Avoiding mealtime awkwardness.
May 24, 2010 6:06 PM Subscribe
You're out to eat with another person, or a group of people. You're not hungry or are a light eater, so you've finished your meal before everyone else. During the natural pause when everyone takes a bite/chews, where do you look/what do you do to avoid the awkwardness of watching everyone else eat?
I'm trying to improve my social skills, and most people want to do something that involves food, so I run into this situation quite frequently.
I'm trying to improve my social skills, and most people want to do something that involves food, so I run into this situation quite frequently.
pace yourself during the meal...
posted by HuronBob at 6:12 PM on May 24, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by HuronBob at 6:12 PM on May 24, 2010 [3 favorites]
Yeah, I'd say work on pacing yourself. Even if you've only ordered a small dish, you can finish at approximately the same time. I occasionally check other people's progress to make sure I don't finish super early and have to spend the rest of the meal not really having anything to occupy my suddenly awkward appendages.
Sipping water is good, although you can get into trouble if you have too much :\
posted by Salvor Hardin at 6:20 PM on May 24, 2010
Sipping water is good, although you can get into trouble if you have too much :\
posted by Salvor Hardin at 6:20 PM on May 24, 2010
i'm always the last person eating because i talk so much that i end up not eating/eating slowly and other people who finish early seem to have no problem watching me or any other stragglers eat, nor do i care... it's probably just about attitude. if you don't feel like it's awkward, it won't be.
posted by raw sugar at 6:21 PM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by raw sugar at 6:21 PM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
Order a meal with many parts. For example, get something with french fries instead of a salad. That way you can space out your fries for the entire meal. Another option is to take smaller bites and use a knife to cut your food. Cut each bite before you eat it, setting down your knife every time. Set your fork down between bites, and take a sip of water, or touch your napkin to your lips.
Or you can suggest things that don't involve food -- such as getting together to play a board game or cards, or going to a bowling alley, or playing laser tag.
posted by shamash at 6:23 PM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
Or you can suggest things that don't involve food -- such as getting together to play a board game or cards, or going to a bowling alley, or playing laser tag.
posted by shamash at 6:23 PM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
Sorry, I meant that you should order fries or a salad instead of something like a baked potato.
posted by shamash at 6:24 PM on May 24, 2010
posted by shamash at 6:24 PM on May 24, 2010
I order another drink. Or two. I have yet to work out pacing myself on that front.
posted by Juliet Banana at 6:47 PM on May 24, 2010 [4 favorites]
posted by Juliet Banana at 6:47 PM on May 24, 2010 [4 favorites]
I tend to finish before others and am confused by what you mean. I tend to use my hands a lot anyway, so i'm usually playing drums with straws, have my head in my hands somehow, or am nibbling on a few last bits of dinner.
If all else fails, you can regale the group with tales of my sexual bravado and daring.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:50 PM on May 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
If all else fails, you can regale the group with tales of my sexual bravado and daring.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:50 PM on May 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
If you know you're going to finish before everyone else...eat slower. A colleague I sometimes eat lunch with will downright inhale his food. It's kind of amazing how fast he eats. So he'll finish before me and sit in silence; it's awkward and annoying. If there's sustained silence because people have food in their mouths, tell a story. Lead the conversation if possible. They'll finished their foods faster if they can chow down without having to stop to talk.
posted by zardoz at 6:52 PM on May 24, 2010
posted by zardoz at 6:52 PM on May 24, 2010
You could stick a french fry up your nose and then you wouldn't have to worry about feeling awkward about watching somebody else eat.
As an alternative, you could excuse yourself and go to the bathroom or pretend to have to take a call.
If all else fails, talk about Brandon Blatcher's sexual bravado and daring.
posted by Nemo Niemand at 7:16 PM on May 24, 2010 [3 favorites]
As an alternative, you could excuse yourself and go to the bathroom or pretend to have to take a call.
If all else fails, talk about Brandon Blatcher's sexual bravado and daring.
posted by Nemo Niemand at 7:16 PM on May 24, 2010 [3 favorites]
I'm a very light eater, and I've found that what works best for me is to pace my eating to match the pace of the people I'm dining with-just in my much smaller quantities. I also talk a lot, and no one really notices until the meal is done and I've got a whole lot more on my plate left.
posted by Zophi at 7:23 PM on May 24, 2010
posted by Zophi at 7:23 PM on May 24, 2010
If everyone else is really engrossed in their own meals, then they're not watching you as you look around, and you should feel less self-conscious.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 7:24 PM on May 24, 2010
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 7:24 PM on May 24, 2010
I eat pretty damn slowly and I don't mind if others finish before me, really. (I do mind if their plates are immediately whisked away by the server, so I am the only one with a plate in front of me, but that's besides the point.) You can always stop a few bites before you clean your plate so that you'll have something to fiddle with/take tiny bites of as your friends finish up. As others mentioned, you can also hold onto your water glass if you feel awkward.
posted by chowflap at 7:47 PM on May 24, 2010
posted by chowflap at 7:47 PM on May 24, 2010
Get drunk.
Get up and look at the fish tank.
Stare and snark at other people in the restaurant. Get your friends involved.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 7:56 PM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
Get up and look at the fish tank.
Stare and snark at other people in the restaurant. Get your friends involved.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 7:56 PM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
Time to enumerate the faults of the Lost finale. This should work for at least one more week.
posted by Askr at 8:04 PM on May 24, 2010
posted by Askr at 8:04 PM on May 24, 2010
I experience this often because I have digestive issues and I usually either: 1) eat nothing in a restaurant, 2) get something tiny and eat very, very light, or 3) order something, take a few bites, and bring the rest home (where I can feel a little more secure with my 'issues'). I usually do #3. So, that almost always leaves me awkwardly not eating while the other person (or people) are chowing down. Since I don't want to eat much, and I don't want to call too much attention to the fact that I'm not eating, whatever I do eat, I eat very slowly. One bite.. wait a few minutes.. and so forth. I always get a glass of water, and I'll sip that whenever I feel awkward. Sometimes, I actually pretend I'm drinking the water because I don't want to have any more, but I want to appear as if I'm doing something. I'd also think ahead of time about different topics of conversation to minimize those silences. Then everyone is either paying attention to what their food or talking and hopefully aren't paying too much attention to me. To answer your question directly, during that pause where everyone is eating and I don't know where to look, I fidget with my beverage.. either take a sip, swirl the lemon around in the water, pretend I see a fly floating around.. Anything to not appear as if I'm watching them eat.
(Don't stare and snark at other people in the restaurant unless they're being obnoxious or something! Being in restaurants is unpleasant enough without being watched and critiqued!! IMO!)
posted by Mael Oui at 8:20 PM on May 24, 2010
(Don't stare and snark at other people in the restaurant unless they're being obnoxious or something! Being in restaurants is unpleasant enough without being watched and critiqued!! IMO!)
posted by Mael Oui at 8:20 PM on May 24, 2010
Talk. Look at different people while you're talking.
posted by Jacqueline at 9:13 PM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Jacqueline at 9:13 PM on May 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
You can always take a bite from that plate of beans you're overthinking.
Seriously. You're in a restaurant, surrounded by people and decor. Just turn and look at something. Or, if you're feeling impish, wait until someone's really stuffed their mouth, then ask them a question. Everyone's at a restaurant to eat, and whether you're eating or not, you're looking at something. Do you really eat with people who look at their plate when they're chewing their food? Nah. They just look around, or at the people who are talking at the table.
To improve your social skills, stop sweating this and start figuring out why you feel like everyone's watching you closely to see where you look.
posted by davejay at 11:53 PM on May 24, 2010
Seriously. You're in a restaurant, surrounded by people and decor. Just turn and look at something. Or, if you're feeling impish, wait until someone's really stuffed their mouth, then ask them a question. Everyone's at a restaurant to eat, and whether you're eating or not, you're looking at something. Do you really eat with people who look at their plate when they're chewing their food? Nah. They just look around, or at the people who are talking at the table.
To improve your social skills, stop sweating this and start figuring out why you feel like everyone's watching you closely to see where you look.
posted by davejay at 11:53 PM on May 24, 2010
yeah ... one option is to slow down your eating ... can take some practice ... but try deliberately chewing your food for longer, putting your knife and fork down whilst chewing, and not cutting or loading up your fork with the next bite until you have swallowed your last mouthful, an sip your drink more regularly. When I do this I go from being the first finished dinner, to being the last, by a mile.
posted by jannw at 12:32 AM on May 25, 2010
posted by jannw at 12:32 AM on May 25, 2010
Just order more food, or stuff that takes longer to eat like crab.
posted by Joe Chip at 4:19 AM on May 25, 2010
posted by Joe Chip at 4:19 AM on May 25, 2010
Huh. I'm a ridiculously fast eater, I have been ever since one day in the first semester of my junior year of college. I weighed a slight 139-ish pounds at the time, and one of the guys on my hall was a starting offensive lineman for the football team, Rich. Rich was notorious for coming home from the bar drunk, stripping down to his boxers, grabbing the broom from the cleaning closet, and running up and down the hall smashing the handle end against the concrete floor all the while screaming the Meow-Mix ad song (I like chicken I like liver Meow Mix Meow Mix please deliver!). If you liked the bones of your feet in tact you stayed well out of the hall when you heard that.
Anyway, one day rich took it upon himself to tell me: "You don't talk to me until you weight 150 pounds. I can't believe you don't weigh 150 pounds. If you talk to me before you weigh 150 pounds I am going to punch you." And he was serious, in his Rich-like way. His roommate, who I only remember by his last name, Kaiser, was the starting running back at the time. Kaiser told me he would help me, and took me to the cafeteria with him for dinner that night. "Do what I do" he said, and proceeded to load up a massive tray of food. Heaps of everything, way more than I thought I could ever possibly eat.
We sat down and as I protested to Kaiser, he interrupted me, and said "Listen, just eat as much as you possibly can, as fast as you possibly and safely can. Chew enough, but do it quick and keep eating fast."
Then we started eating. The trick, I would soon learn, was to eat past the point of being full before your brain got the message to the rest of you to stop eating. You'd be a bit uncomfortable for a while after the meal, but you get used to that and learn where to stop pretty fast. By the end of that semester I was pushing 155 and talking to Rich again.
I tell the little story because a few people are suggesting slowing down your eating - which, while possible as an option, some people might not want to do for specific reasons.
Also, until I read this question, I never really very often thought about how fast I ate, except for when I'm (typically) eating out one-on-one with another person and find myself finished before they're half done. I suppose, in retrospect, besides my terse apology / explanation, I've developed a number of tips / tricks subconsciously, for the most part, that I use to fill this time. I don't necessarily need them, especially not with the people I'm most comfortable with, but here's the ones I can think of off the top of my head:
- Telling jokes. AskMe is actually a great repository for short and long jokes, many of which I've tried to remember for times like this.
- Telling stories (i.e. regale the group...). Like I did up above, people sometimes enjoy hearing an interesting tale. Try to write out a few of your favorites - they'll be easier to remember that way.
- Little tricks. The only ones that come to mind at the moment are tying a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue, the coin trick (although there's surely hundreds of others you could learn), and the salt joke. I think this is the coin trick, but my internet isn't good enough here for the video to load - its a trick with 3 dimes and 2 quarters and pretty cool once you memorize it. For the salt joke, you take a salt shaker and your dinner knife, and balance the latter on top of the former - or just place them next to each other if that won't work. Then explain that what you have in front of you has a very specific name, and ask if anyone knows what it is. After a few guesses, explain that its "a salt with a deadly weapon" (say it out loud if you don't get it). For furthering the joke you can repeat the same with the pepper shaker and then when they give up simply explain that its your dinner knife with the pepper shaker, duh.
- Informal food art. Swirls in the remaining sauce on the plate with your fork, balancing the salt shaker on its edge using a little salt on the table, using the olives and some toothpicks to make food versions of tinker-toys, etc..
- I love wetting the tip of my finger and then playing around with the wine / water glass to get that humming sound coming out of the cup. Not sure what that's called or why I get such enjoyment out of it. Drives my mom crazy when I do that, so use with caution.
posted by allkindsoftime at 4:27 AM on May 25, 2010 [1 favorite]
Anyway, one day rich took it upon himself to tell me: "You don't talk to me until you weight 150 pounds. I can't believe you don't weigh 150 pounds. If you talk to me before you weigh 150 pounds I am going to punch you." And he was serious, in his Rich-like way. His roommate, who I only remember by his last name, Kaiser, was the starting running back at the time. Kaiser told me he would help me, and took me to the cafeteria with him for dinner that night. "Do what I do" he said, and proceeded to load up a massive tray of food. Heaps of everything, way more than I thought I could ever possibly eat.
We sat down and as I protested to Kaiser, he interrupted me, and said "Listen, just eat as much as you possibly can, as fast as you possibly and safely can. Chew enough, but do it quick and keep eating fast."
Then we started eating. The trick, I would soon learn, was to eat past the point of being full before your brain got the message to the rest of you to stop eating. You'd be a bit uncomfortable for a while after the meal, but you get used to that and learn where to stop pretty fast. By the end of that semester I was pushing 155 and talking to Rich again.
I tell the little story because a few people are suggesting slowing down your eating - which, while possible as an option, some people might not want to do for specific reasons.
Also, until I read this question, I never really very often thought about how fast I ate, except for when I'm (typically) eating out one-on-one with another person and find myself finished before they're half done. I suppose, in retrospect, besides my terse apology / explanation, I've developed a number of tips / tricks subconsciously, for the most part, that I use to fill this time. I don't necessarily need them, especially not with the people I'm most comfortable with, but here's the ones I can think of off the top of my head:
- Telling jokes. AskMe is actually a great repository for short and long jokes, many of which I've tried to remember for times like this.
- Telling stories (i.e. regale the group...). Like I did up above, people sometimes enjoy hearing an interesting tale. Try to write out a few of your favorites - they'll be easier to remember that way.
- Little tricks. The only ones that come to mind at the moment are tying a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue, the coin trick (although there's surely hundreds of others you could learn), and the salt joke. I think this is the coin trick, but my internet isn't good enough here for the video to load - its a trick with 3 dimes and 2 quarters and pretty cool once you memorize it. For the salt joke, you take a salt shaker and your dinner knife, and balance the latter on top of the former - or just place them next to each other if that won't work. Then explain that what you have in front of you has a very specific name, and ask if anyone knows what it is. After a few guesses, explain that its "a salt with a deadly weapon" (say it out loud if you don't get it). For furthering the joke you can repeat the same with the pepper shaker and then when they give up simply explain that its your dinner knife with the pepper shaker, duh.
- Informal food art. Swirls in the remaining sauce on the plate with your fork, balancing the salt shaker on its edge using a little salt on the table, using the olives and some toothpicks to make food versions of tinker-toys, etc..
- I love wetting the tip of my finger and then playing around with the wine / water glass to get that humming sound coming out of the cup. Not sure what that's called or why I get such enjoyment out of it. Drives my mom crazy when I do that, so use with caution.
posted by allkindsoftime at 4:27 AM on May 25, 2010 [1 favorite]
Oh no! I never realized this was awkward.
When I am not eating, or eat something so light I finish first, I just never realized there was an issue. Seriously, if I've had a big lunch or didn't get much exercise and go to dinner to be social, I just eat a small salad or an app or don't eat at all and never think a thing of it. If people give me grief about not eating at all, I list what I already ate that day or point out that I sat at a desk for 12 hours.
It’s your body. Is it really anybody else’s business what you eat, or when, or how?
(Perhaps my lack of concern on the not eating side is because most of the time I'm a painfully slow eater – people make fun of me for that, but I’m not speeding up! 5 small meals evenly spaced throughout the day, just like Dale Gribble. That’s how I eat, darn it.)
posted by Lesser Shrew at 6:42 AM on May 25, 2010 [1 favorite]
When I am not eating, or eat something so light I finish first, I just never realized there was an issue. Seriously, if I've had a big lunch or didn't get much exercise and go to dinner to be social, I just eat a small salad or an app or don't eat at all and never think a thing of it. If people give me grief about not eating at all, I list what I already ate that day or point out that I sat at a desk for 12 hours.
It’s your body. Is it really anybody else’s business what you eat, or when, or how?
(Perhaps my lack of concern on the not eating side is because most of the time I'm a painfully slow eater – people make fun of me for that, but I’m not speeding up! 5 small meals evenly spaced throughout the day, just like Dale Gribble. That’s how I eat, darn it.)
posted by Lesser Shrew at 6:42 AM on May 25, 2010 [1 favorite]
Steal bites of food from other people. I'm fond of taking fries without asking, but i'm young and cute and can get away with stuff like that.
It depends on who you're with and the tone of the meal. If I'm really comfortable with the company (ie: they won't think I'm bored/rude), I'll doodle in the notebook I always carry with me. Sketching what's on the table or in the room makes me feel like I'm still present at the meal; instead of being off in my own little world, I'm involved with the same elements as everyone else, just not relating to them in the exact same way.
If the sanctity of time with the company is important, I'll build things with silverware and condiments and think of what to talk about next. Or look around and make interesting observations about the decor/other diners to share.
posted by itesser at 7:09 AM on May 25, 2010
It depends on who you're with and the tone of the meal. If I'm really comfortable with the company (ie: they won't think I'm bored/rude), I'll doodle in the notebook I always carry with me. Sketching what's on the table or in the room makes me feel like I'm still present at the meal; instead of being off in my own little world, I'm involved with the same elements as everyone else, just not relating to them in the exact same way.
If the sanctity of time with the company is important, I'll build things with silverware and condiments and think of what to talk about next. Or look around and make interesting observations about the decor/other diners to share.
posted by itesser at 7:09 AM on May 25, 2010
Slow down. If you are going to put effort into dealing with this "problem", then make an effort to pace yourself as others have recommended.
posted by teedee2000 at 7:16 AM on May 25, 2010
posted by teedee2000 at 7:16 AM on May 25, 2010
DO NOT TAKE MY FOOD. GET OFF OF MY FOOD. If you were that hungry, you should have goddamn well ordered more food, not been all "oh, I'll eat light today" and then eaten mine. If you finish your food too quickly, and then start eating mine, this forces me to eat faster every time I'm with you. Which makes me have stomach cramps, thanks! Oh, and get fat, because eating quickly (as has been pointed out above) is a great way to gain weight. Which I don't need. So just get off of my food.
If you're not taking my food, I don't really care if you're eating or not. Pacing yourself is great, there's always those studies about how people don't chew enough, so you can try being the outlier who gets it right. On days when I really wasn't feeling hungry, I've also definitely resorted to sipping water, which makes me feel more involved, but I don't think anyone else really noticed. Otherwise, I dunno, twiddle your napkin? Really, just relax, unless you intrude into their space most people really, really won't notice what you're doing.
posted by anaelith at 7:34 AM on May 25, 2010 [4 favorites]
If you're not taking my food, I don't really care if you're eating or not. Pacing yourself is great, there's always those studies about how people don't chew enough, so you can try being the outlier who gets it right. On days when I really wasn't feeling hungry, I've also definitely resorted to sipping water, which makes me feel more involved, but I don't think anyone else really noticed. Otherwise, I dunno, twiddle your napkin? Really, just relax, unless you intrude into their space most people really, really won't notice what you're doing.
posted by anaelith at 7:34 AM on May 25, 2010 [4 favorites]
During the natural pause when everyone takes a bite/chews ...
Can't say I've encountered that. Usually one person is talking, so not eating. The others then take a bite while someone else is talking. But, then, I can't remember ever having a meal where a conversation wasn't also taking place.
posted by wackybrit at 8:24 AM on May 31, 2010
Can't say I've encountered that. Usually one person is talking, so not eating. The others then take a bite while someone else is talking. But, then, I can't remember ever having a meal where a conversation wasn't also taking place.
posted by wackybrit at 8:24 AM on May 31, 2010
I'm with wackybrit. Aren't you talking? I eat very fast, usually faster than everyone else, so it just means I have more opportunity to speak.
Have a conversation with the other people you're having a meal with.
posted by MythMaker at 12:45 PM on May 31, 2010 [2 favorites]
Have a conversation with the other people you're having a meal with.
posted by MythMaker at 12:45 PM on May 31, 2010 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by One Thousand and One at 6:07 PM on May 24, 2010 [6 favorites]