Orgasm alternatives
April 1, 2010 2:31 PM   Subscribe

How can you (male) have great sex if you physically can't orgasm because of invasive surgery?

Medical background: A male friend and occasional sex partner is unable to have an orgasm in the usual way because of prostate surgery years ago. He developed cancer at a young age (20s) and it had spread far enough to cause massive damage by the time he was treated. Since then, he hasn't been able to ejaculate nor have the other physical feelings-- spasms, I guess you would say-- that go along with orgasm. (Before surgery, he had regular orgasms, so he knows what it's like.) He also only gets semi-erect at best. The one medical intervention anyone's been able to suggest is a sort of pump affair to create a fuller erection. That would allow him to achieve better penetration and possibly give a partner more pleasure, but the downside is that he has a certain amount of pain from scar tissue in the area, making penetration less than pleasurable for him as it is. The good news is that he has ample testosterone and feels aroused. There may be some further medical ideas at some point, but I don't see anything happening soon.

My actual question is sexual and for the time being, and is for anyone who has dealt with complete lack of male orgasm. What tricks are there to have more pleasurable sex with a partner/masturbation? Is there anything you can do to create something like the sense of completeness or conclusion that orgasm brings? My friend wants to have better sex and is probably willing to try most techniques and parts of the body, except that SM, spanking and stuff like that is almost certainly a no-go.

Please forgive me if I have missed previous discussions; I tried what search terms I could think of. Thanks!
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (5 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

One of my sexual partners had had some kind of prostate surgery and found it very difficult to get an erection. However, he got a lot of pleasure from having his perineum rubbed. It wasn't orgasmic, but he seemed to enjoy it.

It might also be worth stimulating his other erogenous zones. Also, can he tolerate having his prostate stimulated directly?
posted by Solomon at 3:45 PM on April 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

For penetration, your friend might find more success if he wears a strap-on. There are actually harnesses made to accommodate wearers with penises (like the second harness here--link obvs NSFW) or made to be worn on another part of the body (like this one). Wearing a strap-on on, say, the chest would also allow his partner to manually stimulate him at the same time.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 3:50 PM on April 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

You might find some helpful information about alternative orgasms in The Science of Orgasm. I haven't read the whole thing yet but so far it has talked about different nerve pathways to orgasm, and has mentioned that some people with spinal cord injuries have learned to orgasm by way of other body parts... nipples, for one.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 5:24 PM on April 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

Here's an excerpt from a different book, which references a passage from the book I mentioned above. It talks about orgasm being elicited by holding a vibrator to the tip of the nose... also mentions knee orgasm and hand orgasm.

Speaking of vibrators, I wonder if your friend would enjoy anal penetration with a vibrator? The anal opening itself is nerve-rich and sensitive to stimulation, and from there it might be possible to carefully experiment and see if he can still get any pleasure from the remaining nerves in the area of his prostate.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 5:40 PM on April 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

How would you feel about urethral play? For guys who are into it, it's intensely pleasurable in a non-orgasmic sort of way, and if anything it actually goes better when the penis you're playing with is soft.

(If he's actually lost feeling in his penis, rather than just losing the ability to orgasm, then urethral play is probably a very bad idea. And one way or another, if you're going to try it, read up on how to do it safely first. I can't recommend a book or anything, but googling "urethral play" or "urethral sounding" turns up copious information.)
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:28 PM on April 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

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