Should I use a pseudonym or my real name?

March 9, 2010 8:18 AM

Need advice from people who've dealt with pseudonyms.

I use a genuine sounding pseudonym for my benign hobby, but my regular name for work & social events. Want to take hobby to a semi-professional level soon, so I want to get my identity issues straight before this happens. I've invested some time and energy into the pseudonym at this point, but since both names are quite similar I could probably change without it being a major issue.

Using the pseudonym has been complicated. It's annoying to not know how to introduce myself to new people, and I'm losing track of who knows me by what name. I'm imagining having one name would be best for networking socially and professionally.

But then again, I really like my privacy and a pseudonym can keep away the occasional creepy people. I work in a public place with a first name nametag, and I have had some stalkerish people in my past. Some super intense internet sleuthing could probably link both people at this point, but I'm thinking that keeping both names could throw off some creepy people and keep my personal life private.

My basic dilemma: Should I get over my privacy and stalker issues or should I just learn to accept the minor annoyances that a pseudonym offers? I think I could learn to live with either choice, but want to hear what more experienced people say. Similar Ask Mefi questions exist, but mine seems different.

Have you faced this dilemma? What worked & what didn't? Is there a way to frame the situation that I'm not thinking about?

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (20 answers total)

I think it's difficult to accurately gauge the appropriateness of your privacy and stalker issues without more information on the nature of your "benign hobby".
posted by joelhunt at 8:25 AM on March 9, 2010

Maybe I've just never seen it, but I have never, ever heard of someone going by a pseudonym for a hobby or club they belong to. Seems really strange to me. Also, if I were to make friends doing said hobby and I found out that one of them had a different "real" name, I'd be pretty offended. No idea why, but I would be.

I vote for dropping it, I think your expectations of privacy/stalker-types are a little weird.
posted by InsanePenguin at 8:28 AM on March 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

Penelope Trunk says to use your real name and ignore the harassment. (Point 5 in her list.) That post is about blogging, but it could apply to hobbies too. (Ironically, "Penelope Trunk" is a pseudonym.)

I realize that since your job has you wearing a name tag that your issues aren't exactly the same. But as a reality check, most people, in order to actively live in the modern world, have to at some point present themselves to random strangers in a way that conveys their real name. If it's not working at a job with a name tag, it's going to a big mixer and announcing your name while who-knows-who is eavesdropping, or it's giving your personal info at the bank, at a cafe, over the internet. Privacy's important, but it's not absolute -- we freely waive our privacy all the time.

As someone who has been stalked and harassed on the internet, and who has loved ones who've been stalked and harassed, I try to live by the cliche motto: "Living well is the best revenge." In other words, go ahead and present your true self to the world and be confident that people don't have the power to squash your identity. You're aware of the hassles of trying to juggle two different identities, so we don't have to tell you about those downsides. Even if you do succeed in hiding yourself from a few "occasional creepy people," they've already won as long as you're rearranging your life out of fear that they might find you.
posted by Jaltcoh at 8:40 AM on March 9, 2010

I'm basing my advice here on a long life of participating in the strange and wonderful world of Internet fandom, which has a lot of pseudonyms, occasionally people going pro under said pseudonyms, and a fair amount of waffle about "who knows which name".

It's all a matter of whether or not your hobby relates to your work. If you're going to be networking and submitting things and doing all of this semi-pro stuff, and it doesn't relate to work at all, then stick with the pseudonym. If someone talks to you and finds out your real name, then the other isn't your pseudonym, it's your "professional name". People do things like that all the time.

But if it's likely that someone will know you at work as "Joey Jo-Jo Shabadoo" and then meet you at Hobby-Con 2010 as "Joey Jo-Jo Gutenberg", and your work is a part of your hobby, then you might want to look into bringing in your real name.

So don't worry about it. Have your real name for some situations, and your professional name for the other situations.

and then a third pseudonym to troll the other names. for the lulz.
posted by Katemonkey at 8:42 AM on March 9, 2010

I have been in pretty much this exact situation.

I signed up for a band's listserv with a name I pulled out of my ass, because I saw no need to give my real name out. I did not realize that everything I sent to that listserv would be signed with that name. I didn't think it would be a real problem until I moved to the city where the band was based, and everyone I knew was from that listserv - and thought they knew my name.

I weighed the annoyance of being called the wrong name against the awkwardness of explaining to everyone I met that no, "x" was not actually my name, sorry. I ultimately decided to keep the pseudonym, and while I haven't changed it legally, it's pretty much taken over my life. It's what's on my business cards, my email, etc. I'm ok with this, actually. I never particularly cared for my given name anyway.

Honestly? I don't think the pseudonym would foil a determined stalker. It makes Googling a little more confusing, but if someone's willing to go to those lengths, they'll dig it up eventually. I'd vote for picking one and moving on with it. Trying to keep two sets of names straight will drive you bonkers.
posted by restless_nomad at 8:42 AM on March 9, 2010

I'm not sure if this would address all of your issues, but have you considered going by your middle name in regards to your hobby? It might give you a more protected level of privacy (in that you wouldn't be instantly Googleable) but I'm not sure what kind of hobby you are practicing that would give you these fears.

Then, if anyone discovers your secret, it's not as bizarre as using a completely made up name.
posted by amicamentis at 8:45 AM on March 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

It is a bit difficult to suss this out without some indication of what the hobby is, but I don't think this is entirely uncommon. For example, I shoot a lot of photos of my local roller derby team, and when the skaters are in "derby mode" they all go only by their skater names. Same thing with drag queens/kings. You also see this in musicians, actors, a whole bunch of lines of work. In each case, however, there is generally no pretense that the assumed identity is the real one--it's just the only identity that the public is going to get.

I don't think it's a big issue to be Rick Starr when you're out doing standup comedy and Richard Starkberg at the office. People may get weirded out if you refuse to admit the other persona exists, however.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 8:45 AM on March 9, 2010

I use fake names all the time. If it's someone I know I will never meet again, I almost never give my real name (and I would never give my real name for something like a reservation at a restaurant or when starbucks wants to write a name on the cup, though if I'm with someone that knows my real name I'll use a random name instead of my regular fake name). I just don't like to. It has posed no problems, occasionally people call me or know me by my fake name, and that's fine. I'm very careful to never conflate my real name and my fake name, and my fake name has an email address and some people who it communicates with. This has never proved to be even the minorest of issues/hassles for me, except the occasional eyebrow lifts when I don't give my real name to the starbucks people (honestly, I was shocked to discover that anyone ever did give their real name in this situation, but apparently almost everyone does).

I have been stalked in real life. It is terrible. I guard my name and my Internet Persona like a crazy person. I vote pseudonym.
posted by brainmouse at 8:46 AM on March 9, 2010

My step-grandfather goes by the name Spencer (His name is John). When I first met him, I didn't think anything of it. I assumed it was his middle name (as I do).

Actually it was one of his old bosses names. When they would go out to eat, they would always put down Spencer, and it was unique enough the hostess would always remember them, they could hear it through a crowd, etc. So when he would go out on his own, he started to use the name Spencer.

After taking enough friends out, they'd tease him for using Spencer, and start calling him Spencer. Eventually it hit critical mass, and while John might be his professional name, as soon as he leaves the office he's Spencer.

If you framed it in a similar manner, you might be able to pull it off. But I go by my middle name, and every now and then people give me the most quizzical looks. If you can't hold that boundary of identity, nobody else will.
posted by politikitty at 8:57 AM on March 9, 2010

and I would never give my real name for something like a reservation at a restaurant or when starbucks wants to write a name on the cup, though if I'm with someone that knows my real name I'll use a random name instead of my regular fake name

I don't understand this and I'm curious to hear why you were surprised to find out that almost everyone gives there real names. What could possibly go wrong with giving out this information? Your name is pretty much the number one most freely available information about anyone. Also, very rarely does someone have a completely unique name.

No offense meant to anyone in this thread that uses a pseudonym, but this just really strikes me as incredibly odd. I mean, authors/musicians I get, but as a way to somehow think you're "protecting" yourself by never giving your real name? It seems ludicrous. Like, real crazy -paranoid-type person behavior.

Can someone help explain to me why you would go through this trouble? And I'm not looking for "I was stalked, I had to change my name." I mean like brainmouse, who apparently uses fake names more often than her real one.
posted by InsanePenguin at 9:07 AM on March 9, 2010 [4 favorites]

Also, would you be using your pseudonym as your brand when you go semi-pro? That might be a reason to keep it.
posted by Vaike at 9:39 AM on March 9, 2010

I have known (local, North Carolina) actresses who prefer to use pseudonyms because of fear of weird/random "fans". Better safe than sorry, especially since some groups are doing experimental theater of various stripes and the occasional burlesque effort. I think that at least one actress actually had been subject to some scary calls/letters (I heard about this fourth hand) _before_ changing her stage name.

So, if your "hobby" is theatrical or musical, and you're female, that's a consideration. Also, I doubt an actress looking for a job later in life would really want a prospective employer to find even stellar reviews of extremely edgy past roles.
posted by amtho at 9:43 AM on March 9, 2010

This isn't terribly different then women using their birth names professionally despite having changed their name after getting married. It's way easier to have a couple different last names than first names, though, confusion-wise.
posted by desuetude at 10:08 AM on March 9, 2010

I work in tech/academia and many of my colleagues have both professional names and "internet names" or nicknames. Others use a particular name for publishing and another in day-to-day life (especially common for women negotiating married name changes). As someone said upthread, among artists, musicians, and creative types, it is extremely common, and in any type of subculture I've found that it's really not that unusual. If your hobby has some major internet component like listservs or forums, I would be positive that others are also using pseudonyms.

I have gone by "alicetiara" for years (since 2000 or so) for a variety of things (online communities, DJing, feature writing, blogging, many day-to-day interactions among particular groups of friends) and I rarely have to explain it - but then my first name is actually "alice". I would say that half my friends think my real name is "Alice Tiara"; I get mail addressed to that name fairly frequently.

I think the annoyances of a pseudonym are minor, and I like having my real name and my internet rock star name. The only people who think this is very strange are likely to be pretty square, so I suppose it's up to you whether you think you will be interacting with such people frequently or not (the nature of your hobby comes into play here).
posted by alicetiara at 10:12 AM on March 9, 2010

I don't understand this and I'm curious to hear why you were surprised to find out that almost everyone gives there real names. What could possibly go wrong with giving out this information?

I use my real name at Starbucks / Peet's and for restaurant reservations, but I'm always asked how to spell it (even though there's only one mainstream spelling!) and it gets frustrating. Because of that, I've considered using a pseudonym or going by initials, like 90% of my coworkers seem to do -- they have Indian or Chinese names that they don't care to spell and explain repeatedly to the flustered baristas.
posted by tantivy at 10:58 AM on March 9, 2010

I have a pseudonym, and a semi-serious hobby/small business associated with it, along with email, a blog, flickr, etc. I prefer it to my given name. I don't anticipate that there will be much, if any, crossover between my work world and my hobby world.
posted by noxetlux at 11:07 AM on March 9, 2010

Mr. Q&A works with quite a few people who use pseudonyms, as his hobby in sports blogging. For the most part, those people use such names to separate out a large internet audience from those who know them in person, avoid being "found out" at work for having a second job. In these cases, the number of people who know their "real name" is fairly small. Mr. Q&A went the other way and uses his real name for both blogging and well, life, and it is worrisome to a point that an internet search will pull up everything. Additionally, now that he's branded himself as that, changing isn't really possible, as he'd lose a lot of the credibility he's worked to be associated with. Depending on your hobby, I think pseudonyms can be really good for branding purposes. If your hobby is at all internet-related, I think a lot of people understand not using your real name as your handle, and I'd recommend keeping it.

That said, it sounds like you're a bit over having two names/identities and you might be ready to merge the two, or ditch your pseudonym altogether, but do think about whether you would have to work to re-establish yourself in your hobby community.

As someone who goes by her middle name, I would not recommend this as a "less complicated" option. It certainly is A option, but it's a pain.
posted by questionsandanchors at 11:19 AM on March 9, 2010

I've got a pseudonym/stage name, which is fairly close to my professional/social name (both share the Sadie), which is fairly close to my legal name. I answer to all three, and just introduce myself as whichever is most suited to the situation. Oftentimes, it's pretty obvious.

Also, most people know me by at least two of those names, and if they don't know either the pseudonym or my real name, it's for good reason. There have indeed been a couple stalker types, but they're smart enough to figure it out whether you try to impede discovery of your real identity or not. I promise.

Keep it. Yes, it's your brand. It's also handy to have the separation.
posted by sadiehawkinstein at 11:35 AM on March 9, 2010

Also, honestly don't want to be snarky, but if you use a fake name at Starbucks, do you also use a fake credit card? Or do you only pay it cash? I guess I just don't see the use of a pseudonym as a "secret identity."

Sure; one could either pay cash or use a prepaid gift card (for the frequent buyer rewards) that's registered under a false first and last name. I've never seen a cashier that cared about a difference in names, but your coffee shop may vary. As far as the relevance to this thread... I don't know if the OP is concerned about giving his/her name in scenarios like this, but it's one place where giving a fake name isn't weird.
posted by tantivy at 11:58 AM on March 9, 2010

Mod note: A few comments removed. Please stick to answering the question asked and leave the side-discussion out of this.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:59 AM on March 9, 2010