Because sometimes you just have to take off the hat
May 1, 2011 3:35 PM Subscribe
If you finally made peace with your hair after years of fighting, how did you do it? What did you change? Products? Tools? Techniques? Cut, color, style? Attitude? I'm not looking for tips for my specific hair - any and all experiences are welcome.
An avoidance of trendy cuts. Anna Wintour wears a bob for a reason.
posted by oflinkey at 3:43 PM on May 1, 2011
posted by oflinkey at 3:43 PM on May 1, 2011
Expensive hair color is worth every penny.
posted by Ideefixe at 3:49 PM on May 1, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Ideefixe at 3:49 PM on May 1, 2011 [1 favorite]
I have thick coarse highlighted hair and I wear it shoulder length tapered around my face with bangs. Just blow it dry then use a straightening iron on it to smooth it. If it is a windy day I just use my fingers to fix my bangs or smooth it down elsewhere. I know women who worry constantly about their hair, that is not what I want to do. I went on a cruise one time with my sister and she did not want to go on deck because she didn't want to mess her hair up, sad true story!
posted by sandyp at 3:54 PM on May 1, 2011
posted by sandyp at 3:54 PM on May 1, 2011
I found a great hair stylist that is willing to walk me through how to style my hair by giving me a "styling for dummies" lesson every time I go. It took a couple visits before I felt comfortable enough to let her do whatever she wanted, and for her to feel like she could do what she wanted and I really wouldn't flip out, but manging my hair is much less stressful now than it used to be. Admitting that I'm extremely dense on the whole issue helped slow her down enough to give me idiot-proof guidance on styling.
And I practice new hair styles/products on days when I know I'm not going to see anybody. So I end up looking a little bizarre on my hermit-days by having either super great hair (if all goes well) or some sort of really terrible bird's nest. It means I don't have as many lazy weekend days, but it also means I feel more confident the first time I go out and about with a new hair style.
posted by lilac girl at 3:55 PM on May 1, 2011
And I practice new hair styles/products on days when I know I'm not going to see anybody. So I end up looking a little bizarre on my hermit-days by having either super great hair (if all goes well) or some sort of really terrible bird's nest. It means I don't have as many lazy weekend days, but it also means I feel more confident the first time I go out and about with a new hair style.
posted by lilac girl at 3:55 PM on May 1, 2011
The less I do to it, the better it looks. Sulfate-free shampoo and conditioner. Mother nature knows what color hair looks best on me, so I go with it.
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 3:55 PM on May 1, 2011 [7 favorites]
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 3:55 PM on May 1, 2011 [7 favorites]
Took the plunge and found a salon stylist who actually knew what to do with my (thin, straight, limp) hair to make it look good (not too long, not too short, some layers - it just lays nicely now and looks put-together without looking like trying-too-hard or requiring too much styling effort on my part).
I muddled through with cheap cuts and chopping it off short for years, avoiding the expense, the hassle - had no idea what to do with it to make it more interesting, and not wanting to really care about "girlie things"... but it was a revelation how good I felt looking at myself in the mirror after the first time I went to her - even as I winced at the price.
posted by flex at 3:55 PM on May 1, 2011
I muddled through with cheap cuts and chopping it off short for years, avoiding the expense, the hassle - had no idea what to do with it to make it more interesting, and not wanting to really care about "girlie things"... but it was a revelation how good I felt looking at myself in the mirror after the first time I went to her - even as I winced at the price.
posted by flex at 3:55 PM on May 1, 2011
I've never fought with my hair... but here's what I do:
- I get it cut roughly every 6 months. I tell my stylist (whom I love) roughly what length I want it, and other than that give her free reign to cut it so it'll look good, knowing about the other things I do:
- I wash it about twice a week with regular drugstore normal-hair shampoo and conditioner. Generally I buy something different from what I had last time and that doesn't smell awful. I keep it out of the water other than that
- After I wash it, I towel dry well and then comb through quickly with a wide-toothed comb, then I shake it out with my fingers so it ends up where it wants to be instead of where I want to be.
...and that's it. I don't blow dry it, I don't put anything in it, ever (well, once a year or so I'll put some super light hold hairspray for some event), I usually brush it in the morning when I wake up, but not always, sometimes I just finger through it. I generally take it up and down from ponytail throughout the day. I don't color it, and will continue to not color it as I go gray. I have ridiculously healthy hair.
posted by brainmouse at 3:56 PM on May 1, 2011
- I get it cut roughly every 6 months. I tell my stylist (whom I love) roughly what length I want it, and other than that give her free reign to cut it so it'll look good, knowing about the other things I do:
- I wash it about twice a week with regular drugstore normal-hair shampoo and conditioner. Generally I buy something different from what I had last time and that doesn't smell awful. I keep it out of the water other than that
- After I wash it, I towel dry well and then comb through quickly with a wide-toothed comb, then I shake it out with my fingers so it ends up where it wants to be instead of where I want to be.
...and that's it. I don't blow dry it, I don't put anything in it, ever (well, once a year or so I'll put some super light hold hairspray for some event), I usually brush it in the morning when I wake up, but not always, sometimes I just finger through it. I generally take it up and down from ponytail throughout the day. I don't color it, and will continue to not color it as I go gray. I have ridiculously healthy hair.
posted by brainmouse at 3:56 PM on May 1, 2011
expensive shampoo&conditioner + time for the damaged hair to grow out (and get cut off)
In my case, I had been using the generic version of salon brand shampoo&conditioner (which is okay at best). Then I went to donate my hair (meaning a lot got cut off) and bought the real stuff. Ever since then, I've had incredibly healthy, nice hair (after a lifetime of it being an embarrassment).
posted by Neekee at 3:56 PM on May 1, 2011
In my case, I had been using the generic version of salon brand shampoo&conditioner (which is okay at best). Then I went to donate my hair (meaning a lot got cut off) and bought the real stuff. Ever since then, I've had incredibly healthy, nice hair (after a lifetime of it being an embarrassment).
posted by Neekee at 3:56 PM on May 1, 2011
and I don't color, blowdry, flatiron, or use styling products (I used to use leave-in, don't need it anymore).
posted by Neekee at 3:59 PM on May 1, 2011
posted by Neekee at 3:59 PM on May 1, 2011
-found a stylist who does a good job with my hair
-got honest with myself and the stylist about how much work I was willing to put into maintenance and styling (i.e. not much) so she could give me a low-maintenance cut
-asked for cuts that would grow out well, so I didn't have to get it cut as often
-accepted my hair type and face shape, and learned what sort of cuts suit both
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 4:01 PM on May 1, 2011
-got honest with myself and the stylist about how much work I was willing to put into maintenance and styling (i.e. not much) so she could give me a low-maintenance cut
-asked for cuts that would grow out well, so I didn't have to get it cut as often
-accepted my hair type and face shape, and learned what sort of cuts suit both
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 4:01 PM on May 1, 2011
Hmmm, I'm not sure I've made peace with my hair! But I've definitely learned to fight it better...
(a) good straightening irons. After years of using cheap ones, OMG they have been a revelation - I only wash my hair once or twice a week and now I just need to straighten it after washing and it stays straight until I wash it again
(b) find a good hairdresser (ask friends with similar hair types for recommendations), and booking my next appointment before I leave the salon (otherwise I end up procrastinating, and leave it 6 months by which point I have split ends, my style has lost all its shape and is generally looking horrendous)
(c) figuring out how to deal with a bad hair day and still look good. For me that means an alice band.
(d) hair masks - I put them in before sitting in the steam room at the gym and they work wonders!
Weirdly, I now spend less time on my hair on a daily basis but it looks so much better! (So peace of a sort...)
posted by finding.perdita at 4:02 PM on May 1, 2011
(a) good straightening irons. After years of using cheap ones, OMG they have been a revelation - I only wash my hair once or twice a week and now I just need to straighten it after washing and it stays straight until I wash it again
(b) find a good hairdresser (ask friends with similar hair types for recommendations), and booking my next appointment before I leave the salon (otherwise I end up procrastinating, and leave it 6 months by which point I have split ends, my style has lost all its shape and is generally looking horrendous)
(c) figuring out how to deal with a bad hair day and still look good. For me that means an alice band.
(d) hair masks - I put them in before sitting in the steam room at the gym and they work wonders!
Weirdly, I now spend less time on my hair on a daily basis but it looks so much better! (So peace of a sort...)
posted by finding.perdita at 4:02 PM on May 1, 2011
Reasonably thick, wavy hair here.
1) I finally got a non-trendy but stylish haircut that actually works for my hair type -- I gave up on the perfect bob after years of trying to have it because I just don't have the type of hair that's necessary to make it work without tons of effort and product.
2a) stopped coloring it myself and found a good colorist (who's also my stylist) and 2b) went back to a natural color/highlight combo that works for me in terms of my skin tone. I once read that the most flattering hair color/highlight is whatever color it was when you were a toddler. So I switched from my trendy-girl fire engine red to toddler-girl dark strawberry blonde.
3) gave up shampoo 98% of the time in favor of the conditioner-only method (occasionally prefaced by an apple cider vinegar rinse). The other 2% of the time is either when it gets shampooed at the salon, or on the rare occasion my scalp gets a little itchy/flaky and requires a round of Neutrogena T-gel.
4) giving up shampoo made my hair manageable enough that it enabled me to stop washing my hair daily (or even ever other day) and reduce it to once or twice a week; this means I blow-dry my hair less (using only about a dime-sized amount of Aveda smoothing fluid), which causes less damage, thus further reducing the need to wash daily or to use a lot of additional products.
I just finished six rounds of chemo of the type that doesn't make all your hair fall out completely, but does tend to make it a lot thinner and more brittle. Following the above regimen actually improved my hair during chemo, to the point that my oncologist asked me how I was doing it so that she could recommend it to other patients.
posted by scody at 4:09 PM on May 1, 2011 [1 favorite]
1) I finally got a non-trendy but stylish haircut that actually works for my hair type -- I gave up on the perfect bob after years of trying to have it because I just don't have the type of hair that's necessary to make it work without tons of effort and product.
2a) stopped coloring it myself and found a good colorist (who's also my stylist) and 2b) went back to a natural color/highlight combo that works for me in terms of my skin tone. I once read that the most flattering hair color/highlight is whatever color it was when you were a toddler. So I switched from my trendy-girl fire engine red to toddler-girl dark strawberry blonde.
3) gave up shampoo 98% of the time in favor of the conditioner-only method (occasionally prefaced by an apple cider vinegar rinse). The other 2% of the time is either when it gets shampooed at the salon, or on the rare occasion my scalp gets a little itchy/flaky and requires a round of Neutrogena T-gel.
4) giving up shampoo made my hair manageable enough that it enabled me to stop washing my hair daily (or even ever other day) and reduce it to once or twice a week; this means I blow-dry my hair less (using only about a dime-sized amount of Aveda smoothing fluid), which causes less damage, thus further reducing the need to wash daily or to use a lot of additional products.
I just finished six rounds of chemo of the type that doesn't make all your hair fall out completely, but does tend to make it a lot thinner and more brittle. Following the above regimen actually improved my hair during chemo, to the point that my oncologist asked me how I was doing it so that she could recommend it to other patients.
posted by scody at 4:09 PM on May 1, 2011 [1 favorite]
I had always worn my hair up. Always. Other than at my high school prom and for a couple of Halloween costumes, no one outside of my household had ever seen my hair down. Until I was about 22, coming off of a bad breakup, feeling restless, and one day, I took a pair of utility scissors into the bathroom and cut it off. Not boy-short, but short enough that I could no longer pull it back. And so I had no choice but to deal with it as it was.
I made a lot of unfortunate choices in those early days, including one style with clips that left me looking like Alice from Dilbert. But I persevered and spent a lot of money trying out different products, and developed a relationship with a real stylist who used real scissors. And now I quite like my hair.
So, short answer, for me it was mostly attitude. I went from just refusing to deal with it to spending a lot of time experimenting with it to having a style I can fix and mostly forget about again. But finding someone who understood how to cut my very thick curls, and finding a brand of gel that made it manageable but not sticky or stiff, and figuring out that I needed to style it soaking wet were all a big part of the process.
posted by decathecting at 4:17 PM on May 1, 2011
I made a lot of unfortunate choices in those early days, including one style with clips that left me looking like Alice from Dilbert. But I persevered and spent a lot of money trying out different products, and developed a relationship with a real stylist who used real scissors. And now I quite like my hair.
So, short answer, for me it was mostly attitude. I went from just refusing to deal with it to spending a lot of time experimenting with it to having a style I can fix and mostly forget about again. But finding someone who understood how to cut my very thick curls, and finding a brand of gel that made it manageable but not sticky or stiff, and figuring out that I needed to style it soaking wet were all a big part of the process.
posted by decathecting at 4:17 PM on May 1, 2011
Honestly? After years of long, bushy hair, I just cut it all off. Hasn't even been past my chin in ages. Much more flattering this way. Best hair decision I ever made.
posted by Narrative Priorities at 4:23 PM on May 1, 2011
posted by Narrative Priorities at 4:23 PM on May 1, 2011
My hair is thick, wavy, and BIG.
Rules to live by (for me and my mop):
1. Not too short. Not too long.
2. Spend a lot to get it cut, and have A Guy.
3. Do NOT brush it once it's dry.
4. Find the right products (or in my case, a combination of 2 products). You will buy stuff and end up throwing/giving it away. Try your friends' products.
5. I have to put products in when my hair is still WET. Not towel-dried. Drippy.
posted by i_am_a_fiesta at 4:24 PM on May 1, 2011
Rules to live by (for me and my mop):
1. Not too short. Not too long.
2. Spend a lot to get it cut, and have A Guy.
3. Do NOT brush it once it's dry.
4. Find the right products (or in my case, a combination of 2 products). You will buy stuff and end up throwing/giving it away. Try your friends' products.
5. I have to put products in when my hair is still WET. Not towel-dried. Drippy.
posted by i_am_a_fiesta at 4:24 PM on May 1, 2011
I have thick, wavy hair with an unfortunate tendency to frizz in humidity. I went to a real stylist finally, that I chose from reviews online. I took a picture of the cut I wanted but she dissuaded me from cutting it short and layered what I had. She took me at my word that I am unlikely to put much effort into my hair and will leave the house with it wet, even in winter. She got me onto BioSilk Silk Therapy (that you use while the hair is still wet) and after using it once, I was converted. My spouse, who has similar hair, now goes to my stylist and uses this same (sole) product. No frizz and it has improved the overall health of our (respective) hair. Our household is never without.
I think that most women want the opposite kind of hair that they have. Realize that you can fight your hair but you will never win. Find a stylist who likes working with your particular type of hair.
posted by Morrigan at 4:45 PM on May 1, 2011
I think that most women want the opposite kind of hair that they have. Realize that you can fight your hair but you will never win. Find a stylist who likes working with your particular type of hair.
posted by Morrigan at 4:45 PM on May 1, 2011
Wash it as infrequently as possible. I've tried conditioner only and it's generally required more frequent washing simply due to lank/grease. Get a good brush that makes your hair shinier after bushing, not just one that gets knots out. Have a good hairdresser - mine is not expensive, but she knows my hair, knows my style and is willing to tell me when I need to wait and what will look good (but will accede to my demands if necessary which is why my latest haircut isn't quite as good because I wanted to try a thicker fringe) (I will listen to her in future, probably).
posted by geek anachronism at 4:50 PM on May 1, 2011
posted by geek anachronism at 4:50 PM on May 1, 2011
I made peace with my (fine, kinda limp) hair when I got a really good haircut that seemed to look way better the less I did to it. When I try to style it like crazy and use products, it rebels and falls apart. One day, when the cut was still new, I just blew it dry and didn't do anythign else - and it looked really cute. It was an epiphany - I'd been fighting with it for so long, and all it wanted was to be accepted for what it was (well, it also wanted a well-done haircut). The moral of the story is that it is so important to find a good stylist you trust, and who knows your hair. It takes work, but it's so worth it once you find him/her.
posted by DrGirlfriend at 4:52 PM on May 1, 2011
posted by DrGirlfriend at 4:52 PM on May 1, 2011
My hair is very thick and very fine, and I was never able to do anything with it except pay someone talented and expensive to make the highlights look natural. Then I moved to a country where for three dollars, a nice woman would give you a scalp massage, shampoo and blowout any time you wanted it. (For me, that was about three times a week.) So I didn't shampoo my own hair for five years. WHY WOULD I? And I got used to it looking fabulous.
Then I moved back to the West, where even a bad blowout will run you twenty dollars minimum. And I cried and I moaned and I bitched and then I went out and bought a round brush and some good producct and big velcro rollers and watched fifty how to dry your hair videos on youtube. Still hate every minute of the drying and styling process, but when my hair looks good, I look good. Does that count as peace?
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet at 4:53 PM on May 1, 2011
Then I moved back to the West, where even a bad blowout will run you twenty dollars minimum. And I cried and I moaned and I bitched and then I went out and bought a round brush and some good producct and big velcro rollers and watched fifty how to dry your hair videos on youtube. Still hate every minute of the drying and styling process, but when my hair looks good, I look good. Does that count as peace?
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet at 4:53 PM on May 1, 2011
Get a good hairdresser. S/he doesn't have to be expensive or in a fancy salon but they do need to listen to what you like & don't like, what you want and what you are willing to give as a daily time commitment to your hair. The hairdresser is the biggest piece.
Figure out what your face shape & hair type is and try to look at photos of people with similar types. Most likely if something looks good on that person it'll look halfway decent on you. FWIW, my person is Katie Holmes and she's yet to steer me wrong.
I have super thick kind of wavy hair. I wash it every other day with regular drugstore shampoo and conditioner or I use Lush solid shampoo & conditioner if I have a little more time. I rarely use product in my hair and I usually use a super absorbant towel... then comb through and shake it to where it wants to go. I'll blowdry my bangs if I think they are going to be an issue.
posted by splitinfinitive at 4:57 PM on May 1, 2011
Figure out what your face shape & hair type is and try to look at photos of people with similar types. Most likely if something looks good on that person it'll look halfway decent on you. FWIW, my person is Katie Holmes and she's yet to steer me wrong.
I have super thick kind of wavy hair. I wash it every other day with regular drugstore shampoo and conditioner or I use Lush solid shampoo & conditioner if I have a little more time. I rarely use product in my hair and I usually use a super absorbant towel... then comb through and shake it to where it wants to go. I'll blowdry my bangs if I think they are going to be an issue.
posted by splitinfinitive at 4:57 PM on May 1, 2011
Well, I have wavy brunette hair that seems to grow quickly and a couple stubborn cowlicks. I had the same haircut for about 20 years: parted on the left side, shoulder length, and honestly not becoming at all. I finally let it grow out and got bangs that skim my eyebrows from a stylist who actually knows what she is doing (sort of like the haircut that Andy got in "The Devil Wears Prada"). It felt too trendy at first and as a minimalist, DIY punk type, I thought I didn't want to bother with regular haircuts at a salon. But then I realized that about every four weeks, my hair is suddenly too thick and unflattering. After some unfortunate at-home trimming attempts, I finally accepted that I just need to get my hair "cleaned up" once a month at a salon. It is the difference between me looking like George Harrison and me looking more like Zooey Deschanel (sadly, I have been compared to both). On the upside, total strangers tell my friends what beautiful hair I have now!
As for products, I got some cheap hair serum to calm fly aways and add shine. I don't use it daily, but it helps calm my hair down when I do. I use a sulfate free conditioner (not on the my scalp but definitely on the ends).
I don't blow dry my hair. I just let it air dry.
I also don't use hair bands to put my tresses into a ponytail anymore. My hair stylist pointed out a couple years ago that the band was slowly breaking my hair in a horizontal line. So, now I pin my hair up and use a sweatband when I work out.
The latest addition is learning how to curl my own hair to give it that soft wavy look. It is something that the teenager in me cannot believe I am doing, but the adult me is surprised by how nice it looks.
posted by pinetree at 5:01 PM on May 1, 2011
As for products, I got some cheap hair serum to calm fly aways and add shine. I don't use it daily, but it helps calm my hair down when I do. I use a sulfate free conditioner (not on the my scalp but definitely on the ends).
I don't blow dry my hair. I just let it air dry.
I also don't use hair bands to put my tresses into a ponytail anymore. My hair stylist pointed out a couple years ago that the band was slowly breaking my hair in a horizontal line. So, now I pin my hair up and use a sweatband when I work out.
The latest addition is learning how to curl my own hair to give it that soft wavy look. It is something that the teenager in me cannot believe I am doing, but the adult me is surprised by how nice it looks.
posted by pinetree at 5:01 PM on May 1, 2011
All of the above. For my fine, long, wavy/curly, color-treated hair... it's always been a battle of how to cut it and style it and what the heck to use on it. I think the biggest difference has been figuring out what to do with it after I wash it, and to fight the tendency to mess with my hair while it's drying.
After washing my hair, I use a tiny amount of leave-in conditioner, some curly hair mousse, or curly hair gel, comb it through and then scrunch. As long as I don't touch it after styling and let it air dry, it usually comes out looking like a pretty decent head of hair. I started using sulfate-free shampoos as well as silicone-free conditioners and styling products, and I think that's made a big difference also. About once a week I use a clarifying shampoo to get rid of any product build-up.
posted by wondermouse at 5:09 PM on May 1, 2011
After washing my hair, I use a tiny amount of leave-in conditioner, some curly hair mousse, or curly hair gel, comb it through and then scrunch. As long as I don't touch it after styling and let it air dry, it usually comes out looking like a pretty decent head of hair. I started using sulfate-free shampoos as well as silicone-free conditioners and styling products, and I think that's made a big difference also. About once a week I use a clarifying shampoo to get rid of any product build-up.
posted by wondermouse at 5:09 PM on May 1, 2011
I found someone who actually knows how to cut curly hair and I let go. I stopped straightening, I stopped buying new products, I stopped buying new doodads to put it up with. I cut it short and adorable and I wear it wild and curly. Now I sleep in an extra 30 minutes and people stop me on the street to ask how I get my hair like that. It took time, but I have totally accepted it now.
posted by magnetsphere at 5:19 PM on May 1, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by magnetsphere at 5:19 PM on May 1, 2011 [2 favorites]
I went to a highly recommended, fairly pricy hairstylist and asked a lot of questions. Until then, it hadn't really sunk in that there are hair experts in the world, and that they'd be happy to tame mine if I paid them.
posted by honeydew at 5:20 PM on May 1, 2011
posted by honeydew at 5:20 PM on May 1, 2011
I stopped coloring, made peace with going gray, and developed a personal style (such as it is) that works with the hair I have.
I gave up on the idea of a short, sassy haircut or any hairstyle that needs to be fussed with. I can do a bob or I can do long hair, and right now even a simple bob is fussier than I want because it has to be straightened to look nice.
Long hair works for me because I can manage its three basic options with a minimum of stress and products. Five minutes with a blow dryer and another two with a straightening iron can get me looking reasonably polished. When even that is too much trouble I can scrunch with a bit of gel and go wavy, and there is always a ponytail to get it out of my face when I need to (or when having it down looks like shit for whatever reason.)
Having a quick and simple hair option for every circumstance has been the biggest peace-maker for me. Life is too short (and I'm much too lazy) to fight with my hair.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 5:21 PM on May 1, 2011
I gave up on the idea of a short, sassy haircut or any hairstyle that needs to be fussed with. I can do a bob or I can do long hair, and right now even a simple bob is fussier than I want because it has to be straightened to look nice.
Long hair works for me because I can manage its three basic options with a minimum of stress and products. Five minutes with a blow dryer and another two with a straightening iron can get me looking reasonably polished. When even that is too much trouble I can scrunch with a bit of gel and go wavy, and there is always a ponytail to get it out of my face when I need to (or when having it down looks like shit for whatever reason.)
Having a quick and simple hair option for every circumstance has been the biggest peace-maker for me. Life is too short (and I'm much too lazy) to fight with my hair.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 5:21 PM on May 1, 2011
I spent years trying to create a sleek 'do out of my thick, wavy/curly hair. Oh, how I envied the women whose hair fell perfectly every day. Then, one morning I had had enough. Instead of going to my haircut appointment with dirty, slept-in hair, I washed it and let it airdry as is. When I showed up for my appointment, I showed my stylist all the spiral and deep-cut waves I had and said "This is what my hair is like; deal with it. I don't want to spend more than five minutes drying it in the morning and, please remember, I'm not especially skilled with styling tools." Best thing I ever did! My hair and I now happily coexist and no one gets hurt.
posted by DrGail at 5:26 PM on May 1, 2011
posted by DrGail at 5:26 PM on May 1, 2011
I got my several-foot-long thin, wispy hair cut in short layers toward the end of college by a local stylist—a real stylist, from an independent salon, not a family member or someone at Great Clips—for Locks of Love. I let the remnants of my bangs grow out. I put in the time to wash it and blow-dry it upside-down every morning and spray/brush it into place (really only ~15 minutes total for both). It finally works for me, in a Nancy Drew bob kind of way.
posted by limeonaire at 5:30 PM on May 1, 2011
posted by limeonaire at 5:30 PM on May 1, 2011
My problem was thick, partially-wavy/partially straight hair with assertive cowlicks. (My hair does not grow long and pretty. It grows WIDE and big--think The Flying Nun). I got tired of taming my mop each morning for 30 minutes with irons, backcombing, clips, gels, thinning shears, you name it. So eventually I found the most flattering shorter cut that lets my hair do what it was going to do by 11AM anyway, and I now I spend my pre-work mornings farting around on twitter.
posted by applemeat at 5:30 PM on May 1, 2011
posted by applemeat at 5:30 PM on May 1, 2011
I shaved it. Three years ago, I shaved my head in order to raise a little bit of money for childhood cancer research. I could not belive how liberating it was. Now I don't shave it, but my partner cuts it with the #1 buzzer blade about every 3-4 weeks. I'm a woman in my mid-40s whose hair always felt problematic and I have been amazed by how freeing it has been to just mostly opt out of having hair. Ironically, now that I have a pretty attention-getting haircut, I am almost completely unselfconscious about my hair for the first time in my life. Also, although I am quite fat and generally ordinary-looking, young people regularly tell me how cool I look, which is always a surprise and fun to hear.
posted by not that girl at 6:03 PM on May 1, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by not that girl at 6:03 PM on May 1, 2011 [2 favorites]
I shampoo much less frequently, condition much less frequently, and gave up the products except for a tiny bit off gel. Result is softer and more manageable curls.
posted by orthogonality at 6:19 PM on May 1, 2011
posted by orthogonality at 6:19 PM on May 1, 2011
I'm currently wearing a bad cut. It's short enough that there's nothing much I can do about it unless I decided to go with a buzz cut. What works for me? Knowing it's hair. Hair grows. This will go away quickly, YAY, unlike bad skin.
The other trick is finding clothes that work with the cut. (Turns out I need to dress like a mid-80s Rod Stewart to look fantastic, right now.) Clothes are clothes & hair is hair, but both have a style (even if the former is "whatever fits" and the latter is "I never comb it"). Make sure those styles go well together.
posted by Ys at 6:35 PM on May 1, 2011
The other trick is finding clothes that work with the cut. (Turns out I need to dress like a mid-80s Rod Stewart to look fantastic, right now.) Clothes are clothes & hair is hair, but both have a style (even if the former is "whatever fits" and the latter is "I never comb it"). Make sure those styles go well together.
posted by Ys at 6:35 PM on May 1, 2011
Seconding shaving it. I did it on a whim, with hair that was shoulder-length at the time. It's now long again, but the 2-3 years it took to grow back, and the varying degrees of ugliness (and mullet-ness) along the way gave me a solid "it's just hair" perspective.
posted by orangejenny at 6:41 PM on May 1, 2011
posted by orangejenny at 6:41 PM on May 1, 2011
I have very slightly wavy hair, in which the waves mostly manifest as indefatigable cowlicks. I spent years trying to make it perfectly straight. Following the advice of a book called Curly Girl, I reduced my use of shampoo, and most days use just conditioner, which I massage into my scalp to loosen any sort of debris. I had my hair cut into a short bob with a side part and sideswept bangs. The effect is a bob where the ends turn out by themselves, and the only product I use is a dab of Bumble and bumble grooming cream to keep my part in place.
posted by Sara Anne at 6:43 PM on May 1, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Sara Anne at 6:43 PM on May 1, 2011 [1 favorite]
I love my hair. It's extra-extra long. It's thick. It's healthy. But. I never liked the way it looked pulled back, and, fairly frequently, I wear it in a bun on the back of my head to get it out of the way.
I thought I'd look better with bangs, but it took me about 3 years to get up the courage to cut them into my hair. Now that I've done so, I am CRAZY about it. I so much prefer the way I look now, both with the rest of the hair loose and when it's pulled up in various ways. I go have a 5-minute session with hair scissors and a mirror every two weeks or so and the bangs stay delightful. (I keep the looong hairs trimmed too, but on a less frequent schedule.)
Also the long loose tendrils around my face that come out of any kind of fastening are much easier to deal with now that they are shorter. They used to come loose and whip into my eyes when I was driving with the window down, for example. Bands, clips, barrettes, and hats were unable to keep the damn things contained. Now they're manageable.
posted by galadriel at 7:23 PM on May 1, 2011
I thought I'd look better with bangs, but it took me about 3 years to get up the courage to cut them into my hair. Now that I've done so, I am CRAZY about it. I so much prefer the way I look now, both with the rest of the hair loose and when it's pulled up in various ways. I go have a 5-minute session with hair scissors and a mirror every two weeks or so and the bangs stay delightful. (I keep the looong hairs trimmed too, but on a less frequent schedule.)
Also the long loose tendrils around my face that come out of any kind of fastening are much easier to deal with now that they are shorter. They used to come loose and whip into my eyes when I was driving with the window down, for example. Bands, clips, barrettes, and hats were unable to keep the damn things contained. Now they're manageable.
posted by galadriel at 7:23 PM on May 1, 2011
Tips given to me by hairdressers which so far have worked for my fine but have lots of it, frizzes easily hair;
Wash it infrequently, like once a week, rinsing in cold water only. Hot water and frequent washing strips the oils (plus your colour) leading to dandruff etc. Only shampoo the roots and use a deep conditioner. Cold water makes the hair cuticle lie flat so your hair looks shinier.
Try not to tie your hair back, it leads to breakages around the hairline which is why my hair is frizzy there.
Apply heat as infrequently as possible (blowdryers, straighteners etc) and if you do use a thermal protector spray on your hair first.
If you can, get your hair professionally colored. When you do it at home yourself, youre laying chemical treatment upon treatment over the hair causing it to get more damaged. Hairdressers rarely colour the entire head of hair over and over again, they just do root regrowth so each section only gets colored once. Since getting it done professionally, that and laying off the hair straightener has made a massive difference to my hair.
The lighter you get from your natural hair colour, the more chemical treatment you'll need esp if you're dark and go blonde and the more you'll damage your hair. This can take years to recover from. Unless you go short and cut all the damage out.
Admit the amount of time you're prepared to spend on your hair and get it cut accordingly. There's no point in me getting a high maintenance cut when I will never follow through at home.
Morrocan oil and anti frizz serum has done wonders in helping my long hair not look like a ball of frizz in humid weather.
Cheap hairdressers and cheap shampoos and conditioners show in my hair. Yours may be different.
It's taken me my whole life to learn this!
posted by Jubey at 7:56 PM on May 1, 2011
Wash it infrequently, like once a week, rinsing in cold water only. Hot water and frequent washing strips the oils (plus your colour) leading to dandruff etc. Only shampoo the roots and use a deep conditioner. Cold water makes the hair cuticle lie flat so your hair looks shinier.
Try not to tie your hair back, it leads to breakages around the hairline which is why my hair is frizzy there.
Apply heat as infrequently as possible (blowdryers, straighteners etc) and if you do use a thermal protector spray on your hair first.
If you can, get your hair professionally colored. When you do it at home yourself, youre laying chemical treatment upon treatment over the hair causing it to get more damaged. Hairdressers rarely colour the entire head of hair over and over again, they just do root regrowth so each section only gets colored once. Since getting it done professionally, that and laying off the hair straightener has made a massive difference to my hair.
The lighter you get from your natural hair colour, the more chemical treatment you'll need esp if you're dark and go blonde and the more you'll damage your hair. This can take years to recover from. Unless you go short and cut all the damage out.
Admit the amount of time you're prepared to spend on your hair and get it cut accordingly. There's no point in me getting a high maintenance cut when I will never follow through at home.
Morrocan oil and anti frizz serum has done wonders in helping my long hair not look like a ball of frizz in humid weather.
Cheap hairdressers and cheap shampoos and conditioners show in my hair. Yours may be different.
It's taken me my whole life to learn this!
posted by Jubey at 7:56 PM on May 1, 2011
You know the advice to ask a stranger with great hair (but hair that is at its essence similar to yours) where they go for haircuts? I did that.
I'm not utterly in love with my hair now, but in the five or six years since I found that stylist there've been a handful of little flukes where I've needed a cut but haven't seen him -- I'm on vacation or he is or whatever -- and every time I've gone elsewhere I've ended up kicking myself as dude-who-knows-what-to-do-with-my-hair's messy grown-out cut was better than the cut from the semi-random semi-expensive stylist. Me and hair have made peace and I feel like I have some idea of what to do with it, which I did not for the first quarter century of my life. Those people with grown-up-looking heads -- how did they do it? I had no idea. +1 being honest with the stylist about how much styling you are willing to do, especially if that is little to none, and asking for tips.
I do enjoy the poncy shampoos and conditioners, as others have mentioned. I don't know if it makes a huge difference in appearance, but I enjoy patting my head afterwards (so soft and bouncy!) and that's good enough.
posted by kmennie at 8:44 PM on May 1, 2011
I'm not utterly in love with my hair now, but in the five or six years since I found that stylist there've been a handful of little flukes where I've needed a cut but haven't seen him -- I'm on vacation or he is or whatever -- and every time I've gone elsewhere I've ended up kicking myself as dude-who-knows-what-to-do-with-my-hair's messy grown-out cut was better than the cut from the semi-random semi-expensive stylist. Me and hair have made peace and I feel like I have some idea of what to do with it, which I did not for the first quarter century of my life. Those people with grown-up-looking heads -- how did they do it? I had no idea. +1 being honest with the stylist about how much styling you are willing to do, especially if that is little to none, and asking for tips.
I do enjoy the poncy shampoos and conditioners, as others have mentioned. I don't know if it makes a huge difference in appearance, but I enjoy patting my head afterwards (so soft and bouncy!) and that's good enough.
posted by kmennie at 8:44 PM on May 1, 2011
I hacked my hair off to a short bob. It's pretty choppy, because I do it myself, with whatever scissors are laying around. I dye it varying shades of purple, blue, red, depending on how my mood strikes me. Every so often I wash it, but the less I wash it, the more manageable it becomes. Sometimes I put a bit of product in, sometimes I roll it an pin it and give it a little squirt of hairspray.
Ultimately, by cutting my hair myself, I know it'll never be perfect, and that gives me the freedom to play with it and not give a fuck. Plus, I'm going to put a motorcycle helmet a few times every day anyway, and that ruins any semblance of style it might ever have.
posted by mollymayhem at 11:22 PM on May 1, 2011
Ultimately, by cutting my hair myself, I know it'll never be perfect, and that gives me the freedom to play with it and not give a fuck. Plus, I'm going to put a motorcycle helmet a few times every day anyway, and that ruins any semblance of style it might ever have.
posted by mollymayhem at 11:22 PM on May 1, 2011
I always hated cheesy haircuts and trying to get good with wax etc. Now I don't shampoo/conditioner it or use any products. I wash it every couple of days in water. It's never smelled bad like if you don't wash it at all. I shave it and let it grow naturally. With the natural oil, sometimes it looks as good as an expensive cut and style (depending on where it's grown to lol) Girls can apparently get a good cut by bringing it all to the front and cutting it straight across. Maybe something like this.
posted by Not Supplied at 11:36 PM on May 1, 2011
posted by Not Supplied at 11:36 PM on May 1, 2011
I've had cheap cuts and expensive cuts and have not found expensive cuts to justify the cost. I learned that layering works best for my thick, coarse, very wavy hair. I discovered silicon (shine goo) and gel work well to tame the frizz and allow it to curl nicely. I use whatever shampoo and creme rinse smells okay and is not too spendy. It used to be black, now it's mostly white, and I keep thinking about coloring it, but I never have. I find that letting my hair be the way it is, instead of trying to follow trends, works best.
posted by theora55 at 12:39 AM on May 2, 2011
posted by theora55 at 12:39 AM on May 2, 2011
I fought with my hair all through my teens. I'd brush it out like mad and try to straighten it with those pre-ceramic shitty straighteners. It was a bushy mess. When I got to college I was probably a little distracted and lazy about my hair, and a few times after showering I didn't brush it: hello, curls!
It took another few years how to learn how to care for curls properly: Finding a hairdresser who knows how to cut curls and doesn't automatically want to straighten it for one, and avoiding silicone conditioning products means I don't have to use harsh shampoos. I do very little to it now and get complements all the time.
posted by hannahlambda at 3:03 AM on May 2, 2011
It took another few years how to learn how to care for curls properly: Finding a hairdresser who knows how to cut curls and doesn't automatically want to straighten it for one, and avoiding silicone conditioning products means I don't have to use harsh shampoos. I do very little to it now and get complements all the time.
posted by hannahlambda at 3:03 AM on May 2, 2011
Ponytail, shampoo every couple of months, no conditioner/mousse/anything has worked for me for going-on 10 years.
posted by MrMoonPie at 5:25 AM on May 2, 2011
posted by MrMoonPie at 5:25 AM on May 2, 2011
I stopped flat-ironing it every day and mostly just throw some gel/sprunch spray in it and go. It's a giant hassle to flat-iron (and blow dry) it anyway! And if I want to wear it straight I start out by using the Living Proof line of shampoo/conditioner/styling cream.
I stopped trying to make my hair deal with only shampooing every other day, using Wen or other Conditioner only solutions, or trying to prevent red dye from washing out. I feel 100% better washing my hair every day so I do so. (I don't shampoo below the ears though).
posted by getawaysticks at 6:52 AM on May 2, 2011
I stopped trying to make my hair deal with only shampooing every other day, using Wen or other Conditioner only solutions, or trying to prevent red dye from washing out. I feel 100% better washing my hair every day so I do so. (I don't shampoo below the ears though).
posted by getawaysticks at 6:52 AM on May 2, 2011
Prematurely white and frizzy hair. Dyed it blond, found a good conditioner, got it cut, and felt twenty years younger.
posted by Ahab at 7:01 AM on May 2, 2011
posted by Ahab at 7:01 AM on May 2, 2011
I have really fine, limp hair - if I don't use product and blow-dry it, it feels super soft but looks awful. I'm not sure I've made peace with it, as it is, but I've at least finally found work-arounds that seem to help me. I discovered hot rollers and dry shampoo, which both add serious volume. Dry shampoo (which, conveniently for me, seems to be having a moment and is suddenly widely and cheaply available) means that I don't have to wash my hair every single day to keep it from looking visibly gross.
My hair is currently shoulder length, and I rarely have the time for hot rollers, so I wear it up a lot. The discovery of hair rats made it possible for me to do a lot of styles that I've always liked but didn't have enough volume for (bouffants, victory rolls, french twists). You can buy them online, but I actually made one out of shed hair so it perfectly matches and doesn't add any weight. I skipped the hair net step because it held together fine.
posted by you're a kitty! at 7:36 AM on May 2, 2011
My hair is currently shoulder length, and I rarely have the time for hot rollers, so I wear it up a lot. The discovery of hair rats made it possible for me to do a lot of styles that I've always liked but didn't have enough volume for (bouffants, victory rolls, french twists). You can buy them online, but I actually made one out of shed hair so it perfectly matches and doesn't add any weight. I skipped the hair net step because it held together fine.
posted by you're a kitty! at 7:36 AM on May 2, 2011
I started losing it. I don't really care, so I shaved it off. I pay for one haircut every three years (new clippers). It's awesome. One less thing.
posted by Capt.DooDooFace at 3:40 PM on May 2, 2011
posted by Capt.DooDooFace at 3:40 PM on May 2, 2011
I bought an expensive hair dryer and flat iron (both from T3) - the hair dryer is new, the flat iron I've had for at least seven or eight years and is still going strong (as opposed to the one I had before that, that lasted six months). Also, my last haircut was quite possibly my favorite - a new hairstylist who dried it first, then cut it. I don't know why more people don't do this - it makes perfect sense. Everything looks the way it's supposed to when it's dry instead of shrinking up and curling/waving in odd places after it's cut wet.
posted by echo0720 at 5:51 PM on May 2, 2011
posted by echo0720 at 5:51 PM on May 2, 2011
I have long, wavy hair and the best thing I've ever done for it is to stop washing it.
I've used shampoo on my hair once in the last three months and it's never looked better.
I took all the money I figure I was saving on not using shampoo or products and spent it on a really nice boar bristle brush, which distributes the natural oils down my hair so I stopped ending up with that weird greasy at the roots, dry and frizzy at the ends business.
At first, I thought not washing my hair would be gross, but it's totally not. I rinse it thoroughly with water when I'm in the shower and use my fingers to massage my scalp really thoroughly and that's more than enough.
posted by missjenny at 6:06 PM on May 2, 2011
I've used shampoo on my hair once in the last three months and it's never looked better.
I took all the money I figure I was saving on not using shampoo or products and spent it on a really nice boar bristle brush, which distributes the natural oils down my hair so I stopped ending up with that weird greasy at the roots, dry and frizzy at the ends business.
At first, I thought not washing my hair would be gross, but it's totally not. I rinse it thoroughly with water when I'm in the shower and use my fingers to massage my scalp really thoroughly and that's more than enough.
posted by missjenny at 6:06 PM on May 2, 2011
I started using products on my hair, it defines the curl and looks SO much better.
posted by insectosaurus at 6:01 PM on May 3, 2011
posted by insectosaurus at 6:01 PM on May 3, 2011
I grew it long, after years of getting short cuts, and it turns out I love having long hair. I started taking prenatal vitamins + an extra folate supplement when I was on methotrexate, and they made my hair grow like a weed, so I've just kept on taking them. I soak my hair in coconut oil, massaging it well into my scalp, once a week then shampoo it out and condition as normal. If I need to look polished I'll haphazardly roll it all in big hot rollers, allow to cool completely, then shake out, and I have perfect, soft, frizz-free waves. Good old fashioned L'oreal Excellence Creme colour applied to my regrowth with a tint brush every three weeks, and an allover semi (L'oreal Castings) every 2-3 months in the same colour. I'm naturally blonde but everyone thinks red is my real colour. Conditioner washing every other wash. SILICONES. I have fine, snappy whitegirl hair. I tried going 'silicone and sulphate free' and no matter what I did my hair would form big, matted snarls. Silicone can be your friend. I get rid of product buildup once a month or so by mixing baking soda into my shampoo and it works like a charm.
I really can't do the no-shampoo, no-washing, no-products thing. I like playing with my hair, and I like it to look nice and polished, and in order to do that I use silicones and heat. This doesn't make me an unenlightened cultural dupe. It's just hair, have fun with it.
posted by nerdfish at 6:18 AM on May 29, 2011
I really can't do the no-shampoo, no-washing, no-products thing. I like playing with my hair, and I like it to look nice and polished, and in order to do that I use silicones and heat. This doesn't make me an unenlightened cultural dupe. It's just hair, have fun with it.
posted by nerdfish at 6:18 AM on May 29, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by yfatah at 3:40 PM on May 1, 2011 [1 favorite]