Advice for A Graduate
June 10, 2005 12:11 PM Subscribe
My 18 year old brother is graduating high school next week. I am compiling a book of "advice for living" for him as a grad gift. Does anyone have any good advice or anecdotes they would like to offer? Some suggested topics are Drugs, Being a Musician/Artist (he's an accomplished guitar player), Sex, Dating, Working, Money, Lifestyle, Cooking, Home Decorating, Women, Being a Man etc.
Please be frank and honest. I am trying to tell him things that may actually help him in life instead of the crap advice I got as a kid. Thanks!
Please be frank and honest. I am trying to tell him things that may actually help him in life instead of the crap advice I got as a kid. Thanks!
Honestly, this sounds like the worst gift ever thought of. Give your brother some money and quit being such a grandma.
posted by andrewzipp at 12:47 PM on June 10, 2005
posted by andrewzipp at 12:47 PM on June 10, 2005
He may have phrased it a bit bluntly, but I think andrewwzipp has a point. Actively pushing advice onto people seems to have an adverse effect; some things can only be learned by experience. Just continue being the great guy you are and do advise him when he comes asking for some!
The most important piece of meta-advice you can give is probably "be yourself, seek your own path". It's a cliché, but oh so true.
posted by koenie at 1:07 PM on June 10, 2005
The most important piece of meta-advice you can give is probably "be yourself, seek your own path". It's a cliché, but oh so true.
posted by koenie at 1:07 PM on June 10, 2005
Best answer: You are not unique and you will not change the world.
Being a dick to people will come back to haunt you.
If someone ODs in your house, just hide your drugs and call an ambulance, it's better than letting them die.
posted by cmonkey at 1:09 PM on June 10, 2005
Being a dick to people will come back to haunt you.
If someone ODs in your house, just hide your drugs and call an ambulance, it's better than letting them die.
posted by cmonkey at 1:09 PM on June 10, 2005
Best answer: "Life does not reward those who piss on the people around them."
Witness the first comment.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 1:09 PM on June 10, 2005
Witness the first comment.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 1:09 PM on June 10, 2005
Best answer: andrewzipp, please take a look at the little grey letters below the comment box, where it says: "Please limit comments
to answers or help in finding an answer. Wisecracks don't help people find answers. Thanks."
evilcupcakes, this is a fantastic idea for a gift. I would advise the following:
Try to get out of the country for at least a few months while you're in the 19-24 age range. It's incredibly educational, fun as hell, and necessary for perspective on the world. Doesn't matter where you go -- just choose one place and spend the whole time there. You will get a lot more out of several months spent in one place, even if it is a tiny Romanian village, than you will get out of a whirlwind tour of every European country with a bunch of Americans.
posted by jennyjenny at 1:12 PM on June 10, 2005
to answers or help in finding an answer. Wisecracks don't help people find answers. Thanks."
evilcupcakes, this is a fantastic idea for a gift. I would advise the following:
Try to get out of the country for at least a few months while you're in the 19-24 age range. It's incredibly educational, fun as hell, and necessary for perspective on the world. Doesn't matter where you go -- just choose one place and spend the whole time there. You will get a lot more out of several months spent in one place, even if it is a tiny Romanian village, than you will get out of a whirlwind tour of every European country with a bunch of Americans.
posted by jennyjenny at 1:12 PM on June 10, 2005
Best answer: Drugs:
You can turn your back on a man, never turn you back on a drug.
Being a Musician/Artist:
Day job, son.
Working:
Quit a job before you fall asleep at it. You can change your mind about what you want to do with your life right up until the last minute.
Sex:
It's awesome, don't dilute it however and be polite.
Dating:
Be funny.
Money:
Pay cash for everything, debt is useless unless it leads to equity.
Lifestyle:
If you can't fuck it and it doesn't dance, eat it or throw it away.
Cooking:
Lots of garlic, sharp knives, timing is everything.
Home Decorating:
Posters are wack, frame photographs and hang paintings by your friends. If your couch sucks put a sheet over it. No swords on the walls unless you currently own a castle.
Women:
Are smarter than you, react accordingly. If you meet a woman who is not smarter than you, run away very fast.
Being a Man:
Decline to fight at all opportunities. If you must fight try to win, but don't sniffle if you lose. Buy drinks when it's your round. Always be polite. Never ever snitch.
But yeah, maybe just get him drunk on a nice bottle of bourbon and give him a speech. He's gonna ignore it and make his own mistakes anyway.
Might be nice in a look how much my sister loves me kind of way.
posted by Divine_Wino at 1:15 PM on June 10, 2005
You can turn your back on a man, never turn you back on a drug.
Being a Musician/Artist:
Day job, son.
Working:
Quit a job before you fall asleep at it. You can change your mind about what you want to do with your life right up until the last minute.
Sex:
It's awesome, don't dilute it however and be polite.
Dating:
Be funny.
Money:
Pay cash for everything, debt is useless unless it leads to equity.
Lifestyle:
If you can't fuck it and it doesn't dance, eat it or throw it away.
Cooking:
Lots of garlic, sharp knives, timing is everything.
Home Decorating:
Posters are wack, frame photographs and hang paintings by your friends. If your couch sucks put a sheet over it. No swords on the walls unless you currently own a castle.
Women:
Are smarter than you, react accordingly. If you meet a woman who is not smarter than you, run away very fast.
Being a Man:
Decline to fight at all opportunities. If you must fight try to win, but don't sniffle if you lose. Buy drinks when it's your round. Always be polite. Never ever snitch.
But yeah, maybe just get him drunk on a nice bottle of bourbon and give him a speech. He's gonna ignore it and make his own mistakes anyway.
Might be nice in a look how much my sister loves me kind of way.
posted by Divine_Wino at 1:15 PM on June 10, 2005
Is he going to college? If so, "advice for living" consists of 1. wear a rubber and 2. don't get a credit card.
If not, advice should be "go to college."
Everything else is premature. Or at least secondary.
also, what andrewzipp said. Taking the kid out for abeer coffee and a good conversation will do more than an advice book.
posted by Saucy Intruder at 1:17 PM on June 10, 2005
If not, advice should be "go to college."
Everything else is premature. Or at least secondary.
also, what andrewzipp said. Taking the kid out for a
posted by Saucy Intruder at 1:17 PM on June 10, 2005
Response by poster: Try to get out of the country for at least a few months while you're in the 19-24 age range.
Thank you jennyjenny, that is very helpful!
Honestly, this sounds like the worst gift ever thought of. Give your brother some money and quit being such a grandma.
Hm, well I would if it weren't for the fact that I just had to take 2 months off to have major surgery I certainly would do something material. But hey, keep those snap judgements coming! It's always best to insult someone when you know nothing about them or their situation.
I won't take grandma comment as an insult since I actually like my grandma.
posted by evilcupcakes at 1:21 PM on June 10, 2005
Thank you jennyjenny, that is very helpful!
Honestly, this sounds like the worst gift ever thought of. Give your brother some money and quit being such a grandma.
Hm, well I would if it weren't for the fact that I just had to take 2 months off to have major surgery I certainly would do something material. But hey, keep those snap judgements coming! It's always best to insult someone when you know nothing about them or their situation.
I won't take grandma comment as an insult since I actually like my grandma.
posted by evilcupcakes at 1:21 PM on June 10, 2005
What you'll Wish You'd Known - Paul Graham
posted by badger_flammable at 1:23 PM on June 10, 2005 [1 favorite]
posted by badger_flammable at 1:23 PM on June 10, 2005 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Might be nice in a look how much my sister loves me kind of way.
Ultimately, that is my objective. I dont' care if he follows the advice, maybe he will find it useful maybe he won't, but he will at least know I cared and tried to do something meaningful for his graduation even if I couldn't afford much.
And that is some good advice Divine_Wino!
posted by evilcupcakes at 1:24 PM on June 10, 2005
Ultimately, that is my objective. I dont' care if he follows the advice, maybe he will find it useful maybe he won't, but he will at least know I cared and tried to do something meaningful for his graduation even if I couldn't afford much.
And that is some good advice Divine_Wino!
posted by evilcupcakes at 1:24 PM on June 10, 2005
Personally I'm with andrewzipp, but if you can't be pursuaded otherwise, at that age I found many of the Heinlein-as-Lazarus-Long aphorisms in Time Enough for Love, tho nowadays he reads like a proto-bigot know-it-all. Still, some of them are salvageable. Link.
There is also a lot of good stuff in Kafka's collection of aphorisms (the "Reflections") in the Blue Octavo notebooks, but I loathe to think of them being trivialized into a self-help manual.
I wonder what the reaction would be if the advice was for a young woman, and someone posted:
Men:
Are smarter than you, react accordingly. If you meet a man who is not smarter than you, run away very fast.
posted by ori at 1:41 PM on June 10, 2005
There is also a lot of good stuff in Kafka's collection of aphorisms (the "Reflections") in the Blue Octavo notebooks, but I loathe to think of them being trivialized into a self-help manual.
I wonder what the reaction would be if the advice was for a young woman, and someone posted:
Men:
Are smarter than you, react accordingly. If you meet a man who is not smarter than you, run away very fast.
posted by ori at 1:41 PM on June 10, 2005
Good advice, Saucy Intruder. Don't Get a Credit Card In College should be embossed in blinking gold letters on the front cover of this whole book. Damn straight. The little teddy-bear keychain they give you for "free" just for filling out the application? Ultimately will cost you five thousand dollars.
posted by jennyjenny at 1:42 PM on June 10, 2005
posted by jennyjenny at 1:42 PM on June 10, 2005
"Life does not reward those who piss on the people around them."
Witness the first comment.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 1:09 PM PST on June 10 [!]
Did you mean second comment?
posted by jikel_morten at 1:44 PM on June 10, 2005
Witness the first comment.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 1:09 PM PST on June 10 [!]
Did you mean second comment?
posted by jikel_morten at 1:44 PM on June 10, 2005
Ori:
I hope the reaction would be the same. I was reaching for aphorisms here, which are de facto broad and not applicable to all situations. I have also found women (in general) to be more mature, earlier, than men and to be less a slave to their notions of how one must go about doing things, more flexible and more likely to call bullshit on something. My advice to a young woman would be, Men are stupider than you, if you meet a man who thinks he's smarter than you, run away very fast. But you can chop it up any way you want.
posted by Divine_Wino at 1:49 PM on June 10, 2005
I hope the reaction would be the same. I was reaching for aphorisms here, which are de facto broad and not applicable to all situations. I have also found women (in general) to be more mature, earlier, than men and to be less a slave to their notions of how one must go about doing things, more flexible and more likely to call bullshit on something. My advice to a young woman would be, Men are stupider than you, if you meet a man who thinks he's smarter than you, run away very fast. But you can chop it up any way you want.
posted by Divine_Wino at 1:49 PM on June 10, 2005
Be wary of broad strokes.
posted by jikel_morten at 2:01 PM on June 10, 2005
posted by jikel_morten at 2:01 PM on June 10, 2005
Sigh. Do your best, with the best of intentions and never assume anyone else will give you the benefit of the doubt.
posted by Divine_Wino at 2:10 PM on June 10, 2005
posted by Divine_Wino at 2:10 PM on June 10, 2005
anecdotes, and I apologise for forgetting the source:
What we choose = character.
I'm the artist of myself. We can choose again using an eraser.
Thoughts, beliefs and values are choices.
Every thought takes form on some level.
Make choices based on love.
Be it to do it. If you don't like what you're doing - check your being.
Will drives choice. Intention without will - nothing happens.
Focus on Being - the Doing will follow.
posted by anadem at 2:31 PM on June 10, 2005
What we choose = character.
I'm the artist of myself. We can choose again using an eraser.
Thoughts, beliefs and values are choices.
Every thought takes form on some level.
Make choices based on love.
Be it to do it. If you don't like what you're doing - check your being.
Will drives choice. Intention without will - nothing happens.
Focus on Being - the Doing will follow.
posted by anadem at 2:31 PM on June 10, 2005
Best answer: evilcupcakes, I bet your grandma likes you too. I hope you have a speedy recovery.
Check out this earlier thread; I think there's a lot there you might find useful for this project.
posted by melissa may at 2:33 PM on June 10, 2005
Check out this earlier thread; I think there's a lot there you might find useful for this project.
posted by melissa may at 2:33 PM on June 10, 2005
Best answer: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
posted by box at 2:38 PM on June 10, 2005
posted by box at 2:38 PM on June 10, 2005
Best answer: Pick your roommates wisely, sometimes you need a lawyer to get away from them.
Now is the time of your life that you should be trying hard, falling hard, and getting up quickly.
Do not get arrested, drink out of dixie cups, run when it gets too loud.
Confidence gets you a girl. Responsibility often makes it work out.
Don't hold onto a dream if the dream can't breathe day to day air.
If it breaks, fix it.
Don't judge a person by their accent.
When walking into a structure, locate a secondary exit.
Treat people good, it comes around.
posted by sled at 2:52 PM on June 10, 2005
Now is the time of your life that you should be trying hard, falling hard, and getting up quickly.
Do not get arrested, drink out of dixie cups, run when it gets too loud.
Confidence gets you a girl. Responsibility often makes it work out.
Don't hold onto a dream if the dream can't breathe day to day air.
If it breaks, fix it.
Don't judge a person by their accent.
When walking into a structure, locate a secondary exit.
Treat people good, it comes around.
posted by sled at 2:52 PM on June 10, 2005
Best answer: You know, not to flop around like a hooked fish in this thread, but another one that I really wish someone had told me early on, that has been coming up rather a lot lately and can be backed up by tons of people over time:
When you find yourself at a job you wish to pursue* or with a group of people doing something you wish to do, BUST YOUR ASS, go all out and show that you are game, don't act the prima-donna, don't assume that anything is due to you by virtue of your good looks or connections, do everything in your power to show that you are dedicated to the job, the cause, the deal and do some more, the earlier you apply yourself the better.
I cannot stress this enough. It's shocking the difference between someone starting out with a strong, even forced work ethic and someone who does not.
*You can change your mind later, the great strength of youth is stamina and flexibility.
posted by Divine_Wino at 2:54 PM on June 10, 2005
When you find yourself at a job you wish to pursue* or with a group of people doing something you wish to do, BUST YOUR ASS, go all out and show that you are game, don't act the prima-donna, don't assume that anything is due to you by virtue of your good looks or connections, do everything in your power to show that you are dedicated to the job, the cause, the deal and do some more, the earlier you apply yourself the better.
I cannot stress this enough. It's shocking the difference between someone starting out with a strong, even forced work ethic and someone who does not.
*You can change your mind later, the great strength of youth is stamina and flexibility.
posted by Divine_Wino at 2:54 PM on June 10, 2005
Best answer: Here are a few things that I wish someone told me:
1) You will discover that you have much more control of your life than you ever previously imagined. If you don't like something, you can change it.
2) You'll only ever be bored if you're boring to begin with. Be interested and you'll be interesting.
3) Don't complain unless you're ready to offer a solution. Nobody likes a whiner.
4) Listen to your conscience. It's always right.
5) Telling the truth is always easier than lying.
6) If you don't pay attention, you'll wish you had later.
7) Reliability, patience and honesty might be the three most important virtues. Be those things and surround yourself with people who embody them. If you do that, you'll be fine.
8) Nothing is worth being self-destructive.
posted by Jon-o at 3:07 PM on June 10, 2005 [1 favorite]
1) You will discover that you have much more control of your life than you ever previously imagined. If you don't like something, you can change it.
2) You'll only ever be bored if you're boring to begin with. Be interested and you'll be interesting.
3) Don't complain unless you're ready to offer a solution. Nobody likes a whiner.
4) Listen to your conscience. It's always right.
5) Telling the truth is always easier than lying.
6) If you don't pay attention, you'll wish you had later.
7) Reliability, patience and honesty might be the three most important virtues. Be those things and surround yourself with people who embody them. If you do that, you'll be fine.
8) Nothing is worth being self-destructive.
posted by Jon-o at 3:07 PM on June 10, 2005 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Drugs: One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small. Don't take both at once, and don't drive on either.
Sex: Ask first, then go for it. No always means no, unless you have a safety word. "Harder" is not a good safety word.
Read. Widely. Whatever you can.
Travel. This is better for the personality than reading, and you get more interesting pictures.
Learn at least one purely physical craft or trade that you're good at and enjoy. It will keep you sane.
Stand up for what you believe in, but be open to the beliefs of others.
posted by 5MeoCMP at 3:10 PM on June 10, 2005
Sex: Ask first, then go for it. No always means no, unless you have a safety word. "Harder" is not a good safety word.
Read. Widely. Whatever you can.
Travel. This is better for the personality than reading, and you get more interesting pictures.
Learn at least one purely physical craft or trade that you're good at and enjoy. It will keep you sane.
Stand up for what you believe in, but be open to the beliefs of others.
posted by 5MeoCMP at 3:10 PM on June 10, 2005
I have come home to so many apartments in the past to find my belongings outside with an explanation that I never washed my dishes, which was generally untrue.
Always wash your dishes. In front of other people.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 3:10 PM on June 10, 2005
Always wash your dishes. In front of other people.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 3:10 PM on June 10, 2005
Remember, when it comes to secrets, the law of 0, 1 or infinity applies. Either no one, not even you, knows something, one person (you) knows it, or everyone knows it.
posted by jon_kill at 3:16 PM on June 10, 2005 [1 favorite]
posted by jon_kill at 3:16 PM on June 10, 2005 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I third the bits about spending a good amount of time out of the country (and I'd say even better, someplace off the beaten path) and double triple the bit about not getting a credit card while in college. Additionally:
-always wear a condom. Always.
-pick one type of alcohol and stick with it for the evening. (I always get those rules of thumb, i.e., "wine before beer, never fear" or "beer after liquor, never sicker" mixed up (I probably messed those up just now) so keep it simple and pick one and stick with it. Also, be wary of tequila shots. They are not your friend. )
-a stint in food service is good for you. It build character, and teaches you to...
-tip generously, whenever possible.
-You are responsible for everything that happens to you in life. The more you acknowledge this and take charge, the happier you will be in the long run.
posted by ambrosia at 3:16 PM on June 10, 2005
-always wear a condom. Always.
-pick one type of alcohol and stick with it for the evening. (I always get those rules of thumb, i.e., "wine before beer, never fear" or "beer after liquor, never sicker" mixed up (I probably messed those up just now) so keep it simple and pick one and stick with it. Also, be wary of tequila shots. They are not your friend. )
-a stint in food service is good for you. It build character, and teaches you to...
-tip generously, whenever possible.
-You are responsible for everything that happens to you in life. The more you acknowledge this and take charge, the happier you will be in the long run.
posted by ambrosia at 3:16 PM on June 10, 2005
jon_kill
That is fucking cannon right there. You couldn't be righter.
Ambrosia
-a stint in food service is good for you. It build character, and teaches you to...
-tip generously, whenever possible.
-You are responsible for everything that happens to you in life. The more you acknowledge this and take charge, the happier you will be in the long run.
Should be tattooed on everyone's forearm. Right on.
posted by Divine_Wino at 3:21 PM on June 10, 2005
That is fucking cannon right there. You couldn't be righter.
Ambrosia
-a stint in food service is good for you. It build character, and teaches you to...
-tip generously, whenever possible.
-You are responsible for everything that happens to you in life. The more you acknowledge this and take charge, the happier you will be in the long run.
Should be tattooed on everyone's forearm. Right on.
posted by Divine_Wino at 3:21 PM on June 10, 2005
Best answer: Best "bachelor cooking" advice I ever heard:
Don't cook while drunk. Use low heat.
Those who don't follow those two simple rules burn a lot of meals.
posted by dbmcd at 3:30 PM on June 10, 2005
Don't cook while drunk. Use low heat.
Those who don't follow those two simple rules burn a lot of meals.
posted by dbmcd at 3:30 PM on June 10, 2005
The Modern Man's Guide to Life.
Get this book. I don't know if it's in print any more, but there are numerous suppliers of used books that have it in stock (check above link). It's a categorized compendium of useful information necessary for all men, compiled by submissions of hundreds of contributors.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 3:30 PM on June 10, 2005
Get this book. I don't know if it's in print any more, but there are numerous suppliers of used books that have it in stock (check above link). It's a categorized compendium of useful information necessary for all men, compiled by submissions of hundreds of contributors.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 3:30 PM on June 10, 2005
Your friend is just as big of an idiot as you are; don't idolize him/her too much, he/she probably idolizes you. Don't do what he/she is going just because they're doing it. Be yourself.
posted by pwb503 at 3:58 PM on June 10, 2005
posted by pwb503 at 3:58 PM on June 10, 2005
I'd have much different advice for someone older. But at his age:
Hangovers are caused by dehydration and lack of electrolytes. Take vitamin B before you drink, and drink plenty of water as you drink. Smart Water (available at Trader Joe's) is perfect for this. You'll be in the bathroom more, but you will wake up feeling fine.
Don't start smoking. The temptation is great at that age.
If you want to do something, just do it. Nothing is more expensive/painful than regret. That woman that is out of your league? Just go for it. Get used to hearing "no", and be prepared when you get that "yes".
posted by bh at 4:30 PM on June 10, 2005
Hangovers are caused by dehydration and lack of electrolytes. Take vitamin B before you drink, and drink plenty of water as you drink. Smart Water (available at Trader Joe's) is perfect for this. You'll be in the bathroom more, but you will wake up feeling fine.
Don't start smoking. The temptation is great at that age.
If you want to do something, just do it. Nothing is more expensive/painful than regret. That woman that is out of your league? Just go for it. Get used to hearing "no", and be prepared when you get that "yes".
posted by bh at 4:30 PM on June 10, 2005
Get a cast iron skillet and learn how to take care of it.
Fail. Fail with style and gusto.
Take as many weird classes as possible. If I could do it again, I would've taken some of the ag courses offered at my university.
Start exercising now if you don't already. Find some physical activity that works your muscles and heart and that you enjoy, and stay with the habit.
Be interesting without being a snob.
Always have a book with you. You never know if you'll be standing in line or waiting for someone, and a book is perfect use of that time.
posted by RakDaddy at 4:31 PM on June 10, 2005
Fail. Fail with style and gusto.
Take as many weird classes as possible. If I could do it again, I would've taken some of the ag courses offered at my university.
Start exercising now if you don't already. Find some physical activity that works your muscles and heart and that you enjoy, and stay with the habit.
Be interesting without being a snob.
Always have a book with you. You never know if you'll be standing in line or waiting for someone, and a book is perfect use of that time.
posted by RakDaddy at 4:31 PM on June 10, 2005
always wear a condom. Always.
But especially when having sex.
posted by Saucy Intruder at 4:34 PM on June 10, 2005 [3 favorites]
But especially when having sex.
posted by Saucy Intruder at 4:34 PM on June 10, 2005 [3 favorites]
I don't know if he's a computer lover, but maybe there are some metafilter threads he'd find interesting? You could put the links at the end of the book, maybe as part of a "For Further Reading" section (which could include all the books people are recommending).
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:37 PM on June 10, 2005 [1 favorite]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:37 PM on June 10, 2005 [1 favorite]
Advice about women - if more than 2 of your friends voice suspicion/apprehension/worry about your current girlfriend, she's either your soulmate or you need to run like hell. You'll know which she is.
posted by efalk at 4:50 PM on June 10, 2005
posted by efalk at 4:50 PM on June 10, 2005
I am currently 23 in a student exchange program with many 20/21/22 other students from the world over. I'm still young at this thing called "life" but one advice I've been giving to my male friends, that has been welcomed is about sex and says:
A. Sex is not about how many times you do it or what you did, but if you had a good time. At our age sex is so infused with anxiety that if you aim for a good time then you'll be able to do it many more times and to do many more things, but that will be only a side effect.
B. Tell your friends about your sex problems and most times you'll find that the same thing or an equivalent has happened to them. Knowing that you're not alone will cure most of them.
But.. ehhhm. I'm not sure you'll want to say all this to your brother?
posted by Manouk at 5:10 PM on June 10, 2005
A. Sex is not about how many times you do it or what you did, but if you had a good time. At our age sex is so infused with anxiety that if you aim for a good time then you'll be able to do it many more times and to do many more things, but that will be only a side effect.
B. Tell your friends about your sex problems and most times you'll find that the same thing or an equivalent has happened to them. Knowing that you're not alone will cure most of them.
But.. ehhhm. I'm not sure you'll want to say all this to your brother?
posted by Manouk at 5:10 PM on June 10, 2005
College:
Party, drink, and get laid. This is the only time in your life when you're surrounded by hundreds of 18-22 year old females. They will live in close proximity to you. Take advantage of it before getting locked down.
posted by freshness at 5:19 PM on June 10, 2005
Party, drink, and get laid. This is the only time in your life when you're surrounded by hundreds of 18-22 year old females. They will live in close proximity to you. Take advantage of it before getting locked down.
posted by freshness at 5:19 PM on June 10, 2005
Civil DisObedient nailed it.
The modern man's guide to life is a bit dated, but it's what I give my younger family members as they go off to college
posted by filmgeek at 5:58 PM on June 10, 2005
The modern man's guide to life is a bit dated, but it's what I give my younger family members as they go off to college
posted by filmgeek at 5:58 PM on June 10, 2005
jikel_morten - Yes I meant the second one. Apologies for not counting.
Time Enough For Love was Heinlein at his most fascistic. It read like that when it came out, too.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:21 PM on June 10, 2005
Time Enough For Love was Heinlein at his most fascistic. It read like that when it came out, too.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:21 PM on June 10, 2005
I've always got by quite well with:
Never make an important decision with a hangover and
Everything turns out alright in the end it's just a question of where one determines the end...
posted by prentiz at 6:38 PM on June 10, 2005
Never make an important decision with a hangover and
Everything turns out alright in the end it's just a question of where one determines the end...
posted by prentiz at 6:38 PM on June 10, 2005
Best answer: I'm 21, living semi-on-my own for the first time ever. Here's what I wish people had told me.
posted by Netzapper at 7:02 PM on June 10, 2005 [3 favorites]
- Food comes before bills; gas, electricity, and phone come before cable and internet service; all other things come before beer.
- Always keep $50 or so, in cash, in your house that you never touch, so that if you're broke and an emergency comes up, you have a little bit of cash to handle it. Emergencies include, but are not limited to, getting a date that Friday, realizing you're totally out all paper products that might be used for toilet paper, or realizing you're 15 minutes late for work and you need to catch a cab. When you spend it, replenish it with your next paycheck.
- Learn to cook. There are equally cheap and far more nutritious alternatives to ramen.
- Have sex whenever and in whatever ways possible. If (s)he's not into it, quit immediately. Always wear a rubber unless you trust the person to have your interests at heart, and you trust their current STD status.
- If you say you'll call, try to do it unless you can come up with a legitimate reason not to. If you slept with him/her, and you said you'd call, you have responsibility to do so. (Note that if it was established on both sides that it was NSA, then don't call if you don't want.)
- If you're attracted to somebody, and they're not interested, just walk on. Trying to be their friend and "waiting for them to come around" will not work, and will just suck for you.
- The proper response to "Let's just be friends," is, "Wow, thanks. But, I already have plenty of friends." If she doesn't immediately reconsider, you should then put the approximate cost of your meal (plus five-ten dollars) on the table, grab your coat, thank her for her company, and walk away. (See above.)
- If you're good at something, and you enjoy it, find a way for that to be your career. Do not make the mistake, however, of getting a related but crappy job. Doing exactly what you want rocks; almost doing what you want, having a boss, and not getting paid enough sucks.
- If you're moving, and consider it permanent, don't worry about maintaining casual friends from high school.
- If you're moving, and consider it permanent, try your absolute best to maintain good friends from high school.
- Be nice to your roommate(s). Unless they're complete choads, in which case you should just try to get a new place.
- Read the local news. Sometimes they actually print useful and relevent shit in local papers, and they often have entire sections of what to do on a Friday night.
- Don't get pets until you're out of your moving-every-year-'cause-your-landlord-fucking-sucks phase. Pets severely limit your options on where you can live, and the places that will take pets are often more expensive. Fish are exempt, but lame.
- If you're living in a city that isn't NYC or Boston, buy a car (or take your own, if you have one). A car so greatly improves your options of what you can do that it's not even funny. The person who says "oh, you can do it all with public transit" is a liar who's never had to figure out how to transport an awesome trash-picked couch eight miles via subway. They've also never found out at 4:17pm on Friday that the only place in town that sells the bulb they need for the photo lights that they're using this weekend for their senior thesis is located 17 miles away from you.
- If you have a car, make sure it's the shittiest looking one you can find that runs effectively. It's going to get bumped, banged up, scraped by trash trucks, and generally abused by the city.
- Also if moving to the city: learn a martial art, and when you turn 21 purchase and carry a firearm (if that is legal in your juristiction, and you aren't morally opposed to them).
- If you're getting mugged, comply fully up to the point that you feel your life is in danger. At that point, either Krav Maga or shoot his ass (see above). Resisting a mugging can get you sued successfully if you hurt the guy. But, letting yourself get hurt in this type of situation will never, ever help anyone.
- Don't get in arguments with random people. Apologize instead, even if you're in the wrong. People who argue passionately about parking spots are the same people who throw sucker punches.
- When you're drinking at a bar, walk in with a predetermined amount of cash. When you run out, stop drinking. Keep $10 in standby for getting a cab home. This not only limits how much you spend, but also limits how drunk you get. (I suggest $30 for drinks, since that tends to get me plenty drunk, but not non-functional.)
- When you're drinking at a party, and you're friends with the host, go wild. If you're not friends with the host, or don't know the host at all, do not get drunk.
- Don't drive, handle the firearm I told you to buy, or have sex with a stranger while under the influence.
- The following drugs are safe for just about everyone: marijuana, LSD, 'shrooms, and mescaline.
- The following drugs are safe for most people, if not used regularly: opium (not opiates, though), ecstasy, and most legal but controlled substances.
- The following drugs are not safe to use more than once or twice a year (I recommend not using them at all, really): heroin, cocaine, speed, and just about any other drugs you can think of.
- The best way to ensure that you don't wind up over-using one of the second two categories is to never buy more of a drug than you can personally use in one night. If you're trying something for the first time, buy the smallest amount you possibly can. It's easy to develop an X habit if you can do it several days in a row, and not have to worry about finding a source again; it's a lot harder to get hooked if you just buy one tab.
- Never, ever buy your first ever dose of a drug. You'll buy too much, and violate the above rule. Don't accept "samples" from drug dealers. Offer to pay a friend $5 for a bump out of their bag.
- Never buy from drug dealers you meet on the street, no matter how legit (illegit?) they seem. You will get burned 70% of the time, get overcharged 25% of the time, and busted 5% of the time. (I once got sold a dime of fucking mint chewing gum in an opaque micro baggie once; I thought I was buying hash.)
- Ignore the rules. You're young, and you can always heal. Unless you're dead; don't get dead.
- Try to sleep enough.
- Don't worry when you don't sleep enough. Nobody does.
posted by Netzapper at 7:02 PM on June 10, 2005 [3 favorites]
31. Never take advice from anyone dumb enough to buy mint chewing gum instead of hash.
posted by trondant at 7:43 PM on June 10, 2005
posted by trondant at 7:43 PM on June 10, 2005
Listen to your parents and older siblings. They know more than you think.
Don't get any tattoos that involve chinese / kanji symbols unless you know chinese / kanji. And don't get any tattoos you can't cover up at a job later.
Don't quit your job until you've got another one lined up.
Don't spend too much money on a car. Despite what you may think, it is not your most important posession. It should be safe and reliable, but it does not need to have a giagantic spoiler or the flashiest new rims. Avoid 5 year car loans.
posted by geeky at 8:40 PM on June 10, 2005
Don't get any tattoos that involve chinese / kanji symbols unless you know chinese / kanji. And don't get any tattoos you can't cover up at a job later.
Don't quit your job until you've got another one lined up.
Don't spend too much money on a car. Despite what you may think, it is not your most important posession. It should be safe and reliable, but it does not need to have a giagantic spoiler or the flashiest new rims. Avoid 5 year car loans.
posted by geeky at 8:40 PM on June 10, 2005
32. Don't look for profound life-advice from a 21-year-old.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:55 AM on June 11, 2005
posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:55 AM on June 11, 2005
Always have one really good knife. It'll make all this learning to cook advice a lot easier.
No matter how much you trust her, unless you've been dating for a year, use a condom. Even if she doesn't have STDs, she might end up pregnant, and chances are you haven't talked about how to handle that yet.
Pay cash.
posted by dpx.mfx at 5:36 AM on June 11, 2005
No matter how much you trust her, unless you've been dating for a year, use a condom. Even if she doesn't have STDs, she might end up pregnant, and chances are you haven't talked about how to handle that yet.
Pay cash.
posted by dpx.mfx at 5:36 AM on June 11, 2005
* Don't make any life altering decisions based on "True Love" until AT LEAST your mid twenties.
* Don't ingest too much of anything. A good rule of thumb is that, except for things like water and milk, you shouldn't eat, drink, or smoke the same thing every day.
* Try to follow the Cowboy Code:
The Cowboy Code
- by Gene Autry
A cowboy must never take unfair advantage of an enemy.
He must never go back on his word, or (betray) a trust confided in him.
He must always tell the truth.
He must always be gentle with children, the elderly and animals.
He must not possess racially or religiously intolerant ideas.
He must help people in distress.
He must be a good worker.
He must keep himself clean in thought, speech, action and personal habits.
He must respect women, parents, and his nation's laws.
The Cowboy is a patriot.
posted by i love cheese at 5:50 AM on June 11, 2005 [2 favorites]
* Don't ingest too much of anything. A good rule of thumb is that, except for things like water and milk, you shouldn't eat, drink, or smoke the same thing every day.
* Try to follow the Cowboy Code:
The Cowboy Code
- by Gene Autry
A cowboy must never take unfair advantage of an enemy.
He must never go back on his word, or (betray) a trust confided in him.
He must always tell the truth.
He must always be gentle with children, the elderly and animals.
He must not possess racially or religiously intolerant ideas.
He must help people in distress.
He must be a good worker.
He must keep himself clean in thought, speech, action and personal habits.
He must respect women, parents, and his nation's laws.
The Cowboy is a patriot.
posted by i love cheese at 5:50 AM on June 11, 2005 [2 favorites]
AskMetafilter: Dumb enough to buy mint chewing gum instead of hash.
My advice:
1. Life is perspective. Understand that, and understand everything.
2. Advice sucks.
posted by id at 2:59 PM on June 11, 2005
My advice:
1. Life is perspective. Understand that, and understand everything.
2. Advice sucks.
posted by id at 2:59 PM on June 11, 2005
PS: I would recommend that you put together whatever your going to do, and as the last page, you include something like: Advice Sucks.
No matter what some others may say here, I think your idea is wonderful, and it will give your brother something to look at and say, "Someone cares about me." That along is worth more than any of the advice you can pack into a guide or book of this calibre.
posted by id at 3:02 PM on June 11, 2005 [1 favorite]
No matter what some others may say here, I think your idea is wonderful, and it will give your brother something to look at and say, "Someone cares about me." That along is worth more than any of the advice you can pack into a guide or book of this calibre.
posted by id at 3:02 PM on June 11, 2005 [1 favorite]
1. Be straight with people. People will appreciate honesty and forthrightness infinitely more than the most elegant white lie. If you are telling yourself that you are sparing their feelings, you are really just giving into fear of confrontation at their expense.
2. It's not that no one understands. It's that you don't yet know just how much _everyone_ understands.
3. Break up with girlfriends you don't love, as soon as you know that you don't love them. For further details, see number 1.
4. Respect and love your family.
5. Don't accept drinks or other substances from anyone named Phil.
6. Don't make excuses, especially to yourself. Accept the consequences of your actions with as much grace and humility as you possibly can.
7. Yours are the only actions you can control. Don't waste energy on wishing that someone else was acting differently.
8. Don't create drama, and avoid those who do.
9. Get help when you need it.
10. Do the right thing. You'd be surprised how often that will clear up a dilemma.
11. Be happy. It's often more of a decision than a reaction.
posted by LittleMissCranky at 7:38 PM on June 11, 2005 [1 favorite]
2. It's not that no one understands. It's that you don't yet know just how much _everyone_ understands.
3. Break up with girlfriends you don't love, as soon as you know that you don't love them. For further details, see number 1.
4. Respect and love your family.
5. Don't accept drinks or other substances from anyone named Phil.
6. Don't make excuses, especially to yourself. Accept the consequences of your actions with as much grace and humility as you possibly can.
7. Yours are the only actions you can control. Don't waste energy on wishing that someone else was acting differently.
8. Don't create drama, and avoid those who do.
9. Get help when you need it.
10. Do the right thing. You'd be surprised how often that will clear up a dilemma.
11. Be happy. It's often more of a decision than a reaction.
posted by LittleMissCranky at 7:38 PM on June 11, 2005 [1 favorite]
1) Be yourself. You don't have to lie to kick it.
2) Don't get a tattoo of any sort. If must get one don't get any sort of Kanji or tribal design. Get something cool, like a Snork.
3) If you don't like something, try it two more times. The second time to be sure you don't like it and the third to know for sure.
4) Not everyone can do everything, but you can do anything.
5) There are no absolute truths in this world, even science is wrong from time to time.
6) Push your limits as much as possible. There is no better time than when you are young.
7) Do your own research. Everyone is biased and eager to push that bias onto you.
8) Avoid roommates if you can. If you can't, room with someone you don't know too well. There is no faster way to make two good friends become worst enemies than living together.
9) Don't use Cingular or Sprint for cell phone service no matter what sort of deal they offer you.
10) If you get a credit card, don't use it.
11) Don't rely on others for anything.
12) You are an adult, act like one.
13) Moderation in everything is essential. Too much of anything makes you an addict.
Finally, the most important bit of advice for anyone:
Don't stick your dick in other people's mashed potatoes.
posted by thefinned1 at 8:44 PM on June 11, 2005
2) Don't get a tattoo of any sort. If must get one don't get any sort of Kanji or tribal design. Get something cool, like a Snork.
3) If you don't like something, try it two more times. The second time to be sure you don't like it and the third to know for sure.
4) Not everyone can do everything, but you can do anything.
5) There are no absolute truths in this world, even science is wrong from time to time.
6) Push your limits as much as possible. There is no better time than when you are young.
7) Do your own research. Everyone is biased and eager to push that bias onto you.
8) Avoid roommates if you can. If you can't, room with someone you don't know too well. There is no faster way to make two good friends become worst enemies than living together.
9) Don't use Cingular or Sprint for cell phone service no matter what sort of deal they offer you.
10) If you get a credit card, don't use it.
11) Don't rely on others for anything.
12) You are an adult, act like one.
13) Moderation in everything is essential. Too much of anything makes you an addict.
Finally, the most important bit of advice for anyone:
Don't stick your dick in other people's mashed potatoes.
posted by thefinned1 at 8:44 PM on June 11, 2005
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by jikel_morten at 12:15 PM on June 10, 2005