Bachelor parties

November 1, 2004 5:55 PM

Bachelor Parties [more inside]

The first of my friends from high school is getting married next June, and I am his Best Man. I know some of the standard stuff that is my responsibility (be a witness, give a toast, throw a bachelor party) but I don't know much on the specifics, and nor does anyone else I know, as none of us have had to do this yet.


What are some of the duties and other things the Best Man at a wedding has to do, that I most likely don't know.

Also, suggestions for planning a bachelor party. Help!

posted by Steve_at_Linnwood to Society & Culture (24 answers total)

What level of lewdness and/or drunkenness are you aiming for?
posted by mr_roboto at 6:00 PM on November 1, 2004

Know how to roll up a hooker's body in a rug. It helps.
posted by yerfatma at 6:01 PM on November 1, 2004

Response by poster: What level of lewdness and/or drunkenness are you aiming for?

Most bang for my buck!
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 6:10 PM on November 1, 2004

I'm co-hosting a bachelor party in a few weeks. We're golfing in the afternoon, and we've rented a 2,600 sq-ft room at the Ritz for the evening. We're having a buy-in hold'em tourney with lots of cigars, with drinks served by two ladies in lingerie. The ladies will have a little 'dance show' later in the evening.

Sports, gambling, booze, naked women-- everything a future bride could try to repress.

(Oh, and as far as the 'Best Man Toast' goes, make it gentle. There are grandparents out there.)
posted by F Mackenzie at 6:11 PM on November 1, 2004

"The specifics" vary person to person, but, for example, you should do any and all things-that-the-man-is-supposed-to-do, such as tipping the doorman at the club, or whatever. Just generally take care of everything, and be sure to toss a surprise or two into your plans. It's amazing how much more enjoyment someone gets out of a bachelor party and/or wedding ceremony when there's some element they weren't expecting.

You should also make a tactful choice about strippers, etc. Not all guys enjoy such things equally, and some might actually be repulsed. I've been to a lot of strip clubs, including as the best man at a bachelor party, and I'm completely over them. It's like after-hours cable TV, except a beer costs $9. If my go-to guy drags me out to a strip club when my time comes, I'll be really disappointed. I'd much rather take in some guy-time camping or going to a basketball game or whatever.
posted by scarabic at 6:15 PM on November 1, 2004

Most bang for my buck!

And about how many bucks are we looking at?

I know it seems that I'm doing more asking than answering, but it helps to know the constraints.
posted by mr_roboto at 6:18 PM on November 1, 2004

High-end strip clubs for those who like them; big elaborate steak dinners with cigars and good port for those who don't like strip clubs.

I think that going to a high-end strip club is generally better than hiring individual strippers, unless you have very good contacts in the industry--party strippers are usually not as talented and/or attractive as the women who work at high-end strip clubs.

As for the best man's toast: It should be about three minutes long, and include a) a statement about how wonderful a guy the groom is and how good a friend he is, b) at least one slightly (SLIGHTLY!) embarrassing story about the groom's life before he met the bride (preferably something more along the lines of "the time he forgot the car at the football stadium" than "the time the check he wrote for his girlfriend's abortion bounced"), c) some statement about how wonderful the bride is, and how pleased you were that your good friend so and so found a great woman who really appreciates his good qualities, and d) some wish for the couple's happy future.

Please do not include a) stories about the groom's ex-girlfriends, b) negative comments, even in jest, about the bride, or c) bawdy jests that will offend the groom's grandmother.

The time for the ribald hilarity is at the bachelor party, not at the wedding. Too many best men forget that.

Write an outline on a large index card and put it in an inside pocket before you leave for the ceremony. It will be helpful.
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:28 PM on November 1, 2004 [1 favorite]

seconds on scarabic.

Your role as best man at the wedding is to make sure your pal doesn't have to think or solve a single problem on his wedding day, and believe me, there will be problems. You'll need to intercept anyone and everyone, including parents, all day. They will be beeline-ing to him to ask for a decision or opinion, and he will be overwhelmed and unable to supply deliberation or decisions. You will supply that deliberation and make the decisions.

You also need to make sure that he eats. He will forget. Repeatedly. You are probably also in charge of figuring out what to do with the gifts. I believe it's traditional for you to supply a giftbasket, with food, and a bottle of champagne, for the newlyweds wherever they stay after the wedding.

Regarding the bachelor party thing, I have no idea.
posted by mwhybark at 6:34 PM on November 1, 2004

best thing my best man did was to have a drink ready to calm the nerves afterwards and cards for everybody to play poker before hand. If you have a duffel bag full of every conceivable scenario's necessity on the big day, you'll be the man of the hour.

Bachelor party - well I bet W will be available for stupid drunk tricks by then.
posted by jmgorman at 6:40 PM on November 1, 2004

My plan was authentic Chinese food, indoor go-kart racing, oversized beer mug drinking and a pub crawl...didn't plan the physical altercation with the pathetic middle-age drunks who were assaulting a homeless guy on the street, but it sure was the icing on the cake.
posted by boost ventilator at 7:28 PM on November 1, 2004

If your friends like drinking/partying/dancing but don't necessarily want to go the stripper or strip club route, hiring a limo [or a van with a driver, even a friend of yours or someone else's who isn't attending the bachelor party] means that you guys can all go out and hit all the hotspots in town, get schnockered and ride in the car together, and no one has to get lost, pay for parking, drive drunk, or worry about losing keys or cars. Since I've got a lot of guy friends, I've been to a few co-ed batchelor parties and also politiely declined to go to the strip-club-themed ones I was invited to. You may want to send around a few emails to your friend's list of friends [get a list from him to keep from leaving someone out] and solicit ideas and if they seem to be all gung-ho with one plan [whirlyball/poker/strippers/camping/pub crawl] then your job is to be the "handle it" guy for that evening's entertainment.
posted by jessamyn at 7:34 PM on November 1, 2004

The way we've generally handled it in my group of friends is to get the right group of guys, pack up in cars, and head out to someone's out-of-town house for the weekend. (We're in the NY area, so it's not too hard to find someone who either has or can borrow a relatively remote house.)

Once we're there, a lot of drinking, a lot of cards, a lot of cooking, a fair amount of target-shooting out in the woods. Maybe some paintball, if we can find a place nearby. Great way to have a good time, no worries about angry spouses, and with a whole weekend together, an awesome way to catch up more substantially with your friends than just a night on the town.
posted by LairBob at 7:59 PM on November 1, 2004

(To jessamyn's point, assuming it's a "group of guys" isn't necessarily fair...just happens to have been, in our case.)
posted by LairBob at 8:06 PM on November 1, 2004

Response by poster: And about how many bucks are we looking at?

I don't know yet. That is kinda what I am trying to get a feel for, how much money I need to put aside for this... I figure I better start planning now...
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 8:26 PM on November 1, 2004

The most manly thing I can think of would be going to a shooting range and firing off a bunch of rounds. Then going out for a steak dinner, then back to someones pad to drink fine scotch, while playing video games of course...
posted by mildred-pitt at 9:48 PM on November 1, 2004

Is there a (horse) racetrack nearby? Usually, you can rent out a private clubhouse to watch (and bet on) the ponies and they'll provide you with a buffet sytle meal. If the track is really cool, you can get parking thrown in and a picture with the winning horse of a given race. Usually, this will run you about $1000 bucks (!) but split between 20 guys and it's $50 a pop. Alcohol could also be negotiated for a slightly higher price. You, the groom to be and all his friends get treated like rock stars the entire time you're there and hey, if someone gets lucky and picks a winner, how cool is that?

On Preview, I looked up your location based on your MeFi profile and here's something to get you started if you are so inclined.
posted by inviolable at 12:50 AM on November 2, 2004

Seems to be a tradition in France to dress-up the groom and make him sell stuff to people on the street (hooker/condoms, hobo/fake watches), then go to a pub.
Recently, I participated in a party where the groom was taken to a kart session with mates, the bride went sky-diving for the first time, and we all met at a nice restaurant at the end of the day.
posted by XiBe at 2:48 AM on November 2, 2004

Vegas, man. Bachelor party = Vegas.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 2:59 AM on November 2, 2004

Also, it may be a good idea to get in touch with the bride and see if she has any limits on the party. While it's the groom's party, stories will float back and if there's anything the bride is truly uncomfortable with, resentment can fester. After the sketchiness of a friend's "strippers in a motel room" party, my fiance has put her foot down on strippers.

You don't have to follow the bride to the ltter, but certainly take her feelings into account.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:44 AM on November 2, 2004

While I thing you're very polite for consulting with the bride to be, robocop; I think it's an absolute crock.

Here's my take on it. Would I, as the bride, want restrictions on what I can do? Would I want my fiance telling me that I couldn't go to a club with male strippers? If the answer is "No", then I have no business restricting his activities.

I can understand the "no sex with the stripper" rule for several reasons. However, I don't understand the "no strippers" rule at all.

After our marriage, my husband has attended parties involving strippers, porn, etc. He had a great time and I was happy he enjoyed himself. I've also attended bachelorette parties involving strippers and didn't get any guff from my husband.
posted by onhazier at 7:53 AM on November 2, 2004

Email for you, Steve. As (at least) three other MetaFilterians can attest, I know whereof I speak.
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:56 AM on November 2, 2004

My groomsmen took me out for a day of paintball (I'd never been before), followed by steak at Luger's.

It was a blast!
posted by Caviar at 8:30 AM on November 2, 2004

Yeah, and to chime back in on points like onhazier's and scarabic's, I don't think the issue is so much a strict "no strippers" rule--for someone like onhazier, strippers at a party might be totally acceptable, and that's fine. Our next-door neighbors are good friends, and he just got back from that kind of party...his wife just kind of rolled her eyes at his caveman friends, and that was it.

I do think, though, that as best man, you've got an incumbent responsibility not to endanger your friend's nascent marriage. I do know someone who's whole marriage got off on the wrong foot because a bachelor's party ended up getting out of hand...it was nothing he really did himself, but the general embarassment and recriminations over what happened at the party really cast a pall over the entire weekend.

Unless you really want to drive home the point that your buddy's maybe making a mistake (which is a common undertone, but doesn't seem to be your inclination), I'd just err a _little_ bit on the side of propriety.
posted by LairBob at 8:59 AM on November 2, 2004

A few weeks ago we did a stag night with paintball followed by night out at restaurant/clubbing and had a geat time. In a couple of weeks another friend's do will be horse racing followed by dinner and clubbing. Both in cities away from the groom's usual haunts. Neither groom would be at all amused by a stripper, and I'd be the same. Why don't you just sit down with the groom and make a list of things that would be cool blokeish things to do that he's happy with. Restricting what goes on due to the Bride's wishes may not be welcome but if the Groom has any sense he will have similar thoughts on the restrictions he places himself. Other suggestion: Driving: Tanks/armoured vehciles, fast cars on a professional circuit, go-karts.
posted by biffa at 9:08 AM on November 2, 2004