Bass it up

December 20, 2008 7:19 PM

Weak, unsexy voice pitch: I am a male, but my voice seems to be grating, effete, and effeminate.

It's unmasculine, juvenile, and unattractive. I can't get into arguments or assert myself or defuse potential victimization because when I try to sound angry or commanding it either sounds whiny (sort of like this nerd) or phony (like when women lower their voices and pretend to sound like men). I am not aware of any testosterone deficiency or anything (I have facial hair). It would be nice to sound better than just "normal", but to have a good deep voice (like Barack Obama). I've heard that women who take steroids get irreversible voice changes. Does this work for men as well? What real options would you say are available for "fixing" this?

posted by anonymous to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (21 answers total)

Have you been to an ENT doctor? Also, speech training might help.
posted by yoyo_nyc at 7:36 PM on December 20, 2008 [1 favorite]

Visit your physician to have your testosterone levels checked and your vocal cords examined. If you have normal hormone levels and healthy vocal cords, consider visiting a vocal coach for several sessions. The coach can teach you to speak deeper naturally with your "chest voice."
posted by terranova at 7:41 PM on December 20, 2008

You know, the voice on the clip is not a bad voice. The illiterate YouTube notations indicate that the guy's a TV reporter. It's not low-pitched, but there's nothing wrong with it. It seems to me like a normal voice.

Do you have some objective reason for believing your voice sounds whiny or phony? Has anyone else confirmed your opinion? You know, most of us dislike our own recorded voices because that's not the way our voices sound "from the inside." You may have a self-image issue here, not any real vocal issue.

Maybe you feel embarrassed by what you're saying, particularly when emotional, rather than by your voice per se.

So, talk to your doctor, and get some speech training, as others have suggested. The former will reassure you, I hope, and the latter wouldn't hurt any of us.
posted by JimN2TAW at 7:53 PM on December 20, 2008

Pretty much, the kind of voice a man will develop after puberty is genetically determined. Testosterone makes the change happen, but it doesn't control the result.

When women's voices become deeper as a result of exposure to male hormones, what they get is the voice they would have had if they'd been men. (If the process is taken to its conclusion.)

Some men are naturally tenors. No amount of testosterone or steroids will change that.

"my voice seems to be grating, effete, and effeminate." Those things are all quite possible for someone with a deep bass voice. They're aspects of content and delivery, not of register.

I agree with the above posters: you need a voice coach.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 8:01 PM on December 20, 2008

Voice coaching can make a huge difference. How well your voice is "supported" makes a difference, as does (believe it or not) your posture. Posture is very important.

One reason some voices sound "authoritative" is that people with authority -- those that stand up straight, with their chest and shoulders open and relaxed, who breathe easily and deeply and speak without undue tension in their heads and necks -- naturally will have fuller voices. It's not all about pitch, really. It's about ease and depth and even speed.

The things that sound grating to us are usually the result of ingrained patterns of holding our body, of nervousness, of assumed status, I think. If you consider stereotypes of the voices of business leaders, powerful politicians, actors, versus those of weaker, subservient people (who often tend to -- again in stereotype -- slouch or try to appear small), you might get an inkling of what I mean here.

Coaching really can help. Alexander technique, too.
posted by amtho at 8:19 PM on December 20, 2008 [2 favorites]

I seem to recall reading that some of the old Hollywood stars achieved their deep, gravelly tones by heading into the mountains and screaming until they lost their voices. Don't know how reliable (or safe) the practice is... seems like the kind of thing to ask an afore-mentioned voice coach.
posted by mumkin at 8:19 PM on December 20, 2008

Take voice lessons, but they won't help that much -- at least you'll learn how not to go even higher when you're upset. you'll learn control, which is great, but you have the instrument you have. your question is a bit like "I want to be taller". After puberty, you can't. they don't have the equivalent of penis enlargement for the vocal folds, even if that would make for great Internet spam.

if it's any consolation I've been suffering lately of a nasty cold that ravaged my throat and took my voice from its natural baritone to bass. this didn't make me more or less assertive than usual, believe me. unless you're into weird telephone pranks, it's not that great.

and please if you want to fuck around with steroids, think twice. a squeaky voice might be lame but cancer is worse
posted by matteo at 8:26 PM on December 20, 2008

defuse potential victimization

and of course if the issue is vyour safety, take boxing lessons, learn karate. Bruce Lee had a pretty high pitched voice but people didn't make much fun of him because of that. I'm sure he wouldn't have traded the violent skills in exchange for Barry White's voice.
posted by matteo at 8:28 PM on December 20, 2008 [1 favorite]

Old Hollywood used the one guarenteed method of voice deepening: chain smoking. Probably not an option for you.

Are you basing this on your perceived vocal tone, perhaps because you have heard a recording of your voice and didn't like it? Most people I've ever met hate their voices when they hear a recording of it. That's pretty natural. Unless someone else has commented that you have an "annoying" voice for whatever reason (and you are sure the person is not just insulting you) you probably have a pretty normal voice.

I have an rather low voice for a girl; I have been mistaken for my own father on the phone. I've come to grips with it. One of my voice teachers told me to try speaking in a higher tone of voice to extend my range (I am a tenor/alto). I failed at this attempt, but it might be worth trying in the opposite direction.
posted by nursegracer at 8:32 PM on December 20, 2008

Having a deep voice and sounding grown up are not the same thing. I'd suggest taking a deep breath before you speak so that you project your voice, and figure out where your natural register is, so that you can go up and down from there as needed. The "effete" and "grating" may come from constricting your throat as you speak. Do you ever sing in the car or the shower? Do you like the sound of your voice then? Maybe you can incorporate some traits from a singing voice into your speech.

Also, if a voice coach is too much trouble at the moment, maybe a trusted friend can give you some unbiased advice. We all hate the sound of our own voices when they've been recorded. However, you might have some specific bad speech habits that you can work on if you're made aware of what they are.

For what it's worth, my husband sometimes gets called "ma'am" on the phone and has no trouble with his voice in his sales job. I have the pitch of a twelve-year-old but this doesn't stop me from successfully negotiating with people on the phone at work. I've been told by multiple people that I sound like I know what I'm talking about, when I often don't. I think your issues have little to do with pitch.
posted by found dog one eye at 8:33 PM on December 20, 2008

When you speak, you can "feel" where your voice is coming from. Try to move that feeling down from inside your head to in your chest.
posted by gjc at 8:35 PM on December 20, 2008

Look, for all I know a voice coach might help you change how your voice sounds, but I can guarantee you the pitch of your voice isn't the real problem. There are plenty of high-voiced men (and women) out there who project authority just fine, and plenty of low-voiced ones who sound like total nebbishes.

It sounds like what you really need is some help with your public speaking skills. At very least, you sound like you could use more confidence about speaking in public. Maybe try something like Toastmasters? I've never been a member, but I know people who say great things about them.
posted by nebulawindphone at 9:07 PM on December 20, 2008

Learn how to scream like Geddy Lee.

Someone gives you shit? You scream, "No one gets to their heaven without a fight!" Argument over.
posted by GPF at 11:28 PM on December 20, 2008 [1 favorite]

A couple threads up there's a post from a guy wanting plastic surgery because he doesn't like his face. I'd offer the same advice to you that I just gave him. Consider that your voice isn't the "problem" and that perhaps you can approach this by building confidence in yourself generally.

I say this as someone who has felt self-conscious about my voice for a long time - I think its too nasal, too high, I talk fast and mutter, blah blah blah. But you know what? Its not worth feeling shitty about. There is enormous diversity in the human family and some of us are going to have voices that don't happen to be popular in the times we live in. Or, as more likely the case for both you and me, many of us will feel bad about our voices even if they are perfectly normal and no one else notices or cares.

Focusing on the features you like about yourself, and using your "working on yourself" energy towards more important aspects of yourself (like building confidence) is probably a more productive and rewarding way to approach this.
posted by serazin at 11:33 PM on December 20, 2008

Nthing vocal coach. How you breathe and use that breath has a lot to do with how you sound. You can't change your voice completely, but you can change the timbre of it. Also nthing Toastmasters to help you be more comfortable speaking.

All else fails, remember that David Sedaris is a former lisper with a high voice who has learned to be unapologetic and is therefore hilarious. Whatever you've got, you can work it.
posted by desuetude at 12:31 AM on December 21, 2008

I don't have a particularly deep voice, and when I hear recordings of myself I cringe at how much I sound like an adenoidal yokel, but I have no problem using it to impose - channelling "Dad voice" with kids, chairing formal meetings, yelling at the deserving, etc. I do have years of debating and speaking behind me though, and I've learned to slow down, articulate clearly, and project. I agree with everyone suggesting voice coaching, and furthermore, I recommend that you stop tormenting yourself with recordings immediately.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 1:24 AM on December 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

I have a pretty mellow voice myself - when I hear recordings of myself speaking, it sounds a whole lot more "Kermit the Frog" than "James Earl Jones". But I realized I don't care much. I can still talk to people, and I don't apologize for not having earth-shaking, make-the-ladies-swoon bass coming out of my voicebox.

After spending a few semesters teaching, trying to project in a room with hundreds of students listening, I figured out that putting some effort into making myself heard did a lot for how I sounded. You can't sound whiny when you're projecting like that. It just doesn't work. You can't speak to students, trying to tell them things that you know, unless you know what you're talking about. Self-confidence is a large part of it, and developing some confidence might help you worry less about how you sound and feel more comfortable speaking. The best way to do this is to practice public speaking every chance you get.

Also, for what it's worth, you know who else had kind of a nasal, tenor tone in his speaking voice? John F Kennedy. Listen to him in any of the recorded speeches. He doesn't sound like James Earl Jones either, does he? Obama doesn't sound presidential because of the pitch of his voice, and neither did Kennedy. It's the confidence and authority you put out there along with the voice.
posted by caution live frogs at 7:58 AM on December 21, 2008

Seriously: counseling (in whichever official-unofficial form) is the key (as everyone said). If your use of your voice doesn't match with your self-image there is room to learn. Your voice, seen as raw material, is likely fine.

And a sense for rhetoric (since you mention Obama).

And, of course, decibel economy. Let me explain. A friend, forefront viola da gamba player, told me he once was assigned to open a concert in the Sydney Opera Concert Hall - alone. There is really no way for this to work. The gamba is soft, the hall is huge. So he chose a piece that had a very soft beginning. People who want to listen do listen, and if they don't hear much at the beginning, they listen more.
And that's the very point. If I'm in a whiny mood, I get that tone of voice (my voice in itself isn't whiny at all), and people react by not listening. They don't want to. I've actively tested this one way and another.

I've met two people in my life who (as I found out much later in both cases) had one vocal chord removed for some reason. One sounded always a little stressed and gave the impression of battling uphill all the time; a lot of pressure on his voice. The other, a theater director, never talked louder than semi-soft and he seemed totally relaxed about it. Nobody ever spoke when he did.
posted by Namlit at 9:04 AM on December 21, 2008

I don't mean to dismiss your primary concern here but why should this matter? I think of the command of attention and presence people like Truman Capote, Speed Levitch, Andy Warhol, et al. (many others, mostly brilliant, very charismatic). Ultimately, most grown-ups with a brain aren't going to criticize a "non-masculine" voice. They're more concerned with character, style, actions and so on.
posted by ezekieldas at 10:18 AM on December 21, 2008

I heard on the radio that if you practice singing one octave lower than your usual singing voice that over time it will lower the pitch of your over all voice. So start working on that Johnny Cash cover band.
posted by furtive at 10:51 AM on December 21, 2008

Let me recommend Cicely Berry's Voice And The Actor. It's oriented towards giving actors greater control over their vocal instrument, and it's remarkably effective. I routinely use the lessons I learned from it in day-to-day life, and it should help you achieve a great deal in terms of making your voice sound the way you want it to.

The voice can be trained. It takes effort and dedication, but you can develop fine control over it if you're willing to put in the time.
posted by scrump at 10:27 AM on December 22, 2008