Examples of quality time please

September 25, 2010 11:45 AM

How do you, working mother of 2, spend quality time with the little ones?

On Monday I'm going back to school. I'm very excited.
I'm almost 30 and I have two boys, ages 3.5 and 1.5.
I will be in my university 4 days a week, all day.

Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays I get to stay at home.

I want to make the most of those days. I want to have quality time. But since I'm always with them, I really don't know what that means. For me now it's all quality time, perhaps a bit diluted...!
I need tips on activities or things to say and do with them, to help me with the anxiety of this separation and to leave them with the feeling that I'm there with them. I tend to get distracted with house work and chores and internet, so I'd like to have a plan for each Thursday. Making cookies is something we enjoy, but it only takes so much time... what else could we do?

posted by uauage to Human Relations (12 answers total)

From Ms. Vegetable: What about reading a story with them each week? Or just taking them to the library and letting them pick out a book?

Or have a simple art project each week - maybe painting, finger painting, coloring, WITH you. As in, you play, too.

Lego time. Puzzle time. Chalk on the sidewalk time.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 12:09 PM on September 25, 2010

I think you might be worrying a bit too much here. If they were ten years older I would suggest making time to go for a bike ride to a cheap cafe to get a muffin for breakfast or some such, but at that age it is exciting and desirable to simply work alongside Mummy, as you know via the cookie-baking racket. Really, I promise, they want to fold laundry with you, and talk about pee. It's all good.

However. Lots of parents enjoy little themed days/weeks. It's DINOSAUR WEEK! For which you hit a dollar store for dinosaur stencils/stickers/whatever, find a few good YouTube things about dinosaurs, take a trip to the library to find books about dinosaurs, and it culminates in a trip to the natural history museum. Certainly it would be easy to have spin-offs for when you are not there: because it is DINOSAUR WEEK Mum will send you off with a dinosaur temporary tattoo, and look, Mum has one herself! And almost anything can be a 'theme.'

Do take them on campus with you. My parents were not too far removed from university when I was born, and I have some nice early childhood memories of eating in campus cafeterias and wandering the massive halls and tunnels. They'll be happy about being able to connect "at school" with an actual place.
posted by kmennie at 12:12 PM on September 25, 2010 [2 favorites]

If they were ten years older I would suggest making time to go for a bike ride to a cheap cafe to get a muffin for breakfast or some such.

I've been doing Saturday coffee and croissant breakfast with my 3.5 year old for the last year and a hald. She loves it and we talk about all sorts off stuff; she does however sit in a child seat on the bike when we cycle there. Also, I am a dad.
posted by rhymer at 12:45 PM on September 25, 2010 [2 favorites]

I'm a full-time student with a six- and almost-four-year-old.

I find that leaving the house really helps -- otherwise, as you've said, it's very easy to get distracted with household stuff that needs doing. And my experience in going back to school is that household stuff will start to pile up very quickly.

So leave it behind! When they're little the outing doesn't need to be super-spectacular. Parks are easy and free, even going to the pet store (the poor man's zoo!) can be fun, or an "exotic" grocery store that you never ever go to. Try some guava nectar or those unusual imported cookies!

Also, a lot of our local indoor kids' places (the bouncy castle place, the childrens museum) have mid-week discounts during the the week that you can take advantage of.

Do you have some parent friends who can work out a regular playdate on Thursday with you guys? Staying in touch with your "mommy network" when adjusting to your new school routine could be a big source of support to both you and your children. Good luck!
posted by pantarei70 at 12:57 PM on September 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

Field Trip Day! Pick one of the days you're always home, and declare that every week, that day will be Field Trip Day. On that day, you do exactly what the name says: leave the house and go on an excursion to someplace new and fun. It could be something big and exciting like driving to the beach or an amusement park, or it could be a smaller trip to a park in your town you've never been to before or lunch at a restaurant that is new to all of you. The point is to get out and do something and have adventures so that when your kids are older, even if they don't remember the specific places they went, they remember that time with mom often meant doing something cool.
posted by decathecting at 2:01 PM on September 25, 2010

Forget "quality time". The key is time. Any time a parent spends with her kids, if she is not abusing them in some fashion, is what the kids need.
posted by megatherium at 3:20 PM on September 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

if your school has a nice campus, it might be fun to have a picnic there on thursdays, so they know where you are when you're not at home.
posted by thinkingwoman at 3:21 PM on September 25, 2010

Best answer: I'm a working mom of an almost 3 year old and a 15 month old. Finding activities appropriate for both of them is pretty hard, so I find myself catering to one or the other. If I have time with them during the day, I'll usually take them shopping, to the park, a playground or a mall play area (we have a great toddler one near us). When playing with them at home, I'll sit on the floor and they'll usually bring me toys or initiate play with me.

Educationally, I do puzzles, review letters and numbers, read books, sing songs, dance, cook, coloring, painting, scavenger hunts. You can get a LOT of ideas on the internet - Nick Jr's and PBS's sites have some great activities and print-outs.

I avoid the internet when I'm with the kids, unless they're completely in their own little worlds, but that is rare. Both the kids LOVE to help me clean, whether it's picking up, vacuuming, doing the dishes, laundry - they love being involved. If you need to do housework, try to involve them in any way possible.
posted by lynda at 3:25 PM on September 25, 2010

this website, Yuumii is run by friends of mine, you sign up, and they e-mail you weekly activities - it looks really fun
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 3:44 PM on September 25, 2010

I would suggest traditions, something others have suggested in more specific ways. Whatever you do, make it a weekly thing that the kids look forward to. Maybe Thursday is library day, Saturday is croissant and park day, Sunday is cuddle in bed with mommy day, you get my drift. It will mean alot, especially to the older child, to know what they can expect. Of course, don't fill the whole day with these traditions but have something, even a small thing, that is special for each day you are home. Oh, and get on the floor and play with them.
posted by eleslie at 4:03 PM on September 25, 2010

For starters, there's a great book called Unplugged Play that is full of fab fun ideas for activities for all ages, using stuff you have at home already. Should have called it A Million Fun Things to Do With an Old Newspaper really. :-) Can't recommend it enough. Seriously all parents should have a copy. There was even stuff to please my genius-autistic-hates-play-and-hates-toys kid in it.

My genius-autistic-hates-play-and-hates-toys kid likes playgrounds and indoor playgrounds, hands-on museums, obstacle courses, doing stuff against the clock (like puzzles or getting dressed), anti-coloring activities like designing a desert or machine.

But mostly, I think if you asked him to define quality time and he was able to give an anwer, he would say that he likes talking and being listened to the most. He talks a lot and sometimes it's a pain in the butt to be attentive, and sometimes we have to ask him politely to SHUT UP already before we go mad. Sometimes I interview or quiz him, or just listen, and record it, which he loves. It's part of our bedtime routine now. He's a happy kid, secure kid and I think this might be a contributing factor.

Do stuff together. But also just listen and be there. The rest is all a bonus. :-)
posted by pootler at 1:14 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

I "cook" with my son. By which I mean I get one of those readymixed, "add one egg" packets and we make muffins, cookies or brownies. All you really do is mix a bit. My tip is Blu-tack on the bottom of the bowl so that even vigorous stirring of a four-year-old won't cause a spill. He takes the hot oven very seriously and is in charge of using the iPhone's timer to tell when things are ready. Then we present them to his mum, and he gets praise, and, of course, something nice to eat.

But, you know what, don't over-think it. Quality Time is a meaningless term. Any kind of activity where they feel you're all theirs and you're not distracted is Quality Time. Lounging on the couch is enough.
posted by AmbroseChapel at 4:43 AM on September 26, 2010