How do I stop feeling like roadkill when I wake up?

May 9, 2010 11:06 AM

Dear AskMe: Help me get out of bed in the morning.

Background: I'm female, late 20s, and generally healthy.

A few months ago, my life took a hideous crashing turn for the worse: a combination of horrendous breakup and subsequent house-move + family crisis + job crisis + series of stressful hospital appointments (for something that turned out to be fine and non-serious, thankfully, but that scared the hell out of me at the time) all hit within a few weeks of each other, and things were very much No Fun At All.

In most ways, life is looking up now, and I'm starting to feel much more like myself again. Counselling had a large part to play in that, as did great supportive friends and colleagues and just the passage of time, and things are generally getting better these days. Except for this one thing I can't seem to shake: I still wake up feeling absolutely exhausted.

Almost every morning, when my alarm goes off, I feel like it's hauling me out of a Sleeping Beauty-esque depth of sleep. I wake up so groggy I can't think or focus properly, and my limbs all ache like I've been running marathons in my dreams. If I try to actually do anything, like, say, get out of bed, all my muscles feel like they've turned to wet noodles, and I'm wobbly on my feet or so poorly co-ordinated it takes several swipes to turn the bathroom light on. Quite often I'll fall back asleep again (and, frequently, dream about being too exhausted to walk to work and curling up to sleep by the side of the road, stuff like that); other times I'll lie awake, trying to summon up the energy to get moving, and my brain will start playing a Life Meltdown Greatest Hits Slideshow inside my head, recapping various unpleasant events of a few months ago.

Once I've actually got up and got moving, I'm okay. I get some breakfast and put some music on, and within a short while I'm back to normal, don't feel exhausted physically or mentally, and don't keep obsessing over past events. I don't feel tired at all during the day, I'm happy and engaged at work, and happy to kick back and relax in the evenings. It's just that dragging myself out of bed in the first place can take up to an hour, and that hour really sucks.

I'm getting enough sleep; I'm getting enough exercise; I'm eating healthily; I'm not on any new medication, I hardly ever drink, and I'm pretty sure my previous medical issues (for info, migraine presenting oddly) aren't related to this at all. Pretty sure it's just a hangover from stressful events, but knowing that doesn't seem to be doing anything to get rid of it. Plus, the knockon effects can start affecting the rest of my day - I feel bad for not getting up and into work sooner (I work flexible hours but there's a lot do), then start getting frustrated with myself for not being able to just shake it, etc etc etc.

I want to fix this. I'm just stumped as to how. It seems like 'just get out of bed and wake up' should be the easiest thing in the world to do, but… apparently not.

Any ideas, advice, or recommendations for wakeup alarm tones would be very much appreciated!

posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (28 answers total)

obvious questions first:
how much sleep are you getting?
what time are you going to bed?
caffeine/alcohol intake?
posted by SueDenim at 11:12 AM on May 9, 2010

One trick that has gotten me up and going is this:

Make your bed as soon as you turn your alarm clock off. Treat the alarm clock as a "making the bed" alarm rather than a "waking up" alarm. If you do that, you're far less likely to go back to bed, because your bed will now be made and you won't want to have to do it again.
posted by gacxllr9 at 11:23 AM on May 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

You're sort of describing how I used to feel in the morning. Do you have bad breath when you wake up? Some weird alignment of the planets may have caused you to start breathing through your mouth at night. For some people, this is no big deal. For others, it makes it harder to go into deep, deep sleep. These stupid little things have completely changed my life by letting me easily breath through my nose at night: http://www.breatheright.com/. You can get them at a drugstore.

Also consider a "sunrise alarm clock." I've got this one:
http://www.amazon.com/SOLEIL-Alarm-Ultima-Clock-Simulator/dp/B000O20Q6C
posted by zeek321 at 11:32 AM on May 9, 2010 [2 favorites]

In my experience, the ease of getting up is directly related to how excited you are about the day ahead. If you are stoked to get going, it's no problem. If you feel like you are heading for just another dismal day at the grind, you'll hit snooze five times over until you drag your sorry ass out at the last minute.

In other words, you may be having trouble looking forward to your day.
posted by Camofrog at 11:33 AM on May 9, 2010 [4 favorites]

If you can manage to remind yourself that there's a hot shower waiting for you when you wake, that's great motivator. It will help relax and ease your muscles, and I find that it really jumpstarts my alertness. Maybe find a way to get the shower started at the same time as your alarm goes off, so you really have to get in the shower RIGHT NOW or you'll be out of hot water. The same thing could work with a timer-set coffee pot for coffee or oatmeal or what-have-you. Motivates you to move so you won't have to drink cold coffee.
posted by Night_owl at 11:52 AM on May 9, 2010

Practice. A few years ago I started setting my alarm for 5 am to get up and exercise. At first it sucked, but now, I wake up around 5 regardless. The good thing is that on days I don't have to do anything, I can roll back over and go to sleep. It's like a luxury, and it feels good.
posted by dortmunder at 12:00 PM on May 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

I quit caffeine and it made this unbelievably easier. Still hate mornings but there's a huge difference between hating mornings and being a miserable zombie for a good hour or so.
posted by citron at 12:13 PM on May 9, 2010

Try to create one thing, even if it's tiny, to look forward to first thing in the morning. Like something particularly tasty to eat for breakfast. You can pretend you're just getting up to do that one thing.
posted by Diplodocus at 12:41 PM on May 9, 2010

Try to cut out caffeine, food and drink (other than alcohol) as early as possible the prior day, get in a good workout, and then 9 hours of sleep. You might go without caffeine, cigarettes and booze entirely...

If that doesn't help you, consider a sleep clinic evaluation. They can advise you of sleep apnea, unusual REM sleep patterns, sleep terrors, inconstant sleep (waking up or nearly waking up constantly).
posted by MattD at 12:43 PM on May 9, 2010

You might try getting a light alarm clock--preferably the kind that plugs into a lamp and gradually brightens the room over time until the alarm goes off. I have this one, and it's really helped me in the mornings, because I'm no longer going from deep sleep in the dark to being suddenly awake.
posted by albrecht at 12:47 PM on May 9, 2010

Try sleeping somewhere different for a bit and see what happens. The living room sofa, your air mattress for guests, a tent, etc. Try to create a mental narrative to make it interesting (eg you are sleeping on the top floor of an old house in Prague; your tent is under the desert stars). If it works and you feel less groggy in the mornings, you can transpose the change to your room after a few days -- change the sheets/blankets, move lamps or furniture around, cover your windows differently, and sleep either head-down in the bed or on the other side than usual.
posted by xo at 12:50 PM on May 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

Sleep study, sleep study, sleep study! If you have sleep apnea or restless legs syndrome (which may be the reason you wake up with aching muscles), to name two, that will rob you of a good night's sleep, you will wake up feeling like you've never slept, and sleep apnea is nothing to fool around with. Sleep should be refreshing. If it's not, you need to get it checked out.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 1:00 PM on May 9, 2010 [2 favorites]

I obviously don't know whether it's physical or psychological, and I think the sleep test suggestion is a good one. But assuming the latter, two suggestions are to (a) do relaxation/breathing exercises before you sleep, to make sure your body isn't tense at night, and (b) make pancakes for breakfast.
posted by mail at 1:02 PM on May 9, 2010

I'll recommend something like this. It's an automatic coffeemaker with a clock/timer and an awesome stainless steel pot. Set it up when you go to bed and you'll wake to a hot pot of coffee. There's some motivation to get out of bed! I bought this exact coffeemaker a few years ago to treat the woman I was living with at the time. She woke up really early for work (5AM) and I thought it would be nice if she woke to hot coffee. Well, the relationship didn't last, but the coffeemaker sure has.

Seriously... waking to hot coffee is awesome! And the stainless steel pot will keep the coffee hot for HOURS.
posted by 2oh1 at 1:32 PM on May 9, 2010

"Once I've actually got up and got moving, I'm okay."

You're at risk of over-thinking. There are no magic "tricks," to get you out of bed. Your knowing that you'll be fine after you get up (as you said above), the answer is not nearly as difficult as it might seem: Just. Get. Up. And no, I don't mean that snarky. It's like writer's block, there are entire books written on the subject of overcoming this "condition", but the answer, inevitably, however many fancy words you put to it, is always: Just. Write. Same principle.
posted by Gerard Sorme at 1:34 PM on May 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

You said you're getting enough sleep, but didn't say how much. The standard recommendation is 8 hrs a night, but I know I need to average about 9 to be functional and well rested. Maybe you just need more sleep - 8 hrs per night would eventually leave me exhausted.
posted by insectosaurus at 2:07 PM on May 9, 2010

Seriously, the sunrise or light alarm clocks mentioned above are amazing. But if you don't have the money to buy a fancy new alarm clock, try using a radio or cd alarm clock set to play music that will allow you to wake up gradually.

When the sun (or my light alarm clock) wakes me up, I'm usually pretty happy about it. But when it's grey out and I sleep through those things and the terrible noise my alarm clock makes after it blinks light at me wakes me up? Blech.
posted by dizziest at 2:42 PM on May 9, 2010

get your vitamin d levels tested.
posted by lakersfan1222 at 3:08 PM on May 9, 2010

I have a hell of a time getting going in the morning, too. Here are some tricks that work for me:

Sleep with curtains open so the sunrise gradually lightens your room- it's hard to wake up in the dark.
Turn on the light and a radio or TV as soon as you wake up, to let the light and sound help you snap out of sleep.
Check email or read some blogs in bed- it doesn't require much co-ordination and processing the written word on a bright laptop screen will wake up your brain.

Keep a healthy snack and a drink beside your bed and eat it as soon as you wake up. It will help re-balance your blood sugar and get you feeling more awake.
Sample snacks:
Granola bar
Peanut butter sandwich
Beef jerky
Hard boiled egg (peel it the night before so it's quick to eat)
Accompany your snack with a sweetened caffeinated drink, like cold-brewed coffee with sugar, or homemade iced tea with honey.

Or get a cat. Mine snuggles up to me adorably every morning in the wee hours, then around 8am he gets frisky and pokes me in the mouth with one giant furry paw until I fill his bowl.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 3:10 PM on May 9, 2010

I don't know if you're suffering from any kind of specific depression, but I used to have this problem before I was medicated. So if you are depressed, and this problem is really bothering you, and the suggestions made above don't work... just something to think about. Medication really helped me when I had this problem, it basically went away overnight. Sorry for that pun, sheesh.
posted by jennyhead at 3:30 PM on May 9, 2010

I am terrible at getting out of bed in the morning, and have been using an iPhone app called Sleep Cycle for the past couple of months. You leave your iPhone on the corner of your bed, set an alarm, and it senses your movement and so wakes you up at the lightest stage of your sleep.

It has really helped me feel awake when my alarm goes off, rather than jerked out of my sleep.
posted by ellieBOA at 4:28 PM on May 9, 2010

I back the recommendation for a sleep study. I had the worst time since childhood feeling like you've mentioned when wakening; over my lifetime we tried every trick anyone could come up with. I was 32 when we discovered I was having grand mal seizures in my sleep, particularly in the early morning hours.. So, not only was I not well-rested despite being "asleep" for 8ish hours, by also postictal.

Migraines and seizures are related issues: In basic terms, Migraine and Epilepsy are both disorders characterized by paroxysmal, transient alterations of Neurologic function, usually with normal Neurologic examinations between events (attacks). My migraines and seizures are intertwined, including that the headaches begin before I've woken up for the day.
posted by _paegan_ at 6:40 PM on May 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

Since you've had a lot of stress recently, I would suggest taking some B vitamins.
posted by MexicanYenta at 7:59 PM on May 9, 2010

"Feet on the floor and then take four more." I say this to my kids of this every week day morning. Once you stand up you can let your head stay asleep, as odd as it sounds- only your legs need to do the work. Your head can stay asleep till it is time to pull up your pants and start your day. The big part is to separate yourself from the bed and then it is downhill from there.
posted by bkeene12 at 8:17 PM on May 9, 2010

This doesn't really address all of the things you've raised, but it really really helped me to put my alarm clock not only somewhere out of reach but somewhere I would actually have to get up and out of bed to turn off. Think upper shelf of a bookcase. That way less risk of repeated snooze #yetanotheralarmclocksuggestion

Otherwise, morning routine in some way? Yoga, exercise, coffee, fry up, etc?

I don't want to offer any general advice about the difficult situation you're in and how that might be affecting things, mainly because I don't feel like I know the situation enough to really understand, but just doing the stupid simple things in a regular way can be a help.

Good luck!
posted by litleozy at 1:46 AM on May 10, 2010

You might try training yourself to get up through a sort of conditioning. Basically you practice (during your waking hours) popping up as soon as your alarm goes off. It's described in more detail here.
posted by yawper at 7:11 AM on May 10, 2010

Here is my particular wakeup combo, but YMMV.

1) Alarm goes off at the same time every day of the week. The loud, repetitive buzz suits me best.

2) Immediately, I reach above my head board and turn on a light - this is critical, I think there's some neurological stuff that happens here.

3) I love showers, and the thought of taking a nice, warm shower gets me out of the bed.

4) The moment hot water hits the back of my neck, my entire nervous system and brain is startled, and I'm ready to rock and roll.

5) I will usually always take a tall, black coffee about 90 minutes after I wake up and eat breakfast. That's my only caffeine intake the whole day.

MOST IMPORTANTLY: In my experience, the discipline is in going to bed early and at the same time every night. This is FAR more difficult than waking up early.
posted by yoyoceramic at 8:15 AM on May 10, 2010

I have a similar problem--waking up to my alarm clock feeling completely drugged, and my hands, arms and neck all tensed up.

The only small progress I've made with this is making sure there's light and noise as soon as the alarm goes off. I leave the curtains open, and in the winter I usually reach over and turn on my bedside lamp. I also hit the radio button on my alarm clock--the sound of talking on NPR helps gradually ease me out of sleep. When I'm awake enough I sit up in bed and stay that way for a couple minutes (otherwise I'm really dizzy when I stand up). This whole thing takes at least 15 minutes. After that I stagger to a hot shower, and by the time I'm done with that, I'm good.

And as much as I hate to admit it, getting more sleep, regularly, really helps too.
posted by nowmorethannever at 8:18 PM on May 10, 2010