Facing naysayers of my work decision
January 6, 2010 4:09 AM Subscribe
I quit my job to try starting a business by myself. It feels right, but every day I encounter skepticism from naysayers. It's getting me down. How to mitigate the Debbie Downer effect?
Months ago, I quit my corporate job to attempt to start my own business. I'm going at it alone for the moment, which is scary but also feels in my heart like the right thing. I'm still in an early stage, so it's yet to be seen whether the business will succeed or fail.
The problem is that every day, I encounter people who question this decision. They say things like, "Why did you choose to leave such a great job?" or "How can you stand to work alone? I'd go crazy in your position." or "Haven't you read that the biggest mistake an entrepeneur can make is to be the sole founder?" The people who say this range from friends to former coworkers to strangers at social events.
Hearing this day in and day out is starting to make me lose faith. I'm tired of justifying my decision to people, and of seeing the skepticism in their eyes. However, I don't want to take on a partner until I find someone who's a great fit. Until then, I'd rather work alone.
When I do soul-searching, there is nothing I'd rather do. Imagining myself waking up tomorrow to work on this project makes my heart lift for joy. Imagining waking up to drive to a corporate job or a different startup instills me with dread.
I've tried telling myself that the naysayers are just projecting their own insecurities onto me. A couple of them admitted to feeling jealous because they wish they could do what I did. I've also tried telling myself that it's pointless to think about their critical comments, because I'm not about to give up.
However, it's hard to combat their second-guessing. It's wearing down my optimism over time. I feel like a salmon swimming upstream against the tide of public opinion. I'm becoming afraid of the question, "What do you do?" I wish I could answer it and just have the other person say "Oh cool."
Do I just tough it out and accept this as an occupational hazard of the choice I've made? Or is there anything I can say to the naysayers or to myself, to keep my own spirits high?
Months ago, I quit my corporate job to attempt to start my own business. I'm going at it alone for the moment, which is scary but also feels in my heart like the right thing. I'm still in an early stage, so it's yet to be seen whether the business will succeed or fail.
The problem is that every day, I encounter people who question this decision. They say things like, "Why did you choose to leave such a great job?" or "How can you stand to work alone? I'd go crazy in your position." or "Haven't you read that the biggest mistake an entrepeneur can make is to be the sole founder?" The people who say this range from friends to former coworkers to strangers at social events.
Hearing this day in and day out is starting to make me lose faith. I'm tired of justifying my decision to people, and of seeing the skepticism in their eyes. However, I don't want to take on a partner until I find someone who's a great fit. Until then, I'd rather work alone.
When I do soul-searching, there is nothing I'd rather do. Imagining myself waking up tomorrow to work on this project makes my heart lift for joy. Imagining waking up to drive to a corporate job or a different startup instills me with dread.
I've tried telling myself that the naysayers are just projecting their own insecurities onto me. A couple of them admitted to feeling jealous because they wish they could do what I did. I've also tried telling myself that it's pointless to think about their critical comments, because I'm not about to give up.
However, it's hard to combat their second-guessing. It's wearing down my optimism over time. I feel like a salmon swimming upstream against the tide of public opinion. I'm becoming afraid of the question, "What do you do?" I wish I could answer it and just have the other person say "Oh cool."
Do I just tough it out and accept this as an occupational hazard of the choice I've made? Or is there anything I can say to the naysayers or to myself, to keep my own spirits high?
Maybe give less info when people ask what you've been doing. Don't tell them that you are just starting out. If you sound confident, excited and successful then people may reduce the amount of naysaying. As taff said, nothing succeeds like success.
posted by chiefthe at 4:26 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by chiefthe at 4:26 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
I wish I could answer it and just have the other person say "Oh cool."
Can you make more of an effort to hang out with other current or former entrepreneurs? It doesnt have to be in exactly the same field. You could probably learn a lot from them plus get some valuable experience.
When I was starting my first startup in the 90's one of our venture capitalists hooked us up with other startup founders more as a mutual support group than anything else. Even though our companies had nothing in common we could share tips and grievances on generic stuff like finding office space, finding and hiring good employees, how to reward our sales guys etc.
posted by vacapinta at 4:29 AM on January 6, 2010 [7 favorites]
Can you make more of an effort to hang out with other current or former entrepreneurs? It doesnt have to be in exactly the same field. You could probably learn a lot from them plus get some valuable experience.
When I was starting my first startup in the 90's one of our venture capitalists hooked us up with other startup founders more as a mutual support group than anything else. Even though our companies had nothing in common we could share tips and grievances on generic stuff like finding office space, finding and hiring good employees, how to reward our sales guys etc.
posted by vacapinta at 4:29 AM on January 6, 2010 [7 favorites]
Often when you make a choice other people have not made, they interpret your choice as a criticism of their choice. (This is true for everything from which OS to put on a web server to letting your child cry it out.) So, I suspect these people are mostly defending their choice to remain corporate drones - and really, defending it to themselves and not to you.
That said, you need to make an effort to broaden your horizons and surround yourself with people who's mindset and state of play is more lined up with yours now that you've made this transition. What sector are you in? What about Barcamps and Open Coffee?
posted by DarlingBri at 4:32 AM on January 6, 2010 [15 favorites]
That said, you need to make an effort to broaden your horizons and surround yourself with people who's mindset and state of play is more lined up with yours now that you've made this transition. What sector are you in? What about Barcamps and Open Coffee?
posted by DarlingBri at 4:32 AM on January 6, 2010 [15 favorites]
I would reply " so far the hardest part has been that people make so many negative comments"
posted by InkaLomax at 4:35 AM on January 6, 2010 [23 favorites]
posted by InkaLomax at 4:35 AM on January 6, 2010 [23 favorites]
Often they are a bit envious and probably a bit in awe. I would say... "Yes it's tough, and one day I might be able to offer you a job"
posted by mattoxic at 5:28 AM on January 6, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by mattoxic at 5:28 AM on January 6, 2010 [3 favorites]
Reminds me of a story a coworker once told me. They had an exceptionally well respected colleague who had done amazingly well and quickly risen up the ranks of the organization. He was very polite, very smart, and had a fantastic job. Paid well, didn't have killer hours, and anyone who he told what he did and where he worked would have held the organization and job in very high regard. One day, he up and quit very unexpectedly to go run a small financial institution that no one had ever heard of.
Coworker: "We all stood around and shook our heads in amazement that he would leave his job for something like that. After he left, every few days, someone would say something like, 'I can't believe Bob left.' Everyone, hands down, thought it was the stupidest thing we had ever heard of. Everyone, hands down, thought it was the worst decision anyone could have made. Until the day of the IPO..."
(Interesting aside: Several years later, Bob ended up leaving the company with aboat tanker full of money and coming back to the job he left.)
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 5:31 AM on January 6, 2010
Coworker: "We all stood around and shook our heads in amazement that he would leave his job for something like that. After he left, every few days, someone would say something like, 'I can't believe Bob left.' Everyone, hands down, thought it was the stupidest thing we had ever heard of. Everyone, hands down, thought it was the worst decision anyone could have made. Until the day of the IPO..."
(Interesting aside: Several years later, Bob ended up leaving the company with a
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 5:31 AM on January 6, 2010
Not advice, but an anecdote: I have often been the naysayer in this situation, and I remember several acquaintances who I was sure wouldn't "make it." They all proved me wrong, and now they're off doing the cool things they set out to do while I'm still at my boring "safe" job.
Saying "no" is so, so easy. Anyone can say no. It takes minimal effort and courage to stay with a sure bet. All of your naysayers are essentially advocating sticking with the easy route.
Maybe develop a stock yeah-I-know answer to the criticisms, something like "Well, you might think it's too much of a risk, but this is what I want to do." Or "Yeah, I've heard that so many times, I know it could happen, but this is what I want to do."
There will always be people who will just respond with "Oh yeah? Good luck with that," and mentally add you'll need it; you can't avoid or convince them all. You don't need their approval or faith in order for you to succeed, just your own.
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:35 AM on January 6, 2010 [3 favorites]
Saying "no" is so, so easy. Anyone can say no. It takes minimal effort and courage to stay with a sure bet. All of your naysayers are essentially advocating sticking with the easy route.
Maybe develop a stock yeah-I-know answer to the criticisms, something like "Well, you might think it's too much of a risk, but this is what I want to do." Or "Yeah, I've heard that so many times, I know it could happen, but this is what I want to do."
There will always be people who will just respond with "Oh yeah? Good luck with that," and mentally add you'll need it; you can't avoid or convince them all. You don't need their approval or faith in order for you to succeed, just your own.
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:35 AM on January 6, 2010 [3 favorites]
Only reveal your plans to people who know what they're talking about. Someone who has been there and done the hard work needed and succeeded will have a vastly different opinion to those who've never even tried.
And if they've never even tried, or worse yet, tried, failed and gave up, then they don't know what they're talking about.
The easiest way to avoid negative criticism is to not invite it, which is what you're doing by telling these know-nothings your business.
posted by Solomon at 5:55 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
And if they've never even tried, or worse yet, tried, failed and gave up, then they don't know what they're talking about.
The easiest way to avoid negative criticism is to not invite it, which is what you're doing by telling these know-nothings your business.
posted by Solomon at 5:55 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Perhaps the downers' freak-out factor comes from the fact that you quit your job "in this economic downturn! Oh, the horror!" Cubicle mice can't wrap their heads around a bold move like that.
As I'm sure you've already discovered, there is nothing better than working alone. Never again do you have to hear:
"Cheesecake, how are you coming on that project?"
"Cheesecake, will you step into my office for a moment? We need to talk."
"Cheesecake, we're expecting full participation from this office during our United Way drive. Understand?"
As someone upthead guessed, you may simply be hanging out with the wrong people. Find a more independent, entrepreneurial crowd to have fun with. And I second Solomon the Wise's suggestion to just stop talking about it to every Tom, Dick and Harry.
Do I need to add? You're smart and lucky.
posted by BostonTerrier at 6:16 AM on January 6, 2010 [4 favorites]
As I'm sure you've already discovered, there is nothing better than working alone. Never again do you have to hear:
"Cheesecake, how are you coming on that project?"
"Cheesecake, will you step into my office for a moment? We need to talk."
"Cheesecake, we're expecting full participation from this office during our United Way drive. Understand?"
As someone upthead guessed, you may simply be hanging out with the wrong people. Find a more independent, entrepreneurial crowd to have fun with. And I second Solomon the Wise's suggestion to just stop talking about it to every Tom, Dick and Harry.
Do I need to add? You're smart and lucky.
posted by BostonTerrier at 6:16 AM on January 6, 2010 [4 favorites]
By quitting your safe, corporate job to start your own business, you've already distinguished yourself as being different from 99.99% of the remaining population. Revel in your distinctiveness. You conquered the fear and the golden handcuffs and all the other things that keep people trapped in secure but boring and inconsequential jobs. The naysayers are merely speaking from their own fear. They obviously don't realize (or won't recognize) that you did your due diligence, carefully considered the move, crafted a business plan (even if it's only in your head), and did none of this cavalierly.
My personal favorite anecdote: the friend-of-a-friend I had just met, upon learning that I worked alone in my own small business, asked "Do you make any money at that?" The temerity and ignorance of that question sustained my resolve for quite a while!
posted by DrGail at 6:23 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
My personal favorite anecdote: the friend-of-a-friend I had just met, upon learning that I worked alone in my own small business, asked "Do you make any money at that?" The temerity and ignorance of that question sustained my resolve for quite a while!
posted by DrGail at 6:23 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
DarlingBri is right--people do this about everything (your question took me back to the naysaying I got when I decided to have a second baby! Something so conventional that more than 90% of people do it!). What I learned from that experience is to give people information on a need-to-know basis. So, for instance, when you are out and about and someone asks about your work, you don't say you're in the process of starting a company to do X, you say, "I own a company that does X." And then they do say, "Oh, cool."
I get a lot of "I'd go crazy if I did that" because I am a stay-at-home mom. Sometimes the cheerful but snide-implicit comment in very satisfying. For instance, someone will say, "I couldn't stand to spend all day every day with my kids!" and I might say, "Yeah, but I really like my children." Somewhere in each of those kinds of criticisms is the person's own fear that they couldn't do what you're doing, and if you want you can find that fear and turn it around on them.
posted by not that girl at 6:24 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
I get a lot of "I'd go crazy if I did that" because I am a stay-at-home mom. Sometimes the cheerful but snide-implicit comment in very satisfying. For instance, someone will say, "I couldn't stand to spend all day every day with my kids!" and I might say, "Yeah, but I really like my children." Somewhere in each of those kinds of criticisms is the person's own fear that they couldn't do what you're doing, and if you want you can find that fear and turn it around on them.
posted by not that girl at 6:24 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
When asked what you do at parties and such, just tell people your occupation (if you're so inclined); no need to go into detail about who you work for or the fact that you're just starting out. Then turn the tables and ask them about themselves.
posted by LuckySeven~ at 6:39 AM on January 6, 2010
posted by LuckySeven~ at 6:39 AM on January 6, 2010
Often when you make a choice other people have not made, they interpret your choice as a criticism of their choice. (This is true for everything from which OS to put on a web server to letting your child cry it out.) So, I suspect these people are mostly defending their choice to remain corporate drones - and really, defending it to themselves and not to you.
DarlingBri has it. Maybe not so much the regretting being corporate drones, but the act of defying the herd and striking out on your own. Most people are fearful of change that we cannot control or did not initiate. So it's more like these people are relatively satisfied, believed that you were as well, and get instinctively defensive when they see someone making a choice that is different. Doesn't really matter what their feelings are on it- they could be jealous and envious that they didn't have the good idea that you did, or they could be genuinely happy and proud for you. But that defensiveness is still there.
I've done the same thing. A friend made a career choice that confounded me. Because he seemed to geniunely love his work. (One of those born-a-carpenter people. Just made for it. Worked hard at geometry in high school because he knew he'd be able to use it.) I didn't get the change, and I still don't. Turns out, he loves the new profession even more.
Actually, that is another factor that might be making people act weird. Your making the change was unexpected, and they feel a little uneasy with your relationship. Not positively or negatively, just that uneasiness we feel when someone does something that we didn't think was in their character. "Did I really know this person as well as I thought?..."
Alls I can say is that these people might be downers, but they probably don't wish failure on you.
Hanging around with other entrapeneurs might be a good idea from a networking and sharing of ideas perspective(*), but not from a friendship perspective. Because entrapeneurs tend to be go-it-alone types, and thus are about the least satisfying of the work-friendships. And that crowd will have a higher than normal ratio of "big talker deal maker" defacto scammers. They don't mean to rip you off, it's just that they don't perform as well as they talk.
Good luck!
(*) When hanging around with local entrapeneurs, don't accidentally talk pricing with a competitor. Could be construed as market manipulation.
posted by gjc at 6:39 AM on January 6, 2010 [3 favorites]
DarlingBri has it. Maybe not so much the regretting being corporate drones, but the act of defying the herd and striking out on your own. Most people are fearful of change that we cannot control or did not initiate. So it's more like these people are relatively satisfied, believed that you were as well, and get instinctively defensive when they see someone making a choice that is different. Doesn't really matter what their feelings are on it- they could be jealous and envious that they didn't have the good idea that you did, or they could be genuinely happy and proud for you. But that defensiveness is still there.
I've done the same thing. A friend made a career choice that confounded me. Because he seemed to geniunely love his work. (One of those born-a-carpenter people. Just made for it. Worked hard at geometry in high school because he knew he'd be able to use it.) I didn't get the change, and I still don't. Turns out, he loves the new profession even more.
Actually, that is another factor that might be making people act weird. Your making the change was unexpected, and they feel a little uneasy with your relationship. Not positively or negatively, just that uneasiness we feel when someone does something that we didn't think was in their character. "Did I really know this person as well as I thought?..."
Alls I can say is that these people might be downers, but they probably don't wish failure on you.
Hanging around with other entrapeneurs might be a good idea from a networking and sharing of ideas perspective(*), but not from a friendship perspective. Because entrapeneurs tend to be go-it-alone types, and thus are about the least satisfying of the work-friendships. And that crowd will have a higher than normal ratio of "big talker deal maker" defacto scammers. They don't mean to rip you off, it's just that they don't perform as well as they talk.
Good luck!
(*) When hanging around with local entrapeneurs, don't accidentally talk pricing with a competitor. Could be construed as market manipulation.
posted by gjc at 6:39 AM on January 6, 2010 [3 favorites]
Tell them to STFU and mind their own goddamn business.
posted by purephase at 7:01 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by purephase at 7:01 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Welcome to the wonderful world of running your own business. In my experience this kind of commentary does fade away in time, both because people eventually realise that you've succeeded (mere survival is success) and because of what chiefthe and others have said: don't tell people you've just started out. I know it's tempting, because it's all you think about right now and the start-up nature of it all is so new to you and all that, but just don't. Talk about the business as if you've been running it for years (don't lie but don't go into the details of how hard it is to fulfill the KYC requirements to get your first business credit card when you don't even have 1 month of financial data to supply, never mind 6 months...).
Best of luck to you. (And enjoy turning the table around in two or three years: "what? You took a job with xyz corp? But you hated abc corp and this job will be just the same? haven't you heard that 36% of people hate their jobs? why aren't you running your own company it's the only way to maintain your sanity..." heh heh - I'm joking of course.)
posted by HopStopDon'tShop at 7:06 AM on January 6, 2010
Best of luck to you. (And enjoy turning the table around in two or three years: "what? You took a job with xyz corp? But you hated abc corp and this job will be just the same? haven't you heard that 36% of people hate their jobs? why aren't you running your own company it's the only way to maintain your sanity..." heh heh - I'm joking of course.)
posted by HopStopDon'tShop at 7:06 AM on January 6, 2010
Often when you make a choice other people have not made, they interpret your choice as a criticism of their choice. (This is true for everything from which OS to put on a web server to letting your child cry it out.) So, I suspect these people are mostly defending their choice to remain corporate drones - and really, defending it to themselves and not to you.
Another ditto for DarlingBri! Doing something different causes folks to take stock of their own decisions, and they might not like what they see. You'll hear the most criticism when it's something that they secretly want to do themselves.
Keep in mind that when someone tells you that you can't do something, they're actually saying that they can't do it. They don't know you, your skills, or your resources.
posted by Willie0248 at 7:12 AM on January 6, 2010
Another ditto for DarlingBri! Doing something different causes folks to take stock of their own decisions, and they might not like what they see. You'll hear the most criticism when it's something that they secretly want to do themselves.
Keep in mind that when someone tells you that you can't do something, they're actually saying that they can't do it. They don't know you, your skills, or your resources.
posted by Willie0248 at 7:12 AM on January 6, 2010
I think this is probably related to how you're explaining it. Yes, definitely come up with a stock answer. This stock answer should include a positive at the end of it. For instance: "I've started my own business doing (an oversimplification). It's always been my dream to make a go of doing this on my own, so I am extremely excited and happy about it right now." This clues people in that criticism is not necessarily welcome. Also, keep it simple. If people ask you about funding, security, or other tough topics, just say it's complicated, you're not worried, and you don't want to get into it. If people ask "aren't you worried?" or some other negative question, just say no.
Congratulations! I hope to follow in your footsteps someday.
posted by xammerboy at 7:32 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Congratulations! I hope to follow in your footsteps someday.
posted by xammerboy at 7:32 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Best answer: It's wearing down my optimism over time.
Then build it back up.
You want to jump over a chasm. People around you say it can't be done, or that you'd hurt yourself if you missed. They talk about people who missed. You need to look across the chasm at people on the other side and remember that it can be done by people like you. Read or watch biographies of people who have done well in situations like yours. Try to find role models, people who did the sort of thing you want to do.
Also, set reasonable short-term goals you can meet and then meet them. Every time you reach a goal, consciously acknowledge (and record?) the success.
posted by pracowity at 7:37 AM on January 6, 2010 [7 favorites]
Then build it back up.
You want to jump over a chasm. People around you say it can't be done, or that you'd hurt yourself if you missed. They talk about people who missed. You need to look across the chasm at people on the other side and remember that it can be done by people like you. Read or watch biographies of people who have done well in situations like yours. Try to find role models, people who did the sort of thing you want to do.
Also, set reasonable short-term goals you can meet and then meet them. Every time you reach a goal, consciously acknowledge (and record?) the success.
posted by pracowity at 7:37 AM on January 6, 2010 [7 favorites]
I find that the more confident I am in my unusual or controversial choices, the less likely people are to try and naysay me about it. As a small business owner myself, I've learned that when discussing my business with people who aren't absolute intimates (husband, best friends, etc.), it's best to provide minimal information and to never, ever let on that I'm feeling less than completely secure in my decision (even if inside I'm trembling with fear and worry). When you own your own livelihood, it's very important that you project total confidence and fearlessness. Your image matters and word gets around! The last thing you want is for a potential client to hear that you're not completely secure in your own worth and the quality of your work.
Also, when you divulge information about yourself to someone, you are inviting them to share their opinion. Not discussing it at all, or being more discreet about the details, will keep you from having to defend yourself. This goes for all major life decisions, by the way.
"What do you do?"
*warm smile* "I own a small business that blah blah blah."
Or
"What do you do?"
"I'm a blah blah blah."
"Oh yeah? Where do you work?"
*brightly* "I'm self-employed. It can be tough sometimes but I wouldn't change a thing! So what do you do?"
Don't give people the chance to presume to tell you whether you're going to fail or not. Few people have the balls to look a smiling, confident person in the eye and tell them they're going to fail. Someone who does that is an asshole and doesn't deserve a second thought.
And do not, under any circumstances, take their own weaknesses and fears and naysaying to heart. People who aren't courageous or innovative or resourceful enough to succeed on their own have no idea what you can do or what it takes to do it, and until they try it themselves their input is pretty much worthless. And the best way to boost your own confidence is to prove them wrong by doing well for yourself. You can do this, and you will. Taking that first scary plunge into the deep unknown is by far the hardest part, IMHO.
Congratulations and best wishes to you.
posted by balls at 7:45 AM on January 6, 2010 [3 favorites]
Also, when you divulge information about yourself to someone, you are inviting them to share their opinion. Not discussing it at all, or being more discreet about the details, will keep you from having to defend yourself. This goes for all major life decisions, by the way.
"What do you do?"
*warm smile* "I own a small business that blah blah blah."
Or
"What do you do?"
"I'm a blah blah blah."
"Oh yeah? Where do you work?"
*brightly* "I'm self-employed. It can be tough sometimes but I wouldn't change a thing! So what do you do?"
Don't give people the chance to presume to tell you whether you're going to fail or not. Few people have the balls to look a smiling, confident person in the eye and tell them they're going to fail. Someone who does that is an asshole and doesn't deserve a second thought.
And do not, under any circumstances, take their own weaknesses and fears and naysaying to heart. People who aren't courageous or innovative or resourceful enough to succeed on their own have no idea what you can do or what it takes to do it, and until they try it themselves their input is pretty much worthless. And the best way to boost your own confidence is to prove them wrong by doing well for yourself. You can do this, and you will. Taking that first scary plunge into the deep unknown is by far the hardest part, IMHO.
Congratulations and best wishes to you.
posted by balls at 7:45 AM on January 6, 2010 [3 favorites]
Those are their fears. They probably don't even know how to get a small business loan (I sure don't).
You have a lot of random people on the internet rooting for you. So go you!
posted by anniecat at 7:47 AM on January 6, 2010
You have a lot of random people on the internet rooting for you. So go you!
posted by anniecat at 7:47 AM on January 6, 2010
How are you framing your announcement of your career?
'So, what do you do?'
'Oh, you know, I quit my corporate job to attempt to start my own business.'
or
'So, what do you do?'
'Actually, I've never been happier--I'm running my own business.'
I'm guessing Option 2 will get you at least a few more positive responses since it highlights your happiness (Possible Conversation Follow Up: 'Really? Is being your own boss all it's cracked up to be?') and the fact that you have your own business (versus the attempt to start it).
Plus, you'll get the additional bonus of hearing yourself say that you're happy everytime someone asks.
posted by brambory at 7:53 AM on January 6, 2010
'So, what do you do?'
'Oh, you know, I quit my corporate job to attempt to start my own business.'
or
'So, what do you do?'
'Actually, I've never been happier--I'm running my own business.'
I'm guessing Option 2 will get you at least a few more positive responses since it highlights your happiness (Possible Conversation Follow Up: 'Really? Is being your own boss all it's cracked up to be?') and the fact that you have your own business (versus the attempt to start it).
Plus, you'll get the additional bonus of hearing yourself say that you're happy everytime someone asks.
posted by brambory at 7:53 AM on January 6, 2010
Another vote for "I own a company that does ...." Pretty impressive, even if you are the only employee!
posted by raisingsand at 8:06 AM on January 6, 2010
posted by raisingsand at 8:06 AM on January 6, 2010
An admirable sea of positivity here.
I'm speaking from a position of having done both a corporate gig and a on-my-own consulting gig:
Sometimes the best (if not almost always the best) input on any idea is exactly this sort of criticism. I'd strongly advise that you listen, and listen closely to what you're hearing.
Although, yeah, there are some folks who just love to snark on anything- dismissing all negative opinion as 'debbie downers' is doing yourself a huge disservice. Underlined. Bold. Italics.
Yes- starting a new business is a vulnerable time- suddenly you're 100 % responsible for everything- and I totally understand wanting a lot of positivity. Conversely, now is the time when negative/corrective feedback has the most value: You're designing your operations.
On a personal note- would I really be a good friend if I encouraged a buddy to open his 'BBQ shop of his dreams' in a bad location where a BBQ shop just went out business? (True story.) I say no. I was honest with my friend, he reconsidered, and is researching better locations.
Just saying 'AW YEAH MAN BBQ!!!!!!' would have been a terrible idea, in this particular case.
posted by mrdaneri at 8:19 AM on January 6, 2010
I'm speaking from a position of having done both a corporate gig and a on-my-own consulting gig:
Sometimes the best (if not almost always the best) input on any idea is exactly this sort of criticism. I'd strongly advise that you listen, and listen closely to what you're hearing.
Although, yeah, there are some folks who just love to snark on anything- dismissing all negative opinion as 'debbie downers' is doing yourself a huge disservice. Underlined. Bold. Italics.
Yes- starting a new business is a vulnerable time- suddenly you're 100 % responsible for everything- and I totally understand wanting a lot of positivity. Conversely, now is the time when negative/corrective feedback has the most value: You're designing your operations.
On a personal note- would I really be a good friend if I encouraged a buddy to open his 'BBQ shop of his dreams' in a bad location where a BBQ shop just went out business? (True story.) I say no. I was honest with my friend, he reconsidered, and is researching better locations.
Just saying 'AW YEAH MAN BBQ!!!!!!' would have been a terrible idea, in this particular case.
posted by mrdaneri at 8:19 AM on January 6, 2010
fuck 'em.
i had the same problem when i started freelancing after i got laid off last january. the people that mattered to me (except for one) didn't think i could support myself doing that. it got me down, but i didn't have anything else to do, so i tried to turn it around in my head to want to prove them wrong, that i COULD support myself doing that.
people are jealous of you that you had the balls to strike out on your own--especially in such unsure economic times. they're projecting their insecurities onto you. and, most people like to bring other people down when they're feeling good about themselves (seems to be human nature for some reason).
so, fuck 'em. you know that you did the right thing for you and that you can make a success of your business.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 8:30 AM on January 6, 2010
i had the same problem when i started freelancing after i got laid off last january. the people that mattered to me (except for one) didn't think i could support myself doing that. it got me down, but i didn't have anything else to do, so i tried to turn it around in my head to want to prove them wrong, that i COULD support myself doing that.
people are jealous of you that you had the balls to strike out on your own--especially in such unsure economic times. they're projecting their insecurities onto you. and, most people like to bring other people down when they're feeling good about themselves (seems to be human nature for some reason).
so, fuck 'em. you know that you did the right thing for you and that you can make a success of your business.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 8:30 AM on January 6, 2010
I see your point, mrdaneri, but remember that OP is getting flack from strangers at social events as well as former coworkers and friends. And nowhere does he say he's asking for feedback from people. It sounds like they're just volunteering negativity, which is sadly pretty common.
Getting feedback you've asked for, or hearing from well-meaning and trusted friends that you're doing something stupid, is one thing. Hearing from someone you've just met that you're going to fail is something else entirely. It's already been suggested that he hook up with other entrepreneurs and small business owners for support and criticism, and that's a good suggestion because those people know what they're talking about. But it's pretty unlikely that Jill Martini at the cocktail party is doing anything but projecting her own fears and insecurities onto OP.
posted by balls at 8:32 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Getting feedback you've asked for, or hearing from well-meaning and trusted friends that you're doing something stupid, is one thing. Hearing from someone you've just met that you're going to fail is something else entirely. It's already been suggested that he hook up with other entrepreneurs and small business owners for support and criticism, and that's a good suggestion because those people know what they're talking about. But it's pretty unlikely that Jill Martini at the cocktail party is doing anything but projecting her own fears and insecurities onto OP.
posted by balls at 8:32 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
I don't exactly own my own business, but I encounter the same issue with negativity & unsolicited advice because I'm a writer. What I have learned - and it took me some time - is to learn to not divulge any information I don't want to divulge, and to do it authoritatively and with a smile. When I get "what's your book about?" I say "I'm sorry, I'm terribly superstitious about works in progress, so I don't talk about them" *smile* I still get the kind of louts who say things like "well how do you expect to sell your books if you won't tell people what they're about" and I smile again and say, "well, when it's done and sold i'll be sure to tell you then!" and they grumble some more. i keep smiling and remain calm and refuse to be engaged and they eventually give up. i also get the "but what do you REALLY do" and "you must have something to fall back on" and every other thoughtless comment you could ever imagine. i smile a lot and look for an escape route or change the subject.
now, obviously, if i find out that someone is an editor at a publishing house, i am happy to trot out my elevator pitch, but i learned a long time ago to not tell random people whose input is irrelevant anything i don't want them to know.
nothing attracts more negative comments, more rude and unsolicited feedback, more bad attitude than someone who says they're creative. (well, maybe childrearing gets more) remember you don't have to tell people anything you don't want to tell them.
i'll also quote barbara sher here and say: isolation is the dream killer. network. look on meetup. if there isn't a meetup for new entrepreneurs in your area start one.
posted by micawber at 9:00 AM on January 6, 2010 [4 favorites]
now, obviously, if i find out that someone is an editor at a publishing house, i am happy to trot out my elevator pitch, but i learned a long time ago to not tell random people whose input is irrelevant anything i don't want them to know.
nothing attracts more negative comments, more rude and unsolicited feedback, more bad attitude than someone who says they're creative. (well, maybe childrearing gets more) remember you don't have to tell people anything you don't want to tell them.
i'll also quote barbara sher here and say: isolation is the dream killer. network. look on meetup. if there isn't a meetup for new entrepreneurs in your area start one.
posted by micawber at 9:00 AM on January 6, 2010 [4 favorites]
Most people at one time or another dream of breaking out of their boring corporate life, but never have the guts to do much of anything about it. They set their dreams aside and take the safe route, which when you think about it, isn't really all that safe these days anyway. The comments you are receiving are largely coming from this sort of perspective. Don't worry about what they have to say -- it isn't relevant or helpful.
On the other hand, you may occasionally have a similar sounding conversation with someone who has been there, and is genuinely trying to alert you to some potential pitfalls. Pay attention to these people and learn whatever you can from them. Entrepreneurs tend to recognize their own kind, and are often willing to help out a kindred spirit in ways both large and small. There's value there, but you have to pay attention to recognize it.
Also, as you go on, you will develop answers you can give to common questions that have less of a chance of becoming a detour into negativeland. When someone asks what you do, just say what it is. Say something like, "I'm a chef" instead of "I just left my corporate job and started a my own restaurant." There's no reason to volunteer info about your business structure or corporate past to every random stranger you meet. Keep it simple for most occasions, and go into deeper detail when you feel like it. And when someone goes all negative on you, just say something like, "yeah, it isn't easy, but its what I want to do, I'm having a great time, and I'm learning a lot. If you know anyone that might be in the market for _________, please feel free to give them my name!"
After awhile, when it becomes clear that this is really what you're going to be doing for a living for awhile, you'll get another type of clueless comment on a regular basis. It'll be stuff like, "What do you mean you have to work? You're the boss, of course you can take time off and go to the beach with us!" Again, this is just 'cause most normal people just don't understand what it takes to run your own business. The responsibility, the time commitment, the fact that they get paid vacations, but you don't. They mean well, but people who have never been in your shoes have no real way of understanding what its like.
A favorite that I get a lot for some reason is, "Do you work every day?" Um, yes?
Anyway, I guess that's just a long way of saying that all this stuff is typical. It generally isn't mean spirited or anything like that, its just that your current life adventure is very different from the path that most people choose. So keep at it, keep your chin up, and good luck!
posted by spilon at 9:56 AM on January 6, 2010 [2 favorites]
On the other hand, you may occasionally have a similar sounding conversation with someone who has been there, and is genuinely trying to alert you to some potential pitfalls. Pay attention to these people and learn whatever you can from them. Entrepreneurs tend to recognize their own kind, and are often willing to help out a kindred spirit in ways both large and small. There's value there, but you have to pay attention to recognize it.
Also, as you go on, you will develop answers you can give to common questions that have less of a chance of becoming a detour into negativeland. When someone asks what you do, just say what it is. Say something like, "I'm a chef" instead of "I just left my corporate job and started a my own restaurant." There's no reason to volunteer info about your business structure or corporate past to every random stranger you meet. Keep it simple for most occasions, and go into deeper detail when you feel like it. And when someone goes all negative on you, just say something like, "yeah, it isn't easy, but its what I want to do, I'm having a great time, and I'm learning a lot. If you know anyone that might be in the market for _________, please feel free to give them my name!"
After awhile, when it becomes clear that this is really what you're going to be doing for a living for awhile, you'll get another type of clueless comment on a regular basis. It'll be stuff like, "What do you mean you have to work? You're the boss, of course you can take time off and go to the beach with us!" Again, this is just 'cause most normal people just don't understand what it takes to run your own business. The responsibility, the time commitment, the fact that they get paid vacations, but you don't. They mean well, but people who have never been in your shoes have no real way of understanding what its like.
A favorite that I get a lot for some reason is, "Do you work every day?" Um, yes?
Anyway, I guess that's just a long way of saying that all this stuff is typical. It generally isn't mean spirited or anything like that, its just that your current life adventure is very different from the path that most people choose. So keep at it, keep your chin up, and good luck!
posted by spilon at 9:56 AM on January 6, 2010 [2 favorites]
"Why did you choose to leave such a great job?"
"How can you stand to work alone? I'd go crazy in your position."
"Haven't you read that the biggest mistake an entrepreneur can make is to be the sole founder?"
The people who say this range from friends to former coworkers to strangers at social events.
These are really rude things to say, so you have my permission to stare at these people in slack-jawed amazement, then say. I'm taking a well-considered risk, learning a lot, and having the most fun of my life. It turns out that many people who take this kind of risk experience tremendous personal growth.
or, act as if they're being supportive. Yeah, you're right,
...most people don't have the guts to take such a big step,
...most people don't have the self-discipline to work this way
...most people are more comfortable with an established routine.
and, what balls said. Good luck!
posted by theora55 at 12:37 PM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
"How can you stand to work alone? I'd go crazy in your position."
"Haven't you read that the biggest mistake an entrepreneur can make is to be the sole founder?"
The people who say this range from friends to former coworkers to strangers at social events.
These are really rude things to say, so you have my permission to stare at these people in slack-jawed amazement, then say. I'm taking a well-considered risk, learning a lot, and having the most fun of my life. It turns out that many people who take this kind of risk experience tremendous personal growth.
or, act as if they're being supportive. Yeah, you're right,
...most people don't have the guts to take such a big step,
...most people don't have the self-discipline to work this way
...most people are more comfortable with an established routine.
and, what balls said. Good luck!
posted by theora55 at 12:37 PM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]
Best answer: there is nothing I'd rather do. Imagining myself waking up tomorrow to work on this project makes my heart lift for joy
you are already a success.
posted by any major dude at 12:49 PM on January 6, 2010
you are already a success.
posted by any major dude at 12:49 PM on January 6, 2010
About five years ago, I started my own business. It has succeeded, far beyond any success I could fairly have expected.
The funny thing is, when I see people now, who are just now starting businesses in the exact same field, who are exactly where I was five years ago, I am a naysayer ... I catch myself saying, "that poor fool, it will never work."
Part of it is that I know what I have been through, and I know how much luck was involved in getting my business to work. If I were starting out, I would not count on having the luck that I had.
So --- the point I am trying to make is that it is natural, and even rational, for people to seriously doubt whether your business will succeed. Talk is cheap; I have come to really dislike and distrust people who are "rah rah" with their cheap and easy encouragement, because it costs nothing to offer encouragement and it's often not backed up by a realistic view of the painful obstacles that stand in the way of success. In a way, you ought to be grateful to the people who discourage you, because they are forcing you to take a cold, clear-eyed look at what you are doing.
So, the very first comment is so true ... the only way to shut them up is to succeed.
posted by jayder at 6:16 PM on January 6, 2010
The funny thing is, when I see people now, who are just now starting businesses in the exact same field, who are exactly where I was five years ago, I am a naysayer ... I catch myself saying, "that poor fool, it will never work."
Part of it is that I know what I have been through, and I know how much luck was involved in getting my business to work. If I were starting out, I would not count on having the luck that I had.
So --- the point I am trying to make is that it is natural, and even rational, for people to seriously doubt whether your business will succeed. Talk is cheap; I have come to really dislike and distrust people who are "rah rah" with their cheap and easy encouragement, because it costs nothing to offer encouragement and it's often not backed up by a realistic view of the painful obstacles that stand in the way of success. In a way, you ought to be grateful to the people who discourage you, because they are forcing you to take a cold, clear-eyed look at what you are doing.
So, the very first comment is so true ... the only way to shut them up is to succeed.
posted by jayder at 6:16 PM on January 6, 2010
You need a support group. Are you hooked in with other entrepreneurs in your area? Been to any Ignite! talks, Startup Weekends, or Barcamps? There may be a local economic development office. Try the Chamber of Commerce? A weekly breakfast, lunch talk, or after hours mixer can be very energizing.
posted by at at 11:10 PM on January 6, 2010
posted by at at 11:10 PM on January 6, 2010
Why not smile slyly and simply say, "Yes, it can be difficult for others to understand the heart and soul of an entreprenuer."
That should cool their jets, and I think, simultaneously empower you that what you've just said is true. They simply have no idea, or worse, they are envious, in which case, perhaps a bit of pity is in order.
Books, websites, and support groups that affirm the Entrepreneurial Spirit are also in order. And they abound here on the Internet. One such book that comes to mind is Free Agent Nation.
Many of us on here, including me, support you. Follow your heart. To thine own self be true. "A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?" You only live once (at least, in this body.)
Hope this helps.
posted by SociologistTina at 12:23 AM on February 4, 2010 [2 favorites]
That should cool their jets, and I think, simultaneously empower you that what you've just said is true. They simply have no idea, or worse, they are envious, in which case, perhaps a bit of pity is in order.
Books, websites, and support groups that affirm the Entrepreneurial Spirit are also in order. And they abound here on the Internet. One such book that comes to mind is Free Agent Nation.
Many of us on here, including me, support you. Follow your heart. To thine own self be true. "A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?" You only live once (at least, in this body.)
Hope this helps.
posted by SociologistTina at 12:23 AM on February 4, 2010 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by taff at 4:22 AM on January 6, 2010 [8 favorites]