A Birthday Without a Party
January 12, 2010 10:41 AM Subscribe
My wife's birthday is in 6 days, and I have no idea what to do. Help!
She's going to be turning 29 on the 18th, and I have no idea what to do for her. She's not especially materialistic, and has in fact expressly stated that she doesn't want gifts. I get the impression that most people are lying when they say that, but gift or not, I'd like to do something a little more memorable than just hand a gift over.
For now, my best idea is to try and get a bunch of our friends over at our place, and be there when she arrives home from work, but there's a slight logistic problem there in that one of her best friends is her boss and works with her, meaning they leave work at more or less the same time. Pretty sure I could make it work, it just adds a layer of complexity. It's also a plan lacking an end: I don't know what I should plan for when she arrives, I just know she'd love to have as many of our friends together as possible. Realistically, there's not likely to be more than 6 people.
Money's tight, so ideally this won't cost anything, but I realise that's an unrealistic expectation. And I know she'd kill me if I spent a bunch of money on her birthday.
(I searched AskMe for similar questions, but there are 62 pages of hits, mostly not relevant at all.)
Any thoughts? We've had a pretty tough year, her last birthday was crappy, and this is the first time she'll have a husband on her birthday. I'd really like to make it memorable. Memorable, but low-key, and low-cost. And not too hard to pull off, since I'm incredibly unorganised and left it to the last minute.
All ideas, from the tame to the downright outlandish are appreciated!
She's going to be turning 29 on the 18th, and I have no idea what to do for her. She's not especially materialistic, and has in fact expressly stated that she doesn't want gifts. I get the impression that most people are lying when they say that, but gift or not, I'd like to do something a little more memorable than just hand a gift over.
For now, my best idea is to try and get a bunch of our friends over at our place, and be there when she arrives home from work, but there's a slight logistic problem there in that one of her best friends is her boss and works with her, meaning they leave work at more or less the same time. Pretty sure I could make it work, it just adds a layer of complexity. It's also a plan lacking an end: I don't know what I should plan for when she arrives, I just know she'd love to have as many of our friends together as possible. Realistically, there's not likely to be more than 6 people.
Money's tight, so ideally this won't cost anything, but I realise that's an unrealistic expectation. And I know she'd kill me if I spent a bunch of money on her birthday.
(I searched AskMe for similar questions, but there are 62 pages of hits, mostly not relevant at all.)
Any thoughts? We've had a pretty tough year, her last birthday was crappy, and this is the first time she'll have a husband on her birthday. I'd really like to make it memorable. Memorable, but low-key, and low-cost. And not too hard to pull off, since I'm incredibly unorganised and left it to the last minute.
All ideas, from the tame to the downright outlandish are appreciated!
Flowers. Little love notes around the home. One of them will mention a chore she has wanted you to do for a long time that you haven't had time to do -- but just finished. The morning of her birthday, tell her sincerely how beautiful she is and how much she means to you.
Then do these things all the time going forward.
posted by msalt at 10:47 AM on January 12, 2010
Then do these things all the time going forward.
posted by msalt at 10:47 AM on January 12, 2010
Give her a weekend of in-home pampering: breakfast in bed, foot massage, pedicure, shampoo (it's so nice to have someone else wash your hair!). Don't let her lift a finger. Read to her, or netflix her favorite movies and watch them with her. Cook her favorite meal. Wash and fold the laundry, assuming that's not a job you share with her. None of that costs any money that you haven't already spent, and I guarantee it will be memorable and fun for you both.
posted by contessa at 10:48 AM on January 12, 2010
posted by contessa at 10:48 AM on January 12, 2010
Hire a maid to do a full scrub of the house.
posted by amethysts at 10:52 AM on January 12, 2010 [4 favorites]
posted by amethysts at 10:52 AM on January 12, 2010 [4 favorites]
So you guys are newlyweds? I'd go the romantic route. I'm assuming from her statement that she doesn't want gifts, that she's more of a sentimental type interested in making happy memories. If I were you I'd take here somewhere nice for a candlelit dinner and then somewhere unexpected. Don't spend a bundle apart from the meal but choose somewhere that has significance to her or both of you. The place you proposed to her (if applicable) may be a good choice. Gatherings with friends are nice but predictable, and everyone will bring gifts anyway.
If you are friends with her friends, you may try asking them for cash gifts and pool all the money together for something that aids you in the suggestion above. For example, a gift certificate to a day spa that the two of you can use together on the date. Or tickets to the zoo, or something more in line with your wife's interests. Something more experiential than material, whatever it is.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 10:53 AM on January 12, 2010
If you are friends with her friends, you may try asking them for cash gifts and pool all the money together for something that aids you in the suggestion above. For example, a gift certificate to a day spa that the two of you can use together on the date. Or tickets to the zoo, or something more in line with your wife's interests. Something more experiential than material, whatever it is.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 10:53 AM on January 12, 2010
I meant to add, if you get the house cleaned, that should not be the "thing". That should be in prep for the "thing".
posted by amethysts at 10:53 AM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by amethysts at 10:53 AM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
Send an email to her friends or give them a call -- Casual birthday dinner at your house. Even if they do arrive an hour or so after she gets home from work -- this gives her time to freshen up and unwind a bit. Buy a cake and candles at the bakery. Order in takeout for dinner. Buy beer and wine. Celebrate. Sing happy birthday. It doesn't have to be fancy to show you care. It will be special.
Buy her a little something, even if money is tight. Think about who she is and what she would like. (What kind of perfume does she wear? What is her favorite color? What kind of music does she like?) An inexpensive pair of earrings, or a beautiful sweater or scarf, with a heartfelt note would be excellent. Good luck.
posted by Fairchild at 10:58 AM on January 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
Buy her a little something, even if money is tight. Think about who she is and what she would like. (What kind of perfume does she wear? What is her favorite color? What kind of music does she like?) An inexpensive pair of earrings, or a beautiful sweater or scarf, with a heartfelt note would be excellent. Good luck.
posted by Fairchild at 10:58 AM on January 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
Can you rope your wife's best friend/boss into helping you with this? When planning a surprise party, it's vital to have an ally on the outside, working alongside your intended surprise target.
You sound really harrowed, but remember, your wife will love WHATEVER you try to arrange for her. She probably doesn't want to be stressed further than she already is. So something big and crazy isn't going to be what she'd enjoy, anyway. There are a lot of birthday traditions that are classic for very good reason. Sit down and take stock of the resources you have available to you, and go from there.
Most birthday parties need: snacky foods, beverages, a cake, one or two entertainment options, music, guests, the birthday person, a host.
So you already have the birthday person (wife) and a host (you). You can ask your guests to bring beverages. If one of your friends is a baker, making a cake is really *not* that hard, and a lot of the time, cheaper than buying a bottle of liquor. You can also buy the cake. You should buy the snacky foods since you know best what everyone will like to eat. Music should be the easiest if you're a typical late twenties couple in the US, but if you don't have much, chances are that one of your friends does, and would like to play DJ for their present. Entertainment options is the trickiest. What does your wife like to do? I like to play board games, she might love drunken charades, or listening to people jam on their instruments, or dancing, or tons of other things. Whatever she normally does with your friends when they're just hanging out, try to amp it up about two notches with pre-planning.
Your wife's boss can either show up a little late to the party, or leave work early as boss's prerogative. Also, if you start now, they have six days to invent a reason for them to come home with your wife that day. That might be particularly good, because then you wife will be expecting company after work, and not come home and immediately want to take a nap or something, only to be ruined by a surprise party.
The key is to not think *too* big, stick with the basics, and have your friends help you out with the party in their own ways instead of giving your wife physical presents.
posted by Mizu at 10:59 AM on January 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
You sound really harrowed, but remember, your wife will love WHATEVER you try to arrange for her. She probably doesn't want to be stressed further than she already is. So something big and crazy isn't going to be what she'd enjoy, anyway. There are a lot of birthday traditions that are classic for very good reason. Sit down and take stock of the resources you have available to you, and go from there.
Most birthday parties need: snacky foods, beverages, a cake, one or two entertainment options, music, guests, the birthday person, a host.
So you already have the birthday person (wife) and a host (you). You can ask your guests to bring beverages. If one of your friends is a baker, making a cake is really *not* that hard, and a lot of the time, cheaper than buying a bottle of liquor. You can also buy the cake. You should buy the snacky foods since you know best what everyone will like to eat. Music should be the easiest if you're a typical late twenties couple in the US, but if you don't have much, chances are that one of your friends does, and would like to play DJ for their present. Entertainment options is the trickiest. What does your wife like to do? I like to play board games, she might love drunken charades, or listening to people jam on their instruments, or dancing, or tons of other things. Whatever she normally does with your friends when they're just hanging out, try to amp it up about two notches with pre-planning.
Your wife's boss can either show up a little late to the party, or leave work early as boss's prerogative. Also, if you start now, they have six days to invent a reason for them to come home with your wife that day. That might be particularly good, because then you wife will be expecting company after work, and not come home and immediately want to take a nap or something, only to be ruined by a surprise party.
The key is to not think *too* big, stick with the basics, and have your friends help you out with the party in their own ways instead of giving your wife physical presents.
posted by Mizu at 10:59 AM on January 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
Given it is your wife and you think she would like a big house party, I think that is a great idea. Who cares if you are newlyweds, that doesn't automatically mean you need romance and flowers.
I for one would be really pleased with a house party right after work even if my boss would be late or etc. Get some great drinks and maybe suggest a mini potluck for food since it'd be right after work. Have some music planned out and take lots of pictures.
posted by shownomercy at 11:01 AM on January 12, 2010
I for one would be really pleased with a house party right after work even if my boss would be late or etc. Get some great drinks and maybe suggest a mini potluck for food since it'd be right after work. Have some music planned out and take lots of pictures.
posted by shownomercy at 11:01 AM on January 12, 2010
Yeah, I think a dinner party with my closest friends would be a fantastic birthday gift. For me, important considerations would be some of my favorite food, favorite booze (very important for me, YWMV), the good friends (obviously), and something fun to do (celebrity, bocce ball). Any sort of event that combines some of the these-are-a-few-of-my-favorite-things is sure to go over well. Since I'm a bit of a social butterfly, that would go over better than a day of pampering, though again, this varies from person to person. For my gf, the best birthday party is just the two of us.
posted by craven_morhead at 11:09 AM on January 12, 2010
posted by craven_morhead at 11:09 AM on January 12, 2010
Roses are expensive, but rose petals are cheap and sometimes free from florists. Whatever you decide to do, you can give it a little extra "oomph" by strewing rose petals everywhere.
posted by fairywench at 11:14 AM on January 12, 2010
posted by fairywench at 11:14 AM on January 12, 2010
The best birthday present I ever got from my wife was drinks at a local swanky bar/restaurant to start out, then a trip to the local planetarium for a "january night sky" presentation and then home where a buddy of ours set up a picnic for us in the house. All a surprise and really awesome. That was the first birthday I spent with her. She set the bar incredibly high with that.
posted by TheBones at 11:14 AM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by TheBones at 11:14 AM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
BTW, happy birthday to her, my birthday's the same day, the 18th. Last year I spent the day before and the day of in the ER for a head injury from skiing. I'll be going skiing again, but am going to try and avoid the ER.
posted by TheBones at 11:23 AM on January 12, 2010
posted by TheBones at 11:23 AM on January 12, 2010
Breakfast or coffee in bed. If you think she'd like the surprise friends gathering, go for that - it sounds nice. I don't think you have to plan it too much - ask everyone to bring something, make sure someone (or you) brings a cake, and proceed to have fun.
posted by KAS at 11:23 AM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by KAS at 11:23 AM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
As a newlywed myself, I would LOVE if my husband threw me a party, and especially if it were a small affair with close friends and good food. What are her favorite foods? Maybe you could translate her favorite things into a tapas kind of thing - with small samplings of different plates? Or does she really really love sweet things? Then maybe do a small dessert bar. I think this would be incredibly sweet, because it shows that you pay attention to what her favorite foods are, and it would be a real treat for her.
Contact her boss, make a game plan, and go with it. Ask the coworkers to supply the booze, and you've got a party.
That would be my ideal type of birthday party. With maybe some late-night pool and beer at a local pub afterward. But that's just me.
posted by elisebeth at 11:46 AM on January 12, 2010
Contact her boss, make a game plan, and go with it. Ask the coworkers to supply the booze, and you've got a party.
That would be my ideal type of birthday party. With maybe some late-night pool and beer at a local pub afterward. But that's just me.
posted by elisebeth at 11:46 AM on January 12, 2010
My husband just gave me the best birthday party ever. I'm old enough so that I'd rather have a fun experience than anything material, and he managed to give me something really great without costing too much money.
First, he gave me gobs of balloons, inexpensive ones, at least one every time he left the house and came back for the 24 hours leading up to the party. It was really wonderful to have him surprise me again and again with something fun and colorful.
He made all of the party food using the magic of crock pot planning so he wasn't cooking and stressed the day of the party.
Then, he had all of my friends bring a balloon to the party. Some brought one, some brought a few. At the end of the evening everyone tied balloons (which had grown into a grouping of about 50) to my dress and walked me down to the local bar for a few birthday drinks.
I felt very special, very loved, and I was relieved that it didn't cost much money at all.
posted by Alison at 11:51 AM on January 12, 2010 [3 favorites]
First, he gave me gobs of balloons, inexpensive ones, at least one every time he left the house and came back for the 24 hours leading up to the party. It was really wonderful to have him surprise me again and again with something fun and colorful.
He made all of the party food using the magic of crock pot planning so he wasn't cooking and stressed the day of the party.
Then, he had all of my friends bring a balloon to the party. Some brought one, some brought a few. At the end of the evening everyone tied balloons (which had grown into a grouping of about 50) to my dress and walked me down to the local bar for a few birthday drinks.
I felt very special, very loved, and I was relieved that it didn't cost much money at all.
posted by Alison at 11:51 AM on January 12, 2010 [3 favorites]
I think having a bunch of friends over for food and drink -- with no effort or cleanup on her part -- would be great fun. It doesn't have to be fancy. Especially if it's cold where you are, a big vat of something warm and filling is a) inexpensive, b) cheerily casual, and c) easy to do -- no last minute anything. So make a big pot of chili and set out bowls of fixins': cheese, onions, pickled onions, a couple of salsas, and so forth. Or a big vat of gumbo! Ask people to bring beer or wine.... and someone, if possible, should bake a cake. (Or at least homemade cookies!)
posted by kestrel251 at 11:52 AM on January 12, 2010
posted by kestrel251 at 11:52 AM on January 12, 2010
As Fairchild said, I think it would be nice to get her something small. I'm guessing the reason she expressly said no gifts is that she's worried about money. So you get bonus points if you manage to get her something but only spend a small amount.
As far as what to do that night, is there a cheap museum is your area? Other ideas are: drinks/appetizers at a cheap happy hour, followed by a cheap movie, then a picnic somewhere. (TheBones' birthday in fact sounds like the perfect birthday to me!) I'm guessing it's cold outside where you live, but you could do a picnic at home (spread out a blanket on the floor) or somewhere else indoors. Personally, I'd appreciate it if my husband planned multiple small and cheap activities for the night.
If you feel like you can't adequately pull off a party, you could also have others meet up with you at a happy hour, and bring a cake.
On preview, Alison's birthday gathering sounds like a great way to go as well!
posted by nowmorethannever at 12:03 PM on January 12, 2010
As far as what to do that night, is there a cheap museum is your area? Other ideas are: drinks/appetizers at a cheap happy hour, followed by a cheap movie, then a picnic somewhere. (TheBones' birthday in fact sounds like the perfect birthday to me!) I'm guessing it's cold outside where you live, but you could do a picnic at home (spread out a blanket on the floor) or somewhere else indoors. Personally, I'd appreciate it if my husband planned multiple small and cheap activities for the night.
If you feel like you can't adequately pull off a party, you could also have others meet up with you at a happy hour, and bring a cake.
On preview, Alison's birthday gathering sounds like a great way to go as well!
posted by nowmorethannever at 12:03 PM on January 12, 2010
I agree that if you want it to be a surprise, you can probably get your wife's boss to help. However, I'd also point out that it doesn't have to be a surprise in order to be fun. I'm not a huge fan of surprises, but I'd love it if someone said to me, "for your birthday, I'm going to plan and make a big dinner for all of our friends, and I'm going to do all of the shopping and cooking and cleaning, and all you have to do is enjoy yourself." I think that would be an awesome gift, one that she would both look forward to until it happens and remember joyfully afterward.
posted by decathecting at 12:07 PM on January 12, 2010
posted by decathecting at 12:07 PM on January 12, 2010
Response by poster: Great ideas, thanks everyone! I think I'm going to go with a mix of the ideas here: weekend of pampering, maybe some shows or a movie, and, thanks to rather fortuitous timing, it looks like I'll be able to get our wedding rings back on our fingers at some point that weekend too, after being resized, so that'll be nice. Then dinner on Monday -- which it turns out is a national holiday, which is very helpful -- with as many friends as I can muster (should be able to get her boss to help me out with this); I'll cook (she loves it when I cook), and encourage everyone else to bring a bottle/plate of something.
I think I'll ditch the idea of it being a total surprise. She'll get all the weekend goodies without comment, and I'll probably tell her Monday morning what I have in store for the evening. (Since me preparing a meal while she's not at work without being noticed is going to be a little hard to pull off.)
It's a little late for a scavenger hunt, but I'm keeping that one for next year.
Thanks everyone!
posted by nostrich at 4:46 PM on January 12, 2010
I think I'll ditch the idea of it being a total surprise. She'll get all the weekend goodies without comment, and I'll probably tell her Monday morning what I have in store for the evening. (Since me preparing a meal while she's not at work without being noticed is going to be a little hard to pull off.)
It's a little late for a scavenger hunt, but I'm keeping that one for next year.
Thanks everyone!
posted by nostrich at 4:46 PM on January 12, 2010
How about you write a letter, saying how you met, and how it's evolved into something beautiful, and where you are now, complement her on everything she's done, and when she's finished reading it. Say 'I love you'.
posted by Jazzwick at 6:11 PM on January 12, 2010
posted by Jazzwick at 6:11 PM on January 12, 2010
Does it have to be a surprise? People who are practical enough to not want gifts are sometimes practical enough to not enjoy surprises. The dinner at home sounds good but why not tell her that's what you're planning and see if she is pleased with that? (As long as she understands that you're planning to do the work.) Also, is her reason for not wanting gifts because she has all that she needs or is it because the two of you don't have much money and she wants to be sure that none is wasted on something for which the cost outweighs the benefit?
posted by y6t5r4e3w2q1 at 5:14 PM on January 13, 2010
posted by y6t5r4e3w2q1 at 5:14 PM on January 13, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
I did this once and even convinced the librarian at a local library to hold a package containing a set of clues there, with the map leading to the library written with invisible ink on the back of the first clue. The first clue led to the second, which led to the map on the first, and so on and so forth.
Be sure to have a "spoiler" packet or two along the way, just in case a few of the puzzles are too hard to work out.
posted by swashedbuckles at 10:47 AM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]