Fictional Cops
September 18, 2004 11:50 AM   Subscribe

If, theoretically, a family member of yours was murdered, which TV or movie cops would you want investigating. I'd choose either Andy Sipowicz or Jack Cates from 48 Hours to do the legwork because of sheer badassery and Frank Pembleton from Homicide to handle interrogations. Who would you choose and why?
posted by jonmc to Law & Government (45 answers total)
 
Grissom does EVERYTHING. He'll collect crime scene evidence, interrogate the suspects, AND prosecute the perpetrator.
posted by Eamon at 12:05 PM on September 18, 2004


not to mention defend you from giant squid!

I'd want Scanner Cop and his partner ED-209.

Duh.

Who could resist "ANSWER MY PARTNER'S QUESTION. YOU HAVE FIFTEEN SECONDS TO COMPLY." while having your brain read?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:11 PM on September 18, 2004


Ed Exley and Bud White, from LA Confidential.
posted by Zonker at 12:25 PM on September 18, 2004


Columbo, of course.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 12:40 PM on September 18, 2004


While neither is officially a cop, I'd like Honey West and Emma Peel (Diana Rigg) on the case, because then I could borrow their clothes. Plus, they kick ass.

I don't see how anyone could solve a case better than Columbo. He's relentless - a real bulldog. He wouldn't give up until he'd found the murderer/s. And I'd love to see Columbo and Monk try to solve the case together.
posted by iconomy at 12:41 PM on September 18, 2004


Who says I´d want it investigated?
posted by biffa at 12:42 PM on September 18, 2004


Well, to be fair Columbo basically just annoyed the suspects into giving up.
posted by jonmc at 12:43 PM on September 18, 2004


Right, definitely Columbo. Because he would seem to be doing a terrible job, to my endless frustration. And then at the last minute he would walk back into the room and say, "One more minute of your time, sir..."
posted by inksyndicate at 12:44 PM on September 18, 2004


What is the best Columbo movie/show?
posted by inksyndicate at 12:44 PM on September 18, 2004


For sheer efficiency and courteous behavior, there's always Joe Friday.
posted by jonmc at 12:51 PM on September 18, 2004


Columbo, because he is the modern incarnation of Socrates.

Or Magnum, P.I. because there would be a very high likelihood of me being able to ride in a Ferrari and/or helicopter.
posted by Hildago at 12:58 PM on September 18, 2004


A seemingly random AskMe question, but in fact I do have an uncle who was murdered.

Justice was served there, and pretty quickly, too, but I'm still going to vote for Robocop.
posted by emelenjr at 1:19 PM on September 18, 2004


Wow, emelenjr, that's rough. Glad they got the guy, but my condolences, anyway.

My old co-worker Cathy's husband was murdered while she was pregnant, and a guy I knew casually in college was killed during a carjacking. It's all around us, man.
posted by jonmc at 1:23 PM on September 18, 2004


the t1000
posted by angry modem at 1:29 PM on September 18, 2004


Dixon Hill, because then I'd still be alive in the 24th century.
posted by billsaysthis at 1:34 PM on September 18, 2004


Detective Robert Goren of Law and Order: Criminal Intent. He's a creepy genius.
posted by MegoSteve at 1:36 PM on September 18, 2004


Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers.
posted by Stan Chin at 1:44 PM on September 18, 2004


Monk.
posted by bingo at 1:50 PM on September 18, 2004


What is the best Columbo movie/show?

Swan Song
posted by the cuban at 1:52 PM on September 18, 2004


Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers.

Monk.


In both cases, technically not cops.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 1:54 PM on September 18, 2004


Assuming that unlike biffa you want the murderer caught, you'd sort of have to go with Timecop's Max Walker, or Minority Report's John Anderton.
posted by nicwolff at 2:08 PM on September 18, 2004


Gotta be Grissom. He's a one-man police squad.
posted by xyzzy at 2:24 PM on September 18, 2004


I would have to say that Kirk could totally beat up Picard in a fistfight.
posted by jjg at 2:27 PM on September 18, 2004


Bayliss and Pembleton, no question.
posted by headspace at 2:28 PM on September 18, 2004


Lenny Briscoe, without a doubt. But only if he gets Van Buren to sign off on it first.
posted by PrinceValium at 2:48 PM on September 18, 2004


This is so funny. Before I even opened the thread, I thought to myself, "Columbo", and then I thought "or Grissom". (Except I didn't think "Grissom"; I thought, "That other guy. That forensics guy, what's his name... on that show, what's it called?...").

But really, now that I'm all calmed down and all - it would have to be Sherlock Holmes. It's elementary.
posted by taz at 3:02 PM on September 18, 2004


But, he wasn't a cop, was he? So, Grissom.
posted by taz at 3:04 PM on September 18, 2004


I too immediately thought of Columbo. Even if he does just annoy people into confessing, it works.
posted by kenko at 3:31 PM on September 18, 2004


I'd take Joel over Mike; and I liked Servo's first voice, not his later one.
posted by filmgeek at 3:40 PM on September 18, 2004


Oooh, on second thought, charlie's angels.
posted by filmgeek at 3:40 PM on September 18, 2004


They're not cops, though, filmgeek.
posted by taz at 3:41 PM on September 18, 2004


I don't care who investigates. As long as Perry Mason represents me, I'm walkin'.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 3:51 PM on September 18, 2004


From the technically not cops drawer but nevertheless...

Sherlock Holmes, Hercule Poirot or Mrs Marple.
posted by dmt at 6:08 PM on September 18, 2004


Frank Drebin & Joe Friday, together.
posted by thewittyname at 6:37 PM on September 18, 2004


Arthur Dietrich.
posted by Guy Smiley at 7:11 PM on September 18, 2004


Deitrich?

What about Fish, man?
posted by jonmc at 7:18 PM on September 18, 2004


Adam Dalgleish. (Sneaking in a detective novel character because I understand some quite watchable movies have been made from P.D. James' books.)

Not Monk. Jeez, if a family member is dead, I don't want the frigging detective straightening the damn knick knacks in the deceased's living room.
posted by orange swan at 7:49 PM on September 18, 2004


Eddie Murphy. Chevy Chase. Leslie Neielson, OJ Simpson. Chief Wiggum, Eddie and Lou all working on the case.
posted by brent at 7:59 PM on September 18, 2004


In the event of disqualification of Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers, I would at least like.... Knight Rider? No? Okay fine, Crockett and Tubbs.

.... driving KITT.
posted by Stan Chin at 8:30 PM on September 18, 2004


For sheer efficiency and courteous behavior, there's always Joe Friday.

... unless yer a hippy.
posted by mwhybark at 10:48 PM on September 18, 2004


The evidence doesn't lie, jonmc.
posted by madman at 10:59 PM on September 18, 2004


Actually, you know, the bad thing about having Columbo on the case is that it'll probably turn out that you did it.
posted by kenko at 11:09 PM on September 18, 2004


*SPOILERS*

I'd say.. I'd hold out for real cops and detectives. Those ones on the television aren't actually real and don't know all that much about detective work.
posted by wackybrit at 1:52 AM on September 19, 2004


Robocop.
posted by Yelling At Nothing at 11:04 AM on September 19, 2004


In both cases, technically not cops.

Ok. To answer the "and why" part of the question, and thus have a technically more complete answer:

Monk, because he's technically not a cop. I chose him because he's closer to being a cop than the person I'd really want investigating a murder: the Terrence Stamp character from The Limey.
posted by bingo at 4:41 PM on September 19, 2004


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