What should I do for my boyfriends 30th?
March 3, 2011 3:50 PM Subscribe
What should I do for my boyfriends 30th?
We've been together 9 years. his mom's having a family dinner for him & he says he doesn't really want to do anything else. he's not really phased about it, he's going through a bit of a down phase. i wanted to do something to cheer him up a bit.
We live on the Gold Coast, Australia by the way...
We've been together 9 years. his mom's having a family dinner for him & he says he doesn't really want to do anything else. he's not really phased about it, he's going through a bit of a down phase. i wanted to do something to cheer him up a bit.
We live on the Gold Coast, Australia by the way...
If I told my SO that I didn't want to do anything else for my birthday, I would mean it, and be annoyed if he did anything else (I've been there, and it's really hard to be outwardly mad about this, because the other person thinks they're being really nice, but actually they were ignoring what I explicitly said I wanted, and it felt really bad). I suppose in asking this question, you know him well enough to know that when he says he doesn't want to do anything else he doesn't actually mean it, but I wanted to check that you've really thought about whether that's the case.
posted by brainmouse at 3:58 PM on March 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by brainmouse at 3:58 PM on March 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: thanks brainmouse, i think you might be right. maybe its not a good idea to organize things with friends. I still would like to do something just the two of us, but taking him out to dinner sounds a bit boring. i'd like to do something more fun and unique than that if anyone has ideas? cheers
posted by Bacillus at 4:06 PM on March 3, 2011
posted by Bacillus at 4:06 PM on March 3, 2011
My birthday was yesterday and I too am in a down phase. I also told everyone that I didn't want to do much for my birthday and I am very thankful that nothing was forced on me.
So please don't throw a big surprise party. Perhaps put together something low-key just for the two of you?
posted by special-k at 4:08 PM on March 3, 2011
So please don't throw a big surprise party. Perhaps put together something low-key just for the two of you?
posted by special-k at 4:08 PM on March 3, 2011
he says he doesn't really want to do anything else
I felt like this on my 30th. Follow his lead, if just for the day.
posted by zeek321 at 4:10 PM on March 3, 2011
I felt like this on my 30th. Follow his lead, if just for the day.
posted by zeek321 at 4:10 PM on March 3, 2011
Definitely keep it to just the two of you and perhaps do it on a night near his birthday but not ON his birthday. Then it can just be a special night for the two of you, and it doesn't have to be about the big 3-0 if he doesn't want it to be. As for what to do - well, what does your boyfriend like? Is he into nice dinners out or would he be happier with an evening picnic or maybe just an amazing home-cooked meal and a movie? Anything can be special if you put effort into it.
posted by katillathehun at 4:13 PM on March 3, 2011
posted by katillathehun at 4:13 PM on March 3, 2011
While he may not want to do something for his birthday, you could do something to pick him up. I'd say a step above a meal - take him on an outing somewhere, to see a show or visit a place that's a bit beyond what you normally do together. Go visit a friend out of town, see some sights, break away from the norm.
At least, that's what I did with my SO.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:25 PM on March 3, 2011
At least, that's what I did with my SO.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:25 PM on March 3, 2011
I've got three words for you: Three Park Superpass.
posted by smithsmith at 4:38 PM on March 3, 2011
posted by smithsmith at 4:38 PM on March 3, 2011
I agree with Filthy light thief. you could just get him a cupcake and a smooch for his actual birthday and then the next weekend plan a low-stress date to something he really has always meant to see or do.
Simple, quiet and completely specific to his intrests seems to be the magic ticket.
Last year my boyfriend suffered a spree of deaths in his family, so when his bday came up he really just wanted to not make it a thing. We ordered his favorite take out and watched some Thin Man movies.
posted by Blisterlips at 4:44 PM on March 3, 2011
Simple, quiet and completely specific to his intrests seems to be the magic ticket.
Last year my boyfriend suffered a spree of deaths in his family, so when his bday came up he really just wanted to not make it a thing. We ordered his favorite take out and watched some Thin Man movies.
posted by Blisterlips at 4:44 PM on March 3, 2011
A friend of mine once made a present for her SO (think it was 21st) out of 21 large matchboxes, glued together to look like a cardboard chest of drawers and painted. Some contained token gifts, some contained nice photos, some contained "I will give you a backrub" style IOUs, a couple contained tickets to stuff in the future. I'd love it if someone gave me something like that.
posted by handee at 4:45 PM on March 3, 2011
posted by handee at 4:45 PM on March 3, 2011
A low-key thing that still shows how much you care is to sprinkle some little thoughtful gestures all through his day, like bringing him coffee in bed in the morning, shining his shoes, sending a nice email for him to read over lunch, doing some chore that would normally be his to do, and fixing something for dinner that he loves but you wouldn't usually have at home. (I'm making these up of course; whatever would be meaningful to him.)
posted by lakeroon at 4:50 PM on March 3, 2011
posted by lakeroon at 4:50 PM on March 3, 2011
What does HE like to do? If he were to plan a relatively low key evening just the two of you, with his wants and likes in mind, what would it be? What does he wish he could do more of, that for whatever reason, never really happens as often as he'd like? Make this happen for him, without him having to do anything - just show up. Even if it's just dinner somewhere that he loves, and then, I don't know, a concert/comedy club/ball game/car show/whatever. A low key evening that really isn't a big deal, just planned explicitly with him in mind.
posted by cgg at 4:53 PM on March 3, 2011
posted by cgg at 4:53 PM on March 3, 2011
I'd go with his favorite dinner (at home or out), followed by lots of sex. That's low key, just the two of you, and cheers most people up nicely.
posted by Margalo Epps at 4:54 PM on March 3, 2011
posted by Margalo Epps at 4:54 PM on March 3, 2011
My 40th birthday fell a couple of weeks after our wedding, and thank goodness The Fella believed me when I told him I was too darned exhausted to have a party. We were both a little overwhelmed with our wedding gifts, so he (correctly) intuited that I wouldn't want a big birthday present, either. But he still wanted to do something special.
And he did.
We had a quiet brunch at a neighborhood place, and The Fella presented me with 36 separately wrapped gifts, "to make up for the birthdays I missed before we met." They were mostly small treats that he knew I'd like, or silly joke gifts that made me laugh, or thoughtful things that he knew I'd use.
The gifts themselves weren't a big deal, but I'll always remember that he thought of a low-pressure, low-key way to make my 40th birthday special.
For another, more elaborate idea in this vein, you might check out Not Martha's birthday treasure hunt, which her husband arranged to celebrate her birthday while he was out of town. That kind of thoughtfulness can make a wonderful impression!
posted by Elsa at 5:26 PM on March 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
And he did.
We had a quiet brunch at a neighborhood place, and The Fella presented me with 36 separately wrapped gifts, "to make up for the birthdays I missed before we met." They were mostly small treats that he knew I'd like, or silly joke gifts that made me laugh, or thoughtful things that he knew I'd use.
The gifts themselves weren't a big deal, but I'll always remember that he thought of a low-pressure, low-key way to make my 40th birthday special.
For another, more elaborate idea in this vein, you might check out Not Martha's birthday treasure hunt, which her husband arranged to celebrate her birthday while he was out of town. That kind of thoughtfulness can make a wonderful impression!
posted by Elsa at 5:26 PM on March 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
Perhaps put together something low-key just for the two of you?
This is what I was going to suggest.
We ordered his favorite take out and watched some Thin Man movies.
And this was (more or less) how I was going to elaborate on that suggestion. He picks dinner (either take-out or make-in); he picks the movie. Just curl up on the couch in your sweatpants and enjoy being lazy together.
sprinkle some little thoughtful gestures all through his day
This is also a good idea. He might not want a party or an "occasion", but no one's going to turn down a backrub or a cupcake.
Speaking of cakes: you could always make (or buy) him one. It's not a "thing" that he needs to be "on" for—but it does show that you care. (Note that birthday cakes don't have to be cakes, exactly—they can be anything sweet and a little indulgent that the birthday person likes.)
Also, perhaps this is obvious, but: that thing he really likes in bed? Do that.
posted by ixohoxi at 7:38 PM on March 3, 2011
This is what I was going to suggest.
We ordered his favorite take out and watched some Thin Man movies.
And this was (more or less) how I was going to elaborate on that suggestion. He picks dinner (either take-out or make-in); he picks the movie. Just curl up on the couch in your sweatpants and enjoy being lazy together.
sprinkle some little thoughtful gestures all through his day
This is also a good idea. He might not want a party or an "occasion", but no one's going to turn down a backrub or a cupcake.
Speaking of cakes: you could always make (or buy) him one. It's not a "thing" that he needs to be "on" for—but it does show that you care. (Note that birthday cakes don't have to be cakes, exactly—they can be anything sweet and a little indulgent that the birthday person likes.)
Also, perhaps this is obvious, but: that thing he really likes in bed? Do that.
posted by ixohoxi at 7:38 PM on March 3, 2011
How about going away someplace interesting/fun/out-of-the-ordinary for the weekend?
posted by hapax_legomenon at 8:02 AM on March 4, 2011
posted by hapax_legomenon at 8:02 AM on March 4, 2011
When I turned 30 a few years ago, I didn't want to make a big deal about it because I already felt kind of weird about turning 30. I'm already prone to getting a bit down around my birthday, whether it's a "milestone"-type birthday or not. I told my friends and family not to make a big deal of it and they didn't. My girlfriend at the time was very understanding, though I could tell she was really kind of itching to do some sort of grand gesture type of thing. Instead, she respected my wishes, came with me to my favorite tattoo artist, I got a tattoo, and she took me out for drinks after. It was perfect.
posted by brand-gnu at 8:47 AM on March 4, 2011
posted by brand-gnu at 8:47 AM on March 4, 2011
nthing Margalo Epps.
Even when I'm feeling down, 3 things are always welcome: steak, massage, and oral sex.
posted by screamingnotlaughing at 5:21 PM on March 4, 2011
Even when I'm feeling down, 3 things are always welcome: steak, massage, and oral sex.
posted by screamingnotlaughing at 5:21 PM on March 4, 2011
Don't do anything big on the birthday weekend - get some good takeaway from your favorite restaurant, give a pile of DVDs for him to choose from - maybe there's a TV series you've wanted to start watching perhaps?
And then, a couple of weekends later, take him away, just the two of you. I planned something similar for my boyfriend last year, but a bit more complicated. I booked a whitewater rafting trip for him, myself and his closest friend on the Nymboida River near Coffs Harbour. We camped for one night, and then the friend went home and the boyfriend and I stayed in the most amazing B&B outside of Coffs, with an outdoor spa, the best breakfast in the world and the most adorable on-site three-legged dog.
Of course, these suggestions only work if your boyfriend is into outdoorsy stuff (which mine is), but the suggestion of the B&B (even in the GC hinterland) would work.
Memail me if you want details/suggestions on the company I went through for the rafting, or on where we stayed. If it wasn't a 5 hour drive from Brisbane I'd stay there every few months.
posted by chronic sublime at 12:24 AM on March 5, 2011
And then, a couple of weekends later, take him away, just the two of you. I planned something similar for my boyfriend last year, but a bit more complicated. I booked a whitewater rafting trip for him, myself and his closest friend on the Nymboida River near Coffs Harbour. We camped for one night, and then the friend went home and the boyfriend and I stayed in the most amazing B&B outside of Coffs, with an outdoor spa, the best breakfast in the world and the most adorable on-site three-legged dog.
Of course, these suggestions only work if your boyfriend is into outdoorsy stuff (which mine is), but the suggestion of the B&B (even in the GC hinterland) would work.
Memail me if you want details/suggestions on the company I went through for the rafting, or on where we stayed. If it wasn't a 5 hour drive from Brisbane I'd stay there every few months.
posted by chronic sublime at 12:24 AM on March 5, 2011
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posted by anniecat at 3:57 PM on March 3, 2011 [1 favorite]