Music Ever in My Ear
January 2, 2011 9:37 PM Subscribe
What is it like, what does it do to you to have music ever around you?
I don't mean radio, tv, movies, internet, I mean, for lack of a better term, real music. As in people playing instruments, voice included. Do you think it has a meaningful impact on the young ones around? Loaded question--I do.
One of my children plays the piano upwards of nine hours a day. There are three pianos of varying sizes and qualities in my small house. Whatever he is playing I am hearing unless I am somewhere else.
I played too, as a child, poorly, for too many years. What I am wondering is what impact this situation might have on my youngest. He is twelve and so far not an instrumentalist, although he sings.
I just wonder, what does it do to/for/with him when his big brother plays Chopin, Randy Newman, John Lennon, the Amelie soundtrack, fuck I cannot begin to catalogue it and he only began two years ago.
It's not easy living with a prodigy. Please tell me, what is it like to hear music all day?
One of my children plays the piano upwards of nine hours a day. There are three pianos of varying sizes and qualities in my small house. Whatever he is playing I am hearing unless I am somewhere else.
I played too, as a child, poorly, for too many years. What I am wondering is what impact this situation might have on my youngest. He is twelve and so far not an instrumentalist, although he sings.
I just wonder, what does it do to/for/with him when his big brother plays Chopin, Randy Newman, John Lennon, the Amelie soundtrack, fuck I cannot begin to catalogue it and he only began two years ago.
It's not easy living with a prodigy. Please tell me, what is it like to hear music all day?
Best answer: You seem to be asking two questions here--if music has a meaningful impact, and what it's like to hear music all day. I can't answer the first, but will attempt the latter.
I grew up in a household like this. My brother is a very gifted but very persistent guitarist who plays everything from classical to death metal; my father is an adequate guitarist and drummer. They'd play together, they'd play separately, they'd have friends over to play... It wasn't uncommon for there to be music being produced from midday until ten or eleven at night, sometimes later. If it was a school day, it'd start as soon as my brother returned home and continue, again, until ten or eleven at night.
My sister was able to largely tune this out. As long as they weren't in the same room as her, she could sleep through it, watch television through it, have conversations through it. It was like it wasn't even happening for her. Sometimes late at night she'd get annoyed by it, but for the most part, it was a nonissue. Not so for me. I couldn't ignore it. If they started while I was asleep, it would wake me. I couldn't listen to music, because I couldn't tune out what was being played in the basement or the other room. It was--and still is--difficult for me to hold a conversation if music, especially live music, was being played nearby. His playing was invasive and disruptive, and I took to staying up until the wee hours of the morning because it was the only time I could have any quiet.
Worth mentioning, maybe, is that I love music, as does my sister. We both sang, and both played an instrument, though not nearly with the talent or dedication that my brother played his, and very rarely did either of us play at home. (How could we?)
I'm thirty, and still resent my brother and parents for this. I felt--and feel--that his desire to play music constantly was more important than my desire to be allowed to listen to my own music, or to rest quietly, or to have friends over to watch a movie. Your younger child might be like me. Or he might be like my sister and be totally unbothered--she says that she recalls really enjoying the noise, even as a kid.
The only real way to know how this is affecting your son is to ask him. Ask him if he feels overwhelmed by the noise, or if he feels like his ability to do as he chooses is restricted by his brother's constant piano playing. If he says yes, or if he seems evasive or unable to answer the question, you might want to consider purchasing a high-end keyboard with headphones or limiting the hours that your older son is allowed to play at home. I know you want to encourage his talent, but sometimes limits need to be placed so that everyone in the home can be respected.
posted by MeghanC at 10:28 PM on January 2, 2011 [3 favorites]
I grew up in a household like this. My brother is a very gifted but very persistent guitarist who plays everything from classical to death metal; my father is an adequate guitarist and drummer. They'd play together, they'd play separately, they'd have friends over to play... It wasn't uncommon for there to be music being produced from midday until ten or eleven at night, sometimes later. If it was a school day, it'd start as soon as my brother returned home and continue, again, until ten or eleven at night.
My sister was able to largely tune this out. As long as they weren't in the same room as her, she could sleep through it, watch television through it, have conversations through it. It was like it wasn't even happening for her. Sometimes late at night she'd get annoyed by it, but for the most part, it was a nonissue. Not so for me. I couldn't ignore it. If they started while I was asleep, it would wake me. I couldn't listen to music, because I couldn't tune out what was being played in the basement or the other room. It was--and still is--difficult for me to hold a conversation if music, especially live music, was being played nearby. His playing was invasive and disruptive, and I took to staying up until the wee hours of the morning because it was the only time I could have any quiet.
Worth mentioning, maybe, is that I love music, as does my sister. We both sang, and both played an instrument, though not nearly with the talent or dedication that my brother played his, and very rarely did either of us play at home. (How could we?)
I'm thirty, and still resent my brother and parents for this. I felt--and feel--that his desire to play music constantly was more important than my desire to be allowed to listen to my own music, or to rest quietly, or to have friends over to watch a movie. Your younger child might be like me. Or he might be like my sister and be totally unbothered--she says that she recalls really enjoying the noise, even as a kid.
The only real way to know how this is affecting your son is to ask him. Ask him if he feels overwhelmed by the noise, or if he feels like his ability to do as he chooses is restricted by his brother's constant piano playing. If he says yes, or if he seems evasive or unable to answer the question, you might want to consider purchasing a high-end keyboard with headphones or limiting the hours that your older son is allowed to play at home. I know you want to encourage his talent, but sometimes limits need to be placed so that everyone in the home can be respected.
posted by MeghanC at 10:28 PM on January 2, 2011 [3 favorites]
Well, you could think about soundproofing a practice room, if he's going to be playing like this for awhile. You might get annoyed with it after awhile (your question sounds like you are already a bit annoyed by the constant stream of music).
You don't even have to actually soundproof the room -- just put blankets on the walls to drown out the noise a bit. If it gets more serious as time goes on, you can think about investing in either real soundproofing, or in an off-site practice room for him. If there's a college nearby with a conservatory, they might be willing to let him use one of the piano rooms there.
(I grew up near Eastman School of Music, so there were plenty of offsite practice rooms for me to use when I was driving my parents crazy pounding away on the piano for 5, 6 hours a day when I was practicing for big competitions. We had to pay a fee for this, but it was worth it to everyone involved.)
posted by k8lin at 10:32 PM on January 2, 2011
You don't even have to actually soundproof the room -- just put blankets on the walls to drown out the noise a bit. If it gets more serious as time goes on, you can think about investing in either real soundproofing, or in an off-site practice room for him. If there's a college nearby with a conservatory, they might be willing to let him use one of the piano rooms there.
(I grew up near Eastman School of Music, so there were plenty of offsite practice rooms for me to use when I was driving my parents crazy pounding away on the piano for 5, 6 hours a day when I was practicing for big competitions. We had to pay a fee for this, but it was worth it to everyone involved.)
posted by k8lin at 10:32 PM on January 2, 2011
In my experience, a surprising number of keyboard players have tin ears; comes, I think, from playing instruments where intonation is generally completely beyond their control. But it is literally painful for those about them who early on develop good relative pitch, or are born with perfect pitch, to hear them happily plunking around, even on their decently tuned, well-tempered instruments, because there is nearly always some kind of dissonance coming out of a keyboard.
Both my mother and brother were/are ardent amateur musicians, with complete tin ears. They loved/love to sing, often together, and neither could carry a tune in a bucket. Worse, the organ my mother loved to play was an electrified turn of the century reed organ, that was terribly out of tune, and my brother's guitar was never properly tuned, after the day he bought it.
It was god awful growing up around those two, and except for my father's jazz record collection and some mercifully isolating headphones, I wouldn't be the sane, compassionate music lover I've become.
posted by paulsc at 11:52 PM on January 2, 2011
Both my mother and brother were/are ardent amateur musicians, with complete tin ears. They loved/love to sing, often together, and neither could carry a tune in a bucket. Worse, the organ my mother loved to play was an electrified turn of the century reed organ, that was terribly out of tune, and my brother's guitar was never properly tuned, after the day he bought it.
It was god awful growing up around those two, and except for my father's jazz record collection and some mercifully isolating headphones, I wouldn't be the sane, compassionate music lover I've become.
posted by paulsc at 11:52 PM on January 2, 2011
I know that this isn't quite answering the question, but you could always just get your son an electric piano and some headphones for those 'quiet' days.
posted by 200burritos at 12:04 AM on January 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by 200burritos at 12:04 AM on January 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
I think there are two things to consider and you only seem to be considering one (at least in the wording of your question).
You seem to be worried about your younger child living in the shadow of a prodigy who is constantly playing high-level music even though he's relatively new to the piano. This constant display of ability may affect your younger. This is a very simple problem to solve - be aware of how much attention you are giving both of them. The fact that you are proclaiming one of your children a prodigy does not bode well - this is not to say he is not one but you are setting up the idea of, "I have one son who's a prodigy and the other must feel awful living in his shadow!" - even if your younger son DIDN'T feel awful before he will eventually if you are projecting this attitude. And no, you don't need to SAY it (I expect you have not said this to your sons). The attitude is in how you act. Do you spend an equal amount of time and money on both children? Are the pianos for "family use" or are some of the three just for your prodigy? Does your prodigy get private piano lessons? If so is there something your younger son wants to take lessons in? If you are spreading everything evenly (going to the same amount of piano recitals for one son as soccer games for the other, for example) then the "prodigy" aspect shouldn't be a big deal. Your actions and attitude will affect your son much more than his sibling's, in terms of the level of ability.
HOWEVER - as MeghanC - that constant playing could be severely detrimental to your youngest. If your "prodigy" is playing for 9 hours a day that's, what? Just about every waking moment at home (and not at school)? That is a constant barrage of noise and even if it is theoretically pleasant the issue of choice comes into play. You should not subject your son to having to listen to that every waking minute. A few hours a day, okay, but more than is simply unreasonable to subject a person to if they cannot extract themselves from the situation. If you insist on having your "prodigy" practice every waking moment at home (which could be his choice as well) you should look into sound-proofing a room or possibly getting a keyboard that allows headphones to be plugged in.
posted by Lt. Bunny Wigglesworth at 12:15 AM on January 3, 2011 [2 favorites]
You seem to be worried about your younger child living in the shadow of a prodigy who is constantly playing high-level music even though he's relatively new to the piano. This constant display of ability may affect your younger. This is a very simple problem to solve - be aware of how much attention you are giving both of them. The fact that you are proclaiming one of your children a prodigy does not bode well - this is not to say he is not one but you are setting up the idea of, "I have one son who's a prodigy and the other must feel awful living in his shadow!" - even if your younger son DIDN'T feel awful before he will eventually if you are projecting this attitude. And no, you don't need to SAY it (I expect you have not said this to your sons). The attitude is in how you act. Do you spend an equal amount of time and money on both children? Are the pianos for "family use" or are some of the three just for your prodigy? Does your prodigy get private piano lessons? If so is there something your younger son wants to take lessons in? If you are spreading everything evenly (going to the same amount of piano recitals for one son as soccer games for the other, for example) then the "prodigy" aspect shouldn't be a big deal. Your actions and attitude will affect your son much more than his sibling's, in terms of the level of ability.
HOWEVER - as MeghanC - that constant playing could be severely detrimental to your youngest. If your "prodigy" is playing for 9 hours a day that's, what? Just about every waking moment at home (and not at school)? That is a constant barrage of noise and even if it is theoretically pleasant the issue of choice comes into play. You should not subject your son to having to listen to that every waking minute. A few hours a day, okay, but more than is simply unreasonable to subject a person to if they cannot extract themselves from the situation. If you insist on having your "prodigy" practice every waking moment at home (which could be his choice as well) you should look into sound-proofing a room or possibly getting a keyboard that allows headphones to be plugged in.
posted by Lt. Bunny Wigglesworth at 12:15 AM on January 3, 2011 [2 favorites]
This is kind-of a side note, but I dated a piano musical prodigy -- he came in third at the Young Tchaikovsky competition in piano -- and nine hours a day is a LOT, even for a prodigy. Is he fitting in schoolwork and friends? Does he have any other hobbies?
If your youngest is 12 and your prodigy only began two years ago, your prodigy couldn't have begun until he was at least 11 (probably later, there's probably more than a single year between them). This is LATE for a prodigy. (This is fairly late for a top musician generally, but especially on the highly-competitive instruments like piano and violin.) Where does he/you hope this is going? What does his teacher think? If he's pursuing piano to the exclusion of all else, you need to talk with some high-quality teachers and musicians to get a realistic assessment of his skills and options. If he's NOT pursuing it to the exclusion of all else, he needs to fit in schoolwork, extracurriculars, friends, etc.
And nine hours a day can be, like, repetitive stress injury territory, ESPECIALLY for teenagers whose bodies are still growing. Does his teacher approve of such extended practice time over such a long period?
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 4:29 AM on January 3, 2011 [5 favorites]
If your youngest is 12 and your prodigy only began two years ago, your prodigy couldn't have begun until he was at least 11 (probably later, there's probably more than a single year between them). This is LATE for a prodigy. (This is fairly late for a top musician generally, but especially on the highly-competitive instruments like piano and violin.) Where does he/you hope this is going? What does his teacher think? If he's pursuing piano to the exclusion of all else, you need to talk with some high-quality teachers and musicians to get a realistic assessment of his skills and options. If he's NOT pursuing it to the exclusion of all else, he needs to fit in schoolwork, extracurriculars, friends, etc.
And nine hours a day can be, like, repetitive stress injury territory, ESPECIALLY for teenagers whose bodies are still growing. Does his teacher approve of such extended practice time over such a long period?
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 4:29 AM on January 3, 2011 [5 favorites]
I know from my own family's experience that, living in a smallish space, it was annoying for them to have to listen to me practice more than an hour a day. I was not allowed to practice more than two (so I'd go somewhere else for another hour or so), and my brother still grew up with a hatred of classical music/piano in general. Not like a "pretends to hate it, but secretly likes it," but actual hate. After growing up listening to me practice, he refused to even think about learning an instrument of his own. In our house, the piano easily blocked out the sound of the living room tv, or any other music that someone happened to want to listen to, since it was such a small place. If I was raising me in current times, I'd go the electric piano with headphones direction.
Nine hours a day is too much, though. Most professionals don't practice that much, due to the risks of developing or worsening tendonitis. It doesn't sound like he's playing super hard stuff, but I can't imagine *nine hours* of easy to moderate stuff is great, done on a daily basis. Seconding Eyebrows McGee on the probability that he is not, at this age, a prodigy and that an objective evaluation should be done if he thinks he wants to pursue piano as a career. But, prodigy or not, I don't know of a single music teacher who would find nine hour practices acceptable for a teenager. If yours does, I'd be very suspicious as to their motives and qualifications, because that's just dangerous. I honestly can't see anyone recommending more than 4 hours a day, and that's with proper training.
posted by wending my way at 6:59 AM on January 3, 2011
Nine hours a day is too much, though. Most professionals don't practice that much, due to the risks of developing or worsening tendonitis. It doesn't sound like he's playing super hard stuff, but I can't imagine *nine hours* of easy to moderate stuff is great, done on a daily basis. Seconding Eyebrows McGee on the probability that he is not, at this age, a prodigy and that an objective evaluation should be done if he thinks he wants to pursue piano as a career. But, prodigy or not, I don't know of a single music teacher who would find nine hour practices acceptable for a teenager. If yours does, I'd be very suspicious as to their motives and qualifications, because that's just dangerous. I honestly can't see anyone recommending more than 4 hours a day, and that's with proper training.
posted by wending my way at 6:59 AM on January 3, 2011
Best answer: What does it do? I'll tell you what it does. It makes you think you might want to become a musician, and then you eventually find out you can't actually cut the mustard, and you spend the rest of your life as a disappointment, dejected and distressed.
Or you might go on to lead a perfectly normal life. It depends.
posted by Busoni at 8:50 AM on January 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
Or you might go on to lead a perfectly normal life. It depends.
posted by Busoni at 8:50 AM on January 3, 2011 [1 favorite]
Seconding the "your son is almost certainly practicing too much" concern. Please talk about this with his teacher(s) and set reasonable limits. Kids who practice too much can really injure themselves.
And seconding the "if at all possible, get your son an electric piano with headphones" so that he isn't always dominating the airspace of your house. It's great that you are encouraging him to do what he loves, but the rest of the family doesn't have to sacrifice all of their opportunities to watch TV or listen to pop music or just enjoy silence. Set some boundaries so the rest of you can have some control over the airspace.
As for the other thing, yes, it's challenging to be the younger sibling of a prodigy. The Brother and I have talked about this a lot. Here are some things he wishes my parents had done for him: Encourage your younger kid(s) in the things they do and enjoy and are good at. Make time for their special things, even if their special things are objectively less "special"--don't always be missing the soccer game because Wunderkind has a big concerto competition or whatever, but try to divide your time more equally regardless of the external importance of the occasion. And, of course, don't compare the kids to each other.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:39 AM on January 3, 2011
And seconding the "if at all possible, get your son an electric piano with headphones" so that he isn't always dominating the airspace of your house. It's great that you are encouraging him to do what he loves, but the rest of the family doesn't have to sacrifice all of their opportunities to watch TV or listen to pop music or just enjoy silence. Set some boundaries so the rest of you can have some control over the airspace.
As for the other thing, yes, it's challenging to be the younger sibling of a prodigy. The Brother and I have talked about this a lot. Here are some things he wishes my parents had done for him: Encourage your younger kid(s) in the things they do and enjoy and are good at. Make time for their special things, even if their special things are objectively less "special"--don't always be missing the soccer game because Wunderkind has a big concerto competition or whatever, but try to divide your time more equally regardless of the external importance of the occasion. And, of course, don't compare the kids to each other.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:39 AM on January 3, 2011
Response by poster: I'll try again: I exaggerate (sp?) probably it's closer to six than nine hours. And said child is eighteen. Yes he did manage to complete ten years of piano curriculum in two and a half. All I did was teach him and a visiting six-year-old "Heart and Soul" and the major C scale, after that it was his teacher, but I digress. My real question, poorly framed was, "What does hearing music do to you? Real live people playing it right around you." I have had questions deleted in the past for verging over the chatfilter line, and actually I thought this one might go the same way.
Thank you to all who answered. In particular, Busconi, yes I think it does make one want to go out (or stay in) and pick up an instrument.
Further clarification: next youngest child is twelve and unperturbed by the constant music in his midst. He is also, well, whatever, a tech nerdy straight-A person, with two more older siblings each with his and her remarkableness (out of the house now) so the piano situation might even seem normal to him.
I was really only asking out of my own personal curiosity.
And no, I am not trying to make my family out as some weird parallel Royal Tennebaum situation. We all know truth is stranger than fiction. Now I will continue to enjoy "You've Got a Friend in Me," wishing Randy Newman was here to hear my son play his song.
posted by emhutchinson at 6:40 PM on January 3, 2011
Thank you to all who answered. In particular, Busconi, yes I think it does make one want to go out (or stay in) and pick up an instrument.
Further clarification: next youngest child is twelve and unperturbed by the constant music in his midst. He is also, well, whatever, a tech nerdy straight-A person, with two more older siblings each with his and her remarkableness (out of the house now) so the piano situation might even seem normal to him.
I was really only asking out of my own personal curiosity.
And no, I am not trying to make my family out as some weird parallel Royal Tennebaum situation. We all know truth is stranger than fiction. Now I will continue to enjoy "You've Got a Friend in Me," wishing Randy Newman was here to hear my son play his song.
posted by emhutchinson at 6:40 PM on January 3, 2011
Best answer: If you're still reading this, I should point out I was trying to convey some dry humor in responding, which might not have come across on the screen. But I was just thinking of a lot of musicians I knew, and I imagine a lot of them started out listening to a lot of music in their childhood. I'm not sure one leads to the other, necessarily. Myself, I was always listening to music in the house, but it was CDs, and it was I was training as a musician. On the other hand, musical families often produce musical children, but then again this might be more due to the parents and not necessarily siblings. So I think it depends, is still my answer.
Concerning your youngest, I'd do as someone else said and ask him how he feels about it.
Concerning all of your children, the road to professional music isn't something I'd wish lightly on anyone (I try to be like the rabbi who turns down potential converts three times before doing anything). But what will be will be, I guess.
Six hours isn't necessarily a lot. Especially on piano, and especially if he's "doodling" and not practicing one Chopin Etude over six hours.
If your oldest son is eighteen, that is older than when most prodigies start, but most prodigies burn out. So good for him. If he doesn't go into music, he won't feel like he wasted his childhood.
An electronic piano is only useful if he's not exclusively a classical pianist. Which it doesn't sound like he is. Which is probably for the best.
Hope this helps.
posted by Busoni at 3:47 PM on January 4, 2011
Concerning your youngest, I'd do as someone else said and ask him how he feels about it.
Concerning all of your children, the road to professional music isn't something I'd wish lightly on anyone (I try to be like the rabbi who turns down potential converts three times before doing anything). But what will be will be, I guess.
Six hours isn't necessarily a lot. Especially on piano, and especially if he's "doodling" and not practicing one Chopin Etude over six hours.
If your oldest son is eighteen, that is older than when most prodigies start, but most prodigies burn out. So good for him. If he doesn't go into music, he won't feel like he wasted his childhood.
An electronic piano is only useful if he's not exclusively a classical pianist. Which it doesn't sound like he is. Which is probably for the best.
Hope this helps.
posted by Busoni at 3:47 PM on January 4, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
I was around people playing instruments for most of my teenage years, and what it did for me was mostly annoy me. Especially the tuba, when my brother was practicing. That thing made the whole damn house rumble. And my little brother's saxophone was not so pleasant either, because he was young and still learning how to play, and made the occasional squawk. But when I was playing the drums I'm sure I annoyed them right back. My poor parents. Though my mom played acoustic guitar and sang, and that's a much more soothing pleasant sound, and perhaps constant exposure to that from an early age had something to do with everyone's interest in music later in life. But these things are impossible to know. For everyone, our environment seems normal no matter how unusual it may actually be. It will be a quirk of your son's personality that his formative memories will include a piano soundtrack, and that the sound of a piano will remind him of home. Maybe nothing more than this.
posted by PercussivePaul at 10:23 PM on January 2, 2011