Love will tear us apart
February 5, 2011 3:09 PM   Subscribe

Valentine's Day gifts for people who hate Valentine's Day.

I am in a fairly casual relationship with a guy who might be described as somewhat of a cynic. I'm looking for cute, clever, or just plain anti-love gifts to show my affection (or not, as it were). I've looking through the past questions and have a couple of ideas, but I'm hoping you guys can come up with something great (and preferably fairly cheap). Thanks!
posted by ghost dance beat to Human Relations (22 answers total) 17 users marked this as a favorite
Despair, Inc. Bittersweets candy valentine hearts.
posted by flex at 3:18 PM on February 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

Instead of anti-love, you could try some over-the-top goofy/cheesy love. Get a package of those cheap little paper Valentines that kids use for school exchanges, along with some of those chalky-tasting "conversation hearts" and any other assorted lovey-dovey accoutrements, and give them to him in a gaudily-decorated shoebox (use tissue paper, doilies, stickers, glitter, etc., and lots of white paste).
posted by amyms at 3:20 PM on February 5, 2011

a cute cake or cookies, and instead of standard V-day sentiments, write "cynical" words in pink icing.
posted by fingersandtoes at 3:26 PM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

tickets to see blue valentine.
posted by anya32 at 3:45 PM on February 5, 2011

Back in the 70's, I received a card with a badly drawn picture on the front that read, "You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny".

I gave her a condolence card with the "I'm sorry for your loss" crossed out and a vague Valentine's greeting scribbled in crayon.
posted by stubby phillips at 3:47 PM on February 5, 2011 [12 favorites]

Check the sidebar here and maybe give a bird or some honey?
posted by b33j at 3:56 PM on February 5, 2011

I know a couple who exchange the exact same teddy bear, again and again, for occasions like Valentine's day. Whoever has the bear at the time gives it to their partner as a gift. The game is in playful, creative ways to present the bear!
posted by grizzled at 4:04 PM on February 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

I can't imagine not getting a good laugh out of him with this cute little bear.
posted by cashman at 4:15 PM on February 5, 2011 [4 favorites]

One year I got my hubby a crappy homemade card made out of red construction paper. On the inside of the card were taped as many condoms as I could fit in there. He enjoyed it.
posted by Lobster Garden at 4:20 PM on February 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

My roommate in college once got her boyfriend a real cow heart in a gift box. It took some searching as we didn't have a great selection of butchers in our town, so plan ahead if you go that route.
posted by purpletangerine at 4:25 PM on February 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

I love these valentines.
posted by notcreative at 4:30 PM on February 5, 2011 [3 favorites]

How about an anatomical crochet heart?

Also, setting aside cynicism and casual natures, everyone likes to feel special and heard. From this point forward, make a little mental tape recorder of his smaller needs and insignificant desires.

Is there a small item of his you could fix, or have fixed?

Does he need any safety accessories for his bike?

How does he get to work, and can you buy a few extra tokens for the subway?

Might he like coffee in a particular way? Add a side of bacon if he eats it. Hell, make a breakfast next time he's hungover!

Does he have an interest you can support charitably? If you don't have the funds, perhaps you could volunteer in his name.

Fulfill those things, methodically. True effort, earnest efforts. All humans appreciate these things.
posted by cior at 5:49 PM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Also -- there are few things my little negative heart loves more than a new cocktail. Perhaps you could purchase the supplies and tools, learn to make it, and then remake it for him over and over on your special night.
posted by cior at 5:52 PM on February 5, 2011

I can't believe nobody's mentioned these valentine's day cards by FPCoA via projects!
posted by yaymukund at 6:22 PM on February 5, 2011 [1 favorite]

Valentine's hater here.

Luckily, the mister feels loved enough all year long to stave off disappointment at missing the holiday. (Actually, I think he loves that I hate it.)

Our gift to each other is the freedom from exchanging gifts every year! We sometimes split a nice bottle of wine, if we're feeling especially festive.

Boo, Hallmark holiday.
posted by nadise at 6:43 PM on February 5, 2011 [2 favorites]

Black White Filigree with "Everyone Else is Taken" from shupg

"I Still Know Which Records Are Mine" and "You had me at health insurance" paper cut out black love heart from owlyshadowpuppets
[Maybe you could ice these onto a cake, as suggested by fingersandtoes]
posted by honey-barbara at 2:16 AM on February 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

No, hang on - this one is my favourite: "Your crazy emotional needs give my life a purpose"
posted by honey-barbara at 2:18 AM on February 6, 2011

Only funny if he understands the back-story, but most internet-heads do...
posted by randomkeystrike at 5:30 AM on February 6, 2011

Really liking the condoms idea. If that's a bit too strong, then some NON Valentine's candy.
posted by chrisinseoul at 6:57 AM on February 6, 2011

Give him Mono.
posted by rabbitbookworm at 12:12 PM on February 6, 2011

Response by poster: Thank you everyone! The wheels have been turning since I asked this question, and you guys have definitely helped. I hope you all have a happy Valentine's Day!
posted by ghost dance beat at 5:58 PM on February 6, 2011

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