here's an out-of-box suggestion. There are always several issues colliding when you're feeling phobic about travel. I'm figuring that neither you nor readers along need me to pull out the strands here.
But one of the deepest factors is just a general blanket anxiety about changing one's routine. And that's a good one to work on, anyway (unless your everyday life is, like, so awesome that you really don't want to change a thing).
So I'd keep looking for little new things to do, and new approaches to old things. Open doors with your left hand and listen to country western music, and use new cuss words and drive new routes to work or shopping. Where clothes you haven't worn for a while. Eat and drink more or less than usual. Shake stuff up, generally. Don't go nuts, but a little bit of pushing on this sort of thing is kind of fun and easy, and can REALLY change your psychology.
It won't make the trip a breeze. But it will relieve some of the fear by helping salve one of the deepest, most unconscious factors (just the plain simple DIFFERENTNESS of disrupting routines to do something new), while also flexing your creativity and getting you out of a rut.
Good luck!
posted by Quisp Lover at 3:50 PM on June 2, 2011
But one of the deepest factors is just a general blanket anxiety about changing one's routine. And that's a good one to work on, anyway (unless your everyday life is, like, so awesome that you really don't want to change a thing).
So I'd keep looking for little new things to do, and new approaches to old things. Open doors with your left hand and listen to country western music, and use new cuss words and drive new routes to work or shopping. Where clothes you haven't worn for a while. Eat and drink more or less than usual. Shake stuff up, generally. Don't go nuts, but a little bit of pushing on this sort of thing is kind of fun and easy, and can REALLY change your psychology.
It won't make the trip a breeze. But it will relieve some of the fear by helping salve one of the deepest, most unconscious factors (just the plain simple DIFFERENTNESS of disrupting routines to do something new), while also flexing your creativity and getting you out of a rut.
Good luck!
posted by Quisp Lover at 3:50 PM on June 2, 2011
Response by poster: Yeah, difference and novelty are definitely triggers for me. I'm doing my best at looking at the route on a map, noting nearby hospitals, etc, but what may get me is the unfamiliarity of the drive itself and the destination.
Boyfriend is very supportive, and I usually just ask him to do his best to distract me. But sometimes I myself don't know what will help my state of mind.
posted by juniper at 4:00 PM on June 2, 2011
Boyfriend is very supportive, and I usually just ask him to do his best to distract me. But sometimes I myself don't know what will help my state of mind.
posted by juniper at 4:00 PM on June 2, 2011
Well, if novelty frightens, the two options are:
1. make the specific novel thing feel more familiar (as you're doing), or
2. desensitize by cultivating more and more novelty (per my suggestion).
The problem with #1 is you'd constantly need to feed new issues through machine, whereas #2 will serve going forward. The best way to improve your state of mind may be to practice expanding your mind's flexibility, rather than trying to placate a narrow mind (with unpredictable results).
posted by Quisp Lover at 4:07 PM on June 2, 2011
1. make the specific novel thing feel more familiar (as you're doing), or
2. desensitize by cultivating more and more novelty (per my suggestion).
The problem with #1 is you'd constantly need to feed new issues through machine, whereas #2 will serve going forward. The best way to improve your state of mind may be to practice expanding your mind's flexibility, rather than trying to placate a narrow mind (with unpredictable results).
posted by Quisp Lover at 4:07 PM on June 2, 2011
Hey, I'm visiting Baltimore for one night from (central) Virginia, also headed to the aquarium. :) (I'm speaking at the American Association of University Presses' annual conference this weekend, but I'm bringing along my wife so we can make a mini-vacation out of it.) Said wife also has an anxiety disorder, though hers is now more mild than yours, and we've found that what helps her is to care for the anxiety.
For instance, you can keep in mind that Baltimore is a very short distance from northern Virginia. If you had to be, you could be home in no time. And, sure, note all of the hospitals nearby—they're everywhere up there!—to realize that you would be in safe medical hands. You could also check the drive on Google Street View—check out all of the intersections, note what the turns will look like. Look at photos of your hotel room online, so that when you get to Baltimore, that will be a safe place. If there are a few things that you can bring to make your hotel room feel like home—a comforting smell, a favorite pillow, etc.—bring those along and take the time to settle in, even though you'll be there for just one night.
There will be *lots* of novelty on this trip—so do everything you can do to reduce that. And, if you're going this weekend, drop me some MeFi mail if you want to meet us at the aquarium to talk about anxiety and dolphins. :)
posted by waldo at 4:38 PM on June 2, 2011 [1 favorite]
For instance, you can keep in mind that Baltimore is a very short distance from northern Virginia. If you had to be, you could be home in no time. And, sure, note all of the hospitals nearby—they're everywhere up there!—to realize that you would be in safe medical hands. You could also check the drive on Google Street View—check out all of the intersections, note what the turns will look like. Look at photos of your hotel room online, so that when you get to Baltimore, that will be a safe place. If there are a few things that you can bring to make your hotel room feel like home—a comforting smell, a favorite pillow, etc.—bring those along and take the time to settle in, even though you'll be there for just one night.
There will be *lots* of novelty on this trip—so do everything you can do to reduce that. And, if you're going this weekend, drop me some MeFi mail if you want to meet us at the aquarium to talk about anxiety and dolphins. :)
posted by waldo at 4:38 PM on June 2, 2011 [1 favorite]
Best answer: My wife has another suggestion for you. She looks at the map beforehand and tries to relate the major roads at her destination to the major roads at home. That way, when she's in heavy traffic on 95 near Boston, she doesn't think "I'm stuck on a big, scary road," she thinks "this is just their Route 29—this is just like traffic on 29." I find that I do the same thing, but for navigation purposes, and just to get the general lay of the land.
posted by waldo at 4:43 PM on June 2, 2011
posted by waldo at 4:43 PM on June 2, 2011
Has google street view mapped out any of the route? Would it help if you traveled as much of it as you can via google street view?
posted by gingerbeer at 4:51 PM on June 2, 2011
posted by gingerbeer at 4:51 PM on June 2, 2011
Or, what waldo said.
posted by gingerbeer at 4:52 PM on June 2, 2011
posted by gingerbeer at 4:52 PM on June 2, 2011
As someone who doesn't get anxious about travel, but has been with those who are, one thing you might want to do is try to give your boyfriend a better idea of what he should be doing if you start becoming anxious. I realize you don't know what exactly will help, but presumably some things have been helpful in the past? Or maybe there are some things he should try to avoid? Do you want to keep driving/moving or stop as soon as possible? Do you need to get outdoors? Indoors? By yourself? Holding hands? Do you best to tell him in advance what you need, because he can't read your mind and he wants to help you.
If there are specific relaxation techniques you like, maybe you can have your boyfriend prompt you to use them?
And maybe if you feel an attack coming on, you can let him know and he can help you work through it before it develops into full blown anxiety? So if you're on the road and you start to feel anxious, he can start pointing out similarities as waldo suggests: "hey, this is just like Maple St. at home. There's a Burger King just like our Burger King. That car has a license plate from our state. That exit sign is the same as ours."
posted by zachlipton at 6:51 PM on June 2, 2011
If there are specific relaxation techniques you like, maybe you can have your boyfriend prompt you to use them?
And maybe if you feel an attack coming on, you can let him know and he can help you work through it before it develops into full blown anxiety? So if you're on the road and you start to feel anxious, he can start pointing out similarities as waldo suggests: "hey, this is just like Maple St. at home. There's a Burger King just like our Burger King. That car has a license plate from our state. That exit sign is the same as ours."
posted by zachlipton at 6:51 PM on June 2, 2011
I was going to suggest watching some movies or tv shows about the place where you're going, but for Baltimore that means either John Waters or The Wire...maybe too much wackiness/darkness for your first introduction to the city. (Although The Wire is really, really good, maybe one of the best shows ever, and you should watch it someday.)
Maybe watch a lot of "Ace of Cakes"? Or see if there's a travel/food show about Baltimore? Anthony Bourdain did one, maybe others have too.
Also, how about going to stay in a hotel overnight in your home town as a dry run?
posted by thinkingwoman at 7:35 PM on June 2, 2011
Maybe watch a lot of "Ace of Cakes"? Or see if there's a travel/food show about Baltimore? Anthony Bourdain did one, maybe others have too.
Also, how about going to stay in a hotel overnight in your home town as a dry run?
posted by thinkingwoman at 7:35 PM on June 2, 2011
Is there some chain fast food/restaurant place you like or don't mind? There's bound to be a Starbucks or a McDonald's near any point on your route. Have some tea (or whatever) breaks in quasi-familiar surroundings.
My dad seriously refuses to stop anywhere that isn't McDonald's on road trips and while this is a bit maddening as a vegetarian, it also does eliminate some stress--you know the bathroom's basically going to be clean, you know what there is to eat and so on.
posted by hoyland at 7:37 PM on June 2, 2011
My dad seriously refuses to stop anywhere that isn't McDonald's on road trips and while this is a bit maddening as a vegetarian, it also does eliminate some stress--you know the bathroom's basically going to be clean, you know what there is to eat and so on.
posted by hoyland at 7:37 PM on June 2, 2011
My dad seriously refuses to stop anywhere that isn't McDonald's on road trips and while this is a bit maddening as a vegetarian, it also does eliminate some stress--you know the bathroom's basically going to be clean, you know what there is to eat and so on.
If I had kids, I'd be just like your dad.
Regarding travel anxiety: I have a bit of that. I drive all around for work, and in my mental framework, I get stuck on getting back to home base. I will suffer all day with a headache, because I "know" I can stop at Walgreens on the way home and grab some aspirin. But that is ridiculous, there are Walgreens on every corner!
Other things that gave me great anxiety were not having my car. Not being able to jump in the car and run out for coffee or smokes makes me crazy. So, when I travel I make sure I rent a car. (Or, if this isn't an option, I make damn sure I am stocked up on instant coffee packets and smokes.) Want to make me crazy? Don't get enough keys to the hotel room so everyone can have one.
Anyway, what worked for me was to engage the various focal points of the anxiety and solve them:
If that means sweeping the entire contents of my medicine cabinet into my suitcase, so be it. Now I won't have to worry about what I will do if I suffer an allergic reaction, diarrhea, a cold sore and a toothache all at the same time.
If that means getting a map and mapping out ahead of time where the hospitals and Taco Bells are, go for it. If it means stopping at every rest plaza to wander around for 5 minutes, let's leave a half hour early and make time for it. If that means taking an interesting route instead of the faster one, do that. Hey, let's go up the Jefferson Davis, through Alexandria, through DC and then take the B-W parkway! I want to go past the Pentagon! Sure, it might take a little extra time, but the trip itself will be exciting and being able to look out the window and see the cool places, instead of being consumed with feeling trapped in the car with nothing to do.
Also, embrace some of the differentness. Go into the Starbucks and get your regular order, and notice how things are different and the same. Or, holy crap, we are only 30 miles from home, and they talk completely differently.
Anyway, the point is to eliminate as many of the anxiety triggers as you can, so any triggers that come along won't be on top of already being wound up to 11. And try to think of a bigger picture than your anxiety wants you to. Instead of suffering every second you are in the car, for example, look at the clock and remember that in an hour or two, you'll be done with it.
posted by gjc at 7:59 AM on June 3, 2011
If I had kids, I'd be just like your dad.
Regarding travel anxiety: I have a bit of that. I drive all around for work, and in my mental framework, I get stuck on getting back to home base. I will suffer all day with a headache, because I "know" I can stop at Walgreens on the way home and grab some aspirin. But that is ridiculous, there are Walgreens on every corner!
Other things that gave me great anxiety were not having my car. Not being able to jump in the car and run out for coffee or smokes makes me crazy. So, when I travel I make sure I rent a car. (Or, if this isn't an option, I make damn sure I am stocked up on instant coffee packets and smokes.) Want to make me crazy? Don't get enough keys to the hotel room so everyone can have one.
Anyway, what worked for me was to engage the various focal points of the anxiety and solve them:
If that means sweeping the entire contents of my medicine cabinet into my suitcase, so be it. Now I won't have to worry about what I will do if I suffer an allergic reaction, diarrhea, a cold sore and a toothache all at the same time.
If that means getting a map and mapping out ahead of time where the hospitals and Taco Bells are, go for it. If it means stopping at every rest plaza to wander around for 5 minutes, let's leave a half hour early and make time for it. If that means taking an interesting route instead of the faster one, do that. Hey, let's go up the Jefferson Davis, through Alexandria, through DC and then take the B-W parkway! I want to go past the Pentagon! Sure, it might take a little extra time, but the trip itself will be exciting and being able to look out the window and see the cool places, instead of being consumed with feeling trapped in the car with nothing to do.
Also, embrace some of the differentness. Go into the Starbucks and get your regular order, and notice how things are different and the same. Or, holy crap, we are only 30 miles from home, and they talk completely differently.
Anyway, the point is to eliminate as many of the anxiety triggers as you can, so any triggers that come along won't be on top of already being wound up to 11. And try to think of a bigger picture than your anxiety wants you to. Instead of suffering every second you are in the car, for example, look at the clock and remember that in an hour or two, you'll be done with it.
posted by gjc at 7:59 AM on June 3, 2011
Response by poster: These are all great ideas! I hadn't thought of the Starbucks/fast food thing, but that's one way to make another city seem like just another extension of my world, instead of a whole new one. I just glanced at the Google map again, and there's a Barnes and Noble within blocks of the hotel!
I do plan to stop by the Ace of Cakes building, and thinking about those nerds has been helpful "Look at those calm and wonderful people who live there all the time!"
And I live in Alexandria, so it's B-W parkway all the way.
posted by juniper at 8:19 AM on June 3, 2011
I do plan to stop by the Ace of Cakes building, and thinking about those nerds has been helpful "Look at those calm and wonderful people who live there all the time!"
And I live in Alexandria, so it's B-W parkway all the way.
posted by juniper at 8:19 AM on June 3, 2011
One more tip from my wife: Remember that while you are in a strange place, you are surrounded by people to whom this is home. The new-to-you rushing about is the same as people rushing about at home. I have to admit that this doesn't make any sense to me but, then, I don't have an anxiety disorder. :)
posted by waldo at 10:04 AM on June 3, 2011
posted by waldo at 10:04 AM on June 3, 2011
Make sure the people you're going to be with know that you're anxious and make sure they know what they should and should not do about it. It heightens my anxiety when I feel like I have to hide it for the comfort of others. I say something like "if I seem withdrawn, I'm just anxious, it's nothing personal and you don't need to worry about me" and people are OK with that.
posted by desjardins at 11:26 AM on June 3, 2011
posted by desjardins at 11:26 AM on June 3, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
Fill your time between now and then with other things to think about, and if you start freaking about the trip, think of the reasons you want to go. Pack things or make plans for ways to calm yourself if you get tense or freaked out. Plan for breaks and ways to get away from your triggers.
posted by filthy light thief at 2:47 PM on June 2, 2011