i guess i'll have to change my attitude…
October 31, 2010 8:25 PM   Subscribe

were you someone who never wanted to get married, or believed they'd never get married and then one day met someone and knew instantly (or shortly thereafter) that you wanted to marry them? was it difficult to shift your paradigm?

it's not that i am a cynical person, per se, but i have never been one of those people who believed that they could know instantly or soon after meeting someone that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with and/or marry them. it's also not that i believe that this kind of thing can't happen successfully; i know it does—i just never believed it could happen to me.

i always believed that people who fall in love and/or marry that quickly had less emotional baggage when it comes to relationships, whereas someone like me, who grew up with a lot emotional and physical abuse and all the attending issues would be too distrustful of anything that…fantastical, for lack of a better word. while i do believe in marriage, i just didn't ever think it would happen for me—or, at the very least, if i did meet someone, it would take me a long time to come around to the idea that i could marry him and spend my life with him because it would take me that long to build that kind of trust in him.

and then, of course, i met my current boyfriend. or rather, i should say, re-met. he and i went to junior high school and high school together, altho it wasn't until freshman year of high school that we met in math class. we spent the next three years sitting together in math class, and he spent endless hours tutoring me (he was always a nice, great guy in high school, and that's something that hasn't changed about him). we also apparently (tho neither one of us can really remember it), went to at least one school dance together. i developed an unrequited crush on him junior year, didn't have classes with him senior year, went away to college and didn't think about him again…until my mid-20s when i was living/working in new york and was informed by a high school friend that he was getting married. that night after my friend told me the news, i had a dream wherein i unsuccessfully tried to stop his marriage, à la "the graduate," running to the church and pounding on the floor-to-ceiling glass walls, shouting "you're marrying the wrong woman!!" then i promptly forgot about him again…until this summer when we reconnected at our 20th high school reunion. as it happens, he did marry the wrong woman (she ended up cheating on him). now, three months later, we are talking marriage. which: blows. my. mind.

while he is a wonderful man and we are very compatible on a lot of levels and share the same basic values, he's definitely not the "type" of guy i had ever imagined seeing myself with in terms of his career, his tastes, religion and beliefs, or even his looks, etc. he's a romantic while i am very pragmatic and, especially after i told him about the dream i had when he was getting married, believes we were fated to be together. even my mother, who is not romantic at all but does believe in fate, after hearing about the dream, believes he and i are meant to be together. and while i do not believe in fate, i do feel that i know he and i spending our lives together is an eventuality…and yet, to me, this all happened crazy fast, too fast to be believed even. and this is such a 180° turn from my former experience and beliefs, that at times, it makes me start to question the sincerity of his feelings for me (such as when he tells me he's never felt this way/sure about anyone, even his ex-wife) and makes me doubt my own trust in my judgment, like, how can this possibly be real and true? i generally have been able to nip these doubts in the bud before they can begin to spiral but i am wondering if i will always have them.

i know this is somewhat beanplating and yes, i am enjoying it as it comes but it just makes me wonder about other people's experiences. have you ever experienced something like this or similar? how were you able to reconcile your beliefs and your experience?
posted by violetk to Human Relations (40 answers total) 18 users marked this as a favorite
Yes, sometimes you do win the lottery and the prize is better than money.
posted by nomadicink at 8:36 PM on October 31, 2010 [20 favorites]

What's the rush? You're enjoying being with him as it is... let that happen. You have misgivings about getting married right now, but... who cares? You don't really have to. Maybe you won't have them at some point. Then you can ask him.
posted by phrontist at 8:38 PM on October 31, 2010 [1 favorite]

My (now) husband told me 3 months in that we were soulmates, which made me roll my eyes.

I generally think the idea of "fate" is not great for relationships because they take so much work. Our being soulmates didn't make this partnership work, instead it was lots of every day little decisions and sacrifices (and fun time together, and sex).

I also think it's good to keep doubt about things, you don't have to be 100% trusting or 100% disbelieving, it's good to have doubts and then they can be resolved over time.

3 months is a short time to think whether or not you're compatible, even if both of you are great people, you know?

I do have the persistent mistrust from childhood abuse. I don't try to change my attitude, instead I acknowledge the fears I have, acknowledge that they're irrational but that they came from a place of self-protection and strength. Then I make choices from a more conscious place than that.

(Sorry if this is disjointed).
posted by the young rope-rider at 8:44 PM on October 31, 2010 [1 favorite]

It doesn't sound like this is a rushed love-at-first-sight "met someone and knew instantly" situation. It sounds like this is something that has been percolating between the two of you for quite a while.

The only thing I would say is that, if you have reservations about how quickly this is all happening, you should take it slow and wait it out until you feel a little more comfortable with things. Just because you know you want to be together doesn't mean you have to go out and get married right this second.
posted by Sara C. at 8:47 PM on October 31, 2010 [1 favorite]

I first met my now wife in 1989, when we were going to school together. We were buddies, hung out, and had a little bit of a fling a few years later. She moved away and we both moved on. I had a ten year relationship that ended up not working out. I didn't think I believed in marriage, either.
Fast forward to 2007. I track her down, we get back in touch, and it seems way more comfortable than I thought it would. After a pretty dramatic break w/ my previous girlfriend, we make plans to get hitched in 2008. We'll be having our 2nd anniversary soon.
Bear in mind now; being married is a lot different than having a boyfriend or girlfriend, or even than living with someone. I can't explain how it's different exactly, since I can't qualify it myself, but you'll know it when you get there.
Why did I decide this was this was the one to marry versus the other girls I've been in relationships with? I honestly have no idea.
One last piece of advice I got from a pal just before I popped the question: do you plan on them to change? If no, then proceed, and best of luck to you.
posted by Gilbert at 8:52 PM on October 31, 2010 [1 favorite]

I knew after one date that I was going to marry my husband. Ditto him. Only crazy people behave this way. So I made him wait a year before proposing and then we were engaged a year before getting married, so I felt like I had plenty of time to figure out if he was an axe murderer.

It was like we moved really fast emotionally, but we slowed that down by keeping the official milestones moving more slowly so that our rational brains had a chance to catch up and, you know, check for axe murderers.

We've been together 10 years, married 8, and now it's just a cute story that makes people go "awwwww." But if we'd gone around telling people we knew after one date we were getting married, people would have been staging interventions, you know? And I would have agreed with them. :)

But, you know, I know some older people who basically got married the week they met -- circumstances of WWII -- who've been happily married and in love for 50, 60 years. It was nice to have the luxury to slow down (especially as we had no prior history like you two do), but, hey, crazy can work!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:53 PM on October 31, 2010 [7 favorites]

I had always envisioned myself being a single mother by choice. My husband and I started dating at the end of May, I told my mom in August that I knew I was going to marry him, and in December of the following year, I did. (We skipped the engagement and eloped.) We'll be married for nine years coming up.
posted by Ruki at 9:03 PM on October 31, 2010

Wonderful story, take it slow and easy, savor every moment, and be sure sure to spend time alone and with your own friends.

My cousin met a woman 23 years ago, they both knew right away, but they didn't rush. They're my ideal couple, happily married for 22 years, two great kids. They both have other close friendships, and some separate interests, as well as mutual frineds and interests, an awesome balance.
posted by mareli at 9:10 PM on October 31, 2010

We knew very quickly, but we didn't get engaged for nearly a year and it was another 8 months after that that we got married.

You feel how you feel, it's not right or wrong. But feelings are not a mandate; you don't have to act on them immediately...or ever. And I think there's a risk of convincing yourself that this is just so weird, so out there, that it must mean more than it does. So don't focus on just how gosh-golly cuh-RA-zy this idea is (since it's not, it happens all the time and sometimes it even pans out) - focus on the feelings, and live with them a while.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:10 PM on October 31, 2010 [1 favorite]

Yes, I was someone who never wanted to get married, or believed I'd never get married and then one day met someone and knew instantly (or shortly thereafter) that I wanted to marry them.

Twice, in fact.

And both times, after enough time and exposure, I realized I'd been projecting unrealistic expectations on them, but they were just standard-issue slightly screwed-up people with stuff I liked about them and stuff I didn't like about them. Which sounds like a "duh" as I recount it here, but when you're loopy in love, unrealistic expectations aren't challenged much by common sense.

I remained in relationships with each for as long as was desirable for each of us, and that was that.

My suggestion is take it for a ride and enjoy the whole way, and try to constrain your big picture long view expectations and projections. In fact, that's always the best way with just about everything. Life seldom adheres to our personal scripts (and in trying to make it do so, we miss out on lots of great serendipity).
posted by Quisp Lover at 9:30 PM on October 31, 2010 [8 favorites]


I always believed that marriage was entirely insignificant and a ridiculous social convention with way too much religious and legal baggage. Why can't you just have a meaningful lifelong commitment without involving the state?

Then I fell in love with someone to whom being married was important and all of my firmly held beliefs on the matter seemed suddenly trite and indulgent.

We got engaged after being together for less than a year and had a less than six month engagement. It was wonderful.
posted by 256 at 10:09 PM on October 31, 2010 [1 favorite]

Nope. It was easy as pie and happened without me even really noticing it. And I'm glad. (I was about 34 or 35 at the time. 38 now).
posted by Joseph Gurl at 11:15 PM on October 31, 2010

I actually sort of did the tropey XKCD comic route. Mr. F expected not to marry. It seems like it's working.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 11:22 PM on October 31, 2010

Yeah, I never wanted to get married, and then married my first boyfriend at a really young age, and we had our 11th wedding anniversary a couple days ago.

I'm not saying it was easy. I had big problems with marriage itself, but immigration issues made it necessary in order to continue the relationship. We separated for a while, because I was still ooky about how the marriage had happened, and the pressures I felt were exerted on it, and the regret about not pursuing other relationships when I'd had the chance. But in the end, I kind of discovered that all the time we've spent together, and the experiences we've been through together, have bonded us kind of irrevocably. It's a "marriage" now in the sense of two lives being fully joined, not just in the legal sense. We are each other's family now, and no matter how much we might get annoyed or want the other person to go toss, there is no way that bond is going to be severed.
posted by Ouisch at 12:17 AM on November 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

I didn't think it was possible to fall in love with someone, much less have someone fall in love with me. I was pretty damn damaged goods, emotionally, physically and mentally. I didn't think I'd ever have a successful adult friendship, much less a relationship.

And then I met this guy. We kissed about 3 months after that. 5 days after that, he said we'd fallen in love, and well, ridiculous as it was, we had. Five. Days.

A year and a half after that, we were married; ages 19 and 20 (no way his parents would have given consent for him to get married before he was 18, and we wanted to wait for a while to make sure it wasn't crazy rebound hormones or something).

Ninth wedding anniversary coming up next month, and we're still as cute and lovesick for each other as newlyweds, if not more so.

So it can happen, and it's crazyawesome. But definitely crazy.
posted by ysabet at 1:35 AM on November 1, 2010

I was never the little girl who dreamed about her wedding. I knew from a very young age that I didn't want to be married, but it turns out I just didn't want my parents' marriage.

I knew the first time I saw my husband that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. I just knew. Laid eyes on him, fell hard, and that was that. I went home that day and broke up with my then-boyfriend (of three years). Mr. Cooker and I didn't start dating until about a month after that, didn't start exclusivity until about three months later, and started living together at the two-year mark. I asked him to marry me, and I quote: "Are we going to get married someday? Yes? Can we set a date?" and then six months later we were married.

We've been together 20 years this March, married 16 years come Nov. 26. It's incredible and I'm still unbelievably happy that we found each other.

So, yeah. It can happen the way you describe. Still, Mr. Cooker and I started a friendship first. If I learned nothing from watching my parents be miserable and from my own failed relationships, it was to go a little slow and make sure the crazy-in-love feelings had a good, solid foundation.
posted by cooker girl at 7:34 AM on November 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

I got married quickly. I met a guy in the fall and by the next spring we were engaged. It was beautiful but also sort of nuts.

The advice I would like to give, is that even though it was awesome, I wish we'd waited a bit. If you get married when you're still both in the wooing stage, your relationship will seem like it's been adversely affected by marriage if it turns out that you both have different needs once the love dust settles.
posted by smirkyfodder at 7:37 AM on November 1, 2010 [2 favorites]

My situation is similar only in that I've been with my new boyfriend for two months (and we were "together" pretty much from day 2 or 3) and he's already there. Said he knew he could love me on day 2 or 3...he told me this when he actually said the words a month in. I was a little slower to catch up, but I did, and now....now he's two months in and we're talking big commitments, moving in and marriage and all that sort of stuff.

And I'm thinking, this is completely and totally crazycakes. But I think, after both of the horrible relationships we've had in the past, and parental relationship dysfunction that we've both witnessed, etc...I think all of that baggage means that we know a little better this time around. If that makes any sense. Even though I'm scared as hell, and he's comfortable, we're both pretty much on the same page.

So I'm not sure how helpful that is, but I just wanted to say that I'm kind of there with you, and I'll be following this thread with interest. There's already been a lot of good advice, I think.

And for what it's worth--my father, after 12 years of marriage ending in divorce and about two years of being a single dad to me and my brother who were quite young, began dating my stepmom in an April, were engaged by July and married by November. They'll celebrate 18 years together in a week, and while they're not disgustingly cutesy and lovebirdy (nor am I sure they ever were), they just *work* so well together. My stepmother had had long relationships beforehand but she said that she knew she'd never marry any of them, and that when you meet the right person, you just know.
posted by adrianna aria at 8:06 AM on November 1, 2010

Like cooker girl, I never really wanted to get married. At my cousin's wedding, someone asked "Don't you wish it was you getting married?" and I said "Hell no!". Even worse, I was perfectly happy being single and I loved my life the way it was. And then I met my now-husband and I just knew right away we'd get married, in fact, without a word of a lie, I went home the night we met with "The Boy I'm Gonna Marry" earworming through my head.

It did take some working-through my previously-held beliefs about marriage, and it took a good friend of mine saying "just commit to it 100% for the next six months" for me to truly get over myself and really enjoy being married, but when it's the right person, it just works. I never thought I'd be the sort of person who actively enjoys being married, but I am!

I also worried about things going to fast, like you, and what worked best for me was having some space and time to take it slowly and think things through (we were a LDR for a while, so that helped enormously). Keeping a journal helped me think things through for myself. I also think you need to be honest with each other about where you're at and what you're working through, and keep a sense of humor about things! I think what really helped in my relationship was that we were both older, experienced people when we met, and were both very opposed to game playing, so we were very upfront about our needs and wants.
posted by biscotti at 8:42 AM on November 1, 2010

were you someone who never wanted to get married, or believed they'd never get married and then one day met someone and knew instantly (or shortly thereafter) that you wanted to marry them?

Yep. No intention of marrying or even having a serious relationship at the time -- I was in the middle of founding a company; I was too busy to be falling in love. Proposed marriage two weeks after I met her. Been together 15 years or so now.

I didn't have the sort of emotional baggage you describe, and wasn't inherently distrustful of the idea of marriage; it just wasn't on my radar at all. If you'd asked me the day before I met my future wife whether I wanted to get married, well first I'd have been rather confused about why a complete stranger was proposing marriage but after we sorted that out the best answer I would've had would be "why would I want to do that?"

was it difficult to shift your paradigm?

By definition, no. It shifted me. I didn't spend much effort second-guessing it after the fact though; I probably could've wrecked it if I tried hard enough.

The punches, roll with them.
posted by ook at 9:03 AM on November 1, 2010 [3 favorites]

One thing worth keeping in mind is that it is kind just up to the two of you to tell this story. If you guys want to be in love and have a happy marriage, "fate" doesn't have to dictate anything. I understand that you can never know for sure what you'll want in the future, but on the other hand, if you're both ready to settle down, you have a history with each other, you know each other's families, and you really want this... it's more like right place, right time than anything, I would say. You knew each other before but it didn't click. Now you're in the right mode to do the same thing.

So yeah, don't forget your pragmatism, make sure you agree on things like where you'll live, how many kids you want, who cleans the bathroom, etc, but starting to talk marriage with someone who's in the same mindset and a known(ish) commodity isn't crazy.

Good luck!
posted by mdn at 9:58 AM on November 1, 2010

I never planned on getting married, never planned on having a long-term monogamous relationship of any kind.

Proposed to my now-husband six weeks after meeting him; his response was "Why did you wait so long? I knew three weeks ago!"

Eleven-year honeymoon in process, with no signs of ending. It can happen!
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:07 AM on November 1, 2010 [3 favorites]

Sidhedevil might have written my story there, except we're in our fourteenth year of marriage now.

I just knew, and so did he, that we were it.

Good luck!
posted by Dragonness at 11:17 AM on November 1, 2010

how were you able to reconcile your beliefs and your experience?

When I realized that the value of the loss was far far greater than the cost of blasting through the walls
posted by The Lady is a designer at 11:42 AM on November 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

hi everyone, thank you for all your lovely answers/words of encouragement; i really appreciate you taking the time out to share your stories—keep them coming! i do know 100% that i will be with him and there are times when if he asked me right then, in the conversation we were having at the moment, i'd say yes. other times, he might be going on about how certain he is of me or how he just envisions us old and gray together that i start wondering if i can really do it—but i know that it is just my old issues trying to prevent me from moving forward. we are long-distance at the moment, which both helps to slow things down and helps me have the amount of space i like to have (in many ways, i really do like being single and having my own time to myself) but at the same time also makes it that much harder sometimes to believe that yes, this is real.

like adrianna aria's bf, mine knew pretty early on: after his first visit a few weeks after we reconnected at the reunion, but was hesitant to tell me about his feelings because he felt i was too much of a free spirit to try to tie down. we are also opposites in that he grew up extremely close with his family, his parents have a very stable relationship as does his older brother, and he doesn't have any emotional baggage beyond his ex-wife's infidelity. i know that my issues and my general single-girl tendencies do sometimes affect our relationship as i try to reconcile the idea of "us," (sometimes even saying things to try to test his resolve to be with me) and he's always wonderfully patient and understanding throughout all of it, always absolutely certain when sometimes i can't see beyond my own relationship prejudices.
posted by violetk at 1:05 PM on November 1, 2010

I love this thread. I want to be this thread. That is all.
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:42 PM on November 1, 2010 [4 favorites]

(sometimes even saying things to try to test his resolve to be with me)

Woooo, watch out for that. Sounds like you've got a good thing going here, try not to mess it up by playing games!
posted by ook at 1:47 PM on November 1, 2010

Sounds like you've got a good thing going here, try not to mess it up by playing games!

yes, every other week, one friend or other is reminding me that i'd "better not fuck this up!" ;)
posted by violetk at 1:51 PM on November 1, 2010

I forgot to add the thing which was what I meant to post before I got distracted by your followup.

Which was: don't mistake the "we fell in love quickly" thing for "this is going to be effortless." There will still be ups and downs and incompatibilities to work around and compromises to be made; there are still going to be times when you look at the guy and can't remember why you ever liked him in the first place. I'd just hate for you to decide this means the fairytale is true, build up unrealistic expectations, and then bail out when it turns out not to be a fairy tale after all.

yes, every other week, one friend or other is reminding me that i'd "better not fuck this up!" ;)

That's a good sign :)
posted by ook at 1:57 PM on November 1, 2010 [2 favorites]

I just want to point out that there is a difference between "knowing you want to spend the rest of your life with them" and "knowing you want to marry them." So you realized that it's possible for you to want to spend the rest of your life with one person-great! That's wonderful for you. So go ahead and spend the rest of your life with them, starting now, one day at a time. Marriage doesn't really guarantee anything or allow you to do that- you do that by just living and not breaking up, you know? Keep in mind that marriage does not have to legitimize romance, and in fact is more to legitimize practical things like finances, inheritances, children, etc. JMO. Nthing everyone's advice to take it slow.
posted by Nixy at 2:07 PM on November 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

violetk: this was very close to my own experience, well with the caveats that it wasn't so much that I Just Knew when mr. lfr started making advances, more that I used that as the signifier that my then 2-year LTR wasn't working out. I broke up with the ex the same day I figured it out.

The ensuing six to eight months were... bumpy, owing to a number of things. I wouldn't say I knew right away, but over time it truly has just gotten better every day. We kind of went from "frustrated semi-drunken hookup" to "fling" to "dating" to "serious" to "cohabitating" to "engaged" and it took eighteen months to get there. He was always the one to move the relationship forward, but that's just how we are different - I am very independent and he's a traditional romantic. I have a large shipping container load of baggage, fortunately neatly palletized and stowed, his would fit in a small shaving kit. He is the Marrying Kind, I was not. An 11-year age gap and the related issues didn't help much either... why yes, hello, Mrs Robinson (ack). Of all things, that was the single biggest thing for me to get past, that he could actually be attracted to me beyond just curiosity and a fun fling with an older gal. Bottom line, i would seriously caution you not to get ahead of yourself with Silly Crap That Does Not Matter (i.e. what ook said).

I'm 42, we've been together for 2 years come Thanksgiving, and our wedding's set for next June. I have been vehemently opposed to weddings since my teens, but somehow, this guy is different. People can change their minds, and it's okay to do that.

The way you frame your question seems to be asking permission to violate some holy Anti-Wedding Pact you've made. Now, I'll grant that some of my more outspokenly liberal friends have been borderline ass-y about my change of mind, like I'm betraying them or something, but they'll survive, and so will I. Life is messy, people change their minds about stuff, happens quite frequently. You don't need permission to change your views on stuff that's this important, especially when love is at stake.

I could go on, but your first response up there is truly your best answer.
posted by lonefrontranger at 4:36 PM on November 1, 2010

Ook is totally right in that "falling in love quickly" does not mean "it'll be easy to be in this relationship forever". Our marriage has been awesome, but not easy. It's a lot of work.

My husband never wanted to get married or have kids, but we knew we'd get engaged within 4 weeks of exclusively dating. I moved in 3 months after we started dating, and everyone pretty much thought we were insane. We got engaged 9 months in and then got married 15 months after that (two years to the day of our first real date). We now have an awesome son and will have another at Christmastime. We've been together nearly 6 years.
posted by kpht at 6:53 PM on November 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

Judging by the replies you selected as best, it seems clear that you were looking for people to bolster your desire to act on your impulses.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but just to shed some light on the impulses behind going online to seek corroboration, and the phenomenon known as "confirmation bias", check out this link:
posted by Quisp Lover at 7:34 PM on November 1, 2010

woops, here's the link

posted by Quisp Lover at 6:26 AM on November 2, 2010

quisp lover, i am well aware of confirmation bias. it's not really what i am going after here. i wasn't asking for some sort of approval of what i am doing or plan to do or experiencing—i'd do that regardless of what strangers on the internet said. i asked for ppl's experiences; they gave them to me, and i marked the stories i liked. so…i'm sort of not sure what your point is?
posted by violetk at 1:31 PM on November 2, 2010

"i'm sort of not sure what your point is?"

You clearly understand my point quite well. Perhaps it's my motivation you doubt. If so, I can assure you it's the same motivation that spurred me to take time to reply in the first place: to try to help out and offer an objective, experienced point of view. That's all.
posted by Quisp Lover at 4:02 PM on November 2, 2010

look, i don't mean to sound defensive, because i'm not at all. just puzzled as to why you insist this is about confirmation bias so again, i don't understand what point you are making here. confirmation bias is when people tend to notice and to look for what confirms one's beliefs. i didn't come here with preconceptions, hoping to get positive reinforcement for them because i already knew and believed that this happens to people (hitherto, i believed it happend other, tho not all other, people—but not me—until it did happen to me. i also know and believe that it doesn't happen to other people as well.) rather, my question was in fact, looking for experience that countered my hitherto experiences and beliefs. i came here asking for stories that people had, and how that affected their views on marriage. your "objective, experienced point of view" was what? to warn me against confirmation bias?…when this wasn't about looking or finding confirmation bias?
posted by violetk at 8:15 PM on November 2, 2010

blargh. i was distracted by a visitor and that was written so crappily, but the gist was there.
posted by violetk at 8:19 PM on November 2, 2010

Look, if you're aware of confirmation bias and what it involves (as you clearly are), and it's not pertinent to you and your situation, then what's the point in further discussion? If I was off on this, no biggie! My concern, which seems to have been wrong, was that while you'd come here feeling unsure how to proceed, you may really have (subconsciously?) been leaning one way and looking for confirmation, evidenced by the fact that all the replies you "favorited" seemed to say "just go ahead and do it".

I thought it might be helpful to point that out. Certainly wasn't trying to antagonize. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong! No biggie! I wish you great luck and happiness with all this! :)
posted by Quisp Lover at 6:41 AM on November 3, 2010

Yes, I guess I wasn't entirely clear on the question either--whether you were looking for advice about whether it was a good idea to be talking about marriage, or whether you only wanted experiences that confirmed that you were right to be trusting and go along with it.

It seems like you wanted and got the latter, which is cool, but if you also want the former I guess it might need some clarification.
posted by the young rope-rider at 7:07 AM on November 3, 2010

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