Getting Through the Baby Blues
September 17, 2010 7:25 PM Subscribe
How did you get through post-partum depression?
I'm 6 months post-partum and just had another round of PPD. I'm on medication and in therapy, but I'm looking for other coping mechanisms that might come in handy in a pinch when I'm really feeling overwhelmed. What were your tricks?
I'm 6 months post-partum and just had another round of PPD. I'm on medication and in therapy, but I'm looking for other coping mechanisms that might come in handy in a pinch when I'm really feeling overwhelmed. What were your tricks?
My latent Catholic upbringing re-emerged and I would buy those glass Virgen de Guadalupe candles from the grocery store (at least from my Texas grocery store).
Lighting one and saying a Hail Mary when I absolutely thought I was about to run screaming into the night was a small ritual that helped.
posted by pantarei70 at 8:14 PM on September 17, 2010
Lighting one and saying a Hail Mary when I absolutely thought I was about to run screaming into the night was a small ritual that helped.
posted by pantarei70 at 8:14 PM on September 17, 2010
I have a 3 year old son and went through a very bleak 6 months of PPMD earlier this year following a miscarriage.
Sometimes the hardest thing to do, and one of the most helpful in my experience, was to get the heck out of the house. It didn't even matter if it was a walk around the block, but the change in scenery was really really helpful. I wasn't feeling very social, but I forced myself to keep a weekly walking date with a group of other moms and that helped me to eventually open up to them about what was going on. I think the most important thing is to set yourself up for social interactions. That way, other people will see you regularly, which really helped me feel like there were people out there who knew what I was going through (or at least saw it) and cared.
posted by raintea at 9:23 PM on September 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
Sometimes the hardest thing to do, and one of the most helpful in my experience, was to get the heck out of the house. It didn't even matter if it was a walk around the block, but the change in scenery was really really helpful. I wasn't feeling very social, but I forced myself to keep a weekly walking date with a group of other moms and that helped me to eventually open up to them about what was going on. I think the most important thing is to set yourself up for social interactions. That way, other people will see you regularly, which really helped me feel like there were people out there who knew what I was going through (or at least saw it) and cared.
posted by raintea at 9:23 PM on September 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
I am going to label myself as crazy hippie weirdo here, but if you still have your placenta in the freezer, you might consider placentophagy.
Here is a good resource and more information - this is not a self-link.
I have a pretty intense family history of depression (to the tune of cognitive dysfunction), so I was very worried about PPD. Because of this, I had my placenta encapsulated and took a two pills every night for the first six weeks post partum, then one per night until they ran out (though I saved some just in case of a later depression). I am a vegetarian, just for the record. To preempt any "ew, that is disgusting" comments, I will tell you that a placenta is exponentially cleaner than any form of animal meat product you can buy in the store. It never left my sight.
I realize this is not for everyone, but it worked for me. Ultimately, I don't care if it was placebo effect or if it actually regulated my hormones/moods: it doesn't matter because I did not experience PPD in any way.
If you have any questions about the encapsulation process or anything else, please feel free to memail me.
posted by LyndsayMW at 10:20 PM on September 17, 2010
Here is a good resource and more information - this is not a self-link.
I have a pretty intense family history of depression (to the tune of cognitive dysfunction), so I was very worried about PPD. Because of this, I had my placenta encapsulated and took a two pills every night for the first six weeks post partum, then one per night until they ran out (though I saved some just in case of a later depression). I am a vegetarian, just for the record. To preempt any "ew, that is disgusting" comments, I will tell you that a placenta is exponentially cleaner than any form of animal meat product you can buy in the store. It never left my sight.
I realize this is not for everyone, but it worked for me. Ultimately, I don't care if it was placebo effect or if it actually regulated my hormones/moods: it doesn't matter because I did not experience PPD in any way.
If you have any questions about the encapsulation process or anything else, please feel free to memail me.
posted by LyndsayMW at 10:20 PM on September 17, 2010
Best answer: Try to remember that right now, whatever you do to keep yourself well is benefiting not just you, but also your child. If you need to leave the kid with relatives while you go to the gym or lie in the sunshine or catch up with your friends, it's not selfish. If you need to hire a cleaner, or a nanny, or drop some of your usual responsibilities on relatives or friends, it's not selfish. Accept all the help that's offered to you, and if no-one's offering, ask.
You have carte blanche to make caring for yourself your top priority, because if you don't, you're going to find it hard to care for your child. In saying that I don't mean to invoke motherly guilt, but rather to remind you that precisely because you are a mother, looking after yourself is a selfless act. By getting well and staying well, you're giving your kid the gift of a healthy, happy mom.
Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others, you know?
posted by embrangled at 10:43 PM on September 17, 2010
You have carte blanche to make caring for yourself your top priority, because if you don't, you're going to find it hard to care for your child. In saying that I don't mean to invoke motherly guilt, but rather to remind you that precisely because you are a mother, looking after yourself is a selfless act. By getting well and staying well, you're giving your kid the gift of a healthy, happy mom.
Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others, you know?
posted by embrangled at 10:43 PM on September 17, 2010
Best answer: I can't stress enough the importance of getting into some kind of community in this situation. You'll feel alone and isolated, but there are so many moms going through similar things, but too ashamed to talk about how hard a time they're having. Mommy & Me type groups are full of people seeming happy and perfect, and that's not necessarily encouraging for someone who's having a rough time with PPD... find a way to connect with other moms somehow, even if it's just sitting next to someone on a bench at the park and smiling at her, saying hi. It could lead to really supportive relationships with women dealing with similar things.
posted by so_gracefully at 11:47 PM on September 17, 2010
posted by so_gracefully at 11:47 PM on September 17, 2010
Echoing the advice of others: Go out and *be with* people. Doesn't matter how or where. These people are also struggling and somehow passing for normal...or, if you want to be less philosophical about it, when you're around others you might still have terrible thoughts but the physical presence of others is an invisible brake on acting on them and gives you a reminder about acceptable behavior.
If you're really lucky, some older woman will lean over and say "You know, it WILL get better" before she walks away again.
Because it will. You will. Good luck and be well, Leezie.
posted by MonkeyToes at 5:24 AM on September 18, 2010
If you're really lucky, some older woman will lean over and say "You know, it WILL get better" before she walks away again.
Because it will. You will. Good luck and be well, Leezie.
posted by MonkeyToes at 5:24 AM on September 18, 2010
A friend went through this about a year ago. I had NO IDEA that she was suffering so badly. I wish she'd told me because I could have been a much better friend to her. Eventually she did open up to me and like you she was getting therapy and medication. But if only I'd known, I would have understood that when she seemed standoffish to me, she was really just hurting. I thought that for some reason I'd annoyed her or done something to offend her and I didn't call or come around much. Now I know that she was in a lot of pain and if I'd known, maybe I could have helped in some way. I would have called regularly, taken her older son for little outings, dropped off dinner or just stopped by for a quick hello and a hug.
If you have friends, tell them as much as you're comfortable with. Even if you don't want anything from them, they love you and they want to be there for you.
I also agree with the "getting out of the house" suggestion. Can you put the baby in her stroller, find a nice park or path, and take a walk listening to some of your favorite music .. or better yet take a friend with you. If you lived near me I'd gladly go. For at least that hour or so you'll feel better.
Sending hugs and warm wishes. Better days are ahead.
posted by Kangaroo at 5:28 AM on September 18, 2010
If you have friends, tell them as much as you're comfortable with. Even if you don't want anything from them, they love you and they want to be there for you.
I also agree with the "getting out of the house" suggestion. Can you put the baby in her stroller, find a nice park or path, and take a walk listening to some of your favorite music .. or better yet take a friend with you. If you lived near me I'd gladly go. For at least that hour or so you'll feel better.
Sending hugs and warm wishes. Better days are ahead.
posted by Kangaroo at 5:28 AM on September 18, 2010
Zoloft, on-line support groups, joining a playgroup, reminding myself that I'm the best mom my baby could have.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:18 AM on September 18, 2010
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:18 AM on September 18, 2010
Call on your friends and ask for their help and company. Why didn't I do this? I wish I had.
posted by communicator at 10:09 AM on September 18, 2010
posted by communicator at 10:09 AM on September 18, 2010
Best answer: The usual tedious stuff: eating quality, healthy food, avoiding sugar and salt, exercise, trying to get enough sleep (she spent about one night a week at Grandma's).
I'd say sleep and exercise were most important. Then Zoloft, then going back to work.
Everybody thought I'd be at my desk crying all day and I had to remind myself not to skip through the office surrounded by imaginary bluebirds.
Actually: acknowledging that while many mommies love infancy, I did not. I didn't find infancy all that pleasant. I hope to be the rare excellent mom of a teenage girl one day, my feeling being, most moms are probably great in one aspect, less great in another, so that's where I'm hoping to shine. At two she's a lot of fun though.
Don't beat yourself up if you don't love every moment, is what I'm trying to get at.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 1:59 PM on September 18, 2010
I'd say sleep and exercise were most important. Then Zoloft, then going back to work.
Everybody thought I'd be at my desk crying all day and I had to remind myself not to skip through the office surrounded by imaginary bluebirds.
Actually: acknowledging that while many mommies love infancy, I did not. I didn't find infancy all that pleasant. I hope to be the rare excellent mom of a teenage girl one day, my feeling being, most moms are probably great in one aspect, less great in another, so that's where I'm hoping to shine. At two she's a lot of fun though.
Don't beat yourself up if you don't love every moment, is what I'm trying to get at.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 1:59 PM on September 18, 2010
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It helped me to know that other moms go through the same stuff I went through (including the overwhelming feeling to just leave it all and never return). Not everyone will admit it, but yeah, other moms will feel that way too - even without the depression. Being a new mom is just hard. But that's what helped the most, knowing that those thoughts, those horrible, awful thoughts I had a three in the morning while walking the floor with a screaming child knowing I was going to have to get up and take care of other kids in a couple of hours and no one around to help 'cause Dad was out to sea? Those thoughts were just thoughts, and thoughts are involuntary - out of my control - other mothers got them, same as me... and as long as I didn't put them into action, I wasn't a terrible person for thinking them. That knowledge kept me sane(ish).
ymmv
posted by patheral at 7:43 PM on September 17, 2010