In desperate need of dastardly deeds.
February 25, 2011 2:25 AM   Subscribe

Please me think of villainous crimes that villainous villains might do!

I'm trying to think of two kinds of villainous schemes - the OTT, supervillain-type one ("building a giant magnet to crash the moon into the earth"), and the more low-key, grubbier sort of criminal scheme that Batman might crack before having his breakfast ("running a smuggling ring", "stealing artifacts from museums", "operating a network of poachers").

Does a hive have any ideas?
posted by piato to Grab Bag (28 answers total) 18 users marked this as a favorite
 
Ransom! Whether it's holding a chick against her will and demanding sacks of cash, or holding her against her will and demanding that city officials do X, Y, and Z.
posted by lizzicide at 2:31 AM on February 25, 2011


OTT Supervillainy:

Building a device to cause a super solar flare, to bake the day side of earth.

Altering the spin of the Earth's core using deep drilling and stolen nuclear warheads.

Building a giant magnet and repelling the moon AWAY from the Earth.

Building nanites that steal all of the world's gold by converting it into more nanites that all report back to the villain.

Building a giant laser of some sort to cook the ISS/Shuttle/Other orbiting things.

Earthquake machine.


More down to earth crimes:

Human trafficking ring.

Large scale money laundering.

Stealing containers of freight from container ships either at port or at sea.

Large identity theft ring targeting little old ladies.

Scam ring of purchasing from electronics stores, and returning "brick in box" for cash refunds. Or a ring of employees doing this.

Car theft ring and chop shop for parts and scrap metal.

Thieves smash a van into a gun shop, and steal guns and ammo.
posted by strixus at 2:44 AM on February 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


Oh! One more - running a bear bile farm (disturbing images).
posted by strixus at 2:45 AM on February 25, 2011


Spreading a nanovirus that renders the human race sterile.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 2:54 AM on February 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


This was heavily used by Joker in the last Batman movie, but: Forcing the hero to choose between two people he loves. Or choose between his love and the greater good. Forcing the hero, in some way, to be complicit in the crime. Mind games are the most dastardly deeds of all.
posted by distorte at 2:54 AM on February 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


Forcing the hero to choose between two people he loves. Or choose between his love and the greater good. Forcing the hero, in some way, to be complicit in the crime.

Forcing the heroes to choose between helping to cut the state's budget and stripping the collective bargaining rights from unions? I don't know for what purpose you need dastardly deeds but there's considerable potential for overlap with current events, if your audience would appreciate it.
posted by XMLicious at 2:59 AM on February 25, 2011 [2 favorites]




puppy compactor.
granny catapult.
posted by sexyrobot at 3:24 AM on February 25, 2011 [5 favorites]


Making targeted bioweapons that only work on people with particular genetics.
Using slaves to mine diamonds, or build pyramids, or to build ridiculously opulent skyscrapers
Farming humans to create replacement organs for sale
Genetically modifying humans to produce funky designer hallucinogenic drugs, linking up the resulting humans in a farm and harvesting the results for sale.
Breeding humans to be unusually attractive and unusually stupid and selling them into prostitution.
Operating "false flag" military operations in which civilians are killed unpleasantly in order to have some desired effect on world politics.
Creating an iPad virus that spreads silently until it encounters particular political figures, then hypnotises them and causes them to pass ridiculous legislation.
posted by emilyw at 3:24 AM on February 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


flying a helicopter with a canadair sort of tank that releases shit, just for fun.
posted by uauage at 3:37 AM on February 25, 2011


Forced human milking farms.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 4:16 AM on February 25, 2011


Replacing all the toothpaste in the world with glue while kidnapping all the dentists.
posted by therubettes at 4:20 AM on February 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


Mass hypnosis via television.
posted by mippy at 4:27 AM on February 25, 2011


Inventing a community weblog that reduces worker productivity by two-thirds, thus causing an economic collapse.
posted by Rangeboy at 5:01 AM on February 25, 2011 [9 favorites]


A homeopathic supervillain would put nothing in the town water supply.
posted by mhoye at 5:27 AM on February 25, 2011 [11 favorites]


Mining the diamond core of Jupiter to send the diamond market prices into upheaval.
posted by King Bee at 5:49 AM on February 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


Baby farm.
posted by Etaoin Shrdlu at 5:50 AM on February 25, 2011


bonsai kittens
posted by telstar at 6:08 AM on February 25, 2011


Organ trafficking, or raising little kids until they are big enough to harvest their organs. See the bad-ass Korean thriller action movie "The Man from Nowhere" (Ajeossi)
posted by vincele at 7:30 AM on February 25, 2011


How about melting the Golden Gate and/or Brooklyn Bridges?
posted by elder18 at 7:42 AM on February 25, 2011


Awesome suggestions here! Thank you very much all - please keep them coming!
posted by piato at 7:46 AM on February 25, 2011


Uh, Freeze Ray, anyone?
posted by mhz at 7:57 AM on February 25, 2011


Has anyone mentioned traveling back in time and changing history? Maybe preventing the dinosaurs from dying out or killing off early humans?

Over-the-top supervillains also like to try to de-power their over-the-top superhero nemeses. eg. Kryptonite, de-mutant-izing medicine, etc.

How about enslaving all of the world's [animal species here] and making them fight back against their human masters? HOUSECATS UNITE!

Replacing a world leader with a clone/evil twin/alien in a human suit, then controlling the world through them.

Shrink ray. There's always something evil you can do with that.

Are you looking for evil plans that were actually used in movies/TV shows?

It's not very grand in scale, but one of my favorite convoluted evil plans comes from Yzma from Disney's The Emperor's New Groove: I'll turn him into a flea. A harmless little flea. And then I'll put that flea in a box. And then I'll put that box into another box, and then I'll MAIL THAT BOX TO MYSELF. And when it arrives... I'll SMASH it with a HAMMER!.

In an episode of Invader Zim, Tak planned to hollow out the Earth's core, and then fill it with snacks as a present for her leaders.

Less OTT plots:
  • Drug trafficking
  • Blackmail of public officials
  • Contraband smuggling
  • Kidnapping
  • Bank robbery (always a comic-book favorite)
  • Credit card fraud
  • Related to the above - stealing very small amounts of money from millions of people electronically, assuming they won't notice.
  • Blowing up something important

posted by Vorteks at 8:02 AM on February 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


Set fire to the sun.
posted by Brocktoon at 8:19 AM on February 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


the OTT, supervillain-type one ... and the more low-key, grubbier sort of criminal scheme

Why not combine the two? What starts as seemingly simple is actually a wide-ranging enterprise with bigger implications.

For example, the classic movie Chinatown starts out as an investigation of adultery, and eventually leads to a conspiracy about water rights for the city of Los Angeles.

A more recent example is Quantum of Solace, a James Bond picture. Investigations of murder and money-laundering turn into an overthrow of Bolivia, which itself is cover for the seizure of the nation's water supply.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 8:55 AM on February 25, 2011


orphan smuggling
posted by T.D. Strange at 10:47 AM on February 25, 2011


Steal enough gold so you can pour a life-size solid gold statue of yourself.

Thus proving you are greatest and strongest to the world, of course.
posted by mazola at 11:20 AM on February 25, 2011


A canonical list (applied to terrorists but supervillains could do them too) can be found here; ranges from serious to humorous.
posted by TedW at 7:39 AM on April 11, 2011


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