How should we tell our families we're engaged?

November 30, 2009 5:22 PM

Help us announce our obviously-premeditated engagement in the best way possible.

Boy and I are getting married! I graduate from college in a few weeks. Since I live a block from the graduation ceremony we're celebrating right after the ceremony with food and drinks at my place. My entire family will be there and part of his! (Mom, Dad, Gma and Gpa, all of my mom's 5 other siblings, and all 16 cousins along with Boy's mom, dad, and brother)

How do we announce it? The catch is that we're not really into the whole hetero-normative thing and since I wanted a ring we got him one too! Plus for all practical purposes, if there WAS going to be someone getting down on one knee it would probably be me proposing to him. But we don't want to do that. So, hive mind, how should we announce it? My best plan right now is to awkwardly get on a chair while everyone is cramped into my tiny apartment, thank them for coming, and say something along the lines of "Boy and I are happy to say we're engaged!" and then pull the rings out of pockets and call it a day. This idea sucks!

We don't need anything romantic, and we don't want anything that involves proposing in front of everyone else. Give us your AWESOME "zomg we're engaged!" ideas!

posted by anonymous to Grab Bag (8 answers total)

We passed a note around the dinner table (his entire extended family had gotten together) to announce my pregnancy -- it was actually pretty hilarious.
posted by oh really at 5:27 PM on November 30, 2009 [8 favorites]

Some cool ideas in this thread.
posted by Paragon at 5:29 PM on November 30, 2009

I would consider separating the graduation from the engagement in some small way, even if it's waiting until the graduation party is almost over to make a "final announcement".

Or you could tie it in directly, along the lines of announcing towards the beginning of the party "Thank you all for coming and celebrating a milestone in my [and Boy's?] life. I hope your evening is wonderful, and please enjoy the refreshments and company. There's another milestone I'd like to share with you, though. Back in September, Boy and I got to talking, and it's my pleasure to tell you all that we're engaged."

Also, you didn't mention who's in the know, but I'd suggest at the very least telling your mothers and fathers beforehand.
posted by Picklegnome at 5:55 PM on November 30, 2009

Or something along those lines. Please don't take oratory advice from me.
posted by Picklegnome at 5:57 PM on November 30, 2009

My dude and I had a similar premeditated engagement. i just started wearing the ring and then told our friends and family as it sort of occurred to us - we told our parents the week before I got a ring, when we had decided to get engaged, and told our friends that night or later on, as we saw them. None of my friends have had a big proposal in front of their friends and family, so this model is pretty entrenched in our social group.
posted by muddgirl at 6:15 PM on November 30, 2009

We were engaged for I guess a year or so before we told anyone but our closest friends. The hippy didn't want a ring so that made things easier as far as being engaged and not drawing attention to it in a big sort of lay it all out there kind of way....we just sort of up and told the family at Christmas dinner.
posted by iamabot at 9:08 PM on November 30, 2009

I suggest a game of Telephone.
posted by so_gracefully at 10:45 PM on November 30, 2009

This question is confusing me.

Why would you even consider "getting down on one knee" in front of your family? I have never heard of that. You're announcing your engagement, there is no reason to re-stage the proposal.

Also, in my experience both partners wearing rings is totally conventional, so when you call that "a catch," I don't know what you mean.

Here's how this is usually handled: you both tell your close family members in advance. They are free to tell other people if they want: it's not a secret. Then the public announcement is a formality -- most/many people already know. This minimizes the potential for awkward, surprised reactions, which is a good thing.
posted by Susan PG at 8:36 AM on December 1, 2009 [1 favorite]