What sexy things to do when all you do is have sex
December 27, 2008 8:13 PM Subscribe
What are some non-sexual (as in intercourse, oral, or other bedroomy stuff) yet sexy, creative things to do with your mate that aren't corny, cliche and obvious?
Most of anything my partner and I do that is considered "sexy" is, well, sex, and we'd like to broaden our horizons to include other activities that don't involve the actual act of sex, but are sexy in nature and devised to eventually lead up to sex.
Most of what you read seems cliche. We're not the type to who can dim the lights, play some soft music, and pour some wine, without laughing. That's good for comic relief (an important aspect in a sexual relationship, no doubt), but not what really gets us in the mood.
For instance, what do people do when they were lingerie? Sit around in it for a few hours? Any time we've done that, the lingerie is off in a few minutes.
Most of anything my partner and I do that is considered "sexy" is, well, sex, and we'd like to broaden our horizons to include other activities that don't involve the actual act of sex, but are sexy in nature and devised to eventually lead up to sex.
Most of what you read seems cliche. We're not the type to who can dim the lights, play some soft music, and pour some wine, without laughing. That's good for comic relief (an important aspect in a sexual relationship, no doubt), but not what really gets us in the mood.
For instance, what do people do when they were lingerie? Sit around in it for a few hours? Any time we've done that, the lingerie is off in a few minutes.
Mess around at a party. There's too many people around to actually go at it, but there's all sorts of danger involved in sneaking to hidden corners, and lots of "oh, when I get you home" impatience.
posted by Juliet Banana at 8:34 PM on December 27, 2008 [3 favorites]
posted by Juliet Banana at 8:34 PM on December 27, 2008 [3 favorites]
Learn how to waltz.
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:36 PM on December 27, 2008
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:36 PM on December 27, 2008
Share your gum. Secretly, in public. Disguised as a quick kiss, pass it over with your tongue. Very, very hot.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 8:53 PM on December 27, 2008 [3 favorites]
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 8:53 PM on December 27, 2008 [3 favorites]
Fingerpainting.
posted by infinitewindow at 8:55 PM on December 27, 2008
posted by infinitewindow at 8:55 PM on December 27, 2008
If you have similar tastes in literature, read to each other. I find it relaxing and fun, especially when taking turns. I have done this with alternating chapters in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but, um, you know, to each his own.
posted by rachaelfaith at 8:58 PM on December 27, 2008 [7 favorites]
posted by rachaelfaith at 8:58 PM on December 27, 2008 [7 favorites]
Following up Juliet Banana's suggestion and your question about lingerie....wear something sexy or crazy to a party, under your normal clothes and then give your partner a quick peek or feel of it so they there is something to think about and wait impatiently for.
Cook something fun and feed each other. Long baths with scented oils and candles. Massage. Strip poker. Truth or Dare. Um, these are all pretty basic but maybe it will get you started.
posted by kenzi23 at 9:02 PM on December 27, 2008
Cook something fun and feed each other. Long baths with scented oils and candles. Massage. Strip poker. Truth or Dare. Um, these are all pretty basic but maybe it will get you started.
posted by kenzi23 at 9:02 PM on December 27, 2008
Spend an evening cooking and eating a meal together, in silence. Continue on to whatever other activities you want, but still in silence. Your other senses will get very highly activated.
posted by alms at 9:10 PM on December 27, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by alms at 9:10 PM on December 27, 2008 [2 favorites]
I think that there are two ways to use lingerie. One is the way you have been doing -- where the lingerie is simply a signal and gets ripped off immediately. The other, though, is maybe more what you are looking for, where you use the lingerie as a tool to expand "sex" into something much longer and more complicated than just the humping.
So you do something like when you are at the dinner with the inlaws, and he leans over and whispers that he's wearing that special lime-green banana-hammock that makes you all tingly. It's fun precisely because you can't do anything about it at the dinner -- but knowing he's wearing it creates tension and anticipation hours ahead so that when you finally reach the bedroom you aren't trying to go from 0 to 60; it's more like going from 60 to 90.
That's half of it, I think, the creation of sexual tension throughout your day. It just takes experimentation -- what is cliche for one person is incredibly hot for someone else. And while certainly you find the smoooooth jazz and dimmed lighting to be giggle-inducing, by the same token surely there is some combination of music, lighting, and atmosphere that does turn you on, right? So be honest to yourself, but don't get so caught up in being so painfully ironic at every turn that you can't enjoy the basic pleasures of straightforward sensuality.
And that's the easy half. The much harder half is in all the things you can be doing that create the overall mood and intimacy that makes it possible to relax and enjoy a lingerie-themed dinner. It's not quite so simple, but this is why there's jokes like "the best foreplay is doing the dishes" and so on -- I don't care how sexy your underwear is; it's hard to relax enough to enjoy it when the house is a mess and you are arguing about money and you have three friends from college sitting on your couch having a farting contest.
Finally, there's nothing wrong with quickies, or having only one person come (or neither, for that matter), or anything else that's outside of the scriptbook set by romantic comedies, novels, porn, and the inflated way people on the internet describe their sex lives. If it feels good, and you are having fun, then you are doing it right -- it's that simple.
posted by Forktine at 10:04 PM on December 27, 2008 [10 favorites]
So you do something like when you are at the dinner with the inlaws, and he leans over and whispers that he's wearing that special lime-green banana-hammock that makes you all tingly. It's fun precisely because you can't do anything about it at the dinner -- but knowing he's wearing it creates tension and anticipation hours ahead so that when you finally reach the bedroom you aren't trying to go from 0 to 60; it's more like going from 60 to 90.
That's half of it, I think, the creation of sexual tension throughout your day. It just takes experimentation -- what is cliche for one person is incredibly hot for someone else. And while certainly you find the smoooooth jazz and dimmed lighting to be giggle-inducing, by the same token surely there is some combination of music, lighting, and atmosphere that does turn you on, right? So be honest to yourself, but don't get so caught up in being so painfully ironic at every turn that you can't enjoy the basic pleasures of straightforward sensuality.
And that's the easy half. The much harder half is in all the things you can be doing that create the overall mood and intimacy that makes it possible to relax and enjoy a lingerie-themed dinner. It's not quite so simple, but this is why there's jokes like "the best foreplay is doing the dishes" and so on -- I don't care how sexy your underwear is; it's hard to relax enough to enjoy it when the house is a mess and you are arguing about money and you have three friends from college sitting on your couch having a farting contest.
Finally, there's nothing wrong with quickies, or having only one person come (or neither, for that matter), or anything else that's outside of the scriptbook set by romantic comedies, novels, porn, and the inflated way people on the internet describe their sex lives. If it feels good, and you are having fun, then you are doing it right -- it's that simple.
posted by Forktine at 10:04 PM on December 27, 2008 [10 favorites]
Wrestle.
Speaking of lingerie, there's edible lingerie out there. That sounds like some fun stuff to do.
I would also suggest doing some housework in lingerie, that's a big turn-on for some folks. Do stuff like wiping tables and picking up rubbish off the floor, so you can bend over...showing your cleavage if hubby is in front of you, or showing your butt if he is behind you. Or, you can get your husband to do that stuff in a male thong or whatever.
There's always BDSM.
posted by sixcolors at 10:12 PM on December 27, 2008
Speaking of lingerie, there's edible lingerie out there. That sounds like some fun stuff to do.
I would also suggest doing some housework in lingerie, that's a big turn-on for some folks. Do stuff like wiping tables and picking up rubbish off the floor, so you can bend over...showing your cleavage if hubby is in front of you, or showing your butt if he is behind you. Or, you can get your husband to do that stuff in a male thong or whatever.
There's always BDSM.
posted by sixcolors at 10:12 PM on December 27, 2008
Shop for toys together online. Let curiosity get the better of you and check out a wider range of goods than just those you're really interested in.
(If you find something you both like, go to a store together to buy it. Make the store the first stop on an errand run so you can't go straight back home afterwards, but don't let that stop you trying out your purchases before you make it back home.)
At risk of corny, cliche and obvious, but either or both of you could try learning to lapdance. There are guides online to get you started. Probably some videos too. Yes, you'll feel silly and crack up laughing, but that just means it's fun.
DIY lingerie? That stuffs expensive. He's good with his hands, and knows what he likes, so he might as well design something. But guys often don't have much background with sewing machines and fabrics, he might use more familiar fun materials and means of joinery than sewing - liquid latex soaked cloth, plastics, quick-release clasps, cold cold metal... However it's done, there is going to be a lot of nekkid fittings involved.
Find a club that plays a lot of music that you both love, and dance. You can dance in ways that about the joy of music, but you can also dance in ways that are about the bedroom.
posted by -harlequin- at 1:16 AM on December 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
(If you find something you both like, go to a store together to buy it. Make the store the first stop on an errand run so you can't go straight back home afterwards, but don't let that stop you trying out your purchases before you make it back home.)
At risk of corny, cliche and obvious, but either or both of you could try learning to lapdance. There are guides online to get you started. Probably some videos too. Yes, you'll feel silly and crack up laughing, but that just means it's fun.
DIY lingerie? That stuffs expensive. He's good with his hands, and knows what he likes, so he might as well design something. But guys often don't have much background with sewing machines and fabrics, he might use more familiar fun materials and means of joinery than sewing - liquid latex soaked cloth, plastics, quick-release clasps, cold cold metal... However it's done, there is going to be a lot of nekkid fittings involved.
Find a club that plays a lot of music that you both love, and dance. You can dance in ways that about the joy of music, but you can also dance in ways that are about the bedroom.
posted by -harlequin- at 1:16 AM on December 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
Compose an erotic story together (you could do this in the manner of the game "exquisite corpse," in which you write one sentence/paragraph, he writes the next one, you write the one after that, and so on).
posted by chicainthecity at 1:35 AM on December 28, 2008
posted by chicainthecity at 1:35 AM on December 28, 2008
Go swimming together.
Anything that's enough work to make you out of breath. Done together. Sweat optional.
Tango lessons are a classic.
posted by amtho at 6:37 AM on December 28, 2008
Anything that's enough work to make you out of breath. Done together. Sweat optional.
Tango lessons are a classic.
posted by amtho at 6:37 AM on December 28, 2008
This is going to sound really lame, but go out and buy a couple of cheap nerf dart guns (these are my favorites and you can get them at target and walmart) and a bunch of extra ammo. Then turn off the lights and start chasing and shooting the hell out of each other. It won't take long for the adrenaline and sweat to start going. Eventually move the battle to the bedroom and switch to close-range combat. ;)
posted by sambosambo at 5:50 PM on December 28, 2008 [3 favorites]
posted by sambosambo at 5:50 PM on December 28, 2008 [3 favorites]
Light up a joint.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 9:09 PM on January 2, 2009
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 9:09 PM on January 2, 2009
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by carmicha at 8:32 PM on December 27, 2008