Hacking away the forest
December 17, 2009 5:14 PM Subscribe
ICan'tBelieveI'mAskingThisFilter: How does your grooming, er, down there affect sex? [Possibly NSFW]
Female and rather inexperienced sexually for my (young/old) age.
I like the feeling of my bits shaved, but it itches like the nine hells if I don't put in a large amount of effort maintaining it (because hair on any part of my body grows like a weed). So usually, I just trim it down and call it a day. If I don't expect sexytimes for a while, sometimes I don't even bother with that. However, the difference between 'au natural' vs. 'trimmed down' has been noted by others (nicely, just as a mention), favouring the latter. I felt a little embarrassed and now put in more effort to trim things up.
This got me wondering: does most women trim, shave, some combination of the two? Wax/epilate (the thought makes me cringe, although I do own an epilator)? Don't give a damn? And while I'm guessing that men probably don't do as much in terms of keeping their junk beautifully bare, they probably do something too, right?
So...male or female: what do you do? Do your partners tend to favour the more bare side of the spectrum, or is it a very individual basis? Does regular grooming affect the actual sex at all?
(FWIW, in a very conservative area where 'sex' is spoken of in euphemisms and weird hand gestures, so it's not like I can outright ask this of someone.)
Female and rather inexperienced sexually for my (young/old) age.
I like the feeling of my bits shaved, but it itches like the nine hells if I don't put in a large amount of effort maintaining it (because hair on any part of my body grows like a weed). So usually, I just trim it down and call it a day. If I don't expect sexytimes for a while, sometimes I don't even bother with that. However, the difference between 'au natural' vs. 'trimmed down' has been noted by others (nicely, just as a mention), favouring the latter. I felt a little embarrassed and now put in more effort to trim things up.
This got me wondering: does most women trim, shave, some combination of the two? Wax/epilate (the thought makes me cringe, although I do own an epilator)? Don't give a damn? And while I'm guessing that men probably don't do as much in terms of keeping their junk beautifully bare, they probably do something too, right?
So...male or female: what do you do? Do your partners tend to favour the more bare side of the spectrum, or is it a very individual basis? Does regular grooming affect the actual sex at all?
(FWIW, in a very conservative area where 'sex' is spoken of in euphemisms and weird hand gestures, so it's not like I can outright ask this of someone.)
To help combat razor burn on your sensitive bits, make sure you're using a fresh razor. I only shave once a week because I don't like the feeling of too much hair. My boyfriend is indifferent, he doesn't care if I shave or not.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 5:29 PM on December 17, 2009
posted by MaryDellamorte at 5:29 PM on December 17, 2009
Guy here, I do nada. I'm not opposed, though regrowth doesn't sound pleasant. I kinda figure if you're getting funky, some hair or no isn't gonna be the prime thing on someone's mind (I hope!), though I would (relatively) happily change it up if requested.
I wouldn't read too much into the compliments; everyone's different, and it may be that someone recognised the trouble you took and wanted to compliment that, rather than the hair issue itself. Or maybe it drove them wild, strokes/folks etc.
I think the main thing is, what feels good for you? Changing it up and feeling incomfortable due to a hypothetical sex partner isn't necessary. Let someone tell you if they have a problem, and in the meantime, do what you feel. :)
posted by smoke at 5:33 PM on December 17, 2009
I wouldn't read too much into the compliments; everyone's different, and it may be that someone recognised the trouble you took and wanted to compliment that, rather than the hair issue itself. Or maybe it drove them wild, strokes/folks etc.
I think the main thing is, what feels good for you? Changing it up and feeling incomfortable due to a hypothetical sex partner isn't necessary. Let someone tell you if they have a problem, and in the meantime, do what you feel. :)
posted by smoke at 5:33 PM on December 17, 2009
I got mine at Target for 20 bucks. He uses it, too. Life is simple again.
posted by phunniemee at 5:40 PM on December 17, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 5:40 PM on December 17, 2009 [3 favorites]
We've already had one suggestion for using baby powder, and it notes that you should not use powder that contains talcum, but doesn't say why that's important. There have been studies that show a link between using talcum powder near the genitals with ovarian cancer. The American Cancer Society recommends using powder with cornstarch and not talcum. A lawsuit was filed against Johnson & Johnson, related to this.
posted by Houstonian at 5:41 PM on December 17, 2009 [4 favorites]
posted by Houstonian at 5:41 PM on December 17, 2009 [4 favorites]
I use a shaver similar to the one that Phunniemee linked to. It's nice because it trims the hair pretty short, but not so short that it's itchy. It makes the stubble prickly for the first few days, but then it's okay.
I'm thinking about buying something like this epilator. I use an epilator on my legs and it's great. (Once you get past, you know, ripping your hair out by the roots.
posted by apricot at 5:49 PM on December 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
I'm thinking about buying something like this epilator. I use an epilator on my legs and it's great. (Once you get past, you know, ripping your hair out by the roots.
posted by apricot at 5:49 PM on December 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
Chick. I don't give a damn. Pretty sure my man-friend doesn't either. In fact, I've had several unrelated conversations with male friends who think the whole idea of women removing the hair-down-there is a little creepy - they've said that hair = adult, no hair = bordering on weird prepubescent fantasy time. I have heard-tell of men with ingrown hair issues who trim a bit here and there, but not in any noticeable way.
posted by chez shoes at 5:54 PM on December 17, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by chez shoes at 5:54 PM on December 17, 2009 [2 favorites]
Use an aluminum based deodorant on the bikini line after shaving to prevent ingrown hairs.
posted by herbaliser at 5:56 PM on December 17, 2009
posted by herbaliser at 5:56 PM on December 17, 2009
All the American women I have known trimmed (most) or shaved/waxed (much less). All the Asian women I have known, without exception, left it natural.
I can't say if this is a broader pattern or just what I have observed. Shrug. My male friends have varied preferences.
I trim.
posted by danny the boy at 5:58 PM on December 17, 2009
I can't say if this is a broader pattern or just what I have observed. Shrug. My male friends have varied preferences.
I trim.
posted by danny the boy at 5:58 PM on December 17, 2009
Well, waxing works for me. You can do a little or a lot, or all of it. I have always done it myself (except for once when treated to a spa experience) and it is not hard to do or necessarily painful. You MUST do it right, as in correct application/removal of the wax, or it could truly be hard and painful! (Be sure to read up on technique and the products you intend to use).
The hair grows back slowly and pretty soft, except for that one 24 h period when there is stubble. And you have to let it grow back (long) enough to do it again.
Use hydrocortisone cream after the wax and shower/bath, and if you have itches in the regrowth period.
I've been both bushy and very hairless. I like being "cleaned up" but I don't think it mattered much to my sex life. Or maybe it did (?)
posted by bebrave! at 6:03 PM on December 17, 2009
The hair grows back slowly and pretty soft, except for that one 24 h period when there is stubble. And you have to let it grow back (long) enough to do it again.
Use hydrocortisone cream after the wax and shower/bath, and if you have itches in the regrowth period.
I've been both bushy and very hairless. I like being "cleaned up" but I don't think it mattered much to my sex life. Or maybe it did (?)
posted by bebrave! at 6:03 PM on December 17, 2009
Oh, and I've heard this "prepubescent fantasy" thing, and it's just a way for someone to project their personal preference (e.g., liking tall vs short girls) as being normalized and universal. Total self serving horse poop.
I mean, it would be pretty ridiculous to describe a woman who likes men without beards as having "prepubescent fantasies."
posted by danny the boy at 6:07 PM on December 17, 2009 [24 favorites]
I mean, it would be pretty ridiculous to describe a woman who likes men without beards as having "prepubescent fantasies."
posted by danny the boy at 6:07 PM on December 17, 2009 [24 favorites]
I trim to the shortest length a cheap electric trimmer (not shaver) will go, but definitely do not shave - it causes me a lot of skin grief if I do.
In my (not statistically valid) experience, about two thirds of women do something (but very few shave right down to the skin), about two thirds of men don't do anything at all. I'm not saying that's right, fair, or necessary for you to follow.
posted by crabintheocean at 6:07 PM on December 17, 2009
In my (not statistically valid) experience, about two thirds of women do something (but very few shave right down to the skin), about two thirds of men don't do anything at all. I'm not saying that's right, fair, or necessary for you to follow.
posted by crabintheocean at 6:07 PM on December 17, 2009
Life goes on and on. Shave and see if you like it. Wax it and see if you like it. Let it grow out all bushy and see if you like it. Trim it a little and see if you like it. If anything happens that you don't like, then don't do it anymore.
It'll grow back, and it's not a big deal. Do what you like and have fun.
I prefer things a little trimmed, but not necessarily bare. Though I've enjoyed the bare thing as well. Variety is the spice of life.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 6:07 PM on December 17, 2009
It'll grow back, and it's not a big deal. Do what you like and have fun.
I prefer things a little trimmed, but not necessarily bare. Though I've enjoyed the bare thing as well. Variety is the spice of life.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 6:07 PM on December 17, 2009
thanks Houstonian - i meant to include a link but didn't. to add to it, the reason to not use medicated powder is OWOWOWOW!
In fact, I've had several unrelated conversations with male friends who think the whole idea of women removing the hair-down-there is a little creepy - they've said that hair = adult, no hair = bordering on weird prepubescent fantasy time.
i've heard this before and i know that some people feel that way, which is fine. however it's important to keep in mind, i think, that whatever way adults want to groom/dress/express their sexuality with other adults is a-ok and liking to be trimmed or shaved and liking your partners trimmed or shaved is not usually a mark of pedophilia leanings.
posted by nadawi at 6:08 PM on December 17, 2009
In fact, I've had several unrelated conversations with male friends who think the whole idea of women removing the hair-down-there is a little creepy - they've said that hair = adult, no hair = bordering on weird prepubescent fantasy time.
i've heard this before and i know that some people feel that way, which is fine. however it's important to keep in mind, i think, that whatever way adults want to groom/dress/express their sexuality with other adults is a-ok and liking to be trimmed or shaved and liking your partners trimmed or shaved is not usually a mark of pedophilia leanings.
posted by nadawi at 6:08 PM on December 17, 2009
It's pretty eye-rolling to me when people assume that shaved/trimmed "should" be the default, which seems to be the prevailing attitude these days. I do nothing, my girlfriend does nothing, and I would prefer any woman I'm with do nothing, but I've never turned my back on a vagina due to trimming.
posted by adamdschneider at 6:15 PM on December 17, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by adamdschneider at 6:15 PM on December 17, 2009 [3 favorites]
You wanna play with the animal, you gotta go through the jungle.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:16 PM on December 17, 2009 [12 favorites]
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:16 PM on December 17, 2009 [12 favorites]
Woman. 28 years old. I like men.
I do no hair related maintenance 99.9% of the time.
Um. That usually includes my legs and pits, but I went indoor rock climbing last night and shaved the legs as a courtesy (in case I, what? fell on someone, I guess.) As noted once already this week, I am single.
Keep the grain of salt from any place you've recently approached with a blade, might sting.
Also, if any guy made fun of any hair choices I made, he would, at the very least, be on some sort of sexy time probation. And get a calm explanation that my hair isn't funny unless I initiate the joke.
posted by bilabial at 6:24 PM on December 17, 2009 [5 favorites]
I do no hair related maintenance 99.9% of the time.
Um. That usually includes my legs and pits, but I went indoor rock climbing last night and shaved the legs as a courtesy (in case I, what? fell on someone, I guess.) As noted once already this week, I am single.
Keep the grain of salt from any place you've recently approached with a blade, might sting.
Also, if any guy made fun of any hair choices I made, he would, at the very least, be on some sort of sexy time probation. And get a calm explanation that my hair isn't funny unless I initiate the joke.
posted by bilabial at 6:24 PM on December 17, 2009 [5 favorites]
"Speaking words of wisdom; let it be."
- some Beatle guy
posted by Max Power at 6:24 PM on December 17, 2009
- some Beatle guy
posted by Max Power at 6:24 PM on December 17, 2009
I use a hair trimmer every now and again, but I really don't associate that with anything sexually required by my husband (or myself), more that it's a little easier to deal with menstruating+sanitary towels when the hair is shorter. And even then, it's really only if I feel like it. If I went swimming in a public place, for instance, I'd trim and shave the bikini line more often, just to fit with the swimming costume. If I lived in a cold climate, I'd bother even less. It's really down to what you feel comfortable with - I don't particular prefer bare/trimmed or completely natural, all and any work for me at different times.
(I mean really, human beings have enough parts of our bodies that we're told we should have issues with. Let's not add the one more thing to the list.)
posted by saturnine at 6:30 PM on December 17, 2009
(I mean really, human beings have enough parts of our bodies that we're told we should have issues with. Let's not add the one more thing to the list.)
posted by saturnine at 6:30 PM on December 17, 2009
Does regular grooming affect the actual sex at all?
It's different with vs without hair. Both are good, but it certainly feels different. (And stubble is awful -- genitals can be many things, but scratchy isn't one of them.) It's the difference of rubbing up on soft bare skin versus rubbing up on soft hair -- both are great, but you aren't going to mistake one for the other.
The great thing about hair is that it grows back, so you can experiment to your heart's desire. Anyone who gives you a bad time about your pubic hair (or lack thereof) is a jerk and doesn't deserve any access to your crotch anyway.
posted by Forktine at 6:50 PM on December 17, 2009
It's different with vs without hair. Both are good, but it certainly feels different. (And stubble is awful -- genitals can be many things, but scratchy isn't one of them.) It's the difference of rubbing up on soft bare skin versus rubbing up on soft hair -- both are great, but you aren't going to mistake one for the other.
The great thing about hair is that it grows back, so you can experiment to your heart's desire. Anyone who gives you a bad time about your pubic hair (or lack thereof) is a jerk and doesn't deserve any access to your crotch anyway.
posted by Forktine at 6:50 PM on December 17, 2009
shaved pussies are a modern phenomenon that somehow became "the norm". old porno pictures show hairy women who I think are much sexier. au natural. some dudes who are raised on porn believe it should be shaved because those are the images they're fed. to me it looks FREAKY.
I (female) sometimes trim and sometimes don't. my man loves it either way.
I definitely think girls should assert their right not to shave, though. Men who expect it shaved due to their porn experiences can get f'd.
posted by beccyjoe at 6:57 PM on December 17, 2009 [2 favorites]
I (female) sometimes trim and sometimes don't. my man loves it either way.
I definitely think girls should assert their right not to shave, though. Men who expect it shaved due to their porn experiences can get f'd.
posted by beccyjoe at 6:57 PM on December 17, 2009 [2 favorites]
women should also assert their right to shave and trim and keep her hair however she wants to. the "it's because of porn!" is just as tired as "you're a pedophile if you like it!"
posted by nadawi at 7:01 PM on December 17, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by nadawi at 7:01 PM on December 17, 2009 [3 favorites]
Does regular grooming affect the actual sex at all?
Completely aside from aesthetic preference, I've found that cunnilingus is easier with trimmed (not necessarily shaved) pubic hair.
posted by ripley_ at 7:02 PM on December 17, 2009
Completely aside from aesthetic preference, I've found that cunnilingus is easier with trimmed (not necessarily shaved) pubic hair.
posted by ripley_ at 7:02 PM on December 17, 2009
Do whatever you like with your own pubes. Totally untrimmed hair can get stuck in a partner's teeth, but that's not the end of the world.
I do a little trimming now and then; the Largely Mythological Husband just lets his freak flag fly; it's all good.
Grooming would only affect most people's sex lives when it went wrong, i.e., if something someone did caused skin irritation or ingrown hairs or chemical burns. But those are mistakes few people make more than once.
posted by Sidhedevil at 7:09 PM on December 17, 2009
I do a little trimming now and then; the Largely Mythological Husband just lets his freak flag fly; it's all good.
Grooming would only affect most people's sex lives when it went wrong, i.e., if something someone did caused skin irritation or ingrown hairs or chemical burns. But those are mistakes few people make more than once.
posted by Sidhedevil at 7:09 PM on December 17, 2009
I'm female. I used to shave all the way, but I got a staph infection from it. Trimming, it works for me. I would say the vast majority of men prefer SOME maintenance, though very few insist on bare skin. If I had to guess, I'd say 30% of men are "whatever, I'm getting laid," 60% are "great, as long as it's not a jungle," 5% are "I hope it's a jungle!" and 5% are "I hope there's no hair at all."
posted by desjardins at 7:18 PM on December 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by desjardins at 7:18 PM on December 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
I shave bikini line, trim the rest. I don't even always shave, but I'm in an LTR, so it's different. Honestly, though, for me, any guy who had a problem with me having pubes is a guy I don't want to sleep with.
posted by ishotjr at 7:19 PM on December 17, 2009
posted by ishotjr at 7:19 PM on December 17, 2009
Woman. I was au naturale until I had a couple of partners who weren't so into that. Hard to see the trees for the forest, yes? Now I wax my bikini line and as close to my lady parts as I can stand. I trim the rest. My husband likes things trimmed - and that's fine by me. Heck, he even helps with the hard to reach bits. But I've also known at least two men to find body hair on women extremely sexy(that's armpits and bush, not moustaches:)).
I wax because shaving really irritates my skin. Plus, this way, I only have to attend to it once every month or two. Afterwards, I put a mixture of powered aspirin, witch hazel and rubbing alcohol on the area. I got that tip from AskMe.
posted by kitcat at 7:23 PM on December 17, 2009 [2 favorites]
I wax because shaving really irritates my skin. Plus, this way, I only have to attend to it once every month or two. Afterwards, I put a mixture of powered aspirin, witch hazel and rubbing alcohol on the area. I got that tip from AskMe.
posted by kitcat at 7:23 PM on December 17, 2009 [2 favorites]
Female here. Sex feels better to me when I'm shaved, personally. I don't care either way what my husband does, but I might feel differently if he were super hairy or something.
posted by Nattie at 7:25 PM on December 17, 2009
posted by Nattie at 7:25 PM on December 17, 2009
Oh, I just realized I didn't even answer your real question. How does the trimmed hair situation affect sex? Once the hair's out of the way, it's possible for the area to get more slippery. Penetration is also easier (yes, I've had this issue when the hair gets really long). And it makes oral sex much easier for the performer. So in my experience, going more bare has been positive.
posted by kitcat at 7:33 PM on December 17, 2009
posted by kitcat at 7:33 PM on December 17, 2009
Am I the only one who thinks that the only reasonable response to below-the-neck hair maintenance is in the realm somewhere between 'Why?' and 'Just Say No!' I don't really get the 'it gets in the way of sex' thing either. Maybe I'm just a bit of a hippie that way, but so be it.
posted by kch at 7:49 PM on December 17, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by kch at 7:49 PM on December 17, 2009 [2 favorites]
My girlfriend shaves completely because she hates dealing with the hair-down-there. I, personally, prefer it when she lets it grow in for a couple days.
posted by InsanePenguin at 8:08 PM on December 17, 2009
posted by InsanePenguin at 8:08 PM on December 17, 2009
Personally, I'm much more likely to want to perform oral sex on my wife if things are at least trimmed down there. It's just more enjoyable for me (and my face) and I think she likes it better too. Normal sex is somewhat better too, but there's not as much of a difference as far as enjoyablness as there is with oral.
I'm not into the creepy (to me) shaved bald thing, but a pretty close trim is nice.
posted by elder18 at 8:09 PM on December 17, 2009
I'm not into the creepy (to me) shaved bald thing, but a pretty close trim is nice.
posted by elder18 at 8:09 PM on December 17, 2009
Don't worry about what other people do. Do whatever makes you comfortable.
I'm a dude. I do appreciate a trim on a lady; it makes administering cunnilingus (which is already great) easier and more enjoyable, and hence even more great. It seems that a lot of guys feel this way—so if you want your guy as enthusiastic as possible about giving head, it's something to consider. (Hopefully he's enthusiastic about pleasing you to begin with, but you understand what I'm saying.)
In general, it's just a little easier to maneuver fingers/tongues/toys/cocks in and around the bits when there isn't a tangled mess of hair in the way. In other words, what kitcat said.
Shaving is fantastic, but by no means expected.
(If you don't want to trim or shave, then by all means, don't trim or shave. It's your body. But please don't listen to the twaddle about "OMG IT'S BECAUSE MEN ARE BRAINWASHED BY PORN".)
For my own part, I usually trim with an electric razor. I have shaved in the past, and I rather like it, but some women don't.
It's really up to you. You may want to consider your partner's preferences, and whether you're willing to accommodate them, but there's no right or wrong here. It's just a hairstyle. Experiment and find out what works for you.
posted by ixohoxi at 8:10 PM on December 17, 2009
I'm a dude. I do appreciate a trim on a lady; it makes administering cunnilingus (which is already great) easier and more enjoyable, and hence even more great. It seems that a lot of guys feel this way—so if you want your guy as enthusiastic as possible about giving head, it's something to consider. (Hopefully he's enthusiastic about pleasing you to begin with, but you understand what I'm saying.)
In general, it's just a little easier to maneuver fingers/tongues/toys/cocks in and around the bits when there isn't a tangled mess of hair in the way. In other words, what kitcat said.
Shaving is fantastic, but by no means expected.
(If you don't want to trim or shave, then by all means, don't trim or shave. It's your body. But please don't listen to the twaddle about "OMG IT'S BECAUSE MEN ARE BRAINWASHED BY PORN".)
For my own part, I usually trim with an electric razor. I have shaved in the past, and I rather like it, but some women don't.
It's really up to you. You may want to consider your partner's preferences, and whether you're willing to accommodate them, but there's no right or wrong here. It's just a hairstyle. Experiment and find out what works for you.
posted by ixohoxi at 8:10 PM on December 17, 2009
Oh, and yes: if you choose to shave, definitely use a brand-new razor.
posted by ixohoxi at 8:12 PM on December 17, 2009
posted by ixohoxi at 8:12 PM on December 17, 2009
girl here.
i prefer it shaved because, like others have said: it feels different. i prefer the feeling of smooth skin. i primarily keep it completely bare, but sometime i leave a little bit of hair. it just depends.
i also prefer if men at least trim. i think it's kind of courtesy just to keep things at least manageable. it doesn't have to be bare or anything at all, but just some upkeep is nice. certainly not a dealbreaker, though.
posted by itsacover at 8:30 PM on December 17, 2009
i prefer it shaved because, like others have said: it feels different. i prefer the feeling of smooth skin. i primarily keep it completely bare, but sometime i leave a little bit of hair. it just depends.
i also prefer if men at least trim. i think it's kind of courtesy just to keep things at least manageable. it doesn't have to be bare or anything at all, but just some upkeep is nice. certainly not a dealbreaker, though.
posted by itsacover at 8:30 PM on December 17, 2009
Honestly, I can't deal with the ingrowing hair. The itchy phase is just too annoying and it's too high maintenance. I have other things to do with my life. Trimming is more than sufficient, because really anyone who's walking through my kitty garden is damn lucky to be there.
posted by DarlingBri at 8:43 PM on December 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by DarlingBri at 8:43 PM on December 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
Female here. I keep the hair on the mons trimmed to an inch, inch-and-a-half or so; it's tidy but I still look like a post-pubertal woman. (That is NOT INTENDED as snark, please note, and I'm not intending any kind of "shaved genitals = pedophilia" connection.) Farther back, I pluck. It's time-consuming but rewards the detail-freaky mildly compulsive side of my personality. It doesn't cause stubble and I don't nick myself while doing it, and I think I get fewer ingrown hairs than shaving.
As for why, it's a combination of hygiene (much less odor in general and especially during my period) and preferring the sensation of smooth skin.
posted by Lexica at 8:43 PM on December 17, 2009
As for why, it's a combination of hygiene (much less odor in general and especially during my period) and preferring the sensation of smooth skin.
posted by Lexica at 8:43 PM on December 17, 2009
Response by poster: I find certain activities are way, way better if kept shaved/waxed, so I do those. It can be a pain in the butt, though.
posted by Anonymous at 8:46 PM on December 17, 2009
posted by Anonymous at 8:46 PM on December 17, 2009
Response by poster: (Also, all of my partners have been pleasantly surprised by it. So I haven't been with anyone yet who's preferred it natural).
posted by Anonymous at 8:47 PM on December 17, 2009
posted by Anonymous at 8:47 PM on December 17, 2009
guy here, shave myself, prefer my partners bare but accept that the current g/f only trims because shaving makes her itchy. To me, the less hair the better, as i really don't like hair in my mouth, wiping bare skin clean is much easier than trying to clean a hairy mess, and skin on skin feels way better than hair on hair.
posted by mrgoldenbrown at 9:15 PM on December 17, 2009
posted by mrgoldenbrown at 9:15 PM on December 17, 2009
Men who expect it shaved due to their porn experiences can get f'd.
posted by beccyjoe
Two of the last three females I've dated were shaved. I never asked for it. And if I had asked them to grow it out, they would have refused. They liked the feeling of being bare. It had nothing to do with men. And maybe years back porn was a major influence. It's not any longer.
In fact, I've had several unrelated conversations with male friends who think the whole idea of women removing the hair-down-there is a little creepy - they've said that hair = adult, no hair = bordering on weird prepubescent fantasy time.
posted by chez shoes
Why are your friends thinking of weird prepubescent fantasies? Creepy! Seriously, that idea is so old and ignorant that I thought it had finally gone away. If you need hair on the vagina to keep you from thinking of a child you need therapy at once.
posted by Dennis Murphy at 9:29 PM on December 17, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by beccyjoe
Two of the last three females I've dated were shaved. I never asked for it. And if I had asked them to grow it out, they would have refused. They liked the feeling of being bare. It had nothing to do with men. And maybe years back porn was a major influence. It's not any longer.
In fact, I've had several unrelated conversations with male friends who think the whole idea of women removing the hair-down-there is a little creepy - they've said that hair = adult, no hair = bordering on weird prepubescent fantasy time.
posted by chez shoes
Why are your friends thinking of weird prepubescent fantasies? Creepy! Seriously, that idea is so old and ignorant that I thought it had finally gone away. If you need hair on the vagina to keep you from thinking of a child you need therapy at once.
posted by Dennis Murphy at 9:29 PM on December 17, 2009 [3 favorites]
I prefer trimmed (not perfectly sculpted, just not wilderness) both for myself and partners. Just like I prefer my own and my partner's hair on the head to be not-a-crazy-hermit mess. Bald is an option, I guess, but I have no interest in that especially.
posted by ctmf at 10:21 PM on December 17, 2009
posted by ctmf at 10:21 PM on December 17, 2009
I want to second that the bare = pedophillic notion is horseshit. If a man is looking at me nude -- a grown women with ass, hips, breasts and my best "hey babby" smile -- the last thing he is thinking about is a "weird prepubescent fantasy". If the first thing you think about when you see a woman's bare vagina is a little girl, then you need to stop looking at little girls and get help.
As for what I do and when, it's totally dependent on mood. If I knew my partner really preferred a certain thing then I'd do that, but for the most part what I do with my pubic hair is up to me and my personal whims. I think it feels better to be completely bare, but I also like a little hair on top for a more natural look. Not the "landing strip" but a larger, more triangle-shaped tuft area. When I do wax, the key is to stay dedicated with monthly appointments and using powder before and after. There is definitely something to be said for the added sensation you get from having a hairless vulva - quite simply, more exposed surface area means more area to pleasure. But it's not like just being trimmed or natural makes sex any less awesome. Rule of thumb, I think you should definitely NOT do anything that makes you cringe more than it excites you (using an epilator on yourself is definitely an ends not worth the means situation, professional waxing less so).
posted by Juicy Avenger at 10:25 PM on December 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
As for what I do and when, it's totally dependent on mood. If I knew my partner really preferred a certain thing then I'd do that, but for the most part what I do with my pubic hair is up to me and my personal whims. I think it feels better to be completely bare, but I also like a little hair on top for a more natural look. Not the "landing strip" but a larger, more triangle-shaped tuft area. When I do wax, the key is to stay dedicated with monthly appointments and using powder before and after. There is definitely something to be said for the added sensation you get from having a hairless vulva - quite simply, more exposed surface area means more area to pleasure. But it's not like just being trimmed or natural makes sex any less awesome. Rule of thumb, I think you should definitely NOT do anything that makes you cringe more than it excites you (using an epilator on yourself is definitely an ends not worth the means situation, professional waxing less so).
posted by Juicy Avenger at 10:25 PM on December 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
I wax the whole nine yards and love it. Have been waxing for years and do it for myself more than my partner, who is wise enough to be appreciative and admiring of whatever I do. The increased surface area of bare skin significantly increases my mojo and makes me a very happy camper.
posted by arnicae at 11:01 PM on December 17, 2009
posted by arnicae at 11:01 PM on December 17, 2009
My opinion is twofold (no pun intended):
1- Whiskers/stubble is not sexy on anyone. A few days' growth (beard, legs or pubic area) is softish and velvety. A few hours growth is prickly and unnerving and makes for raw spots on the partner after some heavy action. (Like that oh-so-sexy red mouth one gets after a makeout session with someone with stubble.) So I'd say that if bald is what one is going for, waxing is probably more preferable.
2- Pure preference on my part, but I like the aesthetics of edging more than just knocking it all down to an eighth of an inch. To shift to a more comfortable landscaping analogy, crabgrass is crabgrass no matter how long it is. A lawn looks unkempt when it spills onto the sidewalk, and looks silly when there is a big gap between the sidewalk and the lawn.
Males and females alike (in my experience) don't like to eat hair. So if you want it licked, keep it trimmed. Beyond that, the world is your oyster.
Oh, and there's nothing more ridiculous looking than a hairy dude with a circle of bald pube. Just say no.
posted by gjc at 12:03 AM on December 18, 2009 [1 favorite]
1- Whiskers/stubble is not sexy on anyone. A few days' growth (beard, legs or pubic area) is softish and velvety. A few hours growth is prickly and unnerving and makes for raw spots on the partner after some heavy action. (Like that oh-so-sexy red mouth one gets after a makeout session with someone with stubble.) So I'd say that if bald is what one is going for, waxing is probably more preferable.
2- Pure preference on my part, but I like the aesthetics of edging more than just knocking it all down to an eighth of an inch. To shift to a more comfortable landscaping analogy, crabgrass is crabgrass no matter how long it is. A lawn looks unkempt when it spills onto the sidewalk, and looks silly when there is a big gap between the sidewalk and the lawn.
Males and females alike (in my experience) don't like to eat hair. So if you want it licked, keep it trimmed. Beyond that, the world is your oyster.
Oh, and there's nothing more ridiculous looking than a hairy dude with a circle of bald pube. Just say no.
posted by gjc at 12:03 AM on December 18, 2009 [1 favorite]
Do most women...?
There was a little tidbit published in Esquire magazine a few years ago that confirmed my suspicions: this is pretty closely tied to age. Young women, yes, and the younger the more likely it was that they did some sort of pubic hair grooming; older, not so much, and the older, the less likely.
I am only in my thirties but it seems odd to me and certainly not part of my generation. I haven't known any pubic-grooming lads, either.
posted by kmennie at 3:11 AM on December 18, 2009
There was a little tidbit published in Esquire magazine a few years ago that confirmed my suspicions: this is pretty closely tied to age. Young women, yes, and the younger the more likely it was that they did some sort of pubic hair grooming; older, not so much, and the older, the less likely.
I am only in my thirties but it seems odd to me and certainly not part of my generation. I haven't known any pubic-grooming lads, either.
posted by kmennie at 3:11 AM on December 18, 2009
The other anachronism finds hairless to be ultracreepy and kinda ick for the actual sex acts (including oral). He's rather more of a fan of hair and doesn't give a hoot about trimmed or not, as long as it isn't spiky. I have to agree with him on the ick factor for sex when hairless, I don't care for it and I certainly don't find clean up harder when hairy. I use a diva cup so I don't get issues with menstrual blood and even when I used pads it wasn't that much of a problem. Mostly I intensely dislike the way hairless feels during/after sex. Hairless male genitals freak me out a lot due to unfortunate associations for me, so we're both jungle like.
Hell, I only shaved my underarms because summer hit and the baby kept grabbing handfuls.
Plus, the other anachronism doesn't generally lick the places with hair.
posted by geek anachronism at 3:24 AM on December 18, 2009
Hell, I only shaved my underarms because summer hit and the baby kept grabbing handfuls.
Plus, the other anachronism doesn't generally lick the places with hair.
posted by geek anachronism at 3:24 AM on December 18, 2009
Woman. I've been on all ends of the spectrum in regards to hair. My partner prefers bare, but doesn't really care, either--and doesn't do any grooming down there, so he isn't really in a position to complain. There have been times when I kept things totally bald--there have been years when I didn't touch it. Keeping things completely bare was time consuming and uncomfortable. These days, I probably shave it off about once a season, and let it grow back slowly. I prefer close-cropped hair, so-to-speak, but it's too much work to maintain it that way.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 5:18 AM on December 18, 2009
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 5:18 AM on December 18, 2009
Woman. I shave all the hair on the labia, and vulva, etc., and trim the hair on the mons pubis a bit. It used to take me forever but now it's such a part of my routine that I'm quite used to it. Nthing the dusting powder, it really helps with itching and irritation.
I shave partially because I can feel sensation more acutely when I do-- not so much with penetrative sex but definitely with oral and manual stimulation. I also like the feeling of bare skin down there, and I especially love walking around in ordinary clothes freshly shaved-- I can feel the difference in terms of how cloth rubs against my skin, and it's like having a tiny little happy-making secret. I don't need to shave, hair is fine and I've definitely gone without when pressed for time or traveling, etc., but it's a small luxury and a "me-time" thing, like taking a bath or painting my nails or drinking a really good cuppa.
FWIW, my man also grooms-- mostly trims and neatens the hedges, as it were, although he has gone entirely bare before.
posted by WidgetAlley at 5:43 AM on December 18, 2009
I shave partially because I can feel sensation more acutely when I do-- not so much with penetrative sex but definitely with oral and manual stimulation. I also like the feeling of bare skin down there, and I especially love walking around in ordinary clothes freshly shaved-- I can feel the difference in terms of how cloth rubs against my skin, and it's like having a tiny little happy-making secret. I don't need to shave, hair is fine and I've definitely gone without when pressed for time or traveling, etc., but it's a small luxury and a "me-time" thing, like taking a bath or painting my nails or drinking a really good cuppa.
FWIW, my man also grooms-- mostly trims and neatens the hedges, as it were, although he has gone entirely bare before.
posted by WidgetAlley at 5:43 AM on December 18, 2009
Female here. I've had a partner that was super into completely bare skin, and every so often (for like, a birthday or special occasion) I would get out a new razor and go for it. He liked it. It was a neat feeling and I found it was easier to be more extroverted. However, my hair grows back like an Amazon rainforest and I would never exert that kind of energy in keeping the style maintained - too much irritation and constant shaving.
Right now, my partner is more 'meh'. He prefers that the hair doesn't get too crazy, so I keep the bush part and the lower bits trimmed. I use scissors probably about every three or four days. I should get an electric razor but have been putting it off. I do it more for myself because I get a little bit self conscious when the hair is longer than normal.
My partners have shaved occasionally right now to the skin, but that was more experimental than anything else. Usually it's trimmed but sometimes it just grows right out. Honestly, I don't notice in any case so I never mention it. It's irrelevant.
posted by amicamentis at 6:11 AM on December 18, 2009
Right now, my partner is more 'meh'. He prefers that the hair doesn't get too crazy, so I keep the bush part and the lower bits trimmed. I use scissors probably about every three or four days. I should get an electric razor but have been putting it off. I do it more for myself because I get a little bit self conscious when the hair is longer than normal.
My partners have shaved occasionally right now to the skin, but that was more experimental than anything else. Usually it's trimmed but sometimes it just grows right out. Honestly, I don't notice in any case so I never mention it. It's irrelevant.
posted by amicamentis at 6:11 AM on December 18, 2009
Another Female here.
True story: My mom lives in So Cal. One of her friends, 75, was told by her daughters that for a visit to the gyno she HAD to shave because he would expect it! "Everyone shaves in this day and age and not to do so would be weird."
I don't. I don't even trim but I have very fine, very soft hair and my partner likes touching it and stroking it. I have, as a birthday treat, surprised him by going bald, and it was exciting and fun but we both agreed that au natural is best. On rare occasions when I feel like it, I just lightly run a razor over the top-- this trims it without getting down to bare skin. I don't see much evidence of it getting in the way of oral sex--parting the bush is a form of foreplay-- and neither of us are overly bothered by loose hairs.
So I suppose it is a question of how much you have, how your partner feels about it, and how much maintenance you want to put in.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:20 AM on December 18, 2009 [1 favorite]
True story: My mom lives in So Cal. One of her friends, 75, was told by her daughters that for a visit to the gyno she HAD to shave because he would expect it! "Everyone shaves in this day and age and not to do so would be weird."
I don't. I don't even trim but I have very fine, very soft hair and my partner likes touching it and stroking it. I have, as a birthday treat, surprised him by going bald, and it was exciting and fun but we both agreed that au natural is best. On rare occasions when I feel like it, I just lightly run a razor over the top-- this trims it without getting down to bare skin. I don't see much evidence of it getting in the way of oral sex--parting the bush is a form of foreplay-- and neither of us are overly bothered by loose hairs.
So I suppose it is a question of how much you have, how your partner feels about it, and how much maintenance you want to put in.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:20 AM on December 18, 2009 [1 favorite]
Female. I do nothing unless I have to go swimming and don't want to bush out the sides of my suit.
When my partner first saw me naked, he was pretty pleased (his previous partner did everything else like a 12-year-old girl, so I'm guessing her parts followed that pattern... ew), and he told me so. I'm in my early 30s, and (like others have mentioned above) I use a Diva Cup, so getting menstrual blood in the hair isn't an issue.
posted by Madamina at 8:34 AM on December 18, 2009 [1 favorite]
When my partner first saw me naked, he was pretty pleased (his previous partner did everything else like a 12-year-old girl, so I'm guessing her parts followed that pattern... ew), and he told me so. I'm in my early 30s, and (like others have mentioned above) I use a Diva Cup, so getting menstrual blood in the hair isn't an issue.
posted by Madamina at 8:34 AM on December 18, 2009 [1 favorite]
I am a fella, and I generally appreciate some grooming down there. Personally I like a nice a landing strip, but it I really cannot stress enough how much it varies from woman to woman.
An ex who I was with for quite a while refused to use a razor down there primarily due to the whole itchy stubble problem, which is no fun for anyone. She waxed, others shaved, it really depends on what works for you as it is your vagina after all.
posted by BobbyDigital at 9:37 AM on December 18, 2009
An ex who I was with for quite a while refused to use a razor down there primarily due to the whole itchy stubble problem, which is no fun for anyone. She waxed, others shaved, it really depends on what works for you as it is your vagina after all.
posted by BobbyDigital at 9:37 AM on December 18, 2009
Male, and my long-time SO is female. We share the following philosophy:
Paying attention to what is going on down there is good, even if it takes time, even if it can get a bit itchy if time gets away from us, even if it is kinda a hassle. Because part of this is about routine body maintenance, but hey...it's also about sexiness. And the day it comes down to pure maintenance may be inevitable, but we are fighting that day's arrival.
I love paying attention to her body. Exploring it and knowing it. I love thinking about it and anticipating my time enjoying it. Sometimes it's so smooth and slickery that everything seems electrically sensitive. Sometimes it's "the woogy" which results in the same comfortable sexy feeling that flannel pj's can evoke. But whatever it is, we embrace the maintenance, embrace the effort to please each other. She knows I will trim mine into a little heart for her just to get a laugh and for her to know it's completely hers. I'll shave it all off, or get all scruffy. Whatever she wants.
Because ya gotta fan the flame. We want to keep doing the things (however small and insignificant they end up being) to be aware of what makes us attractive to each other. We welcome the opportunity to draw attention to the bits, whether it be the "new," tingly, private feeling of a fresh close shave, or purposefully letting it grow for the surprise trim to follow.
It's absolutely practical to look at it in a more pedestrian way, to be sure. But personally, I think it's kinda a shame. Plus, practically speaking, nothing that happens down there is made better by adding a side dish of hair. Of course, YMMV.
posted by nickjadlowe at 9:53 AM on December 18, 2009 [3 favorites]
Paying attention to what is going on down there is good, even if it takes time, even if it can get a bit itchy if time gets away from us, even if it is kinda a hassle. Because part of this is about routine body maintenance, but hey...it's also about sexiness. And the day it comes down to pure maintenance may be inevitable, but we are fighting that day's arrival.
I love paying attention to her body. Exploring it and knowing it. I love thinking about it and anticipating my time enjoying it. Sometimes it's so smooth and slickery that everything seems electrically sensitive. Sometimes it's "the woogy" which results in the same comfortable sexy feeling that flannel pj's can evoke. But whatever it is, we embrace the maintenance, embrace the effort to please each other. She knows I will trim mine into a little heart for her just to get a laugh and for her to know it's completely hers. I'll shave it all off, or get all scruffy. Whatever she wants.
Because ya gotta fan the flame. We want to keep doing the things (however small and insignificant they end up being) to be aware of what makes us attractive to each other. We welcome the opportunity to draw attention to the bits, whether it be the "new," tingly, private feeling of a fresh close shave, or purposefully letting it grow for the surprise trim to follow.
It's absolutely practical to look at it in a more pedestrian way, to be sure. But personally, I think it's kinda a shame. Plus, practically speaking, nothing that happens down there is made better by adding a side dish of hair. Of course, YMMV.
posted by nickjadlowe at 9:53 AM on December 18, 2009 [3 favorites]
related threads.
It seemed to me that over the last decade, less hair became more common - completely bald was definitely considered creepy back when I was in college, and these days it's entirely normal, not the only way to go, but certainly an option and generally culturally preferred to, for instance, doing nothing at all.
Once you settle down with a partner, or so long as you're single, your choice is entirely yours; if you are seriously interested in dating, the choice is, of course, still yours, but you will be aware that people will make assumptions based on what choice you make. Not trimming, or not trimming enough, will be understood in the same vein as not wearing make-up or skirts or trying to pay for dinner or whatever. It won't have the same exact meaning to everyone or necessarily be a huge thing, but it could easily communicate something (perhaps about rejecting cultural standards) whereas at one time, pubic hair was just pubic hair, and there wasn't really an expectation to fuss with it (beyond maybe a bikini line).
posted by mdn at 2:34 PM on December 18, 2009 [1 favorite]
It seemed to me that over the last decade, less hair became more common - completely bald was definitely considered creepy back when I was in college, and these days it's entirely normal, not the only way to go, but certainly an option and generally culturally preferred to, for instance, doing nothing at all.
Once you settle down with a partner, or so long as you're single, your choice is entirely yours; if you are seriously interested in dating, the choice is, of course, still yours, but you will be aware that people will make assumptions based on what choice you make. Not trimming, or not trimming enough, will be understood in the same vein as not wearing make-up or skirts or trying to pay for dinner or whatever. It won't have the same exact meaning to everyone or necessarily be a huge thing, but it could easily communicate something (perhaps about rejecting cultural standards) whereas at one time, pubic hair was just pubic hair, and there wasn't really an expectation to fuss with it (beyond maybe a bikini line).
posted by mdn at 2:34 PM on December 18, 2009 [1 favorite]
I shave the boys ~once every 2-3 days, as needed, as well as the base of Lil Broom. One lover started it; every since has either expressed no preference, or preferred the sac bare. If it even gets a lover's tongue down there one more time in my life...!
Can't stand the thought of offering a lover a stubbly playground, but... a lover recently commented (as she approached orgasm, riding cowgirl) that my stubble (whoops!) was what was bringing her to climax.
Given the circumstances, I was happy for her, but I'm still not going to grow a stubbly garden down there.
posted by IAmBroom at 8:25 PM on December 20, 2009
Can't stand the thought of offering a lover a stubbly playground, but... a lover recently commented (as she approached orgasm, riding cowgirl) that my stubble (whoops!) was what was bringing her to climax.
Given the circumstances, I was happy for her, but I'm still not going to grow a stubbly garden down there.
posted by IAmBroom at 8:25 PM on December 20, 2009
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i trim (beard trimmer, no guard) and shave around the area. most of my partners have done the same. bald or natural isn't a deal breaker for me, but i think i prefer trimmed.
to combat the itching, right after you trim, when you're all dry, pat yourself down with corn starch or baby powder (one that doesn't contain talc (talcum) and NOT "medicated powder") and gently rub it into all the folds so no bare or freshly trimmed hairs can rub up against/stick (do it over a towel so you don't have to worry about the mess). do this the first two or three days after trimming. learning that was a godsend to me. it makes all the difference in the world. in the tmi category, i also stopped trimming the top of my bush and only trim my lips - so a bush on top for padding, and no hair to get in the way around my vulva. it takes a little more time, but it gets less itchy overall.
posted by nadawi at 5:23 PM on December 17, 2009