The Xmas Blues
December 25, 2005 11:18 AM Subscribe
We've really screwed the pooch this year.....
I'm not sure if I'll ever finish reading the answers because time warner is about to shut off my modem any minute now, but here goes......
My family (Wife, Daughter 11, Son 9, Son 3, and me) are about to be evicted from our apartment. We have a good payment history with this landlord for the past year, this being the second property we've rented from them but the manager refuses to give us any extension because my wife is having a difficult time finding a job over christmas, so there is no guarantee of payment.
I'm unemployed and have no DL (another long and tortuous story, don't get a ticket in a small town unless you've got money and never be over two days late on the payment arrangements).
Argh. This is difficult. We have an 800 dollar utility bill due to a previous balance that became due in full upon moving. We didn't know moving would cancel our arrangement, but the bexar county housing authority should help us cover the whole thing on tuesday and this is a godsend, at least for the future.
The merry xmas thread has given me some great ideas (Thanks!!!) about fighting the eviction untill she gets a paycheck (any other time of year she gets a new job in a week flat).
We have nowhere to go. My mother will take me in (no other family besides a brother who I don't speak to) but not my wife or step daughter. It seems that to get help here, we actually need to be on the street and have lost everything already. Rental help is so low as to be nonexistant unless you're already on housing (You need to be employed, make almost nothing, which isn't true when we work and there's a waiting list)
The food stamp office is stalling for paperwork from her ex-employer that they won't provide so we had to spend our last bit of cash on food.
What steps should I now take to get us back on our feet somehow? My last job was in a warehouse at night to avoid paying extreme daycare costs (CCMS is of little help and has a year long list) and no one here seems willing to hire without an ID.
This is just the tip of the scewed up living on a shoestring iceberg. I have shitty credit and so does my wife. This is the first time we've hit this low, having had at least a place to fall back before.
I've also been out of anti depressants for the last few months, where can I get these without being on SSI or something?
Also, why she lost her job: The administrator in the office was supposedly embezzeling funds and she was suspended for a month even though she was cleared of wrongdoing(??). She asked to be removed from the rolls to clear out her 401k, but didn't understand how long that would take and whatever. I'm at a loss to understand what's going on here and somehow doubt they'll be calling her back in. I've probably missed quite a bit and pardon if my writing is somewhat erratic.
Also: We got a loan on the car title long ago, it's still in hock as are most things pawnable (jewelery, tools). I'm thinking try to talk to the landlord again and stall as long as possible, it won't be my first midnight move.
I'm not sure if I'll ever finish reading the answers because time warner is about to shut off my modem any minute now, but here goes......
My family (Wife, Daughter 11, Son 9, Son 3, and me) are about to be evicted from our apartment. We have a good payment history with this landlord for the past year, this being the second property we've rented from them but the manager refuses to give us any extension because my wife is having a difficult time finding a job over christmas, so there is no guarantee of payment.
I'm unemployed and have no DL (another long and tortuous story, don't get a ticket in a small town unless you've got money and never be over two days late on the payment arrangements).
Argh. This is difficult. We have an 800 dollar utility bill due to a previous balance that became due in full upon moving. We didn't know moving would cancel our arrangement, but the bexar county housing authority should help us cover the whole thing on tuesday and this is a godsend, at least for the future.
The merry xmas thread has given me some great ideas (Thanks!!!) about fighting the eviction untill she gets a paycheck (any other time of year she gets a new job in a week flat).
We have nowhere to go. My mother will take me in (no other family besides a brother who I don't speak to) but not my wife or step daughter. It seems that to get help here, we actually need to be on the street and have lost everything already. Rental help is so low as to be nonexistant unless you're already on housing (You need to be employed, make almost nothing, which isn't true when we work and there's a waiting list)
The food stamp office is stalling for paperwork from her ex-employer that they won't provide so we had to spend our last bit of cash on food.
What steps should I now take to get us back on our feet somehow? My last job was in a warehouse at night to avoid paying extreme daycare costs (CCMS is of little help and has a year long list) and no one here seems willing to hire without an ID.
This is just the tip of the scewed up living on a shoestring iceberg. I have shitty credit and so does my wife. This is the first time we've hit this low, having had at least a place to fall back before.
I've also been out of anti depressants for the last few months, where can I get these without being on SSI or something?
Also, why she lost her job: The administrator in the office was supposedly embezzeling funds and she was suspended for a month even though she was cleared of wrongdoing(??). She asked to be removed from the rolls to clear out her 401k, but didn't understand how long that would take and whatever. I'm at a loss to understand what's going on here and somehow doubt they'll be calling her back in. I've probably missed quite a bit and pardon if my writing is somewhat erratic.
Also: We got a loan on the car title long ago, it's still in hock as are most things pawnable (jewelery, tools). I'm thinking try to talk to the landlord again and stall as long as possible, it won't be my first midnight move.
It hasn't been before, but it might. The rent we owe is half a month ($400) and apparently the problem is that we can't carry a balance into a new month, so we should be in good shape over the new year because we can hold off january's until end of month according to the landlord, esp. with tax returns coming in (3kids! = $$$).
It seems a paltry sum, I know. I can think of several things we could have done to prepare for this. The job loss, however, was completely unexpected.
posted by IronLizard at 11:39 AM on December 25, 2005
It seems a paltry sum, I know. I can think of several things we could have done to prepare for this. The job loss, however, was completely unexpected.
posted by IronLizard at 11:39 AM on December 25, 2005
How much money do you need to keep your family off the streets for the next month?
$400 + $food + $heating?
posted by cmonkey at 11:43 AM on December 25, 2005
$400 + $food + $heating?
posted by cmonkey at 11:43 AM on December 25, 2005
Try some sort of credit counseling, maybe, to work on the bills and debt you may have.
Also, check with your local motor vehicles office. At least in Georgia, the DMV will provide "ID-only" cards. They're like $10, free to the indigent. Maybe Texas (?) has a similar deal.
posted by SuperNova at 11:44 AM on December 25, 2005
Also, check with your local motor vehicles office. At least in Georgia, the DMV will provide "ID-only" cards. They're like $10, free to the indigent. Maybe Texas (?) has a similar deal.
posted by SuperNova at 11:44 AM on December 25, 2005
You're outside San Antonio, I'm assuming.
In addition to what other people said (and yes, I don't understand the ID thing either), this:
As you saw elsewhere, evictions take a while. The fact that you're both unemployed has nothing to do with your eviction; you presumably have a lease, and your wife's inability to prove an income has no bearing on keeping that lease. That's none of their business. (What does have a bearing is, well, paying the rent.) Overall, evictions can take many months, certainly enough time for you to get a couple ducks in order.
If you're both unemployed, and even if you own a car, you're most probably available for Public Assistance and certainly for foodstamps and Medicare. (That's how you can get your medication, quite easily.) And Bexar County Medical Society takes Medicare, I think. Often (varies state by state) there are small emergency grants, not enough for rent but certainly enough for emergency food, etc. Getting emergency assistance is a hassle and confusing and difficult sometimes, but it's not at all impossible. It will, however, be work, and maybe you need to devote your time and energies to fixing your ID situation and getting work, etc. Good thing there's two of you.
posted by RJ Reynolds at 11:49 AM on December 25, 2005
In addition to what other people said (and yes, I don't understand the ID thing either), this:
As you saw elsewhere, evictions take a while. The fact that you're both unemployed has nothing to do with your eviction; you presumably have a lease, and your wife's inability to prove an income has no bearing on keeping that lease. That's none of their business. (What does have a bearing is, well, paying the rent.) Overall, evictions can take many months, certainly enough time for you to get a couple ducks in order.
If you're both unemployed, and even if you own a car, you're most probably available for Public Assistance and certainly for foodstamps and Medicare. (That's how you can get your medication, quite easily.) And Bexar County Medical Society takes Medicare, I think. Often (varies state by state) there are small emergency grants, not enough for rent but certainly enough for emergency food, etc. Getting emergency assistance is a hassle and confusing and difficult sometimes, but it's not at all impossible. It will, however, be work, and maybe you need to devote your time and energies to fixing your ID situation and getting work, etc. Good thing there's two of you.
posted by RJ Reynolds at 11:49 AM on December 25, 2005
WCityMike has some good ideas - food banks and all.
Your state may have some sort of law about not evicting people with children or during the winter. Vermont certainly has that law.
Call the utilities companies and try to speak with them reasonably about your situation. Sometimes they'll give you a break.
Good luck to you and your family.
PS, most public libraries have free internet access.
posted by k8t at 11:52 AM on December 25, 2005
Your state may have some sort of law about not evicting people with children or during the winter. Vermont certainly has that law.
Call the utilities companies and try to speak with them reasonably about your situation. Sometimes they'll give you a break.
Good luck to you and your family.
PS, most public libraries have free internet access.
posted by k8t at 11:52 AM on December 25, 2005
Also, maybe cutting off utilities like the internet or phone or tv would be a good idea. Don't get into worse debt by not paying those bills either.
posted by k8t at 11:59 AM on December 25, 2005
posted by k8t at 11:59 AM on December 25, 2005
DL = driver's license
CCMS = Child Care Management Services (CCMS) system. CCMS is an integrated, automated system that has been used to manage the delivery of all subsidized child care services for eligible low-income families in Texas since 1991.
That required a lot of googling.
posted by k8t at 12:01 PM on December 25, 2005
CCMS = Child Care Management Services (CCMS) system. CCMS is an integrated, automated system that has been used to manage the delivery of all subsidized child care services for eligible low-income families in Texas since 1991.
That required a lot of googling.
posted by k8t at 12:01 PM on December 25, 2005
Sums it up rather well, in fact. I'm rambling today.
Employment (Wife): Your wife did something (was she a whistleblower?) with regards to her office administrator embezzling funds, and was suspended. In order to access her 401(k), she asked to be "removed from the rolls."
This was a complete surprise to her. Her former office manager resigned without warning her (apparently she knew) and it was the administrator who did the deed (apparently so far as signing her name to documents, there were revealed as forgeries by the one-write(???) system they use at work). The administrator was fired as soon as a new office manager came in and the shake down began quietly. Then one day, boom. Don't come back until we call you.
RJ-We're off of callaghan right on the SA/Leon valley border. LV has a serious desire to throw me in jail even though I went to make my payment a few days late. Getting out of the courthouse without handcuffs on that day is a story all it's own. I'm afraid to leave the house.
posted by IronLizard at 12:02 PM on December 25, 2005
Employment (Wife): Your wife did something (was she a whistleblower?) with regards to her office administrator embezzling funds, and was suspended. In order to access her 401(k), she asked to be "removed from the rolls."
This was a complete surprise to her. Her former office manager resigned without warning her (apparently she knew) and it was the administrator who did the deed (apparently so far as signing her name to documents, there were revealed as forgeries by the one-write(???) system they use at work). The administrator was fired as soon as a new office manager came in and the shake down began quietly. Then one day, boom. Don't come back until we call you.
RJ-We're off of callaghan right on the SA/Leon valley border. LV has a serious desire to throw me in jail even though I went to make my payment a few days late. Getting out of the courthouse without handcuffs on that day is a story all it's own. I'm afraid to leave the house.
posted by IronLizard at 12:02 PM on December 25, 2005
From SanAntonioFoodBank.org:
If you need immediate assistance, please call 211.
2-1-1 Texas' mission is to provide information and referral to health and human services in Central Texas.
posted by k8t at 12:03 PM on December 25, 2005
If you need immediate assistance, please call 211.
2-1-1 Texas' mission is to provide information and referral to health and human services in Central Texas.
posted by k8t at 12:03 PM on December 25, 2005
Also from SanAntonioFoodBank.org:
Call the San Antonio Food Bank at (210) 337-3663
We can provide information on what food pantries, soup kitchens and shelters are available near your location,
and can help you with Food Stamp Application assistance.
posted by k8t at 12:04 PM on December 25, 2005
Call the San Antonio Food Bank at (210) 337-3663
We can provide information on what food pantries, soup kitchens and shelters are available near your location,
and can help you with Food Stamp Application assistance.
posted by k8t at 12:04 PM on December 25, 2005
If you can't leave the house and since none of your kids require breast feeding, have your wife leave the house and call 211 for help.??
posted by k8t at 12:08 PM on December 25, 2005
posted by k8t at 12:08 PM on December 25, 2005
Evictions take a while. Call the Texas Tenant's Union (in Dallas) for help. They will be able to tell you your rights and obligations and maybe send someone to talk out a deal with your landlord. The landlord is better off with the place rented and may be willing to work with you for a payment schedule brokered by the Tenant's Union.
posted by jmgorman at 12:09 PM on December 25, 2005
posted by jmgorman at 12:09 PM on December 25, 2005
*Shelter*
Here is an outline of the eviction process in Texas and what you can do to prevent being evicted.
If it comes to worse the Red Cross of San Antonio has emergency shelter.
3642 E. Houston
San Antonio, TX 78219
Phone: (210) 224-5151
Fax: (210) 226-9973
Email: infosatx@usa.redcross.org
*Food*
Assuming you have food to last the rest of the weekend,
The San Antonio Food Bank services hundreds of area charities and gives them food. Give them a call and they can hook you up with a good food charity.
4311 Director Dr • San Antonio, TX 78219-3202 • 210-337-3663 • 210-337-2646 fax
If you don't have enough food to last the rest of the day, email me and I have food in my pantry that I can bring you since HEB is closed for the day. It would be just spaghetti, rice and beans but that's all I have at the moment.
*Gas / Electricity*
CPS doesn't want to cut you off, call them and talk to them about it.
Your employment situation -- get a damn ID card, or if you don't want to get an ID card start a business yourself. You can open up a bank account online and never have to show a soul an ID card.
posted by bigmusic at 12:14 PM on December 25, 2005
Here is an outline of the eviction process in Texas and what you can do to prevent being evicted.
If it comes to worse the Red Cross of San Antonio has emergency shelter.
3642 E. Houston
San Antonio, TX 78219
Phone: (210) 224-5151
Fax: (210) 226-9973
Email: infosatx@usa.redcross.org
*Food*
Assuming you have food to last the rest of the weekend,
The San Antonio Food Bank services hundreds of area charities and gives them food. Give them a call and they can hook you up with a good food charity.
4311 Director Dr • San Antonio, TX 78219-3202 • 210-337-3663 • 210-337-2646 fax
If you don't have enough food to last the rest of the day, email me and I have food in my pantry that I can bring you since HEB is closed for the day. It would be just spaghetti, rice and beans but that's all I have at the moment.
*Gas / Electricity*
CPS doesn't want to cut you off, call them and talk to them about it.
Your employment situation -- get a damn ID card, or if you don't want to get an ID card start a business yourself. You can open up a bank account online and never have to show a soul an ID card.
posted by bigmusic at 12:14 PM on December 25, 2005
I would also regretfully and very quietly point out this link. I do not know how many people know IronLizard personally or for a long period of time. I point this out only because I have personally fallen for the situation in the particular link, twice.
I'm asking for nothing but advice. Period. It was suggested I make this askme post over in the xmas MeTa thread. Don't come to my home (I doubt you can find it). Please don't send me e-mail, my wife checks it and I haven't told her I've told anyone, if that makes sense. Just tell me what you've done in similar situations, please. Maybe the thread was a mistake.
LV = Leon Valley (a small town, pretty much enveloped by san antonio)
Also, maybe cutting off utilities like the internet or phone or tv would be a good idea. Don't get into worse debt by not paying those bills either.
Just about gone, all through the same provider.
We've decided to try and stick it out here as long as possible, quietly moving what things we have to my mothers in case we're locked out. Some research indicates that even if they lock us out, I can get they key and continue on here for a bit. We just need to hold out a month or so at worst. I'm calling legal aid tomorrow just to be sure.
Things could be much worse, I think maybe I'm just freaking out a bit much.
Can I get an ID? There's a warrant. Does DPS carry out those from other municipalities?
A business? I've made some from the mechanical turk (~$500) over the last two months before it dried up, but seriously ????? I do have a bank account (slightly overdrawn) but I wouldn't know what to do. I fair with a wrench, but how to get clients?
I'm having trouble keeping up.
My liscense was taken at the courthouse when I showed up a few days late to may my 50$ installment (I didn't know they closed early on friday). The warrant officer told me to get the full amount of the fine, or go to jail. He let me call my wife, who showed up with her boss (before she resigned) to get my son, just in case (he was with me while she was at work). We talked about it for a moment and I quietly slipped out (he was apparently busy throwing someone else in jail for soemthing similar) and my wife drove us home.
posted by IronLizard at 12:33 PM on December 25, 2005
I'm asking for nothing but advice. Period. It was suggested I make this askme post over in the xmas MeTa thread. Don't come to my home (I doubt you can find it). Please don't send me e-mail, my wife checks it and I haven't told her I've told anyone, if that makes sense. Just tell me what you've done in similar situations, please. Maybe the thread was a mistake.
LV = Leon Valley (a small town, pretty much enveloped by san antonio)
Also, maybe cutting off utilities like the internet or phone or tv would be a good idea. Don't get into worse debt by not paying those bills either.
Just about gone, all through the same provider.
We've decided to try and stick it out here as long as possible, quietly moving what things we have to my mothers in case we're locked out. Some research indicates that even if they lock us out, I can get they key and continue on here for a bit. We just need to hold out a month or so at worst. I'm calling legal aid tomorrow just to be sure.
Things could be much worse, I think maybe I'm just freaking out a bit much.
Can I get an ID? There's a warrant. Does DPS carry out those from other municipalities?
A business? I've made some from the mechanical turk (~$500) over the last two months before it dried up, but seriously ????? I do have a bank account (slightly overdrawn) but I wouldn't know what to do. I fair with a wrench, but how to get clients?
I'm having trouble keeping up.
My liscense was taken at the courthouse when I showed up a few days late to may my 50$ installment (I didn't know they closed early on friday). The warrant officer told me to get the full amount of the fine, or go to jail. He let me call my wife, who showed up with her boss (before she resigned) to get my son, just in case (he was with me while she was at work). We talked about it for a moment and I quietly slipped out (he was apparently busy throwing someone else in jail for soemthing similar) and my wife drove us home.
posted by IronLizard at 12:33 PM on December 25, 2005
I just saw a comment asking how much charity you would accept,
I was asking because, in my experience both as a homeless man and also as someone who has had friends and loved ones working for various social services, I know that people have different levels of comfort with accepting help from charities and social service agencies.
And you're probably thinking of Modest Needs, WCityMike.
posted by cmonkey at 1:00 PM on December 25, 2005
I was asking because, in my experience both as a homeless man and also as someone who has had friends and loved ones working for various social services, I know that people have different levels of comfort with accepting help from charities and social service agencies.
And you're probably thinking of Modest Needs, WCityMike.
posted by cmonkey at 1:00 PM on December 25, 2005
The 50 was just a payment. There were to be 8 payments and I'd only made one before. Now it's due all at once. You're right, though I've been negligent about calling the prosecutor and or public defender. And please, don't offer anything but advice. I'm willing to get all the social services I can stand but I'm not going to ask anyone for anything on the internet. I can get my family fed with the food bank, but asking someone else to pay for what is essentially my stupidity is just ..... I can't.
I've yet to exlpore anything, the conversation with the landlord was on friday and the notice was just posted on christmas eve. The advice here so far has been spot on, thank you.
Also - Time served would be nice in san antiono, in leon valley the math doesn't work out so well. Its days here, weeks there for the same amount. I actually considered this until I found out, there wouldn't be any daycare without me and my wife would have lost her job for that before even the current mess. That's why I continue to stay here while she looks for work, instead of cooling my heels in a cell. Though, considering the county jails record, it might just be a health/safety hazard.
On an ironic note, I once applied for work there after my (just under) 1 year, seven months in the army but didn't follow through once I understood the conditions there. I then later found out first hand.
posted by IronLizard at 1:03 PM on December 25, 2005
I've yet to exlpore anything, the conversation with the landlord was on friday and the notice was just posted on christmas eve. The advice here so far has been spot on, thank you.
Also - Time served would be nice in san antiono, in leon valley the math doesn't work out so well. Its days here, weeks there for the same amount. I actually considered this until I found out, there wouldn't be any daycare without me and my wife would have lost her job for that before even the current mess. That's why I continue to stay here while she looks for work, instead of cooling my heels in a cell. Though, considering the county jails record, it might just be a health/safety hazard.
On an ironic note, I once applied for work there after my (just under) 1 year, seven months in the army but didn't follow through once I understood the conditions there. I then later found out first hand.
posted by IronLizard at 1:03 PM on December 25, 2005
I am, in fact trying to write the letter right now I found it in the other thread and hope they'll help but am looking at everything else for backup. (Thanks FiveFreshFish!! )
posted by IronLizard at 1:16 PM on December 25, 2005
posted by IronLizard at 1:16 PM on December 25, 2005
There were to be 8 payments and I'd only made one before. Now it's due all at once.
Lawyer. Free initial consult. They do them, you know.
posted by mediareport at 1:41 PM on December 25, 2005
Lawyer. Free initial consult. They do them, you know.
posted by mediareport at 1:41 PM on December 25, 2005
There were to be 8 payments and I'd only made one before. Now it's due all at once.
Lawyer. Free initial consult. They do them, you know.
Sure, then they start asking for cash. I've been divorced, they're wary of giving free advice here (I still owe my last divorce attorney, the one before him committed suicide before my divorce was finalized). If I had the cash, it would be a simple matter of sending it to clear up the warrant and the ticket. Thing about lawyers is that they end up costing as much as the fine, if not more.
Slightly good news: The notice on my door was not, in fact the legal eviction notice. I'm going to dig through the trash, but my wife now says it was a "pay by five oclock today or you will be evicted notice". So the actual eviction notice won't be here till tomorrow. This buys me a couple of days, maybe enough. (time for dumpster diving). I'm saving this page to disk in case I get disconnected tonight.
posted by IronLizard at 1:53 PM on December 25, 2005
Lawyer. Free initial consult. They do them, you know.
Sure, then they start asking for cash. I've been divorced, they're wary of giving free advice here (I still owe my last divorce attorney, the one before him committed suicide before my divorce was finalized). If I had the cash, it would be a simple matter of sending it to clear up the warrant and the ticket. Thing about lawyers is that they end up costing as much as the fine, if not more.
Slightly good news: The notice on my door was not, in fact the legal eviction notice. I'm going to dig through the trash, but my wife now says it was a "pay by five oclock today or you will be evicted notice". So the actual eviction notice won't be here till tomorrow. This buys me a couple of days, maybe enough. (time for dumpster diving). I'm saving this page to disk in case I get disconnected tonight.
posted by IronLizard at 1:53 PM on December 25, 2005
According to the Department of Justice I-9 for instructions, a prospective employer cannot specify which documents they want to see to verify your eligibility to work. As far as I can tell, they can only demand a Drivers License if the job requires driving. Instead of a DL, you can use a state, federal, or local ID card, a school photo ID, a voters registration card, a US Military card, or a Native American tribal document. You can also use a United States passport. Under normal circumstances, I would say you don't want to work for someone who doesn't know enough employment law to read the darn I-9 instructions, but beggars can't be choosers.
As for the eviction, I've got bad news there. The first step in the eviction process for non-payment of rent is a 3 day order to vacate. The only nice thing I can say about this document is that it freezes your late fees. Some landlords don't know that. Some landlords also don't know they can only charge 15 days worth of late fees. Please be aware that if you manage to pay some money, it will be applied to absolutely anything you owe other than rent before one dime gets applied to your outstanding rent. That's because he can't evict you for non-payment of late fees.
The next step of eviction depends how fast your landlord acts (how badly he wants you gone). Four or more days after the notice to vacate, he may go to the courthouse and request an eviction hearing. This costs him money, so if he thinks you're leaving of your own accord he probably won't bother. The court then sets a date and sends a constable to notify you. This date is probably less than a week later. The holidays would normally work in your favor, but the big ones are on the weekend this year.
At the court hearing, (don't be late!) you should expect to hear a lot of sad sad stories before your case comes up, and I think you will find that in most cases all the judge wants to know is "listen, did you pay the rent or not?" At the end, he wil give youfive days to get out. If you fail to do so, your landlord can go back to the court and request a setout, where constables will come and litterally toss your stuff out onto the lawn. If you are in an upper story unit, they may choose to do this out the windows.
I recommend contacting every charitable organization you can think of tomorrow and ask what they can do to help you with housing money, food assistance, and job -- in that order.
posted by ilsa at 2:10 PM on December 25, 2005
As for the eviction, I've got bad news there. The first step in the eviction process for non-payment of rent is a 3 day order to vacate. The only nice thing I can say about this document is that it freezes your late fees. Some landlords don't know that. Some landlords also don't know they can only charge 15 days worth of late fees. Please be aware that if you manage to pay some money, it will be applied to absolutely anything you owe other than rent before one dime gets applied to your outstanding rent. That's because he can't evict you for non-payment of late fees.
The next step of eviction depends how fast your landlord acts (how badly he wants you gone). Four or more days after the notice to vacate, he may go to the courthouse and request an eviction hearing. This costs him money, so if he thinks you're leaving of your own accord he probably won't bother. The court then sets a date and sends a constable to notify you. This date is probably less than a week later. The holidays would normally work in your favor, but the big ones are on the weekend this year.
At the court hearing, (don't be late!) you should expect to hear a lot of sad sad stories before your case comes up, and I think you will find that in most cases all the judge wants to know is "listen, did you pay the rent or not?" At the end, he wil give youfive days to get out. If you fail to do so, your landlord can go back to the court and request a setout, where constables will come and litterally toss your stuff out onto the lawn. If you are in an upper story unit, they may choose to do this out the windows.
I recommend contacting every charitable organization you can think of tomorrow and ask what they can do to help you with housing money, food assistance, and job -- in that order.
posted by ilsa at 2:10 PM on December 25, 2005
PS, Good luck. I hope New Years is better than Chrstmas for you.
posted by ilsa at 2:12 PM on December 25, 2005
posted by ilsa at 2:12 PM on December 25, 2005
If you went to your mother's (with the two kids you're the dad of?) would your wife and stepdaughter have somewhere to go?
posted by By The Grace of God at 2:13 PM on December 25, 2005
posted by By The Grace of God at 2:13 PM on December 25, 2005
My dad volunteers for something like Modest Needs through his church, giving small amounts of donated money to people in need. He interviews them and decides on the spot. Perhaps some local churches offer something similar.
posted by dmo at 2:32 PM on December 25, 2005
posted by dmo at 2:32 PM on December 25, 2005
Sure, then they start asking for cash.
Have you really never gotten a free consult before? Just about every traffic lawyer I know does them, with no obligation. They lay out the situation for you, discuss the legal options, and then leave it up to you to hire them or not. In one case I was involved in, the lawyer said "You really don't need a lawyer for this."
Really, you're being dumb if you don't get a free consult from a lawyer to help you out of your driver's license mess.
posted by mediareport at 4:33 PM on December 25, 2005
Have you really never gotten a free consult before? Just about every traffic lawyer I know does them, with no obligation. They lay out the situation for you, discuss the legal options, and then leave it up to you to hire them or not. In one case I was involved in, the lawyer said "You really don't need a lawyer for this."
Really, you're being dumb if you don't get a free consult from a lawyer to help you out of your driver's license mess.
posted by mediareport at 4:33 PM on December 25, 2005
Hi IronLizard (I know you wanted only advice, but maybe we can help each other)
Can I hire you for something? I currently have numerous scanned 'material' which I do OCR (optical character recognition) on, to create plaintext for personal use. (Since I own the original material, I consider this Fair Use.) The OCR output is fully of spelling mistakes. I've been going through it slowly, but I'd love some help. Your spelling-checking doesn't have to be perfect, just a 95% improvement on the OCR output.
I'll email you a PDF file and the plaintext that I have, for each case (I can give you a gmail account, which we would share). It usually takes me 5 hours to read through and correct 250 pages. I'll pay you upfront for 5 hours. You email me back the results, and if we're both happy, we'll do the next 5 hours.
You'll get a bonus if you're interested in the content enough to take notes high-lighting the most interesting parts.
This is just a part-time gig - I only do a couple books this way a month, although I have a backlog right now. (These are mostly older books, that don't come in digital format.)
posted by mediaddict at 5:59 PM on December 25, 2005
Can I hire you for something? I currently have numerous scanned 'material' which I do OCR (optical character recognition) on, to create plaintext for personal use. (Since I own the original material, I consider this Fair Use.) The OCR output is fully of spelling mistakes. I've been going through it slowly, but I'd love some help. Your spelling-checking doesn't have to be perfect, just a 95% improvement on the OCR output.
I'll email you a PDF file and the plaintext that I have, for each case (I can give you a gmail account, which we would share). It usually takes me 5 hours to read through and correct 250 pages. I'll pay you upfront for 5 hours. You email me back the results, and if we're both happy, we'll do the next 5 hours.
You'll get a bonus if you're interested in the content enough to take notes high-lighting the most interesting parts.
This is just a part-time gig - I only do a couple books this way a month, although I have a backlog right now. (These are mostly older books, that don't come in digital format.)
posted by mediaddict at 5:59 PM on December 25, 2005
Your writing reminds me of a relative who has some minor mental health issues. I think you need to take whatever appropriate meds you can get your hands on so you can slow down and think straight. I'm not sure how you can do that, but I know it's hard to function from within the fog.
posted by craniac at 6:38 PM on December 25, 2005
posted by craniac at 6:38 PM on December 25, 2005
Sold, sir. No need to pay up front, as craniac noted I'm not in top form right now If you like it great, if not, i'll redo it. email details to [email removed by request]. My grammar and spelling are quite a bit better than what I've been displaying here.
posted by IronLizard at 7:08 PM on December 25, 2005
posted by IronLizard at 7:08 PM on December 25, 2005
Good luck, IronLizard. I have been very close to where you are (financially and emotionally) and made it through with the help of a very kind and generous family. My one bit of advice is more emotional than financial, but here it is: fight the tendency towards the "Yeah Buts". When things are looking bleak and frustrating, it is easy to respond to any advice or ideas with a reason (or reasons) why they will not work. I.E. lawyers will eventually want money, we can't get rent support because we're not on the street, yada yada. When you are in this situation you must follow up every lead and possibility with extra determination (I know that depression makes this more difficult than normal). If the paperwork for food stamps is being delayed, go down to wherever the papers are right now and talk (nicely) to them about any possible acceleration in the process. Talk to a lawyer as much as you can (maybe a couple of them). Call each and every creditor and explain the situation to them and see if you can work out some kind of payment deferrment until you are more stable.
Also, make sure you and the wife are on the EXACT same page about all this. If you are keeping the extent of the trouble from her at all or are not getting from her the help/support you need, you are damaging your relationship, which will only make this harder to get through. Be a team -- you are stronger that way.
Next Christmas will be better.
posted by Rock Steady at 10:36 PM on December 25, 2005
Also, make sure you and the wife are on the EXACT same page about all this. If you are keeping the extent of the trouble from her at all or are not getting from her the help/support you need, you are damaging your relationship, which will only make this harder to get through. Be a team -- you are stronger that way.
Next Christmas will be better.
posted by Rock Steady at 10:36 PM on December 25, 2005
I don't know if this has been suggested, but maybe you can talk to your doctor about your access to antidepressants. Maybe they can give you samples to tide you over until you get back on your feet. I once had a my pld GP give me a month's worth of Wellbutrin when my old insurance wouldn't pay for it, and had to wait for the new insurance to kick in.
Good luck!
posted by spinifex23 at 12:21 AM on December 26, 2005
Good luck!
posted by spinifex23 at 12:21 AM on December 26, 2005
Anyone up for putting together a PayPal fund for this chap and his family? I'll start the pot with a $20 donation if IronLizard provides an e-mail address for payments and logs his progress and target (maybe on his blog).
posted by rc55 at 6:47 AM on December 26, 2005
posted by rc55 at 6:47 AM on December 26, 2005
Anyone up for putting together a PayPal fund for this chap and his family? I'll start the pot with a $20 donation if IronLizard provides an e-mail address for payments and logs his progress and target (maybe on his blog).
I've read this entire thread and my bullshit detector is still pinging.
If you really feel compelled to drop cash on this situation, take that 20 and donate it to the food bank or the other charities that could help this person out.
posted by pieoverdone at 9:19 AM on December 26, 2005
I've read this entire thread and my bullshit detector is still pinging.
If you really feel compelled to drop cash on this situation, take that 20 and donate it to the food bank or the other charities that could help this person out.
posted by pieoverdone at 9:19 AM on December 26, 2005
I've read this entire thread and my bullshit detector is still pinging.
He's emphatically stated that he doesn't want any handouts, only advice. He accepted an offer for honest part-time work and refused to take the money up front, but that's not exactly accepting charity. Cynicism is generally a good trait, but it's not warranted here imo.
posted by Devils Slide at 9:47 AM on December 26, 2005
He's emphatically stated that he doesn't want any handouts, only advice. He accepted an offer for honest part-time work and refused to take the money up front, but that's not exactly accepting charity. Cynicism is generally a good trait, but it's not warranted here imo.
posted by Devils Slide at 9:47 AM on December 26, 2005
Don't know what your creed is, but you could try going to local churches and asking for some help. In my area, there is an organization called Christian Community Assistance with member churches of many faiths that provides aid, including financial, to families that run into unexpected problems. In our area, though, the person/family needs to be referred by a member church (well, maybe not needs to be, but it doesn't hurt).
posted by Doohickie at 10:53 AM on December 26, 2005
posted by Doohickie at 10:53 AM on December 26, 2005
Getting antidepressants without being on SSI: NeedyMeds has information about medication assistance programs for lots of drugs. The requirements vary from program to program.
Also, I don't know what medication you were on, but FYI generic Prozac (and some other generics as well) is dirt-cheap from Costco online, and you do not need a membership to order.
posted by needs more cowbell at 11:10 AM on December 26, 2005
Also, I don't know what medication you were on, but FYI generic Prozac (and some other generics as well) is dirt-cheap from Costco online, and you do not need a membership to order.
posted by needs more cowbell at 11:10 AM on December 26, 2005
Can I get an ID? There's a warrant. Does DPS carry out those from other municipalities?
I worked for the DPS until recently, and YES THEY WILL ARREST YOU if there is an outstanding warrant and you go to try to get a state ID. There is a trooper in every DPS office just for this purpose. Whenever you get your legal ducks in a row, make sure whatever warrant was issued against you is removed from TCIC (the law enforcement database) and then you can get a state ID for cheap. You can then use that ID to get employment.
And as for mental health care, I myself have been indigent and insuranceless and in need of mental health care and meds in Texas, and I would say get thee to the county mental health service for the county in which you reside. They offer care on a sliding scale based on your income. When I wasn't working, it was free for me (and I was on three expensive meds - they signed me up for special indigent programs with the pharmaceutical companies that gave me free pills). Just a warning, though - be prepared for a wait before they will see you initially (unless you consider yourself in major crisis right now and make your case for this effectively to them), and there will likely be all sorts of paperwork and bureaucratic hoo-ha you have to deal with, but you CAN get care and I urge you to do so. Just look in your phone book in the government pages for (I'm guessing) Bexar County MHMR or something like that. MHMR stands for Mental Health and Mental Retardation. Your tax dollars at work! (basically in the US you can get free mental health care because we can't have schizos without meds freaking out the Normals now, can we? :)
Good luck. You really need to get that legal crap taken care of. That's a hell of a load to have over your head.... yow.
posted by beth at 1:01 PM on December 26, 2005
I worked for the DPS until recently, and YES THEY WILL ARREST YOU if there is an outstanding warrant and you go to try to get a state ID. There is a trooper in every DPS office just for this purpose. Whenever you get your legal ducks in a row, make sure whatever warrant was issued against you is removed from TCIC (the law enforcement database) and then you can get a state ID for cheap. You can then use that ID to get employment.
And as for mental health care, I myself have been indigent and insuranceless and in need of mental health care and meds in Texas, and I would say get thee to the county mental health service for the county in which you reside. They offer care on a sliding scale based on your income. When I wasn't working, it was free for me (and I was on three expensive meds - they signed me up for special indigent programs with the pharmaceutical companies that gave me free pills). Just a warning, though - be prepared for a wait before they will see you initially (unless you consider yourself in major crisis right now and make your case for this effectively to them), and there will likely be all sorts of paperwork and bureaucratic hoo-ha you have to deal with, but you CAN get care and I urge you to do so. Just look in your phone book in the government pages for (I'm guessing) Bexar County MHMR or something like that. MHMR stands for Mental Health and Mental Retardation. Your tax dollars at work! (basically in the US you can get free mental health care because we can't have schizos without meds freaking out the Normals now, can we? :)
Good luck. You really need to get that legal crap taken care of. That's a hell of a load to have over your head.... yow.
posted by beth at 1:01 PM on December 26, 2005
Admin? Help? I need to remove my email address from above. A very kind gentleman e-mailed to offer me some money. I can't take it please and would rather no further attempts be made. The situation has changed drastically and the rent may now be a moot point.
posted by IronLizard at 1:43 PM on December 26, 2005
posted by IronLizard at 1:43 PM on December 26, 2005
Mod note: email address removed at poster's request
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:27 PM on December 26, 2005
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:27 PM on December 26, 2005
care to update us on the drastic changes please?
posted by By The Grace of God at 4:06 PM on December 26, 2005
posted by By The Grace of God at 4:06 PM on December 26, 2005
Maybe anonimously, but that would be too obvious at this point. It's not something I can say over a semi-anonimous account.
I have to say though, my wife nearly busted me upside the head when she found out I'd turned down help from the above mentioned individual (who wishes to remain anonymous). I bit the bullet and said yes. We'll have the rent paid by tomorrow morning (we haven't been able to pick up the funds yet). The utilities should be good by the end of the week (thanks to bexar utility district) and things are looking unbelievably better. I can't say anything more till tomorrow but thank you, everyone.
Mediaaddict: I'm still working on the OCR, it's been hectic today but I've sent a couple of 'in progress' sections to your e-mail (in case you see this first). Please let me know what you think.
posted by IronLizard at 8:59 PM on December 26, 2005
I have to say though, my wife nearly busted me upside the head when she found out I'd turned down help from the above mentioned individual (who wishes to remain anonymous). I bit the bullet and said yes. We'll have the rent paid by tomorrow morning (we haven't been able to pick up the funds yet). The utilities should be good by the end of the week (thanks to bexar utility district) and things are looking unbelievably better. I can't say anything more till tomorrow but thank you, everyone.
Mediaaddict: I'm still working on the OCR, it's been hectic today but I've sent a couple of 'in progress' sections to your e-mail (in case you see this first). Please let me know what you think.
posted by IronLizard at 8:59 PM on December 26, 2005
yay.
posted by generic230 at 11:12 PM on December 26, 2005
posted by generic230 at 11:12 PM on December 26, 2005
Yay your wife! :) and yay you for listening to her. It's very hard to accept help, but accepting help is a sign of strength and bravery.
posted by By The Grace of God at 3:50 AM on December 27, 2005
posted by By The Grace of God at 3:50 AM on December 27, 2005
(for any skeptics in the audience) IronLizard is on the up-and-up. I've gotten the sections, and he's done a decent job on them. His help could get my little design engineering--cribsheet--memory aid--wiki pet project moving forward again ...a win-win situation.
posted by mediaddict at 8:43 AM on December 27, 2005
posted by mediaddict at 8:43 AM on December 27, 2005
Matt, put this thread in the sidebar! This is one of the awesomest things ever to happen on MeFi, and God bless you all.
posted by By The Grace of God at 10:16 AM on December 27, 2005
posted by By The Grace of God at 10:16 AM on December 27, 2005
Excellence! Keep us posted. I've got this bookmarked. :)
posted by rc55 at 4:14 PM on December 27, 2005
posted by rc55 at 4:14 PM on December 27, 2005
I've been waiting to say anything because I was really hoping for a happy ending. I'm sorry. The money was, as I found out the morning after christmas, the least of our problems. I couldn't fix it.
posted by IronLizard at 12:16 PM on December 28, 2005
posted by IronLizard at 12:16 PM on December 28, 2005
Please let us know what we can do, if anything. Hundreds of us are watching and care a heck of a lot.
posted by By The Grace of God at 12:26 PM on December 28, 2005
posted by By The Grace of God at 12:26 PM on December 28, 2005
I'm starting over. Mediaddict has sent the payment for the OCR work I did (I really hope he liked it) and, combined with what I managed to talk my wife out of from the money a really good man sent us, should get me set straight. I screwed up. I had him send it in her name since I had no ID. Not that it would have mattered much, I couldn't let her go with nothing and two kids (my oldest is from a previous marriage and I've sent him to my ex for a while). But even after she had it, she was trying to work things out (in her head, I suppose, I really tried) She was saying some bad things before she left about her life being over and how she felt suicidal and other things. Before you call me an idiot for letting her leave with the kids, you have to understand that I had no choice. You would have to know her. She should be back to pick up some more things later, she said. I can't really figure this out. I really did forgive her, i'm no angel.
posted by IronLizard at 1:03 PM on December 28, 2005
posted by IronLizard at 1:03 PM on December 28, 2005
Oh, wow.
Email's in my profile, please get in touch if there's any way I can be of assistance, even if just talking.
You and your family are in my prayers.
posted by By The Grace of God at 1:57 PM on December 28, 2005
Email's in my profile, please get in touch if there's any way I can be of assistance, even if just talking.
You and your family are in my prayers.
posted by By The Grace of God at 1:57 PM on December 28, 2005
It's also important that if she's suicidal you need to assess whether the kids are in a safe situation. Is she arrived somewhere where the kids are safe and supervised by a stable and healthy person?
posted by By The Grace of God at 2:02 PM on December 28, 2005
posted by By The Grace of God at 2:02 PM on December 28, 2005
No. This isn't right. She's not where she said she was going and shes not where I thought she would be. She hasn't called either. My ex-wife is coming by in a minute (long story) and I'm going to talk to her and maybe see what to do. I've been drinking since she left (my wife and her 'friend' bought me a bottle of seagrams for my birthday) and I'm thinking it was a mistake since it's never done any good. I'm worried.
In fact, I think they bought the damn thing just so I'd get in trouble and be rid of me, since I quit drinking a long time back (with the exception of a twelve pack a few weeks ago and guess what: they bought me that too).
posted by IronLizard at 2:12 PM on December 28, 2005
In fact, I think they bought the damn thing just so I'd get in trouble and be rid of me, since I quit drinking a long time back (with the exception of a twelve pack a few weeks ago and guess what: they bought me that too).
posted by IronLizard at 2:12 PM on December 28, 2005
Please put the seagrams aside for now...?
Are your kids safe?
Is there a way to figure out whether they are safe?
Are you concerned (legitimately) that they could be in danger?
Can you phone her and ask to talk to your kids to check their safety?
Are you a reasonable judge (mental illness; drinking;) of their, your, or anyone's safety?
Where did they say they were going? Are there acquaintances of your wife or her friend that could reach her, if she won't reach you?
Of course I know less than half of the situation here, so bear with me if I am being stupid.
posted by By The Grace of God at 2:38 PM on December 28, 2005
Are your kids safe?
Is there a way to figure out whether they are safe?
Are you concerned (legitimately) that they could be in danger?
Can you phone her and ask to talk to your kids to check their safety?
Are you a reasonable judge (mental illness; drinking;) of their, your, or anyone's safety?
Where did they say they were going? Are there acquaintances of your wife or her friend that could reach her, if she won't reach you?
Of course I know less than half of the situation here, so bear with me if I am being stupid.
posted by By The Grace of God at 2:38 PM on December 28, 2005
And, your wife is gone, so let me send you an email, please. Send me one at bythegraceofgod@gmail.com I won't betray your confidence and I won't bite.
posted by By The Grace of God at 2:44 PM on December 28, 2005
posted by By The Grace of God at 2:44 PM on December 28, 2005
I think they're fine. I doun't think she would do anything stupid with them there. I've called everyone I know so far, nothing. I can't even reasonably judge my own marriage on my best days. She said they were going to a friends in the country (I had thought they were completely at odds with each other until last night). I don't know. You're asking the right questions but I just dont know.
My ex-wife just left, she dropped off some things my mother sent for the kids and me a sweater. She was encouraging (where was that during our marriage?????) and said that the threats my wife had made about them teaming up on me for custody of my oldest were baseless and probably an attempt at creating animosity between us. This is getting really deep.
posted by IronLizard at 2:49 PM on December 28, 2005
My ex-wife just left, she dropped off some things my mother sent for the kids and me a sweater. She was encouraging (where was that during our marriage?????) and said that the threats my wife had made about them teaming up on me for custody of my oldest were baseless and probably an attempt at creating animosity between us. This is getting really deep.
posted by IronLizard at 2:49 PM on December 28, 2005
Okay, I am glad you think they are fine.
Really put the seagram's down, you may need to make a decision in the next while, best to be prepared for it.
Does she have a phone that you can call? You need to document in detail everything that's going on right now, to ensure your proper action and your future relationship with your kids.
I also would suggest you put aside all thoughts of fault or blame right now - just focus on problem solving until the crisis is over. Don't feel any animosity for now. You are God's creature, or at least a creature of this earth, with the right to think and act freely and rationally and the right to respect, to medical treatment for your mental illness, and to have a relationship with your kids. You have a right to those things.
I am on UK time and have to go to bed shortly but I will check back here in the morning. And also I will check my email.
You are in my thoughts. Signing off for now.
posted by By The Grace of God at 2:55 PM on December 28, 2005
Really put the seagram's down, you may need to make a decision in the next while, best to be prepared for it.
Does she have a phone that you can call? You need to document in detail everything that's going on right now, to ensure your proper action and your future relationship with your kids.
I also would suggest you put aside all thoughts of fault or blame right now - just focus on problem solving until the crisis is over. Don't feel any animosity for now. You are God's creature, or at least a creature of this earth, with the right to think and act freely and rationally and the right to respect, to medical treatment for your mental illness, and to have a relationship with your kids. You have a right to those things.
I am on UK time and have to go to bed shortly but I will check back here in the morning. And also I will check my email.
You are in my thoughts. Signing off for now.
posted by By The Grace of God at 2:55 PM on December 28, 2005
Mom won't answer the phone, everyone else is gone and I'm sitting in a trashed apartment (my son did it during the problems, no I didn't go nuts and no, I'm not going to, I think)
I really want to thank everyone who stopped to say something encouraging and especially mediaadict (for helping me to help myself) and (anonymous donor that I'll be forever indebted to). I'm more sorry than you could ever know that I couldn't bring a happy ending to this. I really tried. I'm going for a walk for the first time in years.
posted by IronLizard at 4:37 PM on December 28, 2005
I really want to thank everyone who stopped to say something encouraging and especially mediaadict (for helping me to help myself) and (anonymous donor that I'll be forever indebted to). I'm more sorry than you could ever know that I couldn't bring a happy ending to this. I really tried. I'm going for a walk for the first time in years.
posted by IronLizard at 4:37 PM on December 28, 2005
Screw this. i'm getting her back. I have the Z, for as long as it lasts. It's illegal but then so am I. There's only two places she could be and I'm going there one way or the other. I love my wife no matter what. If she won't come with me I'm not coming back.
posted by IronLizard at 5:29 PM on December 28, 2005
posted by IronLizard at 5:29 PM on December 28, 2005
IronLizard, this disaster took a long time to create. It is not going to be solved in a short time. However, you need to make a list of the steps you need to take to get things back to right, Number 1: Stay Sober. Pour out all your booze. Go to AA if that's not too "douchy" for you. Even if it is, you should probably do it anyway. You could use the kind of support they can give. Number 2: Locate your children. I don't care about your wife. Get everyone you can think of to help. Including the police. This is serious. If you do not feel comfortable calling the police, then can someone else in your family do it? Your mother, for example? Number three: See number 1 & 2.
These are two very bad, very serious problems. You cannot move forward on anything else while you are drinking, nor while you don't know where your children are, or if they are safe. I know you know this, I've read your other posts and I can tell you are smart and literate. By literate I mean you have a way with words. Not, "you can read". But, maybe someone needs to point you in the right direction.
If you are stuck, if people are looking for your kids and all you can do is sit and wait... Shower and shave. Clean your apartment. This will make you feel less at a loss and less like a failure. As long as you sit in that mess, you see nothing but everything that has gone wrong.
The other thing? If it were me, I would sit down and, without any defenses or shame, I would write everything that I needed to do to correct this. As you write each thing, like, "pay ticket" keep breaking it down to the smallest step you can take today to do this. I was a suicidal depressive who was failing until I was in my 30's. I was broke, and deeply in credit card debt. I had borrowed money from so many people, and slept on friends couches for years. I wanted to be a writer. It seemed impossible. I lived in Texas. I wrote a list of absolutely everything I would need to do to become a TV writer. I broke it down into steps that I could do now. What is the smallest thing I can do to start this? Buy paper was number one. There were about 50 things on the list. I am a writer now. I won an emmy. It's been 17 years to get here though. See what I mean? It seems like an amazing story, but everyone forgets it's been 17 years. It took 4 before I got hired as a writer and another 6 before I hit my stride.
I realize you are not going to have a happy ending today, this week, this month. But, do not quit yet. The truth of your situation is as I said above: it took years to create, it will take years to rebuild. You can still say you started today. Keep your list with you, stay on task. Stay sober. Stay out of self-pity, take care of business.
posted by generic230 at 5:33 PM on December 28, 2005 [1 favorite]
These are two very bad, very serious problems. You cannot move forward on anything else while you are drinking, nor while you don't know where your children are, or if they are safe. I know you know this, I've read your other posts and I can tell you are smart and literate. By literate I mean you have a way with words. Not, "you can read". But, maybe someone needs to point you in the right direction.
If you are stuck, if people are looking for your kids and all you can do is sit and wait... Shower and shave. Clean your apartment. This will make you feel less at a loss and less like a failure. As long as you sit in that mess, you see nothing but everything that has gone wrong.
The other thing? If it were me, I would sit down and, without any defenses or shame, I would write everything that I needed to do to correct this. As you write each thing, like, "pay ticket" keep breaking it down to the smallest step you can take today to do this. I was a suicidal depressive who was failing until I was in my 30's. I was broke, and deeply in credit card debt. I had borrowed money from so many people, and slept on friends couches for years. I wanted to be a writer. It seemed impossible. I lived in Texas. I wrote a list of absolutely everything I would need to do to become a TV writer. I broke it down into steps that I could do now. What is the smallest thing I can do to start this? Buy paper was number one. There were about 50 things on the list. I am a writer now. I won an emmy. It's been 17 years to get here though. See what I mean? It seems like an amazing story, but everyone forgets it's been 17 years. It took 4 before I got hired as a writer and another 6 before I hit my stride.
I realize you are not going to have a happy ending today, this week, this month. But, do not quit yet. The truth of your situation is as I said above: it took years to create, it will take years to rebuild. You can still say you started today. Keep your list with you, stay on task. Stay sober. Stay out of self-pity, take care of business.
posted by generic230 at 5:33 PM on December 28, 2005 [1 favorite]
I can't start the thing and you're right in a way. The problem isn't, and never has been, talent. I'm good at many odd things. It's me. I've been a fucking loser most of my life and it isn't stopping no matter how much smarter I am than the jackass I meet next door. He's better off. He has no idea how much he doesn't know and how much further he could have gotten had he not wasted his life on crap. She's back
posted by IronLizard at 5:47 PM on December 28, 2005
posted by IronLizard at 5:47 PM on December 28, 2005
IronLizard, please don't let all your problems coagulate into one huge oppressive ball. As others have said, tackle them one at a time. And please put away the seagrams; it may help numb you for a few minutes or hours, but it's also going to make you more despondent.
Talk things through with the folks who are begging you to e-mail them. This too shall pass.
posted by Devils Slide at 11:45 PM on December 28, 2005
Talk things through with the folks who are begging you to e-mail them. This too shall pass.
posted by Devils Slide at 11:45 PM on December 28, 2005
And this may sound trite, but try to get some good sleep (even if it's a nap), take a long hot shower, shave, and put on your nicest clothes. It'll affect your mindset and self image positively. I've heard this seemingly trivial piece of advice from a few doctors and shrinks, and it really does help.
Also, I don't know your wife, but if you could plead for her to join forces with you for the benefit of the kids and the collective family (even if it's the furthest thing from her mind at the moment) for the time being, that would help immeasurably. You guys need to be a team right now.
posted by Devils Slide at 12:40 AM on December 29, 2005
Also, I don't know your wife, but if you could plead for her to join forces with you for the benefit of the kids and the collective family (even if it's the furthest thing from her mind at the moment) for the time being, that would help immeasurably. You guys need to be a team right now.
posted by Devils Slide at 12:40 AM on December 29, 2005
I think there's going to be a happy ending, after all.
posted by IronLizard at 3:47 PM on December 29, 2005
posted by IronLizard at 3:47 PM on December 29, 2005
Awesome :)
posted by Devils Slide at 10:36 PM on December 29, 2005
posted by Devils Slide at 10:36 PM on December 29, 2005
Have been reading this thread for the last few days and just wanted to offer my support. Hang in there, IronLizard, next Christmas will be better than the last!
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 12:22 PM on December 30, 2005
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 12:22 PM on December 30, 2005
Wow. Just, wow. I'm totally amazed here, reading this.
posted by nevercalm at 10:09 AM on December 31, 2005
posted by nevercalm at 10:09 AM on December 31, 2005
Hey mediaaddict, would you please contact me about this in the email in my profile? Thanks.
posted by By The Grace of God at 7:19 AM on January 10, 2006
posted by By The Grace of God at 7:19 AM on January 10, 2006
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by chrismear at 11:30 AM on December 25, 2005